Good Poetry and Bad Poetry

The professor is never nervous–but I was quite apprehensive the sudden.

I cleared my voice–about thrice–stood tall, and began to read:

“Sausages.

“Frankfurters.

“Dogs that are hot.

“Mustards and relish, onions and cheese.

“These are not poetic words.

“But they are.

“Like poetry.

“For my belly.”

There was a stunned silence in the room.

I should explain a bit. You see, Mr. Walt Walker and I have been on the hunt for the worst poet in the PL (Punchy Lands). And, Mr. Walker found a fellow named Dick Hercules, who wrote the…poem I just read aloud in front of a few PL’ers.

I shouldn’t have.

“That was the worst poem ever,” Daddy Salami mumbled.

“Let me hope–hope, hope, hope,” Fats Henry began, “that you didn’t write it! If you did, your worth just dropped in my estimation.”

V. Shnodgrate was also there. Which made things even worse.

He just shook his head and played with his sleeves.

Of course Shnodgrate was here. This was his class and he was teaching…poetry, I guess.

“Wow,” Schwarz Tauptinker said. “That was rather nice. I like the Frankfurters part.”

“Shut-up, cur!” Salami yelled.

Now the whole goal of reading that poem for V. Shnodgrate was to get him to say it was the worst poetry ever. If he said that, then we have succeeded: we’ve found the worst poet in the PL.

And V. Shnodgrate thought about it for a second. Then he said, “It’s really bad, but Schwarz’s was the worst. Would you read it again for us, Schwarz?”

“Yep.” And Schwarz stood and began:

“Sometimes…

“Oh, chickit, yeah…

“Hello and a goodnight.”

We’ve been foiled! But I’m sure Dick Hercules could do worse! Way worse.

I think that should be “Much worse”.

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174 Responses to “Good Poetry and Bad Poetry”


  1. 1 Hazy October 7, 2014 at 11:47

    That was quite an interesting poem. Not so bad, I think. Though it made me a bit hungry. Then Hungarian sausage popped in my head. I liked the mustards and relish part… and cheeeeese.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 13:06

      Me too! It made me sorta hungry. Though, can’t say I like hot dogs!

  2. 3 Catherine October 4, 2014 at 16:51

    The poem was…creative. And better than Schwarz’s!

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 18:02

      Poor Schwarz! You must’ve liked something about his poem!

      • 5 Catherine October 6, 2014 at 13:59

        I liked the brevity of it! It was short and refreshing, I suppose, but rather dull.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:34

        Dull is a good word. It just lacked…anything.

  3. 7 Lady Cheetah October 1, 2014 at 20:53

    Dick Hercules, eh? Darn shame he has to live with that name.

    That was a stunning poem…for the belly that is. LoL!

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:32

      *laughing* Yes…well, Hercules isn’t half bad, is it?

      I agree. Made me think I like hot dogs.

      • 9 Lady Cheetah October 4, 2014 at 17:24

        Hercules is cool.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 18:03

        Yes…maybe. Dumb, too, you know.

  4. 11 L. Marie October 1, 2014 at 16:58

    That poem made me hungry for a sausage of some kind. And since the goal of a poem is to connect with the senses of a reader or listener, well, that kind of makes it a good poem, wouldn’t you say?

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:24

      *stunned silence* You do have an awesome point. Dick did do what he was about. I’d say, though, it’s a new type of poem. To poem.

  5. 13 Simply Skeptical September 30, 2014 at 22:53

    Hee, hee, hee, good old Schwarz comes through again with flying colors what a guy! Didn’t know there was such talented poets in the PL. (Laughing)

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:04

      *laughs* Schwarz surprised us all, it’s safe to say.

  6. 15 icedmocha34 September 30, 2014 at 22:12

    Should your worth drop just because you write crappy poems? Because I can’t write poems to save my life…. o.O Now I feel bad!

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:04

      *laughs* Well, I can’t either, but you sure can write good stories! Shnod would probably say your worth does drop, but he’s a cranky old poet, so of course he’d say that! (You know, Shnod liked the Fault in Our Stars.)

      • 17 icedmocha34 October 1, 2014 at 16:20

        GASP! ALL I SAW WAS LIKED THE FAULT IN OUR STARS!!!! *flips out* YESSSSSHHHH!!!!!

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:20

        *laughs* Yes, he did. He was quite saddened by it too, you know. I think he liked the author guy.

  7. 19 The Lite Rider September 30, 2014 at 21:24

    Dick H. is what poetry should be – fun! Ha, ha I love what Schnod did. And of course DS cut to the chase with his comment .

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:01

      *laughs* DS is always a bit rude, but very honest. Dick’s poem is growing on me. I wonder how he’d write about ice cream?

      • 21 The Lite Rider October 1, 2014 at 13:21

        Hmmm, that could be interesting, what with all the different flavors and toppings — and uses. ;-)

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:09

        *nods* Cherry ice cream would be nice!

  8. 23 erinkenobi2893 September 30, 2014 at 20:40

    Schwarz isn’t actually that bad. Dick Hercules is, though. He is HORRIBLE.

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:54

      It didn’t make you want to have a hot dog?

      • 25 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 12:04

        Nah. :-P If anything does, it’s lighting the grill.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:11

        Which maybe is a step in the right direction. I don’t really like hot dogs.

      • 27 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 12:23

        I like bratwurst better than hot dogs. The hot dogs (and especially the hot dog buns!) have a weird aftertaste.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:05

        *fist pump* Definitely! I’m right with you. How about hamburgers?

      • 29 erinkenobi2893 October 1, 2014 at 22:07

        Mm… if they’re done right. Say, homemade. ;-)

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:34

        *nods* Usually the only way.

      • 31 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2014 at 13:36

        Yes, indeed. ^_^ I know several things we could never get at a restaurant. I think fried chicken and some Chinese are the only real exception… (we’ve never been able to get fried chicken down pat.)

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:49

        Fried chicken is hard. And Chinese is too.

      • 33 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2014 at 21:40

        Not that hard, though… not always.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:40

        Now that’s an interest.

      • 35 erinkenobi2893 October 3, 2014 at 13:04

        Chinese and/or Thai cuisine, I mean… mmm… Thai food…

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 19:39

        *suddenly hungry*

      • 37 erinkenobi2893 October 3, 2014 at 23:01

        I know the feeling… *sigh*

  9. 38 Debbie September 30, 2014 at 18:00

    I think we’d better define what is meant by “worse.” While Schwarz’s poem is certainly shorter, I think it’s worse. It really doesn’t *say* anything. Mr. Hercules’s rendition, however, rather feeds the spirit. I mean, it paints word pictures, and one can almost taste those dogs at a picnic or something! But why did you have to read Mr. Hercules’s poem, Professor??

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:55

      Well, I wanted to see what Shnod thought of it. You see, he’s the foremost poet in the PL. Walt and I are trying to prove that Dick writes the worst poetry…but it’s not working quite right. I mean, Dick’s style is kinda cool, isn’t it?

  10. 40 bardictale September 30, 2014 at 16:47

    Poetry is like art; we can’t agree on what defines a good one.

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:53

      Bard! So sensical and always right. Very true. But…well, what about poetry competitions then?

      • 42 bardictale October 1, 2014 at 04:36

        Oh, you can compare…that is why you have a board of judges^~

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:07

        But, Bard, doesn’t each judge compare?

      • 44 bardictale October 1, 2014 at 15:16

        Yes. And then the loudest one wins.

        At least, that’s how it works some places…

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:14

        *shakes head* Not fair, Bard.

      • 46 bardictale October 1, 2014 at 17:09

        I’m confused, professor. What isn’t fair?

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:25

        Well, that each individual judge gets to decide.

      • 48 bardictale October 3, 2014 at 11:28

        That’s how a jury works. Each one decides on his own, then you vote.

        How would you do it?

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:42

        Just let the professor decide?

      • 50 bardictale October 4, 2014 at 17:37

        Would you really be the judge in every high school poetry battle? And all over the world? How would you DO that?

        Do you have superpowers you never told us about? *narrowed eyes*

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 18:03

        Well, Bard, couldn’t they do some sort of web cam or something? I’d be important!

        Perhaps. Do you suppose so?

      • 52 bardictale October 6, 2014 at 16:03

        Sure, but that’s still too many competitions that you’ll be over seeing.

        Anything is possible, I think.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:48

        Well…you could help me, if you’d like, Bard.

      • 54 bardictale October 6, 2014 at 20:08

        I could, but still…we’re only two people, and I’m a bartender and a diviner. How would we accomplish such a feat?

        Do you have a duplicator machine?

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 12:47

        But, Bard, if you’re a diviner, in truth, you should be able to handle it right?

        Alas. NO.

      • 56 bardictale October 7, 2014 at 15:44

        I think you’ve got me confused with a master of the arcane; alas, I can only predict the possible future of a requested path.

        That’s a shame. I could’ve used it right about now.

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 19:48

        Why do you need to duplicate?

      • 58 bardictale October 7, 2014 at 20:57

        To be in a few places at once, of course.

        Also, handy in completing things faster.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke October 8, 2014 at 12:38

        Yes…but imagine how confusing it’d get.

      • 60 bardictale October 10, 2014 at 09:42

        I’ll number myself:-)

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke October 10, 2014 at 14:12

        *laughs*

  11. 62 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 16:00

    Funny noises indeed. Frankly, I liked Mr. Schwarz’s poem better. It was shorter.

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:51

      So, the less the dadblamery the better?

      • 64 Susan P September 30, 2014 at 21:10

        No, not at all. It’s just that a shorter poem is easier to memorize.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:00

        But…I can’t get the thread of it quite right. You see, I’m not sure…which part should be said, and which part should not be said. No–strike that. When there’s no subject, it’s hard to memorize!

      • 66 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 13:57

        Hmmm….

        I have to say that it’s probably a situation of being born knowing certain things.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:13

        What was I born knowing, I wonder?

      • 68 Susan P October 1, 2014 at 16:32

        Music.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:23

        *gulp* How do you know such things?

      • 70 Susan P October 2, 2014 at 14:11

        No, the question is how could you not know that I know?

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:50

        I’m not sure. I must say things I realize I don’t say.

      • 72 Susan P October 2, 2014 at 18:27

        I get that. Maybe you were talking in your sleep? Or sleeping in your speaks.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:31

        The second one… *sigh*

      • 74 Susan P October 3, 2014 at 13:05

        That takes a special talent. You should be smiling bigly.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 19:39

        No!

      • 76 Susan P October 3, 2014 at 22:02

        But yes.

  12. 77 lifeconfusions September 30, 2014 at 15:21

    Who said it’s a ‘Worst poem’ ?? Tell that to my stomach who lives and breathes those beautiful words ! ^_^
    Don’t believe a word others are saying, This poem can go in literary history ! :P

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:50

      *laughing* I love how you said your stomach lives and breathes those beautiful words! Well, what food should he write about next?

      • 79 lifeconfusions October 1, 2014 at 16:49

        Hmmm, Welllll….It has to be spicy and mind blowingly delicious ! :D

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:24

        Like…a submarine!

  13. 81 Angeline M September 30, 2014 at 14:28

    Stunned silence….because the words were so rich, so delicious. Does Mr. Hercules have other poems he’s written? Say perhaps about hamburgers, or chocolate shakes? Or maybe curly fries and onion rings? I like his style. For the first time ever, I disagree with Daddy Salami, I think we are at a fork in the road, he and I…but if there was also a spoon in the road with which to add pickle relish to the hot dogs, I would be happy again.

    • 82 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:48

      *laughing* Maybe you could convince DS of their brilliance? I’ll have to ask Walt. He knows Dick personally. Wouldn’t a poem about onion rings be tops?

      • 83 Angeline M October 1, 2014 at 01:22

        Absolutely. I think it should be considered. Maybe DS would reconsider this poet as great.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:06

        *nods* Especially, if you think so. DS might actually get into it.

  14. 85 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 14:18

    …….I think Walt was simply proving for you, Duke, that poetry is loved through the eye of the beholder. Shnoddy really is wise. I’m really happy to read that there is a class one can take in the PL. Maybe you should go.

    • 86 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:45

      But I can’t write poetry, Audith. I’m sure V. Shnod would be impressed with your stuff! Schwarz’s was junk, wasn’t it?

      • 87 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister September 30, 2014 at 20:59

        I will never ever ever ever believe you, Duketh. Did I say ever? Ever. Oh, Shnoddy would throw apples at me. We both know that to be true. I’m pretending not to know how to write poetry for fear he would find out. Quit blowing my cover, Sir. No, they were both great poems, actually. Made me smile to read them both. They were romantic poems, for sure.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:57

        You should believe the professor. I’m truthful most of the time I’m lying. He would not! I bet he’d love your poetry. Now…how were they possibly romantic? They weren’t about Darby, you know.

      • 89 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 1, 2014 at 13:40

        Yes, tis why I choose not to believe you. However, starting my day spinning is nice. Thank you for that… Both speak of devotion, right? Well… I don’t bother with Darby.

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:10

        They do, you’re right. Hmm… *professor twirls his hair and begins to think* Spinning down or up? What have thou against Darby?

      • 91 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 1, 2014 at 19:38

        *nods* *bobs her ponytail up and down*
        This particular conversation has me spinning down, I think. Probably because we’ve argued this before and we never get anywhere. Which is fine, you know.
        Darby? Spinning again…how nice.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:30

        You’re spinning? *laughs* I wish I had a ponytail to bob.

      • 93 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 2, 2014 at 13:03

        I think you’re better off without the ponytail, Duke.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:45

        Oh, I’d just want to have a velcro one.

      • 95 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 2, 2014 at 20:09

        I’ll see what I can do about finding you one.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:33

        Maybe not…

      • 97 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 4, 2014 at 14:40

        For the best, I’d say. You don’t need a ponytail anyway, Duke. Shake your eyes instead.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 18:00

        Then they’d stick.

      • 99 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 6, 2014 at 02:50

        You wear sunglasses so it shouldn’t matter anyway, right?

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 12:30

        Ture. Very good point.

      • 101 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 6, 2014 at 14:56

        *sparkles proudly* Well, maybe..

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:45

        It twas!

      • 103 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 6, 2014 at 20:56

        Thanks! I wonder if crossed eyes will make it hard to play the strat.

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 12:50

        Nah. Your fingers should just feel…

      • 105 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 7, 2014 at 19:22

        I think I would blindfold you. I want to see you play and see your fingers move across the cords. *shocked I said that*

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 20:00

        Which might be a bit hard.

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 8, 2014 at 03:41

        Figures it would be.

  15. 108 walt walker September 30, 2014 at 13:14

    I wonder if Alastair will like it.

    • 109 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:43

      I bet he’ll think twice about it. Do you see Dick often?

      • 110 walt walker September 30, 2014 at 23:05

        Yes, he walks walks his four mastiffs past my house rather often. I always recognize them because one only has three legs.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:04

        *laughing* Now, do you know what happened to the poor beast’s other leg?

      • 112 walt walker October 1, 2014 at 13:16

        I fear to wonder. Lost an adventure, I reckon. I believe Herc’s middle name is danger.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:08

        What is his middle name, btw?

      • 114 Alastair Savage October 1, 2014 at 06:37

        I’ve thought thrice. I like the first one. I’d set it to music and use it in an all-singing, all-dancing spectacular set somewhere in Austria. Its there a Julia Andrews in the Punchy Lands?

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:08

        *laughing* Probably, yes. She’s the one that has confidence in everything, right? Oh, now, would you invite me and Walt to the spectacular?

  16. 116 FictionFan September 30, 2014 at 12:55

    Shnoddy really is a befuddled old fool! How anyone could think that my Schwarzy’s beautiful, evocative poem was bad is beyond me! The pyramidical stucture, the lean economy of the language, the sheer pathos of the emotion…stunning! Quite, quite lovely! And even Mr Hercules is on to a winner with his Ode to a Hot Dog – so nice to see a poet addressing one of the real wonders of life, instead of concentrating on all that boring glories of nature stuff…or, worse, love!

    Will Schwarzy be bringing out a book of his best stuff?

    • 117 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:42

      I thought his poem was bad! But… *laughs* Your review of it makes it sound good! You know what a hot dog is? I thought that was American. And that’s quite a nice title you gave it, too. Poetry about love and Darby–it should be banned, I agree!

      I hope not. Don’t you?

      • 118 FictionFan September 30, 2014 at 23:33

        You should always trust my reviews, you know, you know, you know! One day you will appreciate my Schwarzy’s true genius…

        Sadly, we gave the Americans so many marvels – TV, steam engines, anti-biotics etc etc – and in return they gave us the hot dog. Thanks!

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:05

        *laughing* You’re mocking me, aren’t you?

        You gave us all of that? *crosses arms* Don’t believe it a bit, madam!

      • 120 FictionFan October 1, 2014 at 15:25

        Never! *mocking face*

        And more – much, much more! But you’ve paid your debts – you gave us jazz.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:15

        I’ve got a water balloon!

        Uhh, yes. I forgot FEF was a Thelonious Sphere Monk fan! Have you told BUS, or your wicked older brother yet?

      • 122 FictionFan October 1, 2014 at 18:24

        I’ve got a pin…

        Good noodles, no! My street cred would be destroyed for ever! Did I tell you that my WOB is a jazz fan?

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:28

        What were you going to do with that?

        *shocked face* You didn’t! Wow. He seems spicy. Rock, football, and jazz! Does he like films too? I sorta remember that.

      • 124 FictionFan October 2, 2014 at 15:48

        Well, being somewhat uncreative, I was proposing to burst your balloon with it. But perhaps you could suggest something more exciting?

        He does – but classics and foreign stuff mainly. Oddly, spicy is not a word I’ve ever thought of in connection with him.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 17:55

        Just making sure you don’t stick people with it. I mean, you were carrying one, and you couldn’t have known about my water balloon.

        Classics like Casablanca? The professor is Spicy!

      • 126 FictionFan October 2, 2014 at 20:25

        I was carrying it in case I was attacked by a mad bubble-blowing monster. It’s so awful when that happens.

        Indeed! I love Casablanca – one of my top five movies of all time. The Professor is as spicy as a rich Indian curry with extra chillies…

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 12:36

        *shocked wide eyes* Goodness. That happens to you?

        Figures! I think it’s a love story–overall. Wow… *laughing* That description there is awesome…

      • 128 FictionFan October 3, 2014 at 14:13

        All the time! I think they target me…

        It is – and Ingrid Bergman is one of the loveliest women who ever lived. But my favourite bit is when they all get up and sing the Marseillaise. I find myself obliged to stand up and sing along – tricky, since I don’t know the words. As is the Professor… *smiles sweetly*

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2014 at 19:46

        You should get a katana and a glock.

        Ingrid Bergman? Too bad her name is ugly! Strike that. I actually like her name lots. I bet you do a good job of it–for not knowing the words. *laughs* And so is FEF!

      • 130 FictionFan October 3, 2014 at 21:46

        I’d be too weighed down to walk! No, I should hire a bodyguard… *phones Vin*

        I want to be called Ingrid. I just ‘lalala’ like my Schwarzy only less tunefully. Awww! *blushes*

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2014 at 17:54

        Nah! Glock’s aren’t that heavy. The katana might. But you’d look cool! If you get him, can I come for a visit? Though, I’d probably rather meet FEF than Vin.

        Okay… Ingrid, Aravis, FEF…you’ve got a lot of names there!

      • 132 FictionFan October 5, 2014 at 22:46

        You don’t think it might clash with my ballgown? Probably? Probably!?! Huh!! I’d definitely rather meet the Professor than Vin… *narrows eyes resentfully*

        I like them all, but FEF’s my favourite…

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 12:27

        Well, it might. What color is your ball gown? Okay, if I must be completely honest–which is usually dangerous since it’s revealing–I’d much rather meet FEF. Seriously!

        It’s a pretty name.

      • 134 FictionFan October 6, 2014 at 14:28

        The colour of the sun and the sky and the glittering sea on a bright spring morning. Awww! *blushes like a lobster on a sunbed*

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2014 at 19:39

        So…blue then. Light blue. Baby blue. Sky blue!

      • 136 FictionFan October 6, 2014 at 21:58

        *laughs* Have you no poetry in your soul? ‘Blue then’ indeed!

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 12:59

        I fear I probably don’t. And maybe I should blame you. I think Burns scared me for–forever.

      • 138 FictionFan October 7, 2014 at 18:26

        Ach, ye wee sleekit cow’rin tim’rous beastie, ye!

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2014 at 19:56

        *laughs*

  17. 140 sonmicloud September 30, 2014 at 12:18

    Swartz was straying into Haiku territory I suspect, and Dicks’s offering was….quite bad, but not bad enough really. I like your plan, it is a cunning plan. Here I post for you some of the worst poetry every written outside of Earth (possibly, depending upon how truthful you beleive Douglas Adams to have been.) I think you’ll like this Professor. *smiles* – sonmicloud.

    ‘Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me,
    As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
    Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
    And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
    Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don’t!’

    -Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, 1979

    • 141 technophile9 September 30, 2014 at 17:23

      Don’t forget Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings!

      The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
      They lay. They rotted. They turned
      Around occasionally.
      Bits of flesh dropped off them from
      Time to time.
      And sank into the pool’s mire.
      They also smelt a great deal.

      XD

      • 142 sonmicloud September 30, 2014 at 17:32

        Haha! Touché sir. I had indeed forgotten about her :D

        – sonmicloud

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:54

        That’s not a real poem! Is it? Tell me it’s not! Goodness. Yucketh!

      • 144 technophile9 September 30, 2014 at 19:57

        Alas, fictional. :P

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:57

        *laughing lots* In that case, I love it! It’s yours, right?

      • 146 technophile9 September 30, 2014 at 20:00

        Oh no no! XD I’ll try and explain.

        Douglas Adams said in his book A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that ‘Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings’ was the worst poet of all time. However, this is just a fictional character based on one of his friends Paul Neil Milne Johnston. The poem was written by him (I think) as an example of “Paula’s” poetry.

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:51

        *laughing* I get it now! Well, then, it sorta is a real poem–in a way. Gory, isn’t it?

    • 148 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:41

      Now that is an interest of poetry, for sure. Some of those words are mind boggling, huh? So, Sonmi…should the professor assume you don’t like hotdogs?

      • 149 sonmicloud September 30, 2014 at 19:45

        Indeed. The only hot dog we at Clouds r Us like to see are those on four legs scampering about in the sun. *smiles*

        – sonmicloud

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:55

        Do you put them on the grill?

      • 151 sonmicloud September 30, 2014 at 20:21

        I’ll put you on the grill eh?! *runs after him brandishing a barbecue fork menacingly.*

        – sonmicloud

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 11:52

        *runs for his life* Goodness! Don’t do that. I’m…the dadblame professor!

      • 153 sonmicloud October 1, 2014 at 11:56

        I jest of course (probably).
        I’d not grill you farther than polite inquiries, fear not (for now) *laughs*

        – sonmicloud

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:09

        Polite inquiries might be scary, though…don’t you think?

      • 155 sonmicloud October 1, 2014 at 12:19

        Nooooooo, no, no, very unlikely, and you always have your sword just in case eh?

        – sonmicloud

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:04

        Yes…but I wouldn’t use it on Sonmi! Don’t you think I’m heartless?

      • 157 sonmicloud October 1, 2014 at 16:14

        Not me no, but the Cloud is an erratic sort. You have to keep your wits about you, so don’t be keeping them in a box for safe-keeping now. Ok?!

        – sonmicloud

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:17

        But…but…but…the professor is dull, you know.

      • 159 sonmicloud October 1, 2014 at 16:18

        Not a bit of it. You are as shiny as a new coin, just birthed from the mint *smiles*.

        – sonmicloud

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2014 at 12:19

        *laughs* Yes, the year 1888, though.

  18. 161 PorterGirl September 30, 2014 at 12:00

    Am I the only one who thought that was an excellent poem? And I hate poetry! But a poetry for the belly – well! I cannot think of anything better. And I had a hot dog only last night.

    Schwarz did rather well, there, I thought. This is the kind of poetry I could really get into, you know.

    • 162 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 12:15

      *laughs* I knew you might like it! Mr. Walt found this fellow and got the poem from him. Do you like hot dogs then? Lots?

      Yes…short…to the point. And…but does it make sense?

      • 163 PorterGirl September 30, 2014 at 13:26

        You know anything to do with food is right up my street. I always think I like hot dogs, but then when I eat one I always thing – urgh! Nasty. But maybe with enough fried onions they are alright.

        I am not sure that it does make sense, but that doesn’t matter. It is his style – and I like it!

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:44

        That’s exactly how I feel! They just…should taste better. I mean, they smell and look good. A humdinger, madam!

        *professor gives thought to writing his own poetry*

      • 165 PorterGirl September 30, 2014 at 19:51

        I think I shall start making my own hot dogs. It’s the only way forward.

        Oh Professor – you must! (If you do, I will!)

      • 166 Professor VJ Duke September 30, 2014 at 19:56

        *nods* Or, we could forget about them, and go for German sausages!!!

        Ooo, sounds like a deal! In fact, we should have a PL poem day or something!

      • 167 PorterGirl October 1, 2014 at 07:21

        I do like a good German sausage. They have about a thousand varieties, you know. Let’s do that!

        Can I enter my pea poem into the poetry day? That would be such fun

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 12:08

        *nods* So many varieties!

        I remember that one! You sure can. I loved that. *laughs remembering*

      • 169 PorterGirl October 1, 2014 at 13:05

        The Germans know a thing or two about sausages, certainly.

        Excellent. Let me know when you require my great poetic work *laughs*

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:06

        And those little noodle things!

        *bows* It will be my honor!

      • 171 PorterGirl October 1, 2014 at 16:14

        YUM! To the little noodle things *laughs hungrily*

        *big grin*

      • 172 Professor VJ Duke October 1, 2014 at 16:16

        Yes! I love those things to death.


  1. 1 A poem about wieners by Dick Hercules | waltbox Trackback on February 11, 2015 at 01:48
  2. 2 The Poetry of Dick Hercules | waltbox Trackback on October 25, 2014 at 00:41

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