All proverbs are written by V. Shnodgrate unless noted otherwise.
1. Patience is a virtue—unless you’re in a hurry.
2. A teacher is not necessary in order to learn. Only ardent desire is.
3. Certain truths can never be proven.
Severe Weather Report
It has been raining at Prince Beef’s palace for five weeks straight.
“We collect the rain in buckets,” Prince Beef has said. “We might as well drink it.”
Featured Story: Cavootti Pond
by J. Freedwoppen
“Fish from the Cavootti Pond are the best tasting fish I’ve ever had,” said Fats Henry. “Too bad they’re poisonous.”
But that could be a problem of the past.
“It’s all taken care of,” Butterfield said. “We’ve found a way to un-poison the fish. Perfectly safe now!”
Ruber and Butterfield are making a killer profit, selling the fish throughout the Punchy Lands.
But there are some skeptics.
“That fish is just no good,” Manly-Man said.
Mr. Magi is distrustful as well. “We’ll see, but I doubt the problem’s been resolved.”
MicP Studios—Behind the Scenes
by Nicholas Warren
The Professor, or VJ, as I call him, has decided I should write an article every week. At least, most weeks. This is to give you a glimpse into studio life. I guess he didn’t think I had enough to do. But…he’s difficult to argue with.
He didn’t like one of the lines he had to say in an AurToon.
It took some convincing, but we managed to bribe Daddy Salami into saying that line.
It was really the audio engineers’ fault to begin with, anyway. If you remember them from some of the studio vids we’ve put out, you’ll know that they can be annoying. I’d get rid of them, personally. But VJ and Mic, I think, like them.
I guess they’re good. We need them.
DADDY SALAMI: Do you ever feel like a noodle, cur?
SMILES RIOT: Not sure. What does a noodle feel like?
DADDY SALAMI: You’re dumber than I thought, hehaha!
SMILES RIOT: I wonder if noodles cry out—when they’re getting boiled.
DADDY SALAMI: I’ll stick your head into the boiling water next time, and we’ll see if you hear anything.