Circumstances is a study of how several completely different Punchy Landers react when presented with the exact same situation. Interestingly enough, I usually identify with one of the PLers; meaning, I could see myself behaving just as they did in that specific circumstance!
If you would like more information on certain PL characters, ‘hover’ over The Hut page. A dropdown menu will appear. (The professor is still in the process of building this vexing list. I fear it will be quite huge when finished.)
So, without more ado, let it commence…
SITUATION: A small apple tree is perfectly bare. Hasn’t produced a single apple. The gall, after all the work, time, and love that was invested into its betterment…
Punchy Lander #1: Schwarz Tauptinker. Schwarz makes his home in America of the Punchy Lands. He moves around quite frequently, so his residence is constantly changing. Schwarz is tall, muscular, and quite dull.
Schwarz stared at the apple tree quizzically.
“You know,” he said, shaking his head, “don’t know. I really can’t understand why the chicky it doesn’t give me some apples. Why won’t it do? Don’t know.”
Schwarz moved around the tree, inspecting every inch.
“Maybe an apple is hiding somewhere? Maybe I overlooked it in my zeal to find one? Don’t know.”
Schwarz inspected the tree for another hour—at least.
“Well, nothing. Okay, then. I’ll just have to eat the leaves. Apple leaves must be tasty.”
Schwarz picked all the leaves off the tree, and went off to make a pie.
The tree perished the next day.
Punchy Lander #2: Fats Henry. Henry owns Fat Man Island. He’s a very, very large man—in complete agreement with his name. Henry is loud, obnoxious, and quite brazen.
“Dumb, stupid, dumb tree!” Henry fumed, looking at his only hope for something sweet. “Why haven’t you given me an apple, huh? I’ve been waiting for so long, and I want one real badly!”
Of course, the tree didn’t answer, which seemed to vex Henry all the more.
Henry gave the tree a walloping kick.
“There you go, you stupid, dumb thing! But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”
Henry searched the whole tree—from top to bottom—in search of an apple.
“Okay, ultimatum, you dumb, stupid tree! You have five seconds to produce an apple before I destroy you, you stupid, dumb thing! 5…4…3…2…1… YOU’RE DEAD!!!”
Henry ran and got an ax…
Punchy Lander #3: Mr. Magi. Mr. Magi considers himself the peacekeeper of the land. For more information, please visit his character profile. Just hover over The Hut.
Mr. Magi looked at the tree and sighed.
“Poor thing. I really can’t think what else to do for you… Unless I redo everything I’ve done. You really should be giving me apples by now… Hmm…”
Mr. Magi began to rub his chin thoughtfully. He was deep in thought.
Suddenly, Schwarz came up.
“Hey,” he said.
Mr. Magi jumped slightly. “Ahh, Mr. Tauptinker, how are you doing?”
“Not too good,” Schwarz said as he gripped his middle. “I had a horrible snack. The apples that my tree gave me are going to kill me, you know what I mean? Chickit!”
“Really?” Mr. Magi seemed interested. “I see. Well… My tree hasn’t given me any apples.”
Schwarz looked up, surprised. “What’d you mean? It has plenty of apples.” Schwarz pointed towards the leaves.
“Ahh,” Mr. Magi said knowingly, “you ate your apple tree’s leaves, didn’t you?”
Schwarz’s mouth fell open. “And it wasn’t good.”
“Of course not, young man! You aren’t supposed to eat the leaves, but the apples!”
“Well,” Schwarz said, “don’t eat the apples; mine just weren’t good.”
Schwarz walked away and Mr. Magi stared after him, puzzled. Then he looked back at the tree.
“Well, young man, let’s get down to work. I’ll have you producing fruit if it’s the last thing I do!”
So, whom do you identify with?
(1) Schwarz Tauptinker. You’d want apples so badly that you’d find them, even if they weren’t there.
(2) Fats Henry. You’d grow impatient and quite angry, and end up destroying the tree.
(3) Mr. Magi. You’d keep caring for it, despite its unfaithfulness.