Circumstances–Why The Bridge Shouldn’t Have Been Crossed

‘Circumstances’ is a sparkling new category. The professor got awfully tired of the last one, and needed a change.

Circumstances is a study of how two completely different Punchy Landers react when presented with the exact same situation. Interestingly enough, I usually identify with one of the PLers; meaning, I could see myself behaving just as they did in that specific circumstance! So, without more ado, let it commence…

Situation: The main bridge, leading to the market, is closed under construction. There is a police officer standing guard, making sure that civilians stay away…

Punchy Lander #1: Schwarz Tauptinker. Schwarz makes his home in America of the Punchy Lands. He moves around quite frequently, so his residence is constantly changing. Schwarz is tall, muscular, and quite dull.

One particular day, Schwarz approached the bridge. He was going to the market.

“Hold on a second there, sir,” the officer said, holding his hand out to stop the oncoming Schwarz. “This bridge is closed.”

Schwarz looked from the officer to the bridge and back again. His mouth dropped open. “Okay.” When Schwarz says ‘okay,’ it sounds more like, ‘akayeee.’ To hear how the Punchy characters speak, please visit MicP Studios.

The officer lowered his hand and nodded. “Doing some maintenance, they are. My job’s to make sure nobody tries to cross and gets hurt in the process.”

“Cool,” Schwarz said, and to the officer’s horror, he began to try to cross the bridge anyway.

“Hold on, I say!” the officer hollered, grabbing Schwarz roughly. “Not allowed to cross! Have you got webs in your ears?!”

“I do not!” Schwarz said stoutly. “Chickit! All I want to do is cross!”

“And I can’t let you!”

But Schwarz rung free from the officer’s grip, and rushed pell-mell across the bridge.

“Don’t know why he wouldn’t let me cross,” Schwarz mumbled. “Chickit! He was just no nice.”

They were Schwarz’s last words. He fell through a hole in the bridge and plummeted to the river, five hundred feet below.


Punchy Lander #2: Daddy Salami. Salami makes his home in England. Well…that’s not exactly true. He actually lives in a dilapidated hut on the edge of a great forest. Salami is short, portly, and possesses a thick red moustache. He is usually quite malicious and…mean.

One particular day, Daddy Salami approached the bridge. Unlike Schwarz, he was not going to the market. Rather, he just wanted to skip along the bridge.

“Excuse me, sir,” the officer said, blocking Salami’s way. “This bridge is closed and under maintenance. No crossing, please. Could be too dangerous.”

Salami let out a malicious chuckle. “Don’t be silly, ya cur. Salami can cross any bridge he wants ta!”

“Not this one, you can’t!”

Salami frowned and licked his lips. “If ya don’t let me cross, I’ll kill ya!”

The officer’s eyes blazed. “That’s enough to get you a life sentence!”

“Hehaha. That’s enough to get you shoved.”

Salami rammed into the officer, propelling him over the bridge and to his doom.

Salami chuckled to himself. “Stupid cur. Just like me son, Ruber.”

Then Salami went skipping over the bridge. Moments later, he joined the officer.

So, whom do you identify with?

(1) Schwarz. Somebody could be trying to tell you something important, but you are to preoccupied with your own thoughts to listen.
(2) Salami. Your anger is immediately aroused when somebody tries to tell you not to do what you were about to do.

This professor identifies as #1.

16 Responses to “Circumstances–Why The Bridge Shouldn’t Have Been Crossed”

  1. 1 jannatwrites June 28, 2013 at 04:16

    Well, I most identify with #1. I’m not aggressive or quick to anger, so #2 was out.

    I wouldn’t blatantly disobey the officer to get across, though. I’d smile and thank him for his service. Then, I’d go back and get my friend (the pretty blonde one that all the guys fall all over) and go back to the bridge. While the officer was chatting up my pretty friend, I’d cross the bridge unnoticed. Completely ignored as I screamed all the way to my death.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke June 28, 2013 at 15:22

      This professor is #1 too. Ahh, so you would deceive to get across! That’s probably like the Punchy character Bud Parker. :)

  2. 3 deanthefish June 27, 2013 at 22:05

    I would be a #2 but then I’d swim when I fell. You might just say I’m evil… Yep, 100%

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 22:08


  3. 5 L. Marie June 27, 2013 at 19:43

    I identify with #3–Neither of the above. If pushed, however, to choose one, I would #1.5.

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 20:51

      Only push the officer off half way? ;)

  4. 7 krugthethinker June 27, 2013 at 17:00

    I love this! Every time I read your posts, I hear their voices as you read them in the videos, and it’s so much fun. I am probably some unidentified #3, who just convinces herself that there is nothing she needs on the other side of the bridge and trudges sadly home…

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 20:50

      Many thanks! I’m glad that you make that connection!

      Interestingly, #3 is defined by another Punchy character that was not in this post: Mr. Magi. If you’d like I could do a post about him?

      • 9 krugthethinker June 28, 2013 at 17:14

        Oh yes! That would be great! :)

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke June 28, 2013 at 19:59

        This coming Wednesday then!

  5. 11 sknicholls June 27, 2013 at 16:38

    being a bit of a rebel…I just don’t like being told what to do. first, i would look for another way to get across. If i had to be confrontational…I’m all in, so I would say #2

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 20:49

      That’s true. It would be pretty hard NOT to cross the bridge once you had come. So, maybe I’d be a rebel too?

  6. 13 wordsaver June 27, 2013 at 16:19


    • 14 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 20:48

      That’s me, too.

  7. 15 FictionFan June 27, 2013 at 16:14

    Sadly, I identify with #2! Mind you, if I’d been the police officer, I’d have known not to trust Daddy Salami – never trust a man with excessive facial hair!

    Just off for an ice lolly now… :lol:

    PS I like this category better!

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2013 at 20:48

      I’m glad you like this better than ‘The Brand of Folly.’ That category was quite vexing.

      #2?! Goodness. Well… By the way, Mark Twain had excessive facial hair, and he could be trusted. ;)

      :) I’m glad you found that tag. Must keep you interested, you know!

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
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