The PL Times
The Official Punchy Lands’ Newspaper
Monday, September 30, 2013
Section A. Punchy Proverbs:
(1) A soft whisper is louder than a booming voice.
(2) Youth is like a knife; antiquity is like a club. (This one is from our dear Symphonist Sepperl; aka, deanthefish.)
(3) If indifference is stupidity, then difference is brilliance.
The third one really boggles the professor’s mind—yet I like it. Favorites, dear PLF?
Section B. Two things you should know about the professor:
Fear for those who incur the professor’s wrath. (This really made me feel proud for some reason.)
The professor is always righter.
Section C. What the PL’ers have to say:
(1) A party is open to everyone; for who would be rude enough to throw you out once you’re in? ~ Mr. Ratherquite to his Ladies
(2) I hate the pains of running a financially ruined country—but not enough to give up my kingship. ~ King Arthur
(3) Bellicose pundits don’t regret conflict. To compete, one must reciprocate. ~ Mark Malone
Section D. Breaking News:
Mr. Magi is trying his hardest to start The Land’s Court, which would be responsible for keeping the peace and making collective decisions for the Punchy Lands. However, there has been some harsh opposition.
A supercomputer located on Fat Man Island, and supposedly capable of “monitoring” the Punchy Lands, has gone missing. The consequences could be disastrous if it ended up in the wrong hands.
Schwarz Tauptinker received a fortune from a formerly unknown uncle who just passed away.
“I bought a new car, and then…the money was just gone.” That is how Schwarz explained the disappearance of his money. Authorities are now investigating the matter. Mr. Magi used this as a reason why The Land’s Court would be a beneficial enterprise.
“But don’t worry,” Schwarz maintained. “I’m sure another uncle will die soon—even though I’d like to see an aunt die next. Must not have many of those.”
Section E. Featured Story: Ruber’s Catering
by J. Freedwoppen
Serving dishes from countries and kingdoms all over the Punchy Lands, Ruber’s Catering is quickly becoming a favorite destination for the hungry locals and travelers. Many professional chefs have been brought in by savvy business man, Mortimer Butterfield.
“It’s great,” Ruber said. “I just manage the place now. The chefs cook, and the people are happy.”
The PLHO (Punchy Lands Health Organization) has just declared Ruber’s Catering a safe place to eat. Supposedly, the restaurant is very attractive and inviting.
Everyone should visit. No exceptions.
Just remember not to wear sandals. Lately, a few poisonous snakes have been spotted slithering around on the fresh carpets.
“I don’t understand where they came from,” Ruber said. “But we’re doing everything in our power to get rid of ‘em all. That’s for sure, eh?”
When Ruber’s father, Daddy Salami, was asked about the snake situation, he merely shrugged.
“I don’t know. Maybe the cur Ruber’s upset somebody? Maybe…he’s gone against what somebody told him? Maybe…his daddy is cranky?”
Section F. Hearing from the PL Family
PL family, if you have any questions about the Punchy Lands, characters, or anything Punchy, feel free to comment below.
The Punchy Times principal reporter, J. Freedwoppen, would be more than glad to cover or investigate your query. (Make sure to clearly indicate your question for Mr. Freedwoppen.)
Last week, Lady Cheetah asked for some more information on Mr. Ratherquite and his Ladies.
Well, Lady Cheetah, interestingly enough, there isn’t too much info out there on Mr. R and his squad. Apparently, Mr. R studied medicine at a prestigious PL school, but unfortunately he didn’t finish his degree. Some assume he was “kicked out” of school. It is believed that he met up with the Ladies at a party and they’ve been together ever since.
Thanks for writing in,
~ J. Freedwoppen
Until next time, this is the PL Times!