PL Times, E6

The PL Times
The Official Punchy Lands’ Newspaper
Monday, October 14, 2013
Edition 6

Section A. Punchy Proverbs:

(1) If learning keeps the mind young, then the professor has an old mind. (I’m not sure why Shnodgrate wrote this, but it’s not too nice.)

(2) If you think you think—think again. (By the PL’s co-writer, Nicholas Warren.)

(3) A being that is not bound by Time has no beginning—or end.

Now you must pick favorites, PF!


Section B. Something you should know about the professor:

The professor never gets insulted, but when he does, he cries.


Section C. What the PL’ers have to say:

(1) Hmm…I’m not too happy with Attila’s hordes. ~ Barkoush

(2) What really annoys me is a conquered, yet uncooperative, people. ~ Dr. Zauberer

(3) I will do aught for more gold; even sell my boots. ~ Napoleon


Section D. Breaking News: Interview with Mr. Ratherquite

Another PL interview has been scheduled. This time with Mr. Ratherquite.

If you have questions for Mr. Ratherquite, post them below. Up to three questions, and—keep them polite, please. (One PLFM in particular.)


Section E. Featured Story: A Sudden Attack!
by J. Freedwoppen

“Well,” Schwarz Tauptinker said, “it was after I moved in that I noticed them. And it wasn’t nice—tell you what! Chickit. No, no.”

After renting the flat, Schwarz soon began to notice prodigious amounts of termites and carpenter ants.

“It was weird, you know? They’d just crawl across my kitchen floor. And I didn’t want to eat them. So I said, ‘What do I do?’”

A quick inspection showed that the building was full of the pests.

“Yeah,” professional exterminator Willy Jay said, “it was a hopeless case. I mean, them bugs were everywhere. I told the owner that the building would be destroyed within a month or so.”

Needless to say, Schwarz moved out.

“Wasn’t going to stay there. Chickit.”

Mortimer Butterfield, CEO of the CIO, weighed in.

“Well, that’s what happens to rude people. I tried to buy the building from the owner, but he wouldn’t sell. He was rude and stupid. You don’t cross Mortimer and get away with it.”

The flat was demolished, and some say a CIO factory will take its place within a few months.

“It’s strange,” Willy Jay said. “We still have no idea where the bugs came from.”


Section F. Hearing from the PL Family

PL family, if you have any questions about the Punchy Lands, characters, or anything Punchy, feel free to comment below.

The Punchy Times principal reporter, J. Freedwoppen, would be more than glad to cover or investigate your query. (Make sure to clearly indicate your question for Mr. Freedwoppen.)


Until next time, this is the PL Times!


90 Responses to “PL Times, E6”

  1. 1 krugthethinker October 16, 2013 at 03:52

    Oh my! We are having, er, a bit of a bug problem here, and we have joked about moving away. I have all the sympathy in the world! Ohhh, a Mr. Ratherquite interview! I should very much like to know about his education and formative years. Of what sort was his parentage, and whence his distinctive name?

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2013 at 12:36

      And Schwarz had to move out, but I don’t think he minded too much.

      Great questions! Thanks for sharing some.

  2. 3 Jennifer October 15, 2013 at 21:39

    Sending virtual hugs for the Professor being insulted. How dare they??!
    Proverb wise, I like #1, swapping your name with mine. I do like #3 though I’m not sure why.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 23:49

      Thank you! The professor could definitely use them. It was rotten, wasn’t it?

      But then they’d be insulting you–which is just as bad. #3 makes one think, I think.

      • 5 Jennifer October 16, 2013 at 01:48

        I’m used to it. No biggie, it that depends in the insult.. And thank you.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2013 at 01:54

        Beat those who insult! ;)

  3. 7 Hazy October 15, 2013 at 15:30

    Section A: (1) If so, then hazy has an old mind too, I guess?
    I think I like (2) because I think it’s true. (Nice quote, Nicholas Warren!)

    Section B: When you cry when you get insulted (though you never get insulted, so this is hypothetical), does the professor sit sobbing in a corner or hide?

    Section C: Knee high, halfway knee high, or ankle high boots?

    Section D: I heard Mr. Ratherquite had studied medicine (though not completed, was it?). Can he elaborate a bit?

    Section F: The incident sounds fishy… (or ant-sy) :D

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 17:16

      He was insulting both of us! (I think we should not tell Weatherly; he might not like it too much at all.)

      Mr. Warren is a great guy.

      Well, I’m not sure. You see, it usually never happens. It’s a professorish problem.

      The middle one, I think. Are you interested in wearing them? :lol:

      Excellent question, Hazy! (The interview should be posted next week, I think.)

      :lol: It does! The professor doesn’t trust Mortimer…

      • 9 Hazy October 18, 2013 at 13:29

        Oh, I like those kind of boots. Maybe? Is it fashionable? :lol:

        I don’t trust him either. It’s seems like his hidden agenda has a secret within the hidden agenda… A sly one, is he?

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 20:01

        :lol: I’m really not sure!

        I think so. Weatherly could take care of him, though.

      • 11 Hazy October 21, 2013 at 14:31


        Weatherly agrees and thanks the professor for his confidence in his skills.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 16:30

        Of course!

  4. 13 Angeline M October 15, 2013 at 03:41

    Proverb 2 is my fave, and I keep thinking about it.
    You cry? Really? Oh my, that will never do. I hate to see a professor cry.
    And for Mr. Ratherquite, my question is: do your two lady friends live at your house?

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:04

      I know, it sticks in one’s mind, I think.

      Only when I get insulted–which never happens. Brilliant, isn’t it?


  5. 15 Jackie October 14, 2013 at 22:05

    #2 is my fav! Does Salami have a beef with Schwarz? The whole bug fiasco sounds like something Salami would be behind. The mystery deepens. . .

    As always, The PL Times = Punchalicious! 8-)

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:03

      It does! Personally, I bet Mortimer set it up and had DS do the dirty work.

      Many thanks!

  6. 17 sonya solomonovich October 14, 2013 at 21:59

    Sorry to hear of your being insulted, professor. You seem to me very much a life-long learner. Pay no attention to these dadblame detractors!

    I have a couple of questions for Mr. Ratherquite:

    1. Have you ever fought any of the punchylanders in a duel?
    2. Have you ever hosted your own party? If so, who did you invite?

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:02

      I won’t! The professor won’t let them bother him at all! You’re right.

      Perfect. Can’t wait to ask.

  7. 19 The Dancing Rider October 14, 2013 at 21:15


    How dare Schnodgrate insult you like that! Get me my crossbow! ;-) If I must choose a proverb, it would be #2, as it is something I should do more of. #3 is a close second, , but I like it, and think it is a nice thought.

    Something about Professor:

    Oh! This makes me feel bad for you. Especially after having read proverb #1. I would not waste any tears over that one, Professor!

    What the PL’rs have to say:

    Laughed SO hard at Dr. Zauberer’s quote! DUH! And through how much human history do the conquerer’s expect otherwise?! LOL! Dr. Zauberer is not immune to that expectation I see.

    Breakling News:

    Oh, I can’t wait for that interview. Please do ask him how he feels about being thrown out of almost every party at which he arrives! On second thought, that might hurt his feelings. So then, maybe ask him if he has danced anywhere.

    Featured Story:

    I don’t trust Butterfield!

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:45

      I know! Very cruel, I think. Yes! The crossbow, definitely, and put two bolts on it. :) The professor is right with you on #2.

      Very true! I shan’t!

      :lol: Dr. Zauberer should have known; you’re right! But I think he lacks discriminating wit, you know.

      We’ll ask him both questions! The professor thinks they’re both awesome. It would be neat to seem him get a bit offended.

      Me neither! I would stay away from him, for sure.

      • 21 The Dancing Rider October 14, 2013 at 22:44

        I feel guilty for thinking that it might be cool to see Mr. R get offended at questions ….. ;-)

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:03

        Not at all! The professor is looking forward to that too!

  8. 23 technophile9 October 14, 2013 at 19:54

    A: Very nice! I think the first quote is true… but not towards the professor.

    B: I do this too! (Although I am much more easily offended).

    C: Hmm, I think if Puss in Boots had said this rather than Napoleon, it would have more effect.

    D: Mr Ratherquite, who taught you your impeccable manners? ;)

    As for the Termites, I wonder…

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:39

      Absolutely! It was a bit rude for sure.

      Well at least the professor isn’t alone!

      :lol: :lol: You’re right!

      Perfect question! Will ask. Thanks for asking one, btw.

      About what? It makes this professor wonder too…and maybe even Plant wonders.

  9. 25 MikeW October 14, 2013 at 18:37

    …and the pines in the background would make your camera manufacturer proud.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:38

      Aren’t they great? The professor changes the photo every so often. So, how you doing, Mike?

  10. 27 MikeW October 14, 2013 at 18:36

    Much laughter. The proverbs are punchy.

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:38

      :D Thank you!

  11. 29 deanthefish October 14, 2013 at 17:33

    I’m surprised Schwarz wouldn’t consider eating the insects as an appropriate course of action.

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:29

      Haha, Schwarz is getting better, right? ;)

  12. 31 Lesley October 14, 2013 at 16:01

    I don’t like any of the proverbs today. The first one is insulting to my good friend :) The last two are just too philosophical.

    Anyway, even though I don’t like Schwarz, I think Mortimer is sick! I will find him and…and…and…and shove those bugs down his throat! Cooked.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 17:08

      It was insulting! Thank you, Lesley, for sticking up for the professor! :D It does hurt the mind.

      Wowawee! The professor thinks he might deserve it too. But, isn’t it a bit harsh?

      • 33 Lesley October 14, 2013 at 17:19

        Hmm, I didn’t know it was going to come out a bit too harsh. I am just mad at him Professor.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:27

        Lesley, the professor is very proud (and happy) to have you around! Sometimes I need protected from the crazy PL’ers!!!

      • 35 Lesley October 14, 2013 at 21:49

        Don’t mention it Professor. I am honored :)

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:01

        :cool: The professor is as well.

      • 37 Lesley October 15, 2013 at 14:51


      • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 17:14


  13. 39 MissTiffany October 14, 2013 at 14:42

    Hmm, I quite like proverb number two. Three is nice also. One is just rude. Tell me Professor, after reading section B, did you cry after Shnodgrate presented that first proverb?
    My questions for Mr. Ratherquite are these:
    Firstly (and very importantly) How does he feel about boiled potatoes?
    Secondly, does he practice his manners, or do that come naturally?
    Thirdly, what would he do if his ladies ever abandoned him?

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 17:06

      No, I didn’t, because I’m never insulted. Isn’t it wonderful?

      The questions are very nice. (I love the first.)

      (I haven’t forgot about the form!)

      • 41 MissTiffany October 14, 2013 at 20:21

        That is indeed wonderful! A great way to go about things.

        You’re welcome. (And I’m completely serious, the first question is important).

        Take you time filling it out. I look forward to reading it whenever you finish it! :)

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:41


        I wonder why… But it is a cool question.

        Thanks! I plan to brag about my evilness, you know… This is awesome. (Hope you’re not scared by the professor’s answers.)

      • 43 MissTiffany October 15, 2013 at 12:50

        My reason is my own. But I eagerly await the answer.

        You’re welcome! Never fear, I am the leader of this evil organization for a reason – I don’t think your answers can scare me. On the contrary, I may even be impressed!

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 17:08

        Fine then! Be secretive!


  14. 45 L. Marie October 14, 2013 at 13:35

    Have to go with number 3 on the proverbs, since the first is an insult.
    And yay for the interview with Mr. Ratherquite. My questions are
    (1) How did you and the ladies first connect?
    (2) Has there ever been a party to which you actually were invited? If so, did you refuse to go as a result?
    (3) Are the ladies your bodyguards, groupies, or just people who invited themselves to accompany you wherever you go?

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 17:04

      Good choice, I’d say.

      Sorry it took so long! Awesome questions. The interview will be up in about a week. I think Alb is going to run it.

  15. 47 ladycheetah7 October 14, 2013 at 12:59

    #3 is the winner but I am really leaning in toward section B. The termite story reminds me of an apt I was renting when I lived in Arizona; not termites but red ants. I poured red pepper on them and voila! Instant ant insanity.

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 17:02

      Yes, I must say #3 is the professor’s favorite too. Section B is quite true, you know.

      Goodness! Red ants? Did it kill them or make them go crazy?

      (Any questions for Mr. R?)

      • 49 ladycheetah7 October 14, 2013 at 17:23

        The ants went crazy. As for Mr. Ratherquite I am not particularly fond if him, but if I had to ask it would be….what do you look like? IMO I imagine him to be overweight with red disheveled hair and pimple that looks like warts…just sayin…

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:28

        I couldn’t imagine those type of ants. Yucketh!

        The professor thinks you like him more than you let on…

        You are certainly under no obligation to ask a question if you don’t want to.

      • 51 ladycheetah7 October 14, 2013 at 21:36

        Um no, just wondering if you said something to antagonize him.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:46

        Well, it’s quite possible. But I can’t think what!

      • 53 ladycheetah7 October 14, 2013 at 20:36

        Um Professor, did you offend Shnodgrate? I wonder because you can be quite antagonistic at times….. Also, love the new background.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:41

        Me? Antagonistic? Isn’t the professor very sweet? But maybe I did. Couldn’t think how, though.

        Thanks! The trees are rather neat.

      • 55 ladycheetah7 October 14, 2013 at 21:48

        Yes they are. I am of the Professor is deceptively clever you know…

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:00

        :) You may have something there…

  16. 57 weggieboy October 14, 2013 at 12:58

    I agree with others: Nr. 1 definitely is the product of mind bent on impudence! Everyone would stay away from PL if Nr. 3 were the point (pointlessness) of life. Grow, expand, be future-stretching, eh?!

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 17:00

      I know! How meanly cruel! The professor, you know, has been trying to expand his mind for years now with little success.

  17. 59 FictionFan October 14, 2013 at 12:49

    It’s time somebody sorted rude old Shnoddy out! Everybody knows the Professor’s mind is ageless – in fact, just like #3. Nicholas Warren is very deep, or something…

    Poor Professor! (Note to self: be kinder to C-W-W…)

    Before I bid for Napoleon’s boots, please advise sizing…

    :lol: :lol: Polite, eh? That makes it difficult…I’ll have to give that some thought and get back to you…

    D’you know, there’s something about that Mr Butterfield that I don’t trust? I think I may bring my own chocolate when I visit the PL – tell Schwarzy I’ll share it with him.

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 16:59

      The professor’s not sure if he should take that as a compliment or not…

      N. Warren is a great fellow…just wait till you see our latest collaboration.

      (I like that note. Make it a double.)

      You want his boots? :shock: :lol:

      Can’t wait to see what you ask, but you behave, young lady! (Notice it wasn’t “sir” or “gentleman”.)

      Oh really? I was wondering when that would happen. The professor isn’t sure you’d want to share with Schwarz, though…

      • 61 FictionFan October 14, 2013 at 17:40

        Of course it was a compliment!

        Ooh, what are you collaborating on?

        I’m always kind to the Professor!

        I’m so sorry, dear Spitz (note: not Lizzie…), but I couldn’t cut it down to three – you must choose which to ask…

        1. Does your belly wobble naturally or are there special exercises you do?
        2. What do you think it is that makes you so irresistible to the ladies?
        3. Have you ever considered waiting for an invite before attending parties?
        4. Would your dancing shoes fit the Professor?
        5. Have you tried the fish at Ruber’s Café? I hear it’s marvellous…
        6. Could you teach the Professor to dance the cotillion?
        7. Emigration is a wonderful thing – have you ever considered leaving the PL?
        8. Which character in P&P do you think you most resemble?

        Of course I’d want to share with my chafafah – I’m missing him dreadfully, you know. I hope he’s in one of the vids soon…

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:34

        Very good of you…ma’am.

        Something dreadfully spooky for Halloween.

        :lol: Such badness! Anyway, the professor likes them all. We’ll see how many we can ask. ;)

        Oh yes, you’ll get to see him soon…

      • 63 FictionFan October 15, 2013 at 13:55

        Badness? Me? I thought I was very polite… ;)

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 17:09

        Maybe just a bit.

  18. 65 I Am Jasmine Kyle October 14, 2013 at 12:48

    Who ever insults Our Dear Professor has insulted me!

    • 66 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 16:53

      Thank you bunches! The professor feels quite protected and loved now.

      • 67 I Am Jasmine Kyle October 14, 2013 at 18:02

        And you should stay that way!

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:36

        But we both now I probably won’t.

      • 69 I Am Jasmine Kyle October 14, 2013 at 21:38

        well only if you loose sight of your magic.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:46

        Which is a possibility too, you know.

      • 71 I Am Jasmine Kyle October 14, 2013 at 21:58

        Well you must decide to NOT loose your magic. Then you’ll be fine!

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:01

        You’re right. It should be simple enough.

      • 73 I Am Jasmine Kyle October 15, 2013 at 12:56

        There you go!

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 17:08

        Many thanks to you. :cool:

  19. 75 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 14, 2013 at 12:25

    A new background? A Punchalicious type of inspiration, I’d say. Wowawee, a beautiful place to be.

    So I agree with #1. Learning does keep the mind young, although taking it out on the professor seems harsh. :)
    #3…Hello, God, is that you? It’s me, Audrey. #3 has a lovely ring to it…

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 16:53

      Yes! The professor changes the background to shots of the PL from time to time. Maybe this forest houses Morgan’s castle?

      Very mean, wasn’t it? Very, very nasty.

      Ah, very good. It does have a ring to it. ;)

      • 77 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 14, 2013 at 18:26

        I can only hope that Morgan’s castle is here, professor. How could she be so nasty with living in this beauty as a possibility?

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:37

        That’s true. I’d imagine her forest, then, is quite dark and ugly.

      • 79 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 14, 2013 at 21:47

        I prefer her forest look more like this, actually, so maybe Morgan has had a change of heart. :) :) A willingness to help her brother…. (its a thought) :) :) :) No, too cheery then, I figured. Worth a shot…

        Back to your nasties, meanies, scaries, uglies and cobwebs, professor. ;)

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:00

        Well, that would be very interesting. I think Morgan is too angry for that to happen, though. Maybe you could convince her?

        No, back to my professorish, you mean. ;)

      • 81 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 15, 2013 at 13:48

        Challenge, Morgan?? :D :D I’m brave enough…

        ;) It is so.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 17:09

        I bet you are! The professor probably isn’t, though…

  20. 83 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 12:17

    “A being that is not bound by Time has no beginning—or end.” Profound, professor.

    “The professor never gets insulted, but when he does, he cries.” It vexes you?

    “We still have no idea where the bugs came from.” I daresay I might make an educated guess. Dadblameit! someone needs to find out.

    For Mr. Ratherquite: What is your happiest memory?

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 16:52

      It definitely is. Very profound and mind-working. ;)

      Only sometimes, I suppose. It should, shouldn’t it?

      Well, what’s your guess? (I fear there’s not much that can be done against Mortimer.)

      Great question. Will be putting this together. I think Alb will be running it, though.

      • 85 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 17:40

        Where is the justice? Where, I ask you?

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 21:35

        I know, I know. Justice and the PL don’t seem to coexist, do they? Kind of like this world…

      • 87 Susan P October 14, 2013 at 22:05

        I’m glad this world is not all there is.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2013 at 12:03

        I couldn’t agree more.

  21. 89 howanxious October 14, 2013 at 12:02

    I loved those quotes… Superb. And the termites make up a conspiracy story. :-D

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2013 at 16:50

      Many thanks! They sure do. But who do you think did it?

Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,868 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on

Blog Stats

  • 115,929 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: