Three Guests at Breakfast

I was having breakfast with Fats Henry, in his palace, on Fat Man Island.

There were all sorts of tasty things to eat for breakfast. Including some kind of roach that was at the very center of the table.

The tablecloth was ugly, by the way.

And I wasn’t very hungry, by the other way.

But Fats Henry was, by the last way.

“So,” Henry bellowed (at least, it was far louder than it needed to be), “what are you doing these days, P.VJ?”

The professor hates that question worst of any. Or worst of all. I decided I’d be honest on the matter, a dangerous path to take if you’re an obnoxious liar.

“I hate that question so much,” I began, “that I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate it in front of the roaches.” I motioned to the half-empty bowl on the table.

“Don’t worry about the roaches,” Henry said as he took another, “they’re already dead, which you might be if you don’t answer my question—now!”

Before I could answer, we were joined by another guest, Mr. Magi.

“Be nice, Fat Man,” he said as he took a seat across from me. “Nice to see you, P.VJ.”

The professor nodded. “Nice to see you, too.”

From the look of how Mr. Magi’s eyes looked—I know that was a bit confusing—he didn’t seem to like the bowl of roaches.

“So,” Henry roared, “what have you been up to, Mr. Magi?”

“Well,” Mr. Magi began, “I have been going about the earth.”

“Why aren’t you two eating anything?” Henry suddenly asked.

“I’m not hungry,” Mr. Magi said.

“Neither am I,” I added.

A voice rang out, “But I am, ya curs!”

And that’s when we were joined by Daddy Salami.

“These roaches are disgusting,” Salami said. And with one sudden movement, he knocked the bowl to the floor.

Henry looked up. “What’d you just do, huh?”

“Keep ya cur tongue from flapping in yer cur mouth!” Salami returned.

“Why you—” Henry began, but Mr. Mag said:

“Quite enough of that, young men!”

And that was that.

There was silence for a bit.

Mr. Magi took off his top hat, and gloves. Then he said, “Why did you invite us here, Fat Man? Was it just for breakfast? I thought you might have something important to tell us.”

“Yes,” this professor said. “Breakfast and I don’t get along. I came for the news.”

Daddy Salami laughed. “I came for the food. Keep your information! Hehaha.”

Henry scowled—bigly. “I didn’t invite any of you!”

And that was a dadblamery of dadblameries.

(Part 2 tomorrow!)

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141 Responses to “Three Guests at Breakfast”


  1. 1 masgautsen August 20, 2014 at 06:35

    I can’t wait for part 2!

    Btw that breakfast does not sound like anything I’d like to have, but to each his own.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:32

      Yes, me either. Do you like breakfast as a rule?

      • 3 masgautsen August 20, 2014 at 14:54

        On weekends when I have the time to enjoy the meal and can wait a while after I got up before I eat. Most days I’m not to pushed.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 19:43

        Makes perfect sense to this senseless professor! *smiles bigly*

  2. 5 Catherine August 20, 2014 at 04:48

    Wonder what he’s up to? I can’t wait for part 2!

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:29

      Dadblamery, I bet. Did you know the professor is up to dadblamery all the time?

      • 7 Catherine August 22, 2014 at 15:51

        Probably.

        Oh, my. All the time? Does he never take a break?

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke August 23, 2014 at 16:44

        *laughs* No! It’s part of the gig, I think.

      • 9 Catherine August 24, 2014 at 00:35

        Haha, okay! Just don’t forget to eat once in a while. Eating is important.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2014 at 17:48

        Very true!

  3. 11 Susan P August 20, 2014 at 00:14

    You forgot about Frank Sinatra’s Way.

    If it’s roaches you like, Florida is chock full of the beggars.

    Maybe you would eat breakfast if I brought some of my oatmeal muffins with raisins.

    Salami had the right idea in the end.

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:22

      His My Way?

      NO! Really?

      I sure would! Oatmeal muffins sound more than awesome!!!!

      You agreed with Salami. That’s a wonder, you know.

      • 13 Susan P August 20, 2014 at 13:49

        Salami is 50% bluff and the rest he makes up as he goes. How can you disagree with such an agreeable creature?

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 19:38

        Agreeable? *squinty eye look*

      • 15 Susan P August 20, 2014 at 21:17

        Well, more or less.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:47

        More less than more!

      • 17 Susan P August 21, 2014 at 15:35

        You don’t like him?

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:21

        No!

      • 19 Susan P August 22, 2014 at 13:57

        But he is so charming. Sometimes he reminds me of you.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke August 23, 2014 at 16:13

        Why would you say that… *gulp*

      • 21 Susan P August 23, 2014 at 17:55

        I only said it because it’s true. You two rascals always make me laugh.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2014 at 17:42

        *laughs* My pleasure! The PL is a humor blog, I hope. (I’m glad you like DS.)

      • 23 Susan P August 24, 2014 at 19:27

        Indeed. Some situations require some DS rascality to keep me sane.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:27

        Yes, me too.

      • 25 Susan P August 25, 2014 at 13:53

        Bwahahahaha!

  4. 26 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 19, 2014 at 21:26

    Just like my Magi to slide in at the end…. *smiles* I love that he arrives with his hat and gloves. He’s a keeper. Did you feel more relaxed when he arrived, Duke? I bet you did..

    I cannot wait to see what Fats Henry is up to..

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:17

      I knew that Mr. Magi would control the situation, you know. Should I have felt safe, do you think? I mean, I think I did. Though, sometimes, Mr. Magi can cause problems–unwittingly.

      Probably nothing grand. (Unlike the professor!)

      • 28 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 20, 2014 at 15:32

        Yes, he has that way about him. I think you should feel safe with him around, Duke. I would, you know. He causes problems for the best of reasons, I guess. One has to trust him. Has he ever made you think he wasn’t worth trusting? You should tell me if he has…I have put all my eggs in his basket. His and Mr. R’s, of course. *smiles*

        Oh, come on….Duke.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 19:46

        No… Mr. Magi is very trustworthy. Now…Mr. R? You’re joking!

      • 30 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 20, 2014 at 20:34

        Good. I knew I liked him! I know and i like being reminded that i have him sorted just right. Pay no mind to my swooning, dear Duketh.
        Mr.R…well, I’ve told you that!

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:43

        Did you know Mr. Magi is a short fellow?

      • 32 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 21, 2014 at 01:48

        No, I didn’t. He wouldn’t want a tall redhead bugging him about silly things anyway.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 13:41

        He wouldn’t care an ounce about it. I mean, he wouldn’t mind speaking with you.

      • 34 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 21, 2014 at 18:27

        Far too busy.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:30

        No, Mr. Magi’s never too busy that way. You’d just have to follow him about as he goes from place to place.

      • 36 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 22, 2014 at 14:11

        I can handle that quite easily. And I could pat the top of his hat, which would be nice.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke August 23, 2014 at 16:37

        *laughs* That would be funny!

      • 38 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 23, 2014 at 17:13

        He wouldn’t like it, I bet. He’s far too serious.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2014 at 17:38

        He’d actually probably look at you like you were a little girl, if you did that.

      • 40 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 24, 2014 at 19:46

        But, I’m not. I’m a woman, who sometimes, forgets.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:32

        And I’m a professor, who sometimes, remembers.

      • 42 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 25, 2014 at 14:54

        Aw. There’s a poem in there somewhere…

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 20:33

        But I can’t find it.

      • 44 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 25, 2014 at 21:37

        Find your glasses…

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 12:43

        I don’t wear them much.

      • 46 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 26, 2014 at 14:03

        I have some and look like a very smart woman now…black ones.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:24

        Haha. That’s a great color, you know!

      • 48 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 27, 2014 at 00:07

        It is… I happen to like that color.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:50

        Yes, me too.

      • 50 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 27, 2014 at 19:59

        How nice.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:25

        How wicked.

      • 52 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 28, 2014 at 20:47

        Sounds like you…

  5. 53 The Lite Rider August 19, 2014 at 21:19

    Mr. Magi stepped in just at the crucial moment. And he interjected at crucial moments later, too. The most fun was Daddy Salami arriving and knocking that roach bowl off the table – he did what needed to be done.

    Who knows if there were roach parts and pieces in the other food?! How could anyone be hungry after seeing that lovely “center piece”!

    Awaiting part two.

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:16

      I agree. It needed taken to the trash. Imagine Henry…sometimes he reminds me of a troll or something like that, you know.

      *laughs* Right! That’s why I didn’t eat–anything! Mr. Magi didn’t either.

  6. 55 walt walker August 19, 2014 at 21:12

    What I learned from this:

    Be careful what you say in front of roaches.

    Be careful who you have breakfast with.

    I have more to learn.

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:15

      *laughing* Love your thoughts…yes, even dead roaches, you see. Isn’t that a wonder?

      I’m sure you would have enjoyed the breakfast, Walt.

      • 57 walt walker August 20, 2014 at 23:27

        Yes, I wish I could have been there. If only to watch the roaches be eaten, and the arguments be argued. I would eat popcorn.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:51

        Popcorn…with the black stuff?

  7. 59 erinkenobi2893 August 19, 2014 at 18:23

    That was odd… I wonder what they’re up to… did the Veezler fake the invitations, or was that all Daddy Salami?
    I have chocolate waffles, if anyone’s interested! :-D And muffins. Blueberry ones.

    • 60 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 19, 2014 at 18:28

      I am interested in chocolate waffles. And Blueberry waffles. Always.

      • 61 erinkenobi2893 August 19, 2014 at 18:31

        *hands out chocolate waffles* I didn’t bring the powdered sugar–it’s just extra calories, anyway, without actually adding to the taste–but there is butter.

    • 62 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:35

      You do??? I’m like so interested I can’t begin to tell you how interested!!!!!

      Well, it wasn’t the Veezler. Probably Lottie. Do you remember her?

      • 63 erinkenobi2893 August 20, 2014 at 11:54

        :-) Waffles are awesome. They bring people together. :-) As do muffins, and with muffins you don’t get sticky fingers so easily. ;-P
        Oh, yes. The obnoxious secret agent person. :-P She seems to love causing trouble… what if she went rogue and is now working against the people of the PL in general?! 0_0

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:35

        True! Sticky fingers are horrid. They are said to attract bees, you know.

        It’s very possible! In that case, I better hunt her. See what a nice Sith I am?

      • 65 erinkenobi2893 August 21, 2014 at 00:37

        Yes, but they attract wasps and mosquitoes as well.
        I don’t know how far you’ll get…

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:53

        True.

        You think she’ll beat me?

      • 67 erinkenobi2893 August 21, 2014 at 14:29

        Not necessarily, but I don’t know if you’ll be able to find her… You’ll probably need backup. But I’d rather see what she’s up to first.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:10

        Then, she needs spied on. Maybe we should send Obi-Wan?

      • 69 erinkenobi2893 August 22, 2014 at 13:20

        Hmmm… maybe. Or we could ask DS and then he’d be annoying to her too! :-P

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:39

        That’s actually an awesome idea! If we did that, Lottie would have such a problem chasing her! We could give her Anakin too.

      • 71 erinkenobi2893 August 22, 2014 at 14:05

        EPIC idea! :-D Let’s send ’em out! :-D

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke August 23, 2014 at 16:29

        How do you suppose DS and Anakin will get along?

      • 73 erinkenobi2893 August 23, 2014 at 17:00

        They’ll probably start a war.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2014 at 17:35

        *nods* It could get rotten.

      • 75 erinkenobi2893 August 24, 2014 at 21:09

        Indeed. But Obi-Wan’s there, so it would most likely end with DS getting whipped. :-P

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:34

        Obi-Wan might be able to control DS, though. If you’re calm enough, DS is somewhat civil.

      • 77 erinkenobi2893 August 25, 2014 at 13:35

        Perhaps.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:42

        ==[:{)+

      • 79 erinkenobi2893 August 25, 2014 at 14:18

        X-D

  8. 80 Julie Harris August 19, 2014 at 18:04

    Yikes! Roaches for breakfast? This one’s a cliff hanger for sure!

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:34

      Yes, I must say that’s rather a dadblamery and a few. Would you have had any?

  9. 82 icedmocha34 August 19, 2014 at 17:53

    Can’t wait til tomorrow!

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:34

      *bows* Many thanks, madam! (Would you have tried a roach?)

      • 84 icedmocha34 August 19, 2014 at 20:34

        Heh-heh…NO.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:36

        I bet Four would have!

      • 86 icedmocha34 August 19, 2014 at 20:37

        No, I don’t think he would have…He probably would have thrown them at someone like his knives.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:13

        If I was Tris, I would have cut his hand off when he threw that knife and grazed my ear!

  10. 88 Sonya Solomonovich August 19, 2014 at 16:18

    Haha the professor pulled a Mr. Ratherquite. I can’t wait to see how this turns out…

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:33

      I did? *laughing* Oh dear! Is that bad? How’d I do it?

      • 90 Sonya Solomonovich August 19, 2014 at 20:59

        By appearing at Fats Henry’s house uninvited. I thought only Mr. R would do such a thing. It’s hard to say whether it’s bad… nothing is as it seems in the Punchy Lands.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:14

        But I did think I was invited, I think. The professor is a warrior, you know.

      • 92 Sonya Solomonovich August 20, 2014 at 20:40

        I have no doubt about that. After all, the professor wields his katana.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 00:45

        Very true! And I have a white suit.

  11. 94 InfiniteZip August 19, 2014 at 15:31

    What kind of roaches were they? Sounds like an angry breakfast….I would leave .

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:32

      Zippy, you’d be quite right to leave, too! I’m not sure. Are there different types of roaches?

      • 96 InfiniteZip August 20, 2014 at 08:49

        I think so..”were they very big?

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:34

        Rather long, yes. Horrid!

  12. 98 Debbie August 19, 2014 at 14:26

    Were those LIVE roaches or maybe chocolate-covered, crunchy, dead ones?? If the former, I can just imagine the panic, with them scuttling around on the floor!
    Bring on Part 2, Professor — it’s not nice to keep us all in suspense (probably because you didn’t get a good breakfast, huh?!)

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:32

      They were dead, plain roaches, I think! Horrid. Would you have tried one?

      *laughing* Actually, I did have breakfast. But I had to hurry with it. That put me in an ill mood.

      • 100 Debbie August 19, 2014 at 20:58

        No roaches for me, dead or alive. Horrid creatures, and my late dad used to say they’ll probably be around forever.

        A rushed breakfast is almost worse than no breakfast at all, Professor. Meals should be savored, you know!

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:14

        Yes, they do seem to be…hard little beasts.

        I know! Well, dadblameit. I should do something about it. I bet Dallas doesn’t rush his meals!

  13. 102 FictionFan August 19, 2014 at 13:37

    Imagine DS objecting to a nice bowl of crunchy breakfast roaches! I’d’ve thought Ruber’s catering would have made that seem like a pleasant change. Breakfast meetings are always dadblamery though – never trust a man who wants to talk business before 11 a.m….

    So…what are you doing these days, Prof?

    • 103 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:27

      DS’s objection was surprising, I admit! Do you suppose I should have thrown the bowl out of the window? *laughing* Morning’s the perfect time! You can have eggs and muffins. Can it get better?

      *laughing lots* Killing myself editing!

  14. 104 Simply Skeptical August 19, 2014 at 12:44

    Fat Man must eat lots roaches to maintain his “fat”. Typical dadblamery in the house of a PL even if on Fat Man Island.

    It’s a good thing Mr. Magi showed up for the Prof. at least he’s semi sane sort of. I fear though this could only conclude in the most violentist of ways. Can’t wait to tune in on the morrow!

    Oh! the tale is spun so professorish like. Love it! Love it! Love it!!!!

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:26

      Of course! Dadblamery everywhere. He eats bunches of things. Even kites, I bet.

      Would you say the professor is sane?

      Many thanks!!!

      • 106 Simply Skeptical August 20, 2014 at 11:37

        Let’s just say he appears so more than the others. :-)

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:34

        Hahaha! Great answer!

  15. 108 L. Marie August 19, 2014 at 12:35

    I admire the fact that you put yourself in danger that way. But at the first sign of roaches, I probably would have excused myself, especially if they were sitting on the table. Still, as usual, Daddy Salami says what other people fear to say, but really want to say (or do).

    • 109 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:25

      Yes, the roaches were tough to take. But I told myself not to worry about them much. They were dead. The professor, though, wasn’t going to eat anything after seeing that!

      I know, right? I wish I would have. But DS could probably handle FH better than I could. Maybe.

  16. 110 Micah Kipfer August 19, 2014 at 12:33

    I’m quite looking forward to tomorrow. I’ve never spread breakfast out across more than six hours before, let alone the experience of reading about it for an entire day.

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:24

      You read about a breakfast? That’s neatio. Did it seem tasty?

      • 112 Micah Kipfer August 20, 2014 at 01:37

        Not particularly. It was roaches, and fell to the ground.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:27

        Goodness! What’s with the dadblame roaches, do you think?

      • 114 Micah Kipfer August 20, 2014 at 14:16

        An acquired taste, I suppose; though not acquired fast enough for my liking.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 19:42

        Yes! Here, here. We should banish them.

      • 116 Micah Kipfer August 21, 2014 at 17:19

        We should start a global extermination service together.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:26

        Excellent idea! What should we call it?

      • 118 Micah Kipfer August 22, 2014 at 13:49

        Probably something simple, like ‘Seventeen Crowns Global Extermination Service Unlimited’.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke August 23, 2014 at 16:08

        *laughing lots* You’ll do the remembering?

      • 120 Micah Kipfer August 25, 2014 at 00:36

        Of course!…and you’ll do the celebrity endorsements?

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2014 at 13:35

        I’ll try! Will it be hard?

      • 122 Micah Kipfer August 25, 2014 at 20:48

        It shouldn’t be too bad; all you have to do is consent to have your image associated with the service.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 12:32

        Do you mind if I put on a disguise, first?

      • 124 Micah Kipfer August 27, 2014 at 00:45

        Not at all! I might recommend an Elvis disguise. Everyone likes buying things from Elvis.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:55

        That sounds good! I already have a white suit, you know!

      • 126 Micah Kipfer August 27, 2014 at 17:34

        Yes, I heard. Talk of the town, that suit is.

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 19:44

        It is? How do you know about it? Wowawee!

      • 128 Micah Kipfer August 27, 2014 at 20:18

        You mentioned it in “Juice is Better Than Milk”.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:30

        You’re right, I did! See how dull the professor is?

      • 130 Micah Kipfer August 28, 2014 at 16:01

        I’m sure you just have greater matters on your mind.

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 17:02

        I also sorta appear in the Ripping Reviews.

  17. 132 PorterGirl August 19, 2014 at 12:21

    Oooh this is good! What ever is Fats upto I wonder? And serving roaches for breakfast! I was glad when DS showed up towards the end, especially when he said he only turned up for the food. I am looking forward to part 2. But, did you get anything to eat at all Professor? I mean, a man shouldn’t start the day without a decent breakfast.

    • 133 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2014 at 20:23

      I agree! I do eat some eggs and ham. (Protein, you know) But I didn’t eat anything there! There was some fruit. I should have. And there were muffins! But the roaches…do you suppose anything he had could be trusted?

      • 134 PorterGirl August 20, 2014 at 07:55

        Mmmm ham and eggs – a firm favourite of mine, too. An excellent way to start the day. Muffins! I always have time for a muffin. But if roaches were on the menu too I might be a bit suspicious of them. I am not sure I would have trusted any of the food, actually. In fact, I would have had breakfast before I arrived I think.

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 13:33

        Yes. It’s the safest bet, for sure. Less scary that way, you know. I didn’t trust anything. DS didn’t care, though. He’s a careless beast.

      • 136 PorterGirl August 20, 2014 at 14:57

        A careless beast – what a wonderful description of DS! I am warming to him, though. I like it when you take him to parties.

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke August 20, 2014 at 19:44

        *laughs* I think socializing him might be the answer to many of his problems.

      • 138 PorterGirl August 21, 2014 at 07:39

        Do you know, I think you’re right!

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2014 at 13:44

        *laughs* We’ll be forced to take him to parties now.

      • 140 PorterGirl August 21, 2014 at 14:49

        Awesome!

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2014 at 13:11

        Umm…yes!


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