Tales and Stories – Part 5

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Augustus Coopinheim. Somehow–and I’m not sure how–I have found myself stranded in the Punchy Lands. Professor VJ Duke is currently trying to help me get out, but until he succeeds…I’m hopelessly stuck.

I keep a journal of my adventures in the Punchy Lands, and Professor VJ Duke posts a portion of it here every Wednesday.

So, until the professor finds a way…

If you would like to refresh yourself on the story…Part 4.


King Arthur was a strange chap, to be sure. He was incredibly short and possessed a nasally voice. He was sitting by himself on his throne when Schwarz and I entered.

“Oh,” he said. “So, it’s you!”

“Uhh…yes…” I answered unsurely.

“You may wonder,” Arthur continued, “just how I knew you were here.”

“It did cross my mind,” I confessed.

“Well, I have spies everywhere. Enough about that. I have a special mission for you—and Schwarz.”

“Oh, no!” Schwarz said. “Chickit! Why do I have to do?”

“Because,” Arthur snapped, “two are better than one for a mission of this importance.”

“Whatever,” Schwarz said.

“So, what exactly do you want me to do?” I asked.

Arthur smiled. “It’s an important mission. Do you know who I am?”

“Yeah,” Schwarz interrupted, “you’re the king of England—tell you what!”

“I wasn’t talking to you!”

“Yes. You’re King Arthur,” I answered.

“Precisely,” Arthur said. “And do you know what weapon King Arthur is supposed to own?”

“A stun gun?” Schwarz offered.

Arthur turned his steady, mean gaze towards Schwarz. “If you speak again, I’ll have your tongue cut out!”

“My, baby child!” Schwarz exclaimed.

Arthur turned back towards me. “Well?”


“Yes!” Arthur said, standing. “But I don’t have it. An ogre has stolen it from me.” Arthur walked over to a window. He opened it and looked out. “An ogre who lives on an island above my castle…in the sky…”

Tune in this coming Monday for Part 6!


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TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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