Origins of the PL: Some Answers to many Vexing Questions

It’s always calm far below the rolling waves of the Atlantic Ocean in Mr. Magi’s…uhh…cave, I suppose.

The professor was sitting at a small table, and Mr. Magi was taking a tea kettle from his small stove.

He poured the warm liquid into two cups.

“Young man,” he said, “always use warm liquid—and warm liquid only—when having a cup of Sotsiz tea. If the water is boiling, it will destroy the leaf.

Mr. Magi produced two circular, blue leaves and placed one in each cup. Then he sat across from me.

“The answer to your question is very complicated, you must know,” he said, his brow furrowed seriously.

I nodded. “I thought it would be. But some of the PLF want answers.”

Mr. Magi looked up suddenly. “PLF?”

“Yes, the Punchy Lands’ Family.”

“Ah, I see. Well—”

“And before we get any further,” I interrupted, “Lesley, one of the family, sends greetings.”

Mr. Magi seemed quite pleased. “Well, tell Lesley that I send my greetings. Now, your question.”

“Yes, yes, why is the Punchy Lands the Punchy Lands? Technophile9, a PLF’er, had a few thoughts on the matter.

“Did the PL’ers historically punch the ground instead of having it ploughed? Or did the land itself “punch” them in the face with disaster. Or, did everyone drink punch?”

I expected Mr. Magi to smile a bit, but he didn’t. He took it very seriously—like he does with everything.

Mr. Magi shook his head. “No, no, none of those.”

“Well, where did the name come from, then? Lucini Pavarinni seemed to insinuate that the name was created by me.”

Mr. Magi smiled slightly. “We both know that’s not true—and so does Pavarinni. You see, when Pav came along he joined up with Salami—which was a bit shocking—and actually mellowed him, if you believe that. But, overall…”

Mr. Magi paused and leaned close. “Lucini Pavarinni is a rather wicked person.”

I nodded.

“Now back to your question…”

Then Mr. Magi told me the tale of the PL…


It all began with Jazzy Couldren—or Manly-Man, as he is more commonly referred to now.

He was a police chief or something like that in the beginning—which is surprising, I know. But I assure you, he’s gotten worse with time. Originally, I would have believed he was quite responsible.

Irregardless, the PL was more alike to earth in those days, and that’s because the Punchies were locked away.

Now there’s something you must understand about Punchies.

They can’t die—in a sense.

But when they get shot with a Punchy gun (that gun is a different story for another time) they turn into Punchy bottles—which is just a bottle filled with their color…juice, I suppose you could say.

Unless the bottles are emptied, the Punchies are trapped.

Well, back in those days—when Jazzy was still normal—he somehow came across the Punchy bottles. I think Fats Henry was involved, but that’s a different story for another time too.

And somehow I think, the bottles were poured out. Consequently, the Punchies reformed at the Punchy Cave. There you have it. The PL began to get more Punchyish again.

I think that Jazzy stole some sort of time machine—from Fat Man—I believe, and that’s how Daddy Salami and Ruber Salami came to the PL in the present.

They were from the PL past, but Jazzy brought them to the PL present, leaving the woman in the kitchen behind. Some claim that she’s Salami’s wife, did you know that?

But I don’t believe it for many different reasons.


“So does that help your curious nature?” Mr. Magi asked, smiling slightly.

“Yes, yes it does. But who put the Punchies in the bottles to begin with?”

“Young man,” Mr. Magi said as he looked forlornly into his empty cup and raised one eyebrow, “if you’re so interested, you should read The Annals of the Punchy Lands and the other educational Punchy books available.”

I nodded.

Mr. Magi cast another glance at his empty cup. Then he looked at my full one.

“Don’t like the tea?”

“Oh yes, yes,” I said, taking my first sip.

Of course I wasn’t going to tell him that ever since Manly-Man told me the tea was a drug, I had been uneasy.



94 Responses to “Origins of the PL: Some Answers to many Vexing Questions”

  1. 1 krugthethinker October 8, 2013 at 04:15

    I love this, as I love the suggested explanations of the name;) I would happily sit down to tea with Mr. Magi any day. And I was very interested in trying the tea too…until I received this latest piece of information! What is the effect of this drug, and does it affect both Punchies and non-Punchies the same? Perhaps Mr. Freedwoppen can conduct an investigation!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 8, 2013 at 13:10

      Well, there’s some debate on the matter. Jazzy Couldren (aka. Manly-Man) says the tea is a drug, but Mr. Magi states rather strongly that it’s not. SO…from my own experience, I’d say it’s quite safe to drink!

  2. 3 The Dancing Rider October 4, 2013 at 20:21

    Why did I find myself wondering what color the water would be for various PL dwellers?!

    Mr. Magi has a way of sort of answering things, but not really quite fully.

    I remember about DS and Ruber coming to PL present via the time machine. Temporal mechanics gets my head spinning.

    By the way, did you finish the tea?!

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 4, 2013 at 23:19

      Hmm…that is an interesting thought. Salami might have red.

      Really? This professor thought he was great with the details. I fear that you just want too many facts!

      Yes, and mine too.

      Well, mostly. I still feel funny about it, you know.

      • 5 The Dancing Rider October 4, 2013 at 23:51

        Ah, yes. You make an important distinction. FACTS! Details actually were pretty good. ;-)

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2013 at 00:14

        :lol: I’m really confused as to now the difference between facts and details.

      • 7 The Dancing Rider October 5, 2013 at 13:20

        HA ha, professor. That is a perfect way to be actually!

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2013 at 17:03

        :lol: Awesome, then!

  3. 9 Nancy Loderick October 3, 2013 at 17:32

    Hey professor,

    An earlier comment gave me an idea. So the professor can’t do a poem, what about singing a little song? Or a dance video?



    • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 18:27

      Dance? Never. The professor can’t dance. You see, he’s wobbly at the knees. Have you ever tried to dance when you were wobbly at the knees?

      • 11 Nancy Loderick October 3, 2013 at 19:18

        Hey Professor,

        Who knows – dancing may just make your knees stronger and you will have to find a different excuse not to dance. :)


      • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 23:34

        Perhaps. But I don’t know. What if the joints break?

      • 13 Nancy Loderick October 4, 2013 at 17:09

        Hey Professor,

        Now that wouldn’t be a good thing. But you never know until you try, right? Or, you could try doing low impact. (See, there’s always a work-around.)


      • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 4, 2013 at 23:13

        I suppose. But trying could be dangerous, you see.

  4. 15 ladycheetah7 October 3, 2013 at 01:09

    Ya know, I thought the PL was a cross between the Smurfs and the Simpsons.The punchy bottles make for an interesting twist. Since they can’t die are they eternally trapped to deal with each other or can they just leave and never come back?

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:38

      :lol: That’s quite interesting! Well, the Punchies can’t really go anywhere to escape. I imagine the other Punchies would chase them down. But you wouldn’t want to run away, would you?

      • 17 ladycheetah7 October 3, 2013 at 01:47

        As long as my life isn’t threatened I’m good to stay.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 02:03

        Oh that won’t happen. Unless you’re very mean to Daddy Salami.

  5. 19 Anja October 3, 2013 at 00:38

    Oh I like….different feel and yet very insightful. Bravo…still waiting on a poem

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:34

      Many thanks! A poem?

      • 21 Anja October 3, 2013 at 01:36

        mhmmm you need to write a poem :)

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:38

        The professor can’t, I fear.

      • 23 Anja October 3, 2013 at 01:39

        The Professor can……no fears allowed. :) I have faith

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 02:01

        In a faithless professor.

      • 25 Anja October 3, 2013 at 02:02

        That’s why you have me around. Guess it’s more than just trying to keep your mind organized.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 02:03

        I am sorry about it…

      • 27 Anja October 3, 2013 at 02:07

        Ha no need to be

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 12:59


  6. 29 Lesley October 2, 2013 at 22:44

    I’m very honored professor :) But oh great Mr. Magi, why so elusive? Well, maybe we’ll find out more some day. Maybe.

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:34

      Ooo, was he elusive?

      • 31 Lesley October 3, 2013 at 01:44

        He didn’t give a complete answer to your question, I think (don’t tell him).

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 02:01

        Hmm, I suppose you’re right. (I won’t, though he’ll probably not take offense to the telling of it.)

      • 33 Lesley October 3, 2013 at 02:37

        Awesome! :) Do let him know :)

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 13:00

        I shall try to remember.

  7. 35 Lesley October 2, 2013 at 22:38

    Well, I haven’t finished reading but :) :) :) :) :) :) Yaaaaay! Mr. Magi said hi! Thank you professor for passing my greetings!!!!

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:34

      No problem! Mr. Magi was quite pleased to be greeted!!!

  8. 37 Susan P October 2, 2013 at 19:35

    Oh, Professor, you did NOT write irregardless. Please tell me that one of the Punchys wrote that when you were not looking.

    You know, I’m not certain, but I think it is possible that the whole thing is more confusing and punchy than it was before you talked to Mr. Magi.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 20:57

      Oh dear. Is there something wrong with irregardless?

      :lol: Dadblameit! I’d hoped that it would have cleared the air. Now what should the professor do?

      • 39 Susan P October 2, 2013 at 21:02

        I should have a badge: Beware, grammar nazi at work. :D

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 21:05

        :lol: Shh! Dadblameit. Definitely once of the Punchies.

      • 41 Susan P October 2, 2013 at 21:11

        Oh that just dadblamery, that is. :D

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:28

        Total and complete dadblamery, you are right!

  9. 43 technophile9 October 2, 2013 at 16:40

    I’m honoured by the reference, very honoured. :) Also at the fact that you saved me any shame by erasing my spelling errors.

    But, as FF said above, Magi still evaded the question. Why were they called Punchies in the first place? I think he might have made an indirect reference, but I’m not sure: is he implying that they are called ‘Punchy’ because of their ability to turn into bottles of fruit squash (please excuse my insistent allusions to juice, I have no obsession I assure you)?

    • 44 Jazzy Couldren October 2, 2013 at 17:44

      They is called Punchies for several different reasons. You can done have your pick.
      1. Cause their Punchy.
      2. Cause they is rubbery and punch each other.
      3. Cause they’s just plain unmanly!

      • 45 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 20:39

        I’m sure you have a frightful aquarium.

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 17:59

      Absolutely! Questions are always welcome. :D (Spelling errors are vexing and deserve neither a mention nor repetition.)

      Don’t agree with FEF! She’s bad enough without allies!

      No, I don’t think that’s the reason. Did Jazzy’s explanation help below?

      • 47 technophile9 October 2, 2013 at 18:01

        Yes, a bit!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 18:03

        Awesome! Yes, I would assume (from being in the PL for some time and having numerous discussions with Mr. Magi) that Jazzy’s #2 is the rightest of the right.

        Sorry I couldn’t keep Mr. Magi on topic, but it’s hard, you know.

      • 49 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 18:51

        Oy! I heard that!!! Cheeky Chicky!

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 21:01


    • 51 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 19:27

      IMO, technophile9, Punchy is a reference to their craziness as in “punch drunk.” Manly Man is often wrong.

      • 52 Jazzy Couldren October 2, 2013 at 20:04

        Hey fishy, I’ll have you sleepin’ with the fish in the bottom of my aquarium if you calls me wrong one more time.

  10. 53 Jackie October 2, 2013 at 15:55

    For some reason Mr. Magi reminds me of Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid movies. So, did anything happen after your sip of tea and was the tea any good?

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 17:56

      :lol: Only he’s not Asian.

      No, nothing! It was very tasty, and if you’re a tea person you’d probably like it. I’m beginning to think the drug thing was all a hoax.

      • 55 Jackie October 2, 2013 at 19:56

        I wasn’t thinking of it that way. It’s more like a vibe then something specific.

        I think you might be correct about it being a hoax. Considering the source I’m not all that surprised.

      • 56 Jazzy Couldren October 2, 2013 at 20:05

        I’s gettin’ really angry today. Manly ain’t lyin’ to your, you know?

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 20:58

        I think you’ve got a point there, I really do.

        :lol: Absolutely! Just look at his profile pic!

  11. 58 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 15:28

    But…but…Mr Magi (who still reminds me of the Professor…) evaded the question. That may explain how they got out of their bottles, but not why they’re called Punchies. I think the Professor should read the Annals quickly and report back…

    Did the drugged tea make you feel better, C-W-W?

    • 59 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 16:11

      Because they’re crazy.

      • 60 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 17:29

        Aah! That explains it! Now why couldn’t Mr Magi just have said that?

        (Does MM1 know that you think he’s crazy?)

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 17:55

      Read that book? It’s huger than huge. I bet BigSister and FEF couldn’t read it in 5 years, even combining their reading speeds!

      You see, the professor thought the question was why is the PL the PL, not why are the Punchies the Punchies. Two separate questions, I think.

      The professor is not like Mr. Magi, dadblameit! What makes you think so?

      Well, the professor is feeling better! A combination of Jackie’s soup and your positive thoughts, I think.

      • 62 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 18:50

        Ask Mr Magi if it can be made available for Kindle…

        Paragraph 2 kind of answers Paragraph 3, I feel. Well, that, and the matching top hats…

        Very glad to hear it! :D

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 21:01

        I bet he’ll say no. He protects the manuscript, you know.

        The professor isn’t sure what you mean, but I’m sure it’s very wicked.


      • 64 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 22:05

        It’ll never be a best seller then. And on the question of whether we’d like to read it, I vote yes!

        Me? Wicked? You must be mistaking me for someone else… Susan, perhaps… ;)

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:30

        I think the professor will just have to write a book that passes his expectations.

        Oh yes, I fear Susan is quite wicked too. What is this sweet professor going to do with such a wicked family? :shock:

      • 66 FictionFan October 3, 2013 at 13:54

        I think so too…

        It’s the sweet Professor’s own fault – we’ve been corrupted by tales of these wicked PL’ers (except Schwarz, whose nearly as sweet as the Professor)

        And in answer to the other point raised, champagne for me please – though I see no reaason why champagne punch shouldn’t be possible. Just don’t let Ruber make it…

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 14:18

        Well it’s not my fault, dadblameit! Some are easily corruptible!

        Interesting. But I suspected as much. I think I’ll have a post about that next week.

      • 68 Susan P October 2, 2013 at 19:37

        You could, you know, divide it up among the PLF and have them condense each section and present it.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 21:01

        But the PLF wouldn’t want to read it, would they?

      • 70 Susan P October 2, 2013 at 21:10

        Chickit! You may be right.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:28

        But then again, they might…

    • 72 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 19:26

      FEF, I fear there is some confusion… when one speaks of the “Punchies” one is speaking of the 5 (or 6) individuals described as such under the “The Hut/Punchies” tab above. Not necessarily a Punchy Lander.

      Thus I am cannot be accused of committing an indiscretion.

      BTW, do you like Alan Parson’s music???


      • 73 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 20:07

        I see! That makes more sense…well, more Punchy sense anyway. Or else I’ve gone crazy too…

        And very smooth, the way you wriggled out of offending MM1 – he must be scarier than I thought! ;)

        How horrified would you be on a scale of 1 to 10 if I admitted to never having heard of Alan Parsons? I have however now youtubed and the results are…variable. Started out really well with Sirius, but has gone downhill a bit since then…

        (I keep telling the Prof I know next to nothing about music, but I don’t think he believes me…)

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 21:02

        (I don’t.)

      • 75 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 22:06

        (You should.)

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:31

        (But the pastoral was nice…)

    • 77 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 20:26

      Mildly surprised… (4?) In his best work, he corroborated with the Scottish ( :) ) songwriter, Eric Woolfson.

      Alan Parson’s project: Don’t Let the Moment Pass, Old and Wise, and The Cask of Amontillado are among my favorites.

      Really, I know nothing of the PLs except what I’ve been told. I’m an outsider.

      • 78 FictionFan October 2, 2013 at 22:03

        (FF tries to pretend she’s heard of Eric Woolfson…)

        OK – on the whole, I think the music is good but am not so keen on the lyrics and/or vocals. Don’t Let the Moment Pass – nice. Old and Wise would be nice if only it wasn’t sung by Colin Blunstone whose voice I have always disliked. The Cask of Amontillado I liked – and interestingly is named after Poe’s tale, which I am just about to read as part of the book Tales of Mystery and Imagination which is the name of the album – serendipity! (And see how I turned the conversation back to books there? Smooth, I thought…)

        So am I. Sad, isn’t it? :( But on the upside we don’t have to eat at Ruber’s!

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:29

        Very smooth, FEF. The professor’s impressed.

      • 80 Jazzy Couldren October 2, 2013 at 22:28

        I’s don’t gotta do it neither!

    • 81 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 22:26

      Oh goody goody, redeemed in part, it seems. It is some of my favorite pop music.

      The Cask is my personal favorite as well as Hop Frog and The Pit and the Pendulum.

      • 82 deanthefish October 2, 2013 at 22:26

        No, not sad. I for one prefer champagne to punch!

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 01:31

        Hmm…I think most PL’ers prefer punch. Perhaps we should have a vote some time.

      • 84 FictionFan October 3, 2013 at 14:46

        So I listened to the album ‘Tales of Mystery and Imagination’ and…yes, it’s pretty good overall, though I definitely prefer the music to the vocals. In fact, it does sound a little familiar – I suspect my brother may have owned it. It sounds like his kind of thing. However, it doesn’t capture the feel of the book at all – not nearly dark enough and doesn’t tie in with the tone of the stories. Hate The Tell-Tale Heart – a story that’s primarily about stillness and silence, not shrieking and yelling…

        What have we learned here? 1) Never ask FF a question unless you really want an answer and 2) Books are always better!

        (Hope you’re working hard on scary Hallwe’en music…)

    • 85 deanthefish October 3, 2013 at 15:38

      Well I’m glad to know it…. Yes I agree about the other songs on the CD… awful.

      • 86 deanthefish October 3, 2013 at 15:43

        And as an aside, you must understand being highly musical, I regard pop music as quite enjoyable and entertaining. But the real musical heavyweights are the classics… Beethoven, Debussy, Stravinsky, etc…

  12. 87 Hazy October 2, 2013 at 15:02

    Interesting, interesting. Mr. Magi was very helpful, indeed.

    Pavarinni, perhaps the wickedest rapscallion in PL?

    The Punchy gun sounds like a curious device! And the Punchy bottles somehow made me think of Snapples… :D

    PL past and PL present… is there a PL future? Sounds a bit Dickens-ish!

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2013 at 17:42

      Yes, I think so too.

      One of them, I would think. An instigator, perhaps. (I love when the PF uses Punchy argot! :D )

      :lol: I must agree with you there. You know, I think the gun was first used by Mortimer Butterfield–which makes sense since he always wants to be very powerful. Control the Punchies, control the PL.

      Is that a good thing? Definitely a future. The professor doesn’t travel in time, though. He always goes to the present. I’m not sure how Jazzy pulled it off.

      • 89 Hazy October 3, 2013 at 13:23

        Did Mr. Butterfield perhaps want one gun to rule them all? :D

        I think so. And I think a future is nice because it’s something to look forward to! Jazzy may have found a curious device to pull it off.

        I often get confused with time at the present, I’d probably be so absolutely time boggled if I time traveled! :lol:

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2013 at 14:17

        That’s it exactly, I believe! :)

        Or he stole a curious device, as the case may be.

        The professor would be too! :lol: I do believe Weatherly would have to help us.

      • 91 Hazy October 5, 2013 at 06:52

        Haha, you may be right.

        Yes, indeed. We can’t time travel without Weatherly! We probably wouldn’t last a week! :lol:

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2013 at 17:01

        :lol: Not even a day!

      • 93 Hazy October 6, 2013 at 10:42

        :lol: Sad, but most likely true.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2013 at 12:00


Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,869 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on

Blog Stats

  • 116,407 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: