PL History: King Arthur

For a Punchyish story today, the professor chose to post another portion from his writings. This is a brief history of Arthur, King of England.

Next week, the professor will be leaving for the PL, and Thursday will cover his travels and a bit of PL history.

***

King Uthburt and Queen Elaine of England had two fraternal twin boys—which turned into a troublesome predicament. You see, Uthburt had desired an heir more than anything in the land, and he got his wish—doubly.

Now that Uthburt had sons he no longer had to worry about his lost cousin, Drake, taking the throne once he passed on. The only problem that remained was which son should be named heir.

Of course, it seems like a very simple problem. After all, the one born first should be first in line for the throne.

But, surprisingly, Uthburt didn’t think about it that way at all. He decided (and very early on too) that the throne should be given to the son who showed the most promise. And since both boys were too young to prove themselves, it was decided that on their 20th birthday an heir would be named.

I should mention here that King Uthburt and Queen Elaine did have a daughter, who they named Morgan, years before they had their boys. As can be expected, she felt overlooked when the discussion was taking place for future candidates for the throne. But Uthburt was old-fashioned in his ideals, and he wanted a king to rule in his place, not a queen.

Soon after learning this, Morgan moved far away from her family and deep into The Chonèwood Forest, vowing never to return, forgive, or forget. As a side note, she has been a source of trouble and consternation ever since.

Anyway, though…back to the boys.

Uthburt and Elaine named one of their boys Arthur and the other one they named Richard, though he was—and is—known by his nickname: Lionheart.

The years passed and before long the boy’s 20th birthday was fast approaching. On the eve of the party, everything was going just fine. Decorations were being spread about, food was being prepared, and a general feeling of excitement was rampant in the air.

The peasants couldn’t wait to find out which young prince would be named heir.

Then, the day arrived.

Unfortunately, though, King Uthburt failed to tell anyone that he wasn’t feeling too well, and as he ascended the platform in full view of thousands upon thousands of loyal subjects, ready to name his heir, Uthburt did the unthinkable: He dropped dead.

Queen Elaine immediately rushed to her fallen husband and dropped dead next to him. Some say that she wanted to die while others say that it was a pure accident (how that’s possible, I’m not exactly sure).

Mr. Magi, I think, holds to the belief that the queen had a weak heart and that the she couldn’t bear the thought of going forward without her king. That’s where I put my stock.

Nonetheless, the king was dead. And he died without naming an heir. Excitement was no longer rampant, and panic soon set in.

Of course, Arthur and Lionheart were dumbstruck. The king had just plumb died for no apparent reason, leaving them with the sole responsibility of deciding who should become the next king.

One might think that the peasants would have had a say in the matter, but they didn’t. And had the queen survived, things would have been much different.

Not surprisingly, it turned out that both Arthur and Lionheart wanted to be the next king. So, a mini civil war broke out. I say ‘mini’ because it didn’t last long. Within two weeks Lionheart was on the run. Within three, he was defeated. And within four, he was just like his elder sister, Morgan: shamed and vowing never to return, forgive, or forget.

Only Lionheart didn’t go into exile with only his servants like Morgan did. He left with his conquered army, and they settled far away in the Polluted Mountains.

As soon as Lionheart had disappeared into the mists of The Polluted Mountains, Arthur ascended the throne.

The rest is history.

Interestingly enough, Mr. Magi is rather sure—as are some other Punchy Landers—that Lionheart is the eldest by a few minutes.

Ironic, isn’t it?

 

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112 Responses to “PL History: King Arthur”


  1. 1 krugthethinker October 16, 2013 at 04:06

    Ironic indeed! I am also rooting for Lionheart!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2013 at 12:36

      Over Arthur? How could you? ;)

  2. 3 sonya solomonovich October 11, 2013 at 02:27

    What an interesting – and punchyish – tale! I’m rooting for Lionheart.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:21

      Thanks! Yes, Lionheart is a bit of a barbarian, though.

  3. 5 ladycheetah7 October 11, 2013 at 00:12

    Too bad the king didn’t go to Daveramsey.com to get a living will or talk to one of his endorsed local providers to discuss wealth building and leaving a legacy for his family. I must say I find it quite odd his wife joined him in death. Had it been me I would have quickly rushed to the throne. ..lol
    :-P

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:49

      :lol: I’m sure you would have! Any sensible being would have! The professor would have! (Ha, I might have knocked him off before then!)

      • 7 ladycheetah7 October 11, 2013 at 00:55

        Lol. Somehow I can imagine you doing that and making it look like somebody else did it…lol

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:56

        The professor would need your help, but we could do it. And then we’d split the domain and execute the unworthy ones!

      • 9 ladycheetah7 October 11, 2013 at 01:15

        Agreed!

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:21

        :cool:

  4. 11 Angeline M October 10, 2013 at 23:49

    Happy travels in your cauliflower engine thingy.

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:44

      Odd name, isn’t it?

  5. 13 Lesley October 10, 2013 at 23:39

    Interesting. I would have loved to get some more detail on the little civil war. Anyway, safe travels Professor! Let me know if you come across any interesting insects :)

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:44

      There isn’t much to tell, though. It was a quick war. The professor would imagine quite boring and devoid of any heroics. Thank you! And I will…hope I find some that are edible!

      • 15 Lesley October 11, 2013 at 00:50

        Okay I understand. If you find edible ones, do share!

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:54

        I shall! But you might have to convince me to try them!

      • 17 Lesley October 11, 2013 at 00:55

        Alright, that won’t be a problem ;)

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:56

        But it might be a bit of one convincing the professor to try one..

      • 19 Lesley October 11, 2013 at 01:03

        But I have other means hahahe!

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:20

        Ooo, what is it?

      • 21 Lesley October 11, 2013 at 19:27

        I will come up with something hehe

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:38

        I hope it’s not scary!

      • 23 Lesley October 11, 2013 at 19:39

        Nope. Just a few screams here and there, not too bad.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:41

        Okay, then, I think I can take it! :lol:

      • 25 Lesley October 11, 2013 at 19:42

        :lol: Professor!!

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 20:24

        :D

  6. 27 Jackie October 10, 2013 at 22:33

    Safe travels, Professor! 8-)

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 22:52

      Many thanks, dear!

      • 29 Jackie October 10, 2013 at 23:03

        Oh one other thing – I apologize for being more quite then usual. I’ve been feeling under the weather and not really up for commenting. I go through times like this on a pretty regular basis so please do not think it has anything to do with you. It’s just my dadblam health issues plaguing me! Humbug! Anyway, just wanted you to know so there was no misunderstandings. :-D

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:43

        No problem! Hope all’s well and that you feel better–quickly! The professor is fine with whatever you decide is best for you to do at the time.

      • 31 Jackie October 11, 2013 at 00:52

        Thank you for understanding. Goodnight, Professor! :-)

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:54

        Goodnight, Jackie!

  7. 33 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 10, 2013 at 20:51

    It’s official, I have Morgan’s back on this one. Poor Girl… I hope she found a wonderful tree in the forest for the best tree house ever. It’s a Manothunder of events, I’d say. Rejected under no fault of her own…

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 21:06

      I suppose the professor does sympathize with Morgan a bit. She actually has a huge, creepy castle–full of webs and many other nasty things. (I love when you use Punchy argot!) It’s true, but you probably wouldn’t want to visit her castle…

      • 35 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 10, 2013 at 21:51

        (Happy to please.) :)

        When I read of her running to the forest for refuge, I went straight to Mr. R Hood and his forest, and hadn’t considered that she may have an awful castle of her own…webs…nasty things…my bubble just had a bit of a burst. I suppose my mind goes to sympathy and hopefullness in lieu of the professor’s obvious need for a scary and evasive PL. ;)

        And I would visit..I’d bring coffee, flowers and a broom to fix up the castle a bit. (I fear that I am sad it isn’t a tree house.) Don’t tell me she has a broom…surely she isn’t a witch. Professor, no witch worth her salt carries the name, Morgan. (See how I tossed that reference in..yes, oh how I like a forest.)

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 22:49

        :cool:

        Haha! Well, maybe at first she had a tree house, but Morgan can definitely take care of herself. Daddy Salami, you know, has a tree house…

        Definitely could use flowers in that castle, but I’m afraid you’d have a tough time making it cheerful. (Maybe you could convince her to live in a tree house?) No, not at witch–as far as the professor knows. I think she’s a spider of sorts. What would be a good witch name do you suppose?

      • 37 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 11, 2013 at 22:55

        It always goes back to Daddy Salami, doesn’t it?! He continues to intrigue me.

        Spider? Yack! =-O A good name…not sure, although Tabitha (Tabby) may work. Naming a witch would take me awhile. I fear I’m pretty choosy when it comes to names.

        Off to watch The Mizly Man. Safe travels. :)

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2013 at 00:42

        He’s definitely an odd one, I think.

        That sounds like a great name to the professor. I think it would take me a few years.

        Thank you!

  8. 39 Susan P October 10, 2013 at 17:55

    This situation seems quite ominous. Very ominous indeed. And Morgan scares the bejeebers out of me. I think that my cat, George Bailey, dealt with one of her kin. This morning he fought and killed a very large spider.

    Good luck on your trip to the PL. Take a cat with you.

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:05

      It sure do! George Bailey should get a medal for that, I think. Morgan even scares MM! The professor tries to stay away from her castle.

      Thank you! Bob?

      All of the professor’s comments seem to have gone to spam. No doubt that’s where they belong. So, if you haven’t seen a professorish comment, that’s where it is, I fear.

      • 41 Susan P October 10, 2013 at 20:08

        You are not the only one, Professor. Harsh Reality OM had that going on, too.

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:09

        Really? Hopefully it resolves itself?

      • 43 Susan P October 10, 2013 at 20:14

        It was akismet that was doing it. In fact, I just found your post of this morning in my spam box. By the pricking of my thumbs something punchy this way comes.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:19

        Does it take care of itself? I fear the professor is very lazy.

        I love that jingle! May I post it up on the side-bar?

      • 45 Susan P October 10, 2013 at 20:26

        Well, I ripped it from William who wrote something like it a few centuries ago, but it certainly is applicable to the PL.

        OM stormed the akismet complaint email, and a bunch of us sent our complaints along behind him. I could send an email to them complaining about my blog, but I fear that the Professor must speak up on his own behalf.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:37

        I still like it, though…

        Just talked with OM and stormed akismet–with fire arrows!

      • 47 Susan P October 10, 2013 at 20:47

        May justice prevail. :D

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 21:03

        Thank you, Susan. If not, we’ll declare a Punchy War!

      • 49 Susan P October 10, 2013 at 21:25

        Oh, I hope it doesn’t come to that. I just had a mental picture of DS invading . . .

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 22:39

        :lol: Ooo, I’m sure it was a scary one.

      • 51 Susan P October 11, 2013 at 00:25

        Well, as long as Mr. R isn’t with him, I guess it will be okay.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:49

        I know you like Mr. R–just a little bit and bits.

      • 53 Susan P October 11, 2013 at 11:34

        No way! He is a most annoying creature.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:24

        I think he’s secretly sweet–and insecure.

      • 55 Susan P October 11, 2013 at 20:25

        See, now, that’s what I think of DS. He’s secretly sweet and insecure.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 20:30

        Salami? :lol: A possibility, definitely. I’m sure Ruber thinks not, though!

      • 57 Susan P October 11, 2013 at 20:32

        Well, you know how it is with fathers and sons – old wolf vs. young wolf.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 20:37

        Very, very true. They should have made the professor king.

      • 59 Susan P October 11, 2013 at 20:54

        “Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown…” Henry iv

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 22:19

        Ahh, I like that too! Very…professorish, I think.

      • 61 Susan P October 12, 2013 at 00:17

        And I haven’t forgotten that I have an idea for you. I had a fairly busy week and didn’t have enough brainage to put it together.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2013 at 00:47

        Awesome! Can’t wait. And don’t worry about it. The professor is at your disposal! ;)

      • 63 Susan P October 12, 2013 at 01:12

        Roger wilco.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2013 at 01:49

        Who’s he?

      • 65 Susan P October 12, 2013 at 19:00

        Does he sound punchy?

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 11:36

        He does! But who is he, dadblameit?

      • 67 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 11:51

        I think he lives on the border of the PL. He’s a distant cousin thrice removed of the Salami family. And he’s an outcast because he has a thriving accounting business that annoys them. Ruber is the closest thing they have to family members who have a thriving business, but we know how that rolls. What they don’t know is that Roger keeps his business thriving with some furtive check kiting.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 16:50

        :lol: This is awesome! I fear, Susan, that you must have been to the PL… (Does DS know about him?)

      • 69 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 17:32

        DS claims he is no kin of his.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:29

        Fascinating! Really interesting. What’s the fellow’s name again?

      • 71 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 22:04

        Roger Wilco.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:02

        :lol: I really like that name!

      • 73 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 17:33

        :D

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:32

        :cool:

  9. 75 technophile9 October 10, 2013 at 16:09

    Very interesting! Just a question: how exactly do you get to the Punchy Lands?

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:00

      Well, it all has to do with EC (Engine Cauliflower). The machine’s engine looks like a cauliflower, hence the name. I do think Fats Henry named it. The machine was his originally. Manly-Man stole it from him, and Merlin somehow sent it to this professor. That’s how I can get there! Hope I didn’t lose you.

  10. 77 Hazy October 10, 2013 at 14:46

    Poor Morgan, not even considered.

    Dropped dead one following the other in an instant. Maybe the King and Queen’s robes were laced with poison! Or they ate bad sushi. Or a terrible coincidence.

    Enjoy the PL trip! Stay safe (and stay away from Pavarinni). :)

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 15:39

      Did you know she scares the professor? She does!

      I like the idea about laced with poison, but who did it, then? You know, the professor’s never had sushi. Never been brave enough, I fear.

      Thank you! And I’ll try. (I know! No telling what he could do!)

      • 79 Hazy October 11, 2013 at 17:22

        Oh, does she? Hmm. I guess, as they say, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” She must be scary indeed!

        I’m not so sure… Maybe Morgan? She has a strong motive to want revenge or something. I’ve tried sushi out of curiosity, but I’m not a fan of it.

        Weatherly seems worried. I think he’s planning to shadow you on your trip! Covertly, of course.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:36

        Indeed! (I think I’ll have Weatherly take care of her.)

        That would be awesome! I’ll pretend I don’t know!

    • 81 Jazzy Couldren October 10, 2013 at 16:55

      Hey, don’t feel bad for Morgan. She almost done be scary enough to scare manly. And that’s pretty bad. She acts something like a spider…

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:01

        Haha! I remember a few run-ins you had with her!

      • 83 Hazy October 11, 2013 at 17:25

        Really? That bad? If she scares even Jazzy, then she really must be scary!

        You mean like Spider-Man, crawling on walls and stuff?

      • 84 Jazzy Couldren October 11, 2013 at 19:43

        She don’t done scare manly. She done almost scares him.

        Yeah…she kinda likes to sit in webs in the corner…

  11. 85 Carl D'Agostino October 10, 2013 at 14:21

    I have really enjoyed Jack Whyte’s Camulod Chronicles series historical fiction on post Roman Britain, King Arthur.

    • 86 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 15:38

      Ah! How many books are in the series?

  12. 87 FictionFan October 10, 2013 at 14:15

    The King and Queen should really have known better than to hire Ruber to do the party food…

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 15:37

      :lol: Is that what happened? I think the professor should take you along on his travels, FEF.

      • 89 FictionFan October 10, 2013 at 17:33

        As your food-taster? ;)

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 20:03

        No. You’d help the professor figure out all the mysteries. After all, FEF has read bunches and bunches of mysteries, and I fear the professor isn’t to bright with that kind of thing.

      • 91 FictionFan October 10, 2013 at 20:48

        I would love to go with you then – I’ve dug out my passport and packed five suitcases (always best to be prepared, I find). Now, should I pack my ballgown and dancing shoes?

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 21:04

        The professor does hope that you don’t have a giant hairdryer in one of the suitcases… I usually travel light–with only the katana strung across my back. Why? Have you changed your mind about dancing with Mr. R?

      • 93 FictionFan October 10, 2013 at 22:02

        Of course I do! But fear not – there’s enough room to fit in your dancing shoes too! (Poor Professor – so sad about his shocking memory problems, but never mind – I’ll just keep reminding him of his PROMISE to dance with me…)

        So glad you travel light – that should make it easier for you to carry my suitcases…

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 22:51

        Well, I’ll do with it like that guy did in Spaceballs. The professor doesn’t have dancing shoes, I fear. Dadblameit! I don’t recall a promise at all. And if I was Darby-like, I would refuse to dance.

        :lol: :lol: But then the giant worms could get us…

      • 95 FictionFan October 10, 2013 at 23:55

        You spend far too much time watching movies that could be used for reading more Jane Austen – what did the guy do in Spaceballs?

        Oh, that’s OK. You can borrow Mr Rubberquite’s. And you know you’d be deeply offended if I said you were Darby-like…

        :lol: But since I won’t be carrying anything, I could probably out-run them. Please try not to get my luggage scuffed while you’re battling them…

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 00:48

        I think the professor is being hollered at.

        “I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane’s. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.” ~ Mark Twain

        And that’s the reason I can’t read anymore Austen–even if FEF wants the professor to read S&S.

        I’m actually more offended by Bruce. Couldn’t I be Wahlberg or Blackmore? Or just the dadblame professor?

        Haha! You can only bring what you can carry.

      • 97 FictionFan October 11, 2013 at 13:40

        You finally found an American word I love – hollered! I wish we used it…

        Mr Twain is just plain rude, if you ask me!

        Wuss! (Northanger Abbey is quite short – and quite funny…)

        Who? Who? How can I make a doll that looks like the Prof if I don’t know what he looks like? So it has to rely on my imagination – so Bruce it is! OK?

        Oh, you’re such a joker! It’s OK, I’ve limited myself to 14 pairs of shoes, so it shouldn’t be too heavy for you…

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 19:32

        Well, go ahead and start a new trend. Of course, you must give the professor credit, though.

        Maybe even professorish.

        I doubt it. Austen seems to lack a sense of humor…

        Well…imagine…the most professorish person you can.

        I’m sure Mr. R. would carry your shoes for you…

      • 99 FictionFan October 11, 2013 at 21:43

        OK. I’m sure you’ll give me good reason to holler at you soon… ;)

        True – but she does have a sense of humour…

        I did – hence John McClane, Indiana Jones and Darby!

        He won’t need to, since you’ll be there…

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2013 at 22:22

        I fear so. FEF’s so picky about things.

        ==]:-{)=

        Darby??? We must really replace him with someone, sir.

        But I won’t carry them–even if you have a tantrum.

      • 101 FictionFan October 11, 2013 at 23:45

        If you don’t stop calling me ‘sir’ I will holler* and have a tantrum!!

        Nah, Darby’s the best bit…

        Well, the suitcases have wheels so you can just pull them along then…

        * © The Professor

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2013 at 00:46

        Well, last time it was “gentleman”. I really don’t see what the problem is. If you call the professor Darby, isn’t it only fair you should be sir? (I probably won’t hear the hollering or see the tantrum. And it wouldn’t bother the professor if he did!)

        Only a backpack. Pretend you’ve got nothing left.

      • 103 FictionFan October 12, 2013 at 13:52

        Hmm..no, I don’t think that’s fair. What might be fair, though, is if I were to call you Lizzie…or Miss…which would probably be more fun than hollering now I think about it. Don’t you agree, Liz?

        You mean you’re going to carry all my cases on your back?? Gosh! You’re so strong..

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2013 at 18:56

        Hmm… :lol: Would Spitz work?

        Dadblameit! You can’t bring anything but yourself, then!

      • 105 FictionFan October 13, 2013 at 17:45

        OK, Spitz…so long as you behave… ;)

        Maburnit! That’s what I’ve been saying!!! I bring nothing…and you bring my luggage. At last we agree!

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 11:44

        :D Very nice, very nice.

        Maybe if I banged my head on the desk it would help clear matters up?

      • 107 FictionFan October 14, 2013 at 13:00

        :lol: :lol: Yes, that might work…

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 17:02

        You would. I think you like causing the professor pain.

  13. 109 L. Marie October 10, 2013 at 14:06

    All this would have been settled had Morgan been chosen in the first place. But hindsight as they say . . .

    • 110 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 15:37

      Very true. But of course, Morgan could have been a wicked ruler–even more wicked than her brother.

  14. 111 The Dancing Rider October 10, 2013 at 13:39

    Of course Morgan would not have been considered. Look out for trouble to come for the forseeable future. :/

    Very said about the King and Queen. Perhaps Lionheart may have been the eldest. But, hmmmm, perhaps being defeated (though it appears taking Morgan’s attitude afterward) is what subjects would consider a viable ascension for Arthur?

    Have fun visiting the Punchy Lands next week, professor! :)

    • 112 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2013 at 15:37

      Absolutely. I think Morgan has been causing trouble, but it could get worse.

      Very good point! King Arthur is a bit cynical and mean at times, but overall he’s not that bad of a king.

      Thank you! I’ll try to stay safe.


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