Hearing From Lucini Pavarinni, Part 2

This is a continuation from Pavarinni’s last story. To read the first installment, click here.

***

Hello again.

To all of my fans and those still warming up, but soon-to-be fans nonetheless, my heartfelt appreciation. And to those who dislike me… those who find me uninteresting: we can only pray that they donʼt wake up one fine morning to find themselves equally uninteresting. Just as those who judge me to be glib find out they have more in common with me than they originally thought. :} (A nod to the manly one for use of his smiley.)

And now let the tale begin.

Arthurʼs face was set like stone. There were murmurings around the table but the party was mostly shrouded in silence. We were waiting for Ruber to bring out the first course.

Schwarz, sitting to my left, was cooing to himself evidently trying to keep his mind occupied and licking his fork in a rather disgusting way.

I gave him a deprecating look.

“What dude? This forkʼs tasty.”

Arthur was staring in disbelief.

Finally, he could take no more. He drew Excalibur from its sheath, behind his chair, and rested it on the table pointing in the general direction of Schwarz.

“Quit it now or Iʼll personally run you through.”

At this moment, there was a rustling from Ruberʼs tents and Ruber himself along with his servers were soon making their way towards the table carrying sizable platters. Ruber sat his platter on a tray stand.

“Here we go, Art. The first course, Pumpkin Soup.”

Rows of little white bowls, filled with a thick blackish broth, resided smugly and terribly on each platter. And one by one, these white bowls began a foray upon our table.

After everybody had received a white bowl, Ruber said something to the effect of bon appétit and departed to finish preparing the second course.

Now, I believe it is a wise resolve never to partake in any soup or beverage that has not ceased to bubble even after it has cooled. And Ruberʼs soup was served ice-cold. The thick dark broth heaved and spat in such a way that suggested a single misfortunate organism was trapped at the bottom of each soup bowl struggling for breath. Beyond this cause for repulsion, there was something long and thin floating just beneath the surface of my particular serving which was faintly purple in complexion.

I turned to Schwarz. “Are you going to…?”

I should have spared the question for Schwarz had already raised the bowl to his lips, inclined his neck back as far as he could, and was now gulping the dreadful substance down his throat. I gasped and took a quick look around the table. Not another had touched their soup, but were either regarding it with a weary eye or staring at the spectacle of Schwarz with distaste and disbelief.

Schwarz reached the bottom of his bowl.

“Whoooaaa!!” he screamed. “That was something else–tell you what! That was…”

“Schwarz,” I interrupted. “Seeing how much you enjoyed yours, I beg you to do me the honor of having mine.” I gently slid the soup bowl across the table.

It didnʼt take much prodding. Schwarz took the bowl and drained the contents.

Schwarz screamed as if gasping for air.

I regarded the neighbor to my right with a meaningful glance and nodded in the direction of Schwarz.

“By all means,” he said and slid his bowl over to me. I, in turn, lifted it and handed it to Schwarz.

More screams.

But Schwarz did not disappoint.

He repeated it a third time.

I noticed his eyes were bloodshot at this point and his cheeks were red. I suppose the soup was spicy.

Schwarz didnʼt look overly interested in partaking of any more pumpkin soup but by now, a mass migration of little white bowls had taken place. And Schwarz no longer a master of his actions (if he ever has been) began to mindlessly guzzle bowl after bowl after bowl.

By the tenth bowl, his face was turning purple and by the fifteenth, he was crying. After this flurry of mechanical deglutition and lacrimation had finally ceased and every soup bowl was empty, Schwarz slipped from his seat to the ground under the table with a groan and a thud.

Though the spectacle had been extremely entertaining and sportive, every spectator was incredulous and a bit green. Unspoken but unanimously, we left him where he lie.

 

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114 Responses to “Hearing From Lucini Pavarinni, Part 2”


  1. 1 Hazy December 7, 2013 at 12:56

    Oh, my. I love pumpkin soup, the orange kind. I hope we never get to try the Ruber kind. I kinda doubt pumpkins were in the soup.

    White bowls migrating toward Schwarz – I had an image of white bowls on those conveyor belt thingies they have in sushi houses :D (I’ve never been to one, but I see it from the restaurant window)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke December 7, 2013 at 20:38

      Me too. I’d like to try pumpkin soup. Never had it, you know.

      I got that picture too. Pav is a beast.

      • 3 Hazy December 8, 2013 at 04:28

        It’s pretty good! I have a recipe here somewhere but I haven’t tried cooking one myself.

        Pav is a sly one, isn’t he? A sly, manipulative actor I think.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke December 9, 2013 at 15:03

        I’ll have to try it.

        Definitely manipulative.

  2. 5 technophile9 December 3, 2013 at 16:27

    Poor Schwarz! I don’t quite understand why he would keep drinking though. Out of habit?

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:29

      Maybe, but do you really trust Pav? I’m not sure he’s telling the truth. Perhaps if you and I would go and investigate…

  3. 7 Jackie November 27, 2013 at 22:25

    He lost me at “and those still warming up, but soon-to-be fans nonetheless” – ugh. A little too full of himself for my liking.

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:35

      I agree. (The professor really didn’t write it!) He’s very wicked. Needs a spanking.

      • 9 Jackie November 28, 2013 at 00:40

        I dunno Professor! He might like it.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:13

        :lol: He might!

      • 11 Jackie November 28, 2013 at 15:02

        It’s a disturbing thought.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 18:24

        It’s disheartening! Enjoy your turkey! (I forget what’s it called. The dadblame professorish mind.)

      • 13 Jackie November 28, 2013 at 19:16

        Thanks Professor! I will definitely enjoy my Tofurky with all the fixn’s 8-)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 00:31

        Awesome!

  4. 15 The Dancing Rider November 27, 2013 at 22:19

    Oh, GAG, professor! Ugh! Happy Thanksgiving — hopefully without pumpkin soup!

    I think Ruber was just calling it that. Pumpkin soup doesn’t move and isn’t black!

    I might add that I don’t want to know what was beneath the surface of that soup. Poor Schwarz, being the step-up guy…

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:35

      :lol: Happy Thanksgiving to you too! (Yes, I’d like to skip the soup.)

      That’s what I thought! Probably no pumpkin in it. Maybe molasses?

      Very gentlemanly of him, wasn’t it?

      • 17 The Dancing Rider November 28, 2013 at 14:02

        Oh, of course it was. Poor guy!

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:20

        Yes, yes, a pity.

  5. 19 ladycheetah7 November 27, 2013 at 22:15

    PVJ, Somehow I think you wrote that introduction with me in mind. Hmmm. Anywho..
    Fans?(rolling the eyes) Ackward to say the least and the pontificating was absolutely gag-worthy. Old Pav loves to hear himself talk.

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:34

      But I didn’t write it.

      :lol: You understand him perfectly. He makes the professor gag all the time, too.

  6. 21 Anja November 27, 2013 at 22:01

    I read this while I am making a pumpkin chili….now I am somewhat worried how it will turn out.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:34

      Oh, I’m sure Anja is a good cook. It’ll be scrumptious!

      • 23 Anja November 27, 2013 at 23:49

        Of course I am a good cook…should I come help Ruber?

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:13

        Maybe you should, yes.

      • 25 Anja November 28, 2013 at 14:33

        I would love to help, or rather he assist me but need a food taster to make sure he isn’t playing tricks.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 18:21

        How about devil cat?

      • 27 Anja November 28, 2013 at 20:59

        Diablo can come but he sleeps a lot

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 00:34

        Make him work harder.

      • 29 Anja November 29, 2013 at 00:36

        Have you ever tried to make a cat work harder? Doesn’t really work.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 00:39

        That’s true. Use hot irons.

      • 31 Anja November 29, 2013 at 00:40

        Oh no…I won’t use those on my cat. I do love him.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 00:47

        Yes, that would be a mean thing. Can’t believe you were even thinking about it.

      • 33 Anja November 29, 2013 at 00:48

        Don’t turn the tables :)

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 00:48

        Sorry.

  7. 35 bardictale November 27, 2013 at 21:40

    Oh, this has made me sad. One should enjoy food, not suffer from it.
    Rubber needs some cooking lessons.

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:33

      He sure does. Maybe you could help him?

      • 37 bardictale November 28, 2013 at 06:37

        Sure! Have him come over and we’ll see if we can help him.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:15

        He wouldn’t like that I thought he needed help, though.

      • 39 bardictale November 28, 2013 at 15:46

        Say that it’s a ‘bonus’ course for talented chefs.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 18:25

        Sounds cool.

      • 41 bardictale November 28, 2013 at 18:49

        Let me know then:-)

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 00:30

        He agreed.

      • 43 bardictale November 29, 2013 at 08:08

        Wonderful^^

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 17:18

        The professor is excited!

  8. 45 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 21:25

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:33

      Very nice, but what is it for?

      • 47 Susan P November 28, 2013 at 13:21

        That was yesterday. It’s a new day, a new brain.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:19

        :lol: Don’t I understand that!

      • 49 Susan P November 29, 2013 at 05:49

        Yep.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 17:17

        :D

  9. 51 Sonya Solomonovich November 27, 2013 at 20:23

    This was very punchyish… so violent and inexplicable. I guess Pavarinni had already enlightened Arthur about the soup? Is that why no one was eating? And why didn’t Arthur’s wrath fall upon the hapless Ruber?

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:33

      Yes, it is, for sure. Well, I think Art didn’t like the look of the soup. Would you have tried it? I’m sure it will–unless Art just forgets and forgives. For all we know, the soup could have been tasty.

      • 53 Sonya Solomonovich November 28, 2013 at 01:21

        I don’t think I would have tried it, not with all the bubbling!

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:15

        Definitely would have been scary!

  10. 55 Simply Skeptical November 27, 2013 at 19:00

    This is too hilarious! I was looking forward to what the next course was going to be. Will it be revealed next time?

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:32

      I’m sure. I think the cake comes next.

  11. 57 Jazzy Couldren November 27, 2013 at 18:18

    :}

  12. 58 L. Marie November 27, 2013 at 17:21

    Manothunder, I have to wonder why Schwarz continues to do this to himself. There’s no way I would have touched that soup, let alone 5 bowls of it. Hopefully, someone tossed a pillow to him, since he’s lying on the ground.

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:23

      Not even a little slurp? The professor might have been tempted. I’m sure he used a rock. They can be comfortable, you know.

  13. 60 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:03

    A bit judgmental, what?

    How many servers did Ruber have? I think it is important to know that.

    Okay, I protest. I make pumpkin soup and it dadblame isn’t black. It’s orange.

    I have such a lovely mental picture of white bowls migrating…

    Oh dear. Everyone deserted the hero? It seems like they may have deserted the dessert as well.

    What next, dear Professor?

    • 61 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:04

      I just remember what it reminded me of: summer camp.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 16:26

        A very bad one, then.

      • 63 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:31

        Think like fifth grade. The boys would take all of the condiments and salt and pepper and maybe part of the meal and mixed it all together and dared anyone to consume it.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:19

        Wouldn’t the girls do that?

      • 65 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 21:22

        Fifth grade girls? Boys? They more likely wrinkle their noses and say, ewwwwww!

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:31

        Oh, you’re right. That sounds so…girly!

      • 67 Susan P November 28, 2013 at 13:19

        How soon we forget. ;)

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:17

        Definitely, definitely.

      • 69 Susan P November 29, 2013 at 05:47

        And sometimes, that’s a good thing.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 17:17

        It happens all the time for this professor.

      • 71 Susan P November 29, 2013 at 18:44

        Absentminded sort of thing?

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke November 29, 2013 at 21:37

        Oh yes. Wouldn’t you say the professor is absentminded?

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 16:26

      I should say so indeed!

      He probably had around five–if he functions now the same way as he did back then. But remember, Mortimer has turned his place into a great restaurant.

      I bet it’s awesomely good. Only Ruber could turn something orange into something black, I suppose.

      :lol: So did I! That was some imagery.

      Schwarz, the hero? Oh, they probably will. The cake was probably very scary.

      I’m not sure. Do you suppose they’ll give him gifts?

      • 74 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:30

        They likely won’t think a gift is necessary. After all, they did give him all of their soup.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:19

        Haha, that’s true. And it wasn’t nice at all.

      • 76 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 21:21

        I think I must have lived in the PL in another life – I know them so well. ;)

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:30

        I think so too, which is very cool.

      • 78 Susan P November 28, 2013 at 13:18

        Happy Thanksgiving, Professor, sir.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:17

        Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Tell Harry as well (and your whole family for that matter). :D

  14. 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 27, 2013 at 14:40

    I’m so glad I had coffee for such a fine story today.

    I’m with Arthur, channel being a stone and stare in disbelief. This tale reminds me of college, it seems Schwarz can hang for only so long.

    Pavarinni can tell a story, can’t he… I fear for what happens next, professor.

    Poor Arthur, his birthday on the lawn has turned for the worse. Maybe you should bring out the cake.

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 16:23

      Did you imagine your coffee as pumpkin soup?

      Haha, it does seem like some college dadblamery.

      It’s a brutal tale that he tells, isn’t it? So do I. Since the professor wasn’t there, I can only imagine.

      A Ruber cake can get very dastardly, you know…

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 27, 2013 at 16:41

        No, that’s disgusting.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:22

        Whoops.

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 27, 2013 at 21:20

        :lol:

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:30

        The professor is sorry.

      • 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 27, 2013 at 23:37

        Duke…, you messed with my morning coffee.

        Thank you. (SMIRKS, a lotta a lotta)

        I can’t wait for the cake. Will he use a katana?

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:39

        Good! You should be drinking cherry tea!

        Dadblame, dadblamery dadblameit! Ai de mim.

        Two, possibly.

      • 88 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 27, 2013 at 23:44

        I’ve never had it. Should I try?

        Oh my goodness…filthy! Oooo…

        Two. A gorgeous event…

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:12

        Yes! The professor loves it.

        :D

        Very nice, if Ruber does well at it.

  15. 90 FictionFan November 27, 2013 at 14:21

    Dadblamed dadblamery, dadblameit!! That Pavarinni is clearly another of the many who are jealous of my Schwarzy’s charm and sophistictaion!! How dare he? I bet it was Piggyrinni himself who guzzled all the soup and, out of well-deserved shame, he’s now trying to divert suspicion on an innocent man. Forsooth! Vexatious vilification! The Professor is most right to doubt the truth of this terrible, troublesome tale…

    • 91 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:05

      There there, FF. Schwarz is worth ten of those cowardly sneaks.

      • 92 FictionFan November 27, 2013 at 17:33

        He is! Twenty!! They’re all just jealous…

      • 93 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 17:41

        I couldn’t have put it better myself.

    • 94 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 16:19

      :lol: Really nice! The Punch argot is simply fabulous. In truth, this is true.

      :lol: Piggyrinni…stellar, just stellar. It was before the professor discovered the PL, so I’m not altogether sure about it at all. Forsooth and vexatious vilification–superb. I must add some of these, you know.

      Pav likes to cause trouble. I wonder what Schwarz would have to say about this.

      • 95 FictionFan November 27, 2013 at 17:47

        I’m guessing Schwartzy might say ‘Oh, no, no, no!’ But I bet he’ll get his own back – even DS can’t get the better of him so there’s no chance for the Piggy! Gobsmacked and spifflicated, that’s what he deserves…Zounds! For two pins, I’d challenge him to a duel myself…

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:24

        :lol: Ooo, lovely name calling.

        Does it hurt to get gobsmacked? Two pins?

      • 97 FictionFan November 27, 2013 at 22:34

        It will when he does! Ah, that must be a British expression then…

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 23:36

        :lol: How wicked, but deserved. What’s it mean?

      • 99 FictionFan November 28, 2013 at 00:48

        D’you know, I have no idea! It’s just something we say…it’s kinda like ‘You wouldn’t have to pay me much to get me to do such-and-such a thing…’ Does that help? ;)

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:14

        It does, and I like it lots…

      • 101 Sonya Solomonovich November 28, 2013 at 01:22

        I like his new nickname Piggyrinni! :)

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:15

        :lol: FEF is so creative, isn’t she?

  16. 103 portergirl November 27, 2013 at 14:05

    I wonder what the purple thing was in the soup? It shall be on my mind all day…

    • 104 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:06

      Some things it is better to not know, portergirl. Like not knowing what is coming out of Ruber’s kitchen.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 16:26

        :lol: Susan, you’ve got a point there.

      • 106 portergirl November 28, 2013 at 13:01

        I think you may be right, Susan. Ignorance is bliss!

      • 107 Susan P November 28, 2013 at 13:22

        Exactly! :D

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:20

        :cool:

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:16

        Yes!

    • 110 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 16:12

      It definitely is strange. Any guesses? Perhaps it’s an amphibian.

      • 111 Susan P November 27, 2013 at 16:35

        Or a librarian.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke November 27, 2013 at 20:22

        :lol: That would be ghastly!

      • 113 portergirl November 28, 2013 at 13:02

        Perhaps. Maybe it was still alive at the time of eating!

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke November 28, 2013 at 14:16

        Ooo, what a horrid thought!


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