Punchy Proverbs…Shnodgrate

Before the Punchy Proverbs are listed, I must share with you a conversation I had with V. Shnodgrate, writer of the Punchy Proverbs.

Shnodgrate and I ran into each other in Prince Beef’s palace, if I recall correctly. He seemed to be in a hurry.

“Good day, Mr. Shnodgrate,” I said happily.

“Good for some, maybe, but not good for all,” he replied sharply.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“What I said.”

“Well…” I stammered. “I know that. What I meant is: Why isn’t your day good?”

“Because, Professor Duke, you happen to be a liar.”


“Yes! You. You talk about the Punchy Lands like you know everything there is to know about it. Then—worse yet—you publish what you think you know. Malediction! Needless to say, you lie about a great many things.

“I do not! The professor never lies! I get all of my facts straight. I’m a historian, I’ll have you know. The professor doesn’t lie!”

“Fine then,” Shnodgrate said.

Then, quite surprisingly, he changed the subject. “I’ll send you three new proverbs to post this week.”



V. Shnodgrate departed quickly.

Of course, I thought no more of our conversation—that is, until the proverbs arrived:

(1) The professor doesn’t lie; he just stretches the truth.
(2) Those who acquaint niceness with goodness are deceived.
(3) Nothing can’t become something, and something can’t become anything.

Pick your favorites! And please don’t choose #1!!!


54 Responses to “Punchy Proverbs…Shnodgrate”

  1. 1 HoaiPhai July 23, 2013 at 14:19

    So, #1 is off limits and I disagree with #3 so I guess I’m stuck with #2 (the story of my life…*ahem*), but I feel a whole lot more comfortable when niceness with goodness go hand-in-hand.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 14:40

      #3 is definitely an interest. Shnodgrate had a lot of ‘hidden’ meanings in there.

      I know. Doesn’t #2 just resonate? This professor would prefer, too, if they went hand-in-hand–which they do sometimes! I’m sure they do with you!

  2. 3 L. Marie July 22, 2013 at 23:34

    I have to go with #3. Somehow it reminds me of a song from The Sound of Music.

    • 4 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 23:36

      Hmmm… yes now that you bring it up, that does seem a bit familiar… let’s see what the old professor has to say.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 23:36

      Oh really? That’s neat. What song?

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 23:38

        Old professor? I shall do a post–soon–about stereotypings of the professorish stock!

    • 7 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 23:44

      The line “Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever should” I think is in the song “Something Good.”

      Yes Professor, you cannot hide your age from one of your interlocutors.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 00:03

        You, young man, need a beating–with a femur.

    • 9 deanthefish July 23, 2013 at 00:05

      I suppose I do really. :) But thank you for considering us young.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 00:10

        Fish aren’t young or old; they just ‘exist’. Young is meant to belittle… ;)

      • 11 FictionFan July 23, 2013 at 00:13

        You mean when you called me ‘young lady’ you were belittling me?? :cry:

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 00:30

        Not at all. That rule is only good when one is talking to a fish!

        For you, dear, it’s a term of endearment. ;)

      • 13 FictionFan July 23, 2013 at 00:36

        Smooth! Very smooth, C-W-W! ;)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 00:39

        I love the abbreviation! This professor must put it into use! C-W-W!

    • 15 deanthefish July 23, 2013 at 00:34

      Ah, Professor errs while trying to insult me. I believe “fish” is quickly becoming a pejorative around here.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2013 at 00:40

        Now, now, fish.

  3. 17 sonya solomonovich July 22, 2013 at 19:55

    Yes, I am especially puzzled by “something can’t become anything.” It’s very much like a Zen koan.

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 20:17

      But it’s all around professorish even though it was written by Shnodgrate, right?

      • 19 sonya solomonovich July 22, 2013 at 20:49

        Yes indeed! By the way, I see you’re amassing a great assortment of characters in the Hut. I look forward to exploring them in more detail!

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 21:19

        Oh, yes I am. It’s a job, all right!

        I bet I have close to one hundred to do.

        Definitely check them out, and leave comments about your thoughts!

  4. 21 sonya solomonovich July 22, 2013 at 19:50

    As Captain Bougainville said: “I am a voyager and a seaman; that is a liar and a stupid fellow, in the eyes of that class of indolent haughty writers, who in their closets reason ad infinitum on the world and its inhabitants, and with an air of superiority, confine nature within the limits of their own invention.”

    I like number 3 because I don’t know if I understand it…

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 19:51

      C. Bougainville sounds interesting, definitely.

      #3 is an interest. Shnodgrate has some hidden meanings in there, I do believe!

  5. 23 krugthethinker July 22, 2013 at 19:33

    Professor Duke a liar? Nay, nay! I like number 2. So very true. Hey, I rhymed!

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 19:44

      :) That makes this professor feel good! Yeah, #2 is good. (I loved the rhyme.)

  6. 25 Jackie July 22, 2013 at 13:50

    Sounds like Shnodgrate is jealous! Could it be he wishes he was you? Ah well there’s always a wet blanket in a crowd of laundry or something to that effect. Anywhoo, #2 is so very true! What do all the neighbors of a man say when he gets caught with lots of dead bodies buried in the backyard? He seemed like such a nice fellow! Things are not always as they appear to be.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:53

      Maybe that is it! Maybe–just maybe, mind you–Shnodgrate is jealous of the professor! I think you hit on something there. Definitely a wet blanket–a big wet blaknet.

      Yes, you’re right. That’s what they always say. How unnerving.

  7. 27 Susan P July 22, 2013 at 13:27

    I prefer to believe that you live in several different universes.

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:28

      You know, I think I just might! But why do you think that?

  8. 29 ladycheetah7 July 22, 2013 at 12:31

    Well you responded honestly to my post yesterday so will pass on number one. My pick is #2. There were people who were nice to me but hated my gutts and I found out the truth later. Now there is someone on my job and he repulses me and it takes way too much energy to be nice.

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:07

      Thank you! I’m so glad that you don’t think the professor a liar!

      #2 is my favorite too. And you understood it perfectly.

      :lol: You always make me laugh. He repulses? Maybe a ripio for him then! ;)

      • 31 ladycheetah7 July 22, 2013 at 13:13

        Yah! I’m trying to transition out of banking so being on my best behavior will be a bit of a challenge. ..lol

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:14

        Well, try your best, but talk like Salami inside! It might help the frustration!

  9. 33 FictionFan July 22, 2013 at 12:18

    Well, No. 3 is just wrong – else how do you explain the Big Bang?

    No.1 – I’ve never known the Professor to lie…though whether that’s because he’s honest, or just sneakily convincing, I don’t know. Hmm… he does claim he can spell, though, and that’s clearly not true…

    So, by default, No. 2 wins.

    I hope you beat V. Shnodgrate over the head with his own femur?

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 12:28

      Ha! If you believe #3, you can’t! :D

      And you would be right. The professor is not a teller of tales! He never could spell, though…

      By default? #2 is amazing!!!

      Yes, I’m already planning an attack. I do think I’ll be using a dino’s femur since he’ll feel that more acutely.

      • 35 FictionFan July 22, 2013 at 12:45

        That seems rather unfair on the dino though – I suspect he’ll feel it quite acutely too!

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:06

        It’s perfectly fair…if he’s a by-product from the Big Bang…

      • 37 FictionFan July 22, 2013 at 13:36

        But…you’re a by-product of the Big Bang too! How would you like it if someone ‘borrowed’ your femur without asking…?

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:50

        This professor is most definitely not! The only thing that has ever been a by-product of big bangs is death. ;)

        By the way, I wouldn’t want to be cruel. So, I’d probably put the dino to death before I borrowed it.

      • 39 FictionFan July 22, 2013 at 13:54

        Oh, that’s all right then!

        So you don’t believe you’re made of stardust? I definitely am – a cosmic miracle! ;)

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:59

        No, not stardust. Just dust. Dust of the earth, to be exact. A cosmic miracle? :) How about a book-reviewer miracle?

        The BB is as impossible as Bob having a long tail! :)

    • 41 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 13:49

      A long time ago, in a sterile environment without any combustible materials, or any elements, or any sort of matter at all for that matter, an explosion occurred. Don’t ask what caused the explosion or what the explosion was, because that all had to do with the previous explosion even further back. Strictly taboo.

      • 42 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 13:50

        Nothing cannot become something… my favorite!!

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:52

        Yes, yes, I quite agree.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 13:51

        Deany ol’ boy, always amazing sentiments!

      • 45 FictionFan July 22, 2013 at 13:52

        I have a mathematician/physicist friend who’s explained the BB to me a zillion times – and I still haven’t a clue. But he does get quite upset when I ask for the umpteenth time ‘But what came before the BB?’ ;)

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 14:26

        That would be fun: making him quite upset. But don’t believe what you hear in college.

      • 47 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 13:56

        Strictly taboo. Though quite a few suggests aliens nowadays.

    • 48 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 14:00

      As a side note… the latter portion of #3 suggests evolution is unlikely… very interesting, double edged proverb!!

      • 49 deanthefish July 22, 2013 at 14:03

        Yes if you’re still into the big bang, you are very old-fashioned, very. Aliens are in style now, for sure.

  10. 50 Elina July 22, 2013 at 12:02

    Stretching the truth huh, oh Professor :) I hope you never, at least not in a bad way :) I choose # 3 – makes sense although depends on how you look at it.

    • 51 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 12:25

      The professor doesn’t lie, don’t worry. Shnodgrate was just being cruel.

      #3 is an interest. And, yes, it does depend on how you look at it.

      • 52 Elina July 22, 2013 at 12:30


  11. 53 Simply Inquisitive July 22, 2013 at 11:29

    Oh my! Well Professor I wouldn’t have thunk it, ever, but now that it’s been brought to my head, well, are you? A, a, a, liar… or I mean a, a, stretcher of the truth? I couldn’t, no wouldn’t, NO SHOULD NOT, believe it. Please let me know….. Number 2 is my favorite and too true.

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2013 at 11:38

      Of course it’s not true! Dadblameit! The professor doesn’t lie at all. Shnodgrate was just being vindictive, I do believe.

      #2 is good–much better than #1!

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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