Punchy Proverbs, Shnodgrate, and Fats Henry

Punchy Proverbs of the Week:

(1) Nothing can cut deeper than the double-bladed sword of humor and supposed goodwill.

(2) The lips exist to cover the teeth, and the teeth exist to hold back the tongue. [Suggested by Symphonist Sepperl. His proverbs are always…interesting.]

This next proverb was inspired by Lady Cheetah, a Punchy Family member. (She has a great blog which you can check out here.)

(3) A slanderer is the lowliest of all human garbage; they are fit only to be discarded like trash, lest their poison spreads—they deserve to be slandered.

I don’t know about you, dear Punchy Family, but this proverb left the professor somewhat flabbergasted—gobsmacked. Doesn’t it seem to contradict itself? Favorites?

Something you should know about the professor:

He is quite radical.

I had the chance to speak briefly with V. Shnodgrate while I was visiting the PL. It was one of those conversations that you wish you never had. We were in a café at the time.

“Mr. Shnodgrate,” I said, “I was wondering if you could…well…”

Shnodgrate looked up suddenly. “Yes? What?”

“Well, could you possibly make your proverbs less ambiguous and more…agreeable?”

“Why?” Shnodgrate said curtly, returning to his tea. “Does one of the Punchy Family members not like my proverbs?”

“No, no,” I replied, stretching the truth.

Shnodgrate looked up suddenly. “Do you dislike my proverbs?”

Luckily, fate intervened and we were joined by Fats Henry.

“Whoa,” Henry boomed. “If it isn’t P. VJ and the poet man!”

Shnodgrate paled and looked away. Henry’s brash and brazen ways had an ill effect on Mr. Shnodgrate, I’m afraid, whose priggish tendencies made coexistence with the vulgar Henry quite impossible.

I nodded. “Hello, Mr. Henry. Anything new?”

Henry slumped into a chair next to me. “Yeah, you know, I’m sick and tired of playing in these Punchy movies and getting all the rotten parts!”

I shrugged. “Well…that was only in Robin Hood. And you were the Sheriff—a very important part, I might add.”

“Not how the script was written, it wasn’t.”

Of course, I failed to mention that I had a big hand in the writing of the script.

“And then,” Henry continued [Shnodgrate left abruptly ], “this stupid Les Miz series! I’ve got another rotten part!”

That’s when I stood. I didn’t want Henry to realize my involvement—deep involvement—in that script too.

“Good day, Mr. Henry.”

“Yeah, for you.”


56 Responses to “Punchy Proverbs, Shnodgrate, and Fats Henry”

  1. 1 krugthethinker September 5, 2013 at 16:04

    I like Sepperl’s! And I am very glad you escaped a terrible fate, for surely Fats Henry would not have taken kindly to the knowledge that you write the scripts…

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 5, 2013 at 17:12

      I’m sure he’ll be honored! (Sepperl comments around this site as deanthefish.) No, I don’t think he would have! Henry has a foul temper!

      • 3 deanthefish September 5, 2013 at 22:40

        :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

  2. 4 Angeline M September 3, 2013 at 00:29

    I like #2; reminds me of “over the lips and through the gums, watch out stomach here it comes” (suggested by AngelineM who is thinking of a glass of wine).

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 00:44

      :lol: Love that saying! Perhaps you’d like to suggest a proverb to Shnod in the future?

      • 6 Angeline M September 3, 2013 at 02:30

        I will ponder upon one :)

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 15:09

        Okay, then! :)

  3. 8 L. Marie September 2, 2013 at 23:42

    I like all three, so I couldn’t possibly choose.
    I do love S.Sepperl’s music.

    • 9 deanthefish September 3, 2013 at 00:14

      :D Thank you kindly!

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 00:31

      :D The professor is very thrilled that all proverbs were satisfactory!

  4. 11 Susan P September 2, 2013 at 21:33

    Deep. Very deep, Professor. Deep, and inscrutable. Lady Cheetah’s in particular.

    I think the Professor should find someone to invent a Shnodgrate alarm for when he visits the Punchy Lands. It might avert any embarrassing situations.

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 22:24

      :D I think you’re right. It always seems like Shnodgrate and I don’t hit it off too well. Is it his fault do you think? Now to find someone to make that alarm!

      • 13 Susan P September 2, 2013 at 23:09

        Or, you might send Schwarz to keep Snod company.:D

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 00:30

        Yes, that’s it! This professor would love to see how Shnod and Schwarz interact. Shnod will be so frustrated. Should I set it up?

      • 15 Susan P September 3, 2013 at 08:07

        Go for it!

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 15:10

        :lol: Next Monday, then! Oh boy…

      • 17 Susan P September 3, 2013 at 15:19

        This could be mind boggling, Professor.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 15:22

        I think it will be. :lol:

  5. 19 weggieboy September 2, 2013 at 17:21

    Yes, No. 3 does reach around and bite itself on the tail!

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 18:18

      It sure does! But there’s some truth in it nonetheless!

  6. 21 Jackie September 2, 2013 at 15:48

    My fav is #1!

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 18:14

      Mine too! And the professor, you know, has never actually done what that proverb said! ;)

      • 23 Jackie September 2, 2013 at 18:34

        Of course not! You wouldn’t do anything like that! :roll:

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 18:41

        I love that smiley! And the professor is honored that you find him so…good!

  7. 25 technophile9 September 2, 2013 at 13:21

    Definitely #1!

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:34

      I agree! Isn’t it great to use on certain persons? The only problem is it takes more intelligence to use than the professor has!

  8. 27 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 13:19

    2) At least Symphonist Sepperl is good at music…
    3) Very profound. In fact, so deep that I’m still falling and haven’t reached the bottom yet…

    So the winner is… 1! At last Shnodgrate (if ’twere he) gives us a proverb that makes sense! Which has left me pretty gobsmacked too, and my flabber has never been so gasted!

    I hope that wasn’t Ruber’s cafe you were taking tea in – else I fear you may be too unwell to attend Les Miz’s opening night…

    • 28 deanthefish September 2, 2013 at 14:53

      very VERY incensed that you did not like my proverb!!! :twisted:

      • 29 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 15:02

        What? YOU are Symphonist Sepperl? I’d have expected the music to have a more gurgly quality then…

    • 30 deanthefish September 2, 2013 at 15:31

      What did you expect. Do you think the Professor does everything around here?? He has friends in low places.

      Consider the irony, you are surprised to find out that deanthefish is the pseudonym of the pseudonym, S.Sepperl. :D

      I will expect many compliments regarding my music henceforth, for the insult I have suffered today.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:35

        By the way, Mr. Fish, you really are wretched.

      • 32 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 15:48

        Well, had I known the proverb had been written by a fish, I’d have been more impressed! I mean…a talking fish! I’d have thought the possibility of drowning would be enough to keep most fish quiet…

        I can’t understand people who use pseudonyms, can you?

        I shall be sure to critique the music more thoroughly in future…

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:36

      Hmmm, I don’t know. The professor did spare you from Shnodgrate. I kept a mum lip. But you’re being very wicked about the whole thing. This professor just might tell him. ;)

      But Ruber’s tea isn’t bad. I think I’ll have to do a post on Mr. Magi’s Sotsiz tea in the future…

      Can’t type with this dadblamed wire-sliced finger!

      • 34 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 15:54

        I appreciated you not grassing me up to the Shnoddy one, dear Chicky-S-S. And you wouldn’t be so mean as to let on, now would you? (Though it’s really not FEF’s fault if Shnoddy only manages to make sense one time in ten…)

        Glad you didn’t have the lemonade! Sotsiz tea? Intriguing…

        Poor Professor! Building fortifications? Rigging the fence for another electrocution attempt? Slicing cheese?

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 18:16

        Well, it’s not the professor’s fault either!

        The things you remember! This professor hadn’t even recalled that lemonade incident!

        See? Laughing the professor to scorn…makes me want to tell Shnoddy…

      • 36 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 19:28

        Hmm…are you sure?

        Well, considering the Professor tried to murder me with the lemonade, I’m unlikely to forget…

        No, no, I’m not laughing you to scorn. Indeed, I fully understand the need for fortifications and an electrified fence…gotta keep those dadblamed worms out somehow!

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 19:48

        Of course. Why do you ask?

        I don’t remember that.

        No, you’re laughing the professor to scorn.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:37

      As a side note, Mr. Fish is getting ready to write the ‘Water Theme’ for Les Miz…

      • 39 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 15:56

        See, now I’m baffled! Is Fishy really SS or is FF the victim of a mean and despicable wind-up…?

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 18:17

        I wonder if SS’s middle initial is E. It it was, then we’d have SES and FEF.

      • 41 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 19:23

        But what would the ‘E’ stand for in his case? Eccentric? Excitable? Exoplanetary?

        (Strange how the flippered one only appears at the same time as our treasured Professor…)

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 19:47

        The PL is quite a real world…it couldn’t be just the professor…

      • 43 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 21:00

        But if it’s a different world, it may not follow the same rules of physics as this one…perhaps the Professor is smashed into a thousand faceted shards of personality as he crosses the threshold…

        Ooh, I’ve frightened myself now – the thought that any part of my dear C-W-W could possibly be Mr R-Yucketh is unbearable! I take it all back!!

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 22:21

        I think I’m the connection between earth and the PL, or something like that. But now my head hurts. Must think about it later. :) *professor attempts a Salami laugh*

      • 45 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 23:46

        Hmm…doesn’t that make you…The Wardrobe?

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2013 at 00:32

        A piece of wood? Hmmm…very unkind. Very. Perhaps I am a bit like that old professor, Digory.

      • 47 deanthefish September 2, 2013 at 16:03

        Wait a moment… I shall have to change my password again before I reply… really this is quite vexing!!

    • 48 deanthefish September 2, 2013 at 16:06

      No no no, you’ve got it the wrong way around! The “fish” part comes after the Sepperl bit. I’m not a fish when I Sepperl, but when I’m a fish, I’m also Sepperl.

      Critique?….. hmmm……

      • 49 FictionFan September 2, 2013 at 16:53

        Don’t spoil my fun, Fishy! I’m enjoying the image of a fish playing the violin…or indeed the tuna…oops, sorry, I mean tuba! I hope you practice your scales regularly…

        Oh, yes…definitely critique… :twisted:

    • 50 deanthefish September 2, 2013 at 18:15


  9. 51 The Dancing Rider September 2, 2013 at 13:09

    Ha, ha script writer. Visited ladycheetah7 – loved it there, ty for recommendation. As for the proverbs – having been on the receiving end of #1 many a time (and often unsuspectingly), of course I have to choose #2. Which is what the people who used #1 should have done.

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:28

      Absolutely. I love how you connected the proverbs, and you’re completely right! But, if we’re completely honest, haven’t we both used #1 before? And it’s very fun too, I think. ;)

      • 53 The Dancing Rider September 2, 2013 at 20:47

        I admit to using #1 many a time. In fact, it got me thinking: what goes around, comes around. Eh? :)

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 22:20

        I think you’re absolutely right. It’s always fun using it, though. :)

  10. 55 ladycheetah7 September 2, 2013 at 12:56

    Thank you dearest Professor for the free marketing :-) All of these are good but I will have to say (and of course try not to be biased) ALL of them are my favorite but # 2 is the champion!

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2013 at 15:26

      No problem! Shnodgrate sends his thanks for the proverb idea. #2 is definitely an interest, but since I’m radical I don’t know if the professor is a good judge. :)

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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