At the Beach

So, Schwarz Tauptinker and I went to the beach.

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While there, I was looking for myself. It’s always good to look for one’s self. I had to go under the water before I found myself. But found myself, I did. (That’s me down there.)

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“What am I supposed to do here?” Schwarz asked.

“I don’t know!” I said. “Look for shells. It’s said you can hear the ocean in them—if you listen closely.”

“That’s weird,” Schwarz commented. “I can hear the ocean now.”

And that’s when the professor and Schwarz ran into Susan Price.

“Well, hello,” the professor greeted.

“Professorish Person! You almost walked into my sand sculpture! Oh! You brought Mr. Tauptinker with you. ”

“Oh, rats and a heifer! I didn’t even see it.” And this professor stepped back some–and then some more. “It looks like a raccoon. Very nice.”

“Oh, Professor! That’s not a raccoon! Look a little closer. Laws, how can that be a raccoon?”

“I could be wrong, then,” this professor replied. “I just thought I saw a few claws.”

Schwarz looked up towards the sky. “I wish I could fly like the pelicans. Oh yes I do!”

“I’d rather be a shark with purple fins,” I said.

“Mr. T, are you saying you wish to fly with the pelicans?” Susan asked. “If you knew about their feeding habits, you might change your mind!”

And the professor was completely stumped. Not like a tree, though. For, how did birds feed?

Schwarz shook his head. “Na. I don’t want to fly with them. But I bet I can make their sound, chickit!”

“I think I’m leaving,” Schwarz said suddenly. “Tornadoes seem kinda cool, you know, after all.”

“But, Schwarz!” I was quite baffled by now.

“As you wish, Mr. T.” Susan said. “Florida isn’t for the faint of heart. Let’s head for your car. Did you park in a lot, or on the beach?”

“You tell me one good thing about the beach, then!” Schwarz demanded.

“Schwarz came on a bicycle, I think,” I put in.

“Well, then, Professor, where is the confounded bike rack where he locked up his bike then?”

Schwarz thought for a second. “Maybe if I had a rubber donut to float on, I’d be happy.”

And Schwarz did think about it for a second. “Nah. Change my mind. Couldn’t eat it. I’m leaving.”

Then Schwarz left—for real. Not for fake.

“I wonder where he’ll get too, you know…” this professor said. “Let’s go turtle hunting…”

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340 Responses to “At the Beach”


  1. 1 Jackie May 17, 2014 at 10:39

    Dadblamit! Life is a beach!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 19:57

      Right on, Jackie! It’s a huge beach!

  2. 3 erinkenobi2893 May 16, 2014 at 17:15

    It sounds like you all had fun at the beach! But I think Tauptinker is developing bipolar disorder.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:07

      Oh, I bet he’s had one. What is it exactly?

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 May 19, 2014 at 12:54

        Bipolar? Mood swings, high energy to depression, etc.

  3. 6 krugthethinker May 16, 2014 at 00:14

    I also want to be a shark with purple fins! But I would be a nice shark and not eat anyone.

    • 7 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:19

      Not even the yummy turtles?

  4. 8 E. May 15, 2014 at 14:06

    Tell Schwarz he’d have more fun trying to battle the waves. At least it would keep him preoccupied for a bit!
    Also, why a shark with *purple* fins? Why not green? Or red? Or plain ol’ gray?
    Tornadoes are cool, though. Not that I would know — I’ve never seen one.
    Goodness I’m chatty today.

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:08

      Funny you should say that! That’s exactly what I do when I go the beach. I should try volleyball, that would be neatio.

      I know. Red is way cooler. But wouldn’t purple stand out more?

      That’s what Nick thinks! I guess the swirly-ness looks like a cinnamon roll.

      You are not! You’re perfectly fine!

      • 10 E. May 16, 2014 at 15:15

        I’m terrible at volleyball, haha. But a lot of people have fun with it. Try it!

        I think because purple is a cooler color, it would blend in with the shark and the blue/gray/green water, which are also cool colors. But because red is a warm color, it would pop more against the darker colors of the ocean.
        Unless you’re talking about a bright, electric purple that rave girls dye their hair. Then yes, purple would stand out more.

        Hahaha — I never considered tornadoes looking like cinnamon rolls.. One seems so violent, and the other seems delicious and serene and yummy… Now I want cinnamon rolls.

        Aww, shucks. Thanks. C:

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:29

        I should! I bet I’d get a lot of sand-burns on the beach from sliding around!

        Oh no…not that purple. And you have a good many points here. Let me see…now I’m thinking I’d like to be a completely black shark with red highlights. How’s that?

        Yes, I could use one! It was actually just a comparison I made there. I’m horribly ingenious like that, you know.

        ==]:-)

      • 12 E. May 16, 2014 at 15:37

        Oooh, sand burns hurt.

        You would be one heck of a cool shark if you were black with red highlights. Also, it’s funny you mention that color combination, because I’ve always wanted to dye my hair those colors…

        Horribly ingenious, indeed.

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:40

        Oh! So there is such a thing? Dadblameit!

        Nice! You should do it, E! That would look so cool. But I imagine it would be hard. You see, I’d like to have gray hair, but I’d be too lazy to dye it.

        *laughing*

      • 14 E. May 16, 2014 at 15:45

        I used to have black and purple hair, which was fun, but high maintenance. I still want black and red, though… And you don’t have to dye your hair gray, just wait for a while! :D

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 22:54

        *laughing* That’s true! But it would look cool now. If you do the red definitely take a pic! That would be awesome.

      • 16 E. May 16, 2014 at 23:31

        I will. I still need to try a cherry-cashew-noodle concoction, too! But cherries aren’t in season yet. Soon!

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:33

        Thanks! *laughs* I can’t wait to see what you do! I’m sure it will be tasty.

  5. 18 L. Marie May 15, 2014 at 13:46

    How lovely that you and Schwarz met up Susan Price. How sad that Schwarz doesn’t seem to appreciate the beach. I wonder what he thinks an ideal vacation is.

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:06

      I share your same feelings, Linda. Do you suppose he was just in an overall bad mood?

  6. 20 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 01:19

    Reblogged this on The Curious Introvert and commented:
    The Professor and Schwarz Tauptinker at the beach. Mr. T seems a bit agitated for some reason.

    • 21 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:42

      Susan–the professor is honored!

      • 22 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:55

        He is deserving.

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:54

        He is not, dadblameit!

      • 24 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:19

        He doesn’t get to decide.

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:31

        I’m speechless now. And I’m usually never caught that way…

      • 26 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:38

        Winnie-the-Pooh always hums a little hum when he doesn’t know what to say.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:41

        *laughing lots* I can’t be like him!

      • 28 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 16:10

        Well, that’s true. You could be Owl, though.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:02

        He was a dry beast!

      • 30 Susan P May 17, 2014 at 01:01

        He couldn’t spell.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 19:55

        I rather forget, but I know he meant well.

      • 32 Susan P May 17, 2014 at 19:56

        Of course. Owls are kind of scary in any case.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:43

        They hunt rats, I hear.

      • 34 Susan P May 18, 2014 at 21:10

        And meeces. And other small creatures like kittens and such – depending, of course, on the size of the owl and the critters.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:50

        Meeces…what a great word.

      • 36 Susan P May 19, 2014 at 16:26

        Not original with me, though.I think it was Sylvester and Tweety.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2014 at 00:05

        I would have tried to kill Tweety too.

      • 38 Susan P May 20, 2014 at 19:37

        Annoying creature, isn’t he?

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:44

        It’s a he????!!!

      • 40 Susan P May 21, 2014 at 13:45

        Uuuum..yes.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 19:31

        It’s a female!

      • 42 Susan P May 22, 2014 at 11:41

        Nuh uh.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2014 at 15:55

        That’s what Harry told me.

      • 44 Susan P May 22, 2014 at 17:52

        Stick with his accounting.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke May 23, 2014 at 14:46

        *laughing lots* Oh dear!

      • 46 Susan P May 23, 2014 at 15:10

        Just so. GRIN

  7. 47 The Reading Girl May 14, 2014 at 22:25

    Professor, this happened in Florida?

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:42

      Yes it did! What a wonder, huh?

      • 49 The Reading Girl May 16, 2014 at 03:16

        well I missed it..I live there

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:21

        That’s right! Have you been to the beach recently? We should have met! But I’d probably be very scary. You know, I’m a warrior.

      • 51 The Reading Girl May 16, 2014 at 18:54

        haha I went to the beach last week…i dont think you would scare me, you would fascinate me hehe

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:09

        Why fascinate?

      • 53 The Reading Girl May 17, 2014 at 12:05

        well because you are rather a unique person who would surprise me.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 19:59

        Yes, I think our conversation would be quite interesting. If you saw me, you’d think differently of me, I think. I mean, you wouldn’t look at me and say, “There’s the professor.”

      • 55 The Reading Girl May 18, 2014 at 17:52

        hmmm you are probably right…you would be dress like a warrior right?

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:46

        Actually, no. Probably in cargo pants and a t-shirt.

      • 57 The Reading Girl May 20, 2014 at 23:16

        hmmm..Mr. Professor I think you would also be surprised when you saw me

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:45

        Now why is that?

      • 59 The Reading Girl May 21, 2014 at 21:47

        hmmm because I might be different too

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2014 at 15:49

        Ooo, how so? (You’ve got me so curious now.)

      • 61 The Reading Girl May 22, 2014 at 23:17

        hmm I dont know. I’ll probably be tall

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke May 23, 2014 at 14:50

        Aha! How tall, would you say?

      • 63 The Reading Girl May 25, 2014 at 01:01

        hmmm tall. you would have to imagine

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke May 25, 2014 at 17:15

        6’3″!

      • 65 The Reading Girl May 25, 2014 at 23:42

        really? why? :)

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke May 26, 2014 at 12:56

        Oh, I don’t know. You did say really tall, didn’t you?

  8. 67 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 14, 2014 at 19:56

    Wish I would have ran into Susan at the beach the other day. Dang! Susan did a fine job of entertaining you two nuts. Did you find any turtles?? I do wonder about the bike. And if any seashells were located.
    Hello there, Shrubby! Good to see you.

    • 68 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:32

      I wish you had been there, too, Audrey. Such a to-do it was! I think he lost the bike when the tide came in. How he got home (if he did indeed make it) is a mystery.

      I had to dissuade the Professor from looking for turtles. May first to October 31 is the sea turtles nesting time and it is a felony to disturb their nests along the dunes. I have some seashells which I will share on my blog probably next week.

      Next time I’m going to the beach with you!

      • 69 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 15, 2014 at 13:38

        Haha. I enjoyed the story. Well, hope he’s okay. Poor guy.

        Oh yes, I’ve read about that, too. They are super busy this time of year. I have a friend who travels just to watch the migration of those sweet littles to the water. She’s an artist. Too cute. Looking forward to the pictures.

        My beach in TX isn’t near as pretty as the beaches in FL. The oil business has ruined this area, mostly.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:00

        But I hear it’s done wonders for the economy the oil business has.

      • 71 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 16, 2014 at 19:09

        Of course it has…just not wonders for the water. *smiles knowingly*

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:10

        Oh… Well, I’d sink in that water just as well, I’ll bet!

      • 73 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 16, 2014 at 23:39

        I bet you wouldn’t, Duketh.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 19:36

        Oh yes I would!

      • 75 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 17, 2014 at 21:21

        I would teach you to swim, you know.

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:46

        I bet it’s rather impossible.

      • 77 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 17, 2014 at 21:48

        Oh…okay.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:52

        Yes, yes.

      • 79 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 17, 2014 at 21:56

        No, no.

    • 80 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:41

      Aha. Now that you bring it up, Audith, did you see any raccoon sculpture’s at the beach?

      Shrubs can’t talk, you know. And the professor isn’t a nut!

      • 81 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 15, 2014 at 13:45

        No, nothing like that, sorry.

        I can think whatever I’d like.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:06

        I think I’ll burry myself in the sand next time I go to a beach. As long as there isn’t any leachers.

        What do you think about…the professor?

      • 83 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 16, 2014 at 19:21

        Okay, let me buy you some beach toys. You’ll want a shovel, for sure. I have a feeling you have plenty of leachers, Sir.

        I think a lot about the professor.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:13

        What’s a leacher?

        And I bet it scares you.

      • 85 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 16, 2014 at 23:46

        I looked it up. You already know…

        Do you really think that, Duke?

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 19:51

        *laughing lots* I had no idea, actually. I meant a leech (those things from the African Queen movie) but I put it down wrongly. I can’t believe it’s an actual word. I’m always embarrassing myself.

        Umm…No, I don’t!

      • 87 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 17, 2014 at 21:33

        Leeches? The beach probably doesn’t have those, but it does have those little buggy things. What a random movie you’ve just brought up. Is it a favorite of yours? *laughs* Well, you do kinda have those (leachers) around you as well, you know.

        Okay, good.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:50

        I do not! I just looked up the word. See? The professor gets hiself killed, huh? I kinda like that movie, yes. But I’m not as smart as I seem, you see.

      • 89 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 17, 2014 at 21:55

        What are you talking about? Killed? I’ve never seen that movie. Okay, then me either.

  9. 90 Simply Skeptical May 14, 2014 at 19:20

    Why does the Professor always look like a little bush under water? Is it a transformation of his image from when on land? Interesting name for an inner tube – a rubber donut. Schwarz is so creative…

    • 91 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:33

      I think he has esteem issues.

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:36

      Well, I’m not sure. But that bush has a striking resemblance. And Schwarz is!

  10. 93 lindsaycummingswrites May 14, 2014 at 16:54

    Turtle hunting! The nerve. I’d sooner knock over a child’s sand castle!

    • 94 Manly Man (@JazzyCouldren) May 14, 2014 at 19:22

      What’s wrong with eating turtles? :}

      • 95 lindsaycummingswrites May 14, 2014 at 19:25

        They are sooo cute :) Eat something ugly…like..a…fly. Yes, a fly.

      • 96 Manly Man (@JazzyCouldren) May 14, 2014 at 22:53

        But they doesn’t done taste too good, I thinks. :} Can I eat snapping turtles?

    • 97 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:36

      Unless, you’re nice to the turtles when you catch them. You see, you’d only throw them into the sea.

      • 98 lindsaycummingswrites May 15, 2014 at 14:30

        Oh, so you’re sending them somewhere safe? Well…okay then.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:09

        But I bet sharks get them in there!

  11. 100 Bethy May 14, 2014 at 15:42

    I think the best thing to do at the beach is to read. Followed by sandcastles! I don’t think ST is used to not doing much of anything!.

    • 101 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member May 14, 2014 at 22:54

      I agree. To read on the beach would be very fun. Especially a nice book. :)

      • 102 Bethy May 19, 2014 at 14:15

        what kinds of books are nice books?

      • 103 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member May 19, 2014 at 17:31

        Oh, my favorites are the old books usually. Dumas, Dickens. It all varies though… There are lots of good books out there, usually, they’re just hard to find…

    • 104 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:34

      I like to walk on the beach in the surf. And swim. And read.

      • 105 Bethy May 19, 2014 at 14:15

        Swimming is splendid!

      • 106 Susan P May 19, 2014 at 16:14

        But not in the ocean.

      • 107 Bethy May 20, 2014 at 10:48

        I do like swimming in the ocean a little. Haven’t done it in awhile.

      • 108 Susan P May 20, 2014 at 19:26

        Nope. I gave it up for…something or other.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:37

        Yes, me neither. Jaws lives in there.

      • 110 Bethy June 3, 2014 at 10:50

        I remember watching that movie once a few years ago. Still strangely creepy!

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke June 3, 2014 at 12:34

        It is! They should have missiled the shark to death.

      • 112 Bethy June 3, 2014 at 18:37

        well as violent as that sounds I tend to agree with you. It was rather suspenseful!

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke June 3, 2014 at 18:48

        *nods wisely like Susan does*

      • 114 Bethy June 4, 2014 at 14:03

        that is so funny. I actually saw my mom nodding wisely when I read that.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:37

        Haha! She does it for me every so often.

      • 116 Bethy June 5, 2014 at 10:32

        Yes, I have had that experience as well.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:21

        *smiles*

    • 118 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:35

      Haha, I think you’re right. The professor likes to hunt for crabs on the beach.

      • 119 Bethy May 19, 2014 at 14:16

        what do you do when you catch them?

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:57

        I’ve never caught any!

      • 121 Bethy May 20, 2014 at 10:49

        Really? I like watching them but that’s about it. My husband found a shark tooth once so he is always looking for shark teeth.

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:38

        Oh, that’s really neat. He should make it into a knife!

      • 123 Bethy June 3, 2014 at 10:51

        Well it fell out of his pocket. Plus I don’t think it was that large. So now every time we go to the beach we have to look for shark teeth!

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke June 3, 2014 at 12:34

        *laughing* It seems like a fun pastime!

      • 125 Bethy June 3, 2014 at 18:37

        There are definitely worse pastimes!

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke June 3, 2014 at 18:49

        You don’t like it–what a wonder!

      • 127 Bethy June 4, 2014 at 14:03

        I don’t like staring at my feet when I’m walking the beach.

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:37

        But then you might step on one if you don’t.

      • 129 Bethy June 5, 2014 at 10:33

        well I step on shells and stuff anyway. Plus they aren’t really sharp once they make it onto a beach.

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:21

        That’s why they have to be sharpened.

      • 131 Bethy June 9, 2014 at 10:31

        hmm. I think that might be a guy job. Kind of like killing bugs…just something I am completely not interested in.

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 13:30

        You mean, you’ve ever wanted to catch a snake? Me neither.

  12. 133 InfiniteZip May 14, 2014 at 14:55

    I like beaches…we have purple jelly fish here washed up, I wonder if they are grape jellyfish?

    • 134 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:33

      Coolio! And could be. Do you ever try them?

      • 135 InfiniteZip May 15, 2014 at 13:05

        No but I has calamari last night, no tentacles;)

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:57

        Oh! How was it? Rubbery?

      • 137 InfiniteZip May 17, 2014 at 13:59

        Soft and lightly chewy:) last night was rum punch night, feeling punchy before flying out today:)

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:43

        Awesome! Where are you flying to?

      • 139 InfiniteZip May 17, 2014 at 21:47

        From Puerto Rico back to western ny:(

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:51

        How was your trip?

      • 141 InfiniteZip May 17, 2014 at 21:53

        Excellent, missed seeing the castle though:(

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:54

        Oh no! That would have been very cool!

      • 143 InfiniteZip May 17, 2014 at 21:55

        I wanted to get a pic to do a professorish punchy blog, alas, only the horse:)

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:41

        What do you mean?

      • 145 InfiniteZip May 19, 2014 at 15:42

        I blogged about the horse, but he castle was closed. You seem to like castles:)

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2014 at 00:01

        I love castles!

  13. 147 PorterGirl May 14, 2014 at 14:16

    Super, super super! And that is one fine looking beach. Also, I love the picture of the Professor. It is how I always imagined him (or not).

    Do you know I am becoming increasingly more fond of Schwarz. I want to… look after him, you know? And I would like him to teach me how to make all those noises.

    I am sure Susan’s sculpture was amazing and nothing like a racoon :)

    • 148 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member May 14, 2014 at 22:55

      I wouldn’t say the professor has overmuch a resemblance to the bush…or shrub…or whatever it is. He just likes to picture himself that way, I think…

      • 149 PorterGirl May 15, 2014 at 05:26

        And why not, indeed :)

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:42

        You must never look at me then.

    • 151 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:32

      Thanks, Lucy! Yes, the professor’s bush can move, too, which is a wonder.

      He does seem like a child that needs direction, for sure! The professor understands, I think. And those noises would be super cool to make!

      But raccoon’s are nice looking!

      • 152 PorterGirl May 15, 2014 at 12:55

        I don’t think we have raccoons over this side of the pond, but I’ve always thought they looked quite interesting. Do the bite?

        How exciting that your bush can move! A Marvel!

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:55

        Yes, they can. If they’re out in the day, that is. Usually means they have rabies. A few years back, the professor let out his large German Shepherd before bed. I heard such a racket, too. And wouldn’t you know, that great dog actually killed a coon. It was a wonder.

        *laughing lots* It is! I even have a land model.

      • 154 PorterGirl May 16, 2014 at 16:16

        Haha! That is awesome :)

        Raccoons sound a bit scary, actually. Maybe I am pleased they don’t live here. I LOVE German Shepherds! Beautiful dogs :)

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:03

        They are! Mine need to work on their vicious skills! (I am sorta surprised you don’t have coons there!)

      • 156 PorterGirl May 17, 2014 at 11:05

        Maybe we do and I’ve just missed them. I just asked someone – they said that their Mum might have seen a dead one in Scotland once but isn’t sure it was actually a raccoon. So I’m still none the wiser :/

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 19:58

        It’s a problem, for sure! I’ll just have to come over and go a-hunting!

      • 158 PorterGirl May 18, 2014 at 15:59

        Excellent idea! :D

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:45

        :D

    • 160 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:35

      It was not a raccoon. It was my kitty, George Bailey. It’s sad that people can’t tell the difference between a raccoon and a cat. Humph.

      • 161 PorterGirl May 15, 2014 at 12:55

        Humph, indeed! And… Pah!

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:56

        I do wonder what this says about the professor.

  14. 163 Debbie May 14, 2014 at 14:14

    Pretty beach photos, Professor, but then I LOVE the beach! tell Schwarz you CAN hear the ocean’s roar in certain seashells — that’s why they’re sold to tourists. Poor Schwarz sounds confused (perhaps that’s being out in too much sun??)

    • 164 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:31

      Well, the professor would like to think so, but you see, he wasn’t in the sun too long at all. I think I should feed him to a shark.

  15. 165 walt walker May 14, 2014 at 13:22

    Professor, not everything with claws is a raccoon, you know.

    • 166 Professor VJ Duke May 14, 2014 at 13:25

      Oh…good point. But everything that attacks me around here has claws and is a raccoon.

      • 167 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:37

        GB could probably knock you over if you got between him and his treats.

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:49

        I’d spank him then.

      • 169 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:09

        In which case you would discover that raccoons are actually gentle folk.

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:25

        Unlike the professor.

      • 171 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:32

        *mumbles*

      • 172 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:36

        *mumbles too*

      • 173 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:52

        *gets out the Mumblety-peg. Do you have your pocket knife?*

      • 174 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 22:57

        Always do! Though I lose all the time on occasion. What’s a mumbly-peg?

      • 175 Susan P May 17, 2014 at 13:50

        It’s a game. And you need a pocket knife to play it. Goes way back. Tom Sawyer played it.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mumblety-peg

      • 176 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:41

        *laughing* Of course I knew of this! I was testing you.

      • 177 Susan P May 18, 2014 at 21:06

        Dadblameit, Professor. That was uncalled for. I watched him playing once-he cheats.

      • 178 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:49

        I might cheat…

      • 179 Susan P May 19, 2014 at 16:22

        Might? Hah!

      • 180 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2014 at 00:04

        Well, maybe more than a might.

      • 181 Susan P May 20, 2014 at 19:36

        That’s more like it. smile

      • 182 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:43

        Oh dear. My legacy is getting destroyed.

      • 183 Susan P May 21, 2014 at 13:44

        Now, now.

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 19:30

        I think it’s in danger at least.

      • 185 Susan P May 22, 2014 at 11:39

        I doubt it. It’s pristine silver safe.

      • 186 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2014 at 15:54

        Really? Nice! (Krunk voice.)

      • 187 Susan P May 22, 2014 at 17:50

        zackly.

      • 188 walt walker May 15, 2014 at 17:47

        Ah, so you are very wise to be seeing them in sand sculptures, then.

      • 189 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:13

        The professor might lack wisdom–that’s what the analysts say.

      • 190 walt walker May 16, 2014 at 22:05

        I’ve found that the analysts don’t know always know all that much.

      • 191 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 23:15

        Yes, but they still think they do. That’s when they need dispatched, I hear.

  16. 192 Susan P May 14, 2014 at 13:19

    Schwarz is such an odd little creature. I suppose he has his positive aspects, but oh my! He never did get his bike back – the tide came in and the bike is somewhere in the ocean.

    • 193 Professor VJ Duke May 14, 2014 at 13:23

      Which is a horrid thought. Oh well. But I think you see Schwarz’s virtues. I mean, it took me some time to find them. And I’m still trying to put them into words.

      • 194 Susan P May 14, 2014 at 13:34

        Let me know when you get them into words. It should be interesting.

      • 195 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:28

        Yes, it would be quite interesting. I might never, I fear.

      • 196 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:47

        Why do you fear? Why I ask?

      • 197 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:51

        Because it’s something I ought to do, but…

      • 198 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:13

        Gotta do? Wow. You have such a heavy burden to carry. Have no fear.

      • 199 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:27

        Fear is prevalent in every hero I’m told!

      • 200 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:34

        I have heard that there is strength in weakness.

      • 201 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:37

        Yes, I’ve heard that dadblame thingy too.

      • 202 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 16:01

        I’m reading a book. Swan Song by Robert McCammon. It is a very long book. Apocalyptic in nature. But a very young and very good little girl does some amazing things.

        It’s just not comfortable when a body feels helpless and is in a place where she or he can’t get where they want to go when they want to. I understand the frustration. It’s even harder, I’ve heard (and this is not a putdown) it’s even more difficult for mens folk. And none of humankind likes to feel that way woman or man.

      • 203 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 22:59

        Susan, you speak a lot of wisdom, for sure. And I agree with you. But patience in God is the key.

        Now that does sound good! I like apocalyptic books.

      • 204 Susan P May 17, 2014 at 13:57

        Yes, I know. But you know, when you are hip deep in alligators, it’s hard to remember that your original objective was to drain the swamp. I think Mr. T. said something like that.

        It’s a really looooooooooooooooooong book and convoluted. And now I moved it to post the title correctly for this conversation and I don’t know where I put it down.

      • 205 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2014 at 21:42

        Very true. Mr. T…he’s always surprising me!

        Oh dear. I’d probably drowned in a book like that.

      • 206 Susan P May 18, 2014 at 21:08

        Well, put it to you this way, Professorish person, I started reading it in January, and I’m about 2/3 of the way through it.

      • 207 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2014 at 14:50

        Oh dear. It would take my lifetime then.

      • 208 Susan P May 19, 2014 at 16:24

        957 pages in all. Laws, that’s a lot of reading.

      • 209 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2014 at 00:04

        I’d die while reading it.

      • 210 Susan P May 20, 2014 at 19:36

        As I may.

      • 211 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 12:44

        Oh you will not!

      • 212 Susan P May 21, 2014 at 13:44

        Maybe.

      • 213 Professor VJ Duke May 21, 2014 at 19:30

        Woof!

      • 214 Susan P May 22, 2014 at 11:39

        *spits like the vicious kittens*

      • 215 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2014 at 15:54

        Hmm…pause for reflection.

      • 216 Susan P May 22, 2014 at 17:51

        Don’t get too close.

      • 217 Professor VJ Duke May 23, 2014 at 14:45

        You’re right: my brain will explode then!

      • 218 Susan P May 23, 2014 at 15:08

        More like you will have an encounter with Cat Woman. ;)

      • 219 Professor VJ Duke May 25, 2014 at 17:10

        The professor could take her easy!

      • 220 Susan P May 25, 2014 at 19:12

        Maybe not the Grimm one.

      • 221 Professor VJ Duke May 26, 2014 at 12:54

        Now I’m wondering if I know that one.

      • 222 Susan P May 26, 2014 at 14:35

        Well, if you did know her, you probably wouldn’t live to tell about it.

      • 223 Professor VJ Duke May 26, 2014 at 19:37

        Oh, that’s dadblamery!

      • 224 Susan P May 27, 2014 at 10:39

        Unless you are a Grimm.

      • 225 Professor VJ Duke May 27, 2014 at 12:54

        What is a Grimm?

      • 226 Susan P May 27, 2014 at 14:19

        A Grimm, or so I’ve been told, is a person who keeps creatures who are half human and half monster-types – though not all of them are bad.

      • 227 Professor VJ Duke May 27, 2014 at 16:00

        Ha! I know a Grimm then.

      • 228 Susan P May 27, 2014 at 16:13

        Are you a Grimm?

      • 229 Professor VJ Duke May 27, 2014 at 16:14

        Umm…no. I’d like to be though.

      • 230 Susan P May 27, 2014 at 16:19

        It IS pretty cool. Most of the time anyway.

      • 231 Susan P May 27, 2014 at 16:20

        Just think of the armor and weaponry at your disposable~!

      • 232 Professor VJ Duke May 27, 2014 at 20:49

        Ooo! Are you one?

      • 233 Susan P May 28, 2014 at 11:27

        No. I am not. And it’s too hair raising. But I do like watching.

      • 234 Professor VJ Duke May 28, 2014 at 12:06

        But George is a beast.

      • 235 Susan P May 28, 2014 at 16:17

        He’s a friendly beast. Except when I show up with medication for him. Or put him in the crate. I do believe he went further than “dadblameit.”

      • 236 Professor VJ Duke May 28, 2014 at 18:35

        Haha. Give him a treat, then.

      • 237 Susan P May 28, 2014 at 19:01

        If I don’t give him his treats, he lets me know it. Boy does he ever. He seems to be doing better today since he had the allergy shot. Poor fellow.

      • 238 Professor VJ Duke May 29, 2014 at 12:40

        Give him a pat from the professor, please.

      • 239 Susan P May 29, 2014 at 13:58

        I will if he will let me close enough. He’s a bit leery of me getting to close just now since I have to give him his medication and he considers that sort of thing to be way too close and personal. :0

      • 240 Professor VJ Duke May 29, 2014 at 17:45

        Do you have to chase him about sometimes?

      • 241 Susan P May 30, 2014 at 12:58

        I don’t usually chase him. I wait till he’s dozing and sneak up with the meds.

      • 242 Professor VJ Duke May 30, 2014 at 13:08

        No wonder he gets cranky about it!

      • 243 Susan P May 30, 2014 at 14:59

        Yes, but he has never scratched me or bitten me and gives me all sorts of liberties in the way of petting the kitty.

      • 244 Professor VJ Duke May 30, 2014 at 23:51

        Aw…such a nice sort of beast.

      • 245 Susan P May 31, 2014 at 18:42

        He is. Right now though, he’s into running from me just in case I am carrying medication around.

      • 246 Professor VJ Duke June 2, 2014 at 12:05

        Haha!

      • 247 Susan P June 2, 2014 at 16:00

        He’s still being a good boy. Just doesn’t like the meds. Who does?

      • 248 Professor VJ Duke June 2, 2014 at 16:02

        No one!

      • 249 Susan P June 2, 2014 at 16:09

        Unless they are a hypochondriac.

      • 250 Professor VJ Duke June 3, 2014 at 12:21

        Very good point.

      • 251 Susan P June 3, 2014 at 17:15

        Or an addict. Is that the point on your katana?

      • 252 Professor VJ Duke June 3, 2014 at 18:44

        Yes! And it’s sharp enough to cut strawberries.

      • 253 Susan P June 3, 2014 at 19:40

        And papayas?

      • 254 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 12:45

        Umm…yes!

      • 255 Susan P June 4, 2014 at 21:20

        Mangos?

      • 256 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:14

        Are they good?

      • 257 Susan P June 5, 2014 at 15:46

        Well, they are good dried. I don’t care so much for them fresh.

      • 258 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:38

        Or with beets.

      • 259 Susan P June 5, 2014 at 22:03

        Beets make great fake blood.

      • 260 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:42

        Do they? I always imagined they might.

      • 261 Susan P June 10, 2014 at 00:32

        I think they used to use it for dye.

      • 262 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 13:38

        Really? Hair dye, I bet.

      • 263 Susan P June 10, 2014 at 21:01

        Back in the day? Really?

      • 264 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 13:01

        Oh yes, when I was a youth.

      • 265 Susan P June 11, 2014 at 13:12

        Well, that explains it.

      • 266 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 13:14

        *nods like a man*

      • 267 Susan P June 11, 2014 at 13:27

        We all have memories of foolish actions in our youths.

      • 268 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 21:12

        And in adulthood, I think.

      • 269 Susan P June 12, 2014 at 00:33

        Well, there goes that hope rolling over the desert of dry bones.

      • 270 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2014 at 14:02

        Yes, I fear, gone!

      • 271 Susan P June 12, 2014 at 18:08

        *waves goodbye*

      • 272 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2014 at 22:43

        *waves too*

      • 273 Susan P June 13, 2014 at 01:38

        Ocean waves.

      • 274 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2014 at 16:52

        And Jaws.

      • 275 Susan P June 13, 2014 at 18:01

        I thought the killed Jaws.

      • 276 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2014 at 18:15

        But he duplicated, you know.

      • 277 Susan P June 15, 2014 at 23:53

        I know a lot. I just can’t always remember it.

      • 278 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:39

        Haha, and that’s a wonder.

      • 279 Susan P June 16, 2014 at 19:05

        What is?

      • 280 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:44

        That you can’t remember.

      • 281 Susan P June 16, 2014 at 23:41

        Who’s on first?

      • 282 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:47

        The professor!

      • 283 Susan P June 20, 2014 at 20:02

        Pirates?

      • 284 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2014 at 16:13

        I’m not sure how they’re doing, now that you mention it.

      • 285 Susan P June 21, 2014 at 16:57

        Neither do I, but if Harry was here I bet he would know.

      • 286 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:07

        Yes, I’ll get him to pull for them one day…

      • 287 Susan P June 22, 2014 at 19:30

        You sure you want to do that?

      • 288 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:27

        Of course!

      • 289 Susan P June 23, 2014 at 15:16

        The blood will be on your hands.

      • 290 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 00:11

        Okay, then!

      • 291 Susan P June 24, 2014 at 01:08

        *pssst* you can buy catsup instead.

      • 292 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 13:46

        How about Ketchup?

      • 293 Susan P June 24, 2014 at 14:16

        Whatever floats your burger.

      • 294 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 11:55

        Now I’d think burgers sink.

      • 295 Susan P June 25, 2014 at 12:14

        Depends on what kind of roll it’s in.

      • 296 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 12:18

        Just a normal fluffy one.

      • 297 Susan P June 26, 2014 at 00:45

        No chipotle?

      • 298 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2014 at 16:19

        Wonder what that is, you know.

      • 299 Susan P June 26, 2014 at 23:12

        I want chipotle.

      • 300 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 13:18

        Chocolate chips!

      • 301 Susan P June 27, 2014 at 13:34

        I like to eat them out of the bag.

      • 302 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 20:54

        I’ve never tried that!

      • 303 Susan P June 28, 2014 at 20:32

        It’s the only way to go unless you mix in some cashews.

      • 304 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2014 at 12:41

        Which would be very good.

      • 305 Susan P July 1, 2014 at 16:18

        Good-good in fact.

      • 306 Professor VJ Duke July 1, 2014 at 21:51

        Haha. Just had the recording session today, and he said that, btw.

      • 307 Susan P July 2, 2014 at 01:02

        I can’t tell you why because I don’t know, but it cracks me up every time.

      • 308 Professor VJ Duke July 2, 2014 at 13:37

        *laughs* He says it so fluently, I think. Just came from the last session. It’s being burned!

      • 309 Susan P July 2, 2014 at 16:51

        He just sounds like a scientist. I will eagerly await the unveiling.

      • 310 Professor VJ Duke July 2, 2014 at 21:56

        I’m sure it’s dadblamery.

      • 311 Susan P July 3, 2014 at 01:01

        That’s why I look forward to it. It will be my last taste of dadblamery until I get back from Philly.

      • 312 Professor VJ Duke July 3, 2014 at 20:21

        Oh yes. Have a safe trip, Susan. My condolences to you and Harry, and the family as well.

      • 313 Susan P July 4, 2014 at 20:18

        Thank you. I’m already tired of the trip because of the TSA. :D

      • 314 Professor VJ Duke July 6, 2014 at 18:17

        What’s the TSA?

      • 315 Susan P July 11, 2014 at 18:12

        Transportation Security Administration. That is the organization that gets all up in your grill and into your suitcase when you have to travel by air.

      • 316 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:38

        How horrid. Is it really bad now?

      • 317 Susan P July 12, 2014 at 14:52

        Actually, I was impressed. They now do a background check via your driver’s license and if you don’t have any bad stuff they send you on through without you having to take of shoes etc.

      • 318 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:42

        Oh, that’s really nice. I remember having to take the shoes off and all that dadblamery.

      • 319 Susan P July 14, 2014 at 14:26

        Was that on your trip to the South Pole?

      • 320 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 19:41

        Actually, it was a trip to Denver…I think? I’m not sure. You’re supposed to remind me.

      • 321 Susan P July 14, 2014 at 19:47

        Denver is okay. Colorado Springs is better because I was born there.

      • 322 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 20:01

        Were you? How cool is that!

      • 323 Susan P July 14, 2014 at 20:14

        Pretty cool. It was a small town back in the day.

      • 324 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2014 at 12:42

        They’re the best.

      • 325 Susan P July 15, 2014 at 21:15

        :)

  17. 326 FictionFan May 14, 2014 at 13:05

    *laughing lots* Claws? Was Susan’s sculpture also wearing mittens??? I want to hear Schwarzy impersonate a pelican! Oh, yeah, I do. Chickit!

    • 327 Susan P May 14, 2014 at 13:11

      It was an…interesting…encounter, FF. Quite out of the ordinary, in fact.

      • 328 Professor VJ Duke May 14, 2014 at 13:22

        And it had nothing to do with the fact that I was there.

      • 329 Susan P May 14, 2014 at 13:32

        I wouldn’t go so far as to rule that out. Professor.

      • 330 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2014 at 12:28

        I was just strolling about like…like a…raccoon.

      • 331 Susan P May 15, 2014 at 12:47

        It could get pretty crabby along the way.

      • 332 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 14:51

        And the professor doesn’t.

      • 333 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:12

        What’s that? I can’t hear you from under the water.

      • 334 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:26

        *laughing* I said the professor can’t swim very well!

      • 335 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:33

        gurgle-bubble snort.

      • 336 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 15:37

        *laughs* I was able to do that, too, when I was young like you.

      • 337 Susan P May 16, 2014 at 15:55

        You do know the principle of once you get to be a certain age, you start getting young again. It’s mostly not understood well, but …

      • 338 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2014 at 22:58

        I’ve never heard of this, but I believe it!

      • 339 Susan P May 17, 2014 at 13:53

        *smile*

    • 340 Professor VJ Duke May 14, 2014 at 13:22

      Ooo, a crab! On second thought, that would have been a better guess, I suppose. Rats. *laughs* I bet it will sound alarmingly close to the loon call.


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Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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