Crackjaw Inmates

cjI reached for a candy bar.

But if I eat it, it will make me fat, I argued with myself.

But if I don’t eat it, I will never get fat, I continued to argue with myself.

I ate it. But then, I forgot why I ate it. I didn’t get fat.

 

Mr. Magi looked up from the paper, and gazed over his spectacles thoughtfully. “You wrote this?”

Smiles Riot nodded. “I argue with myself all the time.”

“Who usually wins the argument?”

“Myself.”

Mr. Magi nodded as if that is just the answer he expected. But, between me and you, I don’t think it was.

“It says here on your file,” Mr. Magi began, “that you’ve been to Crackjaw before.”

“Oh yes,” Smiles replied. “I’m a frequent visitor. I usually mess with the doctors’ minds. But that’s only because they mess with mine first.”

One of Mr. Magi’s eyebrows rose higher than the other. “You may wonder why I made you write on that paper.”

“No, I know,” Smiles replied with a smile.

“Please tell me, then” Mr. Magi said grimly.

“Just so you can see what goes on in my mind.”

Mr. Magi nodded.

“How long do I have to be an inmate here? Because, I might cry.”

“Well, don’t cry,” Mr. Magi said as he stood. “This cell is padded, soft, and we feed you. So, that’s a plus.”

And Mr. Magi left.

Not ten seconds later the door opened and the Veezler came in.

“I told you that institutions are bad, didn’t I?” the Veezler asked.

Smiles nodded.

“If you agree to be my student, I’ll get you out of here.”

Smiles nodded again.

And that, PF, is how that whole relationship came about.

Personally, this professor thinks the institution caused it…don’t you?

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91 Responses to “Crackjaw Inmates”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 21, 2014 at 22:58

    The institution seems rather inefficient. :-P

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2014 at 23:35

      Yes, doesn’t it? I think he needs you there, Erin.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 22, 2014 at 00:06

        I wouldn’t work there for the world, though! Not permanently, anyway.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 22, 2014 at 19:26

        Yeah… *shivers* I imagine it would be creepy.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 October 22, 2014 at 20:24

        Yes. And probably very drafty at night.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 24, 2014 at 15:51

        Exactly. Probably because the windows don’t shut right.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 October 25, 2014 at 01:00

        Yup. And because the windows don’t shut right, there are lots of break outs.
        If I worked there, as a break from administration, I’d be bringing the guys back in after breaking out. :-P Working security.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 26, 2014 at 19:08

        *laughing* Yes, I could see you doing that. Of course, you’d probably also replace the windows and get some locks.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 October 26, 2014 at 22:34

        True. :-P But then I’d get out of there. :-P

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 27, 2014 at 13:12

        That’s a good point…that’s because you’re smart, I think.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 October 28, 2014 at 12:00

        Perhaps…

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 28, 2014 at 20:09

        *laughs*

  2. 13 The Lite Rider October 15, 2014 at 20:22

    Oh, I see now! It could have been the institution I guess. Mr. Magi was funny. Not really trusting of V’s intentions…….

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:57

      Mr. Magi is so scattered, isn’t he?

      • 15 The Lite Rider October 16, 2014 at 20:55

        He is, but I also think he could not what he is doing some of the time.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 23:08

        It must be a curse.

  3. 17 InfiniteZip October 15, 2014 at 15:54

    I like chocolate, no argument there…are they crazy in the asylum? Or just arguing in their minds? Is there visitation? I bet they feed them oatmeal.

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:49

      Oatmeal all the time. With carrots. OH, there’s visitations. And lots of seminars for everyone to improve. Something like that. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

      • 19 InfiniteZip October 16, 2014 at 09:22

        I like brown sugar oatmeal…do you think they would let me in? I like carrots with ginger sand butter….what kind of seminars?

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:19

        Yes! It just needs brown sugar. Oh, they probably would. Would you like to go? Seminars on the mind and stuff like that.

      • 21 InfiniteZip October 16, 2014 at 15:33

        Sounds like a great place to relax and learn :)

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 23:03

        Maybe a bit scary?

      • 23 InfiniteZip October 17, 2014 at 09:20

        I’m not a Fraidy cat!!! Bring it on :) meow…

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2014 at 19:02

        *laughs* Okay, then…but you sure?

      • 25 InfiniteZip October 19, 2014 at 12:02

        Well now that you mention it…she says as she laps up her bowl of cream :)

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke October 20, 2014 at 18:56

        Can I have a bowl of cream, Zippy?

      • 27 InfiniteZip October 20, 2014 at 20:34

        Nope, all mine….you will spill it on your white suit :)

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2014 at 14:31

        Rats! I’ll watch. Promise!

      • 29 InfiniteZip October 21, 2014 at 15:47

        Ok then…gotta go milk bessie

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2014 at 23:30

        *laughs* Watch that she doesn’t kick you!

  4. 31 Simply Skeptical October 14, 2014 at 23:47

    Oh No! What dastardly deed does the Veezler have in mind for poor dim witted (if I may say so) Smiles? Well, he has to be dim to contemplate consideration of any of the Veezler’s schemes.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:03

      I do wonder what the Veezler is about, personally. But I’m not sure SR is too dim-witted. You see, he’s shows brilliance from time to time.

  5. 33 walt walker October 14, 2014 at 20:58

    Now does that cell have wifi access? Because I wouldn’t mind moving in if it did.

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:02

      It probably does–but to a secure Crackjaw-only network. Now, what do you make of that?

      • 35 walt walker October 15, 2014 at 23:46

        It figures.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:07

        It’s not fair.

  6. 37 Debbie October 14, 2014 at 20:06

    Don’t most of us argue with ourselves often? I mean, I know I do, trying to decide one course of action over another. Hmm, you don’t suppose that makes me a good candidate for Crackjaw, do you, Professor??

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:34

      Well…if it does, it means we all have to go! But I’d say SM is way worse than you. Promise!

  7. 39 Julie Harris October 14, 2014 at 19:28

    I argue with myself all the time, too!

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:34

      *laughs* It’s fun, huh?

  8. 41 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 14, 2014 at 19:16

    I can’t clearly write to explain how absolutely awesome this story is, Duketh. I’m left with just a few words. I identify with the candy bar conversation, totally. I hope Smiles enjoyed eating it. I would have… Love the internal fight. I think we all belong in CJ with a daily visit to my Magi. Looking over his glasses. Of course he does… I like Smiles and don’t think Veezler is a good influence, but sometimes when you’re buddies…you’re buddies.

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:32

      *laughing* Thanks, Audith! Yes, buddies can’t be separated, huh? (That’s why they couldn’t ever separate Bonnie and Clyde-man.) You mean, you think Mr. M is running a good facility? I guess I do too.

      • 43 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 15, 2014 at 04:34

        You’re welcome, Duketh! *smiles brightly* Never seperated, for sure. (Yes, but remember they were more than buddies… *sparkles*) *nods* I think that’s exactly what I mean…he is tolerant of them, huh?

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:12

        They were gangsters, too, I suppose. If you want to get picky about things. I think he is. Sorta like the professor is tolerant of Yoda.

      • 45 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 15, 2014 at 15:21

        Amongst other things, Duke. I’m just sayin’. Oh, You and your problems with Yoda. Poor Yoda never did a thing to you…

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:47

        He was a Jedi!

      • 47 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 16, 2014 at 00:21

        There is nothing wrong with a Jedi!? Am I missing something? Yoda was a deep thinker, my dear. What isn’t to like…

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:13

        Well…he let the Sith overthrow the republic, because he was too busy eating green slime to notice Palpatine, or Anakin.

      • 49 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 16, 2014 at 13:55

        *files her nails* *turns up the music* What did you say?

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 22:59

        *eats an olive*

      • 51 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 17, 2014 at 03:04

        A green one? I’m saving those for Yoda.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke October 18, 2014 at 18:57

        I can’t have them?

      • 53 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 18, 2014 at 19:31

        Yes, you can have whatever you want. *hands them over*

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke October 20, 2014 at 18:52

        Now that is very nice of you.

      • 55 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 20, 2014 at 19:58

        I’m usually very nice.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2014 at 14:29

        Until you get vicious!

      • 57 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 21, 2014 at 19:28

        I could get vicious…

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2014 at 23:32

        I know this, you know.

      • 59 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 22, 2014 at 02:37

        I know, you know. *goes to write something vicious*

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke October 22, 2014 at 19:28

        That’s the spirit! And it was, too.

      • 61 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 22, 2014 at 20:28

        *smiles*

  9. 62 icedmocha34 October 14, 2014 at 19:14

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:31

      *laughs* Now, it isn’t that tasty!

      • 64 icedmocha34 October 14, 2014 at 20:49

        Pfft, my mom loves that video… I’m not allowed to watch Family Guy, but that is sooooo funny. :P

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:02

        I haven’t seen Family Guy either.

  10. 66 floridaborne October 14, 2014 at 16:06

    Just thought you’d like to know, I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog award.

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:30

      *bows* Well, many thanks! I’m honored, you know.

      • 68 floridaborne October 14, 2014 at 20:53

        He’s presently sleeping on my lap. Quite a spoiled little guy. :-)

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:02

        *laughs* I bet he’s warm, too.

  11. 70 L. Marie October 14, 2014 at 14:03

    Well, I can see why being the Veezler’s student would be a plus if one wanted to escape from a padded cell. But if the result is one’s eventual return to that cell (and being a student of the Veezler seems to lead in that direction), is it really a plus?

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:25

      Good point. He could just land himself back in the same cell…or one that’s worse!

  12. 72 Alastair Savage October 14, 2014 at 13:40

    Is there a mini-bar?

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:24

      Aha! I fear not. An oversight, huh?

  13. 74 FictionFan October 14, 2014 at 13:21

    Poor Smiles – I hope he doesn’t cry in the night… damp pillows are no fun. Is Mr Magi some kind of head-doctor then? Or just nosy?

    I’ve always rather fancied living in a padded cell with someone bringing me meals regularly…and eating chocolate and not getting fat! I wonder if the cell would have a padded bookshelf?

    • 75 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:23

      Well, he sorta runs Crackjaw. You should as MM about it some time. Nosy, too. But that’s his job–to be nosy. Do you like Smiles?

      *laughing lots* But what…what about…pictures of Darby and your Kindle Fire?

      • 76 FictionFan October 15, 2014 at 00:22

        Well, no wonder the people in it are confused then! The guy can’t even follow directions! Like? Hmm! Well…I feel kinda sorry for him sometimes, and then at other times I fear he might lead the Professor astray…

        I’d sneak the Kindle in under my ballgown, and I could have a padded Darby! *dreamy face* Perhaps I could knit a life-size version of him…

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:05

        *laughs* That is a good point. He’s…well meaning, though. Me? I’m impervious to such attacks, madam!

        But I bet there’s no plugs in there! How would you charge it? We could put Darby’s picture on the top of a cake, and then you’d have to kill him by eating him.

      • 78 FictionFan October 15, 2014 at 15:56

        Are you sure? I think he might be an evil mastermind in disguise. I hope you are, but you’re so sweet and trusting… *shakes head sadly*

        Hmm… that is a worry. Perhaps I could have one of those exercise bikes that generates electricity – I’m sure 20 miles or so would be enough for a paperback’s-worth. Ooh! That would be a real ethical dilemma! I suspect I’d fail the test… *sharpens cake-knife*

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:51

        Mr. M? Nah! I might be. Rats. I’m supposed to be scary, evil, and very mean! But I think I fail at it rather horridly.

        But could you go for 20 miles? Goodness! I’d help you eat him, if it’s any consolation.

      • 80 FictionFan October 16, 2014 at 00:10

        Ooh you are! If I didn’t have superpowers I’d be terrified!! But oddly, you’re kinda fluffy too…

        *growls* Actually, I was anticipating that you would visit every day and do it for me – that would be the gentlemanly thing to do. See?? I knew you thought he was yummy…

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:09

        *smiles proudly* Well, that fluffy part is probably just the way you feel about things.

        I suppose…but imagine how sore my legs would be! *laughing* You set me up!

  14. 82 PorterGirl October 14, 2014 at 13:17

    Ooh this is very fascinating. I quite liked Smiles’ little missive, it is, in truth, an argument we have all had with ourselves at one point. Mr Riot is too clever for Mr M, but does Mr M realise this? I suspect not.

    This relationship could be calamitous, I fear. No! I hope…

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2014 at 20:23

      No, I don’t think he does either. Doesn’t it seem as if SR’s head is a mushing mash of boiling tomatoes? Or something like that. Not sure that’s the best description there.

      *laughs* Who knows what wicked things they will get up to?

      • 84 PorterGirl October 15, 2014 at 07:33

        It is a mash of some description, certainly. A mushing one, at that. Maybe boiling tomatoes and red onion? And some chillis. Now his head sounds delicious! Oh dear *laughs*

        I cannot wait to find out!

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 12:14

        *laughs* But…Lucy, Chillis are hot, aren’t they?

        I hope robbing banks and stuff. Walt would like that.

      • 86 PorterGirl October 15, 2014 at 13:08

        Some are just a little tingly *grins*

        Oh, I hope so too. When I am old I shall be a bank robber.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke October 15, 2014 at 22:43

        Spicy!

        Yes! Me too. Take me with you. We’ll rob every bank in the world in 10 years.

      • 88 PorterGirl October 16, 2014 at 08:52

        Of course I shall take you with me. I like the idea of that, we would have such fun. And never get caught!

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 12:17

        Yes! We’d ride trains, too.

      • 90 PorterGirl October 16, 2014 at 12:22

        Excellent, this sounds rather marvellous. I will provide a picnic.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke October 16, 2014 at 22:57

        Nice!


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