The Professor Explains

I try to be somewhat normal when I first meet people.

At least, I hope I do. (I could be wrong.)

A few weeks back, this professor was at a sort of convention.

And that’s when I met Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump. (Fictitious names, you know. Not sure if I should use the real ones, you see.)

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Now Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump knew each other. So they assaulted me with the questions.

This was the first I believe:

“Tell us about yourself, Mr. Duke.”

A whole host of acceptable things passed through my mind in an instant, but I settled on the only one that stuck. I shouldn’t have chosen it, but I did. (That’s what you call a dadblamerous happening.)

“Yes,” Dr. Stump followed, “tell us about yourself.”

“Well,” I said, “the professor is a cliche.”

That stumped them—especially Dr. Stump. He seemed troubled.

Then they both laughed.

But the professor didn’t. I do think I was quite serious about the matter.

“A cliche?” Mr. Tree asked. “How so?”

That’s when the professor got the definition for the word, and read it aloud:

“A phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought.”

I was not happy with the definition. It didn’t sound too good.

And it didn’t make me sound so good.

Dr. Stump laughed nervously. “I’m still waiting for the conclusion of this weird statement. How are you a cliche?”

I was fetched for sure. And I had to think quick.

“Now, gentlemen,”I began, buying some more time, “I’ll explain it, but I won’t explain it again. Therefore, listen well. I probably wouldn’t be able to give you the right answer more than twice, and the right answer might be only stationary for one—two, at best—explanations. Ready?”

They just stared at me.

This was already a bummer.

“The professor—that’s me, by the way (speaking in third person is also thought rather odd, I’ve discovered)—lacks original thought. Because nothing is new. Nor is it old. But that’s a discussion for another time. You see, to lack original thought is to be normal. Since nothing is original. Neither is it copyrighted. But we shan’t go into that now. Original thought is so rare, it’s a wonder when it can be found anywhere.”

There was a pause.

Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump didn’t suppose me finished, but I was.

“Nice meeting you,” was all they said.

And they left.

It was a humdinger.

[I apologize that the little thingy mark is nowhere to be found in the word ‘cliche’. I don’t think it’s my fault completely.]

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234 Responses to “The Professor Explains”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 June 6, 2014 at 12:49

    Well, that was rude and uncompassionate of Dr. Stump and Mr. Tree! :-/
    Sorry I haven’t checked in in a while, Professor. Job searching and all that. What’s wrong with being a Jedi, may I ask? And yet somebody-who-shall-remain-unnamed thinks I need another one.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:53

      It was! They needed the pie treatment, Erin.

      No problem! Stop by whenever you can. I know. I’d like to be a Sith. Are you done your Jedi training?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 June 6, 2014 at 13:56

        *throws pies at Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump* That’s right, I know who they REALLY are. They’re the President and Vice President! Nah, just kidding. :-P But really, they do need to be pied! :-P
        Thanks. :-) Not yet, though I suppose I’m getting closer. It’s not wise to hurry through it…

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:59

        *laughing lots* Or someone close to that, at least! Great shots, too. Well done.

        Anakin hurried through it, I think.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 June 6, 2014 at 14:17

        :-D Probably. And thanks. :-)
        Yeah, and he shouldn’t’ve. It led to him working all shoddy, y’know? :-P

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke June 8, 2014 at 14:57

        I’m not sure where he went wrong… Must’ve been a bad mind.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 June 9, 2014 at 16:05

        Maybe not a bad mind, but certainly bad company!!! Think of Palpatine! 0_0

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 20:55

        Yes, that’s true. Obi-Wan should have stopped him!

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 June 10, 2014 at 12:17

        I don’t think Obi-Wan had a choice. :-( After all, he didn’t know that Palpacreep was a Sith, and I suppose the Council wouldn’t want Obi-Wan to insult the Supreme Chancellor on a suspicion. :-/

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 13:51

        I know…but I think he did suspect something. The whole Jedi Council did.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 June 10, 2014 at 21:14

        Yes, but still, it’s part of the law. No judgments on suspicion…

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 13:05

        Oh, I do that all the time.

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 June 11, 2014 at 16:10

        It doesn’t work for me. :-S I don’t like being wrong, ever. :-S So I don’t judge people on suspicions.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 21:26

        Very wise of you, Erin. I should try and do that!

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 June 12, 2014 at 11:21

        Thanks. :-)

  2. 16 xoxosanaz90210 June 6, 2014 at 00:09

    They called you “Mr. Duke”. Is it another name for the professor? I think you confused souls with whole ‘there is no original thought ever’ thing. But then again that really isn’t cliché at all. So you ended up circling around the question.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:44

      Yes, quite right. I did circle. Well, technically my name is Professor VJ Duke. They were just using my surname, you see. What do you like calling me best?

      • 18 xoxosanaz90210 June 6, 2014 at 21:40

        Professor, naturally.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke June 8, 2014 at 15:05

        It does have a ring to it, doesn’t it?

      • 20 xoxosanaz90210 June 9, 2014 at 16:46

        I suppose so,

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 20:57

        You don’t like it!

      • 22 xoxosanaz90210 June 13, 2014 at 02:31

        No, no, that’s what I meant at all.

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2014 at 16:56

        I apologize! It’s this professorish mind, you see. Always being wicked.

      • 24 xoxosanaz90210 June 13, 2014 at 02:31

        not what I meant at all*

  3. 25 desertdweller29 June 5, 2014 at 14:35

    Chill out, Professor. It’s all been done before. …Wait, I just quotes an Avril Lavigne song… Ugh, how unoriginal! How about this: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Wait, that’s what my mother used to say to me when I frostily asked for ice cream. Dadblamery!

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:35

      *laughing* Right on! There is dadblamery in the matter. And it makes me wonder, for sure. Frostily is a great word…what’s it mean?

    • 27 desertdweller29 June 5, 2014 at 22:45

      Done with great frost! Like an ice queen. It’s fun to use, no?

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:44

        It’s incredibly fantastic, yes! An ice queen. Oh, that reminds me, I’ve been thinking on this for some time: Is there an ice king?

      • 29 desertdweller29 June 6, 2014 at 15:09

        Good question… I know there’s a lion king. That might be next year’s Disney creation with a whole new song. Let It Go will be replaced with Bring It On. You’re definitely on to something Professor.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke June 8, 2014 at 15:03

        *laughing* Now that you mention it, what’s your opinion of Frozen? Overall, I mean.

      • 31 desertdweller29 June 8, 2014 at 16:51

        Maddeningly cynical, I’m afraid. It’s very hard when you let it go as you leave the theater, only to realize the world will just not comply. Shame on me though for being naive. Now what is your opinion, Professor?

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 13:24

        *laughing* The same as yours! I liked How To Train Your Dragon better. Musicals and I don’t get along. I’ve just seen Frozen, you know. Did you have a favorite character, like that little annoying snowman?

      • 33 desertdweller29 June 9, 2014 at 14:29

        Yes! How To Train Your Dragon is ten times better! No favorite character in Frozen — well, maybe the trolls that turn into rocks. That’s pretty cool. Imagine you’re being chased by a lion… turning into a rock would really come in handy. Actually I can think of a million scenarios where rock morphing would be beneficial: chased by the mob, nagging children, overhearing secret CIA plans…

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 20:49

        *laughing lots* What an adventurous mind you have! Yes, I’d like to turn into a rock. Or a boulder. Then I suppose you could kill the lion. But what about paper? Isn’t that supposed to beat a rock?

        Yes, Frozen was Frozen.

  4. 35 Hazy June 5, 2014 at 13:29

    It’s a humdinger indeed. I would’ve asked more questions if I were them. Don’t mind them, they’re just too normal to think outside the normal box. Flummoxed, I think, that’s why they left. Heehee. Though I’m glad to hear they had enough courtesy to say “Nice to meet you”

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:30

      That’s true! I think they hated me at the end. But those questions! They were like piercing bullets. Do you think they’re angry?

      • 37 Hazy June 9, 2014 at 12:00

        *shakes head* Nah, I don’t think they’re angry. Just bamboozled.

        Perhaps the professor can wear some kind of Kevlar vest on the next convention to help him dodge such bullets. But how to make one or where to get one?

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 13:40

        Yes, that must be it.

        Well, can Weatherly get one?

      • 39 Hazy June 10, 2014 at 12:03

        Hmm… Perhaps. Weatherly does have connections.What color would you like it to be? He said he will send it to you by mail.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 13:51

        Awesome! Black would be the best, I think.

      • 41 Hazy June 12, 2014 at 13:51

        *nods* Black is almost always best.

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2014 at 14:29

        Yes! It’s the coolest.

  5. 43 Catherine June 5, 2014 at 03:21

    You handled that situation very well, professor! At least you kept the conversation going better than they did (but then ended it at the right time, too). I’d hate it if people expected me to do all the talking…how rude!

    Don’t worry, I can’t do the little thingy mark either. It’s a bummer.

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:19

      It is rude! I’d talk for a fair bit, I hope. But I’m not sure. I do like listening. *smiles*

      It is! We should complain…to somebody!

      • 45 Catherine June 5, 2014 at 17:35

        I do too! I…try…to talk, but typing’s so much better at times. Maybe Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump could try it.

        I agree! This needs to be addressed. But I don’t know who’s in charge of that stuff either, so it looks like we’re stuck with “cliche”. (for a while, at least)

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:48

        I think we should make them. See! There you are, then. Typing is better at times. The professor is more crazy in person. Or normal. I’m not sure.

        *laughing* What a bummer. No culprit! That is tough.

      • 47 Catherine June 6, 2014 at 04:37

        I’m not sure, either! (as to the professor or myself…)

        Right? I’m sure we can find someone to blame, I’m just not the person to ask. And they might not consider it important.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:51

        *laughing*

        That’s true. We might lose this battle, then. Rats.

      • 49 Catherine June 8, 2014 at 01:54

        Hmm, we might have to put that idea on hold for a while, then! At least until we find a person to blame.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke June 8, 2014 at 15:06

        Yes. What a horrible chore!

      • 51 Catherine June 9, 2014 at 23:47

        While the idea’s being processed, we could have more lollipops to cheer ourselves up and make the wait shorter.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 13:31

        Okay! What flavor would you like?

      • 53 Catherine June 10, 2014 at 16:55

        Watermelon!! You?

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 18:52

        Cherry please!

      • 55 Catherine June 14, 2014 at 09:10

        Well, we’re all set then! Now we just need the lollipops…

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2014 at 18:36

        Yes…rats! They’re taking too long.

  6. 57 Susan P June 4, 2014 at 22:16

    You are unique. Uniques are related to unicorns but without the horns. I shouldn’t be fussed about them. I mean, what business is it of theirs in the first (or any other) place. You should have rocked that green hedge you wear. That would have given them something to think about.

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:17

      *laughing lots* A unicorn? Are you sure about that? Doesn’t sound fierce, does it? Sounds horridly…lady-like?

      How would you rock the hedge, btw?

      • 59 Susan P June 5, 2014 at 15:48

        With Steely Dan.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:39

        My Old School! Or…Reeling in the Years!

      • 61 Susan P June 5, 2014 at 22:01

        There you go then.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:41

        Yes. Yes. For sure.

      • 63 Susan P June 10, 2014 at 00:29

        Exactly. Wait. What are we talking about?

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 13:36

        Steely Dan, I think!

      • 65 Susan P June 10, 2014 at 21:00

        Yes, you got the right answer!

  7. 66 Julie Harris June 4, 2014 at 20:52

    This is awesome! LOL What is normal anyway?! Normal is no fun. No fun at all.

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:12

      Many thanks, Julie! That’s right. And you wouldn’t say the professor is normal, would you?

  8. 68 The Dancing Rider June 4, 2014 at 20:33

    I hate it whenever I am asked to tell someone ‘about myself’. Loved your answer, and I bet they found it quite vexing. It was all very funny (laughing quite a bit). You are right, referring to oneself in the third person garners an instant “Ok, they are very weird” response! LOL!

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:12

      It does garner that response! But I can’t help it now.

      Yes! That question stinks. You know, next time, maybe I’ll just say that. “Sir, that question stinks. Please rephrase.”

      • 70 The Dancing Rider June 5, 2014 at 14:56

        Better yet, you can turn the tables, and say “I’d rather start with you. Tell me about yourself.” Then say “Pleasure meeting you.” and walk away.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:37

        *laughing* Now that is brilliant. But do you suppose they might get angry?

      • 72 The Dancing Rider June 5, 2014 at 20:54

        Who gives a – – – -? It’s a great shut-down though. :) Wicked, I know.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:40

        Haha. Love the implied sweet word. Yes, quite right, DR!

  9. 74 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 4, 2014 at 17:47

    *laughs so much*

    Everything about this post is perfection, Duke. This is you in your finest of clothing, your debonair hair, and your mind as swift as the swing of a katana. You should be loved just as you are, Duketh. Pay no mind to them…they will be back. (This is written spot on…you know you so well. Amazing is what you are…truly.)

    • 75 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:48

      Oh my! Audith, this comment…rocks! Thanks so much. *maybe blushes*

      I was just being professorish. I hope they don’t come back! What’s debonair hair? *laughs*

      • 76 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 4, 2014 at 20:16

        You’re welcome, Duketh.

        Professorish is what you do well. But they might come back. You never know… I guess it’s like super gelled up smooth hair. Kinda slicked back, something one would wear to a convention of sorts, I think. *laughs too*

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:11

        Haha! So the professor is a dude of sorts? Hmm…maybe. I don’t know. It might be unnerving. Where’s Charlie?

      • 78 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 5, 2014 at 15:55

        Yes, a fine, Dude, as you say. *smiles a lotta*
        No need for your hands to shake, Duketh.

        He’s not with you? Duke…

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:42

        They shake to the music…

        No! Oh well. We’ll just have to get another one.

      • 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 6, 2014 at 00:25

        Like Jazz hands?

        Bummer, I told him to stay with you. We can’t just GET ANOTHER ONE…he’s Charlie! Have you checked the cheese tray? Maybe he’s outside with the toads?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:48

        Nah! Do they do that sort of thing?

        Maybe he’s in the pond?

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 6, 2014 at 14:42

        I certainly hope that they do not, Duke. Well, they can if they want, but it doesn’t bode well for me.

        Let’s take a walk down there and see if he’s there. Grab the cheese. *lets the screen door slam behind them*

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke June 8, 2014 at 15:00

        *brings chlorine too* We’ll smoke him out.

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 9, 2014 at 04:10

        *stops abruptly* Chlorine?…did you mean your pipe?

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 13:28

        No, we’ll smoke the monster out!

      • 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 9, 2014 at 14:09

        Charlie is no moster. He’s our slug. I miss him.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 20:45

        Maybe he died!

      • 88 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 10, 2014 at 00:49

        No, he just doesn’t talk to you anymore.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 13:42

        Let’s get some salt for him.

      • 90 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 10, 2014 at 14:50

        *walks out to the barn* You have a nice barn, Duketh.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2014 at 18:43

        But I don’t have one…

      • 92 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 10, 2014 at 20:54

        Well let’s get you one!

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 12:57

        What would we keep in it?

      • 94 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 11, 2014 at 14:14

        Maybe your wallet?

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke June 11, 2014 at 21:15

        It would destroy my wallet…

      • 96 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 12, 2014 at 03:20

        I’d be more worried that the wallet would destroy your nice barn.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2014 at 14:11

        Huff-Hum!

      • 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 12, 2014 at 18:33

        *laughs* I like when you pout.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2014 at 22:48

        Huff-Hum and a roar.

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 13, 2014 at 02:54

        *hands you a fire hose*

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2014 at 16:59

        Tempted, you know…

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 14, 2014 at 02:46

        Dare you…

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2014 at 18:32

        *sprays Aduith!*

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 16, 2014 at 03:16

        *sings loudly* Thanks! It is so hot!

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:46

        Yes, hot and humid and hot. You’re welcome!

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 17, 2014 at 03:11

        *laughs* Here, too.

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:54

        Time for a swim then!

      • 108 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 17, 2014 at 16:10

        Okay! Have you gotten to enjoy the pool or water at all? Let’s go to the lake this time. I miss hearing about you. You seem to think better when we’re outside.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 17:47

        I’ve actually not swum at all…it’s a pity.

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 17, 2014 at 20:26

        You need to go!

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 12:40

        I know! Rats.

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 18, 2014 at 16:45

        Now what?

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 17:19

        Well, I’m not sure if there’s one around.

      • 114 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 18, 2014 at 19:19

        Me either….

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 01:05

        No pools in Nebraska?

      • 116 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 19, 2014 at 04:36

        Oh yes, there are pools. Today we went to a huge pool. It had a wave pool, lazy river and some super fast slides. I rocked the yellow slide. Didn’t try the green, as it was completely dark inside. Spooky. I think I have a few more freckles after today.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 12:51

        *laughing* Oh, Audith! We have to go on the green. We must! Sounds fun. Did you get pizza?

      • 118 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 19, 2014 at 16:39

        But you can’t go with anyone and I would have to hold your hand!! The green tube was forever long… It was fun. *smiles*
        No pizza, but ice cream. Grandma had dinner made when we got home, so we couldn’t stop for pizza. It would have been nice.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 18:30

        Forever long! That sounds awesome. Wow…

        It wouldn’t have been! Dinner sounds good, though.

      • 120 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 20, 2014 at 02:58

        Yes, I bet you would have jumped off one of those slides, Duke.

        It was great. Normal grandma food…hearty midwestern corn growin’ farmer food. Meatballs with some crazy good gravy of some sort, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. Ice tea, too. Loads of pie…I’m still full.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 13:28

        I would have. I think I would have, at least. So would Oscar!

        That sounds excellent. But you can’t still be full!

      • 122 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 20, 2014 at 16:56

        Oscar doesn’t like the water. I’ve tried pushing him in. He gives me the stink eye and shakes the water back in me.

        I am too!!!

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 20:00

        The stink eye! *laughing lots* Am I capable of giving it, do you think?

        Not!

      • 124 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 21, 2014 at 04:39

        *laughing* I taught him well! Yes, I bet you can make the stink eye quite fine. You would probably make me smile at you, however.

        Yes!

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2014 at 16:26

        So you’re a master in the stink eye, too! Fabulous.

        Not now definitely!

      • 126 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 22, 2014 at 00:09

        I SO AM!!! Unfortunately, people think I look cute instead of vicious. Well, all but the two who are still intimidated by me. *laughs*

        Haha!!! I AM, TOO! However, last night I had to eat a burnt hot dog. Phewy!

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:20

        You mean Mr. Hades? He’s intimidated by no one, I’ll bet!

        Why would you burn the poor beast?

      • 128 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 23, 2014 at 03:56

        Umm, mostly, he’s too cool for school. No lack if confidence there, Duke. How’d you guess? *smiles*

        I didn’t! My Dad did…someone left him in charge of the grill, while we walked over to see the World’s Largest Ball of Twine. Maybe that means, in the end, I did burn the beast.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:37

        I think his mom rubbed off on him a bit. The professor can just tell these things!

        *laughing* See, if I was there with your dad, we would have thrown the hotdogs in the woods. Then, when you returned, I’d would have told you that an eagle had taken them.

      • 130 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 23, 2014 at 16:02

        He is so much like me it is scary. Way smarter, however. It is hard staying one step ahead of him. I’m finding that I can’t always follow his thoughts…way to profound some days.

        You make me laugh so much!!! An eagle! I would be on to you, you know…

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 00:17

        Oh…I don’t know. Audith is rather smart. I’m glad he likes Hades.

        You would not! Mr. Dad and the professor would fetch you just fine!

      • 132 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 24, 2014 at 05:32

        Thank you, Duketh. Why are you glad? How is it a positive? His favorite is Poseidon, you know.

        I think I would..!! *laughs* It’s as if you already know Mr. Dad is fairly good at pulling wool over my eyes.

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 13:52

        I just am. And I’m not sure. Yes, I remember that. Poseidon is cool. Helios is better, though.

        I would have a stern face on. Probably end up laughing lots.

      • 134 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 24, 2014 at 16:13

        You and your Helios…

        *laughing lots* I would probably love that stern look.

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 12:02

        I can’t help it. Haha.

        If I can muster it!

      • 136 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 26, 2014 at 06:33

        You’re the best… *laughs*

        You would have to, you know. I’d really want to see it.

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2014 at 16:33

        *bows*

        Someone should write a song about the professor’s stern look.

      • 138 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 26, 2014 at 21:32

        Well, you could…I’d like to hear it.

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 13:06

        It’d be scary to do and hear!

      • 140 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 27, 2014 at 13:23

        What? Why? How? When? Where? Who then? Me? *laughing so much*

        Please, try? I want to picture this look. Is it similar to our stink eye?

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 13:25

        No pictures! It’s against the professorish code of action, dadblameit!

        That’s a lot of questions atop there. You have me gardoobled!

      • 142 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 27, 2014 at 13:55

        I know!! I was just pushing on you, Duketh.

        Well, sort yourself, Duke. Haha. I couldn’t help myself.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 21:02

        *growls*

        Now my back is front, and my front is back. All sorted!

      • 144 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 28, 2014 at 12:45

        I think that’s nice of you.

        Sounds about right.

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2014 at 12:39

        A growl nice? Rats.

        Yes, scary, I think.

      • 146 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 1, 2014 at 01:52

        Well…yes. Maybe that’s possible!

        I don’t know, probably.

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke July 1, 2014 at 12:53

        It is not!

      • 148 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 1, 2014 at 15:21

        So glad you agree. *smiles wickedly*

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke July 1, 2014 at 21:45

        *steps on her foot*

      • 150 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 2, 2014 at 04:52

        *pushes you down and stands on you*

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke July 2, 2014 at 13:40

        *sinks into the ground and disappears like a vapor*

      • 152 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 2, 2014 at 14:24

        *waves good-bye and holds on tightly to his waist so she can too*

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke July 2, 2014 at 21:48

        We’re going to see Hades.

      • 154 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 3, 2014 at 04:57

        Oh no! What for, Duke? Are you going to tell him that I disapprove of him?

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke July 3, 2014 at 20:26

        Yes…and we’ll look at his blue fire and take a pic for Mr. Warrior.

      • 156 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 3, 2014 at 22:08

        But what if he keeps me…he did that once already, you know! Poor Persephone…
        Mr. Warrior would love a picture!! Love the name…giggle.

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke July 4, 2014 at 17:39

        He did? When? She’s happy, the dadblame idiot!

        *laughing* It’s a name to be proud of you!

      • 158 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 4, 2014 at 19:51

        Oh you know he did and when! She’s not…she escapes every spring.

        *sparkles brightly* He’d love it.

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke July 6, 2014 at 18:15

        No! When? Tell me. I know…poor Hades.

        I wish I could sparkle!

      • 160 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 6, 2014 at 22:02

        Oh! I see where we’ve become confused. ..I meant he already took one woman down there and has kept her hostage. ..not me, but he could if you don’t watch out, Duke. What do you mean poor Hades…I figured you would count him lucky to be without her for awhile.

        Maybe just women sparkle…

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke July 7, 2014 at 12:48

        Not Hades. He really loves her. So they shouldn’t be separated. The beast is weak, you see. But not everyone can be strong, you know. Would you like to go with Hades? I doubt he’d take you. I always thought of him as a faithful chap–unlike Zeus.

        They put those on, you mean.

      • 162 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 7, 2014 at 16:05

        He does really love her, and has a strange way of showing it. Yes, not everyone is strong, this is why Hades doesn’t quite do it for me. No, I wouldn’t go with him. Although faithful chaps are important. Zeus..well, that was sorta his job, Duke. Don’t be hard on him.

        Probably so, don’t you think?

      • 163 Professor VJ Duke July 7, 2014 at 16:51

        So, you see the problems with Hades too. He’s just too weak. Don’t tell Mr. Warrior. The problem was he was picked on. Zeus was never nice to him. Zeus’s beard should be plucked, actually.

        A few women tried to put sparkles on me once, ’cause I pointed out I didn’t have any. (They were saying how everyone was wearing sparkles.)

      • 164 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 8, 2014 at 05:27

        So Hades in live makes him weak? I can’t agree with that, Duke. I’m a hopeless romantic. What will come of me if I begin believing this? So by me not telling Mr. Warrior of this he may one day fall in love? How nice. I knew Hades was picked on…this is why Mr. Warrior was feeling sorry for him.
        Plucked? Why…for being bossy?

        Well, there are plenty of ways to get you to sparkle without putting sparkles on you, you know!! *laughing* Tell me…more!! Tried, meaning they didn’t succeed?

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke July 8, 2014 at 12:31

        You will become a heartless warrior–like me! Isn’t it grand? Yes, something like that, I suppose. You make it sound bleak, though… Yes, he shouldn’t be the king of the gods, for sure.

        There are? I’m glad no one seems to know how! Well, they more like threatened a bit. I laughed. But I wasn’t expecting to get attacked like that. Just proves that the attack will come, you must be ready for it.

      • 166 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 8, 2014 at 14:07

        No, not grand at all. Well someone had to be and it is him. No changing things now.

        Someone will know how…someday, I’m sure. Yes, I bet you enjoyed it. *grins*

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke July 8, 2014 at 16:16

        Oh yes we can! We should help Hades out. Well, I think a warrior isn’t totally heartless, just has to act that way, you see. It might be easier for men to do. Or professorish professors.

        Well…I mounted my defenses!

      • 168 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 8, 2014 at 23:21

        I’m willing to help you help Hades out, but I will be going in on the defensive , Duketh. Warriors act that way a lot, I’ve learned. It can be rather frustrating. ..

        And the ladies loved it, didn’t they?! *laughing*

      • 169 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:28

        Okay, then. But he might not want to leave. Maybe he just wants to be king?

        Yes, I fear that I’m not taken seriously and that I’m not feared. But…maybe twas on purpose.

      • 170 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 9, 2014 at 15:45

        Explain yourself, Duke.

        They should fear you, you know. You’re pretty fantastic and intimidating, which is a good thing. Was it Amelia pouring the glitter?

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:53

        Well…Hades should be the king. And I think he likes…Hades. Living there, I mean.

        They should! No, it wasn’t. Well…maybe she was there somewhere.

      • 172 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2014 at 01:22

        Yes, because he’s intimidated by Hades. Right?

        I figured….

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 11:54

        Right on!

        Yeah…

      • 174 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2014 at 16:59

        *smiles* I’m up to speed then…

        Thought so..

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 18:10

        You are!

        I know you want more info…

      • 176 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2014 at 23:23

        I think you think you know everything…

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 12:57

        No, I’m pretty dull, actually.

      • 178 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 11, 2014 at 22:24

        You could never be dull….ever.

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:55

        Maybe just an inch.

      • 180 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 12, 2014 at 02:59

        Nope

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:38

        Spit-tooey!

      • 182 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 15, 2014 at 05:22

        *laughs*

  10. 183 InfiniteZip June 4, 2014 at 15:29

    Why would you have to try to be normal? Doesn’t that come naturally? Are you hiding your true self?

    • 184 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:42

      When I try to be normal I guess. For instance, the professor speaks in third person. What do you make of that?

  11. 185 Debbie June 4, 2014 at 15:24

    Professor, all I can think to add is, It’s a good thing you weren’t applying for a job from those two. “Tell us about yourself” is a common interview question, one that can be wrought with pitfalls. What’s the typical advice from W. C. Fields? “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull$&*%” Yes, I’d say you succeeded!!

    • 186 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:42

      Hahahahaha! I did dazzle them with…that! Oh dear… But, Debbie, it made sense to me. Does that mean I’m far gone?

  12. 187 Simply Skeptical June 4, 2014 at 15:17

    Professor am I being horribly thick if I say I did not understand your conveyance of sentiments? Oh, most certainly professorish to the emph degree and handled quite humphaliciously though Sir. (smiles)

    • 188 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:41

      Ooo, ‘conveyance’ looks like such a fancy word, you know… Not at all, SS! Though, it did make sense to me, I think. Humphaliciously? *laughs* Lovely word!

  13. 189 Jennwith2ns June 4, 2014 at 14:26

    I’m fairly certain you handled this small-talk situation better than I did this one in 2007: http://jennw2ns.blogspot.com/2007/02/this-girl-sure-knows-what-to-talk-about.html

    Either way, I’m sure we each were far more entertained than we would have been, had we stuck to conventions.

    • 190 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:39

      A great story! And I don’t know, Jenn. You handled that excellently. And it was very entertaining. What do you think he thought in the end?

      • 191 Jennwith2ns June 4, 2014 at 21:30

        I really don’t know. The next year I went to another party with the same hosts, and he was there again (avoided me the whole time!) and discovered that he is gay and his sister had just become an Evangelical Christian, to his disapproval, so those two factors probably coloured his impressions, unbeknownst to me. But he certainly didn’t exhibit any animosity.

      • 192 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:16

        *laughing* My! How odd. Well, I give you credit for being honest and speaking your mind! That’s warrior-ness right there, you know.

      • 193 Jennwith2ns June 5, 2014 at 14:33

        :-) Right now I’m thinking I haven’t done anything like that in a while, and should maybe start looking for those opportunities again . . .

      • 194 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:35

        Yes! I think you should, at least. I mean, it sounds like great fun. It is great fun!

  14. 195 Bethy June 4, 2014 at 14:09

    This made me giggle because it is such a good story. And I completely feel the same way when people come up to me and ask that question. I think you answered it admirably!

    • 196 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:38

      Many thanks, Bethy! Sometimes, some mean people will ask questions that are searchingly rude–if you know what I mean. Lucky for me, my brain is so professorish, that I can make it work!

      • 197 Bethy June 5, 2014 at 10:34

        haha! Yes, I know! Social conventions can be so rude and weird sometimes. It’s a good thing you have your professorish brain! I think I might need to take lessons!

      • 198 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:22

        I’m honored! Social conventions are dadblamery.

  15. 199 weggieboy June 4, 2014 at 13:52

    When I can’t find the little thingy marks, I go to Google search, type in the word, and up it pops with the little thingy mark! From there, it’s a simple copy-paste maneuver that is a secret between you and your gods! I think there must be an [ALT] + some number that brings up an “e” with the thingy mark correctly leaning left or right (those French are diabolical about that…!), and some day, I am going to start at the start, and [ALT] + til;l I find all these thingy marks! I frequently need an umlauted “o” or “u”, and this process I mention for locating an “o” or “u” with an umlaut (German for “thingy mark”) to copy-paste surely takes longer than [ALT] + some magical number! One can’t be too efficient on the computer or what’s the point, eh?!

    • 200 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:36

      *laughing lots* So, it has a name! Aha! Well, I didn’t know you could use ALT. How interesting! I must give it go. Many thanks for this!

  16. 201 walt walker June 4, 2014 at 13:47

    How well do you know these two, P.VJ? Were you previously acquainted with them? I only ask because I am inclined to not trust them. They seem shady. Am I being too hasty in my judgment?

    • 202 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:35

      Not at all, sir! The professor didn’t know them at all, actually. New acquaintances, you see. What would you have done to them?

  17. 203 FictionFan June 4, 2014 at 13:38

    I shall unoriginally claim that the Professor is original and should speak in the third person if he wishes. Thus proving that I am a cliche…or a cliché, whichever you prefer.

    I do hope Mr Tree didn’t hit the Professor over the head…

    • 204 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:35

      *laughing* Well, I noticed the little mark on “cliche” in one of your posts. Of course, that made me jealous. That’s kinda why I added that qualifier, you see.

      How wicked! You should be interested to know, I haven’t had another such accident!

      • 205 FictionFan June 4, 2014 at 21:53

        Glad to hear it! One feels the Professorial brain is too delicate an instrument to withstand repeated bashing…

      • 206 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:16

        It might have gone missing months ago, you know.

      • 207 FictionFan June 5, 2014 at 16:06

        But how would we know…?

      • 208 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:43

        Well, it hasn’t been helping me out much. Does that mean it’s gone?

      • 209 FictionFan June 6, 2014 at 13:16

        Maybe it’s on vacation.

      • 210 Professor VJ Duke June 6, 2014 at 13:55

        On the beach perhaps. What a wonder. It’s your fault, too!

      • 211 FictionFan June 6, 2014 at 21:33

        I hope it’s having more fun there than Schwarzy! Mine? I get the blame for everything!

      • 212 Professor VJ Duke June 8, 2014 at 15:04

        Well, isn’t that fair?

      • 213 FictionFan June 9, 2014 at 13:05

        No!

      • 214 Professor VJ Duke June 9, 2014 at 13:45

        I’ve got to blame someone.

  18. 215 PorterGirl June 4, 2014 at 13:08

    What a shame those are not their real names, what splendid names they are! I think you did a marvellous job of making small talk with them and your comments are perfectly valid. I think they displayed a lack of original thought, in fact.

    There’s nothing wrong with talking in the third person, either. I think it can be quite charming when done correctly :)

    • 216 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 13:18

      Yes, yes! Too bad you weren’t there. You deal with such persons very well, Lucy. (I think you run into them all the time at Old College.) The names are professorish! But I’m sure they exist out there…they must!

      Does that mean the professor is charming?

      • 217 PorterGirl June 4, 2014 at 14:46

        Of course the Professor is charming, you certainly know I think that.

        These chaps seem very Old College-ish indeed. I wish I had been there, I like chatting to odd folk like that. We could have teased them cleverly without them even knowing! I hope you meet them again some day.

      • 218 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:41

        Aw, thanks! Charming like tigger.

        Well, you’d best be there if that happens. I’d let you deal with them. (I’d probably sneak away.)

      • 219 PorterGirl June 5, 2014 at 05:28

        Be sure to let me know if they show up, I’ll pop over and distract them :)

      • 220 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:20

        Perfect! And beat them!

      • 221 PorterGirl June 5, 2014 at 14:24

        Ha! If you insist! I shall beat them :)

      • 222 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 14:31

        With your sword cane! I need to get one of those.

      • 223 PorterGirl June 5, 2014 at 14:44

        Okay! Good plan :)

      • 224 Professor VJ Duke June 5, 2014 at 19:36

        *winks like a noodle*

  19. 225 Angeline M June 4, 2014 at 12:49

    I hate convention chatter and making small talk with who knows who they are. I love how you handled their question and putting the kabash on any further discussion. You said what you said, cliché or not (my computer put that thingy on the e of cliché all by itself, isn’t that a wonder?). Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump should be glad you didn’t bring up Daddy Salami…..hehehahaha.

    • 226 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 13:16

      Thank you, Angeline! *nods like a warrior* Tis true. The professor did stop the conversation as quickly as possible. (It is a wonder! Mine doesn’t. Now I’m jealous! Oh dear…)

      *laughing* Imagine if DS did come about! What do you suppose he would have done?

  20. 227 E. June 4, 2014 at 12:49

    In a sense, everything has been said/done/heard before. But there are little ticks and oddities that make you stand out. Sure, this is a vast world with 7-ish billion people existing on it, so yes there probably is someone just like you, and there is someone just like me, too.
    But they don’t know that. And we don’t know that.
    Assume yourself an original, even if you are only a unique sum of cliched parts, until proven otherwise.
    Did that make sense? I fear I wandered into the abstract….

    • 228 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 13:15

      *laughing* That makes complete sense! I think what I said, overall, can be taken as dadblamery. That’s what happens when the professor thinks on his feat. You’re a very wise lady, E.

      Imagine an army of 7 billion!

      • 229 E. June 4, 2014 at 13:18

        Dadblamery is necessary from time to time. And thank you. :)

        Oooh, that’s quite formidable. The trouble would be getting everyone to get along. I think that would require mass brainwashing, which feels unethical.
        What would an army of 7 billion fight against?

      • 230 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 13:25

        I think you’re right! The professor is dadblamery.

        It is! *laughing* That’s true. Imagine being the commander of that many! Goodness me!

        Well…I’m not even sure…aliens?

      • 231 E. June 4, 2014 at 13:29

        Maybe… Giants?

      • 232 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 18:34

        Yes, like the rock ones?

  21. 233 L. Marie June 4, 2014 at 12:44

    Ha! I’ll bet that knocked Mr. Tree and Dr. Stump back a peg. They seemed to have ganged up on you in that pretentious way. Perhaps they won’t try that again. Or they’ll sidestep you next time.

    • 234 Professor VJ Duke June 4, 2014 at 12:48

      Yes, and I fear I maybe insulted them a bit, bits, and little bits. I always say the first thing that pops into my mind and sticks. It’s dadblamery! But they were befuddled!


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