The PL Times
The Official Punchy Lands’ Newspaper
Monday, January 27, 2014
Section A. Punchy Proverbs:
All proverbs—unless otherwise noted—are written by V. Shnodgrate.
(1) Fear is an important emotion—it tells us when something is dangerous.
(2) Without fear, death would occur more frequently.
(3) Fear nothing that is out of your control.
Section B. Something you should know about the professor:
The professor would like to meet Hector of Troy, but I’m not sure he even existed. Did he?
Section C. What the PL’ers have to say:
A short conversation:
SMILES RIOT: Suppose you cry out for help in the night.
THE VEEZLER: Do you know why the Punchy Lands must pay?
RIOT: Crying never brings anyone who cares. I know. I’ve tried.
VEEZLER: It’s because when I was young, I was dipped in tar and stuck to the backside of an angry water buffalo.
RIOT: So, if you cry out in the night, it’s completely useless.
VEEZLER: What makes you think I’ll cry out in the night?
RIOT: The sun is shining.
Section D. Breaking News:
Professor VJ Duke visited England—and it was quite an adventure! More about this trip Thursday.
Fats Henry is throwing a beach party on his island (suspended in the air over England). The funny thing is that there’s no beach.
Section E. Featured Story: Mark Malone
by J. Freedwoppen
Mark Malone—retired secret agent—is running for Mayor of New York City.
“He won’t make it, bud,” Parker said. “He’s too pretty. It’s definitely not a job for a dandy.”
Even though Malone’s past is shady, many believe that he is, in fact, a tough guy.
“Of course he’s tough,” Daddy Salami said. “He was a secret agent, wasn’t he? I’ve tried ta get Ruber ta do that—but he’s rebellious. That’s why I call him Ruber Rubellion! Hehaha!”
“If he wins,” Parker said, “I’ll be an amphibian.”
And in a few months, Bud just may find himself to be an amphibian.
Section F. Ask a PL’er a question:
Any questions for a specific PL’er? Ask here!
Last week, Susan P asked a question, for any PL’er that could answer: What is a Veezler?
Many PL’ers chimed in:
Daddy Salami: He’s no good. I think he wants to kill me baby boy, Ruber.
Mr. Magi: Definitely one to be shunned.
Fats Henry: He holds some kind of grudge against the world—which is really, splendidly stupid!
For more unbiased info, check out The Veezler’s page, here.
Section G. Hearing from the PL Family:
PL family, if you have any questions about the Punchy Lands, characters, or anything Punchy, feel free to comment below.
The Punchy Times principal reporter, J. Freedwoppen, would be more than glad to cover or investigate your query. (Make sure to clearly indicate your question for Mr. Freedwoppen.)