Ripping Book Review–Eragon

WARNING: Ripping Book Reviews are solely the judgments of Professor VJ Duke on an unlucky book that has caused him much repulsion—in one way or another. Therefore, blame must be put on the professor and nobody else. With that in mind, read on—if you are brave enough to take it.


Well, this is the first book that I have reviewed while the author is still presumably alive. I do believe that some authors would appreciate, and even enjoy, seeing their books ripped. It’s a public service, I think. In fact, Twain, if he were alive, would almost definitely enjoy seeing any of his works ripped—which is ironic. Since Twain is the only author who is un-rippable. He never seems to cause too much repulsion—in one way or another.

So, onwards—living author or not; appreciative author or not!

I read Eragon a few years back. Then I saw the movie. If any of you were unlucky enough to witness that overdone, underdone, blasphemy of the fantasy movie genre, we can get together and weep about it on a different occasion. Suffice to say, that the movie caused much, much more repulsion than the book.

In the way beginning of Eragon, on that extremely boring page that shows the text copyright and other horrors, there is a neat inscription that deserves a repeating here. I will quote it in its entirety:

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

I do believe it was good thing that this was mentioned. It definitely put this professor’s mind at rest. Originally, I had supposed that Eragon was taken directly from a character in The Lord of the Rings named Aragorn. Likewise, I thought Arya was taken directly from Arwen. But this little inscription cleared everything up. It was only a coincidence.

It was also great to learn that the plot was a coincidence. A young farm boy finds a dragon egg and must train, with the help of his mentor, to defeat an evil emperor that has held the known world captive. Luckily for us, it didn’t take place in a galaxy far, far away.

The story definitely seems to drag on and on, without forwarding the plot much. In fact, we are left to wonder at times if there is really a plot at all, and who is good and who is bad! Another coincidence. Similar yet again to that galaxy far, far away.

I was greatly relieved to discount every similarity to coincidence—including that Eragon is out when his uncle is killed. Of course, he is out with his droids—I mean dragon.

It seems we have chanced upon something here. Maybe we should call it the Chosen One Series? For you see, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Eragon all have something in common. In fact, the more it is thought about, the more terrifying it becomes. Each story has a main character who is raised by close relatives; who is, simply, the ‘chosen one’ and doesn’t know it; and who is destined to destroy the great evil one. Definitely worth pondering, but not for long. Too intimidating.

Moving on…

At this point, I would like to share with you a few instances that caused repulsion, fear, and worry for the professor.

Firstly, Eragon is attempting to use magic when suddenly:

“Panic blossomed in his chest.”

This was very disconcerting. I’ve never heard of panic blossoming… Wait. Maybe it makes sense…if panic is a flower then it could definitely blossom. Of course, this presents a chilling picture. A flower is growing in his chest? Enough said.

Secondly, Eragon’s dragon is speaking with him. She says:

“I’ve no more control over my abilities than a spider does.”

Now this was an interest. What is meant here? Does Paolini mean that Eragon’s dragon has no more control over her abilities than a spider has over its abilities? Or, does he mean that Eragon’s dragon has no more control over her abilities than a spider has control over her [i.e. the dragon’s] abilities. It’s disconcerting either way. The latter explanation is the most frightening, however. Personally, I would assume that one could control one’s abilities. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be abilities.

The definition of abilities: a natural tendency to do something successfully or well.

Let’s not think on this too long.

Thirdly, Eragon does something that the professor would think incredibly painful:

“Eragon grunted in reply. He jammed his cold fingers in his armpits…”


And, lastly, Brom, Eragon’s bright mentor, says this:

“There isn’t a horse alive that can outrun a flying dragon…”

If I was Eragon, I would’ve asked Brom, “Can a flying dragon actually run?”

Now, I would like to share with you one last thing. We will term it Eragon Silliness.

Eragon is trying to get information from an enemy soldier. So he threatens him. This is what he says:

“Do you know how much pain a grain of sand can cause you when it’s embedded red hot in your stomach? Especially when it doesn’t cool off for the next twenty years and slowly burns its way down to your toes! By the time it gets out of you, you’ll be an old man…Unless you tell me what I want.”

At this point the professor was laughing. After all, who would believe an obvious lie like that, devoid of all common sense and brains? It is resignedly stupid. I was expecting the soldier to start laughing uncontrollably, like I would have done. But, no. He becomes afeared. Terribly so. And Eragon gets his information. This is an example of Eragon Silliness. The soldier was silly (nice word) to believe it, and Eragon was silly enough to say it. I believe Brom (Eragon’s mentor) didn’t train Eragon too well in the art of torturing to obtain information.

That’s all that can be said genuinely.

So, this was Aragorn…I mean Eragon.


46 Responses to “Ripping Book Review–Eragon”

  1. 1 walt walker January 10, 2015 at 21:40

    Actually yes, so long as Abrams doesn’t go off the rails like he did with Star Trek.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2015 at 19:43

      I am, too. That lightsaber was enough to sell me.

      • 3 walt walker January 11, 2015 at 19:45

        Ah but people are ripping the thing as impossible to wield. People who know these things, I assume.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2015 at 19:54

        I heard that it was like a broadsword. Bet this Sith fellow has huge arms.

      • 5 walt walker January 11, 2015 at 20:04

        The better to hug his fellow Siths with.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:01

        *laughs* Exactly.

  2. 7 walt walker January 8, 2015 at 13:09

    Probably. Isn’t most fantasy? Look st Star Wars, though. Kenobi is basically Gandalf, getting killed halfway through the first of the theee episodes, leaving the not-yet heroes to fend for themselves.

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:23

      That is true, I suppose. But Kenobi didn’t have Gandalf’s beard. And they both died on purpose, didn’t they?

      • 9 walt walker January 8, 2015 at 14:14

        Well, Gandalf had more time to grow his, I think. Much older, you see.

        Yes, they both took one for the team, didn’t they?

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 21:58

        I think they did. But Kenobi’s still doesn’t make too much sense to me. I mean, why’d he do it?

      • 11 walt walker January 10, 2015 at 08:14

        Good point. He said it would make him more powerful, but I didn’t see much power. Just some convenient ghostly visits now and again.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke January 10, 2015 at 21:07

        *laughs* And he nearly got Luke killed when he did it. Looking forward to Star Wars 7?

  3. 13 walt walker January 7, 2015 at 15:02

    Good rip, sir. I stopped reading Eragon and threw it across the room due to the Eragon Silliness, and it’s being a resignedly string of words.

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:51

      *laughs* Yes, thank you. Did the language get to you as well?

      • 15 walt walker January 7, 2015 at 22:29

        It was so long ago I don’t really remember. I just remember thinking that this book by this teenager reads a lot like a book by a pre-teen. I remember it being not only dreadful, but that a whole lot of nothing happened in it.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:01

        *nods* Yes, it took forever to go nowhere. Wasn’t it a spin off of Lord of the Rings too?

  4. 17 MissTiffany June 26, 2013 at 20:27

    This was probably the most interesting review of Eragon I have ever read. I did enjoy the book however.

    I’m glad this wasn’t a review over just the movie (which is possibly one of the WORST movies made from a book I have ever seen…). *weeps silently*

    Now I want to re-read Eragon and all its flowery prose.

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 15:45

      Thank you. The movie is insufferable! Definitely worth shedding tears for.

      Re-read Eragon; it’s much, much better than Austen. I should do a ripping book review on Pride and Prejudice… Twain would.

      • 19 MissTiffany June 27, 2013 at 15:59

        Yes it is! Completely horrible. I cringe every time I see it somewhere or it accidentally gets mentioned.

        How about…I re-read them both! I am already re-reading Pride and Prejudice for the the umpteenth time…I own six different copies of it, in fact. Oh my. A ripping review of Pride and Prejudice? Bring it on.

      • 20 FictionFan June 27, 2013 at 16:35

        That would be very, very brave of you – especially if you do it just before I review The Prince and The Pauper… ;)

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 22:06

        Re-reading them both? The torture and pain you must feel! It’s as bad as…watching Eragon. The only problem with reviewing Pride and Whatever is that I have to read it first.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 22:07

        FictionFan, you aren’t allowed to rip Twain! It’s impossible! It must be up there in the honored class!

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 22:11

        You two ladies should read my post ‘Blatherings: Random Thoughts.’ It’s really timely–even though it isn’t.

      • 24 FictionFan June 27, 2013 at 23:20

        Oh! After his rudeness about my beloved Darcy and Lizzie I feel a rip is the very least he deserves…I shall read his book with relish – and a highlighter pen! ;)

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 23:22

        *gulp* But you may find it…rather good. You just may. It’s definitely not what you’re used to! :)

      • 26 FictionFan June 27, 2013 at 23:41

        Oh, I’ve read Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn in the past – the distant past – and if I remember correctly I enjoyed them – TS more than HF, I think. I certainly don’t remember feeling that I wanted to dig him up and beat him with his own shinbone anyway…but perhaps The P and the P might bring out my hitherto unknown violent tendencies… ;)

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke June 28, 2013 at 00:10

        I liked TS better too.

        Unknown tendencies! You identified with Daddy Salami!

  5. 28 Angeline M June 26, 2013 at 05:10

    A red hot grain of sand in the stomach…take a Pepcid and move on.
    Good rip here, Professor.

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2013 at 13:24

      See? That dull soldier even had that option! Definitely wouldn’t have scared the professor with a threat like that! Thanks!

  6. 30 renxkyoko June 26, 2013 at 05:09

    Ouch ! I didn’t see that coming. But then, Paolini was only 17 (?) when he wrote this book.
    And though I liked the book, I think I can undestand what you’re trying to convey here.

    And let’s not talk about the movie. Even the author went into depression because of that. It was gawd-awful.

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2013 at 13:24

      Now, how couldn’t you see that coming! ;) Every book is rippable!

      I enjoyed the book too when I read it. But it did cause some repulsion, and repulsion is a perfect reason for a ripping book review!

      The movie… Maybe we should get together and cry about it?

  7. 32 Island Traveler June 26, 2013 at 00:26

    An awesome review. I did watch the movie and it was okay. Wish I read the book.

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2013 at 13:23

      If you read the book, let me know what you think!

  8. 34 Island Traveler June 26, 2013 at 00:21

    I did see the movie. I thought it was okay but not so great. I agree with your review. In a way, it refreshed my memory about the story.

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2013 at 13:23

      Yeah, the movie was definitely interesting!

  9. 36 runningtoherdreams June 25, 2013 at 21:49

    I have nominated you for the “Shine On Blogger Award” should you chose to accept this award, which I hope you do, but if not that’s okay too! Check out my post! Happy blogging! :-)

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2013 at 13:22

      Thank you!

  10. 38 wordsaver June 25, 2013 at 19:21

    This should be read carefully, thank you

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2013 at 19:42

      You’re welcome. That’s what I thought. Eragon needs read with a careful eye! ;)

  11. 40 FictionFan June 25, 2013 at 16:41

    I’m a tag! I’m a tag!! HahahaHA! Thank you!

    A great review, especially the bit about the disabled spider! Oddly, it’s had the effect of almost making me want to read the book…

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2013 at 19:42

      :) I’m glad you noticed! Really, I never thought anybody read the tags! But it’s an honor to have you!

      • 42 FictionFan June 25, 2013 at 20:43

        I only read your tags. I think it was when you tagged your battle with the yolk as ‘wars and conflict’ that I got hooked – I was still giggling about that days later… :lol:

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2013 at 21:35

        :) I feel honored! :)

  12. 44 The Hook June 25, 2013 at 16:03

    I love your twist on the traditional book review.
    Well done!

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2013 at 16:06

      Many thanks! That means a lot to me!!!

  1. 1 #DailyBookQuote 27May2013 Christopher Paolini’s Eragon | Whatever It's Worth... Trackback on July 15, 2013 at 04:43

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