Lucini Pavarinni: Chocolate Worms

The following story, PF, was submitted by Lucini Pavarinni. You may remember him  as Daddy Salami’s adopted son. 

Mr. Pavarinni is weighing in on the “Mortimer Butterfield Chococlate Worm Adventure”. (I know ‘adventure’ wasn’t the best of words, but I can’t think of the better ones–at the mimute.)

***

When I was yet a newcomer to the Punchy Lands, I had an unsuccessful stint working for  the CIO. That is, Mortimer Butterfield’s Candy and Ice Cream Organization, LLC. [Editor’s note: Highly debated whether “LLC” is appropriate or accurate.]

It was unsuccessful because I discovered that his recipes actually did include insects, and while I was never particularly thrilled with his products, I did feel it was my most profound duty to somehow warn the poor unsuspecting consumers.

Integrity bound me to this purpose, though it would likely culminate in losing a position that was quite good from a financial standpoint. I was a manager and B’s [i.e. Butterfield’s] workers were not (and still aren’t to my understanding) the most intelligent workforce to ever toil on the face of the planet. So it was relatively easy to formulate a plan of attack.

But before I reveal my approach, let me clear up any confusion with regards to B’s actual chocolate recipe. When you buy it at the store, there are NO worms in it. At least, not many. There are, however, many worms added at some point during the making process. These are not earthworms, contrary to popular belief among conspiracy theorists in the PL. They are more in line with bloodworms, very small and slightly red. The exact species B. uses is a mystery.

The function of the worm is to actually digest the chocolate and, in the process, leave behind a more delicate, creamy product. Sort of like Casu marzu.

We don’t make this stuff up.

So my plan was very simply: increase the diversity of wildlife in B’s chocolate. It would be the perfect way to inform his loyal customers. The workers either didn’t notice or didn’t care. Finding a large variety of insects in B’s chocolate chilled the enthusiasm for his products. Sales went down; B. figured it out and instead of firing me, he thew me into permanent detention in the company’s cellar. In the PL, pretty much everyone takes justice into their own hands. And it is usually a good deal stiffer than what we are accustomed to on the other side.

Fortunately, I had powerful friends and managed to escape.

Years later, it seems like the chocolate connoisseurs of the PL have quite forgot their lesson.

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202 Responses to “Lucini Pavarinni: Chocolate Worms”


  1. 1 Susan P July 11, 2014 at 18:41

    Maybe you didn’t know that there are bug eggs in most flours and in rice.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:45

      Seriously? Yucketh! You’re kidding!

      • 3 Susan P July 12, 2014 at 15:06

        Seriously. They hatch out if it is humid and hot. Then they fly around and lay more eggs ad infinitum.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:48

        Is that where all the gnats come from?

      • 5 Susan P July 14, 2014 at 14:41

        I dunno about gnats, but we did a science project one time that had to do with the reproduction capacity of fruit flies and it kind of got out of control.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 19:45

        Ooo! Yucketh. I bet Bethy didn’t like it.

      • 7 Susan P July 14, 2014 at 20:04

        None of us liked it! Ick.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 20:06

        I bet Harry laughed.

      • 9 Susan P July 15, 2014 at 02:28

        Harry was decidedly cranky.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2014 at 12:49

        I sorta understand that, you know.

      • 11 Susan P July 15, 2014 at 21:23

        What can I say? We bought some flypaper and they were gone in a few days.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 00:48

        They taste weird, too.

      • 13 Susan P July 16, 2014 at 12:26

        The fruit flies or the flypaper?

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 13:15

        Flies in general. They taste lemony, I hear.

      • 15 Susan P July 16, 2014 at 14:16

        You shouldn’t believe everything you hear. I never do.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 17:32

        I suppose I should learn from Susan…I will!

      • 17 Susan P July 16, 2014 at 18:38

        Will what?

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2014 at 00:18

        Not believe what I hear! *smiles proudly*

      • 19 Susan P July 17, 2014 at 18:39

        You are an excellent student.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2014 at 22:43

        Every so often, I fear.

      • 21 Susan P July 18, 2014 at 16:06

        Why is it fearful?

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2014 at 16:48

        Because, don’t you get beaten when you flunk?

      • 23 Susan P July 18, 2014 at 17:54

        Who dares beat the Professor?

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke July 19, 2014 at 01:03

        Everyone, I fear. Even the mice.

      • 25 Susan P July 19, 2014 at 18:27

        I shall call adult protective services and send them right there.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2014 at 15:51

        I hope it works, but I doubt it as highly as the moon is low.

      • 27 Susan P July 20, 2014 at 21:13

        Why? It’s raining here. Why isn’t the moon high?

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2014 at 13:10

        The moon only looks high. Then Lawrence comes out.

      • 29 Susan P July 21, 2014 at 13:46

        Which Lawrence? Lawrence Welk? Cause he’s dead, you know?

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2014 at 17:04

        Lawrence the werewolf!

      • 31 Susan P July 21, 2014 at 18:44

        You just made that up, didn’t you?

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:28

        I did not! *laughs*

      • 33 Susan P July 22, 2014 at 13:40

        I am not going laugh laugh.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:48

        You don’t believe me…because I lie frequently. Did I just say that?

      • 35 Susan P July 23, 2014 at 01:35

        Is that a trick question?

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:27

        Professorish question!

      • 37 Susan P July 23, 2014 at 17:22

        Then the answer is yes…and no.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 19:47

        Yes, perfect answer.

      • 39 Susan P July 23, 2014 at 23:30

        :D

  2. 40 Jackie July 11, 2014 at 11:39

    eck. I’m a vegan – this story grossed me out!

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 13:03

      *laughing* It’s gross no matter what! Do you like chocolate, Jackie? I mean, that’s not meat or anything. Though with the worms…

      • 42 Jackie July 11, 2014 at 13:10

        I love chocolate!

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 13:12

        Do vegans have some meat? Or do they just have dairy? I really forget, and I’m sure you’ve told me before.

      • 44 Jackie July 11, 2014 at 13:22

        Vegans don’t eat anything that comes from an animal. Some vegetarians eat dairy neither one eats meat. There are different types of vegetarians but vegans are basically the same in their philosophy. Thats a very broad answer. if you want to read more about it google vegans and vegetarians :-)

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:28

        Many thanks, Jackie! I’ll have to see what’s up for sure. I’m easily confused, since I’m professorish.

      • 46 Jackie July 12, 2014 at 02:16

        You’re very welcome, Professor! It’s okay I understand about getting confused easily. It happens to me too even though I’m not the least bit professorish!

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:33

        *laughing* That makes me feel much better! Thanks, Jackie.

  3. 48 erinkenobi2893 July 10, 2014 at 15:26

    Just rabble-rousing, or actual honesty? Only time will tell.

    • 49 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 17:59

      I fear it could be true, though. Would you have the chocolate?

      • 50 erinkenobi2893 July 11, 2014 at 19:24

        I don’t know. *shrugs*

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:50

        Of course you would!

      • 52 erinkenobi2893 July 12, 2014 at 17:56

        He could be right, but it’s also more than possible that he’s doing some muck-raking, and even making up his muck.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:52

        Good point. He needs some pies in the face.

      • 54 erinkenobi2893 July 14, 2014 at 16:43

        *throws one* You never realize how cathartic pie-throwing can be until you’ve thrown one. ;-P

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 19:54

        Yes, it just heals! *throws one and takes a deep breath*

      • 56 erinkenobi2893 July 15, 2014 at 14:59

        *throws another pie at Palpacreep and relaxes* Ahhh, that just felt so right. *beatific smile*

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2014 at 15:52

        Just watch out for his electricity.

      • 58 erinkenobi2893 July 15, 2014 at 20:58

        Ehh, I can absorb and dispel (dis-SPELL! :-P) it with my bare hands. First thing I learned as a warlock–though I learned it from Obi-Wan, not from Merlin. (Ever notice? Merlin never seems to deflect those attacks! He always gets hit by them! I’m starting to think he’s a Niman user–he certainly is no master of Soresu! :-P)

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 00:40

        That’s a good point. I only thought Yoda was powerful enough to do that?

      • 60 erinkenobi2893 July 16, 2014 at 11:24

        It’s not a question of power so much as of practice. And I’ve had lots of chances to practice, between Camelot and the galaxy far, far away.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 13:05

        I don’t need to practice since I’m a Sith. But you seem like a mighty foe.

      • 62 erinkenobi2893 July 16, 2014 at 15:00

        *shrugs* I try, I suppose.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 17:35

        Yes, me too.

      • 64 erinkenobi2893 July 16, 2014 at 19:48

        :-P

  4. 65 Sonya Solomonovich July 10, 2014 at 04:14

    This casu marzu business is fascinating! I just looked it up. It seems you also coined a new word: mimute?

    • 66 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 12:02

      Yes, isn’t it? I had no idea about it until Pav sent his story in actually. He always knows these things.

      Yes! Isn’t it better than “minute”?

      • 67 Sonya Solomonovich July 11, 2014 at 01:39

        Much better!

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 13:01

        *bows* Many thanks, Sonya!

  5. 69 The Dancing Rider July 9, 2014 at 18:32

    Ugh. I was gagging whilst reading. Pavarinni has an odd take on the matter – introducing a variety of insects?! I’m not sure I would have banished him to the cellar. He was trying to improve the product. Riiight.

    However, he does have a point. The PL’rs seem to have forgotten. And now they are happy with wormy chocolate.

    I guess the moral is everyone gets sort of what they deserve in the PL’s! Eek. Remind me not to visit. I wouldn’t be certain of my fate if I did! ;-)

    • 70 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 23:05

      *laughing* Would you have killed him? Stuck him in a vat of acid? That might be the way, DR. I agree.

      Well…wouldn’t you try just a piece? It’s creamier.

      I’d take you to the safe places if you came. But…the CIO is land renowned, you know.

      • 71 The Dancing Rider July 10, 2014 at 20:25

        Oh GAG, no. Not even one piece. It makes me feel sick! (I couldn’t do that, not even to Pavarinni, though I might wish I could…. )

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 12:35

        *laughs* I understand! It’s the principle of things. DS would come out more horrid than ever, I think.

  6. 73 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 9, 2014 at 15:02

    Umm, Lucini shouldn’t be trusted ever again. What a gross idea. No need for creaming chocoalte ice cream. It used to be my favorite and now I’ll never choose it again. Gross!

    Boys are gross…snakes, snails, puppy dog tails and all that! Yucketh!

    • 74 Jazzy Couldren July 9, 2014 at 18:10

      You watch your attitude about boys… We’s all manly. Besides, It was Mortimer idea. :}

      • 75 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 9, 2014 at 23:52

        When did you get here? *laughing lots*
        Who asked you, MM. Manly boys? Hmm.
        Maybe you just like placing the blame on him, Sir.

      • 76 Manly Man (@JazzyCouldren) July 10, 2014 at 14:34

        I’s don’t like your attitude. I’s gonna send a rocket at you.

        That worm sitting on your shoulder done asked me.

        I’s do what I’s gonna do.

    • 77 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:46

      Well…Audith…don’t the blood worms make some sense? Just a bit?

      What about professors?

      • 78 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2014 at 00:18

        Makes sense, but…Duketh…tis nasty to even think about really. The thoughts are well done…its the internalizing of the idea that has left me a bit…*gulp*

        They’re my favorites…

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 11:48

        I know. And the problem is that Pav tied his story in with the cheese. That’s quite true. And so is the bloodworms. It’s rather…disgusting. But…let’s be open minded about this! *laughs* Have a piece.

        Favorites? But there’s only one!

      • 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2014 at 16:45

        Cheese is good…now I’m hungry. I’m open minded, I promise. *eyes narrowing*…you first!

        Hmmm. Yes, of course!

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 18:06

        Well…Charlie first! Is that fair?

        It’s so funny that you’re not sure about that.

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2014 at 21:28

        Do you think he’d mind? Seems normal to me, maybe.

        Well, ….haha. Tell me why…

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 12:44

        I think Charlie wouldn’t it in the least.

        Well,there’s only one, you know.

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 11, 2014 at 22:14

        I think you’re right. Let him have some!

        And…

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:52

        *gives Charlie some*

        And that’s all. Isn’t it simple?

      • 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 12, 2014 at 02:55

        Does he like it? I can’t tell, Duketh.

        No…because sometimes you don’t sound like my Duketh.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:35

        I can’t tell either! I think he doesn’t care about it.

        How so, though?

      • 88 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 15, 2014 at 05:10

        Charlie is a brave slug. I’m proud of him for trying it. Now…you!

        Hard to explain, I guess. *shrugs*

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2014 at 12:53

        Now you want to be proud of the professor slug?

        That’s not good enough!

      • 90 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 16, 2014 at 05:24

        Shouldn’t I be?

        Oh come on…you tell me.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 13:01

        Hmm…what a rotten question. Now I’m stuck…

        I…don’t know.

      • 92 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 16, 2014 at 16:08

        Well. There ya go. We’re stuck.

        Me…either. *laughs*

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2014 at 17:46

        We’re stuck in the mud! Quicksand!

        Let’s swear, then.

      • 94 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 17, 2014 at 01:32

        I think I can be proud of you and stuck in quicksand. We’ll die in here, you know…

        No. I don’t know what to do with you.

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2014 at 14:48

        It’s not supposed to be a proud moment! Let’s get out, then.

        Dadblameit!

      • 96 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2014 at 04:15

        You make getting out sound easy. It isn’t, you know. This isn’t the best idea you’ve had and here I am following you into quicksand and now stuck.

        And you swore… *laughing*

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2014 at 12:53

        All we have to do is grab onto that branch up there!

        Yes… Malediction!

      • 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2014 at 14:19

        That little one?

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2014 at 16:39

        No, the big, thick one!

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2014 at 18:23

        Which one…

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke July 19, 2014 at 01:05

        This one… *climbs out and pulls Audith out*

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 19, 2014 at 05:21

        Oh! Wow! You’re so strong…. (It would have never been that easy, you know!) *laughing lots*

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2014 at 15:44

        Yes, it would have!

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 20, 2014 at 21:18

        It doesn’t look that easy in the movies, you know.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2014 at 13:12

        That’s because the professor isn’t in the movies!

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 21, 2014 at 14:31

        You forgot to add, “and neither is Audith.”

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2014 at 17:47

        I’ll be ripping movies, though. That’s true.

      • 108 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 22, 2014 at 04:31

        Yes and it will be nice, I bet.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:37

        Scary!

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 24, 2014 at 02:30

        Should do something about it.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 13:58

        I don’t know…should I be in them?

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 24, 2014 at 22:38

        Yes, please. *smiles sweetly* PLEASE!!

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke July 25, 2014 at 13:48

        Goodness. You really want it!

      • 114 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 25, 2014 at 15:56

        Naw. Probably not.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke July 26, 2014 at 14:36

        Yeah…me neither.

      • 116 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 26, 2014 at 21:08

        *waves goodbye*

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke July 27, 2014 at 15:48

        Sadly, not.

      • 118 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 28, 2014 at 04:01

        Please be in them, Duke. Please. You are making me beg.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke July 28, 2014 at 17:09

        Aw! But…but…it’s…well…you might not like it!

      • 120 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 29, 2014 at 04:39

        How could I not like it? Tell me…

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2014 at 13:12

        Well…how do you picture the professor?

      • 122 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 29, 2014 at 17:20

        I’ve told you before, Duke…

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2014 at 17:59

        I know…

      • 124 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 29, 2014 at 18:50

        You don’t remember though…

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2014 at 23:26

        I kinda do…but, you see, I’ve been…well…his appearance is being altered.

      • 126 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 30, 2014 at 05:10

        It is? By whom? I thought I was the only one who could alter my own private thoughts on how you look? What’s happening? Tell me…

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke July 30, 2014 at 16:46

        Wouldn’t it be cool if the professor was CGI?

      • 128 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 30, 2014 at 20:40

        Well, yes! Are you??

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2014 at 13:13

        Rats, no!

      • 130 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 31, 2014 at 17:31

        Then what?

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2014 at 23:51

        I’m a boring costume.

      • 132 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 1, 2014 at 03:12

        Sorry to hear that, Duke. *slaps you on the shoulder and gathers her things*

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2014 at 16:00

        But you can’t find your things! I hid them, so you can’t run away.

  7. 134 L. Marie July 9, 2014 at 14:17

    Well, at least he owned up to the worm aspect, though I much prefer my chocolate to be worm-free.
    I’ve eaten chocolate covered grasshoppers and ants before. (Really.)
    And I agree with Walt Walker. I’d like to hear the story of his escape.

    • 135 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:44

      Wow! How’d that taste? Horrid?

      I’ll have to ask Pav to tell it. You know, I think DS is involved.

  8. 136 desertdweller29 July 9, 2014 at 13:41

    Ah, some history to this chocolate debacle! Mr. Pavarinni should have thrown in some wildlife that would consume the calories before human digestion. That way, we enjoy the taste, but do not suffer the increase poundage. Ingenious, no? (It’s all your LP…run with it if you choose to return to your chocolate heritage.)

    • 137 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:50

      Haha! That would be ingenious. But how do you suppose the chocolate would look…after losing calories? I’d hate to think about it looking horrid. Oh, what sort of wildlife?

      • 138 desertdweller29 July 9, 2014 at 14:03

        The chocolate would look delicious, Prof! All of this engineering would be achieved within the confines of the human body. I can’t go into detail, however. It would expose my utter lack of knowledge on human anatomy. Also, it brings up bad memories of receiving a C in biology. But really I blame that on frogs.

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:43

        *laughing lots and lots* Did you have to dissect frogs? I remember doing that to an earthworm, I think.

  9. 140 walt walker July 9, 2014 at 13:31

    Mr. Pavarinni’s solution to this ghastly problem was ingenious, and quite courageous considering his subsequent punishment. I would be curious to hear the tale of his escape. Perhaps it could be told one evening around a campfire. Are songs sung of it?

    • 141 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:48

      But, Walt, he betrayed Mortimer. And Mortimer was just doing the right thing for business. Don’t you suppose that it makes sense? Creamier chocolate, you see.

      Well, his escape…no songs yet. Will you write one?

      • 142 walt walker July 9, 2014 at 16:08

        But… Old Sport! Insofar as I can tell, the creamier chocolate of which you speak is what amounts to worm poo! Am I wrong? If not, then it is a ghastly product, and worthy of the decision to betray.

        I can’t write campfire songs. Only lullabies. And those are not suited to sagas of heroic escape.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:57

        Well…Walt…must you look it at that way? Isn’t that a rather mean way to look at things? Couldn’t you see it as better chocolate? You might be right.

        *laughing* It deserves a lullaby!

      • 144 walt walker July 10, 2014 at 01:50

        If there is a mean way of feeling sorry for innocent lovers of chocolate who’ve been duped into eating worm poop, then color me guilty.

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 12:02

        *laughing* You do have a point…ignorance maybe is bliss!

  10. 146 Simply Skeptical July 9, 2014 at 13:27

    This is despicable news in the most profound way! How can chocolate ever be trusted again? Actually, how can anything be trusted for that matter? Yuck and double yuck- blood worms?? Oh my. I think I’m going to be ill; no I am ill. I shant venture to the CIO in the PL that’s for sure…

    • 147 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:46

      *laughing* Oh, come on! The CIO is the most famous sweet place in the PL. And you must admit…doesn’t it make sense to use the worms?

  11. 148 PorterGirl July 9, 2014 at 13:16

    Well – the chocolate worm debaucle continues! So it seems I was wrong when I thought it was just scurrilous gossip and rumour designed to bring shame and controversy to the CIO. This is all very concerning, now, and answers must be provided! Why bloodworms? Why other insects? Why any of this at all?! Oh dear, I’m going to stick to Cashew World in future.

    • 149 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:44

      There you go, can’t go wrong there. Cashews are great. But…can’t you see–maybe–why Butterfield would use the worms? I mean…they do make it more creamy!

      • 150 PorterGirl July 9, 2014 at 15:12

        Yes, I am just a litle squeamish about quite how they make it more creamy. You know, I would be prepared to try one, at least. It might be the greatest thing I have ever tasted! Maybe not as great as cashews.

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:47

        Yes…it’s the creamiest chocolate ever, Lucy. But…it does dampen things to know how it’s made. Butterfield would yell at us for not eating it.

      • 152 PorterGirl July 10, 2014 at 05:22

        I wouldn’t want to be yelled at. I think I could maybe eat it and forget about the worms, if it truly is the creamiest chocolate ever.

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 12:04

        Yes, I think it’s mind over matter or something like that, you know.

      • 154 PorterGirl July 10, 2014 at 12:20

        Hmm. I will trust you on that, Professor

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 17:50

        I’ll have to trust myself, too.

  12. 156 Julie Harris July 9, 2014 at 13:05

    Integrity is of the utmost importance! I am a little horrified at this story… I may never look at chocolate the same…

    • 157 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:44

      It is! And it’s a virtue that gets overlooked all the time. I think it’s rather hard to practice at times, too. But doesn’t it make sense? I mean, if it makes the chocolate more creamy…isn’t that a good thing?

    • 158 Symphonist Sepperl July 10, 2014 at 12:20

      Chocolate, coffee, OR cheese. :shudders:

  13. 159 FictionFan July 9, 2014 at 13:03

    *faints* I don’t know whether the chocolate story or the cheese story has horrified me most! In fact, I wish someone would kill Google so I couldn’t go and look these horrible things up! *faints again* Well, all I can say is that if I ever visit the Punchy Lands, I’ll remember to bring my own supplies… *orders two new suitcases*

    PS Why would someone eat that cheese? Urrrrghhh!!! *faints*

    PPS Controversy? Debacle?

    • 160 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:43

      You mean there’s a story behind the cheese? It’s real? *laughing lots* Pav never ceases to surprise me. I do wonder how he knows all this. Is it really disgusting? No, when you come, I’ll take you to the safe places, if you’d like.

      Okay, I’ll have to google it.

      Over what?

      • 161 FictionFan July 9, 2014 at 17:20

        Apparently! And I’ll never forgive Lucini Macaroni for forcing me to find out about it! Never!! I shall arrange for him to be spaghettified by a passing black hole! What safe places?? i don’t believe there are any in the whole PL? You could market holidays there as the ultimate slimming plan…

        Don’t! No…do!! Why should I suffer alone?

        The word you couldn’t think of…

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:59

        That’s so mean. But…well, he…maybe deserves it. I didn’t know it existed either. Till he sent his story in today, actually. *laughing* It was a nice morning surprise. Of course there are! I just never go there. What’s your favorite restaurant? I bet it’s there!

        It has to do with flies, doesn’t it?

        Oh, yes. *laughs* The last one, right?

      • 163 FictionFan July 10, 2014 at 01:13

        He does deserve it! And don’t you try to act all innocent, P-N!! Hmm…hard to say, really. Italian, probably. Or Indian. Or possibly Chinese…

        I had to read it with my hands over my eyes it was so gross, but I think it was full of live insect larvae – that can JUMP!!! Yeurrrrrrghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! People are so weird!!!

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 11:51

        P-N…ooo…is that a fancy code word? I was innocent! I only ask for stories. I don’t dictate what they should be. The professor merely told Pav to write about the time he worked for B. I know you don’t believe me. Indian…can’t say I’ve ever had that! Surprised about the Chinese. Everyone likes Italian! *smiles proudly*

        Which is amazing! Jumping insects. Still it would be neatio to see. Can’t say I’d try a piece. Lovely scream word, btw.

      • 165 FictionFan July 10, 2014 at 15:42

        Well…it’s short for Pretty-Nose, but I was trying to be subtle in case Manly-Man saw your new nickname… *cackles witchily* I don’t!

        I know – it’s so odd that Indian food isn’t really big in America – it’s hugely popualr over here. (The Empire again.) Why surprised? And..hmm…why proud? Intriguing…

        Amazing?? No, it would not be neatio!! I bet it’s only men who make it…and eat it. Blearrrrghhhhh!

      • 166 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 18:02

        *shock sound, sorta like Salami does* I should…should put a frog in your hair!

        That is interesting. The Empire… *laughs* Be nice! Well, I didn’t think you’d like Chinese. At least…well, I don’t know! It is intriguing!

        *laughs* I like that one even better! Oh…you’re just complaining!

      • 167 FictionFan July 10, 2014 at 23:18

        *laughing* Well, tell you what (as my beloved Schwarzy would say). I’ll only call you it when you’re mean to me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Chickit!

        It is intriguing! Another little possible piece of the Professorial jigsaw…

        You eat it then! And I’ll watch! But be careful none of those pesky maggots jump onto your pretty nose…

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 12:54

        Schwarz does have some good lines. I won’t call you a ‘cur’ though.

        The puzzle has a million pieces. Sometimes it has ten, too.

        Well! At least, I’ll know when you’re being cranky. Okay, then. You needn’t eat it. I promise. We’ll let Schwarz have it.

      • 169 FictionFan July 11, 2014 at 17:59

        You better not! Or I’ll get Schwarzy to challenge you to a duel!

        But how many are missing…?

        Why? Have you found it hard to tell in the past? No, no, no! My Schwarzy wouldn’t be silly enough to eat it! *suddenly starts worrying because on reflection suspects he might be…*

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:30

        I think he’d beat me too, you know.

        Not many, huh? I think I’m failing, aren’t I? *hangs head*

        Well, no, I haven’t. I know when FEF is cranky a bit! *laughs* You’re awfully…great…when you’re angry. Silly isn’t the right word…

      • 171 FictionFan July 12, 2014 at 19:58

        Hmm..I’m not sure. Don’t you think he might get distracted halfway through?

        Loads!! The Professor is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma…

        You should do, vicked vun, since you usually cause it!! *laughing* Am I? That’s…nice. Scared to ask, but…what is?

      • 172 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:54

        It’s a possibility. But I wouldn’t kill him.

        *relieved sound* Well, that’s good to hear. *smiles bigly*

        I do? Now you’re making me feel bad… *kicks the dirt* Well, Schwarz isn’t too silly. It’s maybe too stupid?

      • 173 Symphonist Sepperl July 10, 2014 at 12:16

        Well… Casu marzu IS Italian so… ahem… apparently… well, what I mean to say is… that is, Italian is your favorite?? Maybe Casu marzu isn’t half bad. Let’s be openminded people!

        I’ll try Casu marzu if one of you two try Hazy’s coffee..

      • 174 FictionFan July 10, 2014 at 15:33

        Deal! For some reason that I really can’t explain, the idea of the coffee doesn’t repulse me nearly as much as the cheese! And I refuse to blame the whole of Italy for the actions of a few cruelly-crazed cheese-makers! After all, I come from the land of haggis…

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 17:48

        I don’t drink coffee, Symph, so I’m out. That stuff from Starbucks today, doesn’t count, btw.

    • 176 Symphonist Sepperl July 10, 2014 at 16:19

      That’s funny because for me it is exactly the other way ’round.

      Sure it would be physically easier to drink the coffee than eat maggoty cheese…. but the impact the former would have on my psyche would be long lasting and terrible.

      • 177 FictionFan July 10, 2014 at 22:30

        No, my psyche would suffer much more from the wriggly-squiggliness of the maggots – not to mention the fact that they jump!! But then, fish quite like eating maggots, I suppose…

      • 178 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 12:45

        *laughing* Get him, FEF!

  14. 179 Hazy July 9, 2014 at 12:56

    Kinda like kopi luwak huh? I’m not sure how I feel about that either, even though I’m fond of coffee. *laughs*

    Yuckers. I think bloodworms are ickier than earthworms. But I want neither in my chocolate, thank you very much. No to the casu marzu too.

    • 180 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:41

      Oh! What’s that? Never head of it!

      *laughing* I think I agree with you…but don’t the bloodworms make a bit of sense?

      • 181 Hazy July 11, 2014 at 12:55

        I’m not so sure you’d like to hear what it is *laughs lots* Coffee berries -> eaten by civet -> coffee bean passes through civet’s digestive system -> poop containing coffee bean -> coffee bean collected & processed = kopi luwak

        It kinda does! But still, I’d rather my chocolates are free of worm involvement, haha.

      • 182 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 13:11

        Yucketh to the top most extreme! Oh dear. That’s horrid. I don’t think I drink that. Though…I might have a sip just to say I have!

        Me too. We’ll revolt then.

      • 183 Hazy July 17, 2014 at 14:12

        I may take a sip… but only if I didn’t know what it actually was! *laughs*

        Yes, we shall. Who shall we take with us on our revolt?

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2014 at 15:09

        Me too. Right on!

        Well…definitely Weatherly…and MM?

      • 185 Hazy July 18, 2014 at 12:00

        Probably good, since he’s manly and all. What about Mark Malone?

      • 186 Professor VJ Duke July 18, 2014 at 13:07

        Yes, he would be a great person to add. But you know, MM and Mark…just don’t hit it off!

    • 187 Symphonist Sepperl July 10, 2014 at 12:19

      Yeah, I have heard of this… have you tried it? To me the concept is……. unappetizing. (Actually I don’t think I could manage to even smell it let a lone sip it and it would probably ruin the concept of coffee for me forever)

      • 188 Hazy July 11, 2014 at 13:02

        Nope, I don’t think I have the guts to actually try it (well, unless perhaps if I was fooled to drink it without knowing it’s kopi luwak!). It’s highly likely I would throw up just smelling it, haha. Like you, I think it sounds unappetizing. Makes me shudder a bit just thinking about it!

  15. 189 InfiniteZip July 9, 2014 at 12:30

    but wouldn’t that be like an extra special chocolate with protein. maybe the vegans wouldn’t approve, although ice cream has milk, which comes from cows, which come from mommy cows…..where do mommy cows come from? and do they eat chocolate worms when they graze in the grass…..perplexing.

    • 190 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 13:40

      Interesting point! So, the cows eat worms anyway, and chocolate is made with milk? So, you wouldn’t mind Butterfield’s Chocolate then?

      • 191 InfiniteZip July 9, 2014 at 14:32

        no, after all I eat swedish fish, although I have never been to sweden. but they eat carnuba bugs? that turn them red dontcha know?

      • 192 Professor VJ Duke July 9, 2014 at 22:45

        I don’t know! What’s a carnuba bug?

      • 193 InfiniteZip July 10, 2014 at 10:38

        i don’t know but they use it to color food red….

      • 194 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 12:05

        Well…that sounds…horrid, doesn’t it?

      • 195 InfiniteZip July 10, 2014 at 12:19

        yes, but I like red and so do you so if you pretend they are not in there, then that is ok.

      • 196 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2014 at 17:49

        Okay. Well, that’s what we must do, Zip. Can I call you Zip?

      • 197 InfiniteZip July 11, 2014 at 12:23

        but of course:) I love Zip, some call me Zippy too:) just don’t call me late for dinner…i like dinner…

      • 198 Professor VJ Duke July 11, 2014 at 13:08

        *laughs* Well, Zippy it is! Since that’s more professorish.

      • 199 InfiniteZip July 11, 2014 at 13:41

        It is, isn’t it:) maybe I’m a professor in training perhaps:)

      • 200 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2014 at 01:29

        I think you could be! Isn’t that great?

      • 201 InfiniteZip July 12, 2014 at 11:26

        yes, of course:)

      • 202 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2014 at 12:39

        It’s wild, Zippy!


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