Tales and Stories from Manly-Man

I’s don’t quite remember when it all happened, but I was still a fugitive in those days. Not quite my manly self. I’s was walking down the side of the road, hitch-hiking, cause I needed a ride, when this pale blue minivan pulled over.

If I knew the driver like I know him now, I probably wouldn’t have done got in. Not to say I wouldn’t have gotten in now, because I’m manlier. But at that manly state with the knowledge I have now, I would have left.

The driver was Daddy Salami and Ruber was in the passenger seat. I said it was a minivan, but I forgot to mention the condition it was in. It was very rusty and more of a washed out blue than a pale blue. Dents and scratches were all over it.

I’s got in thanking Daddy, cause the fuzzies (police) was after me…and I’s was running from them. So I didn’t done care where I went. Daddy didn’t ask either.

He just said, “Get in, son.” And before I even closed the back sliding door, we was off. I don’t think I liked his driving skills very much at the time. They weren’t exactly refined. Daddy Salami didn’t stop for anyone or anything.

He would zoom around cars or red lights in any way necessary. Through the grass, over curbs, over median strips. It was pretty scary—cause I wasn’t as manly then.

Then I noticed that Ruber had a white fabric suit on his lap. Not the kind of suit you’s thinking of either. After a moment of staring at it, I realized that it was an angel costume.

I’s said to him, “What’s the costume for?” ‘Cause to see a big, ugly, lug like Ruber carrying an angel uniform is a bit strange.

Salami answered me. “He’s goin’ to the Christmas pageant. He’s gonna be an angel.”

Ruber didn’t say anything.

I’s said, “Ain’t he a little too old to be an angel.” The angel costume was way too small for Ruber.

“No, he ain’t.”

And that was all he said so I stopped talkin’ about it. After a little while, he pulled over at a store. He said, “I’m goin’ to get sparkles to finish Ruber’s costume. You both stay here.”

“Sure. Whatever,” Ruber said.

I just nodded.

Salami got out, taking the keys with him. Ruber and I were left alone, and then Ruber told me what was done happening.

“Listen, you’ve gotta help me. A long time ago, Dad, wanted me to go to a Christmas pageant as an angel—I was young then. But we never made it. That doesn’t matter to ‘im. He still tries to get there—year after year.”

“But it’s July.”

“He don’t care. He thinks it’s still running. It was done running years ago!”

“But he done took the keys…”

“You gotta help me, Jazzy. I can’t wear this. It’s a girls costume and it’s ten sizes too small!”

“Hey look, there’s a car over there with the keys in it. We can steal that one.”

Ruber must have been desperate. He agreed without hesitation. We got out of the car and made for the other one. I’s didn’t know how Ruber drove, so I got in the driver’s seat. He got in the passenger’s side.

A man came out of the store screaming that this was his car, but it was too late for the little dude. I started the engine and drove out of the parking lot. The last thing I saw in my mirror, was Daddy Salami coming out of the store carrying a bag.

He dropped it and stared after us.

I thought we was free. But I was wrong.

Moments later, the pale blue minivan was right behind us—he was coming at a ridiculous speed. We had a car, so I’s thought we had an advantage. But I underestimated Salami’s driving.

I floored the gas as I weaved in and out of traffic (I’s a manly driver, cause you know I was a policeman…), but Salami was gaining on us. A long chase ensued and soon Daddy Salami was right next to us, banging into the side of our car.

He was calling out, “Ruber! Get back here!”

Ruber screamed.

I’s suddenly had a bright idea. A manly idea. I rode over the median strip and spun the car around, so that I was going with the oncoming traffic. It was manly.
Salami tried the same maneuver…but unfortunately for him, a tractor-trailer was coming too fast. It slammed into his side and destroyed his van.

We escaped. Or so I thought. Later in the day, Daddy Salami would catch up with us—and it wasn’t very pretty. But that’s the story for now little guys and gals. The saga continues for quite some time… :}

Advertisements

112 Responses to “Tales and Stories from Manly-Man”


  1. 1 Sonya Solomonovich January 25, 2014 at 23:28

    I don’t even know what to say…
    This was a side of Daddy Salami I’ve never seen before.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:46

      Really? Sometimes DS can get mean!

      • 3 Sonya Solomonovich January 27, 2014 at 19:27

        I mean the side where he’s obsessed with sparkly angels and Christmas pageants. I guess it’s more like an extension of his obsession with Ruber.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 20:20

        Definitely. I think he cares about Ruber–overall, I mean.

  2. 5 Jackie January 24, 2014 at 22:29

    That was a punchalicioius ride! Wadda bunch of carayzee guys!

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:43

      That’s for sure, Jackie!

  3. 7 Hazy January 24, 2014 at 08:50

    A lot of action going on in the driving department, eh? Seems like fun! I’ve only driven go karts, and I get a bit scared making turns when driving that fast. :lol:

    I wonder why DS wants to Ruber go the pageant so badly. In a sparkly angel costume. I kinda can understand why Ruber wants to evade him. I probably wouldn’t wear the costume even if it fit well. :lol:

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 15:03

      Really? The professor would love to drive go karts. Never had the opportunity. Fast is fun, though! :D

      :lol: Of course this professor wouldn’t either!

      • 9 Hazy February 13, 2014 at 05:22

        They’re fun! You should try one sometime, I’m sure you’d enjoy it. :) Maybe I should bring one (or two) in the PL, should I get the chance to visit.

        :lol: I can imagine the ridicule we might face if we wore such a thing.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 13, 2014 at 14:43

        Yes, that’d be great!

        But it would be worth it! (Our minds are alike, I think.)

      • 11 Hazy February 23, 2014 at 04:39

        :lol: (So do I, I think)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke February 24, 2014 at 14:46

        :D

  4. 13 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 23, 2014 at 22:02

    Interesting story! Fancy van DS has. I like how fast it goes. Ruber will look nice as an Angel, I think. Red heads make nice Angels.

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:57

      Yes, the speed is great, but the looks are shabby. But what does it matter? Speed is everything!

      Ruber? But don’t you think it would be a bit hideous?

      • 15 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 24, 2014 at 16:57

        Yes, speed would help a lotta and make it down a long curvy road. Thanks :D

        I should just shake my head in agreement, shouldn’t I? Hideous? Yes, professor.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:19

        Are you disagreeing with me? So hard to tell at times, you know.

        Well, depends.

      • 17 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 24, 2014 at 22:38

        I think you disagreed that Ruber would make a nice Angel. Not once considering if it was possible, professor. :lol:

        Depends? That’s the door I was looking for! Not hideous is how I’d like the record to stand.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:44

        :lol: Never did it cross my mind! You’re not serious, are you, Audith? :shock:

        The professor is, though.

      • 19 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 24, 2014 at 22:46

        :lol: Ok. No. But you finally laughed. Make it possible that Ruber would make a nice Angel…dare you! ;)

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke January 25, 2014 at 23:05

        I did!

        But, you know, I can’t control what happens in the PL…I’m just the professor.

      • 21 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 26, 2014 at 00:18

        It’s probably for the best. It was a horrible idea. :)

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:46

        The professor is somewhat relieved!

      • 23 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 24, 2014 at 22:47

        Oh and I refuse to believe that.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke January 25, 2014 at 23:05

        Rats.

      • 25 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 26, 2014 at 00:19

        Lots and lots

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:47

        Yes, that’s right.

  5. 27 Tonia January 23, 2014 at 22:00

    this was a delightful read!! I love how u kept inserting the manly concept. it kept the flow going.

    and those names are positively adorable. Salami and Ruber. :) cute!

    good job!

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:55

      Many thanks, Tonia!

      :) Do you like Salami?

      Thanks!

  6. 29 ladycheetah7 January 23, 2014 at 16:18

    How unfortunate for Ruber. It’s not very manly having a grown man dressed up in an angel outfit for a kiddies pagent, wouldn’t you say?

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:17

      I definitely would. But it means so much to DS…

      • 31 ladycheetah7 January 23, 2014 at 17:40

        Just goes to prove crazy exists.

      • 32 Susan P January 23, 2014 at 18:56

        You didn’t already know that, Lady?

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:45

        I think Punchy’s different than crazy.

      • 34 Susan P January 24, 2014 at 14:51

        How would you describe it?

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 15:10

        I’m not sure. It quite confuses me.

      • 36 Susan P January 24, 2014 at 15:26

        Maybe the Professor needs to find a quiet place and contemplate the situation.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 16:23

        Okay. Punchy is crazy taken to a whole new extreme! How’s that?

      • 38 Susan P January 24, 2014 at 20:41

        Is that even possible? I, for one, would like to see it.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:38

        Of course it is. That’s the PL. If you figure it the way the professor is figuring it.

      • 40 Susan P January 25, 2014 at 15:28

        Ah, but that way lies madness…

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke January 25, 2014 at 23:14

        :lol: I have lost my mind.

      • 42 Susan P January 26, 2014 at 01:56

        If you find it, see if it knows where mine is.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:47

        :lol: OK!

      • 44 Susan P January 27, 2014 at 13:55

        :D

  7. 45 VitaSun January 23, 2014 at 16:07

    Oh my, what a story! :)

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:17

      A bit wild, huh? Do you think DS or Ruber was right?

  8. 47 portergirl January 23, 2014 at 16:05

    Very exciting! I do love Manly Man. And if Ruber is done with the angel costume, I’m sure it would fit me. I think I would look quite fetching in sparkles.

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:16

      :lol: You probably would! You mean you’d go to the pageant with DS?

      • 49 portergirl January 23, 2014 at 17:18

        I might do, you know. Just for the fun of it. I could always make good my escape if DS became… unbearable.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:19

        And MM would probably help you out, too. I know this professor would. :)

      • 51 portergirl January 23, 2014 at 17:22

        Maybe we should all go to the pageant? Then DS can move on once and for all!

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:40

        A great idea!

      • 53 portergirl January 24, 2014 at 14:41

        I’ll fetch my hat!

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 15:08

        And I’ll get mine!

      • 55 Jazzy Couldren January 23, 2014 at 19:07

        I’s glad you liked my story. It’s okay for girls to wear angel costumes…so If you done wants to go…I might go with you. But you know, I’s pretty sure that DS wants Ruby to be the one…

  9. 56 Susan P January 23, 2014 at 15:03

    I think I’ve seen that mini van trolling around my neighborhood. I will alert George Bailey to keep one eye open when he naps by the window..

    Jazzy’s got a gift for writing. WTG, MM. Laws! That was a humdinger!

    • 57 ladycheetah7 January 23, 2014 at 16:21

      I have to agree. The writing was good and his voice carries well.

      • 58 Susan P January 23, 2014 at 18:50

        :D

      • 59 Jazzy Couldren January 23, 2014 at 19:08

        Thanks, dears. I’s didn’t make it through college for nothing… :}

      • 60 ladycheetah7 January 24, 2014 at 17:13

        Your welcome.

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:16

      :lol: Really? The professor would be quite scared if he was you. But George is probably a great lookout.

      Jazzy sure does! A complete humdinger. I bet you feel sorry for DS–almost like Lady always feels bad for Mr. R.

      • 62 Susan P January 23, 2014 at 18:54

        Well, of course I feel sorry for DS, but maybe not for the reason you might think.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:45

        What’s the reason?

      • 64 Susan P January 24, 2014 at 14:51

        I feel sorry for him because he missed out on something special when Ruber was a wee tad.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 15:10

        Do you think Salami regrets it?

      • 66 Susan P January 24, 2014 at 15:26

        Well, put it to you this way: he seems to think he does.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 16:22

        You know, you may have chanced upon something there, Susan. I do wonder if that’s what’s bothering Salami.

      • 68 Susan P January 24, 2014 at 20:40

        Dear Salami. Poor fellow. He’s been the victim of one upmanship. I hope he doesn’t get depressed about it.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:36

        You feel bad for him?

      • 70 Susan P January 25, 2014 at 15:36

        I always feel bad for him…except when I don’t.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke January 25, 2014 at 23:22

        Well, that’s good.

      • 72 Susan P January 26, 2014 at 02:02

        No, that’s bad.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:51

        I don’t think so…

      • 74 Susan P January 27, 2014 at 14:01

        That’s good.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 14:19

        :D

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:37

        It just surprises me.

      • 77 Susan P January 25, 2014 at 15:37

        I didn’t know anything surprised you. Are you sure?

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke January 25, 2014 at 23:22

        Really? Why do you think that? ‘Cause it might be true.

      • 79 Susan P January 26, 2014 at 02:03

        Well, ummm, you never let on if you are surprised. No, strike that. I think some of the PF surprise you from time to time.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:51

        The professor is only surprised when he is.

      • 81 Susan P January 27, 2014 at 14:01

        Which is the best kind of surprise.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 14:20

        Very true.

  10. 83 L. Marie January 23, 2014 at 14:58

    Manly-Man is like Jason Bourne! Hope there’s a trilogy of these stories,

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:15

      The professor loves JB! I’ll ask MM to do a sequel, if you’d like.

      • 85 L. Marie January 24, 2014 at 15:33

        Please do!

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 16:24

        Okay!

  11. 87 The Dancing Rider January 23, 2014 at 14:47

    Wow, that is movie action-sequence worthy for sure. I bet you DS jumped out of that van……

    • 88 ladycheetah7 January 23, 2014 at 16:20

      Too bad DS didn’t get splattered on the window.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:17

        :shock: But you like DS!

      • 90 ladycheetah7 January 23, 2014 at 17:40

        That’s gross.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:42

        It is not!

      • 92 The Dancing Rider January 23, 2014 at 21:12

        Oh but he *never* does! He always manages to survive!

      • 93 ladycheetah7 January 23, 2014 at 21:18

        I know. What a shame.lol.

    • 94 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:14

      And escaped. What do you suppose happened to MM and Ruber later?

      • 95 The Dancing Rider January 23, 2014 at 21:13

        Not sure about MM, but I know Ruber got yelled at and probably beaten to a pulp!

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:52

        Haha. I think you could definitely be right, DR!

  12. 97 FictionFan January 23, 2014 at 14:41

    Poor old sausage! That Ruber is so ungrateful – imagine DS being willing to sew sparkles on and everything! And Ruber yet again tries to kill him! No doubt the Professor will be leaping to Ruber’s defence as usual…

    And as for Manly-Man – well!! DS helps him escape from the police (no doubt he’d been tossing his wife into some handy receptacle again…) and how does he repay him? Pah! I hope the sausage’s revenge is dadblame painful…

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:14

      Ruber didn’t try to kill him! He just ran away like any sensible lad would. Would FEF have run away?

      That’s true. MM was a bit ungrateful. But Ruber and MM are great friends. And DS was being quite wicked.

      • 99 Jazzy Couldren January 23, 2014 at 19:09

        I’s got away… Ruber…he got a wooden spike through his leg…. :}

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:50

        A wooden spike?

      • 101 FictionFan January 23, 2014 at 22:07

        See? I knew the Professor would try to defend that unnatural child! It would never have happened to FEF since she’s is so obviously angelic she doesn’t need a special costume…

        DS was just trying to be a good father – better late than never!

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:58

        That’s true. FEF would make a much better angel than Ruber–at least, on the outside, that is.

        Do you still like DS?

      • 103 FictionFan January 24, 2014 at 18:04

        Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I felt sorry for him in this one, but then I remember that the mysterious disappearance of his wife has never been fully explained (except by the deeply untrustworthy MM1). And now he’s being challenged as evil mastermind of the PL by that young upstart Drake…

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 22:26

        Maybe Zez is the mastermind…or the Veezler.

        What made you dislike poor DS?

      • 105 FictionFan January 25, 2014 at 03:14

        Because I believe he might well have bumped off his wife…and though Ruber’s horrible to him, he’s horrible to Ruber too…plus Schwarzy’s just so much more cute and adorable.

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke January 25, 2014 at 23:10

        :lol: I think you still like him.

      • 107 FictionFan January 26, 2014 at 19:26

        Sometimes…but I’m fickle…

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke January 27, 2014 at 13:53

        I know. :lol:

  13. 109 belsbror January 23, 2014 at 14:17

    They sure had one hell of a ride. :)

    • 110 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2014 at 17:13

      Definitely. Can’t say the professor would have enjoyed it. How about you?

      • 111 belsbror January 24, 2014 at 01:14

        I am Salami, I think. (laughs) I will always be back. :)

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke January 24, 2014 at 14:59

        Haha. You must like Salami!


Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,874 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 115,068 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: