A Series of Letters

You may want to read both Mr. Magi’s and Merlin’s profile, before reading below.

My dear Mr. Magi,

As I’m sure you’re aware—possibly you might not be aware, though, for it is somewhat hush-hush as of now—there is a crisis, a deep, dark crisis that is on the rise in England, and it has to do with a very specific PL’er who has caused us many problems in the past for many different reasons.

Write immediately if you’re as concerned as I.

Cheers and other things,
Merlin Esq.

““““““““““““““`
Dear Merlin:

Your letter left me utterly befuddled and somewhat anxious for two reasons. Firstly, I was not aware of any crisis. You see, my job keeps me rather busy at all times. I must, day after day, night after night, week after week, month after month, and year after year, make sure that the land is functioning properly. Consequently, then, even I miss some ‘growing’ problems. That’s why it is good of you to keep your eyes widely opened to such ‘growing’ problems.

So I am definitely concerned; please write with more details.

Secondly, why ‘Esq.’ after your name?

Hope is the best of hopes,
Jon Magi

““““““““““““““`
Mr. Mr. Magi:

I understand that you’re busy, but not even you are busy enough to ignore a crisis of this magnitude. I shall tell you exactly what is blossoming over here, for it has the potential to be very, very dangerous—as I’m sure you’re aware in one way or another.

This is what’s up: Ruber Salami, Daddy Salami’s son—the man that lives in that hut, you know?—is opening a restaurant called ‘Ruber’s Catering.’ I tease not about this, Magi my dear friend. This is completely true, and we must act quickly.

Daddy Salami is enthralled about the idea. Just yesterday he told me—very plainly, mind you—that he expected me to eat at his son’s place. He said, “Now listen, ya old turtle-goat, when me son’s food shack opens, you’re expected to eat there, or I’ll take care of ya!”

You see, the threats already begin.

About the ‘Esq’: It makes me seem more important, I think. And it’s also a way to keep everything hush-hush. If one was to pick up this letter—one of intense unscrupulousness—he wouldn’t know for sure if I was the ‘right’ Merlin.

Write soon, good friend,
Merlin Esq.

““““““““““““““`
Merlin:

You have perturbed me just a little bit, you must understand. First of all, this is no crisis. If Ruber wants to open a ‘food shack’ that is his right. As for Mr. Daddy Salami, ignore him. He won’t do much. And you might as well try Ruber’s place. Ruber’s cooking isn’t all that bad, by the way. (Sometimes it’s hard to take, though.)

Now these letters must really stop. I’m going to be hibernating soon, and I don’t want you working me up for no reason.

Your reasons for using ‘Esq.’ are plain silly.

Mr. Magi

““““““““““““““`
Magi! you unscrupulous beast! This is important business and you are turning a deaf ear—or two! This is not a time to go hibernating, do you hear me, you unscrupulous one? I am very heated right now! You either do something or I’ll do something!

It is not silly! You are silly unscrupulousness itself!

Merlin Esq.

““““““““““““““`
This is an automated reply. You’ve lettered me and I’m hibernating. If it is urgent, please bide your time; if it’s not, please wait; if it’s Merlin, just go away!

~ Mr. Magi

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33 Responses to “A Series of Letters”


  1. 1 krugthethinker August 27, 2013 at 04:24

    Awesome! I always love it when Magi makes an appearance. And maybe I should start using Esq. after my name too…it does make me sound important.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2013 at 12:29

      Yes, it made this professor think about using Esq. too, but I’m just not sure about it. I knew you’d enjoy Mr. Magi. :)

  2. 3 Susan P August 25, 2013 at 13:43

    Sounds like someone has cracked the password on someone else’s Facebook. :D

    • 4 Susan P August 25, 2013 at 13:43

      And has managed to get into their private messaging.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2013 at 18:47

      :lol: But would the professor ever do anything like that? ;)

      • 6 Susan P August 25, 2013 at 19:08

        I don’t know, Professor, would he?

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2013 at 23:56

        Oh no!

  3. 8 ladycheetah7 August 22, 2013 at 18:12

    Baaaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaa.
    I wish my work emails could have that ending. Just lovely. Oh, and as for the Esq. I have heard of stories when I worked in bankruptcy at one of the mortgage companies how some get what is called a mill diploma operating out of their basements and end up getting arrested for passing off as a lawyer in addition to other unscrupulous acts so Merlin should be careful. :-)

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 19:51

      I know, it would be great.

      :lol: Merlin would deserve it, though, don’t you think? :)

  4. 10 Brenda August 22, 2013 at 16:20

    Manothunder, what great names you have here, Professor, I’m especially fond of Ratheryucketh. I feel a bit like Daffy Duck, maybe spitting once or twice on the “eth” at the end. :-)

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 16:59

      Thank you! :lol: I understand that. Really, though, the poor soul’s name is Mr. Ratherquite. One disgruntled PL family member refers to him as Ratheryucketh since he grades on the nerves.

      • 12 FictionFan August 22, 2013 at 19:58

        (Oy! I’m as gruntled as you are, maburnit!)

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 23:32

        I apologize, FF! Of course you are. Mr. R just vexes you, I suppose. :)

      • 14 Brenda August 22, 2013 at 20:53

        LOL, I have relatives like that, too!

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 23:36

        :lol: (But I do think that she’s fully in the right. ;) )

  5. 16 FictionFan August 22, 2013 at 14:24

    I’m with Merlin on this one – the memory of Ruber’s chicken’n’beans still figures in my nightmares.

    However… I think he should be allowed to open his restaurant, so long as Mr Ratheryucketh and his entourage are made to eat there…

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 14:57

      :lol: Well, at least the chicken’n’beans wasn’t this professor’s fault!

      Mr. R’s new name is fantastic. :lol: Now, you’ll have to eat there too; it’ll be an experience to remember. I plan on trying it myself.

      • 18 FictionFan August 22, 2013 at 16:10

        Hmm…is the Professor trying to bump FF off? Great plot for a crime novel – Murder by Chicken…

        But an even worse thought has just occurred…is the Professor trying to set FF up with Mr Ratherslimy??? :shock:

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 17:02

        Wouldn’t dream of that! Yes, it is, and you should write it.

        :lol: The professor might have to fear for his life if he tried that. FF–and Tuppence–can be very vicious, I think. ;)But, in all fairness, you were the one who wanted to meet the Darby of the PL…

      • 20 FictionFan August 22, 2013 at 20:03

        Och, I could write it as Book 1 in the new Sergeant McProfessor series…

        …although if the Professor compares Mr Ratheryucketh to Darby one more time, he may end up as the McVictim instead…

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 23:33

        Yes, yes! It would be glorious…and fascinating?

        You’re right, it’s not a fair comparison. I’ve never seen Mr. R in sandals…

  6. 22 The Dancing Rider August 22, 2013 at 14:21

    The automated reply is fantastic. Yes, it’s Ruber’s right. I’d ignore DS – completely. As for “Esq.”, many lawyers think it makes them seem more important, too. ;-)

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 14:54

      :lol: I like that about lawyers!

      I completely agree with you sentiments on the matter. But you wouldn’t eat at Ruber’s ‘food shack’, would you?

      • 24 The Dancing Rider August 22, 2013 at 20:25

        Let’s say defnitely not if I were DS. And I shouldn’t, for myself. Who knows what vile dishes might be produced there? Still, Ruber has every right to open his “diner”….

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 23:34

        Absolutely. True, it could be dangerous to dine there–dangerous for one’s health, that is. He may have every right, but it will probably not work too well–even if Salami forces people to eat there.

  7. 26 Jackie August 22, 2013 at 13:56

    How interesting! It’ll be interesting to see how this one unfolds. :-D

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 14:53

      Thank you! The professor is almost sure what will happen, though. Merlin will probably forget all about it by the time Magi wakes!

  8. 28 Simplyskeptical August 22, 2013 at 12:22

    It’s like calling 911 because McDonald’s is out of chicken McNuggets…:-)

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 14:52

      :lol: Something to that extent! Merlin’s crazy, definitely.

  9. 30 technophile9 August 22, 2013 at 11:59

    I wonder why Merlin is so alarmed. ;) Curiouser and curiouser…

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 14:51

      I think, personally, that Merlin worries just about everything. Mr. Magi has complained in the past to me that he creates problems for himself where non exist!

      Who’s curious? :)

      • 32 technophile9 August 22, 2013 at 16:05

        Why myself of course. That, and possibly the Cheshire Cat. ;)

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2013 at 16:57

        I see. The professor is always curious about that dadblame cat…


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