The PL Times

The Official Punchy Lands’ Newspaper
Monday, September 9, 2013
Edition 1

Section A. Punchy Proverbs:

(1) Excessive laughter is the remedy for frustration, and the cause for irritation.

(2) An animal has no respect for man’s property.

(3) A cuss word helps to ease the anger.

Favorites, dear PLF?


Section B. Something you should know about the professor:

He’s the only one.


Section C. What the PL’ers have to say:

(1) If you do, then do. — Schwarz Tauptinker

(2) Ah, the truth is always hard to catch, but when it’s caught, it’s hard to lose. – Merlin

(3) I hate turtle-curs, but Ruber’s even worse. – Daddy Salami


Section D. Breaking News:

Mortimer Butterfield—the PL’s richest man—opened over five new factories this past week. The CIO (Cookies & Ice Cream Organization) is clearly booming. Experts estimate that Butterfield’s wealth will double this year.

King Arthur has issued a decree that fishing in the Cavootti pond—which is full of poisonous fish—is completely prohibited. A few fishermen were outraged; Daddy Salami principle among them.

Fats Henry was upbraided by Ms. Ross—faithful employee of the PLHO (Punchy Lands Health Organization)—for walking out of a CIO factory with a cartload of chocolate bars. Henry was immediately angered and knocked Ms. Ross out cold.


Section E. Featured Story: Sotsiz Tea
by J. Freedwoppen

“There’s nothing at all harmful about the tea,” Mr. Magi affirmed decidedly; “and I would know if there was.”

Sotsiz tea is brewed from the Sotsiz leaf, a tiny light blue, circular leaf that possesses red lines on the surface. The more lines, the better the taste. Once brewed, the burgundy tea has such a pleasant aroma and rich flavor that it’s extremely appealing—even to non-tea drinkers.

Others disagree with Mr. Magi, saying that the growing popularity of Sotsiz tea is quite harmful.

“That’s just it,” Ms. Ross said; “it’s not only a matter of PL’ers enjoying tea. Sotsiz tea is very harmful—for one’s health. Consider it alike to a drug that one could get addicted to.”

Of course, Mr. Magi disagrees strongly:

“Ms. Ross’s sentiments are an absurdity! There is nothing addictive about the tea. I would wager that Ms. Ross probably finds food addictive!”

In the end, the PLHO’s objections aren’t enough to elicit too much attention from loyal Sotsiz-drinking PL’ers.

In fact, the popularity of Sotsiz tea is on the rise in the PL.


Section F. Hearing from the PL Family

PL family, if you have any questions about the Punchy Lands, characters, or anything Punchy, feel free to comment below.

The Punchy Times principal reporter, J. Freedwoppen, would be more than glad to cover or investigate your query in the featured story.


Until next time, this is the PL Times!


79 Responses to “The PL Times”

  1. 1 Jennifer September 12, 2013 at 10:27

    A – 1. B – I’m assuming that’s a good thing. And C – 2.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 12, 2013 at 13:01

      Well, it could be bad thing too. The professor has yet to make up his mind.

  2. 3 krugthethinker September 11, 2013 at 05:45

    A PL newspaper is the greatest of necessities! I would like some Sotsiz tea now, please. The idea of food being addictive cracked me up too! Here is my question for Mr. Freedwoppen: which is more offensive: turtle-cur or porpoise?

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:47

      The professor will have to send you some! A great question–one that interests the professor too! Will ask!

  3. 5 I Am Jasmine Kyle September 10, 2013 at 13:38

    I’m feeling #2 my cat has LOTS HIS MIND!

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 14:58

      Oh dear! I’m almost scared to ask what he (or she) has done…?

      • 7 I Am Jasmine Kyle September 11, 2013 at 11:26

        The comment box is not large enough to fit it all in!

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:47

        I feel for you.

  4. 9 Angeline M September 10, 2013 at 05:28

    Section A, Punchy Proverb #1; some laughter can be very annoying if one isn’t in the mood for mirth. Section B, of course, how could it be otherwise?
    Section C, #3, I don’t care what anybody says except Daddy Salami (and of course, you, Professor. Section D, Cavooti Pond sounds interesting and to be explored a bit more since the decree has upset DS. Section E, Health Orgs are never taken very seriously anyway; a little nip of Sotsiz tea every now and again couldn’t hurt. Section F, I think an investigation should be launched into Ms. Ross’ credentials.
    A splendid newspaper, dear Professor.

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 14:57


      The professor is relieved! There is only one. :)

      Daddy Salami is so vicious, though!

      Yes, it would be most interesting to learn more about the pond, the professor concurs!

      :lol: Very true. The tea is very good. You must try some some day.

      I agree. The professor didn’t like Ms. Ross either.

      Many thanks!!!

  5. 11 L. Marie September 10, 2013 at 01:50

    I have to go with the first proverb and of course anything Daddy Salami said. And of course the Professor is the only one. I’m glad to know the latest news, including the popularity of Sotsiz Tea.:-)

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 14:54

      What about Mr. Ratherquite? Don’t you like him better than DS? ;)

  6. 13 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 00:14

    Well!! The Mr. Fish enjoyed this very much. The Punchy Times is a great idea.

    I, for one, would look forward to more information about one, Lucini Pavarini….

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:07

      Thank you, Mr. Fish! How is the water theme coming, hmm? ;)

      Yes, I know. More about Salami’s family this Thursday, hopefully.

      • 15 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 01:51

        I’m sorry, when I’m Mr. Fish I no not about the doings of Sepperl.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 14:55

        Hmm, I see…

  7. 17 Simply skeptical September 9, 2013 at 22:54

    Is there really such a place as PL? It more wonderful then “somewhere over the rainbow”. :-) Thank you for opening the window to this wonderful place.

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:05

      Oh yes, quite real, my dear! :) Thank you for coming along!

  8. 19 Anja September 9, 2013 at 21:32

    ahhhhh Finally home and had just enough time to enjoy the newspaper. Very enjoyable, especially since its my first edition I am reading. :) I adore your whole PL….I want to move there. Please?

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:04

      You are more than welcome! Proud to have you, actually. :D

  9. 21 Jackie September 9, 2013 at 20:51

    # 3 is the winner this week! With #1 coming in a close second. I need to contemplate #2 some more but the same could be said for humans and natural habitats. I absolutely love the The PL Times! Great idea and wonderfully entertaining. Thank you for that! :-D

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:03

      The professor loves #3 as well! But of course, we never use it, do we? ;) (#2 was a vicious proverb!)

      So glad you like the newspaper idea. The professor really wasn’t sure if it would be liked. :)

  10. 23 ladycheetah7 September 9, 2013 at 20:33

    Luv.luv.luv the newspaper idea. Coolio.As for the proverbs, hands down on #2. My coworker does it every chance he gets. Of course there is only ONE Professor…unless you have a twin. Daddy Salami should be on America’s Most Wanted list. How can anyone in PL get rid of his wife and nobody ask? That’s intriguing. =-O

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:01

      Many thanks! :D :D :lol: You always make me laugh so hard! Dadblame coworker!

      And no twins. I think I’ll have to make the reporter investigate, but, I warn you, it could get ugly!

  11. 25 sonya solomonovich September 9, 2013 at 18:28

    Mmm… I’d like to try some of that tea!

    The professor is the only one what?

    Perhaps this muckraking journalist could investigate the mystery of Daddy Salami’s real name? I’m still not convinced it’s really Daddy.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:18

      The professor will have to get you some one day! It is good.

      Well, the only professor. Isn’t that right? :)

      Still? But he said it was. I’ll put the question in, though.

  12. 27 Brenda September 9, 2013 at 17:18

    Man is the only animal that cares about property rather than territory. :-)

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:09

      A very good point! But I’m sure you know that Bob (the professor’s bobtail cat) cares very much about property. :)

      • 29 weggieboy September 9, 2013 at 20:30

        If I set a magazine or book down by my reading chair, it is only moments before Andy or Dougy (my two Persian cats) straddles it, and defends “his” magazine or book to the end of time or until I pick it up and take it away. A piece of paper gets a similar result.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 00:59

        :lol: That’s hilarious. They must consider everything that you own theirs!

      • 31 Brenda September 9, 2013 at 22:09

        Well, cats do care about catnip, too, but that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:05

        Do they? I should really try this…

      • 33 Brenda September 10, 2013 at 01:31

        My cat same used to get all strange, put his ears back and rub his fur all over the catnip, starting with his chin. Then he’d get drooly and out of focus, like he was seeing the stars, the moon and god all at the same time. Catnip was spiritual for him, best as I could tell.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:32

        :lol: It would have been great to catch that on tape!

      • 35 Brenda September 10, 2013 at 01:36

        I was too poor way back then for video. These days digital makes it so much easier. I miss my cat Sam and his moods. :-) Have a great night, Professor, a pleasure chatting with you. Warmly, Brenda

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:37

        You too!

  13. 37 Susan P September 9, 2013 at 14:37

    About Section B: Zooks! I thought that Tigger was the only one. I’m quite certain that I’ve heard that somewhere…

    Proverbs – I’m not sure about number 3. Sometimes it’s just the match that starts the conflagration.

    You could be right about laughter, though, especially if it’s Daddy Salami laughing.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 15:17

      But isn’t Tigger a bit like the professor? :)

      Ooo, very good point. But you see, the professor is so skilled in swearing that he destroys arguments as soon as he sets to. ;)

      :lol: His laugh is very vexing. I’m actually practicing it; it’s very hard to do!

      • 39 Susan P September 9, 2013 at 17:45

        Or the Professor is like Tigger. I seldom argue. I mean, really argue. It’s entirely way too fatiguing. For that, you would want Harry. He’s a world champ at it. :D

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:14

        :lol: I think the principal difference is that the professor hasn’t a tail. The professor’s just got to meet Harry!

      • 41 Susan P September 9, 2013 at 20:21

        Harry just poked his head in my office to find out why I was giggling. I told him you want to meet him so he said to tell you “Hi!”

        Harry is a lot of fun, and he doesn’t have a tail, either. :D

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 00:59

        And tell him the professor says, “Hi!” We will have to meet face to face one day and drink some Sotsiz tea!

        :lol: That makes me feel very good! :)

      • 43 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 18:25

        Definitely like Tigger! Only bouncier!

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:17

        And no tail. And not orange.

      • 45 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 23:01

        Probably just as well you have no tail, C-W-W. Wouldn’t want to make poor Bob jealous…

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:06

        Or you.

      • 47 Susan P September 9, 2013 at 20:43

        Not orange? :(

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:02

        :lol: Not in the least bit! Well, maybe I recant…it’s hard to tell at times…

  14. 49 MissTiffany September 9, 2013 at 14:18

    Proverb 3, I think. And I agree with FictionFan – perhaps Merlin should do some more of the proverbs in the future?

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 15:15

      But certainly you don’t swear, do you?!

      I do think that you and FF pile up on the professor constantly. Shnodgrate wouldn’t take that too well. And what would the professor do?

      • 51 MissTiffany September 9, 2013 at 15:20

        Of course not! I just think it might be benefit to some other people I’ve seen angry…hehe.

        Oh do we? I think we’re just kindred spirits, united in a common cause. Well maybe Shnodgrate would consider consulting Merlin from time to time.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:08

        Of course, of course. But the professor doesn’t believe it! ;)

        Now that is scary. And it makes the professor wonder about the common cause…

        I’ll ask V., but I bet he’ll refuse.

      • 53 MissTiffany September 10, 2013 at 12:43

        I’ll take the professor’s word on this. Perhaps it just makes people angrier…

        Hehehe….it is for us ladies to know and you to find out.

        Ah well. It’s worth a shot!

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 15:00

        Now I’m really curious, dadblameit!

      • 55 MissTiffany September 10, 2013 at 15:10


    • 56 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 17:41

      Is the Professor scared of that old fool Shnodgrate?? The man rarely makes sense…perhaps he drinks too much Sotsiz tea…

      You should count yourself fortunate to have family members with the shared exquisite tastes of Miss Tiffany and FF – we could be your two ladies! And how jealous would Mr Ratheryucketh be then?

      • 57 MissTiffany September 9, 2013 at 18:06

        Elegantly put! Two such fine ladies as us by the professor’s side would surely razzle Mr. Ratheryucketh.

      • 58 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 18:18

        Have you been reading the poor Prof’s tweets on reading P&P? Such fun! I’m so glad you persuaded him to read it… ;)

        (Of course, the real problem is he’s jealous of Darby! But we should probably pretend we don’t know that…)

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:12

        Maybe a bit intimidated. The professor always tries to be genuine, you know.

        Exquisite tastes? The only shared taste that this professor knows of is P&P, and that’s…dadblamery.

        I fear that the professor would be very much restricted if he agreed to that. I do hope you’re both not comparing yourselves to Mr. R’s ladies…

      • 60 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 22:58

        Oh, I thought we also shared a taste for the Punchy Lands and our dear Professor…but perhaps you’re right – perhaps that would be silly dadblamery…

        How many ladies does the Professor feel he needs then? I do hope the Professor isn’t comparing us to those creatures – that would be very brave, but also…very foolish…

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:06

        Maye Miss Tiffany does, but FEF wanted to kill the professor, remember…

        I don’t think I was comparing, I thought you were. Would you be the corpulent one, or the red-haired one? ;)

      • 62 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 12:56

        If my plan to marry the chocolate factory supremo succeeds, I hope to become the corpulent one. (Anyway if I said I was the redhead, that would imply Miss T is the other, and that would make FF nearly as rude as the Professor…)

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 15:01

        Oh no! I haven’t insulted you, have I, dear FEF?

      • 64 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 16:46

        No – were you trying to?

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:40

        It is never my intent, you know. But one never knows with FEF…

  15. 66 jenniesisler September 9, 2013 at 13:58

    Proverb #3 is the most relevant to my life:)

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 15:14

      There is just something true about it! But what, do you think?

      • 68 jenniesisler September 10, 2013 at 00:54

        I think it’s a darn good thing telepathy doesn’t exist because nobody wants to know what I’m really thinking half the time;) It makes me think of a discussion I had with my mother in law this weekend- I was trying to remain ladylike but the word “asshole” was the only one I could think of to describe someone, so she said to let it out. I didn’t have to be polite to family. So I did and I felt much better;)

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 01:09

        :lol: Just think: what would Salami do in such a circumstance? And then do it! Probably not good advice.

        I agree, though, and so did Mr. Twain, by the way. Swearing helps alleviate anger!

  16. 70 The Dancing Rider September 9, 2013 at 13:07

    Proverb one. And it’s true both ways, methinks. #3 was a close second…..

    Why was I not surprised when DS had been fishing in that god-awful pond?!

    Sotsiz tea sounds dangerous … but is it fun?

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 15:14

      Methinks you are correct! But, #3 is the professor’s favorite.

      Yes, not very surprising. I do believe that some of the fish are safe to eat. Ruber used that pond to catch fish for his restaurant.

      Very fun! Personally, the professor likes it. I completely agree with Mr. Magi.

  17. 72 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 12:57

    Definitely 3, dadblameit!

    Very true!

    #2 – perhaps you should get Merlin to do the proverbs in future?

    FF loves Mortimer Butterfield!

    Sounds good!

    Perhaps J Freedwoppen should investigate the mysterious disappearance of Mrs Salami…

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 15:12

      Nothing better than to smoke and swear.

      Shnodgrate wouldn’t like that very much.

      And you know, Mortimer probably would dance…

      The tea is good. Will have to share some with you someday.

      I’ll let him know, but DS might get very cranky about it.

      • 74 FictionFan September 9, 2013 at 17:46

        I bet Mr Twain says something like that in his (new) autobiography…

        Tough! :twisted:

        The man has oodles of money and chocolate factories – who cares if he dances?

        I’ll look forward to it – so long as it’s not in Ruber’s cafe…

        I like when DS gets cranky, though…

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:16

        FEF’s so wicked. Brutal. Mean. Jealous. And a young spalpeen!

        You deal with him then!

        You’re just like Lizio! Marrying for money…

        No, we’d meet somewhere else…

        Yes, but not when the professor’s there!

      • 76 Susan P September 9, 2013 at 17:46

        I vote for discovering the whereabouts of Mrs. Salami. It seems…sinister.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2013 at 20:16

        Yes, it does, and that’s what worries me! It could get very creepy, you know…

      • 78 Susan P September 9, 2013 at 20:22

        Creepy only if she laughs like Salami.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 00:59

        Ooo, that would be horrid! I do think the professor would be scared for nights and nights!

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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