Old College Meets the Punchy Lands

And so it was.

(I’ve always wanted to start some sort of writing off that way.)

Well, you may recall that this professor is good friends with The Dean and the The Deputy Head Porter from Old College.

And so it was that, one day, they came for a visit. We met up at Cashew City.

(If you haven’t checked out Lucy’s blog, do it here. Thanks, Lucy! Happy birthday, too!)

***

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“Greetings and then some more greetings!” I said.

And this professor shook The Dean’s hand vigorously, then turned and did the same with The Deputy Head Porter’s.

“Aha! My dear Professor!” exclaimed The Dean. “I do so enjoy meeting you all over the world. You are looking in fine fettle, I must say.”

Deputy Head Porter smiled hugely and laughed a little at the vigorous handshake.

“A pleasure as always, Professor,” she said “I cannot truly believe that I’m finally here, in Cashew City!”

Then we sat down at a table.

“So…”—this professor was curious, you know—“how are things going at Old College? I remember some sort of mystery about a missing key the last time I was there.”

“Ah, well, now here’s the thing,” The Dean began, enthusiastically. “The key we thought was missing, wasn’t actually missing, it simply wasn’t where it should have been. But then there was another key that was in fact missing and I can’t remember if we found it or not but we searched for clues!”

This professor smiled at his friend with some confusion, then turned to Deputy Head Porter for a more straightforward answer.

“It was all part of a cunning ruse by Junior Bursar,” she explained. “The long and the short of it is, he killed some people and then escaped to Tuscany.”

“Goodness me!” I gasped like a snake. “I always had my suspicions about that fellow.”

“He tried to kill me twice,” said Deputy Head Porter.

“Three times, if you count the poisoned breakfast,” corrected The Dean.

“What a ratty gentleman. But…but what happened after he escaped?” I asked.

The Dean and Deputy Head Porter just looked at each other, and shrugged.

“We just sort of forgot about it,” replied Deputy Head Porter.

“We have moved on to things of far greater interest and importance!” said The Dean, with relish.

The professor nodded. “Glad to hear it!”

And then, I fear, something horrible happened.

You see, sometimes, such dastardly things do happen, I fear.

We were joined—by Schwarz Tauptinker and Daddy Salami.

“Hi-hi-hello!” Schwarz said, sitting next to me.

The Dean turned to Deputy Head Porter and attempted to be discrete. Never an easy thing, for The Dean.

“I say, Deputy Head Porter, who are these odd-looking fellows?”

“They are friends, of sorts, of the professor’s,” she replied. “I have heard a lot about them, I think they are rather super.”

“Funny looking buggers if you ask me.”

Daddy Salami sat on this professor’s other side.

I was flanked.

And I couldn’t retreat.

“So,” Salami said, looking straight at The Dean, “I hear you’re a Dean…”

“My good man, I am not A Dean I am THE Dean and, to the likes of you, I am Sir!”

“And what,” Salami continued, obviously in a really bad and obnoxious mood, “does a Dean do? Could Ruber, me son, be a Dean?”

The professor cleared his throat. “Now, Mr. Salami, how about—”

“Shut-up, cur!” Salami yelled at me. “I wasn’t talking ta ya!”

“Now you are, chickit!” Schwarz noted.

“So, could be me son be a Dean?” Salami asked.

The Dean turned a worrying shade of purple as he decided whether to be outraged or appalled. It seemed that he settled on his more usual state of barely concealed rage.

“The very idea! The role of The Dean is one of carefully disguised intellect and subtle ferocity. A man needs a stern stomach and keen eye. And a love of whiskey, of course. Ruber? A Dean? Whatever next!”

Salami wasn’t pleased in the least. “It seems to me that you, cur-face, hold a worthless job!”

“Uh-oh,” Schwarz commented.

“How about, we all have a nice cup of tea?” Deputy Head Porter suggested, tactfully.

“An excellent idea, my friend!” the professor said. “And… some nuts! Nice, calming nuts.”

But The Dean was not to be waylaid so easily. He fixed a beady eye on Daddy Salami and puffed out his chest.

“I would challenge your understanding of the work of a great academic,” continued The Dean. “And also your understanding of the concept of a job!”

“The role of Dean is not so much a job as a…position of high office,” explained Deputy Head Porter in an attempt to quell the mood. “Sort of like, academic royalty, if you like.”

“Oh I get it–it’s a worthless job!” Salami replied, gleefully.

“Now, just wait a minute—tell you what!” Schwarz was looking at Salami. “What do you do exactly?”

There was a pause.

And it was quite scary, I must say.

Salami was glaring at Schwarz, who seemed quite happy with his question.

“I’ve done me many things,” Salami began to answer. “I’ve been a professional weeder, wrestler, knight, boxing champ, daddy, wrestler, boxing champ, weeder…”

And he continued on, but this professor wasn’t listening. I leaned over to The Deputy Head Porter.

“So sorry that we were joined by these two,” I whispered. “I do hope The Dean isn’t too cranky about the proceedings.”

“Oh, you know The Dean,” replied Deputy Head Porter, waving a hand dismissively. “He loves any excuse for confrontation.”

“He certainly has an appetite for it,” the professor agreed. “I don’t know where he gets the energy.”

“Whiskey, I think.”

“Whiskey would do the trick, for sure. Now, young lady, this professor is very annoyed that someone was trying to kill you. You should have told me; I would have come over with my katana, and cleaved him in two like a banana.”

“Thank you, Professor, but there really was no need. I’m fine now.”

“Old College sounds rather dadblame dangerous these days. You should think about arming yourself, you know. Carry a spear or something.”

Deputy Head Porter appeared to give this serious consideration.

Salami was still going strong.

“…military man, knight, dragon, rapscallion, mushroom—”

“Enough of this buggering nonsense!” The Dean interrupted. “What do mean, mushroom? That isn’t even a job. It isn’t even a vocation! Buggers like you wouldn’t know a real job if it jumped up and bit you on the kneecap. Or worse!”

Salami’s eyes went wide. “Do ya think being a knight is easy?!”

“How many times have you jousted?” Schwarz asked.

It was the wrong question.

“Knights don’t do that!” Salami hollered. “Noodle-brain.”

“Sure they do!” I said.

Salami stood. “Hehaha. I’ll see you later!”

And with that, he was gone.

“He’s so chickit weird,” Schwarz noted.

Deputy Head Porter laughed and said to the Professor,

“You know, he’s just like I thought he would be. But even better!”

“This is no laughing matter, Deputy Head Porter,” growled The Dean. “That strange chap there is quite clearly deluded. And very rude. Professor, you need to be mindful of the company you are keeping.”

“I should be, too,” Schwarz said. “You know, I shouldn’t be here with you all right now. Chickit no!”

We all ignored him.

“I for one rather like him,” said Deputy Head Porter

“You see,” this professor began, attempting to help Salami’s case a bit, “some say that he lost his mind long ago–sorta like what happened to me.”

“Hmph!” said The Dean. “I do not want him anywhere near College grounds, and that’s for certain.”

“So, how about some cashews everyone?” I asked.

“Hurrah!” declared Deputy Head Porter. “Make mine extra salty.”

And it was later, when we were leaving, that we found our cars wouldn’t start.

“Must be a bee in the engine,” Schwarz said.

It was, after all, a good assumption.

As our cars were being towed away, I thought I heard Salami laugh.

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230 Responses to “Old College Meets the Punchy Lands”


  1. 1 Susan P September 26, 2014 at 18:21

    No Punchy Lands – I think I’m going withdrawal.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:34

      Dear me no! Is it serious?

      • 3 Susan P September 29, 2014 at 07:40

        Serious enough. *sigh*

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:49

        I’m back! I think.

      • 5 Susan P September 29, 2014 at 15:16

        Like the Terminator?

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:15

        *laughs* More powerful!

      • 7 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 15:26

        Can you leap over tall buildings?

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:51

        Not in a single bound, though.

      • 9 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 21:09

        How about a short building?

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:00

        Alas, I don’t think so.

      • 11 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 13:56

        Shrug. It’s your life.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:13

        *growls*

      • 13 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 16:32

        *hisses*

  2. 14 L. Marie September 26, 2014 at 11:42

    You really should carry your swords around to at least threaten rude people who invite themselves into your private conversations. (Well, not Schwarz of course. He’s welcome everywhere.) But I’m glad this event was recorded for posterity. Well done!
    Off to find some nuts with a calming influence.

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:34

      I should, you’re right. Do you suppose Schwarz was innocent in the whole matter? He incited DS, I think.

      • 16 L. Marie September 29, 2014 at 20:20

        Yes, but he’s Schwarz. He’s usually harmless.

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:24

        And sweet.

  3. 18 Catherine September 26, 2014 at 02:55

    Deans must have a love of whisky? You learn something new every day!

    Oh, my. It sure seems like Daddy Salami was up to no good. I do hope your cars get fixed soon!

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:33

      You sure do! John Wayne liked whiskey, too, you know.

      My car never got fixed. Now I ride a scooter.

      • 20 Catherine October 4, 2014 at 16:59

        Scooters are rather fun, I guess, but not when you have to travel long distances. How’s it working out for you?

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 18:02

        Rocks throw me for a loop.

      • 22 Catherine October 6, 2014 at 14:03

        Ouch. I hope you can get another car soon, professor!

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:35

        Thank you, Catherine! Should I steal one?

      • 24 Catherine October 8, 2014 at 01:00

        If the owner wouldn’t be too upset, then yes! (But people are rather touchy about things like cars.)

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke October 8, 2014 at 12:44

        *nods* Yeah, especially if I take a vette or something. Oh well.

      • 26 Catherine October 11, 2014 at 02:03

        True. Perhaps you could motorize your scooter to make it a motor scooter? Then it would go faster.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2014 at 12:30

        Nice! I’d love that, you know. I’d be zooming about.

  4. 28 walt walker September 25, 2014 at 00:09

    A delightful romp by Madam Porter Girl and the old Osserfrop. Nice tag teaming – I enjoy playing the game of which line was written by whom.

    I’ve never eaten nuts that have a calming influence, but I would welcome such nuts into my snack time(s).

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:32

      Oh yes…we did trade on an off…could you tell? Osserfrop…is that me? A wonder!

      Multiple snake times? Oh no, Walt, that is dastardly.

  5. 30 The Lite Rider September 24, 2014 at 20:25

    Enjoyed this so! Happy BD to Lucy. One of the best parts (and there were several) was that the Professor was flanked and could nto escape! :) DS just has a way, doesn’t he?! Yikes.

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:32

      I was attacked on all sides! He does. Do you suppose he or the Dean was in the wrong?

  6. 32 Ms. Vee September 24, 2014 at 19:02

    Hello Professor, I had to drop in Punchy Land for a visit. I’ve been entertained while here. Take care of yourself. See you soon. :)

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:31

      Hi, Ms. Vee! How’ve you been?

      • 34 Ms. Vee September 28, 2014 at 20:25

        Hello Professor, I’m well. Hoping you are too. It’s been a busy summer. :) Nice to see you! :)

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:43

        It has been! Were you stung by any bees?

      • 36 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 20:10

        LOL. No thank goodness, but I was bitten by the love bug! :)

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:24

        Aha! Did it hurt?

      • 38 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 23:27

        No it felt fantastic :) I just hope it doesn’t hurt later!

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:28

        It probably won’t! You’re a wise lady, I think!

      • 40 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 23:31

        Yes I am. Thank you Professor Duke. :)

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:35

        *bows* Make sure to bring a katana just in case.

      • 42 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 23:36

        I sure will. Thanks for the advice.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:38

        *laughs* Of course!

      • 44 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 23:40

        LOL! It’s nice to see your still in good spirits. :)

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:41

        *laughs* I am! I think I’ve gone crazy, Ms. Vee. I can’t get my mind right. Ever since I lost my heart in battle.

      • 46 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 23:44

        Your mind is just right in Punchy Land. You are sane.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:49

        Well, many thanks. Makes me feel better, it does.

      • 48 Ms. Vee September 29, 2014 at 23:50

        You’re welcome. :) Keep smiling!

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:10

        You too!

      • 50 Ms. Vee September 30, 2014 at 17:10

        I will until my jaws hurt! :) Ouch :)

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:54

        *laughs* It can’t hurt already!

      • 52 Ms. Vee September 30, 2014 at 19:57

        Oh my. Not yet. :)

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:58

        *sigh of relief*

      • 54 Ms. Vee September 30, 2014 at 19:59

        Phew, me too. I was ready to run for the hills! Punchy Land here I come…..

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:50

        *laughs* You can stay in a cave, if you like.

      • 56 Ms. Vee October 1, 2014 at 12:06

        A cave! Um hun so that’s where the women are cast. I tend to believe insects are living there too. :)

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:12

        Oh no! For instance, Prince Beef’s wife is in a palace. That’s where I go at times. We could for bats!

      • 58 Ms. Vee October 1, 2014 at 12:14

        I prefer the palace. It sounds intriguing. :)

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:04

        It is! They make lots of sweet potatoes there, you know.

      • 60 Ms. Vee October 1, 2014 at 16:36

        Yummy! :)

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:23

        Yucketh, you mean!

      • 62 Ms. Vee October 2, 2014 at 12:41

        Yucketh!!!

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:44

        *nods*

      • 64 Ms. Vee October 2, 2014 at 22:53

        Just don’t fall to sleep while you’re nodding.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:41

        Why not, Ms. Vee?

      • 66 Ms. Vee October 3, 2014 at 22:02

        Because you may bump your head Professor!

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 17:56

        Oh, I do that all the time.

      • 68 Ms. Vee October 5, 2014 at 18:23

        Oh my. That’s not good.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 12:13

        I know! It’s quite bad and disheartening.

      • 70 Ms. Vee October 6, 2014 at 12:55

        I can imagine that it would be. Perhaps that’s a boost to your fascinating imagination! :)

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:28

        Maybe you’re right! I do wish it came by without being so painful. *thoughtful professor*

      • 72 Ms. Vee October 6, 2014 at 21:56

        What’s the cliche. ..no pain, no gain! :)

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 12:56

        *laughs* True…we should shoot the cliche, Ms. Vee.

  7. 74 Me, Myself and DIY September 24, 2014 at 11:52

    Loving seeing more of the Punchy Fam in on the act.

    • 75 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:30

      *bows* Thank you! Explosive story, wasn’t it?

  8. 76 Sonya Solomonovich September 24, 2014 at 01:53

    I like the way katana rhymes with banana!
    DS has just as impressive a resume as Manly Man. How did Salami become employed as a mushroom?

    • 77 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:29

      I’m not sure! I wonder if he was just running out of ideas. He was a woodsmen sorta guy, I think.

      It does! Do you suppose one could use the katana to cut a banana?

      • 78 Sonya Solomonovich September 29, 2014 at 21:32

        Haha DS is too funny!

        I suppose technically you could cut a banana with a katana, but it’s probably against the Samurai code.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:26

        It probably is. Plus, it might waste good food. You know, bananas are semi-good.

  9. 80 erinkenobi2893 September 23, 2014 at 22:05

    This was excellent! :-D SCHWARZ WINS!!! X-P

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:27

      *bows* Wasn’t Schwarz something? He stayed peaceable, I think.

      • 82 erinkenobi2893 September 28, 2014 at 21:27

        Yes, he was :-P

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:43

        But you’re sticking your tongue out at him.

      • 84 erinkenobi2893 September 29, 2014 at 20:36

        Yeah. So? :-P

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:25

        Well…that means…you’re laughing him to scorn!

      • 86 erinkenobi2893 September 29, 2014 at 23:44

        Oh, wait. Sorry. I put a silly face at the end of what I say a lot of the time, just without thinking.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:48

        I love that face! I’m just…picking on you.

      • 88 erinkenobi2893 September 30, 2014 at 13:34

        *pokes you with a chopstick* Oooh, can I be picking too? :-P

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:45

        *laughs* None of that! I need to learn how to use those things.

      • 90 erinkenobi2893 September 30, 2014 at 20:06

        *pokes you with Jack Frost’s staff instead* Is this better? :-P

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:52

        What’s his staff look like?

      • 92 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 12:04

        Almost like a shepherd’s crook, but more angular.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:11

        Ow! I might take my katana and cut it in two!

      • 94 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 12:23

        Jack would be able to fix it. And not with a sleeve or glue. No, in a way much cooler than that. XD

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:05

        Fuse it back together?

      • 96 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 22:06

        Yup. ^_^ It’s actually right there in the preview, only you don’t know what he’s doing.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:33

        HE seems not to play fair.

      • 98 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2014 at 13:32

        Jack? No way… He does too play fair. The reason why he can fix the staff is because he has a responsibility to protect the children of the world, and when that much is at stake we don’t talk about fair or dirty.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:47

        He has that responsibility? I thought he froze hands off?

      • 100 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2014 at 21:40

        Watch the movie. -_- It’s in “Rise of the Guardians.” And he just wants to protect the kids and play with them!

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:39

        Hmm…well…I’ll see.

      • 102 erinkenobi2893 October 3, 2014 at 13:04

        Who were you thinking of, Professor? Certainly not the RotG Jack Frost…

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 19:38

        Well, isn’t Jack Frost the same everywhere? I guess not.

      • 104 erinkenobi2893 October 3, 2014 at 23:01

        Nope.

  10. 105 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 23, 2014 at 20:31

    Happy Birthday, Lucy! Hope you’re having a wonderful day and enjoying your time in Cashew City. Cashews in Cashew City, how nice and with the professor no less, perfect.

    I couldn’t agree with THE Dean any less, tisn’t a vocation at all, but mushrooms are homes. I like The Dean he sounds nice, too. I think he must be very grateful to have Lucy with him in his travels and at college. I also agree that you should pay closer attention to who you associate yourself with, Duke. Those two can be so rude. *laughs*

    • 106 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:36

      Lucy keeps the Dean thinking straight, I say. I mean, if it wasn’t for Lucy, The Dean might self-destruct. Sorta like what happened to me. I’ve self-destructed, you know.

      Yes, I know…but…I can’t say no to friends, can I?

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 23, 2014 at 20:53

        Maybe Lucy could fix you, too. I didn’t know you had self-distructed, Duke. Did it happen recently?

        We can’t ever say no to friends. Wouldn’t want to, you know. I like your friends.

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:25

        *laughs* Oh yes…I have. No, it was long ago. (That’s when I lost my heart, too.)

        They’re just awesome…and so are you!

      • 109 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 29, 2014 at 04:20

        I’m sorry to hear it, Duke. Now what? Long ago? Oh, I see. Are you fixing yourself? (Was hoping you’d found it by now.)

        Aw. Thanks, Duke. You’re awesome, too.

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:46

        Well, every time it comes back, I throw it away. I’m like Davey Jones that way, see.

        *hides*

      • 111 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 29, 2014 at 19:32

        Davey Jones….I barely know that name. Was he a Monkey? Beatle? I can’t remember. Swiss Family Robinson?

        *picks the pillow up and throws it in the trash can*

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:23

        He was one of those detective ladies…what were they called?

        You just threw me in the trash can!

      • 113 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 02:50

        Oh he was not, Duke… he was a she? Really? Was he at the bottom of the sea?

        I think I would have noticed if I’d done that…*tosses the lid on your head*

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:14

        Yeah…he was in Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, I believe.

        Ow!

      • 115 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 14:20

        Oh!

        *laughs*

  11. 116 bardictale September 23, 2014 at 19:56

    Happy be-lated birthday!

    That Salami loves messing things up, doesn’t he?

    • 117 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:04

      Bard! I’ve missed you awfully! How are you doing?

      He sure does. What should be done to him?

      • 118 bardictale September 23, 2014 at 20:17

        I’m doing rather well now, thank you. I’ve missed visiting, so I plan to come over more often now.

        Hmm. Well, how about making a deal with him? Or to dare him to be nice?

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:34

        Awesome! *shakes Bard’s hand*

        That’s a good one. But what if he dares me?

      • 120 bardictale September 23, 2014 at 20:39

        Then double dare him!
        Also, never enter a battle you aren’t prepared to win.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:20

        So…does that mean always travel with two swords?

      • 122 bardictale September 29, 2014 at 16:14

        No, it means that if you don’t know how to use a sword, don’t challenge your enemy to a duel with swords.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:17

        Good point. Well, I know how to use one!

      • 124 bardictale September 30, 2014 at 04:15

        Wonderful! I’d’ve been a bit worried of you owned a lovely sword but didn’t know how to use it.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:14

        *nods* That would be worrisome, bard.

  12. 126 Simply Skeptical September 23, 2014 at 16:41

    Happy Birthday Deputy Head Porter from Old College!!

    This was a potentionally interestingly normal tale until the unexpected, un invited guests appeared. Poor ‘The Dean” so exasperating and insulting is that Salami. Schwartz is just the icing on the cake of folly & confusion. (laughing)

    Too bad Mr. Ratherquite hadn’t showed up. I do believe he and The Dean would have got on quite well.

    What did the Dean & the Deputy think of Cashew City i wonder? It must be beautiful; even though gloriously fattening, but nevertheless healthy. :-)

    • 127 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 19:58

      DS must have been in a bad mood-overall, I guess.

      Mr. R?! He’s a spicy bucket of trouble, don’t you know!

      Cashews aren’t fattening..are they? I hope not. Lucy loved it. And I think the Dean did, too.

  13. 128 icedmocha34 September 23, 2014 at 15:49

    A love of whiskey? Pffft.

    • 129 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 19:56

      *laughs* You mean you don’t like whiskey?

      • 130 icedmocha34 September 23, 2014 at 20:01

        Well, I wouldn’t know, now, would I? No one in my family drinks at all, though, so I hope to never find out. :D Oh, well, scratch that, my uncles do, but my immediate family doesn’t.

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:06

        Me neither, I fear. Oh well. Of course, you could just have root beer instead. That’s what I think the professor will do!

      • 132 icedmocha34 September 23, 2014 at 20:07

        Root beer is yummy too, but I can’t have that either. I’m banning soda and other junk from my diet, at least for a few years…Don’t ask…

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:09

        Interestingly enough, I do see the wisdom in it. I usually don’t have soda. Bad for the teeth and the exercise routine!

      • 134 icedmocha34 September 23, 2014 at 20:11

        Please don’t tell me you’re one of those weird healthy people….cos I just ate a cookie and now I feel bad… *starts doing crunches*

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:32

        *laughing* Oh no…I eat plenty of cookies. And cake! It just seems soda is bad for the teeth or something. Dadblame dentists.

      • 136 icedmocha34 September 23, 2014 at 21:18

        Good. *eats another cookie* Though technically it was your fault I ate the cookie in the first place coz you started talking about Italian cookies.

      • 137 Micah Kipfer September 23, 2014 at 22:54

        And the Professor’s mentionings are always to be eaten.

      • 138 icedmocha34 September 23, 2014 at 23:01

        Haha, but not people, right? “But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.”

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:28

        You’re quoting…a book!

      • 140 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 17:49

        A movie!!!! It’s Johnny Depp, are you kidding me?!?

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:19

        It is? Whoops…which movie?

      • 142 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:22

        *shakes head disappointedly* I am so ashamed…
        Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:28

        *hides* Well…I’ve only seen parts of that movie…

      • 144 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:29

        *shunned*

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:29

        Well…if I watch it, will I be un-shunned?

      • 146 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:30

        …possibly…

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:34

        Rats. I’m ruined for life now.

      • 148 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:36

        But you’d also have to be able to quote it “at length…from memory…”
        …you don’t get that quote either, do you? *depressed sigh*

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:38

        Umm…uhh…do I have to answer that question, please?

      • 150 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:39

        Movies You Must Watch:
        The Decoy Bride
        Charlie and the Chocolate Factory–Johnny Depp version
        My Family and Other Animals
        The Fault in Our Stars

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:40

        Oh dear. I’ve only heard of two of those, and 1 of the 2 because of you. That’s bad, huh?

      • 152 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:41

        Very bad. Go watch them!!!!!!

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:42

        But Fault in Our Stars made you cry! I don’t wanna be sad!

      • 154 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:44

        Truueee… Fine, then you need to watch the other ones! They’re really funny!! I love funny movies! And Decoy Bride stars David Tennant!!! *drools*

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:48

        Who’s David Tennant?

      • 156 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:50

        *gives up*

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:10

        You make me feel as if I should know him!

      • 158 icedmocha34 September 30, 2014 at 22:06

        *gives up again*

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:03

        Cruel, madam!

      • 160 icedmocha34 October 1, 2014 at 16:19

        *sigh* You need to get out more…and I thought I was deprived of social interaction…

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:19

        Well, but you’re instructing me in it all.

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:28

        Especially the fried ones, don’t you know.

      • 163 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:26

        You started it! *waits for her to offer him a cookie*

      • 164 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 17:49

        *quickly eats the rest of the cookies* I do NOT share food.

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:19

        *shocked face* I’m telling your cats!

      • 166 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:21

        They don’t share either…they’re pigs. :D

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:27

        *laughs* I’m lost. Not even a cookie!

      • 168 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:28

        No! In my family, you do not share food. :D

      • 169 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:29

        I’d starve, then!

      • 170 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:30

        No, you’d just learnt o get your own food.
        Like, the other day, my brother ate all the applesauce. I was really mad, so I got more and hid it from him.

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:34

        Well, I’d let you both have the applesauce. I’d steal the…all the pasta!

      • 172 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:35

        Oh, well, then I’d have to kill you…

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:36

        *laughing* Gulp. Isn’t that a bit…well, vicious?

      • 174 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:37

        No, not if you were going to eat all the pasts. You would be getting your just desserts.

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:39

        Now, I wonder how you’d do it. I just hide. That’s all.

      • 176 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:41

        You can’t hide from me and my pack of killer cats. Your death is inevitable if you steal my pasta. I suggest you be very careful.

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:42

        I won’t take it then. Just the cookies.

      • 178 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:43

        Ok. I can always make more cookies, but I haven’t learned how to make pasta by hand yet.

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:48

        At the holiday gathering, my family made homemade ravioli!

      • 180 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:49

        LUCKY!! We use the boxed kind, but my nana makes the best spaghetti sauce!! My uncle Pete did too.

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:09

        Oh, I love spaghetti sauce…now, I’m hungry.

      • 182 icedmocha34 September 30, 2014 at 22:06

        Me too! *begs Mom to make spaghetti*

      • 183 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:03

        Yes, yes. I could use some.

      • 184 icedmocha34 October 1, 2014 at 16:19

        Darn. She made pork chops. I think spaghetti is tonight now!

      • 185 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:19

        But Pork Chops are tasty! Nice!

  14. 186 FictionFan September 23, 2014 at 15:18

    Happy Birthday, Lucy! What a great present! Soooo jealous that you got to go to the PL…and meet Schwarzy, who as usual was the real star!

    Have a great day! And Prof, have a great break!

    • 187 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 19:54

      I wasn’t the real star?! *frightfully dreadful face*

      *bows* Thanks, FEF!

  15. 188 Susan P September 23, 2014 at 13:48

    Outstanding, Lucy and all. I’ve been waiting for this for almost a year, I think. I’m glad the Professor got around to it.

    What do you say to locking Salami and the Dean in a hut and watching them duke it out?

    • 189 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 14:16

      You’ve been waiting for it? But…I didn’t know about it until…just recently. How is this possible?

      *laughs* Would it get bloody?

      • 190 Susan P September 23, 2014 at 17:34

        I distinctly recall talking to you about some such thing after you visited England last year. I offered my thought that having Lucy interacting with the PLers would be even better.

        I am convinced that Salami would come out smelling like roses.

      • 191 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 20:01

        You’re right: you did! I remember. Well, I must say your memory is way better than mind.

        You have a soft spot for him, but you must be wary!

      • 192 Susan P September 23, 2014 at 20:50

        My memory is random. Never there when I want it. I know DS. I watch him with all four eyes.

      • 193 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:23

        *laughing* Where do you hide your other two eyes at?

      • 194 Susan P September 29, 2014 at 07:36

        The back of my head works well for hiding my other two eyes. :)

      • 195 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:47

        So…one can’t see them right away?

      • 196 Susan P September 29, 2014 at 15:12

        One can’t see them unless I reveal them. See?
        o-o

      • 197 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:13

        They’re different colors!

      • 198 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 15:20

        Very detailed oriented, aren’t you? How do you like the colors?

      • 199 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:49

        They’re great. Yellow and White!

      • 200 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 21:06

        Yes, I have tiger eyes.

      • 201 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:59

        Wow…

      • 202 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 13:52

        And I have the heart of a tiger. I am a ruthless warrior.

      • 203 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:12

        *nods* For sure, I’d say.

      • 204 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 16:27

        *Squinteeyes* What do you mean by that, sir?

      • 205 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:22

        *laughs* Well…well…I think you set me up!

      • 206 Susan P October 2, 2014 at 14:09

        I think you walked into it with all four eyes open.

      • 207 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:49

        I’ve got only three!

      • 208 Susan P October 2, 2014 at 18:25

        What is that other one I saw?

      • 209 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:30

        Probably a ruse.

      • 210 Susan P October 3, 2014 at 12:49

        A purple ruse?

      • 211 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 19:37

        What’s that?

      • 212 Susan P October 3, 2014 at 22:01

        I thought you knew…

      • 213 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 17:56

        *shakes head*

      • 214 Susan P October 5, 2014 at 19:51

        *blush* I’m sorry.

      • 215 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 12:15

        Okay, then. Out with it? What should I know?

      • 216 Susan P October 6, 2014 at 14:38

        Well, Sandra and Lottie were reaping them in the north pasture.

      • 217 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:44

        They’re always up to badness.

      • 218 Susan P October 6, 2014 at 20:50

        Are you sure DS didn’t send them to do something?

      • 219 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 12:49

        Would he do that, though?

      • 220 Susan P October 7, 2014 at 17:47

        The man is capable of almost anything.

      • 221 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 19:52

        *nods*

      • 222 Susan P October 7, 2014 at 20:52

        And then there is Manly-man.

    • 223 PorterGirl September 23, 2014 at 15:17

      I say that would be a splendid idea!

  16. 224 PorterGirl September 23, 2014 at 13:08

    Brilliant! I am overjoyed to have finally made it to Cashew City! Thank you for your kind hospitality, Professor.

    • 225 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 14:16

      *bows* The pleasure is all mine, I assure you. The Dean’s not too angry is he?

      • 226 PorterGirl September 23, 2014 at 15:16

        Oh, he is angry, but not about this. He is just angry in general. I think he loved his time in the PL – he does so like traveling all over to meet up with you.

      • 227 Professor VJ Duke September 23, 2014 at 19:54

        Yes, it was great meeting up at Cashew City! I mean…imagine! I know he’s in a vexing position right now. At the other college.

      • 228 PorterGirl September 24, 2014 at 07:12

        It is vexing, indeed. But then, Old College is a vexing place. He should be used to it by now.

      • 229 Professor VJ Duke September 28, 2014 at 19:30

        *nods* And I’m vexing, and we’re good friends.


  1. 1 It’s My Birthday | Secret Diary Of PorterGirl Trackback on September 23, 2014 at 13:06

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