Partying with Daddy Salami

Old Palace

This professor was nervous.

And I’m usually never nervous. (Well, in all truth, I’m only nervous on a few severe occasions that pop to mind.)

You see, I was invited to a royal ball at Prince Beef’s palace. And this was no usual ball. Queen Gertrude was attending from Austria. And, you know, Prince Beef likes Queen Gertrude.

In fact, they are thinking about getting married. (Personally, this professor has struggled with how a prince could marry a queen, but I suppose it’s possible. They’re around the same age, I think.)

Anyway, back to why this professor was nervous. I was nervous, because I had decided to bring Daddy Salami along to the ball.

He wasn’t invited.

It was a lowdown, dastardly thing to do, I know, but I was curious as to how Daddy Salami would affect the ball.

I totally regretted my decision—as soon as we were admitted into the ballroom.

It was rather busy, you know.

People there.

People there.

People everywhere.

Prince Beef spotted us, and made his way over.

He looked delighted.

“My man,” he said to me, “look about you once, twice, then thrice; and tell me: do you see Mr. Ratherquite or his pesky fly-ladies?”

The professor looked about.

“I do not,” I answered.

The prince nodded happily. “And you are right! Now…do you know how I could possibly have this ball and not have those things here?”

I hesitated.

“I’ll give you a hint,” the prince continued, staring loftily at the ceiling. “It has to do with my discriminating wit.” [Editor’s note: In the PL, “discriminating wit” refers to the highest of intellects.]

“You know,” this professor said, “I really don’t know how you did it. If it was my party, I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish it—without a weapon of some sort.”

This made Prince Beef even happier.

“I,” he began, “I kept them away…by—are you ready for this?—by inviting them!”

The prince laughed happily. “That’s how it’s done!”

Now, Daddy Salami had kept quiet—and stationary—the whole time, which is a few wonders, and maybe some more on top.

But he finally broke his silence here.

“Listen, cur-face,” he said to the prince, “enough of yer stupid stories. Where’s the prince?”

It was the worst insult ever.

Prince Beef began to shake involuntarily. And he turned red.

“Arrest him!” he screamed, pointing to Daddy Salami.

A chase followed, and I fear that the whole party was rather ruined.

Luckily, Salami was in a rather decent mood. He was laughing and skipping as they chased him about.

When it was over, and Salami had been chased out of the palace, Prince Beef looked about at his soiled party, annoyed guests, and…well, me.

“I don’t remember inviting that hound,” he announced, both hands on his hips. “Didn’t he come in with you, P.VJ?”

Luckily, I was saved from answering.

At that moment, three more people entered the ballroom.

“Oh my,” one said, “I am so sorry I’m late. The Ladies—they can take forever to get ready, you know.”

It was Mr. Ratherquite and his Ladies.

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172 Responses to “Partying with Daddy Salami”


  1. 1 Jackie (Lostinthot) August 14, 2014 at 11:04

    Wowawee! That was intensely punchalicious! I love the giant burst of dadblamery at the end – well done! :-)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:43

      *laughs* I love your PA, Jackie!

      • 3 Jackie (Lostinthot) August 14, 2014 at 13:50

        :-D I love your reply!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:56

        *laughing* The professor is honored! You use it way better than I do. In fact, I think I forget half of them.

  2. 5 Me, Myself and DIY August 13, 2014 at 12:25

    You are always looking to start something Professor aren’t you?

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:29

      Yes! Am I very wicked?

      • 7 Me, Myself and DIY August 13, 2014 at 23:32

        Seems like it. Seems like you LIKE to be. Just an observation of course. ;)

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:40

        *laughing* I would like to be, you know. It’s be a trip!

  3. 9 Bethy August 13, 2014 at 10:21

    I wondered…inviting people I didn’t want to come never worked for me!

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:28

      *laughs* Yes, I can’t see how it would. There was a chance where Mr. R was concerned, but still…don’t you suppose PB should have just thrown him out?

      • 11 Bethy August 14, 2014 at 14:31

        That would have been the simplest solution, but then they don’t always go for simple in PL.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:16

        True. Maybe he thinks if he does that, Mr. R would win in the end. He’s strange like that.

      • 13 Bethy August 18, 2014 at 22:50

        Well I think Mr. R thinks he wins every time doesn’t he? Or at least his ladies let him think so?

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 01:24

        One or the other. I bet the latter! You should slap him.

      • 15 Bethy August 19, 2014 at 09:47

        You know sometimes I do feel like it!

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 12:02

        *laughing* Some one should do something like that.

      • 17 Bethy August 20, 2014 at 13:26

        Do I hear another story churning in the professorish brain?

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:40

        Yes! But I’d have to get someone to do it.

      • 19 Bethy August 21, 2014 at 15:10

        what? Have you sworn off writing all of a sudden?

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:16

        No, but I like the idea of having a bunch of secretaries!

      • 21 Bethy August 25, 2014 at 12:25

        Well I don’t blame you. They can be handy to have around. I know I can be handy on occasion *smile*

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:38

        I know you can be! It’s also good to keep a few katanas around.

      • 23 Bethy August 27, 2014 at 09:34

        Well yeah!

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 14:00

        *nods emphatically*

      • 25 Bethy September 1, 2014 at 17:15

        Nice nodding.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2014 at 00:58

        Aw, thanks!

  4. 27 The Dancing Rider August 12, 2014 at 22:18

    The title of the entry, I admit, made me wince! I did not know what to expect, but read on anyway.

    But I was quite entertained. The Professor, a person after my own heart in this story due to bringing along Daddy Salami. Sneaky, but in a fun way.

    Poor Beefy — getting it from all angles. Mr. R and the ladies show up after all, though he thought he’d had them sorted.

    And DS skipping and laughing -as they chased him out. Now THAT would have been worth going to the party for!

    (As for the Professor, funny you did not have to answer that question!)

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:04

      Haha! And DS definitely made the party more interesting–at least, according to my professorish mind.

      Yes, I must say I did feel a bit badly for PB at the end. I did think that his scheme had kept Mr. R away. But I suppose there’s no way to keep that bloke away from a party, really.

      That was grand! I escaped, you know. Don’t you think I should get a badge?

      • 29 The Dancing Rider August 13, 2014 at 18:36

        Well, maybe someone might give you an achievement badge. But I know you were being sneaky, so I probably won’t — this time anyway. ;-)

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:49

        *laughs* The professor is very nice. And mean things happen sometimes. It must be someone else’s fault…

  5. 31 Micah Kipfer August 12, 2014 at 21:53

    Professor, festivial sabotage is the most dastardly of all treasons. You have my respect.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:02

      *smiles bigly* Wasn’t it grand? I should have brought you along, too, huh? We could have had the greatest time seeing that, you know.

  6. 33 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 12, 2014 at 19:40

    Does this imply that Mr. Ratherquite and his ladies all live in one giant compartment?

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 20:10

      Oh, I don’t think so…why do you suppose so?

      • 35 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 13, 2014 at 14:38

        He was waiting for them all to get ready…

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:33

        Maybe they were in separate hotel rooms?

      • 37 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 14, 2014 at 13:29

        If that’s what you want to think…

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:50

        Nick, be nice.

  7. 39 Julie Harris August 12, 2014 at 18:37

    Ooh! I want to go to a ball!!

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 20:05

      But you’d have to dance! That’s horrid, you know, isn’t it?

      • 41 Julie Harris August 12, 2014 at 20:41

        I love dancing….it’s people who have to witness it that I worry about!!

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:01

        *laughs* Wouldn’t you rather a grand sword fight?

  8. 43 erinkenobi2893 August 12, 2014 at 18:32

    Haha! Take that, Prince Beef! (Where’s Schwarz, I wonder?)

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 20:05

      *laughs* And PB thought it was all okay. Well, I bet he was off doing something. He wasn’t at the ball, that I saw. Wasn’t it great that I brought DS?

      • 45 erinkenobi2893 August 12, 2014 at 23:26

        Do you do these things deliberately, Professor? :-P

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:05

        Well…I don’t think so. I mean, I think I’m innocent, don’t you?

      • 47 erinkenobi2893 August 13, 2014 at 19:33

        No, I mean… do you do these things just to shake things up a bit, or do you do them for no real reason that you can think of?

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:51

        Well, the former! For this one, I wanted to see how PB would deal with DS at the party. If Obi-Wan was available, I would have brought him along to see what he’d do with a rowdy DS!

      • 49 erinkenobi2893 August 13, 2014 at 19:56

        THAT’S IT! THAT’S WHAT I WANTED TO DO FOR MY BLOG ANNIVERSARY! I WANTED TO GET A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TOGETHER TO WORK JOINTLY ON A STORY!!!
        Oh well. I suppose there’s always next year, isn’t there?

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:09

        That would be so much fun!!! Yes, we have to do this. We’ll have a huge blog celebration!

      • 51 erinkenobi2893 August 14, 2014 at 15:44

        X-D Yeah! We could do something incredibly crazy, like a major crossover story. ;-)

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:24

        That would be tops. Must keep it in mind!

      • 53 erinkenobi2893 August 15, 2014 at 11:52

        :-D Yes indeed! Then we could see Obi-Wan’s reaction to DS and Mr. Ratherquite and maybe a lightsaber duel with Sidious… ^_^

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke August 16, 2014 at 18:39

        Nice! I do wonder what Obi-Wan would think of DS…

      • 55 erinkenobi2893 August 16, 2014 at 21:51

        Probably he’d stare at DS with that look that says “You can’t be serious”, one eyebrow raised, arms crossed, until DS snarled at him, “What are you looking at, cur-face?” Which would probably send Obi-Wan into paroxysms of laughter. :-P

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2014 at 11:43

        *laughs* I’m surprised Obi-Wan would laugh, but now that you say it, I can see that. The meeting would have to be caught on tape.

      • 57 erinkenobi2893 August 18, 2014 at 12:09

        Yes! Or in a transcript! :-P

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2014 at 15:03

        Definitely.

      • 59 erinkenobi2893 August 19, 2014 at 11:52

        We should write about that. :-P
        Like, the people from my mind palace visit the Punchy Lands! :-P

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 12:06

        It might cause a war! But it’d be great.

      • 61 erinkenobi2893 August 19, 2014 at 12:20

        :-D
        Wait, how would that cause a war???

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:22

        Well, DS doesn’t need much of an excuse.

      • 63 erinkenobi2893 August 20, 2014 at 11:51

        True. :-P
        But can he wage a war single-handedly?

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:34

        He’s tried before. I don’t know how far he’d get.

      • 65 erinkenobi2893 August 21, 2014 at 00:36

        Probably not THAT far… :-P

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:52

        Further than the mountains!

      • 67 erinkenobi2893 August 21, 2014 at 14:19

        Well, it’s only him and his limited resources…

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:09

        Yes…that’s true. But…some say DS isn’t normal.

      • 69 erinkenobi2893 August 22, 2014 at 13:19

        Indeed?

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:38

        Yes, I think it started once when Ruber and MM were running from him. DS shrouded the forest in a black smoke or something. It’s said that he’s a bit Punchy. Which means, that the Punchies (the ones who define the PL) inspire him–in a way. So, if a PL’er is said to be Punchy that usually means he has super powers of some sort.

      • 71 erinkenobi2893 August 22, 2014 at 13:44

        Oh… But it seems that his powers are mostly in illusion.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:49

        Sometimes! While DS does rely heavily on that, there are times when that’s not the case. MM will tell you!

      • 73 erinkenobi2893 August 22, 2014 at 15:49

        Have they ever gotten in a battle?

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke August 23, 2014 at 16:43

        Yes, they have. MM has told me that if he does something sudden (like rip of DS’s shirt, or slap) DS will lose his powers. From shock, I guess.

      • 75 erinkenobi2893 August 23, 2014 at 17:06

        Okay…

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2014 at 17:36

        Weird, I know.

      • 77 erinkenobi2893 August 24, 2014 at 21:10

        More like “freakish”…

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:34

        Or Punchyish.

      • 79 erinkenobi2893 August 25, 2014 at 13:41

        That’s true. :-P

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:44

        *nods*

      • 81 erinkenobi2893 August 25, 2014 at 14:18

        So, how often has DS started wars in the past?

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 20:29

        Often. He usually messes with the Punchies. And then a Punchy War is caused. There’s been tons of those. They usually take hold of every nation in the PL.

      • 83 erinkenobi2893 August 25, 2014 at 20:43

        Oh dear. That sounds very serious indeed!

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 12:32

        But it’s all in the PL, remember.

      • 85 erinkenobi2893 August 26, 2014 at 13:05

        That’s true. It still sounds serious, though.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:17

        It is. The PL is serious. I’m serious, you know.

      • 87 erinkenobi2893 August 27, 2014 at 13:48

        Yes, naturally. ;-P

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 14:05

        *laughing*

  9. 89 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 12, 2014 at 15:53

    How nice of you to take DS, Duke. Beefy deserved that, you know! And I love that Mr.R and The Ladies showed up…

    Does that mean you’ve sprung them from jail? What happened next????

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 20:01

      Well…I did it to be mean! Maybe. Maybe it was sweet of me to mess the party up. Don’t you like PB?

      The professor fled! And I ran into Mr. Magi who was looking for MM, you know.

      • 91 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 13, 2014 at 01:27

        Yes, I know…you’re wicked! I think it was a great way to mess the party up. You are somewhat of a party pooper, probably. *smiles* No, not since he told his maid that he wouldn’t eat the muffin and then did…I don’t trust him now.

        You fled…just like you to do that, you know. You rand into my Magi? What did MM do now…that man!

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:17

        But he probably forgot all about it, Audith. He isn’t a mean thing–like the professor. I like parties, I think. Especially if there’s volleyball.

        MM is hatching some sort of scheme to open airports all over the PL. Mr. Magi was just checking in to see if everything was “okay”. But he couldn’t find MM. And I didn’t tell him where he was!

      • 93 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 13, 2014 at 15:14

        I don’t believe it. I think he remembers just fine. Probably learned from you, Duke. I love parties. Going and entertaining. ..I like having people around. Volleyball? I find that hard to play for a few reasons.

        Oooo, exciting! Mr. Magi found him…he just didn’t want you to know, I think.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:39

        I’m sweeter than I let on, you know. I really wouldn’t take the pastry. Why not volleyball? I’m curious now!

        Oh did he? Well, that was mean of him, wasn’t it?

      • 95 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 13, 2014 at 21:22

        Because you’re a good man? Or because you know you’d be caught and punished?? *Hmmmm*
        Volleyball, well, it’s hard to play with ummm, well, ummm…stuff in the way. Plus, I think that hard ball comes quicker than it used to..

        Very mean. *sparkles* He can be that way, I suppose.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:26

        Well, we all know I’m very wicked. But probably because I’m good. But I don’t know. I am wicked. Now I’m confused. What do you suppose? *quizzical eye*

        Ohhhhhhhhh! Hard balls would be fun!

        He can not! He must not have known.

      • 97 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 14, 2014 at 20:30

        Wickedly good, I think! *eye brows moving up and down*

        Ohhhhh, I think he understands, Audithese now. Hard balls or fast balls?

        I guess you know best. I shouldn’t build ole Mr. Magi up so much, I suppose.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:39

        Yes, that’s it! A wonder…

        I hope I do, though I can’t be sure, you know. All of them! Don’t you think so?

        Well, you know, Mr. Magi never tells a lie.

      • 99 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 15, 2014 at 02:32

        Well, I suppose it is.

        Why can’t you be sure. Aren’t I easy enough to understand???? Okay, but I’m not surely sure, Duke.

        Yes, and you tell many.

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke August 16, 2014 at 18:34

        I think you are. But you talk in riddles, you know.

        I do not!!!

      • 101 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 18, 2014 at 03:56

        I do? So do you… we must like riddles.

        *goes off to find your friend, the judge*

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2014 at 11:50

        I’m rubbish at riddles.

        *wonders why*

      • 103 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 19, 2014 at 02:21

        I am, too, actually, which is why I have such a hard time following you, I guess.

        He can see a liar a mile away, I bet.

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 11:53

        Yes. But my riddles aren’t no good.

        (Yes, but he hasn’t spotted me yet!)

      • 105 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 19, 2014 at 21:57

        Duke….you’re obviously with him…your language. *smirk* And they are too.

        (He may soon.)

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:19

        With whom?

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 20, 2014 at 15:36

        MM

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 19:47

        You think I am MM, don’t you?

      • 109 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 20, 2014 at 20:38

        I think you’re with him….maybe I do. *darts her eyes*

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:44

        *shakes head* I’m not…but what do you mean with him?

      • 111 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 21, 2014 at 01:55

        I mean the way you phrased your sentence up there made it sound like you were, at the very least, with him if not him. Was just a giggling moment, Duke.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 13:42

        Oh, I did that on purpose. *smiles bigly*

      • 113 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 21, 2014 at 18:34

        *snickers* I knew it.

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:32

        *smiles*

  10. 115 Debbie August 12, 2014 at 15:53

    The poor prince. Nothing like hosting a fancy ball and having party crashers show up to ruin the occasion! Sounds like Salami really stirred things up, but what’s the rest of the story? I mean, Mr. R. and his Ladies are famous for making a scene, aren’t they??

    • 116 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 20:00

      And they sure made one! As soon as they came in, this professor left. But I saw enough. Mr. R was debating with the PB, who said he never invited them. Mr. R was making a scene. Dreadful, isn’t it?

  11. 117 InfiniteZip August 12, 2014 at 15:38

    I would love to go to a ball:) no one invites me:(

    • 118 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 19:59

      Oh! But, Zippy, you’d have to dance if you went to a ball. You wouldn’t like that, would you?

      • 119 InfiniteZip August 13, 2014 at 01:06

        Oh, but I do so like dancing, would you save a dance for me I wonder???.

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:15

        *gulp* You mean dance? But I can’t dance, Zippy!

      • 121 InfiniteZip August 13, 2014 at 15:44

        Dadblamitt, why not???? Did someone cut off your toes?

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:41

        Only ladies dance!

      • 123 InfiniteZip August 13, 2014 at 21:03

        Well what do the men do??

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:24

        Fight with swords?

      • 125 InfiniteZip August 14, 2014 at 15:49

        Yeah okay, but no deaths alright?

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:28

        Okay! Just little wounds?

      • 127 InfiniteZip August 15, 2014 at 09:41

        Yes, we can make due with that;)

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke August 16, 2014 at 18:38

        Awesome! Will you try?

      • 129 InfiniteZip August 16, 2014 at 18:40

        Maybe, we shall see….

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke August 16, 2014 at 18:53

        It’s great fun, you know.

      • 131 InfiniteZip August 16, 2014 at 19:03

        I’m cooking a pig right now…is that cool?

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2014 at 11:43

        It is! Did you kill him?

      • 133 InfiniteZip August 18, 2014 at 13:09

        No, the farmer did. I sewed all the apples herbs and onions inside of it though, kind of like sewing a football with a head:)

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2014 at 15:08

        That sounds tasty! Was it?

      • 135 InfiniteZip August 18, 2014 at 15:54

        Yes, very….and someone bit and tried his ear….I did not partake of that part;)

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 01:14

        Yes, can’t say I would have. Did you have the apple?

      • 137 InfiniteZip August 19, 2014 at 09:14

        No, it was inside, I don’t like inside apples. Just outside ones:)

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 11:59

        Yes, agreed. It’d be horrid at that point.

  12. 139 walt walker August 12, 2014 at 14:32

    So, PVJ, were you found guilty in the end or did you manage to slip away?

    • 140 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 19:58

      I slipped away! Wily of me, wasn’t it?

      • 141 walt walker August 12, 2014 at 21:24

        Quite! Well played!

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:02

        The scary part is that it chanced upon me. Had I thought about it…well, I would have ruined it, if you know what I mean.

  13. 143 PorterGirl August 12, 2014 at 13:59

    I think the party was mightily improved by the presence of DS! And how marvelous that Mr R and The Ladies appeared. The Ladies are rather silly but Mr R does bring a certain something to proceedings. I do not think that Queen Gertrude would marry Beef, who would marry him?! Not me. But maybe the Queen has different tastes. I wish I had been at this party, it sounds just wonderful.

    • 144 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 19:52

      Now I am curious, Lucy. Why wouldn’t you marry PB? He seems like a respectable fellow. Mr. R is definitely respectable, isn’t he?

      Yes, DS was awesome! I should have brought MM too.

      • 145 PorterGirl August 13, 2014 at 07:18

        I could never marry a respectable fellow, although I would make a good princess. I would look good in the crown, I think. Although PB has a lot of parties, which I like, I think I would find him dull after time. Mr R is a splendid fellow indeed! Respectable, but also outspoken. I wouldn’t marry him either, but I would go to a party with him.

        Yes, next time take MM as well. Does he like a good party? He might be quite good at dancing, maybe. Dancing can be a bit like fighting, but nicer.

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:22

        All good points! You need…a Rhett Butler! Or some dastardly fellow. They’re the funnest, I think. Wouldn’t you rather be a queen than a princess? I mean, I never liked the idea about a prince. I’d rather be a warlord or something like that.

        MM, believe it or not, does dance! He says it’s disco dancing, but I don’t know. All I do know is that it’s very wild!

      • 147 PorterGirl August 13, 2014 at 13:25

        Yes, a dastardly fellow! That is exactly what I need. If you know any dastardly fellows, Professor, do give them my number haha! I would be a very poor Queen, I think. I think Dictator would suit me very well.

        I would just love to see MM’s wild dancing! I bet he is like a whirling dervish. Does he have special shoes specifically for the occasion?

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:35

        Dictator! Or an autocrat, like Arthur! Though I do think he’s a good king overall. Okay, I will do that… Maybe Mark Malone? Though he is respectable.

        I’ll have to ask…probably just wears his flip-flops!

      • 149 PorterGirl August 13, 2014 at 14:08

        I think Arthur is quite a good King. Being a good King is hard and he does it rather well. I fear Mark maybe a little too respectable, but he is certainly a top fellow.

        Dancing wildly in flip-flops! MM is such a dude.

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:31

        *laughs* Certainly not DS? He is. Though, he has made his country go bankrupt. Or maybe that was MM who did that.

        Yes, he certainly is.

  14. 151 L. Marie August 12, 2014 at 13:56

    And to think I agreed with Prince Beef (for once) that inviting Mr. Ratherquite and his ladies was the best thing to keep them away. Guess we were both wrong!
    You like to live dangerously, don’t you? Inviting Daddy Salami was quite a risky thing to do.
    If I were Queen Gertrude, I would run like the wind, instead of marrying Prince Beef.

    • 152 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 19:51

      *laughs* Yes, only a weapon, I think. Though, at the time, I thought it a rather good idea.

      Of course! I’m a pirate/warrior, you know. It was great fun!

      That’s horrid. Isn’t PB a nice guy?

      • 153 L. Marie August 14, 2014 at 14:49

        PB doesn’t seem very nice. Just because he’s royalty, that doesn’t make him quality.

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:18

        Yes, I should tell him that. As a matter of fact, I will–if I can work up the courage!

  15. 155 Simply Skeptical August 12, 2014 at 13:41

    The Prince is rather rude and condescending. I’m glad (the all prim & proper) Mr. R. and his ladies appeared. Serves Beef right! As for Salami his crude ways were apporpriate this time.

    • 156 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 19:50

      How about the professor? Wasn’t I the perfect gentlemen? You know, I think Mr. R (and the ladies) go to show you that to be prim & proper is just useless. Don’t you think so?

      • 157 Simply Skeptical August 13, 2014 at 00:03

        The Professor set it up. A little mischevious he is.

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:07

        Certainly not the professor!

  16. 159 FictionFan August 12, 2014 at 13:13

    *laughing lots* Naughty Professor! You’ll never get a knighthood if you go about offending all the royalty like that! You’re as bad as DS – but sneakier…

    I’m glad Mr R and the ladies turned up. No party would be the same without them, I feel. They bring a certain tone of elegance that is so sadly lacking amongst many of the other guests, don’t you think?

    • 160 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 19:48

      I thought I was rather genuine. What did I do? I was being sweet, dadblameit!

      Yes…but don’t they seem to make elegance a sad thing overall? I mean…not something that should be done. You see, if they’re elegant, the whole operation should be quit. Would you like them at your coronation ball?

      • 161 FictionFan August 13, 2014 at 00:48

        Don’t try the innocent act with me, sir! You clearly set out to sabotage the ball, just ‘cos you didn’t want to have to dance! You really should get Mr R to give you some lessons – you might be able to enjoy these balls then…

        Yes, I’m thinking I might give Mr R a title as a reward for teaching you the cotillion in time for the ball – perhaps an Earl…or maybe a Duke! What d’you think? And the ladies could be Duchesses…

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 13:09

        Well…but FEF wasn’t there, so I didn’t have to dance anyway! It was just for some sport. DS can be presentable at times. I bet he’ll behave if Ruber ever gets married.

        Huff-Hum! Isn’t that a bit to close to my last name? I’m the Duke, you see. Would you dance with Mr. R?

      • 163 FictionFan August 13, 2014 at 16:50

        Awwww! That’s true – ‘cos I’d have had to take revenge if you’d danced with someone else! *madly jealous face* Oh, please, please don’t let Ruber marry! Or at least don’t let him breed…!!!

        Well, but Mr R might be more successful at getting me made Queen. No, if I can’t dance with C-W-W, I just won’t dance at all!

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke August 13, 2014 at 19:45

        Yes, as I see it, I’ve only got to do one dance–and it’s with FEF! Though, of course, you could let me off. *laughing* But I can’t control what he does! Imagine little DS’s running about.

        He might be! You should ask him about it. I won’t stand in your way. See? You don’t like dancing either!

      • 165 FictionFan August 13, 2014 at 22:05

        Yes, I could, couldn’t I? But I won’t! Aarghhh! What a terrifying prospect! I shall have nightmares tonight…

        Huh! I think you don’t really want me to be Queen! I shall make a point of standing on the Professorish toes while we dance…

      • 166 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 13:32

        You could! Would you? Maybe I don’t want you to… Ruber is his son, after all.

        How horrid! But I bet you’ll be too busy to do that. (I’ll wear steel-tipped boots.)

      • 167 FictionFan August 14, 2014 at 15:45

        Aha! The brainwashing is finally working! *huge smile* Yes, well, exactly! And if that isn’t a good argument for banning children, I don’t know what is!

        *gulps* Then…then…please practice lots before we dance… *pre-books appointment with toe surgeon*

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2014 at 21:25

        Hmm! Is that what it is? *horridly angry face* Ruber’s a good chap! Look! He opened a food place!

        *laughs* Is it normal to step on partners’ feet while dancing?

      • 169 FictionFan August 15, 2014 at 13:06

        Oh, you’re only pretending to be angry! Really, you can’t wait to dance! See how well I know you?

        Well! If mass poisoning is a sign of being a good chap, all I can say is spit-tooey, sir!!!

        *laughing* No…but don’t you feel that with your two left feet and my two left feet it’s almost inevitable?

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke August 16, 2014 at 18:46

        It’s too…girly! I can’t see why men and women can’t play football together instead!

        He didn’t mean it!

        I didn’t know you shared the same affliction! We’ll just have to…do something else, then!

  17. 171 weggieboy August 12, 2014 at 12:21

    Queen Elizabeth, as a princess, married Phillip, a prince, though it was a given she was next in line for the throne. I suppose Prince Beef can get used to walking a designated few steps behind Queen Gertrude and being thought of as a provider of stud services to produce the next heir. Depends on how much pride he has, eh? Or not. And whether or not the monarchy returns to power in Austria, too.

    • 172 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2014 at 13:02

      *laughing* Very good point. But I bet PB doesn’t have the necessary humility for that. I’m sure they’d stay in America and rule. He has a frightful issue with pride, you know.


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