Duels and Dastardly Deeds

So, this professor was on the march. (It wasn’t a deadly march, though.)

I was marching for my juice, and once I got it, I drank it.

The night party, or late party, was still in the happenings, so the professor looked about for someone to bother. (That’s how it’s done, you know. One has to bother another at a party; otherwise, the party is in danger of becoming boring.)

Ruber Salami and Manly-Man were having speaks, and I dropped the leaves. I mean, I listened in.

“Yeah,” Ruber was saying, “he’s been acting up again.”

Manly-Man grimaced. “Doesn’t you think you should do something about it?”

“Heck yeah!” Ruber shook his head. “But what? Catch this: Just the other day, me dad said to me, ‘Ruber, I’m going to sell you into slavery. But don’t worry. It will only be for a month, until I can get me tractor.’

“Oh my,” Manly-Man said. “That’s horrible.”

Ruber sighed. “Don’t I know it, eh? Well, anyway, I told him ‘no’, and that made him cranky. He’s still cranky about it.”

“Okay, then,” Manly-Man said, “let’s get him.”

Ruber’s eyes widened. “You mean tonight? At this party?”

“Yeah. As soon as that duel starts between Schwarz and Mr. Ratherquite…let’s get him…”

Ruber laughed. “Oh yes! Okay… How will we do it?”

This professor, you must understand, left immediately. I didn’t want to be involved in that. But…it was quite interesting, I must say.

I was heading away from the plotters, when Mr. Magi stopped me.

“Young man,” he said, his eyebrows raised in alarm, “something is up. Something dastardly is about to happen, and I don’t think the king of dastardliness is even here!”

(He was referring to Dr. Zauberer.)

I nodded. “I fear so. Something is about to happen. A few somethings actually.”

Mr. Magi nodded. “We must stop it. You do know why duels shouldn’t be fought, don’t you?”

The professor had no idea, but I took a guess. “Because someone could get hurt?”

Mr. Magi nodded and started to walk past me. “Yes. Duels can be dangerous.”

And that’s when this professor’s eyes fell upon Amelia and LottieOllie, not a fifth pace from me!

(They were really close.)


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154 Responses to “Duels and Dastardly Deeds”

  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 September 6, 2014 at 14:54

    Oh no! Both Amelia and LottieOllie!?
    Ladies and gentlemen (not you, Mr. Ratherquite!), there are now three plot lines up in the air. :-P

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 6, 2014 at 15:57

      *laughs* So, you don’t believe Mr R is a gentleman? I don’t either. It’s such a wonder, you know. Lottie…needs hunted, like we’ve discussed. She’s scary.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 September 6, 2014 at 16:04

        He may be, but it’s mostly in his own mind that he is. ;-P
        Yes, indeed. Maybe during the times, time and half a time when I’m not writing or doing college stuff, I can use my Ranger and ninja skills to stalk her and find out all her secrets and what she’s up to and if she’s in contact with terrorists, Dr. Zauberer, the Veezler, or ZeZ. However, whatever I find out may be published only on the condition that my identity is kept secret. ;-) It’s a standard precaution in Ranger circles and superhero circles as well (though why that would be important to me, I don’t know, since I’m not a superhero. ;-P)

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke September 6, 2014 at 16:06

        But…wouldn’t you want just a little bit of credit? Of course, ZeZ, the Veezler, and Dr. Z might come after you. Dr. Z would probably want you to work for him. He’s sorta like a lovable villain, if you know what I mean.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 September 6, 2014 at 16:27

        Perhaps, but I’d rather remain anonymous. I will probably still attain notoriety, though. Maybe if we made up an alter ego for me, I could do it and receive credit safely? I think my real identity could remain hidden if we had a cover identity for me. ;-) It would keep them from catching on to who I really am, you see. ;-)
        He does seem like that, a bit. It’s very curious.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke September 8, 2014 at 00:56

        I think that Dr. Z–with the right persuasion–could end up somewhat good. An alter ego is an excellent idea!

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 September 8, 2014 at 01:47

        Perhaps he could. I don’t know if I have the patience, though. Obi-Wan does, but I’m not nearly as patient as he is. I mean, I can sit still in a boring spot for a very long time, but I can’t promise to keep my mind on the material. I tend to go on journeys in my mind while in boring spots.
        Alter egos are a lot of fun. I had another one once, only I had to kill her off. People were becoming suspicious. I think it is high time I got another one! :-)

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke September 8, 2014 at 13:16

        Yes, I know what you mean. I’m the same way–at times. Other times, I focus like an otter.

        I agree! What should we call her?

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 September 8, 2014 at 22:19

        Like an otter. Otters are fun. :-)
        Let’s see… *thinks of names* Lannis Raeche. (The last name is pronounced “Ry-he.”) That’s one that’s been in my notebook for a while, and I never used it, mostly because though it should be Shendi, it’s not, and it wasn’t usable in a novel thanks to that little limitation… At least it will be used now! :-D

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2014 at 14:47

        That is a perfect name! Cool last name. Well, the first name is cool too. Do you have middle name?

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 September 9, 2014 at 21:56

        Nyve would be a good middle name. (It’s the name of a character from a Merlin fanfic I started but which may never be finished, and it would be a shame to let the name die too.)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2014 at 15:26

        It would be. You should write it down so you don’t forget.

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 September 10, 2014 at 20:50

        I did, already. (I know better than to just leave something unwritten. :-P)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2014 at 22:33

        Especially if you have a professorish brain.

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 September 11, 2014 at 12:06

        :-P Yeah. I have to get up and write it down if I have an idea in the middle of the night, otherwise I forget it.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2014 at 15:51

        Yep, me too. It’s a wonder.

      • 17 erinkenobi2893 September 12, 2014 at 13:30

        Yeah… I did it just last night with a name for the policeman Connor meets and becomes friends with.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke September 12, 2014 at 18:48

        And I know you’re glad you did!

      • 19 erinkenobi2893 September 12, 2014 at 20:59

        :-D Indeed I am!

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke September 13, 2014 at 18:18


  2. 21 PorterGirl August 29, 2014 at 14:19

    Dropping the leaves – I like that. I shall use it in everyday conversation, if I may Professor.

    Well this is exciting! I cannot wait to see what unfolds…

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 20:36

      You definitely may! I bet Head Porter would look at you oddly if you said it, though. The Dean probably wouldn’t notice. He might, though.

      • 23 PorterGirl August 30, 2014 at 08:10

        *laughs* Head Porter would be very confused indeed. He prefers plain-speaking. I might have to confuse him with it at some point. The Dean rarely listens, but I think he would pick up on such a phrase such as this. He might even use it himself!

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2014 at 18:12

        You’re right! *laughs* I could see The Dean pause and say, “What was that you said, Deputy Head Porter?”

      • 25 PorterGirl August 31, 2014 at 10:46

        Heehee yes! And then he would just carry on talking about something else (you should write my blog for me!)

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2014 at 19:00

        He would! (Oh, I couldn’t! No one could best you at that!)

      • 27 PorterGirl September 1, 2014 at 08:27

        (I am not so sure about that, you know)

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2014 at 13:56

        (Oh, but it’s true!)

  3. 29 Angeline M August 27, 2014 at 15:03

    How can I unpack boxes when there is so much drama going on in the PL?

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 19:34

      *laughs* I know! I would offer to help…but… Drama is problematic, wouldn’t you say?

      • 31 Angeline M August 27, 2014 at 23:21

        Yes it can be. And I’d have to refuse your offers of help anyway. Who knows who might show up with you.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:39

        What if I’d bring DS? I bet you’d want to meet him!

      • 33 Angeline M August 28, 2014 at 20:49

        I think DS would definitely be of help

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 23:27

        See? So I should come.

      • 35 Angeline M August 29, 2014 at 00:28

        Pack your bags.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 12:56

        Okay. With pickles.

  4. 37 Bethy August 27, 2014 at 10:06

    Late night parties… you know I’ve always wondered what one would be like. This one seems rather interesting. I might even consider staying up for it.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 14:02

      Yes! And I bet the Princess would want to stay up for it. The professor, on the other hand, should go to bed. don’t you think?

      • 39 Bethy September 1, 2014 at 17:17

        I think the princess would never go to bed until she just fell asleep standing up. In fact we have a picture somewhere of her doing just that.

        Other people should just go to bed including the professor!

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2014 at 00:59

        *laughing* That’s priceless right there! I wish I could do that…Hmmm.


      • 41 Bethy September 3, 2014 at 00:09

        I know going to bed can be unsplendid fun sometimes.

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2014 at 01:06

        Yes. That’s a very good point.

      • 43 Bethy September 4, 2014 at 00:25

        I am always an early to bed person though.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2014 at 12:27

        The professor is every so often, I think.

  5. 45 Julie Harris August 27, 2014 at 02:52

    So much for the Professor trying to avoid drama…it seems to follow him wherever he goes!

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:59

      Very true. And it’s not my fault! That doesn’t make me a drama…you know, right?

  6. 47 Susan P August 27, 2014 at 01:39

    Both of them? You are SO busted, Professor. Better make some friends among the cats.

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:58

      What should I do, Susan? I think I’ll just remain professorish. Or call MM. Would that work?

      • 49 Susan P August 27, 2014 at 15:47

        Well, that is the best idea yet. Bring him on.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 19:37

        I bet you’d take care of them too! Do you have any more big buckets of milk to pour on them?

      • 51 Susan P August 27, 2014 at 20:13

        Nope. I bestowed all of it in your sort of baptism kind of thing.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:29

        *laughs* Was that what that was!

      • 53 Susan P August 28, 2014 at 21:41

        Yep. And it kind of messed up the studio. I apologize for that.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 23:32

        That’s okay. Nick is taking care of it!

      • 55 Susan P August 29, 2014 at 12:59

        Nick is the original good dooby.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 13:05

        Nick is a dooby! *laughing lots*

      • 57 Susan P August 29, 2014 at 16:53

        What did I say?

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 20:39

        *laughs* I’m not sure!

      • 59 Susan P August 30, 2014 at 00:01

        Nick, that was meant as a compliment!

        At least, in my family it is.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2014 at 18:10

        *laughing* I must make it seem like an insult, though.

      • 61 Susan P August 31, 2014 at 18:32

        Nick, you need to do something about the Professor.

      • 62 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 31, 2014 at 19:21

        Do I have to tell you two that your conversation is…odd? Something needs done with both of you, I should say…

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2014 at 13:52


  7. 64 FictionFan August 27, 2014 at 00:10

    Good noodles! I turn my back for two days and the Professor goes off to parties with TWO women!!! What a flirt! Worse than John Carter! (Though hopefully better dressed…) I think Ruber deserves a bit of slavery though, don’t you? Is Dr Zauberer really the king of dastardliness? I wonder what Zez thinks about that…

    Juice. Orange. Fresh. But not with cornflakes.

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:52

      I did not, dadblameit! They happened to be there. It’s not my fault. Besides…I bet they came with Mr. Magi!

      Well, he might, but would you really want to be the one who owns Ruber? He’d be a difficult slave to control, you see.

      Overall, I’d say Zez wins, but he doesn’t care. Among the humans Dr. Z is probably the worst.

      Fresh… You squeeze it? I’m surprised by this.

      • 66 FictionFan August 27, 2014 at 16:33

        Huh! I suspect you only go to these parties in the hopes of bumping into the two Ugly Sisters… *mean, jealous face* Well, if you’re going to dance with both of them at the same time, I guess you’ll have to go for the Dashing White Sergeant then… (What woman in her right mind would go to a party with Mr Magi?? Tchah! A rubbish excuse…)

        *laughing lots* You make a very good point! Perhaps he should be sold to somebody truly wicked who could control him. (Zez!! Or…FF!! *starts a list of tasks…*)

        Hmm…worse than DS?

        *laughing lots more* OK – you caught me, Cheeky Chicky! I don’t squeeze it often… *stomps off in mega huff*

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 19:41

        *laughs* Haha! That’s a good one! The Ugly Sisters. But they’re not…sisters…or…well, you know. I will not dance with them, of course! I’m thinking of how to kill them as of now–you should know that! Dashing White Sergeant…that has a ring to it, doesn’t it? (Well, I’d go to a party with Mr. Magi–of course, not to dance with him, though.)

        What’s the first task? I’m interested. This would have been Darby’s life, you see, if Lizio hadn’t died after they got married.

        Yeah, he’s really not that bad. MM says so.

        *laughs* You’re so funny! It’s okay! Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s better…in a bottle anyway.

      • 68 FictionFan August 27, 2014 at 22:13

        Well, they’re certainly not glamorous – I bet neither of them was wearing a ballgown! No, much better not to dance with them – for a start, it would damage your image and secondly, I might be forced to beat you… Funnily enough, one does dance in a ring in the Dashing White Sergeant. (Well…yes…but…and I really hope this doesn’t come as too much of a shock to you…you’re not a woman!)

        Hmm…to brush Tuppence, I think. The second task would be to clean up the blood. *laughing lots* That’s untrue and soooo mean! Lizio did not die! And Darby enjoyed doing all those annoying little jobs around the home…

        A character reference from MM, eh? Hmm…

        *laughs* Thanks, I think! Have you ever been hit over the head with a bottle? *thinks mean thoughts*

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:36

        I don’t think anyone wears ballgowns anymore…or ruber slippers. *laughs* Beat me? The professor doesn’t dance. Period. (Only promised one to FEF, and that’s it!) *gulp* What exactly is the Dashing White Sergeant? (Parties are best with sports. Then it would behoove one to bring a guy along, dadblameit!!!)

        *grimaces* I think Tuppence would like me! No, it happened. You see, not long after the marriage, Lizio went nuts, and Darby locked her in the attic. Then there was a fire. Darby lost his eyes, and Lizio died. That’s when Darby married…Mary.

        Would it surprise you if I said I was in about 20 bar fights?

      • 70 FictionFan August 28, 2014 at 16:37

        Oh yes they do! Though I admit I don’t wear Ruber’s slippers. *chuckles immoderately* (Ah, but once you’ve danced one, you’ll be hooked…) It’s a Scottish country dance – more dangerous than the Gay Gordons but not as lethal as Strip the Willow… (*cold, silky voice* Is the Professor suggesting sports are only interesting to men? *picks up cricket bat*)

        *laughing lots and lots* Are you sure that’s what happened? I thought Darby fell asleep in a cave and ended up on Mars…while Lizzie became a ward in Jarndyce…

        It would stun me!! Are you John Wayne then? Or just a drunk…? *whistles*

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 17:04

        Rats and a Heifer! I meant ruby slippers… *growls* (Nope! I won’t be at all, nope!) Gay Gordons and Strip the Willow…are you making this up? *quizzical eye* (Well, sort of, I suppose. You wouldn’t want to play frisbee or football, would you?)

        Yucketh! Darby? Nah. He’s not John Carter! Very possible for Lizzy, though. She might even be a dinosaur.

        *laughs* No, it’s all a lie. Just wanted to see what you’d say.

      • 72 FictionFan August 28, 2014 at 19:07

        *laughing* So glad – ruby slippers sound much more elegant! No, I assure you! Scottish country dancing is kind of like taking war onto the dance floor – only the very hardy survive! And all done in kilts of course!! (*shocked face* I’m…I’m…gardoobled, sir!!)

        Thank goodness! The thought of him flirting with Dejah was upsetting me. Well, as I think we established, I like dinosaurs…

        *sticks tongue out delicately* Did I meet your expectations, O Naughtiest?

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 23:23

        It’s like a war? No wonder you’re worried about getting your toes stepped on. Though, I must say, wouldn’t one rather fight then fight by dancing? Just a thought. (I thought so! You wouldn’t.)

        I think Dejah would kill him. I know! Even those little ones that ate the founder of Jurassic Park.

        *laughs* You did! I wowed you with my feats!

      • 74 FictionFan August 29, 2014 at 13:46

        Yes, but once you’ve finished fighting you have to have a dance to celebrate. Hector was a great waltzer, I believe… (Well, I did used to play football – soccer, that is – but frisbee really works best for dogs, don’t you think?)

        Dejah would find his velvety brown eyes and haughty demeanour irresistible! She’d dump John Carter faster than the Professor dumped poor Amelia! Yes, they’re awfully sweet. I’d like to keep a couple of raptors as pets.

        Better than standing on my toes with your feets…

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 20:32

        Hector…how come you seem to know so much about Hector??? (You did? *shocked face* No! Really? Ultimate frisbee is fun, I think. Have you played that?)

        Hmm…I don’t think Dejah would do that to John. They like each other too much. She might marry a Thark, though. Raptors?! Raptors?! *laughs* They’d rip your intestines out!

        *laughs* I wouldn’t do that!

      • 76 FictionFan August 30, 2014 at 17:43

        We chat quite a bit when we meet in the skirt shop. (Stop being so shocked, Cheeky Chicky! I wasn’t always…er…21, you know! Anyway, I only played ‘cos my brother used to make me whenever they couldn’t get enough boys together to make a team… No, what makes it ultimate? Little razor blades embedded in the sides?)

        Oh, so it’s OK for John to be messing around with Phaidor and Thuvia, and any other woman with a pulse…but not for Dejah to flirt with Darby? Typical male double standards, if you ask me… Nonsense! I’d tickle their little tummies and feed them chocolate – they’d be fine!


      • 77 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2014 at 18:18

        Skirt shop da-huffy! (*laughs* Sorry! It’s not that. It’s just that you hate sports, and all. Forced into slavery, were you? That’s horrid. Though, I’m sure you enjoyed soccer.) Razor blades? *laughing* No…I suppose because it’s like the ‘real thing’. You know, frisbee, I guess, may be associated with dogs!

        It is not okay! Look how honest and upright he was! He didn’t betray Dejah. He was nice about it, maybe too nice. But, still, both those women were kinda…being forceful. *laughing* I can’t picture you tickling a raptors tummy…

      • 78 FictionFan August 31, 2014 at 15:57

        Oh…and the sandal shop, of course. (I was! He was so brutally cruel that he used to make me play cricket in the summer too. But my Dad was worse – he taught me to box!) The real thing? As opposed to imaginary frisbees, perhaps? Now there’s a game I might enjoy…woof!

        True, he was very upright…unlike the fickle Professor who fell madly in love with each of these women in turn. *sighs despairingly* I guess threatening to torture, kill and eat someone if they won’t love you is kinda forceful…I wonder if Rafa would taste nice…

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2014 at 19:05

        Boxing? No! How cool! FEF can box? *laughing lots and lots and lots* Oh, you must never have played frisbee! Though, I do admit, it gets a bit tiring–eventually.

        I did not, double-dadblameit! *holds ears and rips his clothes* No! Won’t listen to that. Imagine eating Rafa. How horrid of you, FEF! *laughing lots*

      • 80 FictionFan September 1, 2014 at 13:21

        So you’d better be careful…!!! Admittedly I haven’t practiced much recently. No, never have – I’m beginning to feel that ,my life has been a wasteland of missed opportunities…

        Did too! Admit it – you’re just a big romantic softie!! A fickle flirt! Who are you in love with today?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2014 at 14:12

        *laughs* I box! Or have. But it’s cool that FEF’s a warrior! *laughs* No! *laughing* Don’t say such things! It’s not true at all. Promise.

        I am not! Uhh…myself!

      • 82 FictionFan September 1, 2014 at 16:21

        *laughing* A warrrior! I like that! Well, since I don’t have a dog, I’m going to train Tuppence to play frisbee instead – wish me luck!

        No wonder! Imagine seeing something so c&a&f every time you look in the mirror.. I’m so jealous… (Do you realise that being a Fickle Flirt makes you…FF?!?)

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2014 at 00:54

        You are! Of course, I could learn you a bit…you know. Lots of luck wished! Take pictures too, please.

        I’m ugly! And a mess. That’s what Nick tells me. (*shocked face* Yeah! But…does that mean FEF is a fickle flirt?)

      • 84 FictionFan September 2, 2014 at 16:00

        You could! You could teach me how to hold a sword, and what length skirt I should wear, and all sorts of things!! She killed the frisbee and then she looked at me… *shudders* we gave up then…

        Well!! You tell that Nick he clearly has no taste – no appreciation of the finer things of life!! I bet nobody calls him fluffy! (I shall leave you to decide the answer to that yourself, I think… *multi-winks*)

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2014 at 19:30

        Yes…well, I’d get you a short-sword. And make you wear pants. NO skirts!! *laughs* I can picture this…

        I will! No…just “brute!” Well, then, the professor has decided that FEF is a flirt and is trying to make the professor one!

      • 86 FictionFan September 2, 2014 at 22:35

        But if I wear pants, the Scottish heroes will laugh at me for sure! Unless I wore tartan ones…

        Aha, that can be his new Nick-name then! Brute! (Of course, when I gave Bubbles a nickname he disappeared – sank without trace, in fact, poor Mr Fish!) *shock* Me? A flirt? Why – haven’t I been totally faithful to my Schwarzy?? And my Rafa. And George. And Josh… I don’t need to make the Professor a flirt – he’s a natural!

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2014 at 01:02

        Don’t worry about it, FEF. Because we can’t find any of those Scottish heroes. If they exist, they do a good job of hiding! *ducks again*

        Brute… Perfect! (I know! Bubbles is very busy as of now. I’ll tell him you miss him a bit.) Josh??????? Never heard of that one! I’m a natural fisher.

      • 88 FictionFan September 3, 2014 at 13:43

        *shocked, appalled, aggressive, Glaswegian face* You wouldn’t dare say that to Robert the Bruce!! I challenge you to a duel, sir! Claymores at dawn!

        (Miss him? Huh, why would I miss him? Miss a man who deserted us when he found something better to do?? Miss him, forsooth?! Trust me, when I throw this brick I won’t miss him!! *tosses hair resentfully and flounces off*) You just introduced me to him!!! Josh Harrison or something – the twinkly baseball player. Ah! Like a duck!

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2014 at 15:03

        I was just laughing over his name! Didn’t he betray the Wallace dude? The professor isn’t allowed to fight ladies. Huff-Hum.

        (*laughs* Oh! You hate him. I see…well…he’s…yes, he’s a deserter. A brick? Goodness that’s tough.) That’s right! But…man! Did he get on your list fast!

      • 90 FictionFan September 3, 2014 at 16:27

        At least he’s not called Vicious Jellyfish! But did he? Or was that just a nasty rumour put about by his enemies? I fear we shall never know. Huh! Scaredy-cat!

        (OK, not a brick perhaps – a cushion! Or a blancmange…) I’m a quick worker when I need to be…

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2014 at 20:36

        You remember that? Goodness. That’s not my name, though. Oh…so there’s question on the matter. But, see, if I agreed, I wouldn’t be acting as a gentlemen, and that would make me…less Darby-like, and you wouldn’t like that.

        A blancmange…you say the oddest things! Or maybe I’m odd. I’ve truly never heard of that before.

      • 92 FictionFan September 3, 2014 at 22:10

        Ooh! I could ask your name over on the ‘I will answer anything honestly’ thread…but that would be mean… *considers how mean she’s feeling*

        Well, Professor, that is a stunningly sneaky reply! I do believe… I really do… that you’ve won this argument! Congratulations!! (Celebrate hard, ‘cos it won’t happen often…)

        I would never be so discourteous as to call you odd! It’s like jelly but made with milk. You Americans probably call it something exciting like… milk-jello…

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2014 at 00:00

        Yes, you could! *laughing lots*

        But I bet you haven’t lost much before. You see, I bet you’d lose lots to the professor! I am a warrior, you know.

        *laughs* Yep, sounds like the name I’d give it. I can’t say the other one.

  8. 94 Jackie (Lostinthot) August 27, 2014 at 00:00

    Oh boy and wowawee! A duel! Or a fight or something equally punchalicious! Keep that dadblamery coming!

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:48

      I can’t help it! Hahaha. Duels are great. But deadly, you know.

      • 96 Jackie (Lostinthot) August 27, 2014 at 14:00

        Oh yes I do know! They wouldn’t be interesting if they weren’t dangerous.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 14:06

        That’s a very good point. I’ll see if I can’t get them to fight with swords!

  9. 98 Lady Cheetah August 26, 2014 at 19:46

    I confess. It would be humorous to see DS sold into slavery; however, the moment he is sold they will return him…and for free.

    Let’s get the duel on!

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:29

      *laughs* Yes, I think you’re completely right, though…do you suppose DS would let someone sell him? Maybe he would.

      But what about the blood? Shouldn’t I heed Mr. Magi?

  10. 100 desertdweller29 August 26, 2014 at 16:21

    Your eyes fell upon Amelia’s, eh? Is that just the grape juice talking? I do love me a good old fashion duel… Civilized society can be so dull.

    • 101 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:26

      Well…I just happened to look that way. You know she hates this professor, right?

      • 102 desertdweller29 August 27, 2014 at 14:20

        It can be a thin line between love and hate, PVJ. I wonder who would have won the duel?

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 19:34

        *holds his ears* Warriors don’t listen to such things, you know. Well, the last part of the story gets posted tomorrow. Who would you bet on?

  11. 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 26, 2014 at 14:23

    Wow! Okay. This is brilliant, Duke. I can’t wait to see what happens to DS….he sounds even more horrible than normal. Who sells their child for a tractor? Better be a red one..

    Mr. Magi is going to make you help. Get ready. Amelia and Lottie are together? *fuming* What do they want? Goodness, this will be a mess.

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:25

      Or a green and yellow one. I feel bad for DS. I’m sure Ruber is blowing it way out of proportion. Are you rooting for RS and MM?

      It will be! Should I shoot them?

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 27, 2014 at 00:15

        Oh no….green and yellow won’t do, Sir. Do you want a green and yellow tractor? This changes everything… *laughs* I think Ruber is telling it like it is and is always being used by hus father. I don’t much care for that, actually. Yes, MM will take care of his little buddy….I know it. MM is a softy sometimes.

        Yes. Shoot them dead.

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:55

        But…wouldn’t a red tractor attract bees? It’s a possibility worth thinking through. You might be surprised, you see. There’s been multiple times when Ruber has…kinda killed DS. MM is a softy? Did I tell you that he used to be married? Of course I did.


      • 108 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 27, 2014 at 20:03

        Red tractors and bees….never heard of such nonsense. I think not….

        I was keeping things interesting and you act as if I just walked off the plane into the PL, Duke. How rude!!! MM was married? No way??!!?? Did he drown her? Gesh..I had no idea? *uses sarcasm* (which I hate doing, btw)

        No…but I don’t like that they’re with you.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:27

        Oh yes! Those little bees. Sweat bees they are!

        *laughs* I must admit, I did do it on purpose. Forgive me! Or…I’ll think up something new to tell you…

        And why?

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 28, 2014 at 20:59

        I dislike those little sweaty bees. Those are horrid creatures, Duke. They like red tractors? How can they tell the difference? Aren’t they color blind?

        I knew you did, Sir. Just checking to see if I pay attention, I suppose. I am. Most things I remember. I could not ever not forgive you. You’re always forgiven. But tell me something new anyway…t’is my favorite times..

        I don’t trust them.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 23:30

        I think they’re attracted to bright colors, actually. But I’m not sure about it.

        Well, okay. I played oboe for a while and made reeds.

        Me neither! They’re out to kill me, huh?

      • 112 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 29, 2014 at 04:33

        Well, be careful around them, Duke.

        An Oboe can sound very cool. I didn’t know this reed making chore existed.

        That or tie you down. *smiles*

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 13:02

        I’ll try. I hate them with hate!

        It sure does! And it’s horrid. One has to shave each side of a little oboe read, without hurting the spine. (The part that runs up the middle of the reed.) And they always crack. Grr…

        I can’t be tied down!

      • 114 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 29, 2014 at 13:35

        Sounds serious!

        You’ve had to learn to be very patient, huh? I also bet you are one of the best at it.

        Can’t? More like won’t. *smiles*

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke August 29, 2014 at 20:28

        It is!

        Well, I quit after some time. The person showing me said I took to it fast, but…it was dadblamery. I think the oboe is going to go extinct. Don’t tell anyone I said that!

        Too powerful!

      • 116 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 29, 2014 at 22:25

        I believe you.

        Poor oboe…I won’t, but why extinct??

        Maybe. Probably. But they’ll try.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke August 30, 2014 at 18:08

        Well, it’s such a hard instrument to play. Not hard. But a pain in the rear! Seriously. Between the reeds that break for no reason–and cost a lot of money–and the oboe itself which can crack for any reason…it’s going to extinct!

        They lie dead now, though.

      • 118 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 31, 2014 at 05:26

        I’m sorry to hear it. Do you like playing the oboe? You should make it cool again so it doesn’t leave.

        Lie down?

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2014 at 18:59

        I did, yes. But…I don’t much anymore… You do have an awesome point there, Audith!

        I suppose they are. They’re buried now, I’ll bet.

      • 120 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister August 31, 2014 at 19:53

        I try. Thanks.

        For the best, then?

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2014 at 13:55

        I would hope so. But the professor can’t be sure, you know.

      • 122 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 1, 2014 at 17:44

        What’s the problem?

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2014 at 01:01

        I’m not sure!

      • 124 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 2, 2014 at 02:54

        Tell me…

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2014 at 12:11

        It’s dadblamery!

      • 126 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 2, 2014 at 13:48


  12. 127 Debbie August 26, 2014 at 14:00

    Oh, dear, this is interesting. Duels, eavesdropping, temporary slavery, dastardly doings — you’ve got the makings of quite a story here, Professor. Can’t wait to see how this is going to play out. It sounds like parties in the PL are better off NOT attending, ha!

    • 128 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:21

      *laughs* Yes! But I can’t resist. Do you suppose professorish eavesdropping is bad? I’m not sure, you see. Sometimes I think it’s for the better of the PL, you know.

  13. 129 The Lite Rider August 26, 2014 at 13:24

    Oh no! An even worse possibility, especially since Amelia stalks you, and LottieOllie is a merc. EEK! :) Of course Mr. Magi is correct.

    • 130 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:20

      Yes…what should be done? I shouldn’t go to parties, I guess. But I can’t resist, you know. Do you suppose Amelia and LO are friends?

      • 131 The Lite Rider August 27, 2014 at 13:31

        I think Lottie is Amelia’s mentor! :)

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 14:04

        *shocked face* You could be right! In which case…I’m in trouble, huh?

      • 133 The Lite Rider August 28, 2014 at 13:36

        Not necessarily. Only time will tell.

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 13:44

        I think I should bug spray her!

      • 135 The Lite Rider August 28, 2014 at 13:45

        That’s asking for trouble.

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 16:53

        Couldn’t it possibly take her down?

      • 137 The Lite Rider August 28, 2014 at 22:02

        No. She is not a bug.

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2014 at 23:33

        It might burn her eyes.

  14. 139 L. Marie August 26, 2014 at 13:19

    Yay! Now everyone will be involved in a duel of sorts, either a physical duel or a duel with words! So glad Amanda and LottieOllie are there to cause even more mischief. I wonder what either prefers (milk or juice).

    • 140 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:19

      It’s a good question. I’d like to burry them both, you know.

      • 141 L. Marie August 27, 2014 at 12:47

        Wow. Such a strong sentiment. You could challenge one or both to a duel.

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 14:02

        But that wouldn’t be nice, would it? What should I do, Linda? You would know what to do.

  15. 143 walt walker August 26, 2014 at 13:10

    Now I wonder which is less polite, dropping leaves or selling someone into slavery. Granted, it’s short term slavery, but still.

    • 144 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:18

      Rats! I thought I was being polite…shouldn’t I drop leaves anymore?

  16. 145 Simply Skeptical August 26, 2014 at 12:48

    Oh my indeed! These parties are getting more and more exciting & interesting. The duels about to begin simultaneously with Ruber and MM getting Salami. Whatever do they mean to do to him? It is Ruber’s father after all. He does love him even if it’s a love one could do without; hee, hee.

    Now Magi is on to them and as if this isn’t enough chaos who shows up? Yep! LottieOllie herself and Amelia and they’re CLOSE boot! EEKS…Run Professor! Get out while you can. (laughing)

    Oh don’t do that (leave I mean). We must know what happens and count on you to tell us. The suspense builds…….

    • 146 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 12:55

      Well, I wonder about love sometimes. I mean, Ruber might not have any. But he might. It’s one of those things. You know, the professor is heartless, which means he doesn’t love.

      I should run! But I was thinking of bothering them both. I mean, what do you suppose they’re doing together? Hunting me!

  17. 147 Me, Myself and DIY August 26, 2014 at 12:13

    Always in the midst of trouble. The professorly way. :)

    • 148 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 12:53

      *laughs shyly* Yes…isn’t it great, though? I’m sorta like a warrior/spy/professor/ninja.

      • 149 Me, Myself and DIY August 26, 2014 at 13:08

        Spy definitely…you always seem to be spying.

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2014 at 22:17

        Yes! Do you suppose that’s a good thing?

      • 151 Me, Myself and DIY August 27, 2014 at 00:25

        Hmmm…well, in the Punchy Lands it seems like there’s always so much craziness going on that you can only hope to protect yourself with some serious spying.

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 13:55

        Yes! Righto on. A good point. Do you suppose I should carry a weapon while spying? I’m not sure.

      • 153 Me, Myself and DIY August 27, 2014 at 17:08

        I’m a peaceful person. So I wouldn’t.

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2014 at 19:43

        But what would happen if a Kung Fu warrior jumped out with knives, katanas, and a bad attitude?

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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