What To Do When You’re Attacked By A Person

This may or may not be a true story. However, it is based on true events. Wait…

***

The professor moved stealthily.

Or, at least, I thought I did.

It’s hard to move stealthily when no one is watching you, you know.

It’s vexing, too, you know.

You know, the professor overuses ‘you know’.

Anyway, I didn’t get too far, before I was attacked.

A weird looking fellow, with an evil mouth and funny-looking eyes, said, “Hi.”

Now, that ‘hi’ indicated some sort of question. Well, maybe not. But I could tell he wanted to have speaks.

So I stopped, but I didn’t bow.

“Hi,” this professor said.

“I’ve watched you for the last few days.” A sly smile crept over his face.

“Did you notice how stealthy I was?”

That was the ticket: he opened his mouth and nothing came out. You see, it’s always good to say something that stops a conversation. That way, you win, and you don’t have to have speaks any longer than necessary.

I turned to leave, but he put a hand on my shoulder. “My name’s Jason Scott.”

“Professor VJ Duke,” this professor said. And I took his hand off my shoulder and shook it a few times.

It was a limp thing overall.

“What I wanted to tell you,” he said, “is that in a place like this, with lots of people, I still have my eye on you.”

“And I have both on you…but to be honest, I haven’t noticed you until now.”

“Then you couldn’t have had your eyes on me.”

“That’s a good point. One that I must think on. But I’m sure you’re wrong—overall.”

Jason Scott was getting angry, I fear.

The professor turned to leave again, but he stopped me.

“Remember what I told you.”

This time, I slapped his hand away.

Then I moved off stealthily, swiftly, and conspicuously.

You know, that last sentence would be better if it read like this:

Then I moved off into the night stealthily, swiftly, and conspicuously.

Only it wasn’t night.

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210 Responses to “What To Do When You’re Attacked By A Person”


  1. 1 Catherine October 4, 2014 at 16:56

    The professor handled that situation marvelously! I’m not sure I would have – Jason Scott seems rather…unpleasant.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 18:02

      He was! What would you have done?

      • 3 Catherine October 6, 2014 at 14:00

        I would have…..I’m not really sure, actually. I think I would have run away.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:34

        Which is a smart move, I suppose. I should have, too.

      • 5 Catherine October 8, 2014 at 00:58

        I liked your way better! It seemed to accomplish more.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 8, 2014 at 12:43

        Well, it was more…vicious, I guess. And spicy.

      • 7 Catherine October 11, 2014 at 02:02

        *laughing* that it was! It made it more interesting. My way was rather boring.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2014 at 12:30

        Your way was more normal, though.

  2. 9 Nancy Loderick October 1, 2014 at 18:35

    Well Professor,

    In extreme cases, one could always make a run for it. . .

    Nancy

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:30

      Definitely. That’s a smart way to do it. But…that’s retreating!

  3. 11 Simply Skeptical October 1, 2014 at 10:35

    Yes Professor from your complicated point of view I suppose you were the attackee. Dearly unfair since you are an innocent Professor. ;-)

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:08

      A completely innocent professor! Not a bit…vexing, right?

  4. 13 The Lite Rider September 30, 2014 at 21:33

    Love the disclaimer prior to the story – just like the movies! :)

    Professor, if I weren’t on your side I would find *you* vexing. But in a good way. So glad you slapped the hand away! (Do you really have gout?!)

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:02

      *bows* Many thanks!

      *laughing* Is it because of my answers? Sometimes I can be too professorish, I think. Yes! Well, he was attacking. (No! I wasn’t even sure what it was, until PorterGirl explained it to me. *laughs*)

      • 15 The Lite Rider October 1, 2014 at 13:21

        Of course it is your answers! :)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:09

        I’m so un-pin-downable, huh?

      • 17 The Lite Rider October 1, 2014 at 21:01

        Not that, though that could be true. It is the intentional vagueness and the associated dadblamery which is vexing! ;-)

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:32

        *laughs* That’s a superpower!

      • 19 The Lite Rider October 2, 2014 at 20:06

        It definitely is!

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:32

        *smiles proudly*

  5. 21 erinkenobi2893 September 30, 2014 at 20:39

    Oooookay. So the way to stop a conversation abruptly is to either 1) say something that makes them do a double take, 2) say something so obnoxious/insulting it leaves them speechless, or 3) both. I shall remember that. I will have to make up some good one-liners for my life as a secret agent.
    Hmmm… but Connor seems to be the sort to try to explain things rather than keeping it simple… it makes people see him as incompetent and then they invariably underestimate him.

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:53

      Which is good, if he’s an agent. Sorta like Columbo, maybe? I like #1 the best. #2 might get one a punch, do you think?

      • 23 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 12:04

        Yes, that’s true… who’s Columbo?

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:11

        He’s a detective. From an old series. You’d probably like him.

      • 25 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 12:23

        Ah. :-)

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:05

        *nods* I’m so old, you know.

      • 27 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 22:06

        I don’t think you’re old. The professor is timeless, remember? :-P

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:34

        *nods* Good point. Very true. I should have remembered. But I forget…

      • 29 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2014 at 13:32

        We all forget sometimes…

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:47

        *nods*

  6. 31 bardictale September 30, 2014 at 16:58

    Never mind; you don’t tell the whole truth when you spin a tale- that wouldn’t be dramatic.

    It was rude of him not to answer, though.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:53

      Yes, it was. What would you have done with him, Bard?

      • 33 bardictale October 1, 2014 at 04:36

        Would have been rude back and left at once.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:07

        No slap?

      • 35 bardictale October 1, 2014 at 15:16

        Nope. He wants attention, so he isn’t getting any.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:15

        You’re so wise…

      • 37 bardictale October 1, 2014 at 17:10

        Thank you. It comes with the critters and trainees^^

        The professor is wise himself, you know.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:26

        *bows* Many thanks!

  7. 39 Lady Cheetah September 30, 2014 at 16:39

    This is a good read…in its own professorish way and I loved the ending. Pretty neat.

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:53

      Thank you, Lady! Though, I think I should have been more vicious, huh?

      • 41 Lady Cheetah September 30, 2014 at 19:58

        Naw…unless you are looking to continue this story….

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:50

        Well, I wish I don’t see the bloke again. He was cranky.

  8. 43 John W. Howell September 30, 2014 at 13:25

    I think that fellow was actually from a different planet. He wanted you to take him to your president, but moving off stealthily, swiftly, and conspicuously stopped him in his tracks. Might have been nice to introduce the President to someone new.

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:44

      Is that what the bloke wanted! Aha! Well, why do you suppose he didn’t asked? Too embarrassed maybe?

      • 45 John W. Howell September 30, 2014 at 21:03

        Maybe the slap caused him to think otherwise?

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:58

        *nods* In that case, I may have been a bit rude. *sigh* But…well, he was vexing first, you know.

      • 47 John W. Howell October 1, 2014 at 12:47

        I would do the same. “Absolvo Te.”

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:06

        Ooo…what’s that mean, John?

      • 49 John W. Howell October 1, 2014 at 16:12

        It’s Latin for you are forgiven.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:16

        Aha! I used to know a bit Latin, you know. Back in the day. I was horrible at it.

      • 51 John W. Howell October 1, 2014 at 17:03

        Weren’t we all *laughs*

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:25

        *laughing* It was dreadful.

  9. 53 Simply Skeptical September 30, 2014 at 00:01

    Hmm. Now Professor while this event appears simple upfront it really is quite conspicuously very complex. How do you do that PVJ????

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:11

      Well, madam, I didn’t do it. You see, it’s what happened. Wasn’t I attacked?

  10. 55 Sonya Solomonovich September 29, 2014 at 21:34

    A very annoying fellow! You handled it rather well, I thought. So is this really a true story?

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:27

      Sort of, yes! A wonder, isn’t it?

  11. 57 floridaborne September 29, 2014 at 21:04

    So many “you know” for a professor. I thought profs were famous for saying, “uhm…”

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:25

      I didn’t know that! We probably are. Now…is this professor like other professors, would you say?

      • 59 floridaborne September 29, 2014 at 23:49

        A little more of a caricature. :-)

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:09

        *nods* And more professorish, you must admit.

  12. 61 L. Marie September 29, 2014 at 20:26

    Jason Scott, eh? And he has an evil looking mouth? Interesting. I agree with Hazy that he seems stalkerish. Surely you realize you have cause for going about heavily armed at all times. You have swords. Strap ’em on!

    • 62 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:24

      Right you are! But should I use them on this fellow?

      • 63 L. Marie October 1, 2014 at 16:56

        Looking menacing with swords might be all you need.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:24

        *nods* You need to teach me, Linda. I think you’re a much better warrior than I am.

  13. 65 Julie Harris September 29, 2014 at 19:05

    Limp handshakes are the worst! The Professor must be shaken up after such a creepy interaction.

    • 66 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:20

      I am! It’s at those times, Julie, I wish I had a shocker. You know, shock some life into his hand or something.

  14. 67 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 17:51

    Thank goodness it wasn’t night, because that would have made it all the creepier, eh?

    • 68 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:20

      Right on! Do you always carry a flashlight with you? I think I should. But I don’t.

      • 69 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:23

        No, but I always have hand sanitizer and a notebook and pen. I don’t know what good they would do me in the dark, though…

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:28

        You could draw a flashlight. I always carry a little notebook in my pocket. That way, I can write ‘dadblameit’ without actually saying it, you see.

      • 71 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:29

        But…why can’t you just say it?

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:30

        It’s a swear word, isn’t it? Well, I guess professorish swear words are just fine. But…everyone would look at me oddly! Should I just say it anyway?

      • 73 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:31

        Yeah, you should. I swear in British sometimes, and no one cares. Well, they look at me funny, but they don’t count it as cussing, I don’t think. :D Plus, isn’t writing it the same as saying it? Or maybe that’s just me. :D

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:35

        Good point! If I write it, I might as well say it. Do you think someone would look at us oddly if we said ‘dadblameit’?

      • 75 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:37

        They’d look at you funny, but not me because I wouldn’t say it. I’d be too busy cursing in Irish or something…

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:38

        So, you’d leave me to be laughed at, and you wouldn’t say ‘dadblameit’ just so I wouldn’t be stared at?! How cruel, madam.

      • 77 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:40

        Hmm. My bro tells me that all the time. And my buddies from church. I don’t believe any of you though. :D

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:41

        Rats and a Heifer! That’s not fair. You mean…you don’t feel bad…even a wink?

      • 79 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:43

        Nope. Maybe y’all are just too sensitive? :D

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:47

        You might have a point. Still, I think we all have a point!

      • 81 icedmocha34 September 29, 2014 at 23:49

        Whiner!

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:09

        *laughs* I can’t win, can I?

      • 83 icedmocha34 September 30, 2014 at 22:05

        Haha, no. I thought you would have learned that by now…

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:02

        Once hope is gone, what is left?

      • 85 icedmocha34 October 1, 2014 at 16:18

        Hope is never gone!!!!!
        I have this weird thing about hope…and an obsession with that Emily Dickenson poem about it. XP

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:19

        Oh dear. Should I say I know what you’re talking about?

  15. 87 lifeconfusions September 29, 2014 at 17:11

    Was he hitting on Mr.Professor? o_O

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:18

      No! Good heavens…I hope not. What should be done with him?

  16. 89 InfiniteZip September 29, 2014 at 16:22

    You know stealthy is like a plane that bombs….and watch that creepy guy, never trust a limp handshake, you know? But are you like a fox moving through the woods kind of stealthy?

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:17

      Yes! At least, I’d like to think so. Should I have shaked his hand?

      • 91 InfiniteZip September 30, 2014 at 10:09

        Oh my, it is the polite thing, but you could fist bump instead, or bow?

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:15

        What’s a fist bump?

      • 93 InfiniteZip September 30, 2014 at 16:06

        Does the castle not have Google? Even Obama does it…which I suppose doesn’t say much ….

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:51

        Oh! Well…yes, I approve of fist bumps. I always thought they were fist pumps. Is there a difference?

      • 95 InfiniteZip September 30, 2014 at 20:12

        Hmmm I will have to google that and see :) maybe?

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:52

        Maybe they’re different in the PL?

  17. 97 FictionFan September 29, 2014 at 16:11

    Did you tip-toe? You must always tip-toe when you’re being stealthy, you know, you know, you know.

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:17

      *laughs* How is one supposed to tip toe in steel boots?

      • 99 FictionFan September 29, 2014 at 23:18

        Get LR to give you some ballet lessons…

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:27

        I might break in two, if I try ballet. How about you do it?

      • 101 FictionFan September 29, 2014 at 23:33

        Well…I’m not sure if your boots would fit me…

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:35

        Oh… Well, no one can do ballet in boots. Wait. Do they wear boots in ballet?

      • 103 FictionFan September 29, 2014 at 23:39

        Bet they do when they do the ballet of Puss in Boots…

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:40

        You’re making that up! There’s no ballet like that. I started tennis, btw, FEF.

      • 105 FictionFan September 29, 2014 at 23:42

        Is too! Google it!

        What? Playing it? Ooh, that’s very cool! Bet you have biceps like Rafa! *crosses fingers and hopes he’s not playing it with a badminton racquet*

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:47

        Oh my…it is. I’m shocked. Or surprised. I’m not sure which. Maybe both. I still don’t believe it.

        Yeah…my trouble is I keep hitting the ball to far. There’s a baseball field right across from the court, too. No, I’m not…it’s a wooden racquet, though.

      • 107 FictionFan September 29, 2014 at 23:52

        You should go see it…

        *chuckling* Show-off!! The fielders must get very confused…

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:10

        Has FEF seen it?

        I wasn’t showing off, though. I was like quite embarrassed about the whole thing.

      • 109 FictionFan September 30, 2014 at 13:06

        Not the ballet, but I’ve seen the pantomime. It’s awfully good – what’s not to love about a boot-wearing feline?

        *chuckling* Never be embarrassed about your superior strength – it’s something all great heroes have to learn to live with…

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:43

        Felines are mean and are not to be trusted! *shivers*

        I’m just used to hitting the birdie so hard, I guess…

      • 111 FictionFan September 30, 2014 at 23:35

        Oh no! I think Tuppence read that comment! Run!!!

        *chuckles* Rafa must be worried sick round about now…

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:06

        I have time, don’t I? I mean, she has to cross the Atlantic first.

        Nah. I was watching him play Federer on Youtube, I think. Wowawee!

      • 113 FictionFan October 1, 2014 at 15:27

        Yeah, but she’s fast!

        Wowawee, indeed! They’re both fantastic players, but I love Rafa’s style…and the fact that he never, ever gives up till the very last point. They’ve played some great matches.

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:16

        *gulp* The sharks will get her, I bet!

        Who usually wins? Rafa is cool-looking.

      • 115 FictionFan October 1, 2014 at 18:27

        Poor sharks! You should warn them…

        Depends on the surface. Rafa always wins on clay, Roger nearly always wins on grass. Hard courts go either way. But Roger’s not as good as he used to be – too old now, you see. He is! Very! A lot!! *swoons a bit*

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:29

        I won’t. They’re too dumb. And mean. They deserve it.

        Poor chap. Everyone gets old–except FEF. Which is a wonder. (Rafa’s biceps aren’t near as big as Vin Diesel’s…)

      • 117 FictionFan October 2, 2014 at 15:52

        True. They’re so dumb I bet they don’t even understand the rules of American ‘foot’ball…

        That’s so true – and rather tragic. Perhaps Scwarz should write a poem about it. (Rafa had to lose some muscle mass to improve his game – he was too bulky. This is truthfully true. If you look at pictures of him when he was about 21 or 22 his biceps – all his muscles – were much bigger than they are now…)

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:56

        Hey! It’s more complicated than that. Baseball is better, I agree.

        Now you have me thinking that he’s slow. Horribly slow.

      • 119 FictionFan October 2, 2014 at 20:21

        You said you didn’t like baseball – I think you’re just trying to lead me astray…

        (Jealous!) Challenge him to a race. I’d enjoy that… *waits eagerly*

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:35

        What? I didn’t say that! *grumbles*

        Haha! I’d actually have a great chance to win that one. Now…as for tennis…I fear I’m probably the worst player since…the snail. Don’t tell BUS.

      • 121 FictionFan October 3, 2014 at 14:08

        Did too! Did too! Did too!! *stamps foot and growls*

        Ooh! Speedy, eh? And yet…still not fast enough to get out of the way of the tree… *puzzled face* No, you can’t possibly be worse than me – I could only get the ball over the net if I served underhand. Don’t tell BUS (though she was probably even worse!)

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 19:44

        Throwing a tantrum won’t help your case! If I said it, I don’t remember, and it was a lie. Unless…I could have changed my mind… I wonder…

        The professor is a sprinter! *laughs* The tree!!!! was behind me! I didn’t see it. Until it was too late. I kept backing up, as it were. *laughs* My problem is that the ball goes too far. I don’t understand. Rafa hits it with everything he has, doesn’t he?

      • 123 FictionFan October 3, 2014 at 21:43

        It will! It will! It will!!! *stamps foot, accidentally right on top of Professor’s foot* Oh, you and your mind – it’s a trouble…

        So’s Rafa! See how alike you are? *swoons* Ah, a sneak attack, eh? How mean! You should chop it down. Well, he does, yes, but apparently it’s because of the amount of spin that he puts on the ball that he can control the length…and confuse his opponent at the same time. It’s amazing when you see his shots in ultra slo-mo – the curve he gets on the ball. So that’s what you need to do…

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 17:53

        Ow! You did that on purpose, too! *growls* My mind is a trouble! (Nice word usage there.)

        Rafa’s hair is long, though. I should. But if I did that, it would fall awkwardly. Wow…I don’t think I should even try. *goes back to listening to some guitar music*

      • 125 FictionFan October 5, 2014 at 22:41

        Oh…since you growled so fluffily, I’ll apologise for the unfortunate foot-stomping. (*curtseys*)

        He wears it shorter these days – must be copying the Professor. Get Mic to do it then – he’s expendable. Perhaps if you tried using your guitar as a racquet…?

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 12:25

        *laughs* Deal, then. *bows*

        Poor Mic! He’s been on vacation as you might realize. My guitar?!!! You’re…kidding!

      • 127 FictionFan October 6, 2014 at 14:25

        Has he? Did he go somewhere nice? A trip back to the cloning laboratory perhaps?

        Well, since I never get to hear the Professor play guitar, I figured it might as well be put to good use in some other way. I’m not sure I believe the Professor can actually play it… *raises eyebrows challengingly*

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:38

        *shocked face* What if I bring him to see you one day? What then, madam?!

        But I told you about that CD, and…and…and…really? I just finished a cool thing actually.

      • 129 FictionFan October 6, 2014 at 21:56

        Goodness! You should…and Schwarzy! I bet the three of you are just so adorable together! Like Huey, Dewey and Louie…

        What CD?? (The Professor better not be confusing me with one of his ladies again!!!!!!!!!! *prepares fresh blancmange*) Unless…you don’t mean… you’re Angel??? *swoons like Mrs Bennet*

        *icily frozen tone* Oh, did you? That’s nice. I bet the people who get to hear it will be so thrilled…

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 12:59

        Goodness me! Should I know who those three are? Or did you just make that up for kicks and giggles?

        I am not! The Angel CD. With the Pastorale (however you spell it) and all those guitar favorites. You do have that, don’t you? No, I’m not Angel. I’m…

        *laughing and shies away* It might not be your thing, how can we know? Lots of classical guitar tracks and classical guitar drum tracks.

      • 131 FictionFan October 7, 2014 at 18:25

        Do you really not know them? I was sure you would… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ejx7UCHYeqM Very c&a!

        Yes, I do, but you’re just mentioning that to try to change the subject! Which will not work, Mr Guitar Man…

        Well…I can think of one way we could find out!!! I reckon I would be…predisposed to like it. And you know I like classical guitar… *sighs* But you’re so mean! *face like Woola when he’s been left behind all alone on Mars*

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 19:56

        *laughs* I didn’t know they had names! *laughing more* I like them, I think.

        Well…what was the subject? I don’t mistake you for anyone!!!

        *sighs* Look here, you just ended up on the wrong side of the professor–if that makes sense. You see, if you were on the other side, you’d know the music, but you wouldn’t know Schwarz. It’s a frustrating life, see.

      • 133 FictionFan October 8, 2014 at 15:01

        *smiles*

        I’ve forgotten…

        Ah, thanks for clarifying. I shall bear in mind that I’m not chatting to the real you then, just to a figment of your imagination. I always wanted an imaginary friend.

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke October 9, 2014 at 12:47

        *sighs and wipes sweat from his brow*

        Umm…no! I didn’t say that. How vexing! It’s still the real me. That’s what’s making it so dangerous as of late.

      • 135 FictionFan October 9, 2014 at 13:38

        Umm…I think you sorta did, my imaginary friend! But that’s OK – if you’re imaginary, I can make you be anything I like. So…how does it feel to look like Darby? And I think it’ll be more fun to imagine that you play the alpenhorn from now on…nice outfit!

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke October 9, 2014 at 19:44

        Do you imagine the professor with red, black, brown, yellow, or green hair?

      • 137 FictionFan October 9, 2014 at 23:14

        Yes. But not or…and. It’s…unique! I also imagine him with a dainty little kiss curl falling onto his forehead from his carefully arranged locks. And there’s not a single thing you can do to stop me…

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2014 at 14:10

        *shocked face* What in the world is a kiss curl? *gags and growls thrice*

      • 139 FictionFan October 10, 2014 at 16:08

        That lovely little curl Darby has on his forehead. It’s c&a…

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2014 at 12:23

        Fancy you liking a wig!

      • 141 FictionFan October 13, 2014 at 15:34

        Darby DOES NOT……. oh, what’s the use?!! Anyway some men look good in wigs…

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2014 at 22:46

        Like the professor.

      • 143 FictionFan October 14, 2014 at 00:48

        Hmm! Well…yes…

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 12:09

        *laughing* It’s a lie and you know it!

      • 145 FictionFan October 14, 2014 at 14:45

        My imaginary Professor is the most gorgeous man ever to have existed in the entire universe – ever!! He’s so gorgeous he has to wear a disguise so all the girls don’t swoon every time he walks past…

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:29

        *laughs* What an excuse…well…I could get attacked, it’s true.

      • 147 FictionFan October 15, 2014 at 00:37

        *nods* By slugs…

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:09

        You just killed some–nice!

      • 149 FictionFan October 15, 2014 at 16:07

        Did I? Must have been one of my new superpowers! Gosh, that could come in handy… *looks around for daddy-long-legses*

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:55

        Don’t kill them! They’re harmless and sweet.

      • 151 FictionFan October 16, 2014 at 00:18

        Ughhhh! You boys like the strangest things…

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:12

        Well, I bet they never bit you!

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 12:19

        *thinks about tackling FEF*

      • 154 FictionFan October 14, 2014 at 14:43

        Huh! Like you could catch me… *sprints like Usain*

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:27

        *shocked face* I didn’t know you could run!

      • 156 FictionFan October 15, 2014 at 00:36

        If you can be imaginary, so can I! You’ll find there’s big changes afoot, buster! From now on, I am giving myself all sorts of cool super-powers… *leaps a tall building just ‘cos she can*

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:08

        It’s Super-FEF! See, not even you like Wonderwoman.

      • 158 FictionFan October 15, 2014 at 16:05

        Well, Wonderwoman really has no taste in outfits! But actually I’d rather be Catwoman… *purrrrrrs wickedly*

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:54

        You’d definitely work as catwoman, besides that she has black hair, usually. WW just…likes revealing cloths.

      • 160 FictionFan October 16, 2014 at 00:17

        *dyes hair rapidly and flicks tail* Indeed! Not to mention the stars’n’stripes thing she’s got going on! Maybe I need a tartan superhero outfit…

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:12

        If you prefer that to Catwoman’s outfit. Though, I’m not sure what she wears. I do know she has claws!

      • 162 FictionFan October 9, 2014 at 23:14

        Oh…and a skirt! *chuckles and runs off*

  18. 163 lightthelie September 29, 2014 at 16:06

    Haha… if only it were night. This was awesome.

    • 164 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:16

      Many thanks! Yes…doesn’t the nighttime lend itself better for Bourne-like things?

  19. 165 LadyPinkRose September 29, 2014 at 15:46

    Professor, *sighs*, you still don’t have the last sentence right. It should read: “Then I moved into the night stealthily, swiftly and INconspicuously.” Using conspicuous with stealthy just is not possible. They are opposites. Tandamount foolishry. You cannot be one thing and the complete opposite at the exact same moment. Impossible, I say. There is one exception to this rule. You can be VERBALLY saying something that sounds nice but you can be sarcastic at the same time. Opposites. But that ONLY works when speaking, NOT moving. You see? Have I educated thee? LadyP

    • 166 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:16

      Well, yes…but, LadyP! I must complain. You see, some days I have a heart, some days I don’t. See? That’s what’s special about me. That’s why I can do such things!

      • 167 LadyPinkRose September 30, 2014 at 00:51

        Complain you say? Well if I may, you have no right to complain. I made a valid point, and it has no thing to do with the status of your heart. HARRUMPH! So there!

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:11

        So you agree I’m heartless?

      • 169 LadyPinkRose September 30, 2014 at 14:29

        *sigh* I give up. I no longer will vouch for you. If you deem yourself heartless, so be it. Resigning, LadyP

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:48

        *cries*

      • 171 LadyPinkRose September 30, 2014 at 20:50

        I’m sorry.

      • 172 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:54

        Hector didn’t have a heart!

      • 173 LadyPinkRose October 1, 2014 at 16:19

        *pffft*

  20. 174 Susan P September 29, 2014 at 15:25

    I’m guessing that your long absence is due to getting muddled in the forest?

    • 175 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:15

      *nods* In a booth actually.

      • 176 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 15:16

        Propaganda?

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:49

        Audio!

      • 178 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 21:05

        Well, yeah. I hope all went well.

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:58

        It did! Thank you. *laughs* There was a funny moment.

      • 180 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 13:51

        Funny haha or funny oopsie? Or both?

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:12

        Both, I’d say!

  21. 182 walt walker September 29, 2014 at 13:30

    I like your strategy of stopping the speaks before they start. But I’ve found that works best on people who aren’t so bad to have speaks with, and doesn’t work so well with those who are very bad to have speaks with. It has to do with social cues, and how to respond to them, you see.

    • 183 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:59

      Well, then, should I have just walked by this fellow? It’s doubtful either way. I mean…he probably would have chased me, huh?

      • 184 walt walker September 29, 2014 at 17:05

        Oh, you did fine. Plus, he caught you unawares while you were attempting stealth, which is unkind. I’m just saying that certain elements don’t respond as we would like to such attempts at shut down. He would have got you one way or another. Sooner or later, you know.

      • 185 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:18

        *nods* I should have put my cigarette butt out on his cheek, I guess.

  22. 186 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 29, 2014 at 13:21

    I think you handled yourself just right, Duke. I do wonder why he’s watching you and if he is going to try and kill you. You should move, I think. Jason Scott is too nice a name for someone so meanish. Be careful…sick Nicholas on him. I could come up from Texas and stalk him for you, but Nick is closer.

    I do enjoy these snipits into your day. I like how you tell a story…
    Welcome back!!

    • 187 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:59

      I was thinking about how you’d want me to handle it while I was handling it! You know, I wanted to do something mean. He had the Hector blood going, you know. But there was lots of people so I had to behave. Yes…come up and bring Mr. Warrior to dispatch him, please.

      Aw, thanks, Audith! Good to be back.

      • 188 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 29, 2014 at 19:35

        You were…aw. * sparkles brightly* Well, I think you did just right. Next time you see him. Punch him, though. Hard. What does he want from you. I’m feeling a bit protective today. *gives the stink eye* Mr. Warrior may devise a devilish plan, you know. Something with marbles, probably.

        *smiles*

      • 189 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:23

        Punch him?! How about a knife to the gut? You know, I love marbles. Aren’t they nice?

      • 190 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 02:52

        Wow. He must have really upset you, Duketh. You sound so sure he deserves that knife, you know. Well, marbles are fun to look at, I suppose. Before one breaks them with a hammer, all in the name of art.

      • 191 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:14

        I didn’t know one could break them with a hammer! How fun. I must try now.

        Well…I could have flipped him…would that have been better?

      • 192 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 14:20

        Sounds like a mean thing to do.

        Yes, showing off your muscles is better, I think.

      • 193 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:46

        Yeah, you might be right.

        Oh dear…

      • 194 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 20:55

        He deserves everything he gets, Duke. Make him pay… *serious eyes*

        Oh, calm down! *walks home*

      • 195 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:56

        Isn’t the professor always calm?

        Poor chap.

      • 196 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 1, 2014 at 13:40

        Incessantly so.

  23. 197 Hazy September 29, 2014 at 13:19

    You know, this Jason Scott fella sounds a tad stalker-ish, and ominous.

    Maybe he is bored at home so he is watching others? He prolly needs a hobby! What kind of hobby, I wonder… (nothing with binoculars, I think!)

    • 198 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:58

      He is a bit disconcerting. I should get Weatherly to watch him, I think.

      *laughs* How about mushroom hunting? Or…I know! Lollipop eating!

      • 199 Hazy October 7, 2014 at 11:41

        Lollipop eating sounds good for him. *laughs* Any dentists in PL?

      • 200 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 13:05

        Oh sure. There’s dentist here and there. But…not sure I’d trust them, you know!

  24. 201 Alastair Savage September 29, 2014 at 12:13

    I think you can have your eye on someone without actually seeing them. I do it all the time …

    • 202 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:50

      An interest! How’s this done, Alastair? I’d love to master the art of it.

  25. 203 PorterGirl September 29, 2014 at 12:03

    This is very good advice for being attacked. This Jason Scott fellow seems very unpleasant. I wouldn’t want to bump into him in the day or the night. Someone needs to give him a good spanking.

    • 204 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 14:50

      *nods* Yes, he’s one that I think you could deal wonderfully with, Lucy. You know, maybe lure him with muffins or something, then give him a nice, friendly whack. It’s for his own good, you see.

      • 205 PorterGirl September 29, 2014 at 15:11

        *nods in agreement* I like your thinking, Professor. Someone needs to take him to task and I could be the girl to do it. I shall begin baking muffins this instant and prepare my whcking arm.

      • 206 Professor VJ Duke September 29, 2014 at 23:13

        Yes! Make a few cherry ones for the professor, please. Helps with my gout.

      • 207 PorterGirl September 30, 2014 at 07:18

        Certianly, Professor. I shall make the cheery ones the biggest. The Dean suffers with gout, I believe, maybe I should make him one too.

      • 208 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:14

        (What is gout, Lucy?)

      • 209 PorterGirl September 30, 2014 at 12:20

        (*laughs* it is a painful condition, usually in the foot or toes, where the affected area swells up. It is caused by too much ‘good living’ – whiskey, red meat and rich foods etc. My Grandfather gets it too)

      • 210 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:41

        Oh! Thanks. I’ve always wondered about it. Now I see why the Dean gets it!


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