The Prince Beef & I

I was standing there when the plate of blueberry pastries was set on the table.

“Oh,” Mr. Ratherquite said as his Ladies giggled, “they look simply awesome.”

“But you mustn’t touch them,” said the maid who had sat them there. “These are for the party. You can have them when the party starts in two hours.”

“Madam,” Prince Beef said with a wave of his hand, “worry not. These tarts shall not be touched.”

The maid seemed satisfied, and so she departed.

You see, this professor (and Mr. Ratherquite and his Ladies) had arrived early. Prince Beef had asked us to.

“I bet you’re wondering,” the prince began, “why I told you to arrive early.”

From the look on the prince’s face, he rather seemed to hope it was so.

“Of course,” Mr. Ratherquite answered. “I was wondering before I arrived.”

The Ladies giggled, and Prince Beef shot them an angry look.

“Well, here is the reason,” Prince Beef said as he picked up a blueberry pastry, preparing to sink his teeth into his stolen prey.

But this professor stopped him. “If I may…”

The prince paused, his hand half way to his mouth.

“What do you want, you rat?” the prince said, obviously cranky.

“Well…” I looked towards Mr. Ratherquite.

He nodded. “Yes, you can’t eat that, Mr. Prince. You said you wouldn’t. Your word is binding.”

“Yes, yes,” this professor said. “Quite right—and that makes it quite wrong to do it.”

The prince laughed, and took a quick bite. “I care not what I promise, for a promise only lasts the second it was sealed. And this promise never was sealed. Plus, it’s expired.”

And that was that. Mr. Ratherquite was angry. He stepped forward, and with one quick motion, knocked the blueberry pastry from Prince Beef’s hand.

It hit the floor with a flop.

Prince Beef was shocked—and white.

Then he yelled. And yelled. And yelled.

He didn’t say “Dishonor” but he did say, “R-r-rude!”

“No, sir,” Mr. Ratherquite retorted, “you are rude, crude, and rude! You have broken a promise!”

It didn’t end well.

Mr. Ratherquite was thrown—along with his Ladies—into prison.

And this professor was thrown out of the palace.

Dadblamery, isn’t it?

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113 Responses to “The Prince Beef & I”


  1. 1 Jackie August 6, 2014 at 12:32

    What a humdinger of a story! Dadblamery and more dadblamery! Why, it’s dadblamery run amuck! How punchalicious!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:42

      *laughing* I love your PA.

  2. 3 Micah Kipfer August 6, 2014 at 03:40

    I would imagine blueberry pastries to be fairly hard to come by in the the desert. It’s no wonder the prince was driven mad by the sight of them.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:41

      Good point. Do you understand why he did what he did, then? I think I might.

  3. 5 erinkenobi2893 August 6, 2014 at 01:19

    I think Manly-Man and Schwarz should have a raid on Prince Beef’s palace. That would take him down a few pegs!

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:41

      *laughing* That would make him soooo angry! Wouldn’t you feel a bit bad for him, though?

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 August 6, 2014 at 14:52

        Not really. I think he’d deserve it. ;-)

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 20:33

        You do have a point. He’d probably like his hair brushed, you know.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 August 6, 2014 at 23:16

        Ehhh, also going to run away with his fried chicken… I’m hungry…

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 14:26

        Oh, bring me some, too, please.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 August 7, 2014 at 17:10

        *hands you his fried chicken* I’m back. I used my awesome Ranger skills. ^_^

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 18:35

        Thanks! Oh yes, you’ll have to teach me how to be a Ranger. I’d appreciate it.

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 August 8, 2014 at 00:37

        Basically, the first lesson is, be unexpected. The second is, use your surroundings to your advantage. (Unlike Maul, who didn’t, much.)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 14:28

        Maul…he was just celebrating early, that’s all.

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 August 9, 2014 at 18:15

        Yup, and he flopped because of it. ;-P

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 22:14

        Well…Obi was lucky!

      • 17 erinkenobi2893 August 10, 2014 at 12:22

        “There’s no such thing as luck.” :-P

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2014 at 18:25

        Professorish luck?

      • 19 erinkenobi2893 August 10, 2014 at 18:42

        I don’t know, really…

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2014 at 12:58

        *laughs*

  4. 21 Debbie August 5, 2014 at 22:23

    I think “out of the palace” might be much better than “into prison,” Professor — looks like you escaped again! You specialize in that, don’t you?! Now you’ve made me hungry for blueberries, dadblameit!!

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:38

      *laughing lots* Love how you cussed! I do specialize in that. I love to cause problems then step back and enjoy the thunder. Do you know what I mean?

  5. 23 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 5, 2014 at 22:03

    First of all, I’m relieved that you agree with Mr. R about a promise being a promise. Second, I was very happy to see Mr. Ratherquite punch Beefy out. A knight is that one, I say!!! *swoons over Mr. R, briefly*
    Thirdly, get him out of jail, Duketh. I know you can… *cheers you on* The muffins sound yummy, btw.

    Now, no backing out, Sir. A promise is a promise… Still hanging on to 99.9% chance of not seeing you on Thursday. I love to win, you know. I’m very competitive.

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:37

      Mr. R? He just wanted to look righteous in front of his ladies. Don’t let that fool you! I should have sided with PB, huh?

      I won’t bust him from jail! He’s always bothering me, dadblameit!

      *bangs head on desk a few times, and then tries the wall* Nick’s going to make me.

      • 25 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 6, 2014 at 15:54

        I don’t believe that to be true at all, Duketh. I guess I’m a fool. Side with him? The one who promised and then lied? I can’t imagine you doing that…or I can.

        *frowns* You are wicked…

        *runs around adding padding to everything in the studio* Yay, Nick. For the record I’m sitting pretty at 99.9%.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 20:38

        I might do it…if it really made you cranky, I probably wouldn’t, though.

        Yes! Horribly! *sings proudly*

        *laughing* 99.99% sure?

      • 27 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 7, 2014 at 00:17

        You wanna see me cranky? Duke? *laughs* I kinda wanna show you cranky. You wouldn’t, I hope.

        Get. Him. Out. Of. Jail. The redhead, too. The blonde can stay for all I care…. *smirks*

        *stares blankly* 99.999% You don’t scare me.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 14:30

        Now I’m scared, you know.

        What about the one with blue hair?

        I scare myself, you know.

      • 29 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 7, 2014 at 15:17

        There is no way to be scared of me, Duke.

        There’s a blue haired one…Mr. R is a bit of a freak, I see.

        Tell me…

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 18:28

        I think you’re right.

        Oh no. Not one of his ladies. But she’s in the cell next…door.

        I can’t!

      • 31 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 7, 2014 at 22:28

        Not wrong…

        What is she doing there? Did you put here in there, too?

        Well..

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 14:23

        Not necessarily. I can’t be blamed for her presence in the cell, can I?

      • 33 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 9, 2014 at 17:47

        It’s your jail…

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 22:06

        It is not!

      • 35 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 10, 2014 at 03:12

        Well, sort of…

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2014 at 18:21

        Oh–I do see your point.

      • 37 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 10, 2014 at 21:34

        *looks at her pencil*

  6. 38 Sonya Solomonovich August 5, 2014 at 21:40

    Hey I was just getting to like Prince Beef… and now I find out he’s a promise breaker? Oh well, I’m sure he had a good political reason to eat that pastry.

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:34

      Well…it’s not that he’s a promise breaker. I think he forgot about what he said. Then, when confronted, he doesn’t like to back down. (Pride and all that.) So, he made an issue out of it. Someone should have been there to settle him down. Doesn’t that make you like him better?

      • 40 Sonya Solomonovich August 6, 2014 at 20:55

        Haha PLers have remarkably short memories. You’re right, that does make me like him better. We shall have to have a dance after all.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 14:22

        You shall. And I’ll watch. I mean…you know, he has a big feather in his hat.

      • 42 Sonya Solomonovich August 7, 2014 at 18:34

        Excellent! Now I must learn some punchy dances.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 18:39

        Good idea! I do wonder what they are. The professor doesn’t do too much of that sort of thing. I bet Mr. R knows all about it!

      • 44 Sonya Solomonovich August 8, 2014 at 05:30

        Yes, Mr. R seems like someone who would be good at that sort of thing.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 14:29

        Yes. The professor is good at fighting, not dancing!

  7. 46 Julie Harris August 5, 2014 at 21:28

    That pastry must be awfully good!!

    • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:33

      It was, I think! And sticky, you know.

  8. 48 The Dancing Rider August 5, 2014 at 20:59

    Mr. R, so pompous. He had to impress his tittering ladies, poor things! However, Professor, did you take a pastry? Was I to assume you did? Even if you did not, the reason you were thrown out of course was due to your allusion to Beefy breaking his own edict. But then it WAS his party! ;-)

    (One wonders how Mr. R, and the ladies, might survive prison!)

    • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:32

      Yes, I did! At the end, when no one was watching. Was it horribly wicked of me, do you suppose?

      (I’m sure they got out. I think Mr. R is friends with the warden.)

      • 50 The Dancing Rider August 6, 2014 at 18:06

        Oh, ok, I figured Mr. R and his ladies would somehow be safe! And free!

        I would say snatching one was opportunistic, thinking ‘why not’ with all the hulabaloo, no one would notice…….but I don’t think it was wicked. Wicked would have been throwing one and having it squish all over Beefy!

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 20:39

        *laughing lots* But I do think he’d look pretty–or his white suit would–with blueberry stuff all over it!

  9. 52 Bethy August 5, 2014 at 20:46

    My first thought was…who is going to clean up the floor? I mean blueberries…ick! And what did the maid have to say?

    • 53 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:31

      Well, she was very cranky, but there’s nothing much she can do to PB. Yes, I fear the floor was horribly sticky. Maybe the roaches got it?

      • 54 Bethy August 12, 2014 at 00:05

        ewww! roaches! I was just worried about sticking to the floor. I HATE sticking to the floor.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 00:33

        Yes, me too. Sticky stuff is just a nasty business. (Congratulations on…rats, I can never think of family positions and ties. On…I think it would be your niece!)

      • 56 Bethy August 13, 2014 at 10:09

        Oh thank you! She is a cutie! The Princess met her yesterday for the first time and she goes around saying how adorable she is (even though my niece/her cousin barely stopped crying the 10 minutes we were visiting!)

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:24

        *laughing* That’s great! The Princess is so funny! It’s always awesome to have a new family member in the family! I admit that’s a redundant expression.

      • 58 Bethy August 14, 2014 at 14:25

        It only gets more fun. They’re really cute when they are that little, but they only want Mommy at this age.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:13

        Which makes sense, I think. Pretty soon they grow up and play with katanas!

  10. 60 icedmocha34 August 5, 2014 at 19:50

    Euuuugh.
    I don’t like blueberry pastries. Not worth getting thrown out for.

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:26

      You don’t?? Why not? Goodness me.

      • 62 icedmocha34 August 6, 2014 at 23:36

        Blueberries are fruit. Thus they should be eaten in raw and fresh. Not baked. *shivers*

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 14:27

        Oh, Em! It’s not that bad…really!

      • 64 icedmocha34 August 7, 2014 at 19:22

        Uh, yeah it is!!!!

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 14:15

        But…have you tried it?

  11. 66 InfiniteZip August 5, 2014 at 15:32

    But he touched the tart….I wonder if it was good????

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:13

      Oh yes, I took one right before I was thrown out. Would you have liked it, do you think?

      • 68 InfiniteZip August 5, 2014 at 19:34

        I love a good tart:) raspberry best.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:26

        Oh yes, that sounds good. Will you give me one?

  12. 70 weggieboy August 5, 2014 at 15:18

    A narrow escape, Professor! Most tyrants incarcerate down to the third generation or more, if they can find them. Maybe he waits till you have at least a start at grandchildren to finish his response to you! (Just don’t show up in court with blueberries in your teeth…! Maybe hell forget.)

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:13

      *laughing* I hope he does! Though…I wouldn’t put it past him. Perhaps, I should bang him on the head? That could help with the forgetting.

  13. 72 Angeline M August 5, 2014 at 15:07

    OMG! It didn’t end well indeed! I wonder if Mr. R’s ladies giggle in prison. I wonder if there are blueberry pastries in prison. And you are one lucky professor for just being thrown out of the palace and not into prison along with the rest of the peasants. Dadblamery for sure.

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:12

      For sure! *laughs* I was rather lucky, I must say. I’m sure Mr. R’s ladies would cry in prison, don’t you think so? And I’m almost positive there’d be nothing good to eat!

  14. 74 PorterGirl August 5, 2014 at 14:06

    Wow, Mr Ratherquite really felt strongly about that pastry, didn’t he! I can quite understand it. I have very ardent feelings towards pastries, especially blueberry ones. But I think in actual fact that this is all the fault of the maid. Who but a rapscallion would put out delicious pastries then tell everyone they were not allowed to touch them? She was mischief-making, for sure.

    • 75 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:09

      Aha! Is that what she was up to? You’re probably right. It was a dadblame test! Of course, I wasn’t going to touch one. Then again…they weren’t cherry, you know. I would have probably stolen one of those, for sure!

      • 76 PorterGirl August 6, 2014 at 07:24

        *laughs* cherry ones would have been too irrisistable!

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:41

        For sure! I would have been in trouble then.

  15. 78 L. Marie August 5, 2014 at 13:45

    Wow. I never imagined Mr. Ratherquite as the heroic type. But I am surprised at you, Professor. You seemed to look to Mr. Ratherquite to react to the overbearing prince. Usually, you’re the one who reacts to the dadblamery..

    • 79 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 13:53

      *hangs head in shame* I know. I should have…but Mr. R…well, I wanted to see what he was going to do about it. Has he gone up in your estimation?

  16. 80 walt walker August 5, 2014 at 13:23

    The PL seems a very violent place, with many people getting attacked, insulted, or thrown into prison, or thrown out of prison. I think It must be a very exciting place.

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 13:52

      It is. Wouldn’t you just love to go to a party there, Walt? Who would you have speaks with? Which PL’er, I mean.

      • 82 walt walker August 5, 2014 at 14:13

        Who is that fellow I’m so fond of? The Veezler? And also Smiles. Do they go to parties, though? I think I might have to hunt them down to have speaks. Which is fine. I’m quite the huntsman, looking at twigs to see which way folk have trodden, and putting my ear to the ground and such.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:10

        Well, Smiles Riot would, if I brought him. The Veezler loves ruining parties. Walt–I didn’t know you were a tracker! Have you ever tried tracking bigfoot?

      • 84 walt walker August 5, 2014 at 20:26

        I haven’t tracked him but I did snap a blurry, black and white photo where something kind of looks like him if you hold it just right.

        Then I will have to go to two parties. One to enjoy, and one to ruin.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:30

        *laughing* That’s the one I’ve seen!

        That’s the spirit. Take me with you on the latter one.

  17. 86 FictionFan August 5, 2014 at 13:20

    Shocking! After months of denial, we discover that our dear Professor really IS a rat!! And we discover that Mr Ratherquite is…is…heroic!!!! No wonder his ladies adore him!

    (Though to be perfectly fair, I reckon I’d have eaten the pastry too…)

    • 87 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 13:52

      You’re trusting Prince Beef’s word on that! You know, he’d probably dance the cotillion… Mr. Ratherquite…was…well…yes…maybe. I don’t think he was!

      (Even after you’d given your word? Mr. R wouldn’t like that, you know…)

      • 88 FictionFan August 5, 2014 at 18:08

        Well partly…but mainly it was the fact that you answered to it that gave the game away! Yes, but I don’t want to dance with a buffoon, you know – I’m very choosy. He was! And you…you actually metaphorically stood behind him! I’m shocked and shattered…I may need to have chocolate pudding tonight to help me get over it…

        (I’d have kept my fingers crossed behind my back…)

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:20

        Goodness me, you’re right. I did answer to it. What a dummy this professor is. Well…that still doesn’t mean anything! Well, you see, FEF, I set the whole thing up. It’s doubtful if Mr. R would have realized what PB was doing. I like to set things up, and the sit back and watch everyone get in trouble–but me. Did you know I grabbed one of the pastries on the way out?

        You could just cross your toes. That’d be easier.

      • 90 FictionFan August 5, 2014 at 23:07

        Hmm…a likely story, sir! But I believe the last sentence.

        Not behind my back! I may be supple but I’m not plasticine!

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 13:39

        There’s no reason to be heroic all the time. (Some say there’s no reason to be heroic at all.) I’m a pirate. They’re not heroic.

        *laughs* I’d love to see you do that!

      • 92 FictionFan August 6, 2014 at 15:11

        Oh, have you resigned from being a hero too? I can’t keep up!

        How mean! I shall tell Tuppence…

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2014 at 20:34

        Me neither. When you hold so many positions, it’s bound to happen, though.

        She likes me! We get on rather well, you know…

      • 94 FictionFan August 6, 2014 at 22:00

        True, I suppose. Well, do let me know which of your personas survive the great cull, won’t you?

        Have you been meeting her behind my back?? *outraged face* I wondered why she’d started checking in the mirror before she goes out…

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 14:23

        Great Cull…sounds like some sort of mountain. I shall try. Sometimes–hey! What do you mean personas? I’ve only got one, dadblameit.

        *laughs* We have! Oh, and she really doesn’t have to check in the mirror.

      • 96 FictionFan August 7, 2014 at 18:50

        Or a sci-fi plot. Really? Then it is certainly multi-faceted…

        She was thrilled to bits to hear herself mentioned in today’s ripio – she thinks she’s a film-star now! *sighs* Just off to put tinsel round her cat bed…

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2014 at 19:04

        Nonsense! You’re just confused. It’s all really simple, really-really.

        Mentioned? OH! *laughs* Fancy her listening! I didn’t know she did. Give her red tinsel.

      • 98 FictionFan August 7, 2014 at 21:29

        Is confused better than befuddled? Because if you were comparing me to Shnoddy… *snarls*

        Yes, they both listen every week. You’ll need to make sure when you order the Punchy baseball caps that you get some cat-sized ones…

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 14:17

        Well…I think it is–yes! Shnoddy is Scottish, but you’re way better. Much better. Seriously.

        *laughs* Tommy would look great in one. Maybe a cape or something for Tuppence.

      • 100 FictionFan August 9, 2014 at 16:14

        Awww, thank you! Better than Shnoddy! I’m…overwhelmed! *laughs, but maybe blushes too*

        Ooh, don’t give her ideas! She’ll be thinking she’s SuperKitten!

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2014 at 22:00

        I think it was the “seriously” that sold that part! *laughs*

        I think she might already. How old is Tuppence?

      • 102 FictionFan August 10, 2014 at 00:09

        *laughs* I think you’re right!

        Five and a half – but like all ladies she likes to pretend she’s younger…

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2014 at 18:13

        Oh, that’s young for a cat! And I don’t know why. It’s better to be old and wise.

      • 104 FictionFan August 10, 2014 at 21:56

        Huh! That’s just an unfounded rumour put about by the old…

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2014 at 13:04

        Yes, I’ve always thought the youthful were wise, too.

      • 106 FictionFan August 11, 2014 at 14:45

        Yes, we are! *liberally applies wrinkle cream*

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2014 at 16:53

        I bet you don’t have any!

      • 108 FictionFan August 11, 2014 at 19:23

        *chuckles* Very perceptive!

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 00:25

        I was born perceptive!

  18. 110 Simply Skeptical August 5, 2014 at 13:08

    Prince Beef should be fileted as in filet mignon (beef) get it? Oh, no. Well, as usual I do agree with Mr. Ratherquite. There was without a doubt rude and crude behavior afoot! Shame on the Beef!

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 13:51

      *laughs* Well, Prince Beef is just very…don’t you like him?

      • 112 Simply Skeptical August 5, 2014 at 14:56

        Not this time. Glad Mr. R. stood up to his pompusness.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2014 at 19:11

        Mr. R is pompous himself. I should have thrown grape juice in their faces, huh?


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