11th Edition
14 2014
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Segment A
Punchy Proverbs
1. If you have no questions, it’s time for answers. If you have no answers, it’s time for questions. ~ V. Shnodgrate
2. The moon rises, yet it really doesn’t. ~ Merlin
3. Dastardly Designs make life interesting. ~ Dr. Zauberer
Favorites, PF?
~~~
Segment B
Severe Weather Report
There was a severe ‘growing’ storm around King Arthur’s castle. “We just can’t keep the weeds away,” he remarked.
Weather tip: Snow is great; it’s like dried rain.
~~~
Segment C
Featured Story: The CIO’s Chocolate—Mortimer Butterfield Replies
by J. Freedwoppen
Mortimer Butterfield wrote the following letter after that whole chocolate incident:
Dear Customers:
I’m rather proud (but not cocky) to tell you that Lucini Pavarinni is a liar! A big liar. In fact, dear customers, I can’t think of a liar more profuse or especially well-practiced at his craft. In truth, he is more cunning than the snake!
There is absolutely no worms in our [CIO] chocolate. It’s worm free. Neither do we use ‘bloodworms’ to make our chocolate creamier. That would be disgusting. And worst of all, that would be betraying our dear, loved customers.
So buy chocolate! And do not worry.
Truly yours and nobody else’s,
Mr. Mortimer B. Butterfield.
~~~
Segment D
MicP Studios—Behind the Scenes
by Mic Pencilpoint
Hi everyone,
I’ve never written on the Punchy Lands Blog. And I’m not around much at all.
BUT…I do exist!
Professor VJ Duke (I still hate the name) sorta renamed my studio, and gave me an odd name. That’s it.
I’ve never been one to say much, so, good night!
~~~
Segment E
A Conversation
DADDY SALAMI: I feel like a cougar ready ta spring from a tree and engulf a buffalo!
RUBER SALAMI: Keep it to yourself, idiot.
DADDY SALAMI: Don’t talk ta your daddy that way!
RUBER SALAMI: It’s much better than calling you a cougar!
DADDY SALAMI: Quiet, salami brain.
RUBER SALAMI: Oh, that’s funny!
DADDY SALAMI: Leave me be!
~~~
Questions for Nicholas Warren? Comment here!
Need more information on any PL topic? Comment below to J. Freedwoppen!
Copyright 2014
Shnod makes a reasonable point again! I think he’s on a roll… Merlin is stating a fact, isn’t he?
But… snow is wet too, isn’t it? I’ve only touched fake snow. And if it’s dried rain… wouldn’t it have, um, evaporated?
Somehow, I think I believe LP more than I believe Butterfield.
Well, hello Mr. Pencilpoint, or Mic! Can i call you Mic? Either way, it’s very nice to hear from you, sir. Splendid studio you have, I hear.
Merlin is! He must have read it in a book or something. Yes. Shnod…he’s the man!
*laughing lots* Yes, you’re quite right. There are all sorts of problems with the weather people in the PL! They’re lunatics!
Really? How come?
You can definitely call him Mic. I do all the time. The only blackmark on the studio is the professor.
Haha, yeah, Merlin must have. *in a sing song voice* Shnod, Shnod, he’s the man! If he can’t do it no one can! *laughs lots*
Or maybe the snow goes dry in the PL… like snow rocks? If you get hit by a dried snowball, good luck! I imagine it would hurt like a billiard ball. Haha!
Hmm… I dunno. Butterfield must be good at spinning the tales for public relations because he’s a businessman. On second thought… Isn’t LP a lawyer of sorts? He may be very good at lying too!
Alrighty! Please say hi to Mic for me, then. Ah, blackmark… is that like a black sheep of the studio? I don’t think it’s the professor; maybe the couch sleepers, like Alb or Nick?
*laughing* We should sing about him all the time!
It would hurt! Maybe like being on the salt flats?
LP is! Fancy you remembering. He’s not trustworthy. MM doesn’t like him at all.
Yes, Alb and Nick are both trying to bring the studio down. It’s an ardent desire of theirs.
*laughs* if we did, do you think Shnod would let it go to his head?
Oh, that sounds new to me! What are salt flats?
Does Mic ever get mad at those two?
Nah, probably not. He’s a beast that way.
Well, a broad expanse of land covered in salt and other minerals. I believe they’re in the western US.
All the time!
That sounds interesting!
Poor Mic getting mad. Good thing Mic hasn’t tried to fire them! (or has he?)
Nah, he wouldn’t do that–yet!
#1 sounds like something the Princess lives by!
*laughs* The Princess is a character! She must learn somehow, I suppose.
Well…I’m of the opinion that she doesn’t need to know everything before she starts kindergarten!
But I wanted to. I still want to, actually.
Um…are you still waiting to go to kindergarten?
And yes, she does want to know everything. Including stuff that’s none of her business.
That sounds like me! Of course not…I’m far too old! You know, older than the mountains.
Well you learn a lot of useful stuff in kindergarten no matter how old you are. I bet I’m going to learn some things this year even though I won’t be in the actual class. If I were homeschooling I know I would learn lots more.
The professor is constantly learning things, you know. It just happens–when you least expect it!
That is completely true!
*nods*
NO SNOW. I’m serious. NO SNOW. And #1 haunts me. I have tons of questions and no answers and tons of answers with no questions that match. Seems futile! ;)
*laughing* Just like the professor! Overall, it’s rather a fun position to be in, don’t you think? No snow? And why not, madam?!
last winter cured me of snow….
But what of the snowballs?
oh I must agree with Merlin this time around, and I prefer rain wet over dry. Is there an in between wet and dry? I seem to be in the middle today. Yes, number 2. Merlin is rocking it!
Oh boy oh boy! Merlin? Well, he seems wise, doesn’t he?
You like the rain better than the sun?
I like the sun best, rain second and snow third. what is your favorite?
I love the sun! Then…the snow! Isn’t sledding fun?
Oh yes, and skiing;) my hounds romp merrily in it;)
*laughs* This I can picture. Do they eat the snow?
not the yellow snow:)
*laughing* Of course! That’s just…dadblamery!
#1 wins! I just wish I was better at asking questions.
I’ve been enjoying the view of snow capped mountains. Snow is the dreamiest…
I particularly enjoy Butterfield’s closing remarks. He sounds like a romantic. I could use one of those.
Mic P is a fine name…I believe you exsist.
A cougar is what I want to be… rats.
Aren’t you rather good? Though, you never do ask a straightforward question, you know.
It’s fun to be amongst. Have you taken pics of the mountains?
What would you do with him, Audith?
Well, he was picking on my name, actually. He hates it.
What is a cougar?
I always ask straight forward questions. Just not to you, Duketh.
Yes! Loads!
Not sure speak of romance, I suppose.
Oh! Tell him I happen to love it and he should be nice…gentlemanly about it, actually.
A cat, I think. *winks*
I knew it! I’ve told you that, too.
Butterfield…he’s a vicious one, Audith. I warn you!
I will. Symph hates it too. But I was born with it, right?
*growls* How rude!
You make me nervous and unsure that you will answer me, so I tread lightly.
You’re vicious, too. Did you teach him?
I don’t think that’s your real name, Duke.
*giggle* You know! !
I see. I’m mean, huh?
Well…the professor is really…sweet in comparison. Mortimer is just rotten.
Really? Why not?
Spit-tooey!
Mean? I don’t think you’re mean. Did I say that, Duketh?
I’ll pass on meeting Mortimer, thanks.
Well, I guess, because I just figured it wasn’t your name. I do like your name. Very much, however. Not sure what I’d do if I couldn’t call you Duke.
No…but…just making sure!
Well, he’s fine at a distance. A businessman, you see.
You can always call me that, promise!
Yes, not mean, but intimidating for sure.
Just keep him at a distance, please and thank you.
Thank you, Duketh. *sparkles brightly*
Intimidating…really?
I will, promise.
I wish I could sparkle.
Yes! Probably…
You do sparkle thanks to your friends.
I hope I am…but…
Isn’t that great?
You are and it is fierce, Duke, fiercely mysterious.
Of course!
Well, I’m suddenly proud now!
*smiles bigly*
You should be proud, Duke
*bows*
I think you will know my favorite proverb this week. Yes, of course it is #2. It is from Merlin, after all. And also true.
Love the severe weather alert . Better take cover ASAP! ;-)
So … the chocolate issue is resolved. I might still be leary of trying any though — just in case.
Love Mic’s little piece. He and Nick are people after my own heart. Oh, and of course the Professor is, too!
As for the conversation. Ha, ha, “Salami brain”. That was lost on DS, though I’m pretty sure Ruber got it.
Yes, I knew you’d love it! And it is sensical. Unlike my proverbs, you know.
*laughs* For sure! Glad you don’t have to worry about Punchy weather, huh?
Even if Butterfield took you on a tour, and you saw that what he said is true?
*laughs* No, I know you like them better, dadblameit! But, seriously, he could have written more, couldn’t he have?
I think Ruber did. DS can kick himself in the pants sometimes.
Actually I don’t like them better, Professor! I enjoy the little snippets though! Mic certainly could have wrritten more, I agree!
Hmmm, perhaps if I went on tour, and I could see each and every ingredient being added …. ;-) because I do love chocolate!
Now, now Professor. Your proverbs are most intriguing! :)
*laughs* I’m just giving you a dadblame time. He should have written more! I think I might get Symph to write something some time.
Yes, then it’d be safe. Unless, of course, the tour was rigged. That wouldn’t be nice or good.
Many thanks! They’re very professorish, you know.
Yes! That’s my worry! That such a tour would be rigged! :)
He’s not that dastardly, I hope…
Great proverbs… I am fond of #2…deep thoughts… I am glad the whole chocolate fiasco has been cleared up!
Yes, now you can eat chocolate in peace. (Of course you’re welcome to ship me cherry chocolate if you don’t like it.)
RUBER WINS!!!!!!!!!!! X-P
About the chocolate crisis: I think that there’s more going on than either side is saying.
And I loved all three proverbs. They’re especially good this week. Well done! :-)
I’d say you’re right. He did win. And DS was cranky about it, you know.
Well…I trust Mortimer over Lucini, though.
*bows* I’ll take the credit!
I have no doubt. Still, I think Ruber deserved his win, and DS deserved his fail. X-D
So do I, but only a bit. (Only as far as I can throw him. I don’t trust Lucini even as far as that. :-P)
:-P
Ruber did. Sometimes he gets the upper hand with DS. It’s the best thing for him to do, too.
Yes…all those big words…we should pie him, Erin.
Indeed.
Let’s pie him all the same. ^_^
About 20!
YES!!! >:-D
Awesome! *throws some*
*throws some more* >:-D
*throws even more*
*starts a pie storm* >;-D
Now that is super cool.
X-D IKR?! *whirls pie storm at Palpatine*
I think I hear him screaming!
*shrugs* I don’t care. It’s fun to pie Palpatine! X-D
Palpacreep, you mean.
Indeed! X-D
*laughs*
I’m most fond of #2 today. If we didn’t know the earth rotates, we might think the moon is rising, though, huh??
Those of us with long-haired dogs generally prefer snow to rain. Rain nearly always leaves behind mud and puddles, making for way too much cleanup.
Eavesdropping on the Salamis’ conversation kind of makes me yawn. Don’t these two get along at all?!
We would! It’s interesting to think about that. Don’t you suppose that this could be the answer to stop werewolves?
I agree 100%! Snow is just awesome. Plus, it’s nice to watch it fall and fall and fall and fall and fall…till there’s about 20 feet.
They don’t, it seems. Do they both need slapped?
No. 3!! In fact I may adopt that as my personal motto! (Shnoddy’s been out in the sun without a hat again, hasn’t he?)
I wish it would snow.
MB is so obviously lying! Let’s see him eat some of his own chocolate…
Of course Mic exists! He’s lovely – so cute and adorable! And possibly fluffy! Now…who does that remind me of? (*laughing* Your tags are most revealing about the sadly confused state of your identity – and Mic’s…)
Ruber really needs to get his own apartment…
You’re not allowed to! I won’t allow it. (He might have been. But there’s no sun in Scotland. I was at a picnic all day yesterday. Sunglasses and hat were on! That’s why I’m so sane today.)
In a few months, I’ll be wishing with you.
He hates sweets, actually. But he’ll take you on a tour! You’ll trust him then, I bet.
Don’t be fooled by the tags! I’m just playing along with you, dadblameit!
I don’t think he always lives with DS. They are in walking distance, though.
But…but…I thought the Professor would want me to be dastardly! (Sane? Hmm! Interesting… I do hope the shoving-professors-in-water girl wasn’t at the picnic.)
I’m fed up with summer now – couldn’t you make time go faster?
Huh! A likely story! I bet he eats tons of chocolate – made by somebody else.
Ah, you and Mic are such tricksters! I don’t know which one of you to trust…
Well, he should consider emigrating.
Well…no. You have to be a lady! (Was I shoved in water? Oh…did I tell you that? Hmm indeed!)
I love summer! But…but…the winter is so cold, FEF.
He does not! He’s really skinny and short, you see.
I think you like Ruber and you seem to care about him.
Do you think I could be? I’m not sure I could do it… (You did – I think. Or was it Mic? Hmm indeed!)
I know – lovely! *gets out an ice lolly*
He probably was fat and tall once but having to walk two hundred miles each way to a decent chocolate shop has shortened and…er…skinnified him.
Do you? Do I? Intriguing…
I think you are, FEF. You know…it just come natural. (No, must have been me. I wouldn’t talk about Mic!)
I bet Tommy doesn’t like the cold.
*laughing* Skinnified…that’s a lovely word right there. How unforgiving you are, you know.
It is. Tell me more about it, please.
* smiles like a lady* (That’s odd ‘cos he talks about you all the time…ALL the time!!)
He finds extra cuddles keep him warm…
Haha! I’m never going to forgive anyone who messes with chocolate!!
I can’t. It must be unconcious, or subconscious…or subliminal…or maybe subhuman. Or something.
(What’s he say?)
Resourceful beast.
I’ll never do it, then!
Or sub-professor.
(I don’t know – I usually nod off after a while…)
That’s my TomTom!
*laughing* Good!
Hmm…a Professor of Submarine-ology? Coolio!
(How rude! Poor Mic. Though he’s quite blunt…yep, don’t believe you talk to him.)
What a great name.
It might be. Might be scary too.
What if I have no questions or answers?
Please define “dastardly design.”
I would say that snow is cold rain.
Mr. Mortimer B. Butterfield appears to be protesting overmuch.
I’m glad that MicP clarified things.
Salami and offspring have such meaningful conversations. They remind me of my brothers when they were wee chaps. Such dadblamery.
Then you’ll be like the professor. What’s that mean for us?
Something I’d do? No, something Dr. Z would do. Like…taking over the PL. Killing people. Throwing a wife and daughter into the bathtub. That sort of thing.
Spit-Tooey! Rain is colder.
Do you believe him, though?
Yes, he needs a beating. What a horrid little writing.
Dadblamery’s a good thing, don’t you know.
It means the world better look out!
I think you are mistaken.
Did you throw your wife in the tub?
I believe nothing they say.
But I do agree that dadblamery is a good thing.
Mistaken? How so? Dadblameit.
The professor isn’t hitched. You should be proud!
I believe them. Maybe that’s my downfall.
Well, you could conduct a professorish experiment…maybe with Scientist…and see if it is your downfall.
Oh that’s so cryptic! Not fair, you know!
My mother used to say that all was fair in love or war. I’m not sure what she meant, but there it is.
I think love and war are the exact same thing! I bet Bethy thinks so too.
Sometimes it is, dadblameit.
All the time!
I’ll give that one to you.
It’s all very hard.
Poor professor. He’s ill used all of the time.
Yes!
Greyhounds make good pets.
You know, I’ve never even seen one!
My brother had a retired one for awhile. Such a gentle but large dog.
They’re always so scary looking…
The full sized ones are large, but they are gentle. No fear. Unless you happen to be a rabbit.
Rabbits can be vicious!
They can.
Like me.
Just so.
Only they don’t have katanas.
Oh now you don’t want to fit them out with swords. No, you really don’t.
Oh, seriously! They’re not that wicked…
You’ve never seen the scars on my forearms.
Scars…from fighting?
From playing with George.
Maybe George has no claws?
Let me show you piece of evidence 1. My arm. If I need to take a picture and scan it in, I can do that. :)
*laughs* Aha! So he’s vicious, then!
You are not talking about my golden kitty, are you? Him doesn’t have a vicious bone in him body. Him a gentle baby. Unless him mommy doesn’t fetch him food pronto. But that may be his y chromosome.
Hmm! Everyone knows one’s better off with a y chromosome…
;)
I love proverb #1! It is so ingenous to think it. Now #2 is a falicy well accepted that sounds good. And #3 is true if your’e dastardly; otherwise, a victim to the severist degree. Hmm.. skeptical you know, but if he says so I guess I’ll bite – the chocolate that is. :-) I’m disappointed with how disrespectful Ruber is to his daddy and that he got away with it. Is Daddy not feeling well???
Salami deserves whatever he gets.
Oh no, he’s fine. The whole conversation just came around and bit him a bit in the behind, you know.
Well now, SS, I particularly like proverb #3. Isn’t it…well, isn’t it professorish?
Oh no. The Professor is not dastardly! He is sweet and pretends to be otherwise I’m sure.
I really believe children should respect their parents no matter what. After all Ruber has had the benefit of learning from the best.
The professor is not sweet, dadblameit!
Oh dear! You think DS is the best?
Ah, this always cheers up my Monday and I am particularly grumpy today, so thank you. I am loving proverb number one today, it must be said. I also agree whole-heartedly with number 3.
I can’t believe that Mic really exists! This is a revelation.
Now I don’t know who to believe about the chocolate. I say, if it tastes good, who cares what’s in it? Chocolate is great.
And… what Walt said about the cougar thing. I now have a vision of DS in my mind that really shouldn’t be there.
You’re welcome! (Really professorish pleasure.) I’m grumpy, too, I think. Yes, #3 is so dadblame true.
Really? You don’t believe in the team, then? *growling face*
It is! Mortimer is offering tours of his factory so Punchy Landers can see it being made. I think that’s really fair.
*laughs* Oh dear! I suppose…you can’t tell me. Maybe I’ll just imagine too.
Ooh the growling face is pretty scary! Of course I believe, Professor, as well you know. But Mic! In real life!
Very fair of Mortimer, what a splendid fellow. A bit like a Punchy Willy Wonka.
Would you want me to tell you?! I am trying to dislodge the thought from my mind by eating cake. It’s working :)
It is! I know…Mic’s a shocking one, you know.
Funny you should say that, actually, Lucy. *laughs*
Well…if you want to, or don’t mind, yes! Cake…sounds good! Cherry?
Of course cherry! There is a cherry tree near my house. I gather them under the cover of darkness
Wowawee! That’s super. Steal them all! Then take the tree.
I never thought of taking the tree. Good plan, Professor!
*laughing* We may need to hire MM.
He is the man for the job!
He is!
I think Mr. Mortimer B. Butterfield should take advantage of the worm lie. He can now post on advertising material and the package that the chocolate is 100% worm free.
*laughs* Do you think it would help him overall?
I don’t think I believe anything Butterfield says. Also I thought “cougar” referred to a certain type of lady.
Interesting you should distrust Butterfield, Mr. Walt. But why?
A lady? *laughs* What sort of lady?
I especially loved number 1. We talked about wonder yesterday at church and I can’t help think about the need for questions. :-)
I totally distrust Butterfield like Walt Walker. And I chortled at the cougar remark. I’m thinking of Courteney Cox now and her TV show.
Yes, me too! I have so many questions. I’ve never outgrown it. Always can learn so much, I think.
Rats! But, he’d win you over by bringing you in his factory and watching the chocolate get made. That would work, right?
CC…never heard of her!
It’s just a gut feeling, and mine are usually right. But am I wrong this time?
The sort you so eloquently describe, of course.
No, I bet you’re right. You always are. I’m the wrong one.
Ooo…you mean like Amelia?
Well, good to be right about something, then. I’m really quite often wrong, actually.
Is Amelia a cougar, in fact? Sounds like she would be quite a good one.
Well, you’re more frequently righter than this professor. So that has to count for something, I think.
I suppose so. But you should tell me. I’m unsure.
I was thinking the same thing! (About the cougar)
Really? No you were not! I must be dull.
Oh, Professor…
Oh professor dadblameit!
Tee hee!
*laughs* Love that.