Circumstances—Don’t Drink the Lemonade

Circumstances is a study of how a few completely different Punchy Landers react when presented with the exact same situation. Interestingly enough, I usually identify with one of the PLers; meaning, I could see myself behaving just as they did in that specific circumstance!

If you would like more information on certain PL characters, ‘hover’ over The Hut page. A dropdown menu will appear. (The professor is still in the process of building this vexing list. I fear it will be quite huge when finished.)

So, without more ado, let it commence…

SITUATION: A great party is taking place at Fat Man Island. But the lemonade remains unmade in the kitchen…

Punchy Lander #1: Fats Henry. Henry owns Fat Man Island. He’s a very, very large man—in complete agreement with his name. Henry is loud, obnoxious, and quite brazen.

Henry stormed into the kitchen—angrily.

“Where’s the lemonade?” he roared.

But the kitchen was vacant.

“Where’s the cook?”

Of course, there was no answer.

“I’ll have to make it myself then, because the guests want it!”

Henry pulled down a large mixing bowl, and added five cups of sugar. Then he added hot water—for sugar dissolves much better in hot water—and a few whole lemons.

“They better like it,” he grumbled.

Henry picked up the steaming pitcher and rejoined the party…


Punchy Lander #2: Bud Parker. Parker is a young guy who lives and works on Fat Man Island. He’s an inventor—but not a cook.

Parker entered the kitchen and looked about.

No cook and no lemonade.

Parker shrugged. “Oh well, bud, no lemonade. Henry might be mad, but what can I do? Just have to tell him that the cook forgot.”

Bud Parker exited the kitchen, ready to take the full wrath of an angry Henry.


Punchy Lander #3: Ruber Salami. Ruber is Daddy Salami’s son. He’s quite ugly, and he thinks he can cook—but he can’t.

“Well, well, no lemonade, eh? I’ll just have to make some.”

Ruber set about the task with glee.

“Why don’t I make it a Ruber Special? You know, make it the best lemonade any of these guests have ever tasted, eh? That’s for me!”

Ruber—like Henry—produced a large mixing bowl. But unlike Henry, he added some salt, brown sugar, and celery seed to a water/milk mixture. Next, he cut up some spinach.

“Ow! Wouldn’t you know I’d cut myself with the knife? No worries. I hope the guests don’t mind a little blood in their homemade lemonade! Huhha! [A Ruber laugh.] I mean, it’s not everyday that one can drink lemonade like this!”

Ruber added the spinach to the bowl, mixed everything around, and rejoined the party.

Yes, he forgot lemons, or any semblance of lemon flavoring.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how his creation was received.


So, whom do you identify with?
(1)Fats Henry. You’d end up making lemonade, but you would know—deep down in—that it was terrible and nobody was going to like it.
(2) Bud Parker. You’d find the lack of lemonade a great pity, but not great enough to try and do something about it.
(3) Ruber Salami. You’d think yourself a great chef, and you’d think that you were doing a great service to the guests by providing them with your concoction. But in reality, all you were doing was actually cursing them.


29 Responses to “Circumstances—Don’t Drink the Lemonade”

  1. 1 L. Marie July 22, 2013 at 23:45

    Well, if I have to go with one of them, I’ll go with Schwarz–number 2.5, who bought rotten lemons from Ruber. Oh wait. That’s another story and another fruit. Okay. I’ll go with Fats Henry then.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 00:00

      Haha. No, Schwarz still probably bought rotten lemons from Ruber!

  2. 3 Jackie July 18, 2013 at 19:29

    I’d be Bud for sure! It’s not my party so I’m not responsible if something didn’t get made. If someone asked me nicely to make it I might depending on my mood.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 19:58

      I quite agree. I wouldn’t help Henry out either. He’s too dadblame mean! I don’t think I’d even make it if someone asked me nicely!

      • 5 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 20:05

        Please, dear Professor, won’t you please make some lemonade? I’m so thirsty…and you’re my hero!

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 22:12

        :lol: How could I resist? Of course I’ll make you some lemonade–Henry style.

      • 7 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 22:31

        :lol: Don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I think I’ll pass!

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 22:32

        You sure? Wouldn’t even drink it for your hero?

      • 9 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 23:05

        I know anyone worthy of being my hero would make sure he only offered me delicious lemonade…

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 23:29

        Mr. Ratherquite would offer you delicious lemonade…

      • 11 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 23:40

        I think he may well be the Punchy man for me! I see there’s no profile for him yet…delayed for a week, is it? ;)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 23:42

        Uh-huh. Getting rid of Salami. Well!

        I’m really not sure how to go about his profile. I really want to give you the full Ratherquite, so you can really, really understand him…

  3. 13 krugthethinker July 18, 2013 at 17:31

    I love these! I laughed at all three of them. On this one, I might be more of a Bud, but only because I personally find party-throwing kind of stressful. Water for everyone! Mostly because I would need to be mingling and making sure no one feels too awkward. That’s my first priority:)

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 18:27

      Thank you very much! Me too. I’d be like Bud. A good first priority. You wouldn’t want to worry about the lemonade to such an extent that you ended up forgetting about the guests! A travesty indeed!

  4. 15 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 12:43

    Oh, I’m definitely a Parker in this case. Way, way too lazy to make lemonade when there’s a party to be enjoyed. Ruber’s awfully sweet though, and it was nice of him to try. I hope the party guests weren’t too cruel to him. Huhha!

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 13:04

      I think you’d be the first to describe Ruber as sweet. (Maybe Daddy Salami did, but he wasn’t being truthful.)

      You see, if Ruber brought me that horrid mixture, I would have smashed the pitcher over his rotten little head! But Ruber’s a brute. He can take care of himself too well, I believe.

      • 17 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 13:10

        Ooh, poor Ruber!!! Now I’m beginning to think you’re less like Mr Magi and more like Daddy Salami…which, unexpectedly, would make you my hero…hmm! ;)

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 13:57

        Ah, I must admit, the professor would make a beast of a hero! (Said proudly, of course.)

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 14:00

        And don’t feel bad for Ruber. Had he a tail, I would have electrocuted it by now! And Salami would have laughed!!!

      • 20 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 14:39

        Aha! The truth comes out! The electrocution was deliberate!! Poor Bob!!!

        I don’t know if you can be my hero after this… :cry:

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 14:49

        It was not! I was just using an example. I would never hurt my poor baby boy!!! But, Salami might…

      • 22 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 15:12

        I think you’re just trying to put me off Daddy – jealosy, jealosy!

    • 23 deanthefish July 18, 2013 at 13:41

      I think you’ll find the Professor is a combination of all of the characters from the PLs.

      • 24 FictionFan July 18, 2013 at 13:49

        :lol: What a totally terrifying thought! Like a living Russian doll with infinite layers, each weirder than the one before…

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 13:58

        :lol: Don’t believe one word of the fish! He’s unreliable! The characters are as real as Bob’s short, electrocuted tail!!

  5. 26 ladycheetah7 July 18, 2013 at 12:12

    #1 is too much like my boss #3 reminds me of my step father who thought he was the best cook and best looking so I will go with #2. I take absolutely no responsibility…lol

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 13:01

      Like your boss? :lol: I think I agree with you totally…

  6. 28 sknicholls July 18, 2013 at 11:20

    I would make the lemonade, more or less like Fats Henry. I can’t see celery in lemonade, and I wouldn’t probably walk away from it either. I am a helper and I like to rectify situations as best I can.

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2013 at 13:00

      Though, you’d probably make it much, much better than Henry!

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
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