Scientist & Schwarz Tauptinker

There is always a glow about Scientist’s house. It’s a small space, only a few rooms or so. (The glow is usually green, by the way and along the road.)

It’s said that Scientist once worked as a doctor. In fact, Daddy Salami used to take Ruber, his son, to Scientist for treatments and such.

Scientist loved—and maybe still loves—using poison ivy juice. “It cures everything,” he once said.

One day, there was a soft knock, followed by a hard knock, followed by a regular knock, on Scientist’s door.

“Oh, goody goody,” Scientist said happily as he moved towards the door. “Maybe I can test this new potion I’m concocting!”

He opened the door with a fell swoop. Or something like that, I suppose.

Schwarz Tauptinker was standing there. “Chickit,” Schwarz said. “You really swung that door open, tell you what!”

“Won’t you come in?”

“Nah.” Schwarz shook his head. “I’ve just come to borrow milk.”

“This is not good, good,” Scientist returned. “Did you bring money?”

“Nah,” Schwarz said, shaking his head again. “‘Cause don’t I know you’ll give it to me for free?”

And this is what Scientist was thinking. In truth, he does think this wickedly, I fear:

This fellow will never drink the potion I’ve just concocted. But…if I put the potion in the milk…he won’t know that he’s drinking it. And once he drinks it, I’ll see if this lizard potion is successful.

Schwarz interrupted the rest of his thoughts. “It’s weird you just stand there, thinking and staring ahead.”

“I’ll get your milk.”

And Scientist disappeared.

He returned moments later.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

And Schwarz left. Scientist followed—at a distance.

Schwarz walked for some time, before stopping at a park bench.

Daddy Salami was sitting on the park bench.

“Ya brought me milk, I see,” Salami said, chuckling.

“Yep.”

And Schwarz handed Daddy Salami the milk.

Advertisements

130 Responses to “Scientist & Schwarz Tauptinker”


  1. 1 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 24, 2014 at 02:14

    Scientist is meaner than mean. Unless, of course, he has a brilliant plan to cure a horrible disease. Spill it, Duke. *smiles*

    I feel bad for Ruber, because this will be his fault. DS will holler at Ruber and kill Scientist, I bet. Even if Schwarz is to blame for all of it. (I’m blaming him.)

  2. 2 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 24, 2014 at 02:13

    Scientist is meaner than mean. Unless, of course, he has a brilliant plan to cure a horrible disease. Spill it, Duke. *smiles*

    I feel bad for Ruber, because this will be his fault. DS will holler at Ruber and kill Scientist, I bet.

    • 3 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 13:54

      Oh, I think Scientist just likes concocting and using live patients and such. He’s harmless. Solely the pursuit of science, Audith!

      DS will probably leave Scientist go. (He trusts him) Ruber will fetch it. We should go and stop him, huh?

      • 4 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 24, 2014 at 22:15

        Oh, science, yes of course. I bet you work with him.

        Yes, we should stop him. Where do we look?

      • 5 Professor VJ Duke July 25, 2014 at 13:42

        No, I’m a rotten scientist. Rubbish at science.

        We should! DS’s hut! *cue dreadful music*

      • 6 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 25, 2014 at 15:52

        Me, too.

        *runs home* Never!

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke July 26, 2014 at 14:32

        Oh, it won’t be that bad!

      • 8 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 26, 2014 at 21:02

        Uncross your fingers, Duketh.

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke July 27, 2014 at 15:44

        I can’t!

      • 10 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 28, 2014 at 03:47

        You’re not even trying, ya goof.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke July 28, 2014 at 17:06

        A goofy professor!

      • 12 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 29, 2014 at 04:32

        Yes, you can be!

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2014 at 13:11

        All the time!

      • 14 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 29, 2014 at 17:15

        *smiles* *kicks the dirt*

  3. 15 The Dancing Rider July 23, 2014 at 20:04

    Uh-oh!

    Scientist is so wicked, isn’t he? But whatever he was holding out for Schwarz backfired. And we know why Ruber is …. Ruber.

    Schwarz was on an errand……and now the unspeakable: DS will drink the lizard potion! (It probably won’t affect him at all.)

    I need more! Hope there’s a follow-up.

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 13:36

      It did backfire. Well, it’s true: Ruber might have been affected by all that.

      What a thought! I’m sure MM would agree with you. Sometimes DS isn’t affected at all by stuff like that. If he’s in a really evil mood, that is. But he will be angry, you know.

      Okay, then! I’ll do one next week.

  4. 17 weggieboy July 23, 2014 at 11:42

    eagerly awaiting the next episode…!

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:30

      For sure! It might be bloody. DS will be cranky.

  5. 19 desertdweller29 July 22, 2014 at 21:04

    Even Schwarz doesn’t underestimate himself! Can the Scientist not afford lab rats? Rats wouldn’t mind being turned into lizards. At least they have a shot at becoming Godzilla if it all goes terribly wrong.

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:17

      Godzilla! That would be fun, for sure. Wouldn’t you like to be Godzilla? I should make the suggestion to him to buy rats or something like that.

  6. 21 erinkenobi2893 July 22, 2014 at 18:58

    SCHWARZ WINS!!! X-D X-D X-D Will D.S. be a lizard next time we see him? Check back in next week… *says in ominous voice* X-P
    And the green background is back! :-D

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 20:01

      I say you’re right! But do you suppose Schwarz knew about the potion? I think DS will be a lizard for a while, and that he’ll be real mad at the end. He’ll take revenge on Ruber.

      Yes! Do you like it better?

      • 23 erinkenobi2893 July 22, 2014 at 23:56

        I don’t think Schwarz knows. He’s not the kind to wittingly unleash “harm” or even discomfort on anybody.
        If he takes it out on Ruber, I’ll brain him with potatoes!
        Actually, I do. It’s a bit easier on the eyes. ;-)

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:25

        I think you’re right about Schwarz. Let’s do it to DS anyway–though be ready for an attack!

        It is. More peaceful too.

      • 25 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 13:10

        YES!!! >:-D And I will be! :-D
        Indeed. Sort of reminds me of Rivendell. ^_^

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 14:03

        Yeah! I would have stayed in Rivendell forever. Obi-Wan likes Rivendell.

      • 27 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 14:06

        Yeah… I wish I was in Rivendell right now.
        Well, obviously… :-P That’s his official place of residence in Middle-earth. :-P

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 14:08

        Wouldn’t it be fun to go to Mordor, though? I bet that’s where Dooku is.

      • 29 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 14:11

        It might be fun to go to Mordor, but I doubt Dooku is there. Dooku has taste. :-P And class.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 18:00

        Isengard maybe?

      • 31 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 23:34

        Mmmm… that’s more likely. ;-P

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke July 25, 2014 at 13:50

        I think so, too. But even then…

      • 33 erinkenobi2893 July 25, 2014 at 14:29

        *shrugs* I don’t know.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke July 26, 2014 at 14:31

        What a vexing matter.

      • 35 erinkenobi2893 July 26, 2014 at 16:23

        It’s a puzzlement!

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke July 27, 2014 at 15:41

        What a cool way to say that!

      • 37 erinkenobi2893 July 27, 2014 at 18:16

        I technically borrowed it from you, Professor. :-P

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke July 28, 2014 at 17:04

        No! Have I said that?

      • 39 erinkenobi2893 July 28, 2014 at 18:59

        Rather. :-P

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2014 at 13:03

        Ha! It is a wonder.

      • 41 erinkenobi2893 July 29, 2014 at 20:06

        That you don’t know your own favorite mannerisms? 0_0

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2014 at 23:29

        Yes. I think Rosalie thinks I’m insane.

      • 43 erinkenobi2893 July 30, 2014 at 17:57

        Ehh, you’re in good company. :-P

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2014 at 13:05

        *bows* Very true, thanks.

      • 45 erinkenobi2893 July 31, 2014 at 14:05

        ;-P

      • 46 erinkenobi2893 July 22, 2014 at 23:57

        And now I realize that when most people say “easy on the eyes” they mean good-looking… I meant it in a more literal sense. This particular background causes less eye-strain.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:25

        The professor is hard on the eyes!

      • 48 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 13:11

        *shrugs* The professor is fun to be around, though! :-D

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 14:04

        *bows* Many thanks! So is Erin!

      • 50 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 14:06

        :-D Thanks! :-)

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 14:08

        *bows*

      • 52 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2014 at 14:11

        :-D

  7. 53 InfiniteZip July 22, 2014 at 15:37

    What is to become of him? I am afraid for the worst I fear I do.

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:50

      *laughs* You’re scared for DS?

  8. 55 Alastair Savage July 22, 2014 at 15:10

    Poison Ivy juice cures everything? Even that … kind of … you know …

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:50

      Well, that’s what Scientist thinks. Even what, Alastair? Go ahead; be brave!

  9. 57 Debbie July 22, 2014 at 14:28

    Oh, dear, poor D.S. — fooled by his friend. And one rapscallion “scientist” looking to experiment on unsuspecting others! I fear this won’t turn out well. At all.

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:49

      No, it probably won’t. Especially when DS comes back for revenge. And you know he will!

  10. 59 PorterGirl July 22, 2014 at 14:23

    Oh wowawee! Haha – I think Schwarz had an inkling about the milk, you know.

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:49

      You know…I originally thought that, then…well, why do you think so?

      • 61 PorterGirl July 23, 2014 at 07:52

        It doesn’t seem possible that he would, but I think Schwarz may have some kind of mystical power we don’t know about. Or maybe he just got very lucky!

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:30

        Schwarz does seem always to have great luck. I have luck. Every other hour, you know.

      • 63 PorterGirl July 23, 2014 at 13:32

        What happens in the hours inbetween? Disasters?

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:40

        Constant disasters! But the professor is a disaster. So it’s sorta fun~

      • 65 PorterGirl July 23, 2014 at 14:19

        I love a good disaster. Do you know Professor, I think with luck like that one day you might take over the world

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 19:34

        Ooo! I’d be a good dictator, though. As long as their was food. And guitars.

      • 67 PorterGirl July 24, 2014 at 07:24

        You would. I’ll bring the food. Actually, I can bring the guitars as well. I should be your henchman!

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 14:01

        *laughing* That sound splendid! Guitars and food…I’ll bring…what will I bring?

      • 69 PorterGirl July 24, 2014 at 14:51

        Your top hat and katana. We will need both. Maybe bring MM too.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 18:05

        Will do. And I’ll bring a teddy bear.

      • 71 PorterGirl July 25, 2014 at 09:53

        Excellet. We’re ready for anything!

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke July 25, 2014 at 13:51

        We should be!

  11. 73 Jackie July 22, 2014 at 14:16

    Oh boy! Oh boy! There’s dadblamery afoot.

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:49

      There sure is, Jackie! But I do think Schwarz was innocent.

      • 75 Jackie July 23, 2014 at 18:58

        I think Schwartz is a little too trusting of Scientist.

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 19:51

        I think you’re right. You should have speaks with him about trusting strangers!

      • 77 Jackie July 23, 2014 at 20:07

        Do you think he would listen?

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 13:37

        No, probably not!

      • 79 Jackie July 24, 2014 at 13:48

        Then what’s the point?

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 14:06

        Well…there’s a possibility!

  12. 81 walt walker July 22, 2014 at 13:45

    I don’t think that milk would taste very good. Also, what causes the glow, I wonder? Or perhaps a better question is, what does the glow cause?

    • 82 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:49

      Well, I think it’s like a constant nightlight–at night. The glow is caused by the potions, I would guess. Which usually come out green. Except for the potion in the skit we did, which was pink. That was rare. Do you suppose he glows?

      • 83 walt walker July 22, 2014 at 13:53

        I would think he could not avoid it. Might be a handy talent to have, glowing. Assuming you could turn it off when you were done.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:47

        Right. You wouldn’t want to be playing hide-and-go-seek and not be able to un-glow.

  13. 85 Simply Skeptical July 22, 2014 at 13:37

    Oh now it’s obvious why Ruber is so, so, Ruber like. What’s to happen to Daddy??

    • 86 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:45

      Daddy I’m sure isn’t doing too well. He probably got on rather bad. But he’ll get revenge…on Ruber. Don’t you think Ruber is rather levelheaded, though?

  14. 87 FictionFan July 22, 2014 at 13:30

    HeheheHEE!!! Schwarzy’s just brilliant even when he doesn’t know he’s being it!! I want to know if the potion worked?!? *laughing lots and lots*

    I feel being subjected to Scientist’s potions at an early age may explain a lot about why Ruber has turned out the way he has…

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:42

      Yes, I fear it did. Of course, then, DS went to Scientist for a-fixing. (He always goes to him for help.) And DS didn’t know Scientist was responsible. Then, Scientist ran a few more tests. Then, it dawned on DS. Then, he tried to attack Scientist. Then, Scientist shrunk him into a little lizard. I think that’s how the story ends. Schwarz, on the other hand, was eating a lollipop on a bench.

      Yes, I think you could be right. Though, Ruber is fairly levelheaded.

      • 89 FictionFan July 22, 2014 at 16:14

        *laughing lots* Poor DS isn’t really having a great day, is he? Though maybe being a little lizard would be fun – all that basking. But I suspect the Scientist will be made to pay for his behaviour one day…

        I bet Schwarzy just looked adorable sitting on that bench! And so cool…was it an orange one?

        *snorts with laughter* Yeah, right!

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 19:59

        Not at all! But that’s what happens when you have Schwarz do things for you. Basking? Oh no. Doesn’t sun dry up lizards like it melts chocolate? DS will have revenge…but probably on Ruber.

        No, blue. I would have had red. Orange…what made you say that, hmm? Zez might have that color.

        I’m glad you agree! *laughs*

      • 91 FictionFan July 22, 2014 at 23:14

        Oh I thought they loved the sun – but I defer to your superior lizard-lore *deferential face* Why Ruber?? that seems most unfair! (Though he probably deserves it for other things anyway, but still…)

        ‘Cos I love orange lollies! That would be like camouflage for Zez.

        *laughs back*

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:21

        I suppose they do… I’m not too learned on lizards. Just snakes and bats. Ruber takes all the beatings. I know you think Ruber is mean to DS, but DS deserves it, surely!

        You do? I didn’t know that! But not orange baseball caps. One day you’ll be listening to Thelonious Monk and wearing an orange baseball cap!!!

        *lovely sound*

      • 93 FictionFan July 23, 2014 at 15:42

        Baseball bats? I suspect DS is just trying to subtly hint that it’s time for Ruber to get his own place…

        Well, no – though I’ve never tried to eat one. Ah yes, senility is bound to set in sooner or later…

        *ignores Mr Rudesby*

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 19:42

        Well, no. I can’t hit a ball with a bat, actually. DS loves Ruber! And they…lead a different lifestyle.

        I knew it! I knew that, you know! *laughs* I’ll bring you a cap.

        *looks around for him*

      • 95 FictionFan July 23, 2014 at 23:38

        Quite right – too cruel, poor little ball! They are rather well suited though…

        Thank you! Most kind! *glares*

        *hands over a mirror*

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 13:49

        I can throw, though! I’d be a pitcher. A wicked one. Always hitting the batters–in the ye!

        Oh really! I’m sure some Scots wear them!

        *laughing* Ahhh! You trying to give me nightmares?

      • 97 FictionFan July 24, 2014 at 15:33

        Serves them right for weraing such silly trousers!

        They’d shrink in the rain…

        Oh, but you can check out your pretty PN!

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 18:09

        Pants, you mean.

        No one should use an umbrella in the rain.

        Phooey and fooey to you!

      • 99 FictionFan July 24, 2014 at 22:07

        *scandalized face* I assure you, sir, that I would never be so bold as to look at a baseball player’s pants!

        Yes, it’s much more fun to use them in a gale. *sings Mary Poppins songs*

        *laughing*

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke July 25, 2014 at 13:38

        *laughs* I bet you would!

        *holds ears* Don’t do it!

      • 101 FictionFan July 25, 2014 at 16:49

        *gasps* You Americans have no shame! We decently hide our pants under our trousers!!

        *laughing lots* A little blunt and just a shade rude perhaps, but probably wise…

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke July 26, 2014 at 14:39

        *laughs* Oh no you don’t! I bet you all wear kilts.

        Yes, I think that describes me rather well. Blunt, vulgar, and wise.

      • 103 FictionFan July 26, 2014 at 21:05

        Apparently Usain Bolt was offered a kilt today…I wait with bated breath to see if he wears it!

        Never vulgar!!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke July 27, 2014 at 15:47

        I’d wear it, I think. At least, try it on. Women don’t wear them, do they?

        Yes, I suppose not.

      • 105 FictionFan July 28, 2014 at 13:45

        You’d look amazing! Not traditionally, but they quite often do nowadays especially for Scottish dancing or such like stuff.

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke July 28, 2014 at 17:19

        I’d have to laugh myself to scorn. Imagine! The men wearing skirts and the ladies not!

  15. 107 Susan P July 22, 2014 at 13:28

    Oi oi.

    • 108 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:40

      Kaka!

      • 109 Susan P July 22, 2014 at 13:41

        Maybe it was kefir.

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2014 at 13:48

        Ooo…Yucketh! Have you had that?

      • 111 Susan P July 23, 2014 at 01:35

        I use it in baking and cooking sometimes. Yes, I had drunk it plain, but prefer it in pancakes or something. It makes gluten free baked goods fluff up instead of being flat.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 13:26

        Hmm…I don’t believe it! Is it…tasty?

      • 113 Susan P July 23, 2014 at 17:21

        It is tasty. Quite tasty. Bethy uses it a lot.

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2014 at 19:46

        Then I reform, and would like a glass.

      • 115 Susan P July 23, 2014 at 23:30

        It comes in flavors.

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 13:42

        Anything red?

      • 117 Susan P July 24, 2014 at 14:34

        Strawberry ?

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2014 at 18:01

        Oh yes!

      • 119 Susan P July 24, 2014 at 21:22

        There you are, then. Whip it all up in a smoothie and you’re good to go.

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke July 25, 2014 at 13:31

        Oh, I don’t know! *doubts and doubts*

      • 121 Susan P July 26, 2014 at 17:28

        Pumpkin pie?

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke July 27, 2014 at 15:42

        What about it?

      • 123 Susan P July 30, 2014 at 00:27

        In the smoothie!

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke July 30, 2014 at 16:39

        Yucketh!

      • 125 Susan P July 30, 2014 at 17:31

        Don’t knock it if you hasen’t tried it.

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2014 at 12:56

        Has George tried it?

      • 127 Susan P July 31, 2014 at 15:52

        He has cat food smoothies everyday.

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2014 at 23:27

        I’m…impressed–nay, jealous!

      • 129 Susan P August 1, 2014 at 19:24

        You want cat food?

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2014 at 22:13

        No!


Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,874 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 115,063 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: