Hearing from Pavarinni–The Final Tale

Here’s Part 1 and 2.

***

Of the courses, there were only a few judged safe enough to eat by most of the guests.

The Chicken Tetrazzini was among them. I could tell that it was pasty and most undoubtedly a “chicken meal” of some sort, the source of which I held in my pocket.

Throughout the course of the meal, the more frightening dishes were passed under the table to Schwarz from whom occasional muffled dribbling and cooing was elicited. Apparently, to the wonder of us all, he was still alive and consuming.

After the dinner had concluded and all of the postprandial dialogue de sourds had died a way (and what I mean by this is: there is a Punchy proverb that goes something along the lines of, “it’s not hard to be clever when everyone around you is dull to the point of tears.” But in my case its more like this, “it’s extremely hard to be so damned clever when everybody around you is dull to the point of tears.)

Cake was served. It was passable, or in other words it was not lethal. And with Ruber’s cooking one is always grateful for that. Schwarz seemed to want a piece, but since the cake was in high demand, we passed him the candles. Under the table, out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes.

When time came for the presents, there wasn’t much to speak of. After all, what is one going to give the king? Four feet of stature? It seemed sorely needed.

Ruber had taken a seat across from me, now that the need for his services had expired as if he were a guest and was making quite merry. Laughing, drinking, and telling jokes that were in poor taste.

“The gifts are always the disappointing part,” Arthur fretted. “What is there that any of you could give me?”

“Four feet of stature?” I inquired mockingly.

“You…!” the king sputtered.

“Or no! How about this!” I brandished it triumphantly above my head.

Ruber gaped. “You didn’t! Pavarinni, so help me I’ll wring your scrawny neck!”

Arthur’s interest was piqued. “What is it, here here? It’s my gift.”

I tossed him the can.

Ruber was beet red and seemed just a tad bit worried.

Arthur was busy trudging through the ingredients. “…guar gum, naturally sanitized chicken feathers, natural and artificial flavorings…what is this?”

There was a tremulous quality to his voice.

“That,” I loudly replied, “was an ingredient in YOUR dinner! That is the sort of refuse that RUBER,” here I stood and pointed my arm at the offender for added drama and emphases, “puts before a king for a birthday celebration!”

Arthur jumped up in a blind rage. He was shorter standing in his chair than sitting, but nobody pointed it out. Somehow it wasn’t very funny. Ruber was shaking involuntarily.

And then…oh happy stroke of luck!

Schwarz saved the day.

Apparently, while playing with the candles under the table he had somehow set the table itself on fire. It started with the table cloth and the dry table soon followed like kindling. Every person resigned there seat with such speed, that the table was knocked on its side which seemed to provide the flame with even more oxygen.

I rang up Salami.

As you may recall, he was in the fire business then. Unfortunately, he made it too late to save the table. But he was in plenty of time to douse the castle in gasoline. Everybody thought it was water at first. Which was why nobody made a great effort to stop him. But when he started breaking the windows, Arthur’s guards sprang into serious action. Too late apparently, for Salami thrust a match through one of the windows and the whole castle lit up like a birthday cake.

And so, Arthur passed the happiest birthday of his entire existence. Except for the next year. We always try harder to make it more special for the king…next year.

~The End~

 

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137 Responses to “Hearing from Pavarinni–The Final Tale”


  1. 1 Hazy December 8, 2013 at 05:09

    Chicken Tetrazzini *sounds* good… but something in the back of my mind is asking, did the chicken come from a Tetra Pak kind of packaging?

    Oh my. Pav is so theatrical and wicked, though strangely, I’m beginning to kinda like him (as long as he doesn’t hurt the professor).

    Castle doused with gasoline! DS is scary. Poor Art had a disaster of a birthday.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke December 9, 2013 at 15:07

      You know, it could have. The professor personally wouldn’t trust it.

      As long as you stay on his good side, Pav isn’t that bad…

      :lol: I think so. It was rather wicked.

      • 3 Hazy December 27, 2013 at 02:12

        Stay on Pav’s good side, we shall. Or stay away. Whichever keeps us safer. :D

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke December 30, 2013 at 15:05

        Away would be best–unless Weatherly is there.

  2. 5 Painting Pundit December 5, 2013 at 04:06

    That D S sure knows how to be the light of the party!

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke December 5, 2013 at 17:56

      :lol: Literally! He should be put in a cage, I think.

  3. 7 The Dancing Rider December 4, 2013 at 20:57

    DS saves the day! It all really did sound like it needed to go away!

    I must say, Pav is vexingly …. scary!

  4. 8 L. Marie December 4, 2013 at 13:46

    As usual, Daddy Salami comes to the rescue. And this time arson saved the day. Too bad the castle didn’t burn down while dinner was served. Perhaps arson was Daddy Salami’s way of lighting the birthday cake?

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:19

      Maybe it was. But DS just wanted to cause mayhem. I find it interesting that Pav and DS sort of work as a team. Ruber seems to be the odd man out.

    • 10 krugthethinker December 6, 2013 at 02:29

      I thought the same! Castles can be sort of birthday cake shaped, yes? :)

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:19

        Haha, it seems possible, but…

  5. 12 Susan P December 3, 2013 at 22:42

    It seems like someone is trying to make Schwarz look bad. At least His Royal Majesty, Arthur had an exciting birthday. I think I would prefer a quieter one.

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 22:46

      Yes, me too. Definitely not a bd like that. Suppose Schwarz gets angry. That would be interesting.

      • 14 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 01:07

        Yeah. He might say something like, “I don’t get no respect.”

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:17

        That’s exactly what he would say!

  6. 16 Anja December 3, 2013 at 18:29

    Why is everyone hating on Pavarinni? I quite like him.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:32

      You do? Isn’t he unromantic?

      • 18 Anja December 3, 2013 at 22:57

        I do and ummmm not sure about the romantic side.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:10

        Well, at least we know he’s very wicked like me.

      • 20 Anja December 4, 2013 at 22:36

        Oh boy

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 23:26

        Yes, it’s scary, for sure.

      • 22 Anja December 4, 2013 at 23:26

        smh

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 23:28

        Not sure what that means.

      • 24 Anja December 4, 2013 at 23:32

        Shaking my head

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke December 5, 2013 at 17:49

        Oh, that’s sort of neat.

      • 26 Anja December 5, 2013 at 22:52

        Sort of?

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:17

        Yes, only sorta.

  7. 28 ladycheetah7 December 3, 2013 at 17:04

    Pavarinni is a schmuck.

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:30

      You don’t like him either? Is there one PL’er you like?

      • 30 ladycheetah7 December 3, 2013 at 20:24

        It’s a secret.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 22:45

        Huff-Hum!!!

      • 32 ladycheetah7 December 3, 2013 at 22:47

        Don’t be mad.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 22:50

        Don’t I get a hint?

      • 34 ladycheetah7 December 3, 2013 at 23:00

        Nope. Because you always assume I like some characters anyway, so…….that information will remain top secret.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:11

        Dadblameit! Not fair at all, Lady!

      • 36 Jazzy Couldren December 3, 2013 at 20:28

        You like Manliness?

    • 37 Susan P December 3, 2013 at 22:34

      You are so right, m’Lady.

  8. 38 bardictale December 3, 2013 at 17:02

    Oh, that isn’t fair. It was his birthday! Pavarinni isn’t any cleverer than those around him, just mean.

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:30

      Very mean. Wouldn’t you take his head off if you were Art?

      • 40 bardictale December 4, 2013 at 10:25

        First I’d take his hands and nose off. Then, after a day and a half, I’d take his head.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:18

        :lol: Vicious, but we love it. You wouldn’t do that to the professor, would you?

      • 42 bardictale December 4, 2013 at 16:32

        Of course not. The professor hasn’t given me reason to, has he?
        Also, I am not a king.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 18:49

        I hope not! Has he?

      • 44 bardictale December 4, 2013 at 20:23

        I believe I’ve mentioned that I’m not king, and therefore it’s irrelevant.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 21:02

        Would you like to be king?

      • 46 bardictale December 4, 2013 at 21:22

        Not really, no. Would you?

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 21:59

        Wouldn’t it be neat?

      • 48 bardictale December 5, 2013 at 10:17

        Don’t know. Being king is a lot of work.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke December 5, 2013 at 17:56

        Yes, I suppose you’re right. How about prince, then?

      • 50 bardictale December 5, 2013 at 23:56

        If I wasn’t heir to the throne, maybe. It’s still too much in the spot light to my taste.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:18

        Hmmm…the professor likes the spotlight…

      • 52 bardictale December 6, 2013 at 07:11

        Go for it then^^

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 16:15

        Yes, yes!

      • 54 bardictale December 7, 2013 at 15:50

        What shall be your name as king then?

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke December 7, 2013 at 20:42

        P.VJ?

      • 56 bardictale December 7, 2013 at 21:51

        There are no Roman numerals, so…

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke December 9, 2013 at 14:58

        Hmm…true…

      • 58 bardictale December 9, 2013 at 17:11

        How about King P.V.J III?

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke December 9, 2013 at 20:12

        I like the sound of that, don’t you?

      • 60 bardictale December 9, 2013 at 20:16

        All hail King P.V.J III!

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke December 9, 2013 at 20:29

        :D That might go to my head.

      • 62 bardictale December 9, 2013 at 21:21

        You’re king. The crown is heavy enough that it pushes it right back down.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2013 at 14:27

        :lol: Can I skip the crown?

      • 64 bardictale December 10, 2013 at 16:36

        You need something on your head to weigh you down.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2013 at 18:03

        Hair?

      • 66 bardictale December 10, 2013 at 18:15

        No, unless it weighs more than a pound.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2013 at 20:03

        I’m not sure how much it weighs, though.

      • 68 bardictale December 10, 2013 at 20:04

        Probably less than an ounce.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2013 at 20:06

        Oh, it is not, dadblameit!

  9. 70 technophile9 December 3, 2013 at 16:33

    As much as I dislike Pavarinni, he does have some great one liners. :D

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:30

      He does, you’re right. A great villain.

      • 72 Susan P December 3, 2013 at 22:34

        I love me a good villain to hate. :D

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 22:45

        Who’s the worst in the PL?

      • 74 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 01:07

        What are the categories?

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:17

        Everyone?

      • 76 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 14:52

        I will have to think about this. Some are wicked and some are bad and some are both but sneaky about it.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 18:47

        And then there’s the good ones…

      • 78 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 19:20

        And who might they be?

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 19:33

        Mark Malone? The professor?

      • 80 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 20:03

        The Professor doesn’t live in the PL. Mark Malone the football player?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 20:59

        No, there’s one in the PL. He’s a fan of MM. How about Mr. Magi?

      • 82 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 22:01

        Well, I’m sure I don’t want him in charge of my town.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 23:23

        But he’s a responsible chap, I think.

      • 84 Susan P December 5, 2013 at 00:24

        He’s responsible for what?

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke December 5, 2013 at 17:52

        No, he’s the responsible type. You know, always worried and keeping things tidy…if he can.

      • 86 Susan P December 5, 2013 at 19:10

        I wish him all the best.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:07

        Me too.

  10. 88 deanthefish December 3, 2013 at 14:46

    THis is a very touching tale. And I’m glad to see that the chicken is being picked on for once instead of the…. you know.

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:27

      I bet you are, Mr. Fish.

    • 90 Susan P December 3, 2013 at 22:35

      Cool. A sensitive fish.

  11. 91 FictionFan December 3, 2013 at 14:21

    I think J Freedwoppen should investigate this whole story. Since it’s obvious Pompous Pavarinni is telling dadblamed vexing untruths (for we all know my Schwarzy would never behave like that) then we need to be told who is the guilty one. I suspect a conspiracy…

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:27

      You could be right, FEF. Perhaps the professor will go sort matters out. Maybe I’ll interview Mr. Tauptinker.

      • 93 FictionFan December 3, 2013 at 20:04

        Yes, I think you should.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 22:40

        But what if Pav is right?

      • 95 FictionFan December 4, 2013 at 00:16

        He isn’t.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:14

        Well, don’t be too sure.

    • 97 Susan P December 3, 2013 at 22:36

      Hear, hear, FF.

  12. 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 3, 2013 at 14:18

    I don’t even know what to say….ummmm, I like the story? How frightening, professor. The PL has some terrible beasts.

    Poor Arthur…

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 19:26

      Yes, and Pav is forefront among them. Scarier, isn’t he?

      You should be happy, since Art is trying to kill Nappy…

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 3, 2013 at 20:14

        He is scary, you need to get out and see a pit of beauty, professor. You are writing of very scary times.

        You’re killing me off?????????? (Aud, will shut her eyes, make it quick.)

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2013 at 22:44

        But I didn’t write it. Truly I didn’t. (I feel so bad, too. This professor forgot to bleep something out.)

        Never! How dare you suggest such a thing!

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 3, 2013 at 23:34

        ;) Are you going to blame Mr. Warren again? (It’s okay.)

        Ummm, you did? You said Art was going to try and kill Nappy.

        You said I was most like Nappy during the post on Punchy Nature…some of our best stuff , Duke….you don’t remember? Goodness. ;)

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:12

        Such dadblamery! The professor only blames the culpable.

        I did not! You’re like Nappy. Not actually Nappy. And besides, it’s not in your fiery nature just to concede to dying. Tis war!

        Of course I remember!

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 14:52

        :) That’s a good route to take.

        I know. Twas joking, professor. I like getting you all befuddled… :lol:

        Well, actually you kinda did…

        Yes, I agree. I’m not much for the damsel in distress route. I’d have approached the sword coming at me much differently.

        *Continued suspicion* ;) :lol:

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 18:48

        Hmm! Dadblameit! Huff-Hum (and 20 roars, I think)! You shouldn’t befuddle an already befuddled professor.

    • 106 Susan P December 3, 2013 at 22:36

      It were that good, were it, that it left you speechless?

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 3, 2013 at 23:37

        Possibly, Susan. :)

      • 108 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 01:13

        That’s right. Keep them guessing. ;)

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 14:18

        I don’t like guessing.

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 18:56

        Poor guessing professor. Me either… ever heard of the saying..do as I say, not as I do. Seems the professor has…
        :lol: ;)

      • 111 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 19:22

        He’s not poor. Look at how many friends he has.

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 19:24

        Very true, I stand corrected.

      • 113 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 19:54

        :D

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 19:34

        That’s true! Even if they do laugh me to scorn from time to time…

      • 115 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 20:04

        Who does that?

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 21:00

        Everyone, I think.

      • 117 Susan P December 4, 2013 at 22:00

        I’m sorry.

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 23:23

        Well, Susan is sweet though. ;)

      • 119 Susan P December 5, 2013 at 00:23

        Some days she is. Most days, actually.

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke December 5, 2013 at 17:51

        Of course! It’s the professor who’s wicked.

      • 121 Susan P December 5, 2013 at 19:09

        Says who?

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:07

        Me!

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 19:27

        *turns around so his back is towards you*

      • 124 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 19:31

        :D Swivel your chair around. *lip out & puppy dog eyes*

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 19:34

        Hands you a cigar.

      • 126 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 19:40

        cough cough

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 20:58

        And a sputter please…

      • 128 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 21:02

        If you insist. Bluckkkk.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 21:58

        I do!

      • 130 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 22:52

        I can’t believe I agreed to do that.

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2013 at 23:27

        Me neither! :lol:

      • 132 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 4, 2013 at 23:37

        Well stop being wicked. That was gross boy stuff back there…

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke December 5, 2013 at 17:50

        What was? I thought it was Twainish.

      • 134 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 5, 2013 at 20:07

        Well, yeah, it was. Not sure how I could have missed that…

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:14

        Me neither!

      • 136 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 6, 2013 at 04:16

        It was fun though…

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2013 at 04:20

        Of course!


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