Prince Beef and the Professor

So, the professor was about. (I only go about sometimes, and very rarely.)

I was actually strolling in Prince Beef’s royal gardens. (I found the gate unlocked. Either somebody was expecting me, or someone didn’t care enough to stop me.)

The professor strolled, walked, and sprinted [professor’s never skip] throughout the gardens.

Then, unluckily for me, I ran into Prince Beef and his…lady-friend, Greta. They were sitting at a stone table of sorts.

Prince Beef seemed surprised. “P.VJ? What are you doing here?”

I knew I’d been caught, and lies never work in that sort of situation, so I told the truth—my professorish version, of course.

“Your gardener left the door open for me, I think.”

“Malediction!” Prince Beef almost shouted. “Your un-royal foot should not be walking on my garden path, should it? My wish is that you answer ‘no’, by the way.”

The professor wasn’t sure what to say.

Greta laughed. “Don’t be too harsh on him, my prince.”

Prince Beef smiled. “Very well. P.VJ, join us—now!”

I sat at the table.

“As I was saying,” the prince resumed, “my destiny is bound to be glorious, don’t you think so, P.VJ?”

“It depends,” I answered. “And I’m rather unsure on the prospect.”

The prince was angry. “What do you mean?!”

“Well, I know my destiny is bound to be dadblamery.”

The prince was tapping his foot angrily. “Don’t compare me to you—as is your wont. The differences between us are clear. I’m smart, you’re not. You dress oddly, and I don’t!”

“Prince Beef!” Greta didn’t seem to approve.

“That pink feather you have sticking out of your hat is a wonder,” I offered.

The prince stared at me for a moment. “You say the gardener let you in?”

I was caught. “I suppose so, yes. I mean, I think so. Don’t you think so?”

The prince waved his hand. “It’s not my job to think.”

“It’s not mine either,” I admitted.

“Everyone will have a great destiny,” Greta said. “All you have to do is get out there and define it a bit.”

“How so, dear?” the prince asked.

“The pink feather is a start,” I offered. “That defines a lot about a man.”

The prince turned to me. “How so, you scheming swine?”

I stood. “I really have to run.” And I started off down the path.

“Get back here!” the prince roared. “I’ll whip the gardener for letting you in!”

And as I left, I heard Daddy Salami singing as he skipped down the path–from the other way.

And just before I rounded the corner and was gone, I heard this:

THE PRINCE: “What are you?”

DADDY SALAMI: Hehaha! The gardener.

I left in a hurry then.

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279 Responses to “Prince Beef and the Professor”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 April 24, 2014 at 16:10

    That… was vaguely disturbing. I mean about Daddy Salami at the end. :-P
    Anyway, I don’t think I like Prince Beef, but Greta seems a decent sort…

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:02

      She is decent, for sure. But what do you think about Daddy Salami?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 April 24, 2014 at 23:08

        Daddy Salami… *turns him bright neon pink with spots* That’s what I think of him. Is he secretly a Brony? Oh, wait, that has nothing to do with it, but I would still like to know…
        Daddy Salami is mean, and if he was mean and I saw it I’d go out of my way to turn him into a newt. :-P

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:33

        But what about his laugh?

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 April 24, 2014 at 23:53

        It just creeps me out. It’s not that unsettling, just jangling on the nerves.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 12:49

        And I was hoping you’d have dinner at his hut, you know.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 April 25, 2014 at 16:27

        Maybe… that is, I’ll definitely have my lightsaber with me. :-P

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 18:24

        Of course, I’d go along with you.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 April 25, 2014 at 23:03

        Thanks! :-)
        Though, I should warn you. You might want to wear your less-fancy clothes, because I have a tendency to start food fights, and with Daddy Salami around… it might get serious. :-P

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2014 at 16:07

        *laughing* Okay! I’ve never been in a food fight.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 April 26, 2014 at 17:18

        X-D It’s awesome! And one time I quoted Shakespeare as I dumped my oatmeal down Anakin’s back, so it’s also professorish. ;-)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2014 at 18:52

        *laughing* I bet Anakin was cranky!

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 April 27, 2014 at 19:58

        Yeah, he was X-P But he was happy when he realized it meant he didn’t have to eat it! :-P Anakin doesn’t like oatmeal. I think he’s just weird.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 14:43

        Well, the professor doesn’t either!

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 April 28, 2014 at 22:16

        What’s your favorite breakfast food then? :-) Mine is probably scones… mmm…

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2014 at 17:37

        I like bear claws!

      • 17 erinkenobi2893 April 29, 2014 at 17:39

        Bear claws? As in the candy? Mmmm… but I don’t think that is breakfast food! :-P

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2014 at 18:00

        They are not! They’re like pastries. Hast thou had one?

      • 19 erinkenobi2893 April 29, 2014 at 18:04

        Oh, I must be thinking of turtles. I haven’t had one. :-S I have had turtles though. They are soooo good!

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2014 at 18:07

        What do they taste like? *laughs*

      • 21 erinkenobi2893 April 30, 2014 at 14:10

        Caramel and chocolate and pecans. Mmmmm. :-D

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2014 at 16:10

        Now I’m hungry.

      • 23 erinkenobi2893 May 1, 2014 at 14:41

        Me too… *makes muffins and scones to share* Mmmm…

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2014 at 20:06

        Mmm indeed!

      • 25 erinkenobi2893 May 2, 2014 at 12:55

        *makes mocha spread* I love this stuff. It’s almost like going out to Starbucks, which I can not afford in the first place. ;-P

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2014 at 13:08

        I’ve never had mocha spread!

      • 27 erinkenobi2893 May 2, 2014 at 13:21

        *gives you some* It’s basically cream cheese with sugar, vanilla, coffee, and chocolate chips in it. MMmmmmmm… ^_^

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2014 at 20:47

        That sounds tasty! But I’m not sure about the coffee…

      • 29 erinkenobi2893 May 3, 2014 at 19:46

        Why not? Is there something wrong???? Are instant coffee granules poisonous?! *gasps*
        Or is it just that you don’t like coffee? *sympathetic smile* I only drink it because…. well… my sister. :-P

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2014 at 12:40

        Oh, I don’t think it’s poisonous, but maybe! Yes, I must say the professor doesn’t like the taste. So, your sister forces you… Now that’s wicked.

      • 31 erinkenobi2893 May 5, 2014 at 14:45

        Oh. :-) I’m not big on coffee either. I mostly only drink it when I’m cold or need to fit in or be especially hyper. ;-P

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2014 at 18:04

        I had it one winter morning a few months back. And I did enjoy it!

      • 33 erinkenobi2893 May 5, 2014 at 23:48

        I drank it in a cantina once, when we were looking for a suspicious character. It was bitter and grainy, but no one else was complaining so I didn’t. :-P

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 12:41

        I would have complained!

      • 35 erinkenobi2893 May 6, 2014 at 12:48

        But you see, there were bounty hunters after us, so… *shrugs*

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 13:00

        I do see. But Jedis could take them any day.

      • 37 erinkenobi2893 May 6, 2014 at 14:41

        We were supposed to stay undercover. :-P

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 15:53

        Only the Sentinels, I thought.

      • 39 erinkenobi2893 May 6, 2014 at 18:15

        Not just the Sentinels do undercover work, y’know. Obi-Wan was not and isn’t one, but there was the Rako Hardeen debacle… :-P

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 23:06

        Now I’ve never heard about that.

      • 41 erinkenobi2893 May 8, 2014 at 11:02

        Oh, it was quite the mess. Obi-Wan faked his own death!

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke May 8, 2014 at 14:52

        Which was a dastardly thing to do.

      • 43 erinkenobi2893 May 9, 2014 at 14:47

        It nearly led to wreck, wrath and ruin!

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke May 9, 2014 at 20:44

        And hate!

      • 45 erinkenobi2893 May 10, 2014 at 13:05

        Oh yes. Anakin was pretty mad afterwards, even though Obi-Wan sort of had to do it, to save the Chancellor… I think that if Obi-Wan didn’t have that sort of inner brightness, he’d be pretty scary, since he has the will to do his duty no matter the consequences. Of course, he does have a moral compass that might stay his hand, but he could be completely merciless if it was absolutely necessary.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke May 12, 2014 at 12:49

        Hmm, I see. It’s a wonder.

      • 47 erinkenobi2893 May 13, 2014 at 13:37

        Yeah, it was also a mess… And Anakin being so illogical wasn’t helping matters much.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke May 14, 2014 at 12:57

        For sure!

      • 49 erinkenobi2893 May 14, 2014 at 13:02

        I mean, he likes the Chancellor and Obi-Wan was trying to save the Chancellor, but instead of looking at it like “oh, Obi-Wan was doing it to protect my friend (even if he was more doing it to save the Republic,)” he thought “Obi-Wan faked his death and didn’t tell me!” Sheesh. Can’t he stop being such a pessimist?!

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke May 14, 2014 at 13:20

        Pessimists are so wicked.

      • 51 erinkenobi2893 May 15, 2014 at 15:05

        Indeed. (Except when they are humorous pessimists.)

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:12

        Like Twain!

      • 53 erinkenobi2893 May 16, 2014 at 17:16

        Yes. :-P Or Puddleglum.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:09

        Oh, he wasn’t wise!

      • 55 erinkenobi2893 May 19, 2014 at 12:54

        No, but he was pessimistic. And funny.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:54

        I guess so, yes.

      • 57 erinkenobi2893 May 19, 2014 at 16:18

        Despite being a pessimist, he was one of the more infamous humor inserts…. The only one more infamous is Jar Jar…
        HEY WAIT! GEORGE LUCAS RIPPED OFF “THE SILVER CHAIR”?! WHAT?! NOOOO!

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2014 at 00:03

        George needs to be beaten for some things, I agree.

      • 59 erinkenobi2893 May 20, 2014 at 13:12

        Indeed. Jar Jar rips off Puddleglum. *sigh* Poor Puddleglum. It’s not easy, being original.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:40

        But it can be fun.

      • 61 erinkenobi2893 May 21, 2014 at 13:38

        Yes. :-P That’s why I’m so outrageous at times.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 19:28

        Haha. I see!

      • 63 erinkenobi2893 May 22, 2014 at 12:07

        *throws a pie at random silly person*

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2014 at 15:56

        Can I have a pie?

      • 65 erinkenobi2893 May 22, 2014 at 16:18

        Sure! *hands you a cherry pie* :-D

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke May 23, 2014 at 14:44

        Many thanks! But now I kinda want to eat it…

      • 67 erinkenobi2893 May 23, 2014 at 17:38

        It’s okay with me. :-P

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke May 25, 2014 at 17:12

        Here’s a slice.

      • 69 erinkenobi2893 May 25, 2014 at 18:44

        Thanks! :-D

  2. 70 Me, Myself and DIY April 24, 2014 at 11:24

    This one made me laugh. Pink feather indeed. Flamingo perhaps?

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:57

      Perhaps it was. You know, PB does have a bunch of those beasts. He loves them. Would you wear a pink feather?

      • 72 Me, Myself and DIY April 24, 2014 at 15:51

        Probably not. Pink isn’t my thing!

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:01

        Me neither! How about red?

      • 74 Me, Myself and DIY April 25, 2014 at 00:15

        Hmmmm, blue?

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 13:07

        Over red? You must pick red!

      • 76 Me, Myself and DIY April 25, 2014 at 15:02

        Why must I pick red?

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 18:14

        Oh, because I think it’s the spiciest color ever, you know. It’s the professor’s favorite. *smiles bigly*

      • 78 Me, Myself and DIY April 25, 2014 at 20:59

        Well if you insist. Since it is your story, I’m ok with that. :)

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2014 at 15:56

        Well…black is acceptable?

      • 80 Me, Myself and DIY April 27, 2014 at 10:56

        I would wear a black feather.

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2014 at 19:07

        Awesome! And I’d want one, too.

  3. 82 Jackie April 23, 2014 at 20:45

    Now that was an ending! Set dial to maximum punchiliciouness! :-D

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:42

      *laughing* It was a zinger, Jackie!

      • 84 Jackie April 24, 2014 at 23:24

        You betcha! ;-)

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:38

        Haha!

  4. 86 L. Marie April 23, 2014 at 12:32

    I sense something will go wrong in Prince Beef’s garden very soon. Good thing you left when you did, though I must say, Professor, you like to live dangerously. Hmm. Could that be your destiny? To continue living dangerously by sneaking into places where you’re told you shouldn’t be? In that case, you ought to to Mr. Ratherquite’s house uninvited, since he usually goes everywhere uninvited.

    • 87 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:32

      Now that is an idea! I do wonder what’s up at Mr. R’s house. Hmm…

      And I think you could be right about my destiny. The destiny of a warrior, I hope! But I usually don’t mean to get into trouble, you know.

  5. 88 Julie Harris April 23, 2014 at 01:01

    I am trying to picture all of this… and the pink feather… Are you going to have a sequel with the Prince and DS?

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 01:14

      Should I? The professor ran out before it got horridly vicious!

      • 90 Julie Harris April 23, 2014 at 02:19

        Most definitely! Yes, he left just in time!

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:19

        It was a wonder that DS was coming, for sure.

  6. 92 Simply Skeptical April 22, 2014 at 23:25

    Is Prince Beef married? I mean is there no Queen? Lady friend indeed! Professor you’re not a fibber just an evader; LOL! It would be interesting to see/hear Salami’s response to getting whipped or better yet Prince Beef’s attempt to do so.

    • 93 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:46

      Well, he might marry her. It’s said that Greta is Queen Gertrude of Austria, who happens to be Schwarz’s younger sister. But that’s a different story for another time.

      Yeah, I don’t think the prince would succeed, do you?

  7. 94 The Dancing Rider April 22, 2014 at 21:25

    Prince Beef’s head is full of same. Oh! Those “conversations” vex me beyond belief.

    I was actually glad that DS was the gardener. I would like to see Prince Beef TRY to “whip” him! :) Pink feather and all.

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:44

      *laughing* I know what you mean. Would you slap him, do you think?

      It wouldn’t work well. Do you suppose Prince Beef might catch it?

      • 96 The Dancing Rider April 23, 2014 at 13:24

        In a fictional world, of course I am drooling over the possibility of slapping him a good one!

        LOL, of course he would! He must have it! :)

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:43

        He definitely needs one! *laughs* I love your spunk, DR!

        And I think he’ll get it sooner or later, for sure.

  8. 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 22, 2014 at 20:23

    First of all, you told me you skipped. Hmm?

    Second of all, your destiny is not dadblamery, tis a wonder, if anything.

    Thirdly of all, I love the Prince’s garden, but what is DS up to now?

    Lastly of all, I love reading your stories.
    *smiles*

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:43

      I did! And when I wrote that I remembered telling you that. But warriors don’t skip. My other self might, though.

      A wonder…how?

      Well, I bet he was helping out. It was a nice garden. I saw Charlie there.

      Aw, thanks, Audith!

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 23, 2014 at 02:27

        Will the real Duketh please stand up?!

        Just as everyone’s destiny is a wonder, I suppose.

        It sounds like he was about to give a “what for” to Prince Beef. A nice day for a walk. Wait? He was there, too? Just like the two of you to go off without me. How was he?

        *figures that he thinks I’m just being nice*

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:21

        I’m not sure where he lives, you know.

        I suppose you may have a point there. Except mine; it’s dadblamery.

        He was quite cranky with me, for sure. I don’t think he likes me anymore.

        I believe you!

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 23, 2014 at 19:51

        Well, don’t ask me, I haven’t the foggiest idea where he lives, although I may have one little wish of an idea. *wink*

        I thought we agreed it was only a wonder…?

        Well, you flicked him into the forest! What do you expect?!

        I hope you do!

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:13

        Ooo, where do you wish?

        Well, we did. But I busted the idea again. Sorry.

        He deserved that!

        I…I…I’m the professor, btw.

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 24, 2014 at 19:13

        If only it were that easy to get an answer from me. *snaps her fingers*

        *enjoying her loooonnnggg walk in circles* It’s nice here isn’t it, Duketh? *smiling*

        Here’s a piece of cheese calm down. He’s so young and doesn’t know better.

        *laughs* A professor with no memory.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:17

        *waiting for the answer* *starts humming*

        *laughing lots* I love how you put things.

        Well, we should find him and have him apologize, then, right?

        I’ve got…I do too!

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 25, 2014 at 02:51

        Maybe you live in a tent. *snaps faster*

        *still circling* Getting a bit dizzy now and loves that she made you laugh.

        Well, yes, it would be the right thing to do. *starts walking towards the trees again* (we spend a heck of a lot of time by the trees and never go in.)

        Yes, of course you do….

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 13:16

        Or a sandcastle.

        *falls down*

        I know! What’s with that?

        I did. I killed it. It’s dead now.

      • 108 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 25, 2014 at 19:40

        Or a bee hive.

        *trips over you*

        *laughs* I don’t know. I’m going in!! Well, look here, Duke!!

        It can’t be dead. I’m counting on it!

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2014 at 15:55

        Which is coolio…

        Whoops! *laughs*

        *runs after Audith* Ahh, what?

        It’s there. More intact than you know. We all play parts.

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 26, 2014 at 21:24

        I don’t know how you manage to calm them all, you must have a way with the Queen. *winks*

        *laughs* This is what happens when I try to entertain you.

        *points to the map nailed to the tallest tree ever*

        *shakes her head at you* *bows to the master*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2014 at 19:06

        Hmm…that’s a dangerous saying, I think. I mean, there seems to be another message there. Right?

        You mean you tripped to entertain me?!

        You better climb and get it, Audith.

        *wonders where the master is*

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 27, 2014 at 23:43

        Bees are dangerous. Another message? (Not that I know of…) You do, however, come across as the type to make it through tough situations with ease. i.e. bee hives *sure she’s missing something, as usual*

        I think I did…

        I think we’ll leave it alone.

        *Looks around and finds him sitting on a bench*

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 14:49

        I like that you think that! And I hope it’s true!

        *laughs* It worked…

        No! We can’t. We must get it. It might be a treasure map.

        *wonders what he looks like*

      • 114 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 28, 2014 at 19:26

        *wonders what she missed because she knows she missed something important there* I do think that, Duke. I think it is most def true.

        Always a comic for you, you know.

        But I have a dress on, you’ll have to climb. Get going, let me hold your backpack.

        *she wonders all the time*

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 19:36

        Well, I think I might have missed it too, then.

        *smiles bigly big*

        Okay. Hold the katana too, please.

        Oh me! Sometimes my mind… Umm…probably nothing like you picture.

      • 116 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 28, 2014 at 19:45

        Of course you did…twould make sense.

        (you always do)

        Okay. Look how brave I am holding that katana. I’m amazing…wait. No, I’m not.

        You have no idea who I picture.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 19:50

        Yes, it would.

        Can’t help it. I’ll frown more often, then.

        Yes, you are, dadblameit!

        I kinda do.

      • 118 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 28, 2014 at 19:57

        *reminds you how much I can’t stand that* *laughs*

        No, don’t frown. Or do, it’s a nice look.

        I was just poking you a bit, Duke.

        No you don’t. How could you know something like that. You don’t see my mind…

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 20:21

        Oh dear… I failed again.

        It is! I love doing it sometimes. For promo shots, that is.

        With the katana?!

        That’s true. But…

      • 120 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 28, 2014 at 20:29

        No, you didn’t. I adore you.

        Quit it!! You’re just mean!!!

        Yes, actually. I think I am now… *laughs*

        But, what!!?? What do you think I think??????

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 20:30

        *grabs the pillow*

        *smiles bigly* I know, right?

        *climbs all the way up the tree*

        I think I know what you think.

      • 122 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 28, 2014 at 20:38

        You burned that, remember?

        *laughs* I said that…I think I do know I’m right!

        *watches you brilliantly showing off*

        Well…tell me then?

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2014 at 17:23

        I bought a new yellow one.

        I said it again so I could process it.

        *falls out of the tree*

        Oh no! that would ruin everything.

      • 124 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 29, 2014 at 19:29

        Yellow? Oh my…

        Did it stick?

        *pulls over the pillow and gets out of the way*
        *wonders if he held on to the treasure map*

        Yes, it would.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2014 at 22:01

        What’s wrong with yellow, pray?

        Umm…no!

        *shock* You pulled the pillow away? I’m going to get the cops!

        See? If you really knew the professor you’d hate him.

      • 126 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 30, 2014 at 00:44

        Nothing..tis the color of the sun. Just surprised is all…

        You sure?

        I was setting it up to catch you. What do you take me for… *gets red in the face*

        I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that, Sir!!!!! *starts throwing glasses from the cupboard*

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2014 at 15:55

        Everyone knows the sun is orange, dadblameit!

        Not positively!

        Oh! I was a little surprised I admit it. But, you wanting to throw the cherry juice on me has affected me, you see…

        Hey! You’ll break something! Never mind. I didn’t…mean it?

      • 128 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 30, 2014 at 20:13

        Not everyone, Duke. *looks away*

        What is what I thought!

        I can see how it would…

        I broke a lot of them… *looks at the floor* I hope you didn’t mean that…

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2014 at 12:57

        You’re right: MM thinks it’s yellow.

        Rats and a Heifer.

        Yes, cherry juice is precious.

        Goodness! Not in the way you took it, I think.

      • 130 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 1, 2014 at 15:43

        So does Audith…

        Cherry juice is dull.

        I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sir!

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2014 at 20:12

        Dull? Like I thought. You’ve never had the “suitable” stuff.

        Well, either I don’t or I’m dull. I think it’s the latter.

      • 132 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 1, 2014 at 20:24

        Probably not…Why would I buy cherry juice, unless you were going to be here to drink it. Such an odd drink…

        I’d like to think that you are not dull… *waits hopeful*

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2014 at 20:29

        *shock* Because it’s tasty!

        Me too. Am I?

      • 134 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 1, 2014 at 20:42

        I should try it…

        No, not one little bit, Duketh. Nope noeth no… *looks away*

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2014 at 12:46

        You should!

        *and that’s when she sees Charlie*

      • 136 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 2, 2014 at 18:20

        I will, for you.

        *picks him up and puts him on your shoulder* Let’s take him for a walk. Grab your cane!

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2014 at 21:06

        Really honored. Really.

        (It’s actually a sword cane.)

      • 138 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 3, 2014 at 05:07

        It’s juice…this is what honors you. Starts riping up her poems.

        (Suave… )

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2014 at 19:07

        Oh, those are on a different level. I’ve actually kept some of our discussions–and poems–for when I need to read such stuff. Special is the word that describes them best.

        (And vicious!)

      • 140 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 3, 2014 at 20:10

        I hope you’ve kept the right ones, Duke. Our discussions are special to me, as well.

        Just keep it on the other side of you. It’s so sharp!

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2014 at 12:53

        Oh, I have. *smiles*

        It is!

      • 142 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 5, 2014 at 13:32

        *wishes she had some of them, too*

        Where are we going? Charlie is so far ahead of us, and for a slug that really means something. I blame your sword for distracting me.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2014 at 17:34

        Charlie needs a beating! Well, let’s get one then!

      • 144 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 5, 2014 at 19:13

        Why do you always want to beat Charlie? Do you do it in a lovingly way, Duketh? Get what? A sword?

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2014 at 23:20

        I meant get on, actually. Charlie is always showing me up!

      • 146 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 5, 2014 at 23:46

        No one could show you up. Trust me…

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 12:38

        *smiles bigly*

      • 148 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 6, 2014 at 13:55

        Why are you smiley bigly, Duketh?

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 15:48

        Because we both know it’s wrong!

      • 150 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 6, 2014 at 19:09

        NO! It is right…you are so far ahead it isn’t even a race.

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2014 at 23:13

        I am a fast sprinter…

      • 152 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 7, 2014 at 00:02

        Somehow, I believe you…

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke May 7, 2014 at 14:02

        It’s fun.

      • 154 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 7, 2014 at 19:55

        I bet you go really fast, too.

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke May 7, 2014 at 23:43

        In the brain? Yes!

      • 156 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 8, 2014 at 01:48

        Haha! Well, I run fast in my brain, too.

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke May 8, 2014 at 14:34

        For sure. I think it’s overdrive mode. *laughs*

      • 158 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 8, 2014 at 14:56

        Yes, probably, so!

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke May 8, 2014 at 15:10

        Haha!

      • 160 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 8, 2014 at 15:14

        You are so funny!

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke May 8, 2014 at 15:17

        So are you!

      • 162 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 8, 2014 at 15:24

        *smiles* Thank you

      • 163 Professor VJ Duke May 8, 2014 at 18:54

        *smiles*

  9. 164 ladycheetah7 April 22, 2014 at 19:33

    Oh wow! What a glorious ending. I did not expect for DS to be the gardener…pretty….pretty…..good. That is what I call a PL cliffhanger. Honestly PVJ, did you have to be so antagonistic? I would think you purposely went in looking for a fight.

    • 165 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:42

      Neither did I!

      The professor? I was not! I thought I was sweet, and then diffused the situation, right?

      • 166 ladycheetah7 April 23, 2014 at 00:44

        If you say so…..lol

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:54

        I”m a sweet, dull thing, you know.

  10. 168 symphonistsepperl April 22, 2014 at 19:19

    Check it out! deanthefish’s days are OVER!

    • 169 FictionFan April 23, 2014 at 00:28

      Simply superb, symphonistsepperl! Sophisticated signature!

      (But you’ll always be Bubbles to me…)

    • 170 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:42

      Finally! Awesome. I’ll announce it tomorrow, love.

      • 171 Symphonist Sepperl April 23, 2014 at 01:06

        Grazie! Molto gentile!

  11. 172 Lesley April 22, 2014 at 18:40

    hahaha –> “It depends,” I answered. “And I’m rather unsure on the prospect.” I think your rudeness was only masked by your subtlety.

    Say, Professor, what can you tell about a man who has a pink feather on his hat?

    • 173 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:40

      Haha! Thanks, Lesley. It’s amazing how much you can get away with if you use humor and you’re subtle!

      Well…I mean, either he’s into fashion or he’s not manly. What do you think? (Of course, I might wear such a feather as a joke.)

      • 174 Lesley April 23, 2014 at 04:35

        Yes, and I was getting scared for you because it seemed like Beefy’s wife was taking a liking to you….

        With PB, it could be both. He’s into fashion and he’s not manly (no is he gentlanly).

        If you do wear a pink feather as a joke, make sure we do understand it’s a joke :-)

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:31

        No! I hope not. Beefy is a wonderful name for him. I suppose I should watch out.

        I think you’re right overall.

        *laughing lots* For sure! Wrong impressions could be dastardly!

      • 176 Lesley April 23, 2014 at 18:44

        Oh, I meant he isn’t gentlemanly. I should check my speling next time ;-) (I know, it’s spelling)

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 19:03

        Haha, I make errors all the time. But, yes, you’re right. He’s too proud!

      • 178 Lesley April 23, 2014 at 19:10

        Haha he is. And I bet he won’t like me calling him Beefy!

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:09

        I’m sure he won’t! What would you do if he screamed at you for it?

      • 180 Lesley April 24, 2014 at 17:38

        I’d do what you did – run! I don’t want to know what the fella’s capable of.

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:07

        Mr. Magi isn’t scared of him at all, you know. He’d stare him down–and win!

      • 182 Lesley April 28, 2014 at 18:57

        I guess with Mr. Magi I’d stand my ground (behind Mr. Magi of course)

      • 183 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 19:25

        Haha, me too!

  12. 184 Susan P April 22, 2014 at 18:22

    Prince Beef needs some lessons in manners. His rudeness exceeds his ego, which is immense.

    • 185 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:39

      Yes, don’t you think I fetched him out?

      • 186 Susan P April 23, 2014 at 17:32

        You done good, Perfeser.

      • 187 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:55

        And then DS showed up.

      • 188 Susan P April 24, 2014 at 23:56

        Let’s face it: if you left out DS you would have the wrath of your followers on your hands.

      • 189 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 13:01

        Well…you sure about that?

      • 190 Susan P April 25, 2014 at 14:50

        I know of at least one who would foment a rebellion.

      • 191 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 18:05

        Yes…Miss Susan!

      • 192 Susan P April 25, 2014 at 18:30

        Durn straight!

      • 193 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 18:48

        Durn…hmm…I like that lots.

      • 194 Susan P April 25, 2014 at 18:52

        :D

  13. 195 bardictale April 22, 2014 at 17:13

    Oh dear! I wonder who’ll leave the garden intact.

    • 196 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:34

      Well, aren’t messy gardens, cool?

      • 197 bardictale April 23, 2014 at 03:28

        Oh, yes. They’re the coolest, not to mention the nicest.

      • 198 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:29

        Ah, I thought you might think that.

      • 199 bardictale April 23, 2014 at 19:40

        May I ask why?

      • 200 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:12

        I’m not sure! Just…a feeling I get.

      • 201 bardictale April 24, 2014 at 15:24

        Um, okay. Does the professor think likening messy gardens makes you messy?

      • 202 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 22:57

        I do not! Should I?

      • 203 bardictale April 25, 2014 at 10:00

        Absolutely not, professor! You should never assume!

      • 204 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 13:18

        But I do sometimes, you know, Bard.

      • 205 bardictale April 25, 2014 at 14:19

        We all do, but isn’t a very good habit.

      • 206 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 18:02

        The professor has a wicked habit of being wicked, you know.

      • 207 bardictale April 26, 2014 at 20:05

        That is a known fact! The professor has said so himself multiple times.

      • 208 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2014 at 19:01

        Thanks, Bard. I’m usually not believed!

      • 209 bardictale April 28, 2014 at 03:36

        That is dreadful, professor.

      • 210 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 14:51

        It is!

  14. 211 InfiniteZip April 22, 2014 at 15:27

    Good thing they weren’t in the garden doing,,,hmmmm….uncivilized things of unmentionables.

    • 212 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:29

      Oh, like eating stolen chocolate, you mean.

      • 213 InfiniteZip April 23, 2014 at 00:34

        Yeah, okay, um, I think so? Isn’t that what they do in secret gardens?

      • 214 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:54

        Well, I thought so. Isn’t it?

  15. 215 Angeline M April 22, 2014 at 14:56

    Oh this is all so delicious. DS will find his way out of this and the tables (or gardens) will be turned. The Professor best beware of DS now especially the next time you are about.

    • 216 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:25

      *laughing* Good one, Angeline! Yes, do you suppose DS might take some revenge?

      • 217 Angeline M April 23, 2014 at 00:32

        It’s not my job to think either.

      • 218 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:53

        We should give up then?

      • 219 Angeline M April 23, 2014 at 04:24

        I wouldn’t go that far.

      • 220 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:30

        Oh dear…

  16. 221 walt walker April 22, 2014 at 14:35

    Delightful, Old Sport! This is is the Professor at his most bestest professorshipestness!

    • 222 walt walker April 22, 2014 at 14:36

      And I’ll take back one “is” if you don’t mind. Might need it later.

      • 223 deanthefish April 22, 2014 at 15:19

        Might I have it? Indeed, it a sad case that I seem to have lost one.

      • 224 walt walker April 22, 2014 at 17:30

        Ah, perhaps it is yours after all, then. Help yourself.

      • 225 deanthefish April 22, 2014 at 17:40

        Why, thank you sir.

      • 226 walt walker April 22, 2014 at 22:02

        My pleasure. Not one to hog an “is.”

    • 227 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:21

      *smiles really bigly* And many thanks! Prince Beef asked for it, you know!

  17. 228 Debbie April 22, 2014 at 14:24

    Greta sounds like a peace-maker, a nice quality to have but one that can get her into trouble (after all, the quarreling parties often turn on the one trying to resolve the dispute!). Meantime, the professor has certainly pointed the finger of blame upon the gardener, hasn’t he??

    • 229 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2014 at 14:28

      *hides head* I did! But I didn’t know the gardener was DS, and I didn’t know that he’d be coming along. Was it horribly wicked of me?

  18. 230 PorterGirl April 22, 2014 at 14:20

    Tee hee! Prince Beef is a funny chap, but quite rude to the Professor. And I’m not sure I like the sound of his feather.

    You dealt with him wonderfully, Professor

    • 231 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2014 at 14:27

      Thank you, Lucy! The prince is always a bit spicy like that, for sure.

      Yes, what do you make of his pink feather?

      • 232 PorterGirl April 22, 2014 at 14:44

        I am suspicious as to what kind of bird it came from. If the Prince is wearing the feather of a made-up bird I think one should be wary of him. Maybe he uses it for tickling people…

      • 233 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:25

        Oh dear! I hate ticklings, don’t you?

      • 234 PorterGirl April 23, 2014 at 05:16

        Indeed I do. They make me panic and squeal!

      • 235 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:31

        Yes! Devilish things.

  19. 236 E. April 22, 2014 at 13:30

    It seems Greta is the most rational of the three of you — or at least, the most polite.
    Daddy Salami seems like a tricky bugger — I like him!

    • 237 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2014 at 14:27

      *laughing* Was the professor too mean?

      I know! He’s always showing up where you least expect him, huh?

      • 238 E. April 22, 2014 at 14:28

        The Professor seemed wary of Prince Beef’s temper… At least, I was. That man has the shortest fuse I know of!

      • 239 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:20

        I was for sure, E! He does. He’s also a very proud sort of person. I think he should be made to do 30 push-ups. Don’t you?

      • 240 E. April 23, 2014 at 00:34

        Make it 50!

      • 241 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:54

        Wowawee! That’s how many I do.

      • 242 E. April 23, 2014 at 01:25

        Then it should be no problem for Prince Beef! Just flex your arm in front of him and call him a chicken — that ought to get him riled up!

      • 243 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:18

        Haha! It sure would. We’d see what he was made of, for sure!

  20. 244 FictionFan April 22, 2014 at 13:27

    How rude that awful Prince Beef was to the Professor! ‘scheming swine’ forsooth!! I’m glad you put him in his place! And getting the Sausage whipped – bonus! (Greta seems nice – is she gorgeous?)

    • 245 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2014 at 14:26

      I think it could have been a disaster overall–which is a few worries. I didn’t know DS was the gardener! Dadblameit. Prince Beef is always like that–similar to Darby, only the prince likes dancing.

      She’s a nice young lady, I think. The prince likes her. What constitutes as gorgeous?

      • 246 deanthefish April 22, 2014 at 15:21

        When one gorges and gorges and gorges until one’s skin is stretched tightly over their bloated body.

      • 247 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:29

        What a horrid thought, SS.

      • 248 FictionFan April 22, 2014 at 18:17

        It could have been except that the Professor is far too wily to be caught out! Hmm…so Beefy likes to dance, does he? I may have to change my opinion of him then…is he gorgeous?

        I thought she seemed lovely and think the Professor should steal her away from the Prince. This would have the added benefit of getting rid of Amelia. Gorgeous is…well…it’s…er…well, when you look at her do you feel a desire to blush and stammer? Do your pupils dilate and your heart thump? If so, she’s gorgeous.

        *laughing lots and lots* Is poor Bubbles having a bad day?

      • 249 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 00:39

        The professor is too wily for himself. What’s wily mean?

        Yes, Beef does, I think. Would you dance with him? Now I’d like to see that. Yes, you’d consider him gorgeous, I’m sure.

        Why would I do that? Dadblameit! I didn’t say that. The prince’s lady-friend? I should hope not! Wouldn’t that be wicked of me?

        He must be. That shocked me to the feet.

      • 250 FictionFan April 23, 2014 at 13:24

        Sneakily smart – has the Professor never met Wile E Coyote?

        Would you? You mean, you wouldn’t be jealous? Or even heartbroken? *sobs brokenly*

        One hopes it wasn’t a self-portrait…

      • 251 Professor VJ Duke April 23, 2014 at 18:44

        He was actually based one me. *broadsword smile*

        I don’t see what’s to be heartbroken over. Would you be for me?

        Haha! For sure.

      • 252 FictionFan April 23, 2014 at 22:53

        I can see the similarity. *claymore smile*

        If you danced with another woman in front of me? Not only would I be heartbroken, but you’d be headbroken…

      • 253 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 14:53

        No you can’t, dadblameit! Claymore’s are a lady’s weapon.

        Oh, I’d let you dance with her, then.

      • 254 FictionFan April 24, 2014 at 18:03

        Tell that to a patriotic Highlander! (And then run…)

        Huff-hum, sir! Spit-tooey to you then! With bells on!

      • 255 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2014 at 23:13

        You’d protect me, right?

        Hahahaha! Awesome! The last bit just won it all. *laughing*

      • 256 FictionFan April 25, 2014 at 14:52

        No, sorry! I’d be too busy dancing with Prince Beef… *swishes ballgown indignantly*

      • 257 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2014 at 18:08

        There’s no such thing as a ball gown!

      • 258 FictionFan April 25, 2014 at 22:50

        The Professor must be attending the wrong balls…or taking the wrong women. *frowns disapprovingly at thought of Professor and Amelia at a ball*

      • 259 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2014 at 15:59

        I’ve never been to a ball.

      • 260 FictionFan April 26, 2014 at 19:19

        (*wipes sad little tear from eye*)

        Fear not, Cinders, you SHALL go to the ball! *waves wand*

      • 261 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2014 at 18:58

        Now who is Cinders?

      • 262 FictionFan April 28, 2014 at 13:18

        Hehe! It occurred to me after I posted that comment that Americans don’t spend their childhood at pantomimes the way we do and that this line (which I assure you was really funny…) probably wouldn’t work on you.

        Cinderella – and that is the line spoken by her fairy godmother as she waves her wand and changes Cinders’ rags into a glorious ballgown…

      • 263 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 15:08

        *laughing* Well, it sorta worked in a a different way now…

        But I don’t want a ballgown!

      • 264 FictionFan April 28, 2014 at 18:09

        I know! That’s why I thought it was funny… *laughs in a lonely kind of way at her own little joke*

      • 265 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2014 at 19:22

        *laughing* Well, since I’m usually laughing, I’ll laugh with you. You’re so wicked. I think it’s BUS’s fault.

      • 266 FictionFan April 28, 2014 at 22:55

        Thank you! A pity laugh is always welcome… *winks sefl-deprecatingly* I think you’re right! I had to become wicked in my family just to survive…

      • 267 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2014 at 17:46

        And now you must learn how to become un-wicked…

      • 268 FictionFan April 29, 2014 at 22:41

        Wouldn’t that make me…dull?

      • 269 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2014 at 15:48

        You? Dull? Haha. Never. You’re far too witty, FEF. Like Lizio only much better.

      • 270 FictionFan April 30, 2014 at 19:02

        *smiles VERY smugly*

      • 271 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2014 at 12:48

        Well, I can’t picture a smug smile, so it does me no good, sir!

      • 272 FictionFan May 1, 2014 at 16:04

        Well, just assume it looks gorgeous…

      • 273 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2014 at 20:19

        Smug and I think of a pug…

      • 274 FictionFan May 2, 2014 at 00:50

        The Professor is calling FF a…pug??? You wait till I tell BUS…

      • 275 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2014 at 13:01

        Do you think BUS will giggle?

      • 276 FictionFan May 2, 2014 at 15:27

        As she’s beating you with your own femur? Probably.

      • 277 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2014 at 21:01

        Oh, that’s a horrid picture.

      • 278 FictionFan May 3, 2014 at 00:22

        *chuckling evil face*

      • 279 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2014 at 18:59

        I don’t believe you have one!


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