Tales and Stories

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Augustus Coopinheim. Somehow–and I’m not sure how–I have found myself stranded in the Punchy Lands. Professor VJ Duke is currently trying to help me get out, but until he succeeds…I’m hopelessly stuck.

I keep a journal of my adventures in the Punchy Lands, and Professor VJ Duke posts a portion of it here every Wednesday.
So, until the professor finds a way…

I remember a bright, bright flash, but that’s all. When I opened my eyes, I was lying on a bed of leaves in a very green forest. It was a sunny day, but the thick canopy of trees overhead blocked out most of the sunlight.

I quickly climbed to my feet and surveyed my surroundings. Nothing. Nothing but forest in every direction! It was quite unnerving, seeing that I came from my office in the middle of a bustling city.

Then, suddenly, my eyes fell upon a small hut not 20 feet from me. It was a crude structure made of wood with a thatched roof.

I cautiously approached.

When I was within a yard or so, the door swung open.

An interesting chap was standing in the doorway. He had a long grey beard that descended down to his waist, and his bushy eyebrows looked on guard. He was dressed in a long pale blue frock. In his right hand was a tea cup and saucer.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Umm…well…uhh…” I stammered.

The man’s eyes squinted suspiciously. “Did he send you?”


“King Arthur.”

“My good sir,” I said, attempting to understand, “would you be good enough to tell me where I am?”

“Without a problem,” he replied. “You’re in the Punchy Lands. You’re in England. You’re in The Ominous Forest. You’re on my doorstep.”


Before anything else could be said, the sound of galloping horses was heard.

“Come in!” the man yelled. “Hurry! He’s coming!”

“Who?” I asked, stepping through the doorway.

The man slammed the door. “The king.”

“What king?”

“King Arthur.”

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Absolutely. And he wants you…”

Tune in next Wednesday for Part 2!

Also, please visit Salami’s Hut! Daddy Salami has made a new post!


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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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