Ripping Book Review—So Big

WARNING: Ripping Book Reviews are solely the judgments of Professor VJ Duke on an unlucky book that has caused him much repulsion—in one way or another. Therefore, blame must be put on the author and nobody else. With that in mind, read on—if you are brave enough to take it.

SO BIG by EDNA FERBER

In truth, the professor wasn’t going to rip this book. In truth this is true.

But, as fate would have it, I opened the dadblame thing, and this is the first sentence I read:

The girl put her dollar plumply back into her purse.

A new perspective was born.

Immediately.

And it was born with some repulsion.

I must admit, the professor is still trying to work out how a dollar could be placed plumply anywhere.

Perhaps it’s—oh, rats and a heifer! We all know it’s dadblamery!

Moving on.

The story follows Selina Peake DeJong, which is an interest—and not only because of the name. You see, the book is named after her kid, Dirk.

Apparently, Selina would torture the young Dirk with the questions, “How big is baby? How big is my man?”

To which the boy would reply, “So-o-o-o big!”

It was a trap. And Sobig became Dirk’s nickname. And he hated it eventually.

Rather a silly way to go about naming a book, I think.

Nothing much happens in the novel—which is a supreme wonder. The book is too thick to pull that sort of trick. Plus, it’s a low-down sort of trick.

In fact, after reading the novel, the professor would have rather followed Dirk’s life. It would have been much more interesting than Selina’s.

I think.

I hope.

I’m not sure.

Now, here is an interest [quoted from the novel]:

It was after reading “Pride and Prejudice” that she [Selina] decided to be the Jane Austen of her time. She became very mysterious and enjoyed a brief period of unpopularity at Miss Fister’s owing to her veiled allusions to her “work”; and an annoying way of smiling to herself and tapping a ruminative toe as though engaged in visions far too exquisite for the common eye.

You see, at first the professor thought that Selina meant she wanted to be an author—like Jane Austen presumably was. (There’s much debate on that subject.)

But the professor was in error.

Selina wanted to be like Jane Austen by copying her attitude!

It makes perfect sense.

For instance, after deciding to be the Jane Austen of her time, Selina did the following:

(1) She became mysterious. (Had she decided to take up the pen, Selina would most definitely have written something quite akin to—and disturbingly similar to—Austen Obscurity.)

(2) She enjoyed a brief period of unpopularity. (Jane Austen enjoyed such things all the time.)

(3) And we learn something new about Jane Austen. She apparently had an annoying habit of tapping a ruminative toe as if engaged in visions far too exquisite for the common person. (How one can have a ruminative—deeply thinking—toe is beyond the professor. It’s a bummer.) Maybe her visions had to do with Darby [i.e. Darcy]. In that case, it’s not wonder she kept it a secret.

I fear that was the most enjoyable part of the novel. The book does prattle on for a good long while.

Longer than necessary.

And longer than what is fair.

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244 Responses to “Ripping Book Review—So Big”


  1. 1 The Reading Girl April 1, 2014 at 23:02

    AWESOME book review :) you are better than me. And what a bummer that you read this book :/

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 12:48

      Many thanks! *the professor smiles as big as the moon* I am not better than you! I just rip books in a dull fashion. Would you like to hunt for treasure?

      • 3 The Reading Girl April 2, 2014 at 21:58

        hmm I would think so. Yazmin likes to hunt for treasure :) haha

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:18

        *laughing* That’s lovely when you speak in third person… Should we go together?

      • 5 The Reading Girl April 5, 2014 at 21:07

        haha :) yes. where to?

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:35

        That’s the spirit! (Have you heard the professor’s voice?)

      • 7 The Reading Girl April 7, 2014 at 21:16

        if you mean by the one’s you show in your videos then I guess yes…or is that a computer voice?

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 02:03

        No, that’s the professor’s. *smiles*

      • 9 The Reading Girl April 2, 2014 at 21:58

        hmm I would think so. Yazmin likes to hunt for treasure :) haha

  2. 10 lifeconfusions March 29, 2014 at 14:12

    You totally had me on the name, “So Big”, uhemm…I think we all got the idea !

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:30

      Definitely! Don’t read this one–unless you’d like to be vexed.

  3. 12 maryamchahine March 27, 2014 at 18:04

    I usually read your posts in order, but I had to hop over right away when I saw Jane Austen in the tags for this post. Do I detect in the Professor an air of disrespect for the great Jane Austen? No one can imitate Jane Austen including this author. Although the Professor tried to bring Jane Austen a bit, he has failed miserably ;D Jane Austen is completely untouchable, even for this Professor :D

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:37

      *shock* It is true! The professor is at war with Austen. Don’t you think I do a good job of defeating her? Are you a fan?

      • 14 maryamchahine March 28, 2014 at 16:20

        War? Hmmm….does that mean the Professor secretly likes Jane Austen? I think it does ;D I’m a big fan of Jane. Even more so of Charlotte Bronte.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:57

        No! Wowawee no! I declared war on her. It’s my job to rip her! :) Really? But how?

      • 16 maryamchahine March 29, 2014 at 08:13

        Well, it seems that Jane has got the Professor’s attention enough to write about her toes ;)

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:05

        *shock* But I was ripping it…isn’t there a difference? *fervently hoping*

      • 18 maryamchahine March 31, 2014 at 15:54

        I’ll keep my thoughts to myself. Rest assured that I won’t bug you about it further. However, I will be keeping a more careful eye to see if I can find further clues ;D

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:47

        Don’t worry about bugging the professor! I’m so open and honest about things. Just ask. But definitely keep an eye open! There’s always dadblamery afoot.

  4. 20 Angeline M March 27, 2014 at 15:54

    I’ve long heard of this book and thought I was amiss in not having read it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this review! You’ve saved me from…..reading about nothing. And now I must have a talk with my toes to see if they ruminate on anything at all.

    • 21 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:25

      *laughing* Angeline, the professor is honored to have saved your from such a fate! One would have thought it’d have been better, huh?

  5. 22 Bethy March 27, 2014 at 13:09

    Books like that drive me crazy. I mean I spend all this time reading and I get the end and I’m like WHAT?!
    Thanks for the warning…I’ll be sure to never pick this one up!

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:24

      Yes, that’s it, Bethy! That’s how the professor felt. So it deserved a brutal ripping!

      • 24 Bethy March 30, 2014 at 18:36

        It’s nice to give inanimate objects a brutal ripping once in awhile!

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:32

        It is! (Even the authors. But don’t tell Susan I said that.)

      • 26 Bethy March 31, 2014 at 13:31

        erm. If they are a good author then they realize their mistake. If they are a bad author they probably don’t care what you think anyway.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:20

        That’s a good point, Bethy. A rotten rip tomorrow.

  6. 28 Anja March 27, 2014 at 10:07

    I have never heard of this book but now I wonder if you are just using it to bash poor Jane again? I notice many others here enjoy her as an author. :)

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:23

      No, I wasn’t! I just found that in there. Yes, FEF loves her. And you do, right?

  7. 30 Catherine March 27, 2014 at 03:43

    Hmm…strange book. I once knew a kid that said “sooo big” every time that question was asked. Sadly, it did not become a nickname. That would have been entertaining.

    And a ruminative toe? That I’d like to see.

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:22

      Haha! Would you have called him that?

      Me too. What’s it like, do you think?

      • 32 Catherine March 28, 2014 at 02:41

        Probably…especially since he’s really tiny still. :D

        I can’t imagine! But I can’t see it having any profound thoughts.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:37

        Is he? *laughs*

        You’re funny, Catherine! It would be a sight worth…millions!

      • 34 Catherine March 29, 2014 at 16:23

        Yes!

        Thank you, Professor! *laughs as well* You are too!

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:30

        No, just dull!

      • 36 Catherine April 1, 2014 at 01:18

        Oh, come now, give yourself some credit! Not everyone can bash a book so expertly.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 02:40

        Aw, thanks Catherine! That means a lot to me.

      • 38 Catherine April 2, 2014 at 00:42

        You’re welcome :) I try my best. But really, I’m glad!

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 12:55

        You’re glad?

      • 40 Catherine April 3, 2014 at 03:21

        Yes…should I not be?

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:21

        You should! *laughing* I hope that’s what the PL is all about–fun!

      • 42 Catherine April 4, 2014 at 01:56

        It is, don’t worry! :) I love it!

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 02:10

        Aw, thanks, Catherine! That comment really keeps me moving. Thank you.

      • 44 Catherine April 4, 2014 at 02:57

        You’re welcome! :D

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:25

        *smiles big*

  8. 46 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 27, 2014 at 01:34

    Hahaha!! ‘Nothing happens in the book which is a supreme wonder…’ My favorite! I so enjoy these, Duke.

    This qoute you referenced…hmm. :)

    Oh, and Jane is coming to haunt you tonight, Duketh! Plus those three examples sound a bit like me…. lol.

    • 47 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:21

      Aw, thanks, Audith! *biggest smile*

      Don’t you like that quote?

      A ruminative toe…you’re right it does! Look how wicked I’m being…

      • 48 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 27, 2014 at 17:43

        *smiles cause you smile*

        I did. Very much.

        Twas what I thought!

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:35

        *frowns, and waits to see if you will*

        I did too. It was a wonder I found it.

        So many sorry’s!

      • 50 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 28, 2014 at 02:11

        *frowns and laughs at the same time cause she’s amazing like that*

        How did you find that in all the rubble, anyway? You are fantastic at finding the diamond in the rough, Duketh.

        *giggles too much even for a girl* (Worried now I’ll attract Mr. Ratherquite.)

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:29

        I have to admit: I tried to, and can’t! *laughing*

        I just happen upon it! Now how cool is that?

        Wouldn’t you like to have speaks with Mr. R?

      • 52 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 29, 2014 at 12:54

        Twas my plan all along… *giggles too much for sure* I love that you tried. :)

        I think that is awesome. Very cool. Fate like, I’d say. *smiles*

        I don’t know. There are things about him I do enjoy, for sure.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:09

        I did… *and the professor’s try was as bad as the moon trying to be the sun*

        *smiles too, but tries his hardest to frown*

        Yes, that’s how I feel. I like to enjoy him from a distance.

      • 54 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 31, 2014 at 15:03

        Poor moon. That was kinda romantic.
        *searches for a way to write a poem*

        *she tries to show him*

        Yeah. But I do like him just so we’re clear.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:40

        The professor never says anything romantic! *thinking a poem would be cool*

        *won’t look*

        Oh yes, I believe you a little bits.

      • 56 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 31, 2014 at 22:05

        You’re right. What was I thinking…
        *I thought so but I guess I’ll rip it up*

        *shakes her eyebrows at you and sticks out her tongue*

        YOU MUST BELIEVE EVERYTHING *clears her throat*

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 02:24

        No–no! I…might be mistaken about that.

        *laughs like a walrus*

        Okay, I might.

      • 58 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 1, 2014 at 04:02

        So I can glue it back together?

        *we look strange*

        Mighty

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 18:02

        Yes, please, actually.

        I know! *laughing*

        Mighty Hector!

      • 60 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 1, 2014 at 20:19

        Okay. *she waits to be handed the glue*

        *laughing too*

        Indeed…

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 12:35

        *hands her superglue*

        Hmmm!

      • 62 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 2, 2014 at 20:10

        Why did you glue my hands together?

        Hmmm, what? *eyes blinking*

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:15

        *laughing* Did that happen? That’s what I always do to myself when I try to do it…

        I don’t think you believe me…

      • 64 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 3, 2014 at 02:42

        *whimpers*

        Oh, I believe you’re a mighty Hector, I do.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:10

        Oh dear! Let me help there… *runs for the succors* This is what I use.

        I don’t think I do…

      • 66 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 02:09

        Thank you, kindly, but if you come near me with those scissors I will scream. You must not cut my hands, Duke. Is it the only way?? Twill hurt, I think. *searches your eyes for answers she never gets*

        I think if you tried harder to see yourself as Hector you would feel like him more. *raises and drops one shoulder reflecting on why you can’t see what I see*

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 02:14

        Well, you have to do it just so… *does it real quick, and the hands come apart, and there is no blood* See? I’m practiced. The answers are there, Audith. Believe me.

        What can’t I see?

      • 68 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 03:11

        Wow, that was quick. *places a badge on your shirt* Thank you, Duke. Audith’s hero!
        Yeah, she knows. *closes her eyes, smells the pillow and goes to sleep*

        That you are Hector, if you want to be…never mind. *annoyed that she answers you after falling asleep*

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:26

        My pleasure!

        *laughing* It is a wonder that you could answer after falling to sleep…

      • 70 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 15:34

        Another amazing talent of mine, Duketh. Tis all… *winks because maybe there is something in her hazel eye*

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 18:52

        A speck! You better get it out. They hurt the eyes.

      • 72 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 19:47

        I blame all the wind today.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 12:54

        It was windy here. And now it’s just cloudy again.

      • 74 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 7, 2014 at 15:32

        Boo!

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:19

        Radely. (I think I spelled it wrong.)

      • 76 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 8, 2014 at 02:07

        (If you did I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me…)
        *laughs*

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 02:10

        I’m sorry for being confusing.

      • 78 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 8, 2014 at 02:22

        No need to be sorry, Duke.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 22:51

        You’re right! True warriors don’t do such a thing.

      • 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 9, 2014 at 02:55

        Well, actually, the one’s I think about probably do.

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:29

        You don’t know any true warriors.

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 9, 2014 at 19:57

        How do you know? *grabs her message bag and walks towards the trees to think*

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 01:22

        *begins to climb the trees*

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2014 at 01:52

        *watches and then pretends not to care that he does it without effort*

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 19:34

        *laughing* I haven’t climbed many trees in my life.

      • 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2014 at 20:24

        *laughs, too* You are an amazing tree climber in my mind, go with it, Duke. Enjoy…

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 20:26

        And try not to bang my head…

      • 88 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2014 at 20:55

        Or bang your head…I’ll be there to help you.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 18:10

        Help me bang my head?!

      • 90 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 11, 2014 at 20:14

        No, to apply ice. *winks*

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 22:42

        Oh that’s right. Down the shirt…dear me.

      • 92 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 12, 2014 at 00:46

        *not gonna do it now* *sticks out her tongue*

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2014 at 12:42

        *throws a football at Audith so she puts her tongue back in*

      • 94 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 14, 2014 at 18:33

        *misses catching the football because she’s scared it’s gonna hurt*

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2014 at 18:36

        A football? They can. If it’s cold out.

      • 96 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 14, 2014 at 19:21

        I know. Tis why I was hoping you’d throw the blue bouncy ball. Wait, it’s warm now, isn’t it. We should have a baseball.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2014 at 17:51

        Oh dear, not that ball! I think that was wicked of you. I love baseball.

      • 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2014 at 18:37

        I just giggle about your unfortuate accident. I truly am thankful that you are okay, Duke.

        I love baseball, too. ( but we both knew that about each other already)

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2014 at 19:34

        Maybe there was brain damage?

        Yes! And the Sox won, you know.

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2014 at 20:10

        You should as Bill Cosby about Brain damage…

        *deep breath* Yes, they did, didn’t they. How nice for the Red Sox.

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2014 at 00:43

        And Muhammed Ali, I suppose.

        It was vicious, for sure.

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 16, 2014 at 03:47

        Or his daughter…she’s one tough chick!

        It’s always good to have a winner in the end! I don’t mind losing. Twon’t ruin my day.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2014 at 20:01

        Really? I had no idea about this.

        But we all cry when the Patriots lose.

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 16, 2014 at 20:42

        Yes, she’s a boxer, as well. Toughness!

        I cry when Green Bay looses.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2014 at 15:56

        Oh boy!

        Yes, I know you like them. I kinda do too.

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 17, 2014 at 17:12

        Kinda…well, I kinda like the Texans if they’d ever win.

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 15:35

        I like the Texans a lot. They had a nice season two years ago…until the Patriots dispatched them 41-14…

      • 108 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 18, 2014 at 16:03

        Don’t remind me…Audith sat in her chair in shock…

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 16:38

        Aw! I should have distracted you from it.

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 18, 2014 at 16:48

        Yes, that would have been nice. Very nice.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 17:15

        I was having a good time.

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 18, 2014 at 17:20

        Yes, I know. It’s hard to get the visions of you fist pumping the sky every time your guy Brady did something right. I forced to reflect on happier times.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 17:52

        They beat them twice that year, I think.

      • 114 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 20, 2014 at 05:56

        Yes, I believe your memory is serving you well today, Sir.
        *winks* Our colors are united, however. Which is of interest.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2014 at 13:15

        How do you mean colors united, Audith?

      • 116 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 21, 2014 at 13:56

        Don’t the Texans and Patriots have a red, blueish color theme?

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2014 at 20:42

        Yes, they do. And similar ideas, I think.

      • 118 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 21, 2014 at 20:49

        Football ideas

  9. 119 icedmocha34 March 26, 2014 at 20:36

    “Plump dollars” reminds me of “smiling ugly” ; )

    • 120 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:10

      Yes, it’s impossible, isn’t it? Tell me I was right in picking on it!

      • 121 icedmocha34 March 27, 2014 at 18:21

        …well, plump dollars reminds me of, like, if you have a wad of bills and you pull it out of your pocket. They’re all stuck together and…plump.

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:39

        Exactly! That’s what I kinda thought as well. It’s odd.

  10. 123 PorterGirl March 26, 2014 at 17:02

    Fabulous rip, my dear Professor. This book sounds dreadful, certainly. Although I laughed at the bit in the quote that mentioned Miss Fister – what a name! That is very rude in England ;) I am also no fan of Austen, but if I were going to emulate her – surely it would be her written work I would emulate! Not her toe tapping. Whatever, this book has annoyed me so much and I haven’t even read it.

    I know we have a plan to rip Shakespear together – I am totally on it, I promise. My own book is nearly completed and I have been distracted. My humble apologies. You can rip my book when it’s done, if you wish? I won’t mind. It would be an honour :)

    • 124 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:39

      Is it, Lucy? You know, I’d probably get myself killed in England. Although, I’m not in a habit of saying that name. Yes, definitely emulate the work! *laughs* I’m sorry its annoyed, but I brought some justice to it!

      That would be super fun, but don’t rush and take your time.

      Nice! I’d love to read it. The Professor won’t rip your book, ’cause I know it won’t cause me repulsion.

      • 125 PorterGirl March 26, 2014 at 18:43

        Do not worry I would protect you in England. The English would love you! In fact, I am sure many of them already do :)

        I will let you see the book when it is ready, I hope it won’t repulse you. Shakespear rip will be attended to shortly :D

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 13:52

        Aw, Lucy, that’s a nice thing to say! It would be fun to visit. I’d try and adopt the accent, I think.

        It definitely won’t! You’re a good writer. Very good!

      • 127 PorterGirl March 27, 2014 at 14:00

        So kind, Professor. Be careful, you may ruin your reputation of being wicked!

        The accent is pretty easy to master, I can teach you :)

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:28

        Oh…Okay, we mustn’t spoil that!

        That would be coolio!

  11. 129 Painting Pundit March 26, 2014 at 16:54

    Bummer! And double bummer! Passing on this one but you are dad blame unfair to JA. JA is always great at taking down the snotty elite. The take down of Lady Catherine in P and P is the best but many other satisfying take downs.

    • 130 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:37

      It was satisfying, I admit. But, *big smile* isn’t the professor good at taking Austen down?

      • 131 FictionFan March 26, 2014 at 22:38

        *threatening face*

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:12

        *laughing* But isn’t it true, FEF? This is how they’ll write about it in the history books, “The mighty, wicked professor brought down the charlatan Austen.”

      • 133 FictionFan March 27, 2014 at 18:15

        Ha! History is written by the winners, so I suspect it will be our Jane that has the last word! Perhaps she’ll write you into one of her novels…and make you dance every night… *cackles like Gagool*

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:39

        But she died! Didn’t she? At least, I hope so… (One of the best books ever!)

      • 135 FictionFan March 28, 2014 at 02:26

        I think she’s been resurrected as a killer zombie on a mission to track down all those who have been rude about her…but just don’t look behind you and you’ll be fine! (What? P&P? Yes, it is… *cheeky wink*)

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:30

        The professor can take out a Jane zombie any day! Don’t you think? (You’re being mean… *laughs* )

      • 137 FictionFan March 28, 2014 at 23:25

        I’m not sure – she’s very angry! Good luck though! *worried face*

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 11:49

        I’ll brutally remove her horrid head!

      • 139 FictionFan March 31, 2014 at 15:40

        But what if she’s got worm DNA – won’t that just mean you’ll end up with two of her?

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:45

        Hmm…good point. I always new Austen was a worm.

      • 141 FictionFan April 1, 2014 at 00:50

        Huff-hum, sir! *flounces off*

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 02:39

        I bet Mr. R’s ladies flounce…

      • 143 FictionFan April 1, 2014 at 15:03

        *offended face*!!!!!!!

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 18:35

        Sorry! I’m not sure what it means…though…

      • 145 FictionFan April 1, 2014 at 23:38

        It’s what FF does when she’s compared to Mr R’s creatures by a wicked Professor… *flounces off again*

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 12:50

        Just looked up flounces…it’s becoming to you! I was mistaken! *kneels and asks for forgiveness*

      • 147 FictionFan April 2, 2014 at 15:18

        *graciously consents*

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:19

        *greatly relieved*

  12. 149 desertdweller29 March 26, 2014 at 15:50

    I’ll skip it, Professor. But I will use your phrase “oh, rats and a heifer” if you don’t mind. I rather like it.

    • 150 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:37

      Definitely! It’s a good one, huh? And you know what I did? I forgot to capitalize again!

  13. 151 ladycheetah7 March 26, 2014 at 15:25

    Amazing how you read past the plump dollar and ruminative toe is beyond me. How many pages was this book?

    • 152 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:37

      Over 300, I think. So, long enough, for sure. Would you have quit?

      • 153 ladycheetah7 March 26, 2014 at 18:43

        Id the book opened up with the ruminative toe, I would have asked for my $ back. Lol.
        The thing is the reason why it takes me so long to purchase a book is because I am always skimming the prologues and first chapters to catch things like that. So far I have liked every book I have read so I think my method works.

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 13:51

        lol Definitely a worthy candidate for a return. But Ferber is supposed to be a good author…

        Lady, I must adopt your method, then. But this book was a classic!

      • 155 ladycheetah7 March 27, 2014 at 18:02

        Tell me what defines a book as a classic?

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:37

        I think it has to be excepted by some organization or something. I’m not really sure. But I bet FEF does!

  14. 157 Amy Pinkrose March 26, 2014 at 15:12

    Good grief! How do you do it? I must admit I have no patience for silly books, and if I had read that sentence about a plump dollar, I would have closed the book and filed it in the circular bin. My hat is off to you, Professor, for sticking this one out. I don’t have time for such dadblammery nonsense. Life is too short as it is without reading meaninglessness. O-O-O-O That turned out to be a BIG word. Respecfurly yours, LAdyP

    • 158 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:36

      And I love that word, LadyP! I’m not sure…I just trudged on, you know. Do you think the professor is a silly?

      • 159 Amy Pinkrose March 26, 2014 at 21:07

        Wellll … no, if that is what you wish to do with your time, you are rightly so entitled. I have no patience for books that don’t move me. I read enough of those when I was in school. 😜

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:11

        Yes, I hear you… What are you reading now?

      • 161 Amy Pinkrose March 27, 2014 at 14:19

        A book by Margaret Rose Stringer. Very good. I highly recommend it. It’s a memoir. Very sad at times for it is about true love, and the loss of that true love. Very well written, very ingenious at times the way it is written, very unique. All the way around … a delightful book.

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:29

        Are there swordfights?

      • 163 Amy Pinkrose March 27, 2014 at 14:45

        Nope. No swords.

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:23

        Well, that’s horrid.

      • 165 Amy Pinkrose March 27, 2014 at 23:30

        No, not horrid at all. A real life story of a woman from Australia. I was deeply touched. Swords aren’t all that important, you know.

      • 166 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:56

        Oh yes they are!

  15. 167 FictionFan March 26, 2014 at 14:15

    How DARE you!!! There I was happily enjoying a beautiful rip of what sounds like the direst book of all time (where do you find them???) when suddenly!! The Professor takes the katana to my Ms Austen!! And to link to that…that…that horrid rip of Austen herself…

    There is only one possible suitable punishment for such wickedness – I will make you admit that Northanger Abbey sounds good…you just wait!

    • 168 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:32

      *laughing oh lots* You know, I thought about warning you, but then I thought, “FEF won’t mind.” And you know, it wasn’t planned. I read this sucker a long time ago. I’d forgotten about the P&P part. But somehow I managed to find it again.

      I know! See why I have trouble reading? Too bad you weren’t around recommending novels for me.

      Yes, but I didn’t technically rip P&P…

      Oh dear no! Is that the humorous one?

      • 169 FictionFan March 26, 2014 at 22:52

        Oh you thought that, did you? Think again!! I am soooo tempted to insert pics of Darby all over your comments threads…. *vindictive smile*

        Yes, you should leave the choice of novels up to me…once you’ve finished all the Austens we could move you on to the Brontes – you’d love them!

        Yes, you did! You ripped it meanly and wickedly and Viciously, Jellyfish! But you wait…you’ll be forced to admit that Ms Austen is humorous…soon…while I shall very much enjoy reviewing Huck…

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:13

        *laughing lots* Well, do it! See how I care. We both know he’s an ugly chap…

        Oh dear. You know I was supposed to read one of those, but I never did. The Martian is more interesting…

        I only ripped Austen! It can’t count. Did you hate Huck very badly?

      • 171 FictionFan March 27, 2014 at 18:30

        Huh! Fortunately for you I can’t work out how to do it! The professor is soooo jealous…

        I’d love for you to read Jane Eyre – you’d think much more kindly of P&P then!

        You might find out tomorrow…or next week sometime…

      • 172 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:40

        The professor is jealous of…cherries, cashews, and muffins. How’s that?

        Is it bad? Haha.

        Oh dear… MissT and FEF rip Twain and it’s sad.

      • 173 FictionFan March 28, 2014 at 02:30

        Well, that’s understandable – especially if the muffins are chocolate.

        I like it…but I’m 99.999999999999% sure the Professor would hate it with every fibre of his being…

        Yes, but we do it sorrowfully…while you rip our Jane with glee!

      • 174 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:32

        Or blueberry!

        I did see the movie, you know. With George C. Scott, I think?

        I do not! I do it with great mourning too…

      • 175 FictionFan March 28, 2014 at 23:27

        Tchah! Na!

        I don’t think I’ve seen that – did you like it?

        Did your nose grow longer when you said that?

      • 176 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 11:50

        Humph noodles to that!

        Well… *looks away* There wasn’t much action, besides someone falling from a horse. And he forgave the person that made him fall…so it was rather dry.

        Yes!

      • 177 FictionFan March 31, 2014 at 15:42

        *laughing loads* So I’m guessing the Professor feel asleep before the part with the murderous mad woman in the attic and the huge fire?

      • 178 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:45

        Oh yeah! I remember that now. (The professor never sleeps through movies!) I was incensed that he was blind about it. And that he betrayed his wife.

      • 179 FictionFan April 1, 2014 at 00:52

        Yes, Rochester is a strange hero. I used to like him when I was young and foolish, but now that I’m…young but less foolish, I’ve kind of gone off him…

      • 180 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 02:39

        *laughs lots* You set yourself up for that one! He was mean, wasn’t he?

      • 181 FictionFan April 1, 2014 at 15:04

        Very – but at least he never threw his wife in a bathtub…

      • 182 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 18:35

        No, he betrayed her!

      • 183 FictionFan April 1, 2014 at 23:40

        Is that worse though? MM would make a great Punchy Rochester though…assuming he’s handsome enough…

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 12:51

        Hmm…that’s true. They’re both equally bad. But…maybe MM did it out of love for himself?

        MM might. But he might get gory about a few things.

      • 185 FictionFan April 2, 2014 at 15:21

        Well, certainly I suspect MM is MM’s favourite person… *cheeky wink*

        If he gorily killed the madwoman early on, it would radically shorten the book…which I can only feel would be a good thing…

      • 186 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:20

        Haha…yes… *tries to give you a cheeky wink back, but not sure it worked well*

        See how mean you’re being to the madwoman? I bet Ro drove her insane!

      • 187 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 00:18

        I suspect the Professor’s cheeky wink was exceptionally cheeky…

        But she was evil as well as being nuts! She tried to burn poor Jane to death!

      • 188 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:21

        It was not! It’s impossible for a boy to be cheeky.

        Did she? That was mean. But that’s because she was jealous. And Jane was ugly anyway.

      • 189 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 13:31

        Cheeky Chicky is the Master of Cheekiness!

        *laughing* Is being ugly sufficient reason to be burned to death? I do hope the Professor is gorgeous then…

      • 190 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:46

        He is not! *laughing* Though how you said that does sound convincing…

        The professor is like an orc!

      • 191 FictionFan April 4, 2014 at 16:53

        It’s truthfully true!

        But I bet he’s a gorgeous orc…

      • 192 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 19:06

        There’s no such thing as a gorgeous orc! Maybe I’m like Bourne.

      • 193 FictionFan April 5, 2014 at 01:02

        You could be the first. Maybe! Though I still suspect you’re like John McClane…

      • 194 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:28

        No! Jason Bourne. Or Jack Reacher. He’s my new hero, you know.

      • 195 FictionFan April 7, 2014 at 20:15

        Jack Reacher? Really? *adds all 19 books to the Professor’s TBR*

      • 196 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:59

        *laughing* What’s wrong with me–I mean, Jack? I don’t see why all the books should be added…

      • 197 FictionFan April 8, 2014 at 13:40

        I don’t know – I’ve never read the books nor seen the film. That’s why I think you should read all the books – then you can tell me if they’re good…

      • 198 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 23:54

        I didn’t know they were books, and I’ve never seen the movie too. Though, I do love the “Bar fight scene.”

  16. 199 Debbie March 26, 2014 at 13:59

    Argh! Somehow I missed this one (go figure — and I’m an English major!), and thankfully so. You’ve ripped it well, Professor. I’m afraid I’d have tossed it across the room after reading that first sentence!!

    • 200 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:30

      *laughing* That what it does to a person, for sure! Have you read anything else by the author?

  17. 201 Simply Skeptical March 26, 2014 at 13:50

    Hmm… really? Aspire to a modern Jane Austen. Well too bad she didn’t make it. Ms. Ferber missed the bus too! Another super great ripping book review as only the Professor can do…. :-)

    • 202 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:30

      Aw, thanks! I’m honored. Have you read it?

      • 203 Simply Skeptical March 26, 2014 at 20:08

        Nah! And I certainly wouldn’t attempt to now. Who seeks repulsion dadbameit!

      • 204 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:09

        The professor!

  18. 205 Louise B. Leger March 26, 2014 at 13:38

    hahaha sobig

    • 206 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:30

      Yes. Have you read it?

      • 207 Louise B. Leger March 26, 2014 at 18:32

        can’t say i have

      • 208 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:42

        Well, good for you. Aren’t you happy about it?

      • 209 Louise B. Leger March 26, 2014 at 18:48

        I must be after reading this!

      • 210 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 13:53

        For sure!

  19. 211 weggieboy March 26, 2014 at 13:29

    Would it be rude to join you in a snooze? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…”…dadblamery, by gad! What was the woman thinking? Dollars are so thin these days.”

    • 212 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:29

      It would not! *snoozes more* Were they ever thicker?

  20. 213 L. Marie March 26, 2014 at 13:11

    I think I’ll skip this book, though I can’t blame the author for wanting to be the Jane Austen of her day..

    • 214 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:29

      I didn’t know you liked Austen! But, yes, I see where the author would like that…

  21. 215 The Dancing Rider March 26, 2014 at 13:10

    UGH! Before I even got to your rip about the plump dollar I had the same reaction. What?! Dadblamery is right.

    The ruminative toe makes Ferber deserve a good slap. What the what! ;-)

    • 216 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:29

      Yes, DR! Dadblame dadblamery.

      *laughing lots* Yes, a slap is needed. What the what…very nice expression. Do you suppose Ferber liked Austen or not from that? I’m not sure really.

      • 217 The Dancing Rider March 26, 2014 at 18:30

        I think Ferber admired Austen, and wanted to be like her. Perhaps to even (gag) write like her.

      • 218 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:42

        You don’t like Austen, do you? I forget so many things…

      • 219 The Dancing Rider March 26, 2014 at 19:39

        Well, it’s very odd. I will watch Austen book-based movies, but I won’t read the books themselves…..perhaps I should try?

      • 220 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:09

        No, don’t! They’re all bad. It’s a bad lot, I hear. Even FEF says that.

  22. 221 Susan P March 26, 2014 at 13:08

    I have no desire to be Jane Austen, and I would not be surprised if she did not come back and destroy the whole mess.

    Having said that, it must have been something in the air back in the day. My parents spent more than a few hours all told asking me and my siblings that fateful question. Since we all had enough other issues, it’s fortunate that neither of them conceived of writing a book about it.

    • 222 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:28

      Don’t you like J. Austen either, Susan?

      No way! They asked you that question? But how did you respond?

      • 223 Susan P March 26, 2014 at 19:31

        Ms. Austen I hold in high esteem. The questions, however, is dadblamery. I have no recollection of what I might have said…but the right answer was to throw ones’ hands up as far as one could stretch to indicate how big one was.

      • 224 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:09

        Oh you do not, dadblameit! Haven’t I influence you there?

        Or, one could just look away?

      • 225 Susan P March 27, 2014 at 20:04

        Oh, but I do hold her in high esteem. She makes me laugh. No, you haven’t influenced me in that particular arena. Would you feel better if I told you you’ve influenced me in some music choices?

      • 226 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 23:55

        Yes I would! Kenny G? *hopefully awaiting Susan’s answer*

        She can’t make you laugh, dadblameit!

      • 227 Susan P March 28, 2014 at 12:03

        Of course, Kenny G.

        And she most certainly can make me laugh. And chuckle.

      • 228 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 18:51

        :D :D :D

        She can’t!

      • 229 Susan P March 28, 2014 at 19:54

        You, sir, are a Rapscallion with ketchup in your ears.

      • 230 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2014 at 22:34

        lol lol Yes, that’s quite right. But no ketchup…

      • 231 Susan P March 29, 2014 at 13:10

        Mustard, perhaps?

      • 232 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 12:26

        No, no! Dadblameit.

      • 233 Susan P March 31, 2014 at 13:58

        Then it has to be Styrofoam earmuffs.

      • 234 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:34

        But I took them all out.

      • 235 Susan P March 31, 2014 at 13:58

        Or maybe ear plugs to keep the water out of your ears when you are skinny dipping.

      • 236 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2014 at 20:34

        Now, what makes you think the professor does that? (I’m waiting for the post, you know. Very patiently.)

      • 237 Susan P March 31, 2014 at 23:48

        In the fullness of time, O professish person.

      • 238 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2014 at 02:36

        When’s that?

  23. 239 Julie Harris March 26, 2014 at 13:07

    Hmmm… I will have to try this ruminative toe tapping when I am deep in thought. And I have never seen a plump dollar? Maybe she crumbled it up and stuffed it in her purse?

    • 240 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:27

      Yes, that could be it. But would that make sense still? (When you try the ruminative toe tapping, let me know if it’s any good, would you?)

  24. 241 walt walker March 26, 2014 at 13:03

    I wouldn’t have had the patience for this one, professor. I admire your stick-to-it-iveness.

    • 242 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2014 at 18:27

      Thanks, Walt. This was a goofy one. It was horrible; siz, it was rotten! The only good part was the P&P rip. You know, I’m at war with that book.

      • 243 walt walker March 27, 2014 at 06:31

        Oh dear, I got the feeling you were displeased, but at war…well that’s something! Let me know how I can be of aid. As i’ve said, I’m not well-armed, but I have chaplains and medics I might dispatch.

      • 244 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2014 at 14:23

        Oh, awesome! We’ll need lots of chaplains. Austen can only be defeated with prayer… Now look how wicked you’re making me!


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Punchy Argot:

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