The professor’s journeys throughout the PL

It always seems as if I end up at parties once in the Punchy Lands, dear PF. I suppose that’s because some of the most interesting interactions take place at parties.

On one particular trip, I ended up attending King Arthur’s birthday party. (It was unclear how old he was turning. I think he purposely kept it a secret.)

It was a sunny day, and the party was taking place outdoors—which was a good thing. For you see, King Arthur’s castle is dark, damp, and…smelly.

And that’s because England is stranded in a dark age. Very Punchyish indeed.

Anyway, one large pavilion was set up not too far from the castle. King Arthur was sitting next to Prince Beef, who had come all the way from America to attend the festivities.

“It’s always nice,” Arthur was saying in his nasally voice, “to sit back and watch all the guests interact with each other.”

“Um-hmm,” Prince Beef replied nonchalantly. He had his eyes closed, and appeared to be resting.

Arthur looked at him angrily. “Are you sleeping at my party?”

Prince Beef didn’t move. “My man,” he said quietly, “hush, for you are vexing me greatly. Your voice is piercing; it’s hard enough to take when I’m not trying to sleep.”

“But this is my birthday party!” Arthur objected. “You’re not allowed to sleep!”

“Desist, my man,” the prince replied in a firm voice. “Desist or bear the ill effects which most certainly must come.”

King Arthur turned angrily away, and that’s when he saw me. His countenance brightened slightly. Last time we met a duel was fought betwixt us, of which he was the champion.

And nothing is more highly esteemed in the Punchy Lands’ England as a winning score in dueling.

Arthur motioned for me and I joined him.

“Well, P. VJ,” he said, “nice to see you here. I’m never sure when you’re going to show up.”

“Me neither,” I said; “which is a pity. But I’m afeared that the professor can’t keep a schedule. So, is Ruber actually cooking for your party?”

I couldn’t help noticing a small tent not too far off with the words Ruber’s Catering on the side.

“Yup.” Arthur didn’t seem to want to talk about it.

“Really?” I asked. “You should have a food tester, I think.”

“Would you be quiet? Go about your way. I’m done conversing with you.”

Suddenly, another voice rang out, one that was quite close. “My dearest, sweetest, esteemed, honored, Prince Beef! What an honor to find you here—and in such good health!”

Mr. Ratherquite and his Ladies were here, and they were standing in front of the prince, who was still trying to sleep.

“You and your trouts weren’t invited!” Arthur yelled at Mr. Ratherquite and the Ladies. “Leave at once!”

Mr. Ratherquite looked indignantly at the king. “I will not leave until I have spoken with my dear prince.”

The Ladies nodded their approval.

Prince Beef’s eyes fluttered open.

Mr. Ratherquite bowed quite low.

“Oh,” the prince said, “it is you who has awoken me. Your yakking hath tickled my ears awake.”

“I am heartily sorry,” Mr. Ratherquite began. “But it was probably not me. No, it was this foul King Arthur who was screeching just a little big ago. Yes, it is he with whom your quarrel lies, not I. I would—”

The prince cut Mr. Ratherquite off with an impervious wave from his royal hand. “Desist annoying me—as is your wont. Instead, run along and play in the mud, where you and your followers belong.”

Mr. Ratherquite’s face grew redder than red, I believe. Then he quickly slipped off his silk glove and just as the prince shut his eyes to resume his nap, Mr. Ratherquite slapped him across the face with it.

The prince jumped to his feet. “Fool!” he shouted. “How dare you hit my cheek!”

Mr. Ratherquite drew his rapier. “I would not have been insulted had you insulted me alone. But you—I won’t even call you sir, since you are no gentleman—insulted two ladies who had absolutely nothing to do with our conversation. Now I challenge you to a duel. Draw your weapon of choice.”

The prince closed his eyes and turned away. He was trembling and his foot was violently tapping. I surmised that if his foot continued tapping in that manner, it wouldn’t be too long before there was a hole beneath it.

“What are you doing?” Arthur asked.

“Trembling in rage against this fool,” the prince replied. “I am violently tapping, which will, in the end, be better for him. For my rage is great.”

“I’ll take care of it for you,” Arthur said.

The king snapped his fingers, and, immediately, a few guards appeared.

“Escort Mr. Ratherquite and his trouts to the dungeon, where they will stay until I have time to waste on them.”

As Mr. Ratherquite and the crying ladies were being dragged away, Mr. Ratherquite repeatedly called out in a confident voice:

“This isn’t the end!”

Then he faded away and was gone.

“I just got a splendid idea!” King Arthur said happily, turning to me. “Mr. Ratherquite will play the part of food tester, which you so gracefully suggested.”

I believe I winced.

For I actually felt bad for Mr. Ratherquite.

 

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84 Responses to “The professor’s journeys throughout the PL”


  1. 1 krugthethinker October 2, 2013 at 16:10

    Poor Mr. R! However, his sacrifice resulted in much laughter on my part:) It was very wise of you to lose that little battle with the king!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 17:25

      Yes, I think so too. He’s not one to be crossed, you know.

  2. 3 weggieboy September 20, 2013 at 15:04

    I just finished reading a book on the Norman invasion of England in 1066. I’m pretty certain William the Conqueror his scribe note King Arthur greeted him on the beach with a jolly cup of mead, one of the few Englishmen who was so cordial. No mention was made of wenches.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 16:20

      :lol: Sounds like an interesting read.

  3. 5 L. Marie September 20, 2013 at 14:16

    I’m always happy when Mr. Ratherquite and his ladies (or trouts as they’re referred to here) show up! My goodness! Forced to be a food taster for Ruber’s cooking? A fate worse than . . . um . . . death.

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 14:39

      I think you (and the professor) are the only ones who like Mr. R and his Ladies! :lol: Now I really feel bad for Ruber!

  4. 7 The Dancing Rider September 20, 2013 at 13:23

    “Me neither,” I said; “which is a pity. But I’m afeared that the professor can’t keep a schedule. So, is Ruber actually cooking for your party?” Oh, how I got a kick out of the above!

    Poor Mr. R……I did feel sorry for him in this. Though I think he is not equipped to truly duel. However, usually I have a smidgeon of contempt for Mr. R, due to the poor ladies who seem tied to him for eternity.

    What was being served in that horrid food tent?! Those fish again?! Yes, a food tester definitely needed. The mention of “trouts” earlier re Mr. R and the ladies was ominous!

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 14:37

      :D Thank you!!!

      I agree. The professor does believe that a duel would end badly for him. Do you feel bad for the ladies or Mr R?

      Well, at parties, Ruber usually serves chicken teriyaki–but I’m not sure. It certainly was! You know, the professor didn’t mean to get Mr. R into trouble…

      • 9 The Dancing Rider September 20, 2013 at 14:38

        I do feel bad for Mr. R. I think he tries to be a gentleman … but doesn’t always succeed.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 14:41

        I think you’re right. His intentions are good.

  5. 11 Jackie September 20, 2013 at 11:44

    Wowawee! This post is Punchalicious! :twisted:

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 12:34

      A wonderful word! I think the professor will have to add it to something. Would you mind if it was used for the Punchy good?

      • 13 Jackie September 20, 2013 at 12:40

        I would not mind one bit! Go right ahead – it’s an honor. 8-)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 12:41

        Awesome! I’ll add it to the expressions!

      • 15 Jackie September 20, 2013 at 12:47

        Very cool! 8-)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 12:55

        :cool:

  6. 17 Anja September 20, 2013 at 01:05

    and it appears I am very late in reading today’s posts. :) Sorry….long day and phone went blah for awhile.
    But it was wonderful to come home to and read…..so much vexing desisting…oh my.

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 01:13

      No problem! Maybe time for some tea? And thank you!!

      • 19 Anja September 20, 2013 at 01:14

        mmmm tea would be perfect but I am too tired to make it. I need a butler…may I borrow yours?

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 01:18

        :lol: Mr. Pierpod? He’s in bed–the lazy fellow. He goes to bed early and rises early. Very vexing indeed!

      • 21 Anja September 20, 2013 at 01:19

        Ah well…guess tea will wait until the morning. I really need to hire someone to make my tea. Maybe a leprechaun or fairy.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 01:56

        :lol: Really? Maybe a Punchy…

      • 23 Anja September 20, 2013 at 01:58

        hmmmm Maybe…..good idea. And……I am currently working on your vexing dadblameit inspired story as we speak…..er…..type

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 01:59

        Nice! The professor is eagerly awaiting it! And, yes, I’m sure it will be great.

      • 25 Anja September 20, 2013 at 02:00

        Will try and finish it tonight….but only if my eyes stay OPEN. And thank you for the confidence…we will see :)

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 02:08

        Great!

      • 27 Anja September 20, 2013 at 02:29

        I think the sandman crept up on me before I was ready….the story will be continued tomorrow. It is actually longer than I first anticipated but oh my….words words words. Hint…I am listening to the Sugar Plum Fairy. :)

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 12:35

        The longer the better! From the Nutcracker?

  7. 29 sonya solomonovich September 19, 2013 at 20:11

    I’m curious as to the duel fought between the professor and king Arthur. Was it also a cherry duel?

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 22:17

      No…it wasn’t. I’ll never forget that dadblame day!

      • 31 sonya solomonovich September 20, 2013 at 00:22

        I would hate for this to embarrass the professor but I can’t help being curious! Will we hear more about that dadblame day in future Punchy Land posts?

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 00:55

        Well…do you want to hear more?

      • 33 sonya solomonovich September 20, 2013 at 04:38

        Definitely! I always want to hear more about duels.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 12:35

        Even when the professor loses? Okay, then. A scheduled post for next week!

  8. 35 ladycheetah7 September 19, 2013 at 18:35

    King Authur is the man and I must add I a exquisitely pleased in how he disposed of Mr. Ratherquite. Bravo. It is unfortunate that his trolls did not meet the same fate as in my not so humble opinion were guilty by association. Perhaps Mr. Ratherquite should insist they share his fate. Perhaps and this is a big perhaps that Ruber could grill some of that fish from the poisonous pond and call it forbidden pleasure. :-P and top it with creamy pond scum…just sayin….lol;-)

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 22:17

      :lol: Such abhorrence for Mr. R and the Ladies! But I definitely understand it. I suppose you wouldn’t ever want to meet them at a party?

      • 37 ladycheetah7 September 19, 2013 at 22:24

        Ugh! No. I have a natural aloof-ness that somehow attracts people I would not associate with and he would either think me quite the challenge or run the opposite direction.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 23:42

        Well, the professor would stick close to you, then, in that situation. :)

  9. 39 Brenda September 19, 2013 at 16:11

    I find myself ruminating upon river trout. Such an unpleasant thing to be compared to. I would much prefer to be a dolphin or a shark, were I in a story. :-)

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:51

      :lol: I agree. It was a cruel insult. But if you had to pick: shark or dolphin?

      • 41 Brenda September 19, 2013 at 18:08

        That depends on what else is in the water with me. ;-)

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 22:16

        True. The professor likes turtles the best, I think.

      • 43 Brenda September 19, 2013 at 22:43

        Turtles are very zen, as long as they are not biting your toes.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 23:42

        Very true!

  10. 45 Jazzy Couldren September 19, 2013 at 15:08

    Ratherquite is a macaroni. That makes Manly want to give him a bloody eagle.

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:48

      Oh my! Don’t get that brutal, MM…

  11. 47 Hazy September 19, 2013 at 14:34

    When Arthur said “P. VJ”, I suddenly had a hankering for a certain sandwich… :lol:

    Nice, a rapier! That’s very musketeery of Mr. Ratherquite. And I must say, I was a tad impressed that he stood up for the ladies. That’s rather gentlemanly of him.

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:44

      :lol: I never thought about that! :lol: Oh dear. Now the professor’s going to be synonymous with…

      Yes! He is a gentleman! But he rarely gets the credit. Do you like Mr. R?

      • 49 Hazy September 20, 2013 at 14:34

        :lol: Synonymous with… indeed. And I like it with strawberry j.

        I haven’t quite made up my mind yet about Mr. R, but I must say, my curiosity is piqued.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 14:45

        :lol: A strawberry P. VJ! Awesome!

        Don’t be influenced by the hate for him!

    • 51 Hazy September 22, 2013 at 10:03

      Blueberries go great with it too! :)

      Oh, I won’t! I’ll be keeping an eye out for him in the Punchy Lands.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2013 at 00:10

        Oh dear! :lol:

        Awesome!

  12. 53 xoxosanaz90210 September 19, 2013 at 14:21

    Who are the ladies? Mr Ratherquiet seems like a pimp!! :P And I find King Arthur an annoying old kid, always eager to please.

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:43

      The Ladies follow Mr. R everywhere he goes. The reasons are unclear. No, not at all! That would be horrid. ;) Well, Arthur does have another side–a wicked side. Don’t you think the professor handled the situation rather well?

      • 55 xoxosanaz90210 September 20, 2013 at 02:20

        I really do want to see his wicked side then! The professor didn’t do anything. I thought he would be all in for a duel. But his idea for food testing was genius.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 12:40

        Well, okay! Arthur can get pretty nasty. You’re right. I didn’t do much. No, duels can be scary. I’ll post next week about my duel with Arthur–if you’re interested. Yes, I didn’t mean to get Mr. R in trouble, though…

  13. 57 FictionFan September 19, 2013 at 12:52

    :lol: Poor Mr Rascalquite! :lol: Poor trout-ladies! :lol:

    Oh, how I hope Ruber is cooking fish…

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 13:42

      Rascalquite? :lol: Do you actually feel bad for them?

      No, you don’t. I thought that after that story you might just feel a tiny bit of pity…

      • 59 FictionFan September 19, 2013 at 13:48

        :lol: Feel sorry for the gatecrasher and his trouts?! (How I love that description of those giggling creatures!) Not one jot of pity! I’m so glad you put the idea of a food-taster into the King’s head, dear C-W-W.Tell Ruber to be sure to give them some lemonade too…

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 14:13

        I always feel bad for the Ladies because they’re stuck with Mr. R. Then, I begin to think that Mr. R isn’t that bad after all. It’s all very strange. But it wasn’t my intention to get Mr. R killed. Perhaps Ruber will surprise you someday with his cooking! :lol:

      • 61 FictionFan September 19, 2013 at 14:52

        But why are the trouts stuck with Mr R-Y? Have they lost the ability of independent thought? Have they never heard of feminism? Giggling trouts deserve no sympathy…

        It may not have been your intention (you’re so sweet!) but I can still hope.

        What, blindfold me and force-feed me, you mean? ‘Cos I doubt I’ll every eat anything he’s cooked voluntarily…

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:46

        Maybe they like him. I’m not really sure. Maybe they would be lost without their principle male figure? ;)

        :lol: How cruel. How…fiendish!

        Really? The professor wouldn’t force you. Maybe Ruber has a dish of cooked moths that you’d be interested in…

      • 63 FictionFan September 19, 2013 at 22:45

        I suppose that’s one description of Mr R-Y…but perhaps not one I would use…

        :twisted;

        Oh, I’m not scared of them once they’re dead. Though Ruber could probably make them scary…

      • 64 Susan P September 19, 2013 at 15:01

        I’m sure that whatever Ruber comes up with will be surprising.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:48

        Absolutely! Maybe too surprising…

      • 66 Susan P September 19, 2013 at 18:41

        Uh-huh.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 23:44

        Poor Ruber. I suppose DS was right.

  14. 68 MissTiffany September 19, 2013 at 12:41

    Poor Mr. Ratherquite. I would have thought Arthur would have jumped at the chance to see a duel. I wonder why he didn’t encourage it?

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 13:40

      I think Mr. R. is pretty much despised. But, I suppose, the question is: Would Mr. R have beaten the prince? If so, we can understand why Arthur did what he did.

      • 70 MissTiffany September 19, 2013 at 14:07

        Hmm. I think Mr. R would have beaten him. I guess you’re right. Perhaps Arthur is cleverer than I gave him credit for.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 14:13

        Now, Arthur probably would have beaten Mr. R. I don’t think Mr. R is skilled to any great extent. One look at his rotund figure and that’s easily ascertained.

      • 72 MissTiffany September 19, 2013 at 14:37

        Well of course Arthur would win. But I think Mr. R could take Prince Beef.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:44

        You don’t have a high opinion of the prince, do you?

      • 74 MissTiffany September 19, 2013 at 17:57

        Prince Beef? Not exactly.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 18:03

        Not exactly, but close!

  15. 76 Susan P September 19, 2013 at 12:29

    Gadzooks! I believe that the best thing one may do in visiting the PL is to take a lunch bucket and eat NOTHING that one has not personally packed into it. Trouts? Surely not the ones in Ruber’s pond…?

    • 77 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 13:40

      :lol: Surely there must be a good food shack somewhere in the PL, right? It has now become the professor’s duty to find one. Maybe that’s exactly what Arthur was thinking about!

      • 78 Susan P September 19, 2013 at 14:58

        As long as they don’t import McDonald’s or some other kind of greasy spoon PL should survive. I’d vote for something like a Long Horn.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 17:47

        Good choice! But don’t you think that Ruber’s Catering could have a complete makeover?

      • 80 Susan P September 19, 2013 at 18:42

        Oh, I’m sure his catering can have a complete makeover. But I wouldn’t put a positive adjective on it. :D

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke September 19, 2013 at 22:17

        You’re wary, and rightly so. I feel bad for Ruber.

      • 82 Susan P September 20, 2013 at 00:06

        Laughing.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke September 20, 2013 at 00:55

        :lol:


  1. 1 A Candle in the Darkest Age – Worlds of Arthur by Guy Halsall | SERENDIPITY Trackback on October 11, 2013 at 04:08

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