A Meeting of Deservedness

Dear Punchy Family Member, Susan (whose great blog can be found here), and I were speaking about the possibilities of Schwarz Tauptinker meeting famed PL poet, V. Shnodgrate.

Luckily both Shnodgrate and Schwarz attended a ball that Prince Beef threw a fortnight ago. And they met at the ball.

And it was very interesting.

I must say, the ball was very uninteresting, at first. When the professor arrived, some type of strange dance was being performed by the majority of guests.

Prince Beef was standing off alone, close to a bookshelf. He was holding a poetry book by Shnodgrate in his hands, and appeared to be reading it diligently.

But I’m almost positive that he wasn’t.

“Good evening to you, Prince Beef,” I said, joining him.

Prince Beef looked up, abruptly shutting the book. “My man,” he said, “it is a good evening, but it could be better.”

I must’ve looked surprised. “Well, how so?”

The prince gazed over at the dancers. Then he closed his eyes and said, with an impervious wave of his hand, “I should be dancing.”

“Well then, go about it.”

“I would, only…”

“Only what?”

The prince suddenly looked at me and began to tap his foot in a disgusted manner, as if he was angered by my thickness.

“Do you not understand,” he said, “that if I danced I would embarrass all of the dancers on that very floor?”

“Now you know the reason why this professor doesn’t dance.”

The prince looked even more indignant. “Don’t be foolish—as is your wont. I meant that I’m so very good at dancing, that the others would look like foolish fools compared to me!”

I cleared my throat. “The professor would give anything to see it.”

“Why,” the prince said as he waved his hand, “why do you speak about yourself like you are not yourself?”

“Why do you pretend that you are a good dancer when your very presence here seems to indicate otherwise?”

I shouldn’t have said it, but I did.

Prince Beef’s eyes got big.

“You scheming swine,” he began, but luckily Schwarz came over; and he was in a good mood.

“Hey you funny people!” he said. “I’ve been drinking punch and having a grand old time looking for celery. But there is none, Chickit! Oh, no, no!”

The prince rubbed his ears vigorously. “Listen, my man,” he said to Schwarz; “listen about you. What do you hear?”

“Party noise?” I suggested.

“You weren’t asked!” the prince yelled angrily.

Schwarz smiled and it resembled a smug frown. “Well, I’m glad he did do, ‘cause I just don’t do. Chickit.”

“What?” the prince asked. “What are you saying?”

“Some dadblamery,” I offered.

“P. VJ,” the prince said, “when you speak and I don’t want you to, it tickles my ears. Desist from tickling my ears, as is your wont.”

Then he continued with his original thought. “What you hear, Schwarz, is the annoying tittle-tattle of people. If you want to tittle-tattle too, you may join them; otherwise, you must keep quiet.”

Then we were joined by V. Shnodgrate, and I seized the opportunity.

The prince looked pleased. “Mr. Poet,” he began. “I’m so glad—”

“Oh, by the way,” I interjected, “Schwarz this is V. Shnodgrate and V. Shnodgrate this is Schwarz.”

Schwarz looked quizzically at V. Shnodgrate for a second. “So you the man that makes no chickit sense?”

V. Shnodgrate abruptly turned around and left.

The prince was livid, I think.

“YOU…” he sputtered, looking straight at me.

“Maybe you should dance?” I suggested. “Schwarz, how about some more punch?”

And I left quickly.


68 Responses to “A Meeting of Deservedness”

  1. 1 L. Marie September 11, 2013 at 12:04

    Wow. You were pretty direct. I can’t help being fascinated by that.
    And I’ll give props to the person who mentioned surf and turf. Nice. Though I would never insult deanthefish whose music is so splendid.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:50

      Why fascinated? The professor is usually sweet, but sometimes…

      I’m sure Mr. Fish is thrilled! (That was the wicked FF.)

  2. 3 krugthethinker September 11, 2013 at 05:51

    An illuminated meeting! Perhaps I will also start telling people to desist from tickling my ears, as is their wont, like maybe the people who stand outside of stores and try to get you to sign things on clipboards. I was going to tell them that I don not approve of their mode of discourse, but I think the prince has a better retort!

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:49

      :lol: Definitely tell the professor when you use that retort! I’m way too cowardly to do it!

  3. 5 ladycheetah7 September 11, 2013 at 01:08

    I see you have an amazing gift of antagonizing th PL’ers. Hmmmmm. At first I thought it was just Daddy Salami but now it’s Prince Beef also. Speaking of which. Prince Beef is a pretty unusual name. Trying to get a visual on him…wonder if he wears steel toe boots…..with a name like that…lol

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:43

      :lol: I’ll be sure to describe him next time. Wouldn’t it be neat for Mr. R to meet the prince? Is the a gift a bad one, do you think? :)

      • 7 ladycheetah7 September 11, 2013 at 16:03

        That would be nice. Will he play in one of the skits? Would like to hear what he sounds like. As for your gift, depends upon the context. If it places your life in danger, well…might consider employing a bodyguard or you are more thsn welcome to come to my job and I can point you to Mr. Wannabe Ratherquite. :-P

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 16:21

        :lol: Seriously? You have a Mr. R? Fantastic! Maybe the professor should get a bodyguard.

        The prince? Well…hopefully, yes. Curious: what would you think if the next interview was with Mr. R?

  4. 9 Anja September 10, 2013 at 22:27

    I dare say I really enjoyed this. My first official diving into PL. The Professor was a feisty one but well within his rights. In my mind they were twerking….said but true. :(

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:34

      Well, and it was an anomaly. You see, usually the professor is quite sweet and docile. The dancing was actually elegant (think the horrid P&P; yucketh!)

      • 11 Anja September 11, 2013 at 00:57

        I think deep down you love P&P but I won’t poke around that too much. ;) (no worries..it is okay to like it. The dancing can be wonderful and take you back to more romantic days….see I put it here so no one can read but you. Power of parentheses).

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:42

        Oh…oh…dadblameit! The professor definitely does not! But what if the professor doesn’t like dancing or romantic days?

      • 13 Anja September 11, 2013 at 17:16

        You can say anything you wish but doesn’t make it true. I think my first assessment is correct. ;)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 23:20

        It is not, dadblameit! P&P is…is…is…non-professorish!

  5. 15 The Dancing Rider September 10, 2013 at 21:03

    I love Schwarz in this. Perfect in all ways. And, the professor of course, handled everything with the usuall quiet aplomb – with a touch of perhaps creating a bit of trouble. Someone should have horntwiggled that smug prince into a dance. Then the truth would be told!

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:13

      Oh, thank you very much! This professor had felt that he had gotten a bit out of hand. But isn’t trouble a good thing? Methinks so.

      I agree! Mr. R and the prince should dance!

      • 17 The Dancing Rider September 11, 2013 at 13:06

        Oh yes, especially Mr. R! Smirk!

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:51


  6. 19 Susan P September 10, 2013 at 20:40

    Thank you, Professor, for your kindness in mentioning my blog. ‘Twas over and above the call of duty given that you had to spend time in the dadblamery of a dance. And it was a great getaway line. I’ll have to remember it the next time I want to go home from somewhere. :D

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:14

      Don’t think of it! It was the professor’s pleasure! :) The dance was dadblamery, though.

      Yes, and I think I’ll have to memorize it. For the professor–in all likeliness–will forget it.

      • 21 Susan P September 11, 2013 at 16:09

        I understand about the forgettablity of such things.

        Oddly enough, Professor, I have been working on a blog post to introduce the Punchy Lands to my readers. And that’s all I’m going to say at this time. It won’t be any kind of dadblamerey though.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 16:23

        Susan, you are way too kind! And the professor is, of course, intrigued! (But the professor always likes dadblamery, because I figure Mr. Twain did too!)

  7. 23 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 16:39

    I think Schwarz is becoming my new hero! Does he dance? The Professor was very brave too, though – have you been taking lessons from Bob?

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:40

      Yes, he probably would. But the question is: would FEF want to dance with him?

      Well, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I do hope that I wasn’t wrong…was I?

      • 25 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 19:10

        Well, no-one else seems willing to dance with me… :cry:

        Quite right! It’s time someobody took these unruly Punchies in hand! Chicky-Woot-Woot for President, I say!!

      • 26 Susan P September 10, 2013 at 20:35

        I can send my cat to dance with you. He dances very well except when he sees a dadblame mouse.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:16

        :lol: Well–don’t make too much of this–if FEF doesn’t want to dance with dear Susan’s cat (which would be a lot of fun, I think) then the professor will agree to a dance with FEF. But only one dance mind you, FEF! (Won’t even be as kind as Darby and dance four.)

        Well, I’m sure you’d keep them in hand.

      • 28 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 22:57

        Wowawee!!! First dance with my favourite Professor – second dance with Susan’s lovely cat – third dance with my hero Schwarz! At last my dance card is filling up! :D

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 00:27

        And then Mr. R–if you’d like.

        Oh dear, the professor dancing…very worried. Very.

      • 30 FictionFan September 11, 2013 at 13:44

        Thank you, but no! Apart from that the fact that he’s a slimy buffoon, I’m sure he won’t be invited…

        Now all a lady wants from her dancing partner is that he should be charming, witty and suave – the Professor sounds like the ideal partner to me… ;)

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:51

        The professor is honored!

    • 32 sonya solomonovich September 10, 2013 at 18:37

      Yes, I quite enjoyed the way Shwarz cut Shnodgrate down to size. Shnodgrate reminds me of some poets I’ve known who take themselves way too seriously.

      • 33 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 19:25

        Shnodgrate really deserved it – the man spouts nonsense three times a week…at least! Somehow he often reminds me of Mark Twain, though…

      • 34 Susan P September 10, 2013 at 20:36

        Only three days? Dear me. It seems like more.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:17

        :lol: Very true! Now, what would the swashbuckler have done?

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:18

        Now, now, now, I think we’re all piling up on Shnody. Could you imagine his shock in reading these comments? The professor would be in big trouble, I assure you!

      • 37 sonya solomonovich September 11, 2013 at 02:56

        If I were Shnodgrate would probably retort: “Things that appear to be nonsense may actually the highest wisdom. Although that’s more Taoist than swashbuckling. But that’s probably over your head, Shwarzy. Come along, Prince Beef. I know how eager you are to discuss my latest verses.”

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:46

        Ah, a great reply! The professor might steal it!

      • 39 sonya solomonovich September 11, 2013 at 18:34

        I thought you’d like it, professor :)

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 23:20

        It was excellent! I love curt replies like that! :)

  8. 41 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 15:43

    Who is Prince Beef??

    • 42 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 16:36

      Hmm…if deanthefish met Prince Beef, would that count as surf’n’turf? Now where did I put that garlic?

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:39

        :lol: It would! :lol:

      • 44 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 18:05

        I suppose I am being mocked for the “fish” appended to my pseudonym though I cannot understand how one who uses a cat for an avatar has any license to reproach another in such a regard.

      • 45 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 18:09

        And as far as the surf’n’turf connection the answer is a resounding “no.” Only dead fish, LOBSTER, at that could constitute such a dish. Therefore I can be considered turf no more than FEF can be considered dachhase!!!!

      • 46 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 19:22

        Eeuw! I am severely punished for my rudeness by googling dachhase!

        You’re so traditional in your outlook – I see no reason why a live guppy (for I assume that is what you are?) couldn’t work so long as the sauce was correctly seasoned…

        Tuppence the cat loves fish, by the way. Yum!

      • 47 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 19:59

        Well… er… yes you shouldn’t insult a fish… we are very limited BTW.

        I’m glad you brought this up since this really must be determined… a guppy? Nooooo. I think stonefish is more like it!! :D

      • 48 FictionFan September 10, 2013 at 21:21

        Oh, poor Mr Fish! Really, I had no idea! How terrible for you – it must be such a relief that there are so few mirrors in the sea… :(

        But, on the bright side, neither Tuppence nor I want to eat you any more! :D

      • 49 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 21:56

        :( hmmmm… well now, don’t be so fatalistic. That was just an example. Fish aren’t always to be plated.

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:38

      Check out the PL page, dear Mr. Fish.

      • 51 deanthefish September 10, 2013 at 18:17

        Quite sorry (the sarcasm is overpowering, no?) but there is no mention of Prince Beef on that page!!

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:19

        https://thepunchylands.wordpress.com/the-narratives/ There you are, dear fishy.

  9. 53 Angeline M September 10, 2013 at 14:33

    My, you certainly were being forward during this interlude. Had you had some of that tea?

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 15:03

      :lol: Maybe… Don’t you think the prince deserved it, though?

      • 55 Angeline M September 10, 2013 at 15:21


      • 56 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:38


      • 57 Susan P September 10, 2013 at 20:37

        I agree with Angeline M.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 22:20

        :D Well the professor finally was a bit tough! Probably won’t happen again, though.

  10. 59 I Am Jasmine Kyle September 10, 2013 at 12:51

    You are so funny! We got to get you a puppet theater! OH NO maybe STOP MOTION!!!

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 15:02

      :D And professorish.

      A puppet theater is a splendid idea. What’s stop motion?

      • 61 I Am Jasmine Kyle September 11, 2013 at 11:27

        Stop motion animation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieN2vhslTTU

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2013 at 15:52

        Oh, that would be great! :cool:

  11. 63 MissTiffany September 10, 2013 at 12:47

    Professor, you have some nerve, talking to the Prince like that! But I loved your audacity. Quite hilarious.

    • 64 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 15:02

      But he got so dadblame frustrating! Isn’t that how you would have dealt with him?

      • 65 MissTiffany September 10, 2013 at 15:11

        Oh yes. I can be very sassy and sarcastic at times, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been able to resist doing it to the Prince. Of course, he might have reacted differently, hearing it from a woman.

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:38

        I bet he would have. See? I suppose this professor should take you and FF with him–for protection’s sake!

      • 67 MissTiffany September 10, 2013 at 17:44

        Haha, yes! The three of us would be the sass masters – the power trio at the party.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2013 at 17:48

        :lol: But of course, the professor would probably be the sweetest.

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Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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