Tales and Stories – Part 2

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Augustus Coopinheim. Somehow–and I’m not sure how–I have found myself stranded in the Punchy Lands. Professor VJ Duke is currently trying to help me get out, but until he succeeds…I’m hopelessly stuck.

I keep a journal of my adventures in the Punchy Lands, and Professor VJ Duke posts a portion of it here every Wednesday.

So, until the professor finds a way…

If you would like to refresh yourself on the story…here’s Part 1.



“Why’s he want me?” I asked.

The man shook his head. “Depends. What have you done? Did you kill one of the king’s protected stags? Did you knife somebody? Did you steal a loaf of bread? Did you-“

“No!” I interrupted. “I haven’t done anything like that!”

“Oh.” The man fell silent, and we both listened as the horses passed the hut.

They weren’t after me.

I breathed a sigh of relief, as did the man.

“Close call,” he said as he hobbled to a rickety wooden chair and sat. “Horribly close. No telling what might have happened had he wanted you.”

“Why did you think he wanted me?” I asked as I moved over to another chair and sat.

The man shrugged. “No reason in particular. I was just jumping to conclusions, you know. Nothing definite.”

“Why are you so scared of the king?”

“Because,” the man answered, his eyebrows knitting together woefully, “the king has forbidden the use of something that I practice. Something really dear to me, boy.”

“And what’s that?”



“Yes,” the man answered. “My name is Merlin.”

“Merlin?! Are you serious?!”

The man, or Merlin, nodded. “Absolutely. As serious as I’ve ever been about anything I can think of…or about. You see, the king banned magic after I made The Blunder.”

“What was The Blunder?”

Merlin leaned back. “Relax, boy, and I’ll tell you the story. It’s a rather long one, I think. It all began when Emperor Napoleon of France declared war on England…”

Tune in this Friday for Part 3! Also, stop by Salami’s Hut for a new post!


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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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