The PL Times
The Official Punchy Lands’ Newspaper
Monday, October 14, 2013
Section A. Punchy Proverbs:
(1) If learning keeps the mind young, then the professor has an old mind. (I’m not sure why Shnodgrate wrote this, but it’s not too nice.)
(2) If you think you think—think again. (By the PL’s co-writer, Nicholas Warren.)
(3) A being that is not bound by Time has no beginning—or end.
Now you must pick favorites, PF!
Section B. Something you should know about the professor:
The professor never gets insulted, but when he does, he cries.
Section C. What the PL’ers have to say:
(1) Hmm…I’m not too happy with Attila’s hordes. ~ Barkoush
(2) What really annoys me is a conquered, yet uncooperative, people. ~ Dr. Zauberer
(3) I will do aught for more gold; even sell my boots. ~ Napoleon
Section D. Breaking News: Interview with Mr. Ratherquite
Another PL interview has been scheduled. This time with Mr. Ratherquite.
If you have questions for Mr. Ratherquite, post them below. Up to three questions, and—keep them polite, please. (One PLFM in particular.)
Section E. Featured Story: A Sudden Attack!
by J. Freedwoppen
“Well,” Schwarz Tauptinker said, “it was after I moved in that I noticed them. And it wasn’t nice—tell you what! Chickit. No, no.”
After renting the flat, Schwarz soon began to notice prodigious amounts of termites and carpenter ants.
“It was weird, you know? They’d just crawl across my kitchen floor. And I didn’t want to eat them. So I said, ‘What do I do?’”
A quick inspection showed that the building was full of the pests.
“Yeah,” professional exterminator Willy Jay said, “it was a hopeless case. I mean, them bugs were everywhere. I told the owner that the building would be destroyed within a month or so.”
Needless to say, Schwarz moved out.
“Wasn’t going to stay there. Chickit.”
Mortimer Butterfield, CEO of the CIO, weighed in.
“Well, that’s what happens to rude people. I tried to buy the building from the owner, but he wouldn’t sell. He was rude and stupid. You don’t cross Mortimer and get away with it.”
The flat was demolished, and some say a CIO factory will take its place within a few months.
“It’s strange,” Willy Jay said. “We still have no idea where the bugs came from.”
Section F. Hearing from the PL Family
PL family, if you have any questions about the Punchy Lands, characters, or anything Punchy, feel free to comment below.
The Punchy Times principal reporter, J. Freedwoppen, would be more than glad to cover or investigate your query. (Make sure to clearly indicate your question for Mr. Freedwoppen.)
Until next time, this is the PL Times!