Behind the Scenes—A Ripping Book Review

Ripping Book Reviews are anticipated with great interest in the PL—not necessarily for the review itself, but rather for something very specific which happens to some evil books.

Schwarz Tauptinker once asked me:

“Hey, P. VJ, can I do a ripping review? I mean, can I do?” (All the PL’ers call me P. VJ for some strange reason.)

“Well, Schwarz,” I said, “I’m not sure that um…that your…uhh… That you would be understood!”

“But…why? If I do, then they’ll do, right?”

I changed the subject—which was for the best—and Schwarz forgot about it rather quickly. (But, I seriously might let him do a ripping book review one day.)

Anyway, when a very, very, very evil book comes along, it goes through a dual-ripping. Ripped in a review and then ripped with the professor’s toy, his sharp blade, his Katana.

Now, only very few vexing books literally get ripped. This professor is not at liberty to tell you their unfortunate titles, for fear of inspiring…fear.

DSC00129

DSC00130

blade s2

book

An unfortunate book…

samauri virtues31

The eight virtues of the Samurai, I think. I’m rather certain that ripping very evil books should be added as a virtue, don’t you think so?

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51 Responses to “Behind the Scenes—A Ripping Book Review”


  1. 1 e1aine September 2, 2013 at 21:16

    I just can’t condone ripping books (librarian!) but as they were evil, and more important really boring, I do understand.

    Now, my husband has a collection of seriously boring train books and my daughter has a samurai sword, I must be off to do a little job.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 22:23

      You’re right. It is a beastly thing to do. But some books seem to deserve it.

      Really? :) A sword? Now that’s really, really neat. :lol: But I bet your husband will be cranky!

  2. 3 daniellajoe September 2, 2013 at 14:59

    Yes :-)

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:44

      :D Awesome! Which should be added first?

      • 5 daniellajoe September 2, 2013 at 16:22

        Don Quixote my first and last long novel…

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 18:17

        Should the professor read this? Why was the book vexing?

      • 7 daniellajoe September 2, 2013 at 19:38

        No!!! It’s just very boring, it will cure insomnia in my humble opinion …

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 19:48

        Aha! That’s exactly what I thought about The Thirty-Nine steps. Ever read it?

      • 9 daniellajoe September 2, 2013 at 21:19

        No, but thanks for the “heads up” :-)

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 22:25

        It’s supposedly at short thriller–everything but! Quite vexing, really.

  3. 11 krugthethinker August 21, 2013 at 01:46

    Hahaha! I generally hold books sacred, but I can think of a few that need to be met with a sword (not War and Peace! War and Peace is glorious!). I really like art displays made out of books, but then people complain that books were maimed in the process. Maybe these ripped books would be good for that–they could give their pages in the name of a higher cause! Sort of like book organ donors;)

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 12:19

      The professor has never read War and Peace! :lol: I like that: book organ donors, and I agree. We’ll have to make arrangements immediately. :)

  4. 13 Sonya Solomonovich August 20, 2013 at 17:30

    Oh, and I would be very curious to see a ripping review by Schwarz!

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 19:00

      Really? I shall keep it in mind. Would you prefer any character over Schwarz?

      • 15 Sonya Solomonovich August 20, 2013 at 20:07

        Perhaps Daddy Salami or Manly Man. In fact Manly Man’s review would probably be the funniest.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 00:23

        Okay, then! The professor will give it thought!

  5. 17 Sonya Solomonovich August 20, 2013 at 17:29

    I’m generally against the physical ripping of books, but if this happens to be Edith Wharton’s Age of Innocence or Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace…. rip away!

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 18:59

      See? There are some books which just need a good ripping!

  6. 19 ladycheetah7 August 20, 2013 at 17:00

    That book should have been honored to be ripped by such a marvelous sword.

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 18:59

      I agree! And thank you! That’s why I thought about using the Ka-bar instead.

  7. 21 weggieboy August 20, 2013 at 14:46

    My cats claim and defend books and magazines I set on the floor.

    This morning Dougy worked at catching a mouse trapped inside the “livre de jour”, or so he would have me believe as he rammed a terrible paw into the binding to extract same “mousie”!

    When I noticed he noticed me notice him, he became more aggressive so, I presume, he knew I knew he knew I knew he was defending the house and me from vermin!

    “Good boy, Dougy! Now I understand why you and Andy perch on top of books and magazines I set on the floor. That’s how you contain the mice!”

    You will notice how closely their behavior matches the seven virtues of the Bushido Code, which is why I believe all cats are Japanese. (Ninjas all!)

    I note, too, there are no bad books, just good cats when mice are involved. Your role as a reviewer is to determine which are mouse-infested so I know which ones to put on the floor for the boys to clean up! Simple.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 18:58

      :lol: Great comment! :D

      I agree. Cats are ninjas. Especially Bob!

      The professor loves his new role. I shall let the team of Dougy and Andy know when such a book comes along and then they can dispose of…the mice!

  8. 23 Susan P August 20, 2013 at 14:30

    But…

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 14:36

      :lol: But what, dear Susan?

      • 25 Susan P August 20, 2013 at 17:34

        But you could have recycled it…. http://e1aine.wordpress.com/?s=dress

      • 26 Susan P August 20, 2013 at 17:36

        Better link: http://e1aine.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/dress-made-from-a-book/

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 18:56

        :lol: You’re right, but it’s very unprofessorish!

      • 28 Susan P August 20, 2013 at 23:39

        Alas.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 00:24

        Tis true.

  9. 30 Jackie August 20, 2013 at 14:16

    Very nice blade! Some books just have to die that’s just the way it is. It’s a shame a tree had to die so that these books can live. Life’s not fair sometimes.

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 14:36

      :D Thank you!!! I know. Sometimes books must be put to death. So, I suppose, the tree ultimately dies…twice?

      • 32 Jackie August 20, 2013 at 14:43

        I suppose that would be true! What an injustice.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 14:44

        Cruelty at its finest!

  10. 34 deanthefish August 20, 2013 at 13:21

    Very cool. I think I recognize that book….

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 14:35

      You would too, Mr. Fish, but it’s a wonder that your fish eyes can actually see at all…

      • 36 deanthefish August 20, 2013 at 16:30

        THIS is one fish with 17/20 vision. And I say, old professors that are wobbly at the knees with long white beards are more likely to have weak eyes than even the blindest fish.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 18:56

        But this professor wears binoculars for glasses!

  11. 38 FictionFan August 20, 2013 at 13:14

    I sincerely hope that’s not Gatsby lying dismembered all over the floor, dear Prof! The Katana is very impressive – what do the symbols mean? Is that a record of the number of worms you have successfully hunted?

    (Do you mount their little heads on your wall, BTW?)

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 14:34

      :D It could be…maybe P&P, though.

      Thank you! The symbols are the Bushido Code’s seven virtues: rectitude, courage, benevolence, respect, honesty, honor and loyalty. Very professorish.

      Little heads? Remember, I hunt giant worms. And, yes, I keep trophies…out in the shed.

      • 40 FictionFan August 20, 2013 at 18:32

        Definitely very professorish. :D

        :lol: I want photos!! Do you use the Katana straightaway, or do you try to spear them with your knives first…?

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 19:02

        It depends. Sometimes the worms attack first–in which case the sword is used straight out. Other times, I need pepper spray; and still other times, I need the ka-bar. I’ve never really tried throwing knives at them, and I should get a spear…

        Photos would be too gruesome!

      • 42 FictionFan August 20, 2013 at 20:22

        I had never realised America was so dadblamed dangerous! Thank goodness there are brave people like the Professor willing to face any peril! :cool:

        (Ka-bar – another weapon I had to Google. I do hope I’m not being monitored by the Secret Service….or the Giant Worms!)

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 00:25

        :D :cool:

        :lol: You’re learning a lot about weaponry–and aren’t you proud! (Wasn’t the ka-bar a beauty?)

      • 44 FictionFan August 21, 2013 at 00:56

        Just trying to get my head round the idea of you as a Samurai, ex-marine, knife-throwing, wobbly-kneed Professor…if I was the creative type, I’m pretty sure you’d be starring in my next screenplay…

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 01:02

        Thanks for the idea! Being a moustachioed, slightly older than 21 yet old enough to be a 22-year-old’s mother, book devouring, Darby-loving FF, you may just make the cut the next time I write a screen play! :D :cool:

      • 46 FictionFan August 21, 2013 at 01:04

        :lol: :lol: Just so long as you don’t cast me as the hero’s mother…

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 01:32

        It would actually be quite interesting to see where you’d fit nicely. It’d be a challenge, definitely, but a :cool: one!

  12. 48 The Dancing Rider August 20, 2013 at 13:01

    If only I could read Japanese, or the title of that book. I must admit, sheepishly, that I did try on the pages, but it was too blurry. Lol. I love the literal ripping…..

    • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2013 at 14:32

      The professor would have tried to zoom on the pages too! :) I’m rather sure that the symbols are the Bushido Code’s seven virtues: rectitude, courage, benevolence, respect, honesty, honor, and loyalty…and it really incriminates the professor.

      • 50 The Dancing Rider August 20, 2013 at 22:08

        Those are a tough seven.

    • 51 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2013 at 00:25

      Too tough!


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