Circumstances–A Competition

Circumstances is a study of how completely different Punchy Landers react when presented with the exact same situation. Interestingly enough, I usually identify with one of the PLers; meaning, I could see myself behaving just as they did in that specific circumstance! So, without more ado, let it commence…

SITUATION: A hotdog competition. How many hotdogs can be eaten in five minutes?

Punchy Lander #1: Kirk Kirkpatrick. Kirk is the leader of the Punchies. He is said to have a great temper—when provoked.

Kirk seats himself at the competition table and awaits the commencement. He is flanked on each side by two large persons who seem to have hotdog competitions every time they sit and eat.

When the word is given to begin, Kirk calmly takes a hotdog from the platter before him and begins to cut it into bite size pieces with his dirk.

Soon, the five minutes is up. The two large persons have eaten 12 or more hotdogs, respectively. Kirk, on the other hand, is half way through his first.

When Kirk is told that he has lost, he becomes angry:

“What do you mean lost? I’ve won! Don’t you see? The two blubbery things to my left and right have eaten way more than I have!”

“Precisely,” the judge replies. “And that’s why you’ve lost.”

“What are you talking about?” Kirk replies, flustered. “Everyone knows that hotdog competitions aren’t about how much you eat but how little you eat.”

Punchy Lander #2: Daddy Salami. Salami makes his home in England. Well…that’s not exactly true. He actually lives in a dilapidated hut on the edge of a great forest. Salami is short, portly, and possesses a thick red moustache. He is usually quite malicious and…mean.

Daddy Salami prepares himself for the competition by laughing quite maliciously. I believe he is trying to intimidate his two competitors. (The same two, by the way.)

When the order is given to commence, Salami begins savagely. Half way through, however, he notices that he is falling behind–far behind. So, Salami does the only thing possible. He pulls out a knife and destroys the other two competitors.

“I’m sorry,” the judge says. “But you lose.”

Salami’s mouth drops open. “What ya mean, cur? I’ve won!”

“No, murder is against the rules. You’ve lost. And you’re going to jail.”

Salami’s eyes burn fiercely; the judge is doomed.

Punchy Lander #3: Schwarz Tauptinker. Schwarz makes his home in America of the Punchy Lands. He moves around quite frequently, so his residence is constantly changing. Schwarz is tall, muscular, and quite dull.

As soon as the competition begins, Schwarz begins to eat—vigorously. Even after the bell rings and he has won, Schwarz keeps eating hotdogs. He clears all the platters at the table, and the platters that were being prepared for the next competition, the competition after that, and the competition after that.

Schwarz is rushed to the ER moments later.

I know this is a difficult one, but we must identify with one PLer:
(1) Kirk. Would you completely miss the point of the competition?
(2) Salami. Would you brighten up your chances by getting rid of competition?
(3) Schwarz. Would you get into to it to such a degree that you end up killing yourself?

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38 Responses to “Circumstances–A Competition”


  1. 1 ladycheetah7 July 14, 2013 at 18:04

    Reblogged this on Life in the Concrete Jungle and commented:
    Professor VJ Duke is the blogger and I absolutely LUV the MicP Studios Video on Fridays. Take a read and enjoy!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2013 at 18:13

      Thanks! Many thanks!

      • 3 ladycheetah7 July 14, 2013 at 18:24

        Ur welcome.

  2. 4 Bebekoh July 13, 2013 at 12:58

    none of the above. I am a sore loser, so I don’t join competitions. Also, I am kind of lazy so I don’t really overwork. But I am resourceful, I look for ways to make my job easy and do as little as possible. (LOL!)

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2013 at 14:29

      Ah! I see. You might be like Manly-Man or Fats Henry.

  3. 6 Jackie July 12, 2013 at 16:59

    I’m a vegan and not a fan of hot dogs even if they are vegan but if I ended up in a competition like this I would probably be Kirk. Knowing myself as I do, I would miss the point of the competition accidentally on purpose cause I don’t care about competitions. :-D

    • 7 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2013 at 17:01

      :D Great reason!

      Personally, nothing would turn this professor off more than a hotdog competition!

  4. 8 Angeline M July 12, 2013 at 02:18

    Oh, I definitely would be Daddy Salami! Why, you ask? Because I went to Catholic school from kinder through college, and I’m sick of being good. And I want to say things like, “what ya mean, cur?”….I’ll roast in hell, hope they have hot dogs there.

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2013 at 14:54

      :lol: Salami’s definitely vicious! I wonder if he got sick of being good, or if he was always just bad. Probably the latter!

      • 10 Angeline M July 12, 2013 at 15:08

        I wonder if went to Catholic schools.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2013 at 15:15

        Hmm… Good question. He’s too much of a beast, though. If you read his character profile, you’d see! Such a wicked past!

  5. 12 krugthethinker July 11, 2013 at 21:00

    I think I’d be a Kirk, but of course, with a little Mr. Magi thrown in. I would have been happy to eat nothing at all, but not because I didn’t understand. Mostly because I don’t like hot dogs and am sort of opposed to the notion of an eating contest. Conscientious objector! However! A great July 4th-ish theme!

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2013 at 14:51

      Of course Mr. Magi! I think I agree. I don’t really care for hotdogs either, and eating contests are quite vexing.

  6. 14 Sonya Solomonovich July 11, 2013 at 18:09

    I’m very much like Kirk — I tend to make up my own set of rules and ignore the real rules.

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:14

      Best way to be! Just like the professor!

  7. 16 ladycheetah7 July 11, 2013 at 17:07

    Since I feel like I need to over compensate sometimes I would choose 3. I’m a bit too analytical for #1 and #2 I’d walk away just so he thought he won.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:02

      Haha. I love your reasons!

  8. 18 thephoenixlearningteam July 11, 2013 at 15:46

    Murder is against the rules…LOL

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 17:06

      Don’t you think it should be?

      • 20 thephoenixlearningteam July 11, 2013 at 17:44

        LOL…Great Question? Will he get the death penalty for his crimes?

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:00

        Who Salami? Na. He’s to creepy. You can go look at his profile under ‘The Hut’ if you’d like; and listen to him in the videos.

        Salami always manages to escape–and survive! ;)

  9. 22 deanthefish July 11, 2013 at 14:56

    Daddy Salami. Every time I watch a hotdog contest I feel like murdering all of the contestants.

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 17:06

      Funny, but me too. :)

  10. 24 FictionFan July 11, 2013 at 14:27

    Now this is a really difficult one.

    Firstly, my heart belongs to Daddy but, fond though I am of the occasional serial killer, even I feel he may have overstepped the mark a little on this occasion.

    Then there’s Schwarz – I find his actions quite understandable, but are hotdogs really worth dying for? Now had it been a chocolate-eating competition…

    And that leaves Kirk – well, it’s hard to overlook that he has made himself look a little foolish here, I admit. However….Kirk carries a dirk – which must mean he’s Scottish!! Therefore, Kirk wins!!!

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 17:05

      :lol: Well, Daddy is in RH2–the video coming out tomorrow.

      You understand Schwarz? I never have, and never will, I think.You know that chocolate is overrated!

      I knew you would catch Kirk’s dirk! He’s carried one for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, Kirk is likened to the Kirk from Scotland, ken? (Hope I used that right!)

      • 26 FictionFan July 11, 2013 at 17:30

        Aw that wis pure braw, man! Fancy you being able to speak Scottish and not English?!? Does Kirk wear a kilt…and eat clapshot?

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 17:58

        :) This professor can speak some Scottish. English is just too barbaric. Ice lollies!! Och!

        No, I think Kirk prefers breeks and Cups of Blueberry Jam (a famous Punchy drink).

      • 28 FictionFan July 11, 2013 at 18:15

        Aye, breeks are mair bonny richt enough! An’ a wee dish o blaeberry jam wid just go doon nicely roon aboot noo.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:22

        :lol: Boy oh boy!

        You should write a book review in this dialect!

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:26

        I’m really gettin’ a kick out of this!

      • 31 FictionFan July 11, 2013 at 18:31

        Ah, but then a fellow Scot might read it and realise I make half of it up! ;)

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:35

        You just crack me up! :lol:

  11. 33 L. Marie July 11, 2013 at 14:08

    Probably #1–Kirk. I’ve missed the boat on a lot of things. But I do love this post.

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 17:00

      Thank you! I was just wondering if I should keep this category…

      • 35 FictionFan July 11, 2013 at 18:17

        Yes, you should! :)

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 18:20

        I shall then!

  12. 37 JustDeb July 11, 2013 at 13:46

    I am definitely not a Salami. I tend to overdo but not enough to kill myself. So I am leaning toward Kirk, not necessarily missing the point, more not caring about the point.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2013 at 17:00

      Yes, I agree with you. If I had to pick one, it would be Kirk. Just because I don’t care about the point.


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