Tales of the Professor—At the Factory of Chocolate

Mortimer Butterfield—the richest man in the PL—has many sweet factories dotted across the land.

The professor was in one, some time last week.

I was shopping for chocolate (too many different types to choose from, muddles the brain) when Fats Henry appeared—not literally, of course.

“Well, P.VJ,” he boomed, “what are you up to?”

“I’m shopping for sweets,” I said.

“Yeah, me too,” Henry returned. “I like sweets.”

“I can tell.”

Henry shot the professor a mean look. “Oh, can you?”

“Have you ever thought about going on a diet?”

Henry scowled. “Diets are for those sad people who hate their fat! I love mine!”

“Hehaha.” Daddy Salami skipped up. “That’s sick, twisted, and sadistic, Fatty.”

“Stay out of this!” Fats Henry turned back towards me. “If you continue to pick on my fat, I’ll smother you with it!”

“Huff-Hum to you, madam,” I said—and I shouldn’t have. But the professor really didn’t give it much thought. In truth, it was a mistake. I think I meant well.

“What?!” Henry roared.

Salami laughed. “Take it like a fat boy, Fatty. Hehaha.”

And that’s when it happened.

Henry swung around and hit Salami in the mouth.

A sudden intake of breath by Salami. “Ya cur-trout!”

Salami jumped on Henry, and the two began to wrestle.

The professor made his getaway—without any sweets, I’m afraid.

Just a picture. This is a shot of one of Daddy Salami’s huts.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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116 Responses to “Tales of the Professor—At the Factory of Chocolate”


  1. 1 xoxosanaz90210 March 9, 2014 at 00:08

    Smother with fat? That is hilarious.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2014 at 21:51

      :lol: And wicked!

  2. 3 Painting Pundit March 7, 2014 at 18:55

    That’s a fight I would have paid to see! But I wouldn’t have left without the chocolate.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 21:23

      Yes, I know. It was a mistake, wasn’t it?

  3. 5 The Reading Girl March 6, 2014 at 23:04

    haha :) this was really good. Love it1

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 13:55

      Many thanks! :D It was unfortunate, wasn’t it?

  4. 7 PorterGirl March 6, 2014 at 15:14

    I do like the hut. A fight in a sweet factory! Well I never! Now I fancy some sweets…

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:04

      Me too. Send some gumdrops, will you?

      • 9 PorterGirl March 6, 2014 at 19:05

        Certainly, right away :D

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:13

        Make them all cherry, too, if you can.

      • 11 PorterGirl March 6, 2014 at 19:14

        Cherry is my favourite too! Very well. I will make this sacrifice for you, my dear Professor

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:14

        Aw! That’s awfully sweet of you…

      • 13 PorterGirl March 6, 2014 at 19:23

        ;)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 13:33

        Humph noodles.

      • 15 PorterGirl March 7, 2014 at 13:37

        I like that phrase. I am going to use it today, if I can. In general conversation :)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 14:03

        Use it for me, now, please. :D

      • 17 PorterGirl March 7, 2014 at 14:06

        Humph noodles! – Head Porter has eaten all of my gumdrops!

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 14:06

        :lol: Humph noodles indeed! We must get you more.

      • 19 PorterGirl March 7, 2014 at 14:07

        I will share my cherry ones with you, of course

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 20:51

        How awfully nice.

  5. 21 Jackie March 6, 2014 at 14:20

    Such a commotion! Geez.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 18:59

      Haha, they both need a paddling, huh?

      • 23 Jackie March 6, 2014 at 19:29

        I don’t think that would help. I say let them fight until they knock each other out!

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 13:33

        You must feel for them a bit?

      • 25 Jackie March 7, 2014 at 13:40

        Nope not at all!

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 14:03

        Oh dear. I think I agree.

  6. 27 Anja March 6, 2014 at 01:22

    I thought you did not like chocolate…

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:41

      Hi Anja! :D Well, you know…how do you remember that? :lol: Rats and a Heifer. I like chocolate covered cashews, that’s it!

  7. 29 Bethy March 5, 2014 at 22:49

    I like this story a lot! It seems especially appropriate after Fat Tuesday! :D But it is also extremely sad because you left without chocolate! Chocolate is so important to everyday existence!

    It’s the first actual fight I’ve ever seen in PL!

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:39

      :lol: Except the professor. You see, I’m so powerful that I can survive without chocolate for weeks at a time! :)

      Who do you suppose won?

      • 31 Bethy March 6, 2014 at 14:10

        Wow. That is impressive. I need some like everyday!

        Erm. I’m not sure. Does it really matter? I mean watching the fight is the fun part. But if I really have to choose probably DS. I’ve seen what he’s capable of and I haven’t read as much about Fats Henry

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 18:58

        :D The professor practices at it…

        Well, some say–in the PL–that Mr. Henry is DS’s older brother, but it’s just a rumor. And you know, rumors can’t be verified.

      • 33 Bethy March 9, 2014 at 21:03

        oh dear not the practice part. Humph hum and a gurgle.

        Well then I will probably change my answer to Mr. Henry. Older brothers tend to be a lot more overbearing.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2014 at 22:00

        :lol: Lovely use of PA!

        I might agree with you.

      • 35 Bethy March 10, 2014 at 13:28

        Just might? :D

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2014 at 17:16

        Well…exactly!

  8. 37 The Dancing Rider March 5, 2014 at 22:03

    Ok, so I was glad Fats let Daddy have it. But no chocolate for the professor?! A crime!

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:35

      Yes, I think so! Do you suppose DS needs to have it a few times a year? I think it’s almost necessary to keep him in line.

      • 39 The Dancing Rider March 6, 2014 at 15:00

        A good slap up side the head is in order off and on for Daddy Salami. I think it might wake him up for about 10 seconds or so, lol. ;-)

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:03

        :lol: Yes, I must agree. The effects wouldn’t last too long. Sometimes, you know, Ruber will fight him.

  9. 41 FictionFan March 5, 2014 at 17:41

    A tragedy!!! You left with no chocolate?? How dreadful! This story is too, too distressing…dreams shattered, hopes destroyed. What kind of chocolate were you going to get?

    Mind you, you don’t deserve chocolate after the terrible way you behaved! Especially just the day after suggesting that FF should go on a diet… :mad:

    I did enjoy seeing DS getting smacked though…

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:20

      Chocolate covered cashews, and then some for you birthday next Tuesday. I was just deciding between all the dadblameries.

      I didn’t say that, did I?

      :lol: I thought you liked him. Henry is always smacking him.

      • 43 FictionFan March 6, 2014 at 01:58

        Oh no! You didn’t manage to get my birthday chocs? This story just gets sadder and sadder…you’ll have to go back, no matter how dangerous…

        Yes, you did, Cheeky Chicky!!

        :lol: Just because I like him doesn’t stop me feeling he’d be improved by the occasional smacking…

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:42

        I will, I will! I wish you’d settle for a teddy bear, or something.

        The professor doesn’t recall. (I’ve wiped it from the memory slots.)

        Is that how you feel about the professor?

      • 45 FictionFan March 6, 2014 at 15:21

        I’ll settle for a red Jaguar then, if that helps…

        (I didn’t know the Professor had memory slots. ;) )

        :lol: I plead the Fifth again!!

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:06

        It does. A beautiful car indeed.

        (I’m like a computer, only I move slow and have no memory.)

        :shock: Ohhhh! You’ve wished to slap me in the past! Five roars.

      • 47 FictionFan March 6, 2014 at 23:29

        Ooh, can’t wait till Tuesday now! ;)

        ( :lol: Perhaps we should reboot you…)

        :lol: I deny it!! And you can’t prove it!!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 13:58

        Rats and a Heifer.

        Yes! I need rebooted often…

        :shock: :shock: I’m…gobsmacked!

      • 49 FictionFan March 7, 2014 at 18:23

        It may be time for a full upgrade of your operating system…

        It wasn’t me!!

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 21:18

        Yes, I think so.

        It was you!!!!

  10. 51 Simply skeptical March 5, 2014 at 16:39

    Over food no; but over fat – now that’s hilarious LOL!!!

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:15

      What about over the professor?

      • 53 Simply skeptical March 5, 2014 at 22:50

        Fight over the professor? Well, absolutely unless he’s the instigator which I know he would never be. All he ever seeks is peace for the PL. The PLer’s should honor him with much regard since he is truly invaluable. Such a dedicated one indeed.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:40

        Oh dear… I’m honored. :) But you’d be surprised. The professor–since he is rather wicked and mean–is an instigator.

  11. 55 Julie Harris March 5, 2014 at 16:24

    Oh, if we only felt the way Fats Henry did about our fat, lol! Too funny :)

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:12

      :lol: Too true! But, he does have a point, doesn’t he?

      • 57 Julie Harris March 5, 2014 at 22:37

        Yes he does- a very good one!

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:39

        I think so, too. We should support him, then.

  12. 59 weggieboy March 5, 2014 at 16:16

    Grrr! Nothing is more upsetting than those candy shop fights that get in the way of working through one’s candy selection process! I hope the boys went home that day and felt like the social outcasts candy shop fighters surely are!

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:22

      Yes, I agree to that! Don’t you think they should have the rule: only one shopper in a candy store at a time?

  13. 61 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 15:47

    Tell you what: if something came between me and my chocolate, I would not have been the one to leave first. I’ve been told that I have a stare that would melt frozen butter. I’m sure it would work on Fats.

    • 62 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 15:55

      And if my coffee is involved . . . you just don’t want to know.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:19

        Isn’t coffee overrated?

      • 64 Julie Harris March 5, 2014 at 16:21

        Coffee is never overrated!!

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:23

        But is there cherry coffee? If not, overrated, I say! Dadblameit.

      • 66 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 20:15

        Never. Even better with chocolate in it.

      • 67 walt walker March 5, 2014 at 17:32

        Not possible to overrate coffee.

      • 68 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 19:57

        True that.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:19

        How about cashews?

      • 70 walt walker March 6, 2014 at 01:08

        Not possible to overrate cashews.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:40

        I agree. :D

      • 72 Susan P March 6, 2014 at 19:37

        But not with chocolate.

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:17

      Goodness! Well… I’d love to see the stare! What an interest. But Henry isn’t too observant, you know.

      • 74 Manly Man (@JazzyCouldren) March 5, 2014 at 17:56

        I thinks everybody should drink eggs.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:21

        Eggs? Do you?

      • 76 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 20:12

        You don’t have to see it – the heat alone melts human flesh.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:35

        :lol: I want that power, too!

      • 78 Susan P March 6, 2014 at 19:52

        I’m warning you…it’s a huge responsibility. I’ve had people tell me how scary I am when I just smile at them.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 13:48

        Ooo…that’s so cool! You’re like Jim, then!

      • 80 Susan P March 7, 2014 at 16:49

        Jim?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 21:06

        Yes, Jim Caviezel. A hero, you know.

      • 82 Susan P March 7, 2014 at 22:13

        A person of interest, I see. My dad’s name was Jim – do you think he is a hero?

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke March 8, 2014 at 20:44

        Doesn’t it look like a professorish thing? Umm…I would say, yes, from what I’ve heard about him.

      • 84 Susan P March 8, 2014 at 21:15

        He was always my hero.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2014 at 21:46

        That’s nice.

      • 86 Susan P March 10, 2014 at 00:37

        :)

      • 87 Manly Man (@JazzyCouldren) March 6, 2014 at 16:23

        :}

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:11

        :)

  14. 89 L. Marie March 5, 2014 at 15:13

    I’m glad someone was finally proactive about Daddy Salami. :-)

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:16

      Henry can be. Do you think that’s what DS needs? A spanking? :D

  15. 91 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2014 at 14:59

    The professor and Salami should be ashamed of themselves.

    Go Henry!! Go!!
    Of course you slip away…

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:16

      The professor? I thought I was rather spicy and stinky–at the same time. Got to count for something.

      You’d vote for him over DS?

      Of course! The fight was getting too intense.

      • 93 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2014 at 16:46

        How so?

        I’m not sure….

        Touché

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:18

        Well…well…you tell me, dadblameit!

        Yeah, I know you’d take Mr. Magi, though.

        Is that a nail spa?

      • 95 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2014 at 21:56

        Maybe I will!! Dadblameit!

        Oh yes, many times over.

        Somewhere…do you frequent them? :)

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 13:34

        Well, good, then. I should force you to do it now.

        Yes, me too. :)

        :shock: :cry: :lol: The professor? How wicked of you, Audith!

      • 97 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 6, 2014 at 14:46

        Oh no…this will never end well.

        I like that about you. :D

        I’m glad you’re smiling, Duketh.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2014 at 19:02

        Well…

        :D

        It’s a girly thing, isn’t it?

      • 99 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 6, 2014 at 19:50

        :lol: Yeah, it is.

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2014 at 13:47

        Good noodles!

      • 101 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 7, 2014 at 17:36

        :)

  16. 102 ladycheetah7 March 5, 2014 at 14:25

    Best line ever from DS, “Take it like a fat boy, Fatty. “

    • 103 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 15:45

      Uh-huh. That was a delicious line.

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:16

        I’m sure it didn’t taste like anything. Humph noodles.

      • 105 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 20:11

        Coffee with chocolate – Yep

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:34

        And cherries and cashews.

      • 107 Susan P March 6, 2014 at 19:51

        Sounds like a great dessert.:)

      • 108 ladycheetah7 March 5, 2014 at 16:34

        I know…lol

      • 109 Susan P March 5, 2014 at 19:59

        :lol:

    • 110 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:14

      :D Do you sympathize with DS or Henry?

      • 111 ladycheetah7 March 5, 2014 at 16:33

        Answer C. None of the above.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:14

        Then, the professor!

  17. 113 Simply skeptical March 5, 2014 at 13:49

    Do physical altercations such as this occur often in the PL? My, my, such violence. Perhaps what may be missing in this crazy land are a few rainbows. Hmm… maybe Fats would have been in better spirits had he been able to feed his fat. Glad the professor was able to get away unscathed; but without his treat.. awwwh.. a definite day ruiner.

    • 114 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 16:14

      Well, the fight was interesting. It was like a gladiatorial show. I didn’t stay long though. You mean you don’t like watching fights? :shock:

      • 115 Simply skeptical March 5, 2014 at 16:40

        Oops put that in the wrong place…..food no; fat funny… (grin)

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2014 at 21:15

        Don’t worry about it. I’m always putting things in the wrong place.


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Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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