Blatherings…Memories

Back when the professor was a youth—very nimble and flexible, and not wobbly at the knees—he had an experience which affected him greatly. (And still does, oddly enough.)

I had—very kindly, I might add—put away my knife throwing, tree climbing, and worm hunting—to help an incapacitated, older friend move. It was summer, I believe. We’ll call my friend Mr. Grace, which is quite ironic, as you’ll see in a moment.

The professor arrived at Mr. Grace’s abode rather early all ready to help move. Of course, I had no idea what was about to happen that hot—dreadfully hot—summer’s day.

Mr. Grace opened the door forthwith and smiled broadly.

“All ready?” he asked as he ushered me into his house.

“I was built to be ready,” I replied somewhat proudly. But I was just being playful. I should have saved the energy.

Mr. Grace laughed (and I understand why now). “Good, then. Follow me and I’ll show you what has to be done.”

Mr. Grace led the professor through a house that had boxes, trinkets, papers, and a whole assortment of messes strewn quite randomly about. He paused briefly in the kitchen, took out bug spray, and sprayed his clothes.

“Want some?” he asked.

I think I raised one eyebrow. “No, no, that’s fine.”

Mr. Grace shrugged. “Your choice.”

That should have been a forewarning of what was about to come, but the professor, in his supreme ignorance, ignored it splendidly. Looking back, I should have used the spray, but it is doubtful if it would have taken care of the true bug: Mr. Grace.

Mr. Grace led the professor out the back door and outside.

“I thought I was going to help you move?” I asked, confused.

“Yes. This.”

Mr. Grace pointed towards the largest stack of firewood that this professor has ever laid eyes on. It looked as if it had been sitting there for the last century or so.

I gulped. “That?”

“That. You can use this wheelbarrow to load it into the u-haul out front. Okay? I’ll be waiting inside till you’re done. Then we’ll drive it to the new house. Okay?”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

Then the professor got down to work.

I can’t begin to describe the pain and anguish. Hour after hour after hour after hour drifted by as this professor moved load after load after load after load of wood onto the u-haul.

Mr. Grace seemed a bit impatient as he called down from the window above every few minutes to ask me if everything was going well. But the professor was moving as fast as he could.

Finally, it was done, and Mr. Grace and I set off towards the new house. The u-haul was completely full—actually over the weight limit. When we arrived at the new house, the professor made a startling discovery: There was no place to put the wood! Imagine the shock!

“So…where do I put the…wood?” I asked somewhat angrily, I suppose.

“Your choice.” Mr. Grace smiled a small smile that seemed to indicate, “Figure it out on your own.”

“Well…” I began.

“You can put it in the woods down that hill over there,” Mr. Grace said, pointing.

“But the woods need cleared first.”

“Yes, well, here’s a sickle. That’s why I offered you bug spray earlier. I’ll be sitting in the u-haul with the air conditioner on while you unload. It’s just so hot, and I can’t take the heat.”

Mr. Grace disappeared.

“Dadblameit!” I said. The professor was quite angry now. Nonetheless, I began to clear a space for the wood.

When that dreadful business was finished, I began to unload the u-haul. Since Mr. Grace was sitting in the front with the air conditioner on, the fumes from the tailpipe were practically hitting the professor in the face.

At one point, I became so annoyed that I went around to the front of the van to utter a complaint. Mr. Grace was sound asleep. The professor foolishly abandoned the mission.

Then I proceeded to load wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow, stumble across torn up ground, down a steep hill, and into the woods to stack the wood.

Hours passed. When the mission was finally complete, the professor was exhausted.

“Good, good,” Mr. Grace said. “You did good. But it did take you long. All day. Anyway, when I’m ready to move the wood out, when the house is finished, you can come back and help.”

I smiled. “The professor would be a dadblame fool to come back and endure more dadblamery!”

That is what I wished to say, but I believe I just wheezed in response.

Mr. Grace looked at his watch. “And just in time too. I need to get something to eat before I feel faint.”

And that was the end of it, right there. Mr. Grace asked the professor to dinner, but I declined—respectfully.

I’m still in doubt why Mr. Grace needed the bug spray.

It was days later that I discovered the poison ivy. Far too late for a lawsuit.

Dear Punchy Family, any past experience(s) that are just plumb awful?

As the professor was toiling away, he was dreaming of this:

Sunrise over the ocean

 

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82 Responses to “Blatherings…Memories”


  1. 1 krugthethinker August 31, 2013 at 19:25

    This story is so awful that I sincerely hope it is not true! But I know the professor to be a man of his word. How terrible!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2013 at 18:08

      It is true! :(

  2. 3 Ms. Vee August 30, 2013 at 14:53

    This is a great story Professor. I’m glad to say I don’t have anything near this to share. I have a “I am NOT doing that!” list, and it is rather longgggg. :)

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 18:53

      The professor would love to see that list! Sounds really interesting. It was a depressing story, don’t you think? ;)

      • 5 Ms. Vee August 30, 2013 at 19:12

        No, I actually thought it was humorous. :)

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 19:50

        I suppose the professor does too! :) (Looking back, that is.)

      • 7 Ms. Vee August 30, 2013 at 20:06

        LOL :) I will revisit your site soon.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 21:29

        Look forward to seeing you!

      • 9 Ms. Vee August 30, 2013 at 21:36

        Keep your eye out for me. Ha…

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 21:38

        I shall! (Hope that’s not a warning…)

      • 11 Ms. Vee August 30, 2013 at 21:38

        No, it is a promise. :)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 23:02

        :D

      • 13 Ms. Vee August 30, 2013 at 23:36

        :)

  3. 14 L. Marie August 29, 2013 at 23:22

    I had a tooth pulled, which was a cakewalk in comparison to your experience.

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 01:01

      It was a dreadful experience. A real dadblame bear! (But, having a tooth pulled makes the professor shudder. Was it dreadful, too?)

  4. 16 Elina August 29, 2013 at 17:54

    Sounds like an awful experience. I’m surprised the Professor still calls Mr. Grace a friend.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2013 at 18:33

      You’re right! I shouldn’t! :)

  5. 18 Simply skeptical August 29, 2013 at 14:53

    You’re all kindness. Just as you have the inside track on the Punchy Land and folk; so you partake in this side too! Word about you is a float in big ways…. :-)

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2013 at 15:07

      The professor is humbled! *bow*

  6. 20 Brenda August 29, 2013 at 03:28

    Professor, I am back again for a quick gifting. I would like to share the love, please come visit and collect a well-deserved prize:
    http://friendlyfairytales.com/2013/08/28/my-cup-runneth-over/

    • 21 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2013 at 14:46

      Many thanks! I’ll take a look!

      • 22 Brenda August 29, 2013 at 15:00

        :-)

  7. 23 The Hook August 28, 2013 at 23:31

    Thank God for dreams, right, Professor?

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:51

      I wouldn’t have survived without it!

  8. 25 ladycheetah7 August 28, 2013 at 22:53

    I have one. In my ever so green and absolutely dumb just plain stupid days I had a so called friend who was starting a business. With promised of a future VP position and being enamored with revenge to prove to the naysayers it was my time to sparkle I quit my job to start the new one. Well when I showed up for work at her house all that was real was the business plan I helped her write. There was NO job. Spoon fed lies and I was way too dumb and failed to do my homework. Not to mention the half a million she got out of a settlement dwindled down to nothing. At least I got $200 bucks. So I splurged on a newpair of glasses. Lesson totally learned.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:51

      That’s horrible! But at least you did learn your lesson, Lady. My! I think somebody definitely needed beat over the head with their shinbone!

      • 27 ladycheetah7 August 29, 2013 at 00:18

        Good thing for her she had children to take care of….

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2013 at 00:20

        Or…Lady would have… ;)

  9. 29 The Dancing Rider August 28, 2013 at 22:15

    Yes, I’ve been there, too. :( For me, it’s dreaming of the tropical island…..

    I worried when you couldn’t come up with anything worse! That means it was really bad!

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:49

      Ooo, a tropical island can’t be beat…

      It was a dadblame nightmare, that’s what it was! (But I suppose–if I think really, really hard–I could come up with something worse. ;)

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:49

      (Thanks for caring about the old professor!)

  10. 32 desertdweller29 August 28, 2013 at 20:10

    You’re not afraid to refer to yourself in the third person, Professor…. I like that.

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:42

      No, I suppose not. This professor does it all the time. Is it too…different?

      • 34 desertdweller29 August 29, 2013 at 21:13

        I think being a professor, you can get away with it. ;)

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2013 at 01:03

        And I think you’re right! It’s the professorish way!

  11. 36 Jackie August 28, 2013 at 19:34

    That does sound awful! It reminds me of the time I was asked to help pull weeds at a neighbor’s house. The guy was older and a bit frail so I was happy to help. He made it seem like it was going to be both of us but that was not the case. I ended up pulling weeds on a giant hillside in the middle of the summer while all the while my neighbor sat in the shade sipping an icy cold beverage. Every few minutes he would smile at me and wave and ask how it was going. UGH – what a horrible experience.

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:41

      :lol: On a hillside in the summer pulling weeds, while he’s in the shade sipping a cold beverage–sounds like horrible torture! Well, at least it’s a story for the rest of your life!

      • 38 Jackie August 28, 2013 at 23:47

        Indeed! Thankfully there are no more stories like that. :-D

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:53

        I know! It’s not worth having a story to tell later!

      • 40 Jackie August 29, 2013 at 00:11

        You’re right about that. Stories like these are best left as cautionary tales not to be repeated.

        Have a good one, Professor! :-D

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2013 at 00:19

        You too!

  12. 42 Sonya Solomonovich August 28, 2013 at 18:22

    Seems like your friends are constantly trying to vex you! First the impoliteness, and now this. But, as Oscar Wilde said, “A good friend will always stab you in the front.”

    • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:39

      Hmm, very good quote. I think the next time friends become vexing, I’ll just get my Swashbuckler to deal with them! ;)

      • 44 Sonya Solomonovich August 28, 2013 at 23:45

        :D

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:52

        ==]:-{)= (The professor face.)

  13. 46 honeydidyouseethat August 28, 2013 at 16:41

    Huck Finnish to me… You were suckered.

    • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 17:59

      :lol: You’ve got a point there. But since this professor loves Twain, I’m honored that it was Finnish!

  14. 48 Brenda August 28, 2013 at 16:13

    That’s almost as bad as your computer crashing, taking all its files down with it in flames.

    • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 17:57

      Goodness. That didn’t happen to you, did it? :shock:

      • 50 Brenda August 28, 2013 at 18:10

        See – shocked you are. Unfortunately, yes, years ago. Some of those files still cause a little ache, like I lost a piece of myself. Back up!!

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:38

        Goodness! Yes, the professor must back up from now on. I really feel for you. I can only imagine losing something…anything…

      • 52 Brenda August 28, 2013 at 23:49

        Backing up right now! :-)

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:51

        :D The professor will in a little bit too!

      • 54 Brenda August 29, 2013 at 00:47

        :-) I hope the Professor doesn’t move anymore wood anytime soon, too!

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2013 at 14:46

        :lol: Absolutely!

  15. 56 deanthefish August 28, 2013 at 15:25

    It sounds remarkably alike to an experience I once had… coincidence?

    Perhaps…

    • 57 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 17:57

      Maybe, Mr. Fish, but I don’t really see anyone moving wood in the water…

      • 58 deanthefish August 28, 2013 at 22:38

        Hmmm… good point professor!! It must have been a nightmare.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:49

        Yes, yes, definitely. ==]:-{_= (The professor face.)

  16. 60 howanxious August 28, 2013 at 15:03

    What a dreadful person is Mr. Grace! The professor must have kicked his butt after completing the task. :-D or may be even before starting it.

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 17:57

      I think I was too plumb tired. What would you have done?

  17. 62 Kaela Moore August 28, 2013 at 14:38

    Sounds miserable. :(

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 14:44

      It was horrid. :cry: And the whole time the professor was trying to think of worse things that he had gone through…without success.

  18. 64 Susan P August 28, 2013 at 14:07

    Dear. Me. Dadblameit indeed. The last school I taught in left me in that frame of mind. The requisites of the school director (who had never taught in a classroom) kept changing and I was expected to immediately change on a dime, Manothunder!!!! Thanks for reminding me of that! ;)

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 14:43

      Ooo, that would so vexing! But I’m sure that you handled it much better than the professor and stood up for yourself brilliantly. Manothunder, indeed! :)(I’m sorry for the bad memory… ;) )

      • 66 Susan P August 28, 2013 at 16:33

        Well, dear Professor, I behaved in a professional manner. I did not deem it worthy of a making a great big noisy fuss. I did sit down with aforementioned director about a year later and communicated my feelings in a genteel way. Director apologized profusely.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 17:58

        Well, that’s a good ending, I suppose. Always better to remain cool and calm! If the director apologized to me, this professor would have felt bad for complaining in the beginning. The professor is too nice sometimes, I think.

      • 68 Susan P August 28, 2013 at 20:28

        It was mostly a case of I like to put my verbal ducks in a row, so to speak, and then talk. It helps keep me out of trouble. Of course, nothing can really do that, but I like to try….

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:45

        And it’s always better to be honest.

  19. 70 MissTiffany August 28, 2013 at 13:21

    Oh my goodness…that sounds perfectly dreadful. It also brings back memories of similar jobs my mother has made us kids do over the years, or some of the jobs I had to do while working at a farmer’s market during high school. As the youngest and newest employees, my sister and I did some of the worst jobs around the farm…
    It sounds like a lesson learning job. Did you ever have to go back and help again?

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 14:42

      The professor is embarrassed to admit: Yes. Dadblameit!

      :lol: I always seem able to laugh at everyone else’s torture. Were the jobs absolutely terrifying?

  20. 72 xbox2121 August 28, 2013 at 12:58

    Some things in life have to be learned the hard way 😊

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 14:38

      Very true. What should this professor have done? Should he have practiced self-defense?

  21. 74 I Am Jasmine Kyle August 28, 2013 at 12:44

    Mr. Grace is like my mom TO MANY CHORES!

    • 75 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 14:37

      :lol: But Mr. Grace was trying to torture and kill the professor–I’m certain! Your mom wasn’t like that, was she? ;)

      • 76 I Am Jasmine Kyle August 28, 2013 at 17:24

        ummm well mentally kill me. She used to give me lists front and back full of chores. My brother had 5 on his list. So to me it was overwhelming and mean… so yes!

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 18:00

        :lol: Sounds very wicked indeed! The professor feels sorry for you!!

      • 78 I Am Jasmine Kyle August 28, 2013 at 18:23

        I feel sorry for the professor. We are one in the same as we share this emotion together…

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:39

        But we shall survive it all, shan’t we? And rise above victorious and professorish!

      • 80 I Am Jasmine Kyle August 28, 2013 at 23:46

        Yes we will RISE out of our oppression and transform to ULTIMATE BALLER STATUS!

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2013 at 23:52

        Now, that just made the professor’s day!

      • 82 I Am Jasmine Kyle August 28, 2013 at 17:25

        Well mentally kill me. She used to give me lists front and back full of chores. My brother had 5 on his list. So to me it was overwhelming and mean… so yes!


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