PL Reporter—7thE

PL Reporter

7th Edition
16 2014


Segment A
Punchy Proverbs


1. No one is ever okay, they only think they are. ~ V. Shnodgrate

2. The principle difference between “thinking” and “plotting” is that when you’re “thinking” you haven’t decided to do evil just yet. ~ Dr. Zauberer

3. There’s three differences between a man and an ant: One, the man can crush the ant. Two, man doesn’t live in the ground. Three, the man thinks the ant is better off than he is. ~ Manly-Man

Favorites, PF? The professor loves #3! How’d MM know I think about that all the time?


Segment B
Severe Weather Report


There’s a swarm of locusts passing through Barkoush’s territory. Emperor Napoleon fears they may reach his empire, and drink his wine.


[Icon made by Freepik from]


Segment C
Featured Story: The Mayor of Notebook
by J. Freedwoppen

The Mayor of Notebook, Abe Johnston, has been re-elected.

“We trust him,” one resident said. “I mean, he’s that good.”

“Yes,” another woman confirmed, “he also builds new bridges in very innovative ways.”

Both residents did not have family members, or friends, connected with the bridge incident.


Segment D
MicP Studios—Behind the Scenes
by Nicholas Warren

The grass was pretty high. I don’t like using ‘pretty’ like that. It doesn’t mean anything—not what I was using it for, anyway. Besides, the supposed meaning for ‘pretty’ there isn’t quite right. I should say, it was very high.

Like knee high.

I said, “Something must be done.”

VJ looked at me and asked, “What?”

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. How couldn’t he know? Obviously, he wasn’t thinking about the esthetics of our environment. I said, “This grass needs cut. We can’t even walk on our lawn.”

“Where’s Mic?”

“What’s that have to do with anything?”

“Maybe he has a mower.” VJ walked away whistling.

I stared at the grass for a few more minutes. Then I made a decision.

I walked away whistling.


Segment E
A Conversation

PROFESSOR VJ DUKE: Hey, Alb, I’m retiring.
ALBUQUERQUE: Wow. You’re stupid.
PROFESSOR VJ DUKE: No, I mean it this time. How can I go on when I can’t feel my arms?
ALBUQUERQUE: Since when can’t you feel your arms?
PROFESSOR VJ DUKE: Since yesterday’s dadblame sun.
ALBUQUERQUE: Hey, wait…the sun’s out now… Go outside.


Questions for Nicholas Warren? Comment here!
Need more information on any PL topic? Comment below to J. Freedwoppen!
Copyright 2014


201 Responses to “PL Reporter—7thE”

  1. 1 desertdweller29 June 18, 2014 at 18:05

    I came home to an infestation of ants in my kitchen. I’m with MM and will lord over the ant world. Muuhooohaaaahaaa….

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 00:51

      *laughing lots* Not ants! Did you beat them up?

      • 3 desertdweller29 June 19, 2014 at 13:00

        I crushed them!

        (Actually I gently placed traps containing a toxic liquid goo with a note that kindly requested they tell their friends to stay outdoors.)

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 18:07

        *laughing* The note. That’s where I went wrong last time. I forgot to give them a note!

  2. 5 erinkenobi2893 June 17, 2014 at 21:54

    Oh dear… did you get a sunburn, Professor? And the third one… 0_0 I’m surprised to hear something like that jewel of wisdom from Manly-Man, of all people!
    Maybe I’ll turn up and cut the grass for you… if I can figure out how to do it. :-P

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 12:49

      I sorta did, yes! But it’s tanned up now, which is nicer. I know! MM shocked me with that. But I must say, I like it lots. #3 is maybe my favorite.

      Would you use a weed-wacker?

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 June 18, 2014 at 14:00

        That’s better. :-)
        It is amazing what he can pull out of his hat, occasionally. Other times… not so much. ;-P
        No, I’d use the mower, I think.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 17:04

        But mower’s are eviler.

        MM has occasional glimpse of brilliance.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 June 18, 2014 at 18:17

        I’m not sure if I could get the grass at all to an even height without a mower. Lesser of two evils, and all that. :-P
        He does. 0_0 I wonder if he might be a secret creative genius who was halfway devoted to pestering the living daylights out of everyone???

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 00:57

        I see what you mean. An impossible task without a mower, for sure.

        Well, you’re right one. His real name is Jazzy Couldren. And he was a police chief. Then, he became very powerful, and his power made him careless. He’s really saner than he lets on.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 June 19, 2014 at 02:05

        Yeah. :-/ So, despite the fact that, as previously established, mowers are evil, I must use a mower and be on guard against its corruption. :lol:
        Well, that’s a wonder. So, why did he become very powerful?

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 12:47

        *laughing* And be careful! Mowers are deadly as well as evil…

        Well, the PL is defined by five creatures: the Punchies. One of them, Arnold (the orange one), befriended Jazzy. This gave Jazzy lots of power physically and materially. He’s just gotten careless now. Mr. Magi keeps him honest, though.

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 June 19, 2014 at 15:48

        I will. *puts on her most sturdy tennis shoes and very carefully starts to mow lawn*
        Oh! I see. Good for Mr. Magi! :-)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 18:23

        Haha. Much luck.

        Yes, he’s a good chap.

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 June 19, 2014 at 18:26

        Thanks. :-P And he is. :-)

  3. 16 The Dancing Rider June 17, 2014 at 21:45

    I like the third proverb the best. It has little twists and turns of meaning….. Besides, all plotting is not for evil, re #2 (though for Zaub I’m sure it is…)

    My favorite part of this edition is the tall grass. Or the pretty tall grass. Whichever. I feel bad for Mic. Should I? I think Nicholas is catching on. Hmmm. one wonders how anything might get done.

    By the way, Alb is very mean isn’t he?! And that bridge nonsense. Maybe something good will come out of it afterall.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 12:47

      Yes, quite right. Zaub is like that for sure. And you know, DR, that’s what I loved about #3 myself. Does it make MM a genius?

      Well, Nick shouldn’t be pulling professorish on me. Only I should be able to get away with it. Don’t you think?

      He is! What should be done, do you suppose?

      • 18 The Dancing Rider June 18, 2014 at 13:24

        MM is a Zen Master in this one. He’s not a genius, though.

        There’s only one professor, for sure. You know what they say about imitation….. I’m sure you do feel flattered, don’t you? ;-)

        Alb needs to be thrown off the new bridge, right? Ha, ha.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 16:59

        That’s true, I suppose. No one in the PL is, you know.

        I do actually yes! Is that bad of me? Now I”m all worried about it.

        *laughing* Yes!

      • 20 The Dancing Rider June 18, 2014 at 17:54

        No worries! You might need to take Nick to task though! Professor impersonations aren’t allowed! I suppose Mic has had to mow the lawn then?! ;)

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 00:51

        I think you should yell at Nick for me. Oh wait, that’s not fair, is it?

        Yes, quite so. Professor impersonations would be wicked–and hard!

        It’s still…well, it’s still…you know…

  4. 22 Hazy June 17, 2014 at 12:13

    #1 seems okay. Okay seems to be a stock answer too! Like, “How are you? I’m OK” (even when you’re not really, and have so much more to say but don’t feel like it)

    Ooh, wine-drinking locusts!

    The Mayor of Notebook, reelected! That is absurd, I say! Thinking subjectively… What are the things he’s done to be “that good”? (I hate politics. It’s so unnervingly… political)

    Lucky grass did not get mowed *laughs* And Alb is cheeky! Did the professor go out in the sun, as Alb advised? You must stock on aloe gel and sunscreen!

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 13:02

      *laughing* Yes, I do that all the time, I fear.

      A wonder, isn’t it? Would you eat a locust, Hazy?

      Politics can be vexing, but I think there’s something rather attractive about it, too, at the same time. I’m not sure what the mayor did–probably nothing! Or maybe he put more candy in the candy stores.

      I did not! The professor doesn’t burn too easily. But still…the sun can be vicious! And Alb is cheeky… What should I do to him?

      • 24 Hazy June 18, 2014 at 23:09

        Haha, same here.

        I don’t think I knowingly would! Even if it was covered in chocolate.

        I suppose it does. It’s sad when politicians gets drunk with power and abuse it. Candy! Yes, he probably bribed them with delicious candy.

        Make Alb get out in the sun, without sunscreen, just for a day, maybe? *mischievous grin*

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 01:23


        Me too! That would be too gross.

        For sure! Yes, candy can change everything, Hazy!

        *laughing* He does deserve it!

      • 26 Hazy June 22, 2014 at 13:18

        Gross indeed! Though I have tried gecko, i think. It was a cooked as a dish with some sauce. I only had a bite. Never again!

        What kind of candy?

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:25

        Oh how brave! What’d it taste like?

        Well suckers are good…and…well, what do you suppose?

      • 28 Hazy June 23, 2014 at 12:46

        It tasted… odd. Well, it sure didn’t taste like chicken!

        Ooh, yeah suckers are good for bribing. Maybe tootsie rolls or something?

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:43

        Goodness me! Well…goodness!

        Definitely tootsie rolls…and anything cherry!

      • 30 Hazy June 25, 2014 at 14:07

        Sounds yum! I think I like cherry Coke. It tastes fun.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 15:45

        It does! *laughs* And Dr. Pepper.

      • 32 Hazy June 26, 2014 at 13:40

        I haven’t tried Dr. Pepper! I’ll try and find it here. What does it taste like?

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2014 at 16:41

        Like Cherry Cola! I love it. It’s very sweet, too. Let me know if you find it!

      • 34 Hazy June 28, 2014 at 03:42

        Ooh, it must taste pretty good then. I sure will! *starts the quest for Dr. Pepper)

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2014 at 12:34

        *laughs* Let me know!

  5. 36 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 17, 2014 at 02:56

    #1 is my favorite this week. Sums me up quite nicely. #2…I think they’ve already decided to do evil..its the getting in trouble that they haven’t decided is worth it. #3

    I’m a fan of locusts. I love the sounds they make at night. Let Napoleon know I’m happy to drink wine with him and listen to the bugs.

    Now I’m analyzing how I write. Thanks, Gentlemen. *whistles while she walks away and pulls the pen in her grenade*

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:52

      Oh dear! Is Audith okay? #1 is a vicious one. I love your thoughts on #2. Sounds like me. But what about #3?

      But would you eat a locust or two?

      Why are you analyzing? Now I’m wondering if you’re going to blow us up!

      • 38 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 17, 2014 at 16:04

        Shnoddy and I often run the same deep underground ways of how one can self destruct. Thinking too much, Duketh. #1 is me a lot of the time strangely enough. I have horrible ways of discouraging myself quietly. #2 (I thought it did…) I love I caught that. Well, #3…Dadblameit!! Just remember you are the brightest star in the sky would you!!??!!?!

        Yes, after having wine I’d eat a plateful. Why not. Nothing scares me. *stares off*

        Because I make these mistakes all the time and it drives me nuts!!!!! I enjoy a smart mind that can pick out such laughable mistakes. Genius really! Umm, well, I may have blown something up.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 17:46

        Yes, I understand what you mean about #1. (Just encourage yourself more often. I try myself. It’s tough.) Brightest star? Now the professor is gardoobled! More info now!!!

        *looks to where she’s looking*

        But what mistake did you make? And you’re right: you are a genius!

      • 40 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 17, 2014 at 20:18

        (I always do.) More info on what???

        *begins whistling* Pulls her hat farther down on her head..

        Mistakes like using that word…pretty…in the way y’all described. Not me the genius..! You guys…

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 12:39

        (Good, good. Now I sound like Scientist.) On…on…oh dadblameit.

        Aha! I see it. A bear.

        Oh, that was Nick’s doing. I’ll still use it that way, since it can be pretty cool. Don’t pay him any heed!

      • 42 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 18, 2014 at 16:41

        (You do!! *laughs*) You being the brightest star? *winks*

        Duke, I’m glad you see him. Is he walkung towards us?

        But Nick has a pretty good point… *laughs*

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 17:17

        (*laughs*) *hides*

        He is, but it’s okay: I’ve got my hunting rifle. Just stay calm and watch his power! He shouldn’t harm us.

        He does…which is annoying!

      • 44 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 18, 2014 at 19:17

        *thows him a purple pillow* You know its true.

        This reminds me of last time, Duketh. I’m glad you’re here with me. He is really something to watch. He uses his nose a lot, you know?

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 01:04

        Purple? Thank you. Oh, I do not!

        I thought it might, Audith. He does use his nose! I bet he’s hunting for worms. *laughs*

      • 46 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 19, 2014 at 04:23

        We’ve not had a purple pillow or the need for one in a while. I’m failing at my job then, I guess.

        *smiles* Does he eat worms? Now, why is he sniffing the air? Worms don’t fly, Duketh.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 12:49

        You are not! What job, though?

        *laughs* Okay, maybe the professor was lying. He’s probably smelling us!

      • 48 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 19, 2014 at 16:31

        The job of embarrassing you with my compliments, which I love to do.

        See? I knew it…*giggle* Hides behind you.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 18:26

        Oh dear!

        We should blow his tongue off!

      • 50 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 20, 2014 at 02:50

        If you feel confident in your aim…go for it.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 13:27

        That might make him mad, though.

      • 52 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 20, 2014 at 16:52

        I have a feeling it will and he probably likes hisself just as he is.. look at him drawing in the dirt. Dust is going everywhere. ..

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 19:59

        He’s sharpening his claws, not drawling!

      • 54 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 21, 2014 at 04:37

        Oh…but he looks so happy. Almost joyful and seems to be skipping a bit right then…

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2014 at 16:25

        *laughing* He must have just had berries, then!

      • 56 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 22, 2014 at 00:11

        *giggle* Is that why he looks like he has grape jelly on his lips? Put the honey away, my dear. His nose is bouncing again!

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:20

        I love honey…now that you mention it.

      • 58 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 23, 2014 at 03:57

        Do you? Me, too. Have you ever written about honey, Duketh? *hmm*

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:38

        I have not! It’s too sticky to deal with.

      • 60 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 23, 2014 at 16:04

        *laughs* It is sticky…how does it get everywhere? ?

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 00:17

        That’s true. It defies logic, coming out of the can and all.

      • 62 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister June 24, 2014 at 05:34

        Yes, so true!

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 13:52


  6. 64 bardictale June 17, 2014 at 02:33

    Two is wonderful, while three is professorish. I can see why the professor likes it!

    He can store his wine at my bar; no locust will drink it, that I can promise him.

    Oh, one doesn’t need to feel ones arms if he can still use them. Maybe the grass should have been cut!

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:51

      Yes, I like the last part of #3 especially, Bard.

      But will the professor get it there?

      Bard! Wouldn’t it be difficult to move ones arms if you couldn’t feel them?

      • 66 bardictale June 17, 2014 at 15:59

        Why would he not? Is there a barrier preventing the approach of professors to my bar?

        Depends why you can’t feel them. If they fell asleep, then of course you can! ( and if it’s because manual labour, then you can as well)

        Of course, if a spell was cast, then one should check what it affects. Anything with the nerves is rather bad news.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 17:44

        Well…is there? I do hope not.

        That’s a good point. So, I should just ignore them, then?

        Yes, nerves are so complicated, Bard.

      • 68 bardictale June 17, 2014 at 23:09

        Not to my knowledge. I haven’t angered any sorcerers lately either. Will you check and let me know?

        Try a warm bath first, then if they are still sulking, yes.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 12:49

        I will. And I hope you haven’t, Bard.

        A warm bath…it takes too much time!

      • 70 bardictale June 18, 2014 at 14:11

        If you can’t take the time to enjoy a short, warm bath, then you’re doing something wrong.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 17:05

        Yes, what’s that mean about me?

      • 72 bardictale June 18, 2014 at 20:43

        It means that you need to take some time off and relax.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 01:18

        Can I fight with my katana still?

      • 74 bardictale June 19, 2014 at 02:55

        Not while you’re relaxing your arms!

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 12:47

        Rats! So many rules, Bard…

      • 76 bardictale June 19, 2014 at 14:16

        That’s life:-)

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 18:17

        Frank Sinatra!

      • 78 bardictale June 19, 2014 at 21:12

        You want me to call you Frank now?

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 13:18

        No, no!

      • 80 bardictale June 20, 2014 at 17:38

        Oh, okay.

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 20:02


      • 82 bardictale June 22, 2014 at 02:23

        Hey! Don’t you growl at me, sir.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:20

        Yes, sir!

  7. 84 InfiniteZip June 17, 2014 at 01:11

    #2#2#2 she types with a gleam in her eye and dastardly plans at her fingerbuds.

    • 85 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:50

      Haha! Oh dear. Such wickedness. It’s nice to be wicked, huh?

  8. 86 Simply Skeptical June 16, 2014 at 20:04

    Both the first two proverbs are fab. Dr. Z shouldn’t think I think. So true its a trick to think one’s okay especially in the Punchy Lands. Whistling won’t make the grass shorter AND ants are hard workers get to it! ;-)

    • 87 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:46

      I thought the whistling might help… Fab is a wonderfully abbreviation, btw. I really enjoyed your use of it. And I think you may like Dr. Z.

  9. 88 PorterGirl June 16, 2014 at 18:21

    Oooh the proverbs are good this week – number 1 is a bit defeatist, but probably right. Number 2 is wonderfully evil! And MM is right with Number 3. Very useful proverbs, I think.

    Bad news about the locusts. They probably won’t be too interested in the wine, though. I hope not anyway.

    Haha – good to hear the Mayor has been re-elected! Bravo!

    I was thinking the same thing about my lawn this weekend. It remains uncut, but I did seriously think about giving it a go. But then I remembered that my lawnmower has a fuel leak and I can’t fix it. I hope the man next door might help me.

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:40

      Yes, I’m still wondering, Lucy, when one might use #3. I mean, I do like it, but it’s a bit odd, for sure.

      If they would be, that would be scary!

      *laughing* You’re the only one happy about that, I fear! *secretly claps*

      He should help out. It would be nice of him. A fuel leak is a nasty thing.

  10. 90 Debbie June 16, 2014 at 15:42

    I like #1 and #2 today (sorry, Professor!) I’m not sure many men would agree that ants are better off than they are.

    Sounds like somebody needs to hire a lawn-mowing service. Whistling never solved any problems (though it’s a good thing to do, I hear, when one is afraid!)

    • 91 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 17:02

      But, dadblameit! You have to pick one… I think that’s true. There’s something dreadfully wrong with me.

      *laughing* Yes! Well, I’ll get Nick to do it, then.

  11. 92 Angeline M June 16, 2014 at 15:14

    There sure are a lot of questions left unanswered here. A lot of things left on the edge. Not a good way to start my day with very little coffee down the hatch yet. I go with proverb #1, for sure. And if I were E.Napoleon, I’d be very worried…..and definitely drink all the wine before the locusts arrive (sounds like when I know relatives are coming to visit).

    • 93 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 17:01

      *laughing* Relatives can’t be as bad as locusts. Well, maybe that’s not true. You can eat locusts you know. Would you eat them?

      What sort of questions?

  12. 94 E. June 16, 2014 at 14:38

    I need a mower. The lawn is becoming unruly.
    Also, I think I like the second quote the best.
    And what is the professor retiring from?

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 17:01

      Oh dear. Does it have flowers in it?

      Yes, doesn’t that make a lot of sense?

      Well…from being a professor. Isn’t it possible?

  13. 96 Susan P June 16, 2014 at 13:53

    I want a clear description of this grass, and that might help you two make a wise decision.

    How is the mayor of Notebook different from any other politician?

    But what if they really are okay?

    • 97 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:57

      Well, it’s longish and green. Does that help?

      Well, is the professor a politician?

      Who, the locusts?

      • 98 Susan P June 16, 2014 at 19:09

        I think it’s time for a nap.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:46

        Do you really want one?

      • 100 Susan P June 16, 2014 at 23:45

        I did then, but then I saw all of the work I had to do and soldiered on.

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:50

        That’s the spirit. Work is such dadblamery. We should bury it.

      • 102 Susan P June 20, 2014 at 20:07

        Where do you want to bury it? I’ve got a shove.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2014 at 16:16

        In the backyard under the shed.

      • 104 Susan P June 21, 2014 at 17:03

        It won’t stay there. *sigh*

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:09

        Oh yes it will!

      • 106 Susan P June 22, 2014 at 19:34

        Cement overcoat?

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:30

        What’s that?

      • 108 Susan P June 23, 2014 at 15:20

        It seems quite clear to me.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 00:13

        *sticks tongue out*

      • 110 Susan P June 24, 2014 at 01:10

        Now say “ahhhh” and gargle your throat.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 13:47

        I always hit the doctor in the throat when they say that to me.

      • 112 Susan P June 24, 2014 at 14:18

        How many law suits have you had to settle after doing that?

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 11:56

        The doctor always concedes defeat. *smiles bigly*

      • 114 Susan P June 25, 2014 at 12:12

        You can just wipe that smirk off of your face.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 12:17

        But why?

      • 116 Susan P June 26, 2014 at 00:44

        Why not?

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2014 at 16:18

        Smirking means victory.

      • 118 Susan P June 26, 2014 at 21:28

        Like Smaug?

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 13:05

        Dragons can only roar.

      • 120 Susan P June 27, 2014 at 13:29

        They have a really strong breath, though.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 20:53

        That’s for the fire.

      • 122 Susan P June 28, 2014 at 20:30

        Roasted garlic?

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2014 at 12:40


      • 124 Susan P July 1, 2014 at 16:16

        Oh that stuff ROCKS! A good dose of that would keep away a herd of dragons.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke July 1, 2014 at 21:51

        Yes, and lilies.

      • 126 Susan P July 2, 2014 at 01:00

        Lilies? What kind of lilies? I want to know!

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke July 2, 2014 at 13:36

        Water lilies? The only ones I know of.

      • 128 Susan P July 2, 2014 at 16:49

        There are water lilies, and day lilies, and lilies of the valley.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke July 2, 2014 at 21:55

        Ah, the professor is a lily of the valley.

      • 130 Susan P July 3, 2014 at 00:59

        Snort, giggle, hahahahHAH

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke July 3, 2014 at 20:20

        Hmm…well, maybe not. We like to think so, though.

      • 132 Susan P July 4, 2014 at 20:17

        My little granny had a border of them on the shady side of her house. Such delicate flowers and so fragrant.

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke July 6, 2014 at 18:17

        Well, maybe not like the professor, then.

  14. 134 Julie Harris June 16, 2014 at 13:32

    Proverb #1 holds much truth… never thought of what it meant to use “pretty” that way… now it really makes no sense!

    • 135 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:57

      Yes, Nick does bring up odd points, doesn’t he?

  15. 136 L. Marie June 16, 2014 at 13:22

    Once again, Walt Walker’s answer makes me chortle. I totally agree.

    Um, I’ll go with number 3.

    I have lost sympathy for the citizens of Notebook since they reelected their callous mayor.

    • 137 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:51

      He’s always making me laugh, for sure!

      You seem hesitant… *taps foot*

      Yes, I have to. Though there must be a few good ones.

      • 138 L. Marie June 17, 2014 at 12:01

        I’m hesitant, because well, you tell us you love number 3, and well, I usually give in to peer pressure so . . .

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 13:00

        *laughing* The professor is so wicked. Well, I’ve decided I like #2.

  16. 140 John W. Howell June 16, 2014 at 13:16

    Was in the bush once and ran into a herd of wine drinking locusts. Found out they preferred Merlot over Cabernet so we got along well until I ran out of Merlot. Napoleon should be worried. (especially if he runs out of Merlot)

    • 141 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:51

      *laughing lots* And what did they do when the wine was gone?

      • 142 John W. Howell June 16, 2014 at 17:17

        They started on the bourbon and I was able to sneak away when they started swarming like a bunch of drunken crazy locusts

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:39

        Hahaha! No wonder Napoleon is worried. I do wonder now if there’s a natural repellent…

      • 144 John W. Howell June 17, 2014 at 01:10

        The only thing I found that really works is a violin. It reminds them of the story of the grasshopper and the ant which as you recall was not great in the image department for the grasshopper. The locusts think of themselves as militant grasshoppers so when they hear a violin they get all concerned that some ants somewhere will think them irresponsible. They go off to pillage the country side to prove they still have it..

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 12:50

        *laughs* What grotesque little beasts. I think someone should tell them that making war isn’t working hard! Or maybe it is…

  17. 146 walt walker June 16, 2014 at 13:07

    If it were me, I’d make sure the wine got consumed before the locusts arrived. Keeps good wine from going to waste, and makes a plague of locusts a lot more fun.

    • 147 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:50

      *laughing* But, Walt, would you eat the locusts?

      • 148 walt walker June 16, 2014 at 21:15

        Well, I have a friend who traveled to one of those far off places where they eat cocoons. He tried one and afterwards recommended that others not. I can’t imagine locusts being much better than a cocoon, can you?

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:48

        Well, I don’t know, Walt. I’m scared about the prospect entirely. Don’t you suppose locusts are more crunchy? They probably don’t go down as easily.

      • 150 walt walker June 20, 2014 at 01:41

        I would think cocoons are crunchy in a Funyuns kind of way, whereas locusts might be crunchy in more of an eggroll kind of way. But I would not eat either unless there were really quite a bit of wine that needed saving first.

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 13:27

        Very true. Unless it was the wine that turned one into a pig. You would’t drink that, would you, Walt? Someone tried to make me drink it once.

      • 152 walt walker June 20, 2014 at 15:27

        I’ve never heard of such a wine. If I had, I would like to think I’d politely refuse it. I don’t wish to be a pig.

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 19:54

        Yes, but, Walt, this is the type they push on you. No politely refusing. You have to get nasty, I learned.

      • 154 walt walker June 20, 2014 at 23:09

        Then I will get nasty, if that’s what it takes to not get pigged.

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2014 at 16:24

        *laughing* You crack me up!

      • 156 walt walker June 22, 2014 at 05:35

        *bows; top hat stays on because nipped in; spectacles fall off*

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:21

        *laughing and laughing* Don’t you mean monocle?

      • 158 walt walker June 22, 2014 at 23:52

        Well, I looked at myself in that picture a bit more closely, and it doesn’t seem to be a monocle that I’m wearing after all. So I’m calling them spectacles now, unless you can think of a better name for them.

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:32

        You’re right: spectacles. I like the name better. But I still believe you have a monocle.

  18. 160 FictionFan June 16, 2014 at 12:55

    Egg nog?

    There’s something so true about no.2, I feel.

    Tchah! Everyone knows locusts prefer beer.

    *chuckling* That just about sums politics up, really!

    Poor Mic! Mind you, I suppose the difficulty of the task really depends on the height of Nick’s knees…

    The Professor must wear a hat when he goes out – I’m much more concerned about the effects of the sun on his brain than his arms. Such a delicate instrument needs careful protection.

    • 161 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 16:50

      I was in a Christmasy mood, wouldn’t you say?

      Yes, I liked #2 too. That sums me up, you know.

      I think they should throw him off a bridge–with sharp stakes poking up at the bottom!

      *laughing* You’re laughing Nick to scorn!

      But we’re not sure there is a brain, and I think it’s already fled me.

      • 162 FictionFan June 16, 2014 at 18:52

        But in June?The only reason to be happy about the intolerable heat and evil sunshine is the knowledge that Christmas is as far away as it can possibly be…in both directions!

        Me too. I wonder if we’re plotting against the same people…

        That does sound like fun! But will we have to wait for him to build the bridge first?

        *laughing scornfully* I am! Isn’t that a) mean b) wicked c) fun or d) mean, wicked AND fun?

        No, I’m fairly sure it’s still in there – possibly it goes through dormant periods, like hedgehogs.

      • 163 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:43

        I’m happy that it’s rather far off myself. It’s all dadblamery. Egg nog should be allowed to be drunked in the the summer, though. (You should go to the pool and enjoy the sun!)

        Ooo! Well, who are you plotting against?

        Yes, and then you can throw him over.

        It’s d! Poor Nick…

        Hedgehogs…that’s doesn’t sound too good. I’m a snow leopard, remember.

      • 164 FictionFan June 17, 2014 at 13:26

        Dadblamery indeed! And egg nog is a bit yucketh – champagne is what we need! (Then I’d end up like Tommy with a pretty pink nose…only not so pretty…and red rather than pink…)

        Should I tell you? Can you be trusted? Well…I’m plotting against Prince John. It’s time he was ejected from Scotland so that the…ahem…rightful ruler can take her place. Oh…or his, of course…

        Can I? Ooh, it’ll be one of the proudest moments of my life!

        (Oh, I’m also plotting against Nick, Mic and Bubbles – I feel they’ve been giving my Professor a hard time recently…but DON’T tell them…)

        But do snow leopards hibernate?

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2014 at 17:38

        Yes, egg nog can be a bit Yucketh when you think about it. Okay, stock my castle with that, too, please. (Oh, I see. Now I know what happened to Tommy!)

        Of course the professor can be trusted! Yes, I think I agree. Then you can build me 3 castles.

        *laughing* Okay, I am a bit shocked by your reply. But also happy.

        (Yes! They have. Do something horrid to them, please.)

        Well, I’m not sure. Doesn’t the professor?

      • 166 FictionFan June 17, 2014 at 20:55

        Ok – but the champagne’s for me. You get cherryade. (His pretty pink ears get a little pinker in the sun too – he really needs a baseball cap.)

        But I may need your help to put my nefarious plan into action – once I think of it. And you must tell me who you’re plotting against…

        *proud face*

        (I’m working on it…perhaps I should write them each a poem…)

        I don’t know. Don’t you know? Oh no! What shall we do?

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 12:45

        But you might get giddy with champagne…you better have the cherry juice, too. Unless…no! I’d rather the champagne myself. Just make it cherry flavored. (I’ll bring one for him when I visit, and I”ll bring a muzzle for Tuppence.)

        The professor will probably help, yes. Well…against…but you wouldn’t know who that chap was…

        *prouder face*

        (Yes! Your poems are good, though. It’ll make them laugh, for sure!)

        I’m still working on not having to sleep every night. The time waste!

      • 168 FictionFan June 18, 2014 at 15:34

        But if we both drink champagne till we’re giddy then we could dance the Charleston. (*laughing lots* Poor Tuppence! Bet she’d be nice to the Professor, you know – she’s an awful flirt…)

        OK, I was thinking that we could borrow the drunken locusts and release them in his castle – what do you reckon? Well…I would if you told me!

        (But I don’t want them to laugh – I’m supposed to be making them suffer! Perhaps I’ll sing to them instead…)

        You’re so right! Imagine how many Dickens novels you could get through if you read for eight hours a night!

      • 169 Professor VJ Duke June 18, 2014 at 17:14

        And kill an enormous amount of brain cells! Good noodles!!! (Now I feel bad. Well I give her a pat or two, definitely!)

        But, dadblameit, that means I have to go and collect them. Will you come along? It’s this guy, see…

        (Oh, that wouldn’t work either. Maybe just send them hate mail.)

        You mean how many worm trophies!

      • 170 FictionFan June 18, 2014 at 20:02

        Och, who needs them? They just take up space.

        Good noodles! Is it too much to ask? I tell you, if you want to be Earl of the Highlands and Lord of All the Isles you’ll have to put a bit of effort into my rise to Queendom, you know! Uh-huh, this guy – got that! And?

        (I could send them howlers! Which you would understand better if only you’d ever read HP…)

        *laughing* Yes! Much better!

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 01:17

        I need them! Because my brain left, dadblameit. So self-centered!

        Will I be your boss if I’m the Lord and Earl? Or will you outrank me still?

        This guy. Well, I’m not sure if he’s being mean to me or not. How can I tell?

        (Well, what is a howler? I think BUS is JK Rowling, btw.)


      • 172 FictionFan June 19, 2014 at 16:45

        Oh, OK, huffy – you can borrow some of my used ones then. The ones I used for reading the lovely Jane, perhaps?

        You most certainly will not!! I shall be the ultimate power in the land, but if you’re very good and pay me lots of compliments, I might let you lead my armies when I send them off to invade…places. You’ll need to learn how to play the bagpipes though…

        Lie on your back and see if he tickles your tummy…

        (It’s a kind of magic letter that shouts – you really must read the HP books. Shall I put them on the TBR list for you? I could ask BUS to sign them for you…)

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke June 19, 2014 at 18:32

        Are you sure you use any to read Jane?

        Rats. Well…no! I’ll be the general. No bagpipe playing. None at all. Wouldn’t be fitting. You could, though, if you’d like.

        *laughing lots* I think he’d kill me…

        (Well, first tell BUS she could do better than that.)

      • 174 FictionFan June 19, 2014 at 22:58

        *gasps* Ooh, ouch!! How dare you! Any more cheek and…and…I’ll make you watch the film version of S&S!!

        Oh, but bagpipe playing is the man’s job – and I believe it works better when you can do circular breathing…

        *laughing* Well, I think that would definitely count as being mean…

        (But then she might send ME a howler…)

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 13:25

        Well, isn’t Alan Rickman in it? That might not be so bad. Especially if they have Mark Wahlberg.

        You’re not supposed to remember those things!

        Then, I can take his head?

        (BUS wouldn’t be so mean!)

      • 176 FictionFan June 20, 2014 at 16:16

        Yes, he is! (Cor blimey! Phwoaaarrr! Lor’ Love a Duck!) How did you know that? Have you watched it? Why Mark Wahlberg?

        What things? I’ve forgotten…

        Certainly! And mount it as a trophy on your wall!


      • 177 Professor VJ Duke June 20, 2014 at 19:59

        Well…well…maybe I’ve seen a part…but I didn’t stay watching long. Because Mark is very cool! And strong.

        Right you are, then! Carry on, Mrs. FEF.

        That will be ghastly!

        (I don’t believe it!)

      • 178 FictionFan June 20, 2014 at 22:33

        Hah! I bet you’ve seen it eight times! But Mark is American! Colonials aren’t allowed in Austen films…


        But people would think twice before they were mean to you in future…

        (You wait till you meet her! Scary!! Even Nessie will be polite to her…)

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2014 at 16:22

        I have not! Couldn’t stand it. The one who broke the leg deserved it. Should have been left in the rain. Maybe I got the wrong movie there…

        That’s true. But they couldn’t get to me anyway in jail!

        (I think BUS has a fondness for the professor. *laughing lots*)

      • 180 FictionFan June 21, 2014 at 23:27

        Haha! Odd how well you know the plot! But how can you be so mean about lovely (if annoying) Marianne?

        Oh Smiles would break you out of jail in no time! And I’d help him!

        (I suspect you’re right, you know…)

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2014 at 19:15

        Well, that’s the part I saw. Don’t make anything of it! I thought about watching the whole dadblame thing when I saw Rickman. But I couldn’t take it. (She spells her name wrong. That’s how I can be mean!)

        That’s very nice to know. Bring Vin Diesel along, too.

        (It all started with the Samurai Rat, too.)

      • 182 FictionFan June 23, 2014 at 12:42

        But…I don’t think Rickman appears till quite well into the film. But I can understand why you found it so irresistible. (She does not! The Professor is mean just because he is!)

        Smiles can bring Vin if he wants. I might bring my Georgie…

        (It did! You may have to wear a SR disguise when you meet her at the castle…)

      • 183 Professor VJ Duke June 23, 2014 at 13:42

        Well, I started at the middle! Don’t go thinking that I watched the whole thing! *smiles proudly*

        Georgie? No! You’re not allowed. I’ll lop off his head if you do.

        (I hope she likes rats.)

      • 184 FictionFan June 23, 2014 at 17:14

        Hah! Your whole story is unconvincing! This judge finds you guilty! *laughing lots*

        Oops! Back into jail with you, I fear…see you in a few years!

        (I’m sure she likes fluffy ones…)

      • 185 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 00:21

        You’re always finding me guilty. *huff-hum’s away*

        Only if you turn me in…

        *maybe a gag*

      • 186 FictionFan June 24, 2014 at 13:01

        Someone has to reveal the truth about your Austen addiction…

        If you attacked my Georgie, I would! And then I’d come and visit you in prison and eat cashews in front of you without offering you any…unsalted ones!

        Poor BUS!

      • 187 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2014 at 14:04

        I don’t have one, dadblameit! Though I’m supposed to get North Abbey or whatever it’s called.

        But he betrayed you remember… How mean of you! I wouldn’t do such things to you!

        Yes, I feel bad for her too. Does she like cherries?

      • 188 FictionFan June 24, 2014 at 17:14

        Oh, yes, you should!! You’d love it – especially all the bits about romance…and dancing!!

        True – I had forgotten! Oh, go on then – chop his head off! And have a cashew…

        Actually she adores cherries! I’m getting rather concerned about the similarities between the two of you… *pouts jealously*

      • 189 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 12:09

        No! You’re not serious, are you? You can’t be! *maybe screams*

        And no betraying me later, young lady!

        *shocked face* What a wonder… But she doesn’t like Monk like FEF…

      • 190 FictionFan June 25, 2014 at 17:07

        In Austenworld, no-one can hear you scream…

        As if I would ever betray my C-W-W!! (Unless Schwarzy asked me to, of course. Or Rafa…)

        *smug face* That’s very true – and she doesn’t watch Star Trek either…

      • 191 Professor VJ Duke June 25, 2014 at 23:32

        That reminds me, 6th episode finished!

        I fear that those three periods indicate that it’s quite a long list… *cries*

        There you go! And FEF likes cashews and cherry juice.

      • 192 FictionFan June 26, 2014 at 01:53

        Hurrah! Hurrah! Tomorrow – which is in fact today over here?

        *chuckles even though she knows she shouldn’t* No, don’t cry! It’s not verrrrrrry long – and Georgie’s not on it anymore so it’s getting shorter!

        Er…no, she doesn’t. *sad face* But on the other hand that means we won’t fight over snacks! *happy chocolate-smeared face*

      • 193 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2014 at 16:26

        Aha! You should set your clocks to the right time.

        Schwarz and Rafa are on it. You should have an epic showdown betwixt the two of them.

        Only mean apes fight over snacks, dadblameit!

      • 194 FictionFan June 26, 2014 at 22:47

        Soon it will be yesterday…

        Oooh, no – the emotional turmoil would be too great! And anyway Schwarzy’s so much smarter than Rafa that it really wouldn’t be a fair contest.

        Only a man would believe that!

      • 195 Professor VJ Duke June 27, 2014 at 13:16

        Now I’m gardoobled!

        Yes, I agree. When I heard Rafa speak I thought he was a bit dull. Glad you’re on to it, though!

        That seems backwards, you know, you know.

      • 196 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member June 16, 2014 at 19:45

        I do think I should tell you that my knees are a perfectly respectable distances above the ground!

      • 197 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2014 at 22:46

        Are you sure, Nick?

      • 198 FictionFan June 17, 2014 at 13:29

        Ah but is that respectable for a grasshopper? Or a thark?

      • 199 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member June 17, 2014 at 19:01

        I can’t believe you like Tharks… My knees are respectable for a human.

      • 200 FictionFan June 17, 2014 at 20:59

        Ah, but what you have to remember is that I’ve been subjected to a full year of Professorishness now. You of all people should understand the effect that can have on the brain…

        I’d like to believe you but I think it’d be better if we were given some photographic evidence…

      • 201 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member June 18, 2014 at 16:59

        You should try to fight the professorish influence. It is dangerous. Society is already insane enough.

        You should know that photographic evidence is strictly against the rules of Mic P studios. And against Professor’s moral code. I probably should have listed the last reason first…

Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,869 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on

Blog Stats

  • 116,407 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:




Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: