Circumstances is a study of how completely different Punchy Landers react when presented with the exact same situation. Interestingly enough, I usually identify with one of the PLers; meaning, I could see myself behaving just as they did in that specific circumstance! So, without more ado, let it commence…
SITUATION: A hotdog competition. How many hotdogs can be eaten in five minutes?
Punchy Lander #1: Kirk Kirkpatrick. Kirk is the leader of the Punchies. He is said to have a great temper—when provoked.
Kirk seats himself at the competition table and awaits the commencement. He is flanked on each side by two large persons who seem to have hotdog competitions every time they sit and eat.
When the word is given to begin, Kirk calmly takes a hotdog from the platter before him and begins to cut it into bite size pieces with his dirk.
Soon, the five minutes is up. The two large persons have eaten 12 or more hotdogs, respectively. Kirk, on the other hand, is half way through his first.
When Kirk is told that he has lost, he becomes angry:
“What do you mean lost? I’ve won! Don’t you see? The two blubbery things to my left and right have eaten way more than I have!”
“Precisely,” the judge replies. “And that’s why you’ve lost.”
“What are you talking about?” Kirk replies, flustered. “Everyone knows that hotdog competitions aren’t about how much you eat but how little you eat.”
Punchy Lander #2: Daddy Salami. Salami makes his home in England. Well…that’s not exactly true. He actually lives in a dilapidated hut on the edge of a great forest. Salami is short, portly, and possesses a thick red moustache. He is usually quite malicious and…mean.
Daddy Salami prepares himself for the competition by laughing quite maliciously. I believe he is trying to intimidate his two competitors. (The same two, by the way.)
When the order is given to commence, Salami begins savagely. Half way through, however, he notices that he is falling behind–far behind. So, Salami does the only thing possible. He pulls out a knife and destroys the other two competitors.
“I’m sorry,” the judge says. “But you lose.”
Salami’s mouth drops open. “What ya mean, cur? I’ve won!”
“No, murder is against the rules. You’ve lost. And you’re going to jail.”
Salami’s eyes burn fiercely; the judge is doomed.
Punchy Lander #3: Schwarz Tauptinker. Schwarz makes his home in America of the Punchy Lands. He moves around quite frequently, so his residence is constantly changing. Schwarz is tall, muscular, and quite dull.
As soon as the competition begins, Schwarz begins to eat—vigorously. Even after the bell rings and he has won, Schwarz keeps eating hotdogs. He clears all the platters at the table, and the platters that were being prepared for the next competition, the competition after that, and the competition after that.
Schwarz is rushed to the ER moments later.
I know this is a difficult one, but we must identify with one PLer:
(1) Kirk. Would you completely miss the point of the competition?
(2) Salami. Would you brighten up your chances by getting rid of competition?
(3) Schwarz. Would you get into to it to such a degree that you end up killing yourself?