The PL Times
The Official Punchy Lands’ Newspaper
Monday, April 21, 2014
Section A. Punchy Proverbs:
NOTE: The following proverbs were written by various members of the Salami family.
(1) If ya see a rabbit on the road it’s best ta kill it. ~ Daddy Salami [i.e. Take what comes your way.]
(2) The higher you bounce a ball, the higher it will go. ~ Ruber Salami
(3) A tortoise never beats a hare; slow and steady only wins the race when the race isn’t about running. ~ V. Shnodgrate (Not sure how he got in here, since he’s not a member of the Salami family.)
(4) The slower you drink the faster you’ll die. ~ Julliard Salami
(5) The major difference between a dictator and a king is that a dictator uses what he has. ~ Oregano Salami
Favorites, Punchy Family?
Section B. The professor speaks:
I’ve been puzzling professorishly over this picture for some time now. Is the water muddy, or just dirty with fish guts?
I forgot. Here is a truth universally acknowledged:
The professor can be mathematically explained. This is a wonder since his equation has yet to be discovered.
Section C. What the PL’ers have to say:
A short conversation:
BUD PARKER: Hey, bud, what’s up?
KING ARTHUR: I’m a king. Please refer to me as your kingship.
BUD PARKER: Now, bud, that just sounds a bit wrong. I mean, can I really call you Kingship?
KING ARTHUR: You’re being dull on purpose. And that’s maddening. Just call me King Arthur.
BUD PARKER: Sure, bud King Arthur.
KING ARTHUR: You’re hopeless.
BUD PARKER: And you’re the king, bud.
Section D. Hearing from Nicholas Warren
Nicholas Warren is a creative writer for the PL. His stories and ideas appear in many Punchy skits, stories, and parodies.
The professor and I met a while ago. But he doesn’t want me to tell you how—so just know that we know each other and that I work with him. Normally, most of the work done at the Punchy Lands blog is done by the professor, but every once in a while, when he’s feeling depressed, tired, lazy, un-professorish, or anything else, he’ll have me come in to help him. That help pretty much amounts to aiding in writing stories, skits, or in brainstorming where to take the blog.
Now, just in case you’re questioning my legitimacy in aiding the professor in his Punchyish duties, let me say I have a lot experience in these matters. I have spoken to and interacted with, on in-depth levels, almost all of the characters of the PL. It’s…dangerous.
Anyways, that’s about all—at least all I can tell. Hope it cleared some things up.
~ Nicholas Warren
Section E. Hearing from the PL Family:
PL family, if you have any questions about the Punchy Lands, characters, or anything Punchy, feel free to comment below.
The Punchy Times principal reporter, J. Freedwoppen, would be more than glad to cover or investigate your query. (Make sure to clearly indicate your question for Mr. Freedwoppen.)
The PL Times!