All proverbs are written by V. Shnodgrate, unless noted otherwise.
1. If you ain’t ever killed something, you ain’t ever lived. ~ Manly-Man
2. Everyone’s stupid. Just know that and you’ll be better off in life. ~ Albuquerque
3. Always pick the turtle that races the fastest. ~ Professor VJ Duke
Favorites? The first two are very insulting. I’m insulted. The third one is the sure bet, for sure.
Severe Weather Report
A severe drought has descended upon Prince Beef’s palace. We figure it’ll look like this in a few days if the rain doesn’t come soon:
Featured Story: Smiles Riot and Frankie S.
by J. Freedwoppen
It is assumed they’re planning some sort of robbery.
But that’s just a theory.
Professor VJ Duke has set off after them.
And so has Mark Malone.
MicP Studios—Behind the Scenes
by Nicholas Warren
The Professor and I, and Mic, were all brainstorming. We thought and thought and thought. But nothing came. I don’t know what we were waiting for. I don’t even know why we were brainstorming. But we were. I think we wanted to figure out something new to produce.
It was the Professor’s idea.
He always wants to figure out something new to do. I think he gets tired of normal very quickly. So he dragged us together and made us sit in a cold basement to think. And we did it for hours.
Finally, it happened.
DANIEL H: Don’t you think it’s always great to drink?
MR. RATHERQUITE: Drink? Drink what, sir? And drink where?
DANIEL H: At parties. Everybody’s so annoying that you just drink to get rid of them all.
MR. RATHERQUITE: Sir! That is a very dirty thing to do. What would the ladies say?
DANIEL H: That’s why you drink. So you don’t have to hear what they say.
MR. RATHERQUITE: I’m cofounded!!!
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