Amelia and the Professor

So, the professor ran into Amelia again.

Not literally, of course. In truth, that’s true.

This time, I was in Cashew City eating with Schwarz Tauptinker.

Schwarz and I were talking about why oranges are orange and why bananas are green, when Amelia just plopped down at our table.

The professor was shocked into speechlessness.

“Whoa!” Schwarz said. “That was so unexpected, tell you what! Chickit!”

Amelia ignored Schwarz—which I thought was rather rude.

“Professor,” she said, “nice to see you again.”

“Not sure I know you,” this professor said. “Do I?”

“Of course!” Amelia is quick to anger, you know.

“Well, who do you think I am?” I asked.

“Professor VJ Duke!”

I gave a little laugh and did my best to sell my next line. I think I failed.

“No, no. I’m not him. That’s my twin brother. I’m BJ Duke.”

Of course this was to throw Amelia off, but Schwarz had to say something—which was a pity.

As soon as I said what I said, he turned to me.

“No way, man!” Schwarz laughed. “And here I thought you were P.VJ!”

“Yes,” Amelia said. “We all know you don’t have a twin brother. And I knew you since you were small.”

My plan didn’t work—which was a couple of pities.

“Cool,” Schwarz said to Amelia. “That’s cool you knew him since he was small. Did he know you before you were fat?”

Schwarz said it innocently enough.

I thought it was a great remark.

Amelia left—screaming again.

“I don’t understand it, Schwarz.”

“Neither do I—and that’s what makes it funny.”

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229 Responses to “Amelia and the Professor”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 April 7, 2014 at 18:20

    REVENGE OF TAUPTINKER! X-P

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:48

      *laughing lots* That’s awesome. Do you like Tauptinker?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 April 8, 2014 at 13:09

        I do now :-P Wasn’t sure about it before.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 23:24

        It’s definitely odd.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 April 9, 2014 at 12:20

        His name is fun. It’s like “Tinker Bell” but way, way cooler and sounds a lot less… weird. :-P

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:39

        *laughing* And more manly, too, right?

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 April 10, 2014 at 11:46

        Yup. X-D

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 19:46

        That’s good, then.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 April 10, 2014 at 23:49

        Though it wouldn’t be hard to be cooler/more manly than Tinker Bell… X-P Tauptinker leaves T.B. in the dust!!! X-D

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 18:34

        *laughing lots* That’s so true! The little dust, to boot.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 April 11, 2014 at 20:03

        X-P

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 22:33

        *laughing*

  2. 13 ladycheetah7 April 3, 2014 at 12:17

    Good call on Schwarz part. I must say his line saved you. Do you have a plan for the next encounter?

    • 14 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 22:17

      With Schwarz nearby, it seems like issue resolve themselves naturally. Or are created naturally, depending on your point of view. Personally, I agree with you this time.

      • 15 ladycheetah7 April 4, 2014 at 01:46

        Thats why PVJ should hang around Schwarz more often.

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:26

      I’m not sure, Lady. The rest of the PF–save you–seems to think I was rather mean. Was I? I mean, Amelia is being rotten!

      • 17 ladycheetah7 April 4, 2014 at 01:44

        It was a very passive aggressive and I think your attempt to rid yourself of her may have backfired. Some people don’t want to get the fact you don’t like them because. ..well..they are self centered and needy. Schwarz just shocked her into reality and she was hurt because it was true. I wouldn’t feel bad for her as most people would because it isn’t them and they don’t have to deal with it. So tell Buttercup to suck it up and keep moving. You might want to bring Schwarz along with you. His spunkiness could be contagious. Oh and btw you might to invest in firearms just in case she is a hopelessly delusional wreck who dreams of takinh you home with her and hitting your ankles with a sledge hammer…..ijs..

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 02:08

        *laughing* Lady, you’re so wise! Okay…I’ll go armed, with Schwarz, and I’ll tell Buttercup to beat it! I love her nickname, too. This should work!

  3. 19 Julie Harris April 3, 2014 at 02:26

    Poor Amelia! And Schwarz…well, he sure does know how to put his foot in his mouth!

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:28

      And the professor’s mouth! What should I do with Amelia?

  4. 21 Jackie April 2, 2014 at 23:20

    Oh me – oh my! I hope Amelia doesn’t own a weapon! I really think she might go off one day if you guys have more encounters like this one and the other one you wrote about.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:19

      I think you could be right. What should I do about it?

      • 23 Jackie April 3, 2014 at 14:09

        It appears you guys can’t be anywhere near each other so as I see it you only have two choices. You can try and get past your differences and make amends in some way so seeing each other doesn’t end up looking like someone lit a powder keg or avoid her as much as possible. She walks in – you walk out. That sort of thing.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:57

        But she’d grab me probably, Jackie!

      • 25 Jackie April 4, 2014 at 09:14

        Not if you walk really, really fast! You know what you are going to do but she doesn’t so you have the element of surprise.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:28

        That’s true. I’ll zoom by!

  5. 27 The Dancing Rider April 2, 2014 at 20:36

    Erm, that was a gaff by Schwarz. And “B”J? LOL! Oh the professor tried at least. Though I’m not sure honesty would be the way to go with Amelia. She may be likely to have a bad day regardless of approach to any specific situation. I do think Schwarz may have made matters worse though, for the next time “B”J runs into Amelia. I suppose after her ignoring Schwarz, one can’t be too upset, as that was also rude. However, I think the only reason she was ignoring Schwarz is that she is very focused on the professor!

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:17

      Yes, Schwarz really messed up. I did! (Is it not a convincing name?) *laughing* Do you think she’s a bad sort overall?

      • 29 The Dancing Rider April 3, 2014 at 13:41

        I think she’s like the Brienne character in Game of Thrones. Misunderstood, and sensitive. But that leads to overreaction….. lol.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:48

        Haha, yes. It leaves me not knowing what to do.

      • 31 The Dancing Rider April 4, 2014 at 13:25

        That is the issue, definitely. What on EARTH can one do?! The answer is the response from A will most likely be undesired, no matter what one does! The double-bind, as they say!

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:36

        Rats and a Heifer! How about…we dump her in the ocean!

      • 33 The Dancing Rider April 4, 2014 at 13:49

        Now, now professor. More likely, she will find her perfect companion in the PL’s somewhere! :)

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 18:35

        I bet you’re right! Mr. R!

  6. 35 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 2, 2014 at 20:18

    Is it too late to have Schwarz’s tongue removed. What a jerk. My guess is that when you and Amelia officially start dating, she’ll hate Schwarz. He’ll see less and less of you as you begin to see Amelia’s side.

    Sounds to me like you should invite her to go boxing with you or she may fancy a bit of outside time with a bouncy ball and a tree. Why does she keep running into you. She gets to have all the fun, but then again…

    BJ Duke is your twin? He sounds nice. Maybe he’s available to teach me how to use a katana.

    • 36 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 00:51

      There are a lot of tales that the professor holds back in regards to Schwarz. Apparently, a lot worse things have happened to him than a glossectomy. Maybe if you ask the professor nicely he’ll elaborate in future posts. He won’t do it on only my prompting. :)

      • 37 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 3, 2014 at 02:02

        Why thank you, Deanthefish. I do so appreciate your help. I shall prompt accordingly. You know, sometimes, I can get a bit out of Duke, but he is a Warrior. I must wait for the appropriate time. You know him better than I, but….well, Dean, my observation is that the professor is skittish. He may run away. But I run faster. :)

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:16

      Dating? But, Audith!!! I protest, I think. Wasn’t Schwarz innocent about it, though?

      *laughing in spite of himself* I could teach her a lesson in boxing…but a tree? I’d fetch it! How mean of you, by the way… All the fun? Hmm??

      I’m getting ripped left and right by Audith! I retire to the grave.

      • 39 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 3, 2014 at 02:49

        Just guessing is all. She comes around a lot….I’ll help you protest. Do you think he was, Duketh? Is he capable of being innocent?

        *pats herself on the back* I don’t really want you teaching her anything. Unless its Schwarz’s phone number. *looks away*

        Is there room for me?

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:13

        Schwarz? Oh yeah. He was perfectly innocent, I assure you. I suppose the professor was a little mean, though, huh?

        Goodness! What would she do with that?

        It’s dirty, though, you sure you want to lie in dirt?

      • 41 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 02:15

        I like how you stand up for your buddies, Duke. The professor has his moments of meanness, yes. I think she isn’t your type, so whatever it takes to get rid of her is fine by me. *laughs because she’s feeling like a…well, yeah like that*

        Maybe go bug him…

        Yeah, I’m sure. Dirt doesn’t bother me. Will we be building a pool?

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:17

        *maybe does a happy dance* Thanks, Audith! (But when am I mean?) Can I use a torch?

        I don’t have any bugs…

        Yes! Pools…I love the things. When there’s a raft. And games to play.

      • 43 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 16:33

        *does a jig* Welcome, Duketh! (Did I say mean, pardon me, wicked is what I meant.)
        Yes!

        None?

        Oooo, yeah me too. *shakes her head in agreement*

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 19:03

        *realizes he doesn’t know how to dance* Yes, wicked! Very wicked.

        Umm…no, I don’t think so.

        *the pony tail flops*

      • 45 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 20:19

        *Neither does she really*

        *laughs*

        *it did*

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:01

        Well, that’s a wonder!

      • 47 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 7, 2014 at 15:48

        Could be a wonder, I guess.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:27

        That’s the spirit.

      • 49 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 8, 2014 at 02:19

        *yay, spirit*

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 22:50

        *smiles*

      • 51 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 9, 2014 at 02:57

        *grins*

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:30

        *bares teeth*

      • 53 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 9, 2014 at 19:53

        *wonders what he’ll do with those teeth* *bites her own tongue*

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 01:19

        Goodness! I hope not too hard…

      • 55 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2014 at 01:39

        No. Just enough for serious wondering.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 19:32

        I suppose I should try this type of wondering some time.

      • 57 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2014 at 20:19

        If you would like. Be careful.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 20:24

        Yes, you wouldn’t want to get hurt.

      • 59 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2014 at 20:51

        Would I get hurt?

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 18:07

        Only if you bight down quickly.

      • 61 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 11, 2014 at 20:10

        Which is what happens when one isn’t paying attention. Ouch.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 22:36

        I saw this pic once of Tom Brady. He was throwing the football, and his tongue was sticking out!

      • 63 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 12, 2014 at 00:40

        Umm, that happens to run in my family. We have lots of tongue sticker outers when playing ball people… I however, do not do it.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2014 at 12:38

        Well, that’s good. You’re related to Tom Brady?!

      • 65 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 14, 2014 at 14:06

        Closer than you think…

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2014 at 18:16

        *shocked face that’s shocked* Tell me more, please!

      • 67 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 14, 2014 at 19:15

        I’m not related to Brady, relax.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2014 at 17:48

        Well..then…tell me more!

      • 69 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2014 at 18:34

        *curles her short little nose up at you*
        Naww..nothing will compare to me almost being related to Brady.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2014 at 19:33

        He’s not that special! His legs are too long… *laughing* And you still haven’t told me.

      • 71 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2014 at 20:08

        Well, fancy you noticing that…

        *shrugs* I know how that feels… *winks*

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2014 at 00:42

        Well, let’s make a deal. You tell me and I’ll tell you something.

      • 73 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 16, 2014 at 03:42

        Are we on a TV show, Duke? How’s my make-up?

        Oh, man. This is gonna get ugly, isn’t it.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2014 at 19:59

        What particular make-up? You mean the eye stuff?

        I think it could…

      • 75 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 16, 2014 at 20:39

        No, not much of that, really. Mostly the stuff I have to where to be on camera.

        Me, too. *blinks slowly*

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2014 at 15:52

        On camera??

        Let’s forget about it then and talk about our slug.

      • 77 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 17, 2014 at 17:11

        No, not me. Look back a few comments..i asked if we were going to be on a game show. NO! Never on camera, a play, yes.

        Yes, thank you. I was thinking he needed new shoes.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 15:34

        Hmm…a play like Peter Pan? And why never on camera?

        Which is a wonder since he is feet-less.

      • 79 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 18, 2014 at 15:59

        Yes, always a play like Peter Pan, Duketh. I prefer in the moment, I suppose.

        I know, we’ll need your super glue, again.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 16:32

        Me too, I think. Much better that way.

        I’m starting to feel bad for Charlie.

      • 81 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 18, 2014 at 16:47

        Yes, I think so.

        Why? OH! The super glue is for your brown boot. The rubber tis falling off right there. *points to the sole of your boot* Our Charlie, simply likes to chew on shoes.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 17:14

        Huff-Hum! *thinks about smashing Charlie*

      • 83 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 18, 2014 at 17:18

        *laughing because you shocked me!* Maybe we should get a dog and name him Charlie.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2014 at 17:51

        *laughing too* Well…what sort of dog?

      • 85 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 20, 2014 at 05:54

        *Not willing to give up Charlie*
        Well…one that would get along with us, I guess. We need a breed that will hunt in a cave, I’d guess. Or we go for a rescue dog from the pound. They’re so loyal and probably know what it means to have to beg, crawl and steal for food, which one probably has to do a lot of while wondering about a cave. Wouldn’t you say, Duke?

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2014 at 13:15

        Yes, I think so. Perhaps, if it knows how to steal, we should go into the business as well. We could be the best thieves since ever, if you’d like. And we can bring Mr. Charlie, too.

      • 87 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 21, 2014 at 13:55

        Umm, no not looking for a new hobby, Duke, but thanks for the thinking of me. Could we be like Bonny and Clyde? Of course we’d bring Charlie…

        You didn’t decide on a dog.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2014 at 20:41

        We could be knights, then. Or sharpshooters.

        I don’t want any, do you?

      • 89 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 21, 2014 at 20:49

        You be a knight. I don’t want to wear the clothing.

        No, I don’t.

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2014 at 21:13

        Yeah, all that chain mail would get tough, for sure.

      • 91 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 21, 2014 at 21:33

        Chain mail? You can’t handle it?

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2014 at 13:53

        Well, it gets tough when you’re on a horse in the sun, and all the other stuff you’ve gotta wear!

      • 93 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 22, 2014 at 15:47

        I agree, but it suits you.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:32

        So does a purple hat. But that doesn’t mean I’ll wear it!

      • 95 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 23, 2014 at 02:50

        I’d wear a purple hat!

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:26

        With a blue feather?

      • 97 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 23, 2014 at 19:56

        Well, blue? Hmm…I don’t really want a feather.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:15

        Yes, they’re horrible.

      • 99 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 24, 2014 at 19:18

        Horrible for my hat, yes. They are nice for other uses.

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:19

        Like what?

      • 101 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 25, 2014 at 02:45

        Not sure, you should google it.

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 13:14

        Googles dadblamery.

      • 103 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 25, 2014 at 19:34

        (yes)

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2014 at 15:53

        *laughs*

      • 105 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 26, 2014 at 21:14

        *laughs with you*

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2014 at 19:03

        *smiles bigly*

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 27, 2014 at 23:33

        *waves goodbye to another lovely time*

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 14:47

        *waves with Audith*

    • 109 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 15:27

      Some of it is might disturbing! But I think it would be fun and explain another dimension of Schwarz. As for professor, he can run pretty fast. So maybe you should install a trap door?

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 3, 2014 at 17:45

        I do too, actually. Let’s approach Duke about it. Oh! I’m one step ahead of you…
        *winks*

    • 111 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 22:14

      There see, I told him you could take it! Schwarz as he is, is only half explained. Yes let’s!

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 4, 2014 at 04:16

        Okay, well I guess we’ll see if he wants to be sweet or not. I want to like Schwarz. I don’t mean to be ugly, but he can test my reserve, Dean. Okay!! *smiles*

  7. 113 icedmocha34 April 2, 2014 at 18:26

    That’s so mean!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Amelia!

    • 114 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:06

      I was trying to be nice! Where did I go wrong?

      • 115 icedmocha34 April 3, 2014 at 20:30

        Awwwwwwww!

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 02:03

        Do you feel bad for the professor?

  8. 117 maryamchahine April 2, 2014 at 18:07

    Ha, haa! Poor professor! I do feel sorry for you. But that was so funny : D You gave it a try at least. These encounters with Amelia are quite unsettling. It’s good to see the professor unsettled :D I think Schwarz has an agenda. I wouldn’t keep him too close.

    • 118 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:05

      *smiles really big* I thought it was going to work, too! It was a great plan. Foiled by Schwarz! Do you suppose Schwarz is trying to ruin me? I do wonder if Amelia is nice…

      • 119 maryamchahine April 3, 2014 at 05:20

        I don’t know, but I’d be careful of Schwarz. Amelia could be a nice lady. Maybe you should try to be nicer next time to find out : ) So what exactly did you eat at Cashew City if you don’t mind my asking? I’m sure the menu was plumbtastic : )

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:22

        Oh dear. Maybe I’m being too mean, but I don’t want to marry her, M!

        *laughing* Your PA is flawless! Well, cashews. You can get a cashew in any flavor. (Sauces) My favorite are teriyaki cashews! What would you get?

      • 121 maryamchahine April 5, 2014 at 07:40

        Chicken cashew soup! Yummy!

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:29

        Wowawee! That sounds excellent!

  9. 123 Simply Skeptical April 2, 2014 at 17:37

    Well if Amelia had ANY self worth I’m afraid it’s been shattered. Poor Girl.

    • 124 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:00

      She wasn’t very nice was she?

      • 125 Simply Skeptical April 3, 2014 at 10:59

        That’s a turn around response professor (laughing).

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:25

        I’m know for that, you know. What’s a turn around response?

  10. 127 laugraeva April 2, 2014 at 17:30

    This is helping me uncover the mystery that is Professor VJ Duke.

    • 128 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:00

      It is not! Is it? *the professor becomes nervous* How so?

      • 129 laugraeva April 3, 2014 at 15:20

        That would be telling!

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 02:01

        Can’t I please have a hint? (you’ll love Monday’s post)

  11. 131 L. Marie April 2, 2014 at 15:47

    Amelia’s worse than Mr. Ratherquite and his ladies. She just barges into things! Um but why did you feel the need to say you were a twin?

    • 132 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:22

      She sure does, L! Well, I wanted to throw her off…but it didn’t work. How should I handle it next time?

      • 133 L. Marie April 3, 2014 at 12:15

        Introduce her to Mr. Ratherquite. Maybe she can become one of his ladies. :-)

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:26

        That’s a great suggestion, L. I think I’ll try!

  12. 135 FictionFan April 2, 2014 at 15:05

    I can’t decide whether Schwarzy’s a bad influence on the Professor or the other way round! So rude to that poor girl!! And she’s so sweet. You should have told her you were Mic – much more believable. And furthermore, why are oranges orange?

    • 136 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:17

      But I’m not…Mic. What did I possibly do this time? What should I do next time? I’ll listen to whatever you say, I suppose.

      I’m not sure. But they are, aren’t they?

      • 137 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 00:13

        No, of course you’re not! *rolls eyes* Apart from pretending you were someone else, you mean? And laughing when Schwarzy was wickedly rude? Otherwise you were charming, I’m sure! (I suspect the Professor is secretly in love with Amelia and just too embarrassed to admit it…)

        Except when they’re blue.

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:20

        Schwarzy? Look how mean your being to your Schwarzy! The professor is as charming as a vampire bat! And I didn’t do anything mean, I thought. (In love? Maybe the other way around?)

        They aren’t never blue neither!

      • 139 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 13:28

        Well, my Schwarzy shouldn’t have been so mean to poor Amelia! And the Professor should have stood up for her! Boys, eh? Tchah! (No, I’m pretty sure it’s the right way round…but it’s OK – your secret is safe with me…)

        Somewhere in a parallel universe I bet they’re blue.

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:45

        I’m sure you would have been on my side had you been there! (It is not! I think you just want it to be that way, don’t you?)

        You have a good point there.

      • 141 FictionFan April 4, 2014 at 16:48

        I’d have been too busy chatting to my Schwarzy to notice Amelia…*mean face* (Hmm…it’s well known that a person who constantly denies being in love with someone usually is…)

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 19:06

        I was too busy chatting with Schwarz too, wasn’t I?

        (Is the opposite true? Someone who’s always saying she’s in love with certain persons maybe isn’t?)

      • 143 FictionFan April 5, 2014 at 00:58

        Ah but if I’d been there, Schwarzy woud have been chatting to me and not you…so you’d have had time to think up a lovely compliment for Amelia…

        (*chuckles but in a shocked way* The Professor surely can’t be hinting that FF’s true, deep and eternal love for Schwarzy is…a sham???)

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:27

        But Schwarz isn’t the chatting type. What if he preferred to gaze out the window? (I’m horrible at compliments. That’s why women should wear swords. Then I’d always be able to say something nice.)

        (No! That’s real, because I’d like to believe so. But for George and Darby? Yes!!!)

      • 145 FictionFan April 7, 2014 at 20:13

        Are you suggesting that given the choice of staring into my eyes, Schwarzy would choose to gaze out the window instead? I find that highly unlikely! (*chuckling* Poor C-W-W! Poor Amelia!!)

        (If all three of them were to invite me out on the same evening, it would be a really difficult choice. I’d probably just have to go out with Rafa instead…)

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:57

        Do you have blue eyes or gray eyes or brown eyes or hazel eyes or green eyes or red eyes? Depending on your answer is depending on mine. I know the kind Schwarz likes. He always tells me.

        But if the professor were there, I might leave.

      • 147 FictionFan April 8, 2014 at 13:38

        Yes. Sometimes – depending on the light. Sadly not. No. When I cry. Only when my inner gnome becomes enraged. Does that help? Ooh, what kind does Schwarzy like?

        Why?

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 23:53

        It sure does! Though I’m curious as to why you’re sad you don’t have brown eyes. The professor has hazel, I think. And they can be green. See? I give info freely! Schwarz? He has blue, you know.

        Because I’d be too excited in such a situation. I’d have to step outside and think.

      • 149 FictionFan April 9, 2014 at 13:40

        Because I’d love to have brown eyes – blue eyes are so common here. But I’m sure Schwarzy’s blue eyes won’t be common! Hazel/green sounds nice though – I like when my eyes are green, but sadly that only happens as a response to tears – or hayfever. So…nice greeen eyes but a puffy red nose! Not a good look, overall…

        I see! Yes, that thinking thing can be tough…

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:44

        Schwarz either has that or…gray. I can’t remember. I wish red eyes were more common, don’t you?

        For me, you mean? *laughing*

      • 151 FictionFan April 9, 2014 at 19:47

        See, if Amelia had only known how much you love red eyes, she would have seen that really you were flirting with her…it’s so sweet to watch the Professor falling in love…

        *wicked wink*

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 01:15

        Hmm…but the professor doesn’t like Amelia–that’s where the problem lies. And I think Amelia only likes me because of something, you see. So, the professor is not falling in love. Warriors don’t do that sort of thing.

      • 153 FictionFan April 10, 2014 at 13:59

        Warriors so do! In fact, most of the time they are warrioring over love, whilst wearing their lady’s favour…

        Because of something, eh? She adores top hats? Likes older men? Is an enthusiast for excessive facial hair? Admires men with the courage to wear sandals with their skirts? Or perhaps she’s a P&P fan and thinks the professor looks like Darby? *FF swoons at that last one and has to lie down*

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 19:55

        The only warrior who did that was that idiot from The White Company. And he doesn’t count. Since he’s not a warrior. So…there!

        Huff-Humerery! You’d laugh if you knew what I knew and re-read that paragraph! And I won’t tell you why either.

      • 155 FictionFan April 10, 2014 at 22:12

        I have only one thing to say to you, sir – Maid Marian!

        Oh, you never tell me anything – I’m used to it now! But I’m going to assume it’s that you do look like Darby…yummy!

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 18:26

        Robin Hood didn’t like her! That’s a myth. Now, Hector was married.

        Darby isn’t a chocolate cake!

    • 157 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 00:45

      :clears throat: I’m still back on the last page patiently waiting for someone to beg me not to change my “name.”

      • 158 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 00:50

        Oh, Bubbles, you can go on calling yourself deanthefish if you like…it’s quite cute. But Bubbles is cuter…and really sums up your personality, don’t you think?

        *hums…”pretty Bubbles in the air…”*

    • 159 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 01:00

      This is perplexing. I really don’t want another name. Two is already one too many.

      I don’t know that song and I’m debating whether I should look it up or not..

      • 160 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 01:05

        Oh, did you feel you were going to get a say in the matter, Bubbles? I’m so sorry – you’re not! But you could drop all your many other names if you want – though that would reduce the opportunity for us to make fish jokes…

        You should! It’s an American classic… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6SXi4I47Qw

    • 161 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 01:15

      Well, one thing’s for sure. I had nothing to do with it. The Professor gagged as soon as I put it on. It WAS an American classic. Where on to new things now, like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk

      • 162 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 01:17

        *We’re

      • 163 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 01:26

        That’s rather lovely – especially all the icy animation – though the girl looks a bit…strange.

        But…gagged at Doris Day??? That’s positively un-American!! Here’s the song the Professor should be singing when he thinks of Amelia… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU8tQpCZEzg

    • 164 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 01:39

      I feel a bit sheepish to admit that this is another one I’ve never heard. I’m not even familiar with the composer.

      I can field Irving Berlin, Richard Rogers, etc. but David Buttolph? I’ll have to do some looking up.

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:24

        Mr. Fish, I’m going to send Amelia to live with you…

      • 166 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 13:25

        Ah, you clearly need an intensive course in the great musicals of the 50s – American culture at its peak. While I’m watching John Wayne this weekend you should watch a few Doris Day films…

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:44

        I think I’m in the John Wayne film.

      • 168 FictionFan April 4, 2014 at 16:44

        I hope you’re not the one who gets hanged… *fearful face*

      • 169 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 19:05

        Hmm…no. There’s a whole bunch. I think you know who I am.

      • 170 FictionFan April 5, 2014 at 00:56

        Well, I haven’t watched it yet, but I’m assuming you’ll be the Duke! (It never occurred to me before, but is that why…?)

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:26

        Well, that’s who I’d like to be. But I’m probably Ned. (No, I don’t think so. I forget where the name came from. But it’s older than you, young lady!)

      • 172 FictionFan April 6, 2014 at 22:56

        You might have warned me about Little Blackie!! *sobbing hysterically* …not to mention the fingers!!!! *shrieking*

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:36

        Aw! FEF! I forgot about the part. Good thing you didn’t see the new one. But Little Blackie did save whatever her name was’s life.

        The quincy part? Yeah, that was tough. But the Duke was cool. What about the beef guy?

      • 174 FictionFan April 7, 2014 at 20:17

        *sniff* It’s OK – I’ll get over it soon. Thanks for the warning re the new one. One has to wonder of Little Blackie would have been so enthusiastic if given a choice in the matter…

        Mr Beef was not FF’s type, it has to be said. I loved the way they had to keep telling us he was incredibly handsome just in case we didn’t notice… ;)

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 02:01

        Of course he (she, I can’t remember) would! It was saving its rider! Now, had the professor been the horse, I might have killed whatever-her-name-was on purpose. Wasn’t Wayne stellar at the end?

        *laughing* I laugh at many different scenes in that movie! So funny. Beef does have a good voice in the beginning. Too bad I wasn’t there…

      • 176 FictionFan April 8, 2014 at 13:50

        Yes, but she was a bit annoying – I wish the professor had been the horse! He was…and wasn’t it lucky that all four of the baddies had such rotten aim?

        The Professor would have been a much handsomer Beef and I’m quite sure would have behaved better too…

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 23:55

        The horse? Humph noodles to that! He was! That’s the Duke shield for you. I love that scene. Doesn’t it seem like I would like that?

        Yes, he was a bit rude. The professor would have been…funnier. And I would have shot Cheney so he didn’t bash me in the head with a brick or whatever.

      • 178 FictionFan April 9, 2014 at 13:43

        *chuckling* Yes, it does!

        Is that what happened? I kind of missed how he died since it was sandwiched between Beau dying and the Duke murdering Little Blackie…

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:45

        *smiles like a waffle*

        Who’s Beau?

      • 180 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:45

        Just remembered who Beau was! *laughing* He needed to die to save the Duke.

      • 181 FictionFan April 9, 2014 at 19:51

        I’d love to see a Professorishly waffly smile…bet it’s c&a.

        How could you forget poor Beau! And now you’re laughing at him dying!!! I think where we differ is that you think the humans are worth saving…

      • 182 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 01:18

        You can’t be sure, though. I can, but I don’t know such things. Such a quagmire! (My analysts are always saying that to me.)

        All humans are a bad lot, but the professor is right there with them. Every one knows a horse is wicked to the heart.

      • 183 FictionFan April 10, 2014 at 14:01

        That’s true – perhaps it’s hideous and terrifying… *shock* (*chuckling* You shouldn’t let them read your tags then.)

        I’m going to tell DR that you said her horse is wicked to the heart…

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke April 10, 2014 at 19:56

        Yes, and scary! Oh, you said that. (I really thought, in the beginning, that my tags were invisible.)

        I think DR would agree that Starzz is wicked!

      • 185 FictionFan April 10, 2014 at 22:15

        (*laughing* See, when you say things like that, I sometimes wonder if you really are 82…)

        I think DR is more likely to agree with me that the Professor is wicked!

      • 186 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2014 at 18:28

        I really did. I was shocked when they came up in conversation. Took me a while to figure out what a tag was, too.

        Oh, we all know that! It’s a truth universally acknowledged… (Rumor has it that J. Austen screams if from the grave!)

    • 187 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 15:35

      I have seen Doris Day films but–yawn–they’re just so–yawn, yawn–so, you know.

      This weekend I’ll probably end up watching something along the lines of Terminator or Predator. A perfect blend of brutality and comedy.

      BTW, I’m glad you liked “Let it Go.” It is all the rage over here now.

      • 188 FictionFan April 3, 2014 at 21:44

        Ah well, Bubbles, I fear I won’t be able to invite you over for film-night either…

        Really? For some reason I wouldn’t have thought it to be quite your kind of thing.

    • 189 deanthefish April 3, 2014 at 22:11

      “Either,” implying that no one else of your acquaintance appreciates Miss Day’s talent either?

      WHo? My taste’s or America’s? My taste is summed up thus:

      Formal Music: Classical through Modern
      Jazz Music: When I’m playing it
      Pop Music: Disney, Broadway Musicals, and a smattering of everything else

      This is a great one!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48YcZsB3sgk

      • 190 FictionFan April 4, 2014 at 16:39

        No, I was referring specifically to the Professor, who’s not being invited for a different reason…

        Hmm…we may cross over a bit on the Classical side – I’m still waiting for the Prof to teach me to appreciate jazz – and I’d swap you Broadway Musicals for classic Hollywood Musicals – where the dance is as important as the music.

        One for you – though it makes me think of Manly-Man too… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urXu1Z1g61M

  13. 191 Angeline M April 2, 2014 at 14:40

    Thanks for the good morning laugh! I think I’m going to like you and Amelia and your little encounters. And Schwarz?…..fantastic stuff!

    • 192 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:15

      Oh dear. I think I should ask her to dinner as way of a apology. Do you think so?

  14. 193 Susan P April 2, 2014 at 14:22

    That woman has a gift. I’m not sure what it is yet, but the silence she leaves when she exits the room deafens silence.

    • 194 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:15

      It’s a nice gift, I’d say. Don’t you think?

      • 195 Susan P April 2, 2014 at 18:40

        I think I’m going to cultivate a friendship there.

      • 196 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:06

        What kind of one?

  15. 197 PorterGirl April 2, 2014 at 13:52

    Haha! I *almost* feel sorry for Amelia (almost). Great remark by Schwarz – innocent enough, I feel. Some people are fat, it is true. Some of them were not always fat. I am a little jealous that you were in Cashew City, I was just thinking how much I fancied some nuts…

    • 198 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:13

      We should go some time, Lucy. We could get chocolate covered cashews!

      Yes, don’t you think Amelia overreacted, though?

      • 199 PorterGirl April 2, 2014 at 18:36

        Amelia seems to overreact fairly often. I suppose some ladies are just a little dramatic at times. She needs a nice cup of tea to calm her down.

        We should definitely go! I do like the sound of chocolate covered cashews. I like cashews of all kinds!

      • 200 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:06

        Yes, I think you’re right, Lucy. As a matter of fact, I think I should have you speak with her.

        Yes, that’s the spirit! But do you like tofu?

      • 201 PorterGirl April 3, 2014 at 05:35

        I’ve never had tofu – is it nice?

        I will take Amelia under my wing and chill her out a bit :)

      • 202 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:24

        It is! I like it lots. I’ll have to send you some.

        Yes, thanks, Lucy. That would help a bit, for sure. She needs a sensible lady to talk to her!

      • 203 PorterGirl April 4, 2014 at 05:27

        I don’t get called sensible very often :D

      • 204 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 13:27

        *laughing* Me neither. But I think you are–overall! You’re also humorous, you know.

      • 205 PorterGirl April 4, 2014 at 13:59

        Professor, you are too kind ;)

      • 206 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 18:37

        *hides in the closet* Like MM would probably do.

  16. 207 walt walker April 2, 2014 at 13:27

    Oh dear, Schwarzie. Oh my goodness. And of course all conversation stopped, and the silverware ceased to clack, and for a moment time stood still while the awkwardaciousness of it ensonced all.

    Will he apologize?

    • 208 Susan P April 2, 2014 at 14:22

      Does he ever?

      • 209 walt walker April 2, 2014 at 15:24

        I hope not.

      • 210 Susan P April 2, 2014 at 17:04

        Really big grin!

      • 211 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:22

        *biggest grin*

      • 212 Susan P April 2, 2014 at 18:40

        Double grin.

      • 213 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:07

        I can’t best that!

      • 214 Susan P April 3, 2014 at 12:53

        That’s because you are keeping busy.

      • 215 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 01:41

        That’s what my analysts say, and you should trust them.

      • 216 Susan P April 4, 2014 at 15:27

        Or not.

      • 217 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2014 at 18:49

        Yes, never trust them actually. They lie.

      • 218 Susan P April 4, 2014 at 21:47

        Like the professor?

      • 219 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2014 at 13:21

        *shock face* *laughing* I’m honest, aren’t I?

      • 220 Susan P April 7, 2014 at 17:47

        Mostly. :D

      • 221 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 01:44

        (Look how I’ve destroyed the smileys.)

      • 222 Susan P April 8, 2014 at 12:24

        Bad smileys need to be destroyed.

      • 223 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2014 at 23:14

        Yes, that’s quite right. And I did it!

      • 224 Susan P April 9, 2014 at 18:13

        Bravo!

      • 225 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2014 at 18:57

        *smiles very bigly*

      • 226 Susan P April 10, 2014 at 17:18

        :D

    • 227 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2014 at 17:13

      Yes, it got deathly quiet. I’m almost sure not. Should I for him?

      • 228 walt walker April 2, 2014 at 19:22

        That might be the right thing to do, which might be why you shouldn’t.

      • 229 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2014 at 02:07

        Yes, I see what you’re saying, Mr. Walker. So, I should refrain from apologizing, then?


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