Tales of the Professor—Insulted

Ever since Ruber Salami and Mortimer Butterfield formed an alliance (that’s how this professor thinks of it) Ruber’s Catering has blossomed.

In a sense.

What I mean to say is that it seems to be doing well.

It’s a large establishment.

I was there a week ago.

You may have heard that this professor made quite a scene at Ruber’s Catering, and that I refuse to publicly apologize.

Whatever you heard, I’m sure of one thing.

It’s a dadblamed lie!

I’ll tell you exactly what happened.

I was only trying to be sweet—which is a rare thing for me to be. The professor is usually very wicked.

Well, a week ago I went to get a snack at Ruber’s Catering. I ran into Daddy Salami once inside.

“Hey, P.VJ,” Salami said, “what brings you here, ta me son’s food-shack?”

“I’m here to eat, I think.”

“Good reason.” Salami laughed.

I withdrew quickly—any further conversation with Daddy Salami could have proved dangerous—and sat in the small cafeteria-like section of Ruber’s Catering.

And that’s when I was attacked. I thought about fleeing early, but she had me cornered.

The professor was trapped. And it’s a scary feeling.

Amelia sat down across from me.

Now, you must understand something, Punchy Family, I have met Amelia before, and ever since then, this professor has tried to avoid her. This was a sour circumstance indeed.

“Why, professor!” I think she squealed it out. But I’m unsure. “Isn’t it awesomely awesome that I just ran into the awesome professor?”

I winced. And made no reply.

She winked at me. “I know your secret, professor. The one you don’t tell anyone.” Amelia looked smug.

Amelia knew the professor before he became the professor–if that makes sense.

“Now, now,” I said. “No need to bring such things up. I—”

“Why do you keep it a secret, professor?” she asked.

“I have a stellar idea,” I said. “Let’s change the subject.”

Amelia huffed. “Fine.” Then she smiled. “Don’t you think I look stunning?”

No, I didn’t think so.

Not a bit.

Not even a little bits.

I searched for the right words.

The eyes! Yes. The professor has heard that a girl likes being complicated about her eyes. So that’s where I turned my attention. Now to find something nice to say about them.

Her eyes looked to be shielded in some kind of dark substance. And I had a hard time seeing past the hair that grew out henceforth from the eye.

I had to make a guess.

The professor summoned the courage.

“Say something, professor!” She nearly screamed it.

And I said something.

“You’ve got lovely red eyes.”

The world blew up. Or it seemed to.

Amelia left, screaming the whole way. And she reported the incident.

It was really the nicest thing I could think to say.

What do you think, PF? Should the professor apologize?

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199 Responses to “Tales of the Professor—Insulted”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 April 1, 2014 at 01:41

    *Gasp!* Amelia sounds HORRIBLE! Such a person must not be allowed to roam freely! *chases after Amelia with a blunt butter knife, a roll of (clean) toilet paper, and a wicked grin* I will proceed to put her in the Asylum of Evil Cheerleaders!!! X-P

    No, I don’t think you should apologize. :-P
    Incidentally, yesterday I did a skit with my friend Iris (who doesn’t have a blog yet.) She was being a stupid blonde cheerleader, and I was a Tolkienite Elf trying to remain inconspicuous in high school. It ended with the cheerleader revealing that they had joined the Dark Lord Bureaucracy and being promptly stabbed. X-P Unfortunately, we didn’t have a chance to film it… and I don’t have the VideoPress upgrade. :-( Why does it have to cost money! I’m naught but a poor scribbler!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 02:44

      Thanks, so much! The professor needs this. She was wrong, don’t you think? I mean, wasn’t it a nice compliment? I tried, you know.

      That sounds cool! I’d love to see it. You know what, open a YouTube page, upload the vid, and then you can post it free of charge! How’s that?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 April 1, 2014 at 14:15

        Hmmm… I may have to see about that YouTube account, if for nothing more than because I can’t afford the upgrade. :-P
        Yes, she wasn’t very nice. And also oblivious to others’ discomfort. *ties Amelia to a tree with an intricate toilet-paper-and-snake knot* X-D

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 18:31

        Yeah, I’d have to update too. And I’m not into that as of now!

        Now harpoon her! (oh, that was mean of me)

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 April 1, 2014 at 19:47

        *harpoons her with an electrojabber turned on low* Muwahahahahahahah!
        X-P

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 12:25

        *laughs* Man I wanna electrojabber! Coolio.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 April 2, 2014 at 12:32

        *giggles like a naughty Dibbun* X-D

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 13:00

        But what’s a Dibbun?

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 April 2, 2014 at 14:18

        A young Redwaller… do you read Brian Jacques’ works? :-)

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:14

        I have not…should I?

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 April 2, 2014 at 17:43

        They’re good, but the Castaways of the Flying Dutchman trilogy is even better. ;-)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:02

        Wowawee! I fear the professor is behind in reading…

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 April 3, 2014 at 13:55

        There’s only three Castaways books, while I think the Redwalls number around 21, but some people say the Redwalls get repetitive. And most of us say that the earlier ones are the best– the ones that absolutely must be read if you’re reading the series at all are “Redwall,” “Mossflower,” “Mattimeo,” “Salamandastron” “Mariel of Redwall”, “Martin the Warrior” “The Bellmaker” “Triss” “Pearls of Lutra”, and “Taggerung.”

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:54

        Goodness! Wouldn’t that implode my TBR?

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 April 4, 2014 at 12:51

        …TBR? What’s that?

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:30

        To be read…I’m such a slow reader, you know.

      • 17 erinkenobi2893 April 4, 2014 at 14:49

        Oh. I don’t really have that problem. I read the LotR books in nine days flat, and I’ve read Redwalls in one day.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 18:40

        All three???

      • 19 erinkenobi2893 April 4, 2014 at 18:41

        All three LotR books, in nine days in all. (I ripped through them that quick… then again, I’m definitely a tolkienist.)

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 19:09

        I’m so impressed! Which was your favorite?

      • 21 erinkenobi2893 April 5, 2014 at 19:00

        Oh, my. It’s hard to say, since it’s really all one novel. Still… favorite parts… in The Two Towers, at the crossroads when they see the statue of the King with its head thrown down with flowers blooming all over it. “The King has got a crown again–they can not conquer forever!”

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:34

        That is rather cool.

      • 23 erinkenobi2893 April 7, 2014 at 17:15

        I know, right?! :-D

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:32

        Absolutely!

      • 25 erinkenobi2893 April 8, 2014 at 13:03

        X-D

  2. 26 maryamchahine March 27, 2014 at 17:42

    This is definitely intriguing. What secret does Amelia know about the Professor? Something must really be up! I can’t imagine the Professor associating with the likes of a person like Amelia.

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:34

      I know! What should I have done when she came along? I need help here…

      • 28 maryamchahine March 28, 2014 at 16:15

        I don’t know. It was quite a predicament. You have my sympathy. Maybe pretend to be someone else and not the Professor, but someone who looks very much like the Professor. Maybe even a twin brother.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:57

        Now that is a good idea! Can I try it next time?

      • 30 maryamchahine March 29, 2014 at 07:50

        Absolutely! Go for it, Professor : )

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:04

        Okay, then! *smiles like a snail*

  3. 32 British Chick March 24, 2014 at 04:11

    It seems there was much to much screaming going on… compliments are good…honesty is good…you gave an honest compliment (attempt)…what more could she want? ;)

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 13:41

      That’s what I thought! What should I have said, though? I’m sure you know.

      • 34 British Chick March 24, 2014 at 15:12

        How about “what nice jugs you have”

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 19:42

        Don’t you think that might have been worse?

  4. 36 Painting Pundit March 22, 2014 at 03:54

    Well, you might have known there would trouble at anything Ruber connected. It could only be a dangerous place for dangerous people. This Amelia person was definitely looking for trouble. Throwing that remark about secrets out, was not a nice thing to do so she deserved the red eye thing. I think at the next encounter you should just act like nothing ever happened. But be prepared with some better compliments. You could write them down on little notes and pull them out at just the right moment, and read them rather dramatically. Further antagonizing may bring on more trouble from her so make them nice complements.

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 13:08

      That’s very true. But what sort of compliments would work, do you think?

  5. 38 dysfunctional unit March 21, 2014 at 04:22

    Lol-well as you found out giving a lady a compliment about her eyes an indeed be complicated.

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 17:17

      Yes, it was surprising! How do you recommend going about it?

      • 40 dysfunctional unit March 22, 2014 at 04:43

        A compliment r the other thing?

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 13:09

        Yes, yes, a compliment.

  6. 42 L. Marie March 20, 2014 at 12:36

    If I were you, I would watch my back. Amelia sounds like she has one or two screws loose. Maybe you should get into the habit of carrying your katana.

    • 43 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:13

      That’s a really good idea. I’m sure with that beauty swung across my back, I’d scare anyone like that away!

  7. 44 desertdweller29 March 20, 2014 at 01:54

    I have a question unrelated to this awesome woman’s awesome come on… Why does the Professor not capitalize his title and rank of Professor? I think you’ve earned it!

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:16

      Hahaha! You know, what’s the proper thing to do? I’m rather confused by it, to be honest. Should it be capital?

      • 46 desertdweller29 March 20, 2014 at 14:59

        Yes! It’s the only dignified thing to do, Professor. :)

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:32

        Well, I shall do it then, for you! How’s that? The Professor would like to know what he should call you.

  8. 48 Angeline M March 20, 2014 at 01:53

    The Professor is usually wicked???? Like Daddy Salami wicked? Wow…who knew, and so if you are wicked, do what you need to do to shut her up.

    • 49 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:16

      Well, I think a mixture between sweet and wicked. Does that make sense?

      Goodness! Haha, but what would I do? You mean, pop her off?

  9. 50 Amy Pinkrose March 19, 2014 at 22:46

    Now I understand. Aha! The compliment. Well, RED eyes? Not even a little white lie will the Prof Frown tell? I say good for you cause a lie is a lie, little or big. So there.

    You better watch out of this Amelia person. She sounds crackers to me.

    • 51 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:52

      Yes, I think she is! What should I do about it?

      • 52 Amy Pinkrose March 19, 2014 at 22:55

        Hmmm….can you avoid her? As best as you can? Or if this is not possible, make sure you wear a bullet proof vest. I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. She is loony bins. I see these things you know. I just know. Respectfully, LadyP

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 00:45

        Well, LadyP, I’ll listen to you. The professor is unsure in these things, you know. What would you do to her?

      • 54 Amy Pinkrose March 20, 2014 at 01:20

        Nothing, I think she may be passive-aggressive. Also a bully. And you don’t want to her to see red to match her eyes. I would be cordial, distant though, as if you were preoccupied. Hmmm……This is quite a case. She could blow for no obvious reason. Gosh. I really don’t know. Or maybe I do.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:13

        You’ve probably got a better idea than the professor. I’ll give her your phone number, and you tell her off!

      • 56 Amy Pinkrose March 20, 2014 at 14:41

        You give her my phone number and I will never speak to you again!

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:30

        Oh, good gracious, no! I shan’t give it to you, LadyP! Apologies! So many, in fact, I won’t say them. Is that better?

      • 58 Amy Pinkrose March 20, 2014 at 23:16

        Much. Now I know I will have the delight in speaking with you. Nice. :-)

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 02:18

        Why will you have delight?

      • 60 Amy Pinkrose March 21, 2014 at 12:50

        Because you are a delight. Grumpy and all. Yep!!!

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 17:24

        Aw, thanks! But the professor isn’t grumpy!

      • 62 Amy Pinkrose March 21, 2014 at 17:29

        Grouchy??

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 17:37

        Never!

      • 64 Amy Pinkrose March 21, 2014 at 17:48

        Never is a very long time. Are you sure?

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2014 at 00:56

        I’m not sure. What do you say?

      • 66 Amy Pinkrose March 22, 2014 at 01:22

        Plew? Dhat? Drule? *scratching head*

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2014 at 01:24

        Huff noodles!

      • 68 Amy Pinkrose March 22, 2014 at 01:26

        Trufl waulfe. So there!

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 12:54

        I think that’s german for, “The professor is wicked.”

      • 70 Amy Pinkrose March 24, 2014 at 15:40

        Yes, he is! Now I see! Hurrumph!

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 19:44

        That last word is a good one.

      • 72 Amy Pinkrose March 24, 2014 at 19:50

        But it always is. It’s deliberately planned that way.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 20:04

        What can I say?

      • 74 Amy Pinkrose March 24, 2014 at 20:07

        *arms crossed* Nothing. Not A thing.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 01:43

        I’m stuck now.

      • 76 Amy Pinkrose March 25, 2014 at 01:44

        No you are not! I won’t have it! Blummery! NO!

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 02:09

        Then, get me a rope, please.

      • 78 Amy Pinkrose March 25, 2014 at 02:16

        Fresh out. Will embroidery floss do?

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 13:26

        What tis it?

      • 80 Amy Pinkrose March 25, 2014 at 17:24

        Gee, it is a plane, a drone, no it is Superman!

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 19:48

        It’s the professor!

      • 82 Amy Pinkrose March 25, 2014 at 20:46

        I don’t see him. What happened? Who grabbed him?

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 00:12

        Grabbed who?

      • 84 Amy Pinkrose March 26, 2014 at 00:25

        Moi? En tu?

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 00:31

        What’s it mean, LadyP?

      • 86 Amy Pinkrose March 26, 2014 at 01:03

        It means the world is upside down and what you think is up, is really down.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:14

        I thought as much… Oh dear.

      • 88 Amy Pinkrose March 26, 2014 at 01:12

        PROF!!! I seem to be having trivial dubious troubles with WP again. POUT! I cannot post on you fishie post! WP is not allowing me. Sadly disappointed, LadyP

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:16

        Oh dear no! Is it better now?

      • 90 Amy Pinkrose March 26, 2014 at 21:06

        Oh, yes, much thank you so much for asking.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:11

        Goodeth good!

      • 92 Amy Pinkrose March 27, 2014 at 14:18

        Hmmm…..Goodeth??? Have we morphed back to the Victorian Era?

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:29

        The professorish era!

      • 94 Amy Pinkrose March 27, 2014 at 14:44

        Ah, so the Professor has an ERA all to himself! Why, how glorious indeed!

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:22

        Oh dear. Now what?

      • 96 Amy Pinkrose March 27, 2014 at 23:33

        You are the Professor. You tell me. I dunno.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:57

        The professor only knows a bit, bits, and little bits. The professor knows nothing; siz, he knows absolutely nothing.

      • 98 Amy Pinkrose March 28, 2014 at 00:08

        Who’s writing this. This cannot be the Professor for he is very smart. He owns a tophat!

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:24

        It is the professor! Why wouldn’t it be?

  10. 100 Linda Arthur Tejera March 19, 2014 at 21:52

    Never apologize for telling the truth! It was the truth, wasn’t it? She really does have red eyes, right? Lovely?

    • 101 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:51

      Well, I couldn’t tell under all the stuff on her eyes. It was a guess. I thought a woman might like to have red eyes. Was I wrong?

      • 102 Linda Arthur Tejera March 20, 2014 at 00:55

        Well, unless it’s some kind of flashy night eye shadow, my eyes are only red when I’ve been crying. ;)

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:11

        Oh! No wonder she was insulted. Hmm…I’ll keep this in mind. Next time, I’ll guess blue. That’ll have to be better.

  11. 104 The Dancing Rider March 19, 2014 at 21:05

    Nah, no apology would work in this situation. It would just go on, and on. And on. This A could mean trouble for the professor from now on out.

    I think A is oversensitive. Who wouldn’t want red eyes? And if one had them, undoubtedly they would be lovely! :)

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:50

      Yes, they would be, DR! Thanks for sticking up for the professor. Do you think she’ll be back to cause me trouble?

      • 106 The Dancing Rider March 19, 2014 at 23:02

        I don’t know if A will make a special trip back, but you can be assured that her memory will be quite long. And anytime she is at a place where you are, look out!

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 00:46

        I think the professor will run or hide!

  12. 108 Julie Harris March 19, 2014 at 21:04

    I would be concerned that your secret would get out now. Is she vindictive?

    • 109 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:50

      Yes. Very much so. Ooo, do you think she might tell?

  13. 110 Debbie March 19, 2014 at 18:12

    Oh, dear. To be attacked for saying something nice must be frustrating. At least you were *trying* to be nice. It’s hardly your fault that she didn’t see it that way. And besides, nobody should go fishing for a compliment!

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:49

      Yes, yes! So that’s that, then. She doesn’t deserve an apology. And it was a nice compliment. Should I just ignore her now?

      • 112 Debbie March 19, 2014 at 23:15

        Something tells me she’s not the kind of person who CAN be ignored! But, it’s worth a try. After all, people who can’t accept compliments (even the back-handed kind!) probably aren’t people the Professor wants to know?!

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 00:47

        Very true. The professor doesn’t want to know her. Then, there will be another confrontation eventually?

  14. 114 Susan P March 19, 2014 at 17:41

    “girl likes being complicated about her eyes”

    Huh? My eyes are NOT complicated. Why does a girl want to be complicated about her eyes? Huh? Last time I checked mine were hazel.

    Don’t apologize. Unless you want to encourage her.

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:49

      Dadblameit, dadblamery, malediction! I meant “complemented”. Wasn’t it a nice compliment?

      • 116 Susan P March 20, 2014 at 15:52

        Welllll, did you mean complemented or complimented? They are two different words and don’t mean the same thing if you know what I mean.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:41

        Man I got it wrong again! Susan, hide your eyes. I do apologize. I mean the one with the ‘i’.

      • 118 Susan P March 20, 2014 at 23:27

        I thought you did it on purpose to make me smile. Now I will have to *pout*

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 02:28

        No pouting! The professor doesn’t do it.

      • 120 Susan P March 22, 2014 at 20:30

        I seldom pout. I don’t like manipulators and pouting is about the same thing as manipulation.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 13:30

        I wonder if the professor is a manipulator…

      • 122 Susan P March 24, 2014 at 16:44

        I suspect not. Not but what anyone can’t manipulate. We all have it within us. But I suspect that the Professor is more apt to deliver what he has to say and deliver it in a forthcoming manner.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 19:58

        Yes, yes! At least I hope so. I like that forthcoming word.

      • 124 Susan P March 24, 2014 at 20:32

        :D

  15. 125 ladycheetah7 March 19, 2014 at 17:31

    Well, I am sure there are three sides to this story. Your side, her side, and what really happened. Although I would like to hear Amelia’s side I believe her words are sufficient to draw a conclusion, provided they were accurately captured.
    Amelia is a flirtatious manipulator who suffers from a bad case of low self esteem. Anytime someone has to ask for a compliment is a sure sign they have personal issues of acceptance. Also, it is clear she has a thing for you otherwise she would not have approached you; however, whatever secret she knows about you (be it good or bad I don’t know) she uses it to her advantage and that is not right. You know some people try to make you like them even when they clearly ignore the obvious, ie your apparent dislike for her. She must be experiencing a dissociative break from reality….
    The answer (I think) to end this social drama is to come out with the truth. That wat she will not be able to hold it against you.

    • 126 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:48

      But couldn’t she just like to aggravate me, too? Or do you suppose not? Lady, you have nailed her character, for sure. I mean, the compliment was nice, too. She just took it the wrong way. The truth…but I already said the truth! I hope she doesn’t threaten me.

  16. 127 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 19, 2014 at 15:55

    First of all, she approached you because she thinks you’re cute. Ask her out. Second, I want red eyes. I think they may go with my hair. Third, you tried, so good job.

    (Amelia is my protagonist’s name….)

    • 128 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:33

      Oh no. She did? How do you know, Audith? (Where would I take her?)

      Yes, I thought red eyes would be nice, too. I think you would have liked that compliment had I paid it to you.

      (Really? Now that is cool… I can’t wait until you tell me more about it.)

      • 129 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 19, 2014 at 23:18

        Yes, I think I understand women pretty good. (I have no idea. I don’t know her, or what she likes, but maybe for dinner.)

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 00:47

        Maybe for a training swordfight?

      • 131 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2014 at 02:05

        Are you just trying to make me jealous? It will work, you know. Amelia doesn’t get a lesson first, Duke. …. Wait. There could be a chance that someone else has already had lessons. Good grief. ..

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:21

        No one’s had lessons yet–not even the professor! Would you like lessons, Audith? I’d probably show you the quickest way to die in a sword fight. Of course, though, since I’m like Hector I’m probably rather good.

      • 133 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2014 at 13:44

        Yes, although I did have lessons in using a hand gun here in Texas and I was pitiful at it. I felt way too out of control with the kind of power. It weakened me instantly. I don’t know how anyone shoots them. I guess I felt like I shoukd understand guns better.

        Yet? So Amelia may enjoy it? You would show me how to die first? Well, that actually works to my advantage, doesn’t it? I’ll know what to look for when you come at me. I have a feeling you’ve never had lessons, because it came naturally for you in the beginning, Duke. I do believe you are very good at it. 100%

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:23

        Good for you for shooting one, Audith! That’s awesome. When I shoot the professorish shotgun…man, does that thing kick! I need to work more with handguns, actually. (Ladies are supposed to be jumpy with guns, I think.)

        *shock* What a nice thing for you to say, Audith! The professor doesn’t like Amelia at all. She’s not anything close to a lady. You are a lady. You win, you see. The professor is trying to get his boxing partner to duel with swords. We’ll see!

      • 135 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 21, 2014 at 00:17

        Yes they kick hard. My brother used to force me to shoot his shotguns growing up. I think it is why I get nervous now. They say shotguns have gotten better, but I stay clear. Ouch!! (Thanks for getting me off the hook. Texas women shoot guns well in TX..so I feel very girly.)

        :D Do you see me blushing? She does seem a bit snotty and to threaten the professor with her knowledge of him is not much of a lady, I agree. I win?! I didn’t even get to fight. Not even little bits…

        Now, I would like to see the professor box! You offered that up all on your own…just look at you, Duketh. ;)

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 02:40

        Wowawee! That’s awesome that you’ve used a shotgun. I’m proud. (Which is fine.)

        I’ll hide. You don’t need to fight. The professor wouldn’t run from Audith, that’s for sure.

        The professor isn’t that good. It’s good for the cardiovascular system.

      • 137 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 21, 2014 at 02:54

        Thanks..but it wasn’t pretty I assure you. (I guess)

        Haha. Good :)

        Yes, I’ve heard this…

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 17:09

        The professor isn’t either.

        *smiley*

        Yes, it’s true.

      • 139 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 21, 2014 at 19:37

        Not this fight again?…

        Truer than true and it helps to calm the frustrating points of the day.

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2014 at 01:04

        Especially when you want to hit your opponent!

      • 141 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 22, 2014 at 03:09

        Yikes

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 13:06

        *smiles*

      • 143 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 19, 2014 at 23:20

        Oh, and this girl doesn’t let anyone see her eyes, so you’d never have the opportunity. :)
        (Yea)

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 00:48

        And why is that?

        (So, secretive! Learn from the professor: he’s not secretive about anything!)

      • 145 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2014 at 02:10

        Hmmm. Well, honestly? I’m shy, but also because eyes happen to be a huge thing for me. Romantically speaking, so I take it very serious. Eyes tell someone everything…especially mine. I’m an open book after that happens.
        (You know….. :lol: Nothing!! Talk about an open book!) :roll:

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:22

        Interesting! I’ll have to go look in the mirror now and see what my eyes tell me. I’ll probably find a deep well of dadblamery. You know, the professor never knew eyes were so important.

        (Yes, I am an open book. Always answering every and any question.)

      • 147 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2014 at 13:46

        Wouldn’t we all, Duketh. I find that very beautiful. Yes, very important, to this lady anyway. Eyes tell me the good and the bad instantly. They never lie. I like that.

        (Okay. I will ask. Do you play in a band?)

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:27

        Yes, I see your point. The professor rarely gets close enough to see someone’s eyes, though. But I believe what you’re saying. And I like it lots too. It would be neat to be another person and look into your own eyes…

        (Yes! The professor learned to read music before he learned how to read, believe it or not.)

      • 149 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 21, 2014 at 00:59

        I make lots of eye contact and it typically disturbs people I’m talking to…An interesting idea, Duke. I’m not sure I’d look into mine.

        (Wow. Very cool!! I actually believe it. Doesn’t surprise me at all. See…smarter than, Audrey. :) )

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 02:42

        Me too! I always look in the eyes, and everyone always looks away. So then I look away so they don’t feel uncomfortable. Yeah, not sure I’d look into mine either…might be wickedness in there.

        (Not at all! Rather dull in comparison actually. The professor loves music.)

      • 151 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 21, 2014 at 02:57

        Me too! Why do they do that, Duke. I know why… oh well. :) Wickedness, truth and real feelings which are all terrifying. In my opinion.

        (Me too. Lots of different kinds. I’m not picky.)

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 17:10

        We’re probing them and they don’t like it! Yes, it can be terrifying.

        (I know! And I love that about you.)

      • 153 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 21, 2014 at 19:34

        Yes, as I suspected. Definitely.

        (Blushes, again. Stop.)

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2014 at 01:03

        Definitely so!

        (So many apologies I won’t begin to say them.)

      • 155 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 22, 2014 at 03:08

        Pfft!
        (Why so many?)

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 13:06

        Maybe it helps me seem sorry?

      • 157 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2014 at 15:45

        Maybe you shouldn’t be sorry.

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2014 at 19:46

        If you’re sure…

      • 159 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2014 at 21:34

        I’m sure!

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 01:57

        Well okay!

      • 161 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 25, 2014 at 03:55

        No need to shout, Duke. You’ll wake the neighbors.

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 13:43

        The professor lives in a desert.

      • 163 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 25, 2014 at 14:05

        So that’s why you catch lizards so well! A desert is lonely…

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2014 at 19:40

        Yes, it is.

      • 165 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 25, 2014 at 20:42

        You shouldn’t live in a desert.

      • 166 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 00:11

        And why not?

      • 167 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 26, 2014 at 00:41

        Because it is hot and there isn’t enough water for a fish like you.

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:13

        lol lol I am not a fish–I’m a shark!

      • 169 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 26, 2014 at 23:40

        Shark…fish…whatever. ;) lol

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:20

        Haha!

      • 171 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 27, 2014 at 17:39

        :)

  17. 172 Simply Skeptical March 19, 2014 at 15:33

    Dear professor I do believe women enjoy complements period. Whether that be complicated or not is another matter and I cannot say since I am one. Definitely do not apologize; none is needed. Amelia sounds like a real in your face irritant. As for your secret…any hints on the horizon?? :-)

    • 173 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:22

      Oh, the secret is unimpressive. Besides I know you don’t want to know. She is an irritant! Do you suppose you could take care of her for me?

      • 174 Simply Skeptical March 20, 2014 at 13:23

        Oh my no! She seems compulsive in nature and that’s scary to me. No sense in the head. Don’t apologize just run when she’s in view if you can. If you can’t appease her with sweet nothings and then run…fast!!

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:15

        Maybe I should just chop her head off with the katana!

  18. 176 Jackie March 19, 2014 at 15:21

    That was not an attack! Obviously you don’t like her but I’d apologize anyway just to make sure she doesn’t get mad enough to reveal that secret she knows. She strikes me as a little unstable – I’d tread carefully if I were you.

    • 177 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:21

      Do you think I should have been nicer, then? She seemed bent on war. But you’re right about the other part. I don’t want her talking.

      • 178 Jackie March 20, 2014 at 03:23

        I think you should have suddenly remembered an appointment you had to get to and made a mad dash out the door!

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:22

        Jackie, that’s brilliant. Now why didn’t I think of that?

  19. 180 walt walker March 19, 2014 at 14:46

    What a great tale, Professor! I’m afraid I cannot offer up any helpful wisdom, because I am terrible in such situations, or so my wife tells me, and I’ve no reason to doubt her, plus I’ve got my own experience to confirm it. But you know where I stand on apologies!

    • 181 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:20

      Thank you, Walt! Haha. Yes, yes, I shan’t apologize. Wouldn’t you think red eyes was a compliment, though? I’d take it as one, for sure.

      • 182 walt walker March 20, 2014 at 01:17

        Of course! Isn’t that what they called Sinatra? Old Red Eyes?

      • 183 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 12:12

        *laughing* Haha! Exactly. Walt, you really help me out. Thanks.

  20. 184 FictionFan March 19, 2014 at 14:02

    Yes, the Professor most certainly should apologise! The poor girl clearly idolises the Professor (showing that she has impeccable taste) and therefore would have been deeply, deeply hurt. Wicked Professor! Not just an apology, but flowers and chocolate would be appropriate – lots and lots of chocolate!

    I hope you didn’t have the fish…though you probably deserve a Ruber special for your naughtiness!

    • 185 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 14:14

      But she attacked me! (I think.) Personally, I’d like to have red eyes. The more I think about it, the more I think how wonderful the compliment really is… And if I did all that for her…imagine what she might do in return! I’d never be free… Have I won you over?

      :shock: You want me dead on top of things… Dear me…

      • 186 FictionFan March 19, 2014 at 15:55

        She didn’t attack you – she was just flirting. She sounds lovely – it’s so nice of her to keep the Professor’s guilty secret (is the secret that the Professor likes to read Jane Austen novels when he thinks nobody’s looking?). Don’t rats have red eyes?

        Not dead!! But perhaps a mild tummy upset might be poetic justice… ;)

      • 187 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:31

        I thought my compliment back was rather nice, too. The professor was just trying to be nice, you know. Red eyes are cool, methinks.

        (No the secret isn’t much of one at all. She was just spitting out words.)

        Rats… Only the evil ones!

        That’s very mean. Now if it was a man, I’m sure we’d have gotten on just fine.

    • 188 Jazzy Couldren March 19, 2014 at 15:03

      He should have just given her two beautiful black eyes… :}

      • 189 FictionFan March 19, 2014 at 15:55

        Tchah! The Professor would never do such a thing! He’s far too manly…

      • 190 Jazzy Couldren March 19, 2014 at 17:06

        Hey, Manly men know how to deal with attacks. :} I’s a mean dude, people should stay away from me.

      • 191 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:40

        You’re nice to the professor.

  21. 192 PorterGirl March 19, 2014 at 13:44

    I see no reason to apologise, Professor. You are correct that ladies like to be complimented on their eyes, and the compliment was executed rather well. Although, if she didn’t have red eyes, the compliment was only half good. You should be wary of upsetting a woman who knows secrets about you, though! They have a tendency to reveal such things if they are scorned!

    Glad to hear the Ruber’s Catering is doing well. I wouldn’t want to eat there, but I suspect that the Punchies have a stronger constitution than I.

    • 193 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 14:12

      :D That’s really true. I should make sure she won’t tell anyone. You know, if someone complimented me on my red eyes, I’d kinda like it. Wouldn’t you? And a half good compliment is better than a whole bad one, I think.

      Oh, you’d love it! It’s better now, you know.

      • 194 PorterGirl March 19, 2014 at 14:20

        Maybe I should pop along for a snack, eating is my favourite thing :)

        I’d be very happy to receive the red eye compliment, but your friend is obviously quite sensitive and unstable. Keep her on your good side, Professor, she sounds like trouble

      • 195 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2014 at 22:18

        Eating is such dadblame fun. I wish it wasn’t, don’t you?

        Yes, she does. Should I pop her off?

      • 196 PorterGirl March 20, 2014 at 12:27

        Maybe you should, to be on the safe side. Or, send Smiles Riot to have a word with her. She will behave then!

        I went to an all you can eat Chinese place last night. It was just incredible. They practically had to throw me out. I am like a little hippo today!

      • 197 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2014 at 22:12

        That’s a great idea. Just send Mr. Cousin. That’ll fetch her!

        *two laughing smileys* You’re hilarious, Lucy. I love Chinese food. I’m sure you’re not like a hippo! Just get down and do 40 pushups!

      • 198 PorterGirl March 21, 2014 at 12:41

        40 pushups? Pah! That would only make me even more hungry!

      • 199 Professor VJ Duke March 21, 2014 at 17:20

        That’s true…but it will build muscle!


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