Tales and Stories

Tale

The professor is never nervous. In truth, this is true.

But I do get apprehensive. And once I arrived in the Punchy Lands, I was a bit…on edge, I suppose you could say.

Of course, it didn’t help matters when the professor was accosted—in a theater, of all places.

You see, the professor had gone to see some sort of show. It was rather well done.

(Later I learned that it was a Daddy Salami/Lucini Pavarinni production.)

The professor was in his private box, when a corpulent lady, with blonde curls, waltzed in and flopped down besides me.

It was a bit flustering, I’ll admit.

But it got worse.

Then a lady with red hair came and sat beside the other lady. And, then—goodness me!—Mr. Ratherquite appeared and sat on the other side of the professor.

I wasn’t really sure what to do.

After all, the professor had paid for a box so that he could be alone, and here were these three twerdlits getting in for free and making use of the professor’s box!

I was enraged. Angered. Suddenly very professorish.

But before I could say anything or do anything, Mr. Ratherquite leaned over and whispered:

“I can’t begin to express my gratitude for your gentlemanly behavior. The ladies and I are deeply indebted to you for saving our seats.”

The professor wasn’t sure what to do.

Suddenly, there was a loud sound from behind. One of the ladies screamed and Mr. Ratherquite stood and spun around.

The professor went for one of his weapons. It was at that instant that Mr. Ratherquite was brutally shoved; he let out a shriek and fell to the floor below.

Story

Daddy Salami looked about the packed theater and then his green eyes drifted up to one specific box.

He chuckled to himself, and then turned to Ruber, who was sitting beside him.

“Hey, Ruber,” he said, “look over there.”

“Oh please, dad! I’m tryin’ to watch the show, eh?”

“Do as you’re told, cur!” Salami voice rose to a harsh whisper and garnered a bit of attention.

Finally Ruber unwillingly looked in the direction that Salami was indicating.

“So?” he said. “You should have got us a box. If you were any type of provider, you would have.”

Salami didn’t seem to hear. “P. VJ is up there, and he’s bein’ attacked by Mr. Ratherquite and the them-things. I want ya ta go and save him, because lollies like him need help.”

Ruber seemed shocked. “Why do you care about him, eh?”

Salami’s eyes flashed. “Just do as your told, cur-child!”

“No,” Ruber answered. “And there’s nothing you can do about it, unless you want to make a scene, and disturb the show.”

Salami’s mouth fell open.

Then Schwarz Tauptinker, who was close by, chimed in:

“I’ll do it, if you want. Okay?”

Salami didn’t look pleased. “Ya failed ya daddy, Ruber.”

Schwarz headed for the box.

Salami waited and waited.

Finally, there was a scream—a lady’s scream—and a figure could be seen falling from the box.

Then Schwarz appeared, leaning out over the audience.

“I did it! Oh yeah!”

***

Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway), the professor rushed to where he was staying. I didn’t want any part in those dastardly proceedings.

And that’s when I looked through my telescope.

This is what I saw:

helix_spitzer_2048[1]

Doesn’t it look like Salami’s eye? Goodness me. What do you see when you look at it?

 

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64 Responses to “Tales and Stories”


  1. 1 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 16:55

    This story reminds me of a Mid Summer Night’s Dream. Well, the confusion does at any rate. What a close call. And, while I’m thinking of it, what possessed you to go to the theater in the PL and what was playing again? Did it help or hinder the goings on?

    • 2 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 16:57

      And twerdlits is not related to twerking, is it?

      • 3 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 16:59

        The professor doesn’t know what twerking is. Should I know?

      • 4 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 17:01

        It’s probably best if you don’t know.

      • 5 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 18:17

        Ooo, sounds scary.

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 16:58

      The professor’s going to have to read that again–I forget all of it, I fear.

      Well, I thought the theater would be quite enjoyable. (It was a play by Salami and Pavarinni. Believe it or not, something ripping about Manly-Man. I don’t think Lucini likes MM. Good thing MM wasn’t there.)

      It was brutal. So I think it hindered. Must have put Schwarz up to it–in a way.

      • 7 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 17:01

        Well, I suppose you will have to try again.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 18:18

        Try what? The professor isn’t for trying things again and again.

      • 9 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 19:08

        Try to see the play in PL.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 20:06

        It’d be Punchyish then–maybe better. But maybe messed up?

      • 11 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 20:28

        Messed up often = Punchyish. And I have added Punchyish to my dictionary as it keeps on annoying me with corrections.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 21:42

        :lol: So true! That’s great. It is a word, you know. :D

    • 13 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 19:06

      Some others would agree with you about it being scary.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 20:05

        Ooo, I want to ask for more details, but I won’t.

      • 15 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 20:26

        Two words: Miley Cyrus.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 21:41

        Isn’t Cyrus the name of an arch-villan in Con Air?

      • 17 Susan P October 21, 2013 at 21:47

        I give up…is it?

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 22, 2013 at 13:25

        Yes. Rather funny too.

      • 19 Susan P October 22, 2013 at 20:14

        :D

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 22, 2013 at 22:53

        :cool:

  2. 21 Hazy October 18, 2013 at 14:32

    Which weapon did you go for, professor? Weatherly is curious.

    Lol at Schawrz. He just happens to be sitting close by to DS and Ruber, eh?

    “I did it! Oh yeah!” – Somehow, I can imagine him dancing a bit with glee. :lol:

    Is Mr. Ratherquite OK? I hope the fall wasn’t too bad.

    I see a variation of… the eye of Sauron! Methinks. Or vanilla ice cream with cherry, viewed from the top. Now I want some Ice cream, dadblameit.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 20:08

      (The ka-bar, but don’t tell anyone else.)

      Yeah! I wonder what he was doing…

      The professor is afraid to say that he did dance, dadblameit! I should have taken a photo.

      He was bruised up, I believe, but all the flubber kept him safe.

      I love ice cream and cherries! Send some this way, please. It does look like an eye for sure…

      • 23 Hazy October 21, 2013 at 14:53

        (oh, very nice choice! portable and easily concealed. Weatherly approves)

        I bet he was waiting for a moment just like that…

        Aw, no photo? too bad. We could have had it framed or something. A video would have been even better :D

        Three scoops of ice cream with cherries are on the way! With some fudge?

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2013 at 16:34

        (That’s great.)

        I bet you’re right.

        The professor should bring a camera next time.

        Yes! (And extra cherries.)

  3. 25 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 18, 2013 at 03:19

    Hold on one second…why did it get worse when his red head came in…? Why couldn’t the red head sit down first and then the curly blonde enter second, making it all “worse”?
    Gesh….Mr. R travels in style.

    It seems the professor needs to learn to

    • 26 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 18, 2013 at 03:23

      (Oops) share. :)

      Fun story. I like the theater, I like that the red heads are writers of plays. That makes me smile. The other doesn’t…..! ;)

      • 27 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 18, 2013 at 03:43

        Oh, the picture. Well, possibly a shiny red tractor from outer space. Flying through a forest…an outer space forest with a tree house. :D Yes, that’s it!

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 20:01

        I think you’ve got it! By far the neatest thought on that, I think!

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 20:00

        Oh, oh I see! Yes, I suppose the professor is a bit selfish…

        :lol: Now, Lucini doesn’t have red hair.

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 20:00

      I’m almost sure the hair had nothing to do with it. ;) (The red-haired one is a bit more feisty, though.)

      He sure does!

      To learn what?

      • 31 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 19, 2013 at 04:38

        To share his private box at the theater. Sorry if all of these posts seemed confusing. Hard to respond via phone. I get impatient waiting for it to catch up and then start poking at it even harder.

        (Feisty tends to run a bit true…)

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke October 19, 2013 at 18:42

        No problem! The professor is impatient and feisty too you know.

      • 33 Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 19, 2013 at 18:52

        We want what we want when we’s want it. :)

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 19, 2013 at 19:36

        Very true! The professor understands that perfectly.

  4. 35 The Dancing Rider October 17, 2013 at 22:26

    Ha Ha! I laughed so hard at Mr. R’s ladies’ appearances, followed closely by Mr. R. himself! Of COURSE they came and sat, uninvited, in your box! Only to thank you for saving their seats. All of this figures.

    But…..the untoward event which followed?! Schwarz to the rescue… I think.

    I don’t blame the professor for getting out of there. Quickly.

    The “eye’ is scary….and looks rather demon-possessed.

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 23:40

      Yes, I think it’s true.

      Really? I thought a few PLFM would feel bad for Mr. R.

      It was a hasty retreat!

      It does! Something Zez would do…

      • 37 The Dancing Rider October 18, 2013 at 00:58

        Well of course I feel sorry that he was thrown off the balcony. I’m not sure that was deserved, despite the professor’s consternation. Leave it to DS to “take care of the situation” in this manner. But I did laugh when he appeared in the professor’s box.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 19:58

        Haha, that was rude of him. But I think I feel bad for him a bit.

  5. 39 ladycheetah7 October 17, 2013 at 19:11

    I…can’t….believe….you left us hanging. Granted I care not for Daddy Salami BUT I was more than willing to champion his cause in slaying Mr. R & his gremlins…psst….

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 19:45

      So, Lady prefers DS to Mr. R? I thought you secretly liked Mr. R and the Ladies…

      • 41 ladycheetah7 October 17, 2013 at 19:58

        Me thinks you enjoy vitriolic reactions….lol tsk tsk PVJ

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 20:03

        The professor enjoys profesorish reactions, you know.

      • 43 ladycheetah7 October 17, 2013 at 20:04

        :-P

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 20:05

        :cool:

  6. 45 sonya solomonovich October 17, 2013 at 18:37

    Poor Daddy Salami, always frustrated with his offspring. I wonder why he wanted to extricate the professor? Knowing Daddy, one can’t help but think he has an ulterior motive…

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 19:44

      Well, Ruber wasn’t too nice, was he?

      I know! What do you think could be the motive?

      • 47 sonya solomonovich October 17, 2013 at 20:04

        Perhaps Daddy wants you to write a positive review of his play?

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 20:05

        I bet you’re right. It wasn’t a bad play, just a bit gory. Would you watch one of his plays?

      • 49 sonya solomonovich October 17, 2013 at 20:06

        Oh yes, would love to! Chickit!

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 23:33

        I think you’d find it interesting for sure…

  7. 51 Jackie October 17, 2013 at 15:29

    What a scene! Did the figure falling from the box get injured or did they bounce like in the cartoons?

    When I look at the image from your telescope I see the helix nebula. 8-)

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 19:44

      Only DS bounces… :lol: So, (it was Mr. R, btw) he didn’t bounce at all. He probably got a bit busted, I fear.

      Is that what it’s called? How neat!

      • 53 Jackie October 17, 2013 at 20:29

        Yup! That’s what it’s called. 8-)

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 23:34

        The professor has learned something! Thanks!!!

      • 55 Jackie October 17, 2013 at 23:44

        You’re very welcome! Learning things is punchalicious! :-D

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2013 at 00:54

        It is indeed! :cool:

  8. 57 L. Marie October 17, 2013 at 14:35

    Manothunder! This post made me laugh out loud! It also made me curious as to what weapons the Professor had. I depend on my trusty Renaissance-Faire-bought throwing knife. It’s not very big though. It might strike fear in the heart of a kitten though. Or Mr. Ratherquite’s ladies.

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 19:43

      Awesome! :D

      Well, it depends. Sometimes it’s a steel rode; other times it’s a ka-bar; other times…just a plain knife.

      The professor is sure your weapon is really cool. You should post about and take a few pics! :)

  9. 59 FictionFan October 17, 2013 at 14:24

    Schwarzy! My hero!! Please tell me Mr Rubberquite didn’t bounce…

    I see an egg fried by Ruber.

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 19:41

      No, only Salami bounces. Now, wouldn’t you rather dance with Schwarz than the professor? It would save the professor much embarrassment.

      :lol: Haha! A green egg… The professor would try it, for sure!

      • 61 FictionFan October 17, 2013 at 21:00

        I’m deeply hurt that the Professor is so unwilling to dance with poor FF. :cry: But too bad – you promised! :D

        No, no! Not unless you have a supply of the antidote…

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 23:37

        Oh dear. Oh. I feel like Cary Grant all the sudden… Well, the professor just doesn’t want to look silly, and then, professors don’t dance.

        Ooo, are they poisonous.

  10. 63 Angeline M October 17, 2013 at 13:58

    I think I see an exploding Salami, but then it is early here, and I have had only one cup of coffee.

    • 64 Professor VJ Duke October 17, 2013 at 19:39

      The professor agrees with you. I suspect Salami will get very angry–which is scary.


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