Poetry Class

V. Shnodgrate waited until every student was absolutely quiet, then he wrote this on the huge (I think it was red) chalkboard:

Trust is sacred; when given freely, it’s dangerous.

Shnodgrate turned and faced the class.

There was silence for a bit, bits, and little bits.

“Wow,” Fats Henry finally said, “that’s big.”

Shnodgrate grabbed his long stick-like thing and twirled it about. (He uses it for pointing at certain things on the chalkboard.) 

“What does this mean to you?” Shnodgrate asked. And sure enough, his stick swung around and tapped the chalkboard right below his freshly scribbled proverb.

I should mention here something about Shnodgrate’s clothes. He was dressed in an olive colored suit, with a red shirt, and a blue fluff-tie. I mean, it looked like a tie, but it was more fluffy.

“What does it mean to you?” Shnodgrate repeated.

Schwarz Tauptinker spoke up. “First thing it tells me is this: ‘Chickit, I’m not poetry, I’m a proverb!'”

“Yeah,” Henry yelled, “we’re supposed to be learning poetry!”

Shnodgrate looked rather cranky at this point.

“I’m sad to say,” he began, “that some thing, by the name of Dick Hercules, has been ruining poetry. Therefore, until I can get his horrible writings out of my mind, we will not be covering poetry in this class.”

“Hey!” Henry roared.

This professor raised a hand. “I must needs be honest: You see, I signed up to this class so I could learn about poetry. And I want to learn about poetry, just so I can begin to understand the poems of Dick Hercules.”

There was some agreement throughout the class on this.

“Class dismissed.” And Shnodgrate left.

I should mention–though I probably shouldn’t–that Amelia is attending the class as well.

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131 Responses to “Poetry Class”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 November 5, 2014 at 21:53

    I was wrong. The button is “Request Feedback.” For your approval:
    http://erinkenobi2893.wordpress.com/?p=1097&shareadraft=545a9c3b18641

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:38

      Great. I’ll take a look.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 November 6, 2014 at 13:45

        :-D

  2. 4 Painting Pundit November 3, 2014 at 01:59

    Can you tell me where I can get one of those stick like things to twirl around?

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 15:39

      I’m not sure! I’d like one too. Do you suppose only Shnod has one?

      • 6 Painting Pundit November 3, 2014 at 15:44

        Yes! And I’ll bet he won’t share where got it either.

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 15:46

        I bet you’re right. Well, you’ll just have to carve two. Are you up for it?

      • 8 Painting Pundit November 3, 2014 at 15:55

        Could be! But first I’d have to know what kind of wood it’s made from. I suspect it’s something rare that will have to be harvested at midnight on a full moon. Can you ask him, please?

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 21:03

        Yes, I shall. During poetry class. You do suppose it would be okay to interrupt him then, don’t you?

      • 10 Painting Pundit November 3, 2014 at 22:11

        Well if you do you had better be prepared to duck.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke November 4, 2014 at 14:18

        I know! He might throw something.

  3. 12 icedmocha34 November 1, 2014 at 02:12

    Oooooh, I love poetry!! Rainer Maria Rilke is the best, so good that I’m basing a novel off of him.

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke November 1, 2014 at 17:32

      Nice! You know, if you want, you could send me some of your poetry, and I”ll show it to Shnod and we can post it… Just a thought.

  4. 14 lifeconfusions October 31, 2014 at 14:43

    So the professor is attending poetry classes? When do we get to see your poetic compositions ? ;)

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke October 31, 2014 at 18:56

      *shivers* I don’t know! Will you like them?

      • 16 lifeconfusions November 3, 2014 at 19:15

        I don’t know, would you share them? :D

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 21:12

        I should, shouldn’t I?

      • 18 lifeconfusions November 4, 2014 at 06:02

        Well you should, If you could ! :D

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke November 4, 2014 at 14:31

        I’ll have to hide!

      • 20 lifeconfusions November 4, 2014 at 19:43

        We gonna find you *Boo* :D

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:39

        I’ll hide under a rock!

      • 22 lifeconfusions November 6, 2014 at 13:26

        We will get a crane to lift that thing and find you still ! :D

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:55

        Oh dear! I’m caught, then!

  5. 24 L. Marie October 30, 2014 at 14:58

    Okay, now I’m getting suspicious. Amelia attends the class? And you decided to attend? Hmm. Are you sure there’s nothing going on with you and Amelia?

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 22:09

      No…of course not…did I know she was going to be there? *nervous*

  6. 26 Simply Skeptical October 30, 2014 at 01:43

    Snodgrate is very stylish is he not? And smart too!

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:27

      He sure is!

  7. 28 erinkenobi2893 October 30, 2014 at 00:25

    I’ll volunteer to teach the class! ;-) And the proverb is a very good one… I like it. (I’d go to Schnodograte’s class whatever he was teaching. He is wise. A bit like Mr. Magi, but sort of different too.)

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:25

      You’d make an excellent teacher of the class! Hey…how about we do a story together about poetry class? Maybe you could come teach it… Do you have another email yet?

      • 30 erinkenobi2893 November 1, 2014 at 19:36

        Cool! :-D I don’t know… I can ask my dad… or do you know how to do draft sharing? :-)

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke November 2, 2014 at 23:51

        No, I don’t. How’s it done?

      • 32 erinkenobi2893 November 4, 2014 at 01:03

        I only know how to do it in the classic editor, so first you switch to Classic Mode. Scroll down to the bottom of the enter-text window. There will be a button labeled “Share a Draft.” You can then get a share link without having to go through email, and you can c&p it into a comment. ;-)

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke November 4, 2014 at 14:29

        Aha, I’ll give this a looking.

      • 34 erinkenobi2893 November 4, 2014 at 14:42

        ;-)
        I forget… what were we going to write… oh, a Poetry Class sequel. Right. ;-)

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:30

        Yes, something like that. But you’ll have to have speaks with Shnod.

      • 36 erinkenobi2893 November 5, 2014 at 13:31

        Indeed.

  8. 37 Julie Harris October 29, 2014 at 20:30

    I have never seen a fluffy tie… A class with Amelia will be interesting, for sure!

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 21:00

      Fluffy ties are awesome. Would you like a blue one?

  9. 39 The Lite Rider October 29, 2014 at 19:45

    I read this with great relish. Loved that proverb in the beginning. Having learned it quite concretely, I must say I agree! :)

    Amelia is attending?!

    Schwarz is right, I think. But then the idea for the class is a good one, dismissed or not. Quite vexing, I suppose, for the attendees!

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:59

      Many thanks!

      Yes… *gulp* Scary?

      Yes! Schwarz ruined the class, but then again, I was ready for it to be over.

  10. 41 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 29, 2014 at 19:34

    I’m so proud of you, Duke!! Attending a poetry class of Shnoddy’s will prove to be fantastic. I am so envious. It seems to me that I’d like to sit between you and Henry, if that can be arranged. *smiles* I must also admit to agreeing with Shnoddy. ..no poetry until everyone listens up. I’m also quite jealous that Amelia is in your class, as well. She likes poetry. ..she’s softening, I suppose.
    *kicks the dirt*

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:58

      Next to Henry, but why? He’d probably like you, if you treated him like a king. You’d be a pro at the class. I’m going to flunk. Amelia…she hates me, huh?

      • 43 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 30, 2014 at 02:44

        I said between you and Henry. Well, because he seems to like poetry. I prefer treating you like a king. *smiles* A pro? Not. You couldn’t flunk. You’ll probably end up having late night study sessions with Amelia, which will turn into wonderful conversations. Great poetry conversations. Amelia probably loves you. She’s followed you into a class now, Duke.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:28

        Yes, you are! Amelia?! *gags* I think she’s planning to murder me…isn’t that quite possible?

      • 45 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 30, 2014 at 20:07

        *rolls her eyes* Not. If Amelia murders you then I suppose all your problems are over. Mine and hers just beginning, I’d say. *holds a baseball bat*

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 22:16

        Whack her on the head quick! *pitches to Audith*

      • 47 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 31, 2014 at 04:05

        *giggles* Duke….a lady always waits for a reason. Has she given me one?

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 31, 2014 at 18:51

        Yes, of course…

      • 49 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister October 31, 2014 at 20:01

        Tell me. *hums*

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke November 1, 2014 at 17:21

        She tortures the professor. Does that work?

      • 51 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 3, 2014 at 00:22

        Not really, since so do I.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 15:35

        Well…it’s not in the same way, is it?

      • 53 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 3, 2014 at 22:12

        The answer is no, however, I’m guessing.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke November 4, 2014 at 14:19

        You’re right! Audith is nice.

      • 55 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 4, 2014 at 20:19

        I can be mean, you know.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:40

        I know, and then I don’t…

      • 57 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 5, 2014 at 15:00

        Sounds sketchy.

  11. 58 Debbie October 29, 2014 at 18:44

    I hate to agree with Schwarz, but he makes a valid point. Such a statement really doesn’t qualify as “poetry;” nor is it much of a proverb. I think Shnodgrate was merely trying to ignite a class discussion (teachers do that often, don’t they?). So the mysterious Amelia returns? Hmm, the plot thickens, I see!

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:55

      Yes, teachers do that all the time! What should be done with Amelia?

  12. 60 InfiniteZip October 29, 2014 at 16:20

    I like poetry, but I like class dismissed even more :)

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:54

      Yes, me too! But why?

      • 62 InfiniteZip October 30, 2014 at 11:04

        Class could be boring, unless we get a nap….and cream and cookies :)

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:31

        Yes! Cream would make it better. Lots of cream, too, Zippy.

  13. 64 Angeline M October 29, 2014 at 15:48

    The class should be much more interesting with Amelia in attendance. Does she sit next to you, Professor?

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:51

      She didn’t this time…is that good?

      • 66 Angeline M October 29, 2014 at 23:39

        Very good, I think! Such a trouble-maker

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:22

        Yes…she won’t even look at me, you know.

  14. 68 FictionFan October 29, 2014 at 15:12

    A fluffy tie! What a wonderful idea! Who would have thought that the befuddled old fool would have such good taste?? And, as usual, my Schwarzy is the one to get to the nub of the matter – what a star that man is!

    But… *frowns and begins to gnash teeth again* …I hope my C-W-W wasn’t sitting next to Amelia…

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:50

      Do you suppose Shnod is as befuddled as the professor? This may or may not be a trick question. *raises both eyebrows twice*

      I was in the back of the room; she was in the front. Would you like to come and kill her?

      • 70 FictionFan October 29, 2014 at 22:43

        Oh, no! It can’t be! No! Anything but that! Though you would look lovely in a fluffy tie…

        (Perfect positioning for a sneak pea-shooter attack…) Yes, please! Can I?

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:18

        A fluffy blue tie with gold stuff in it. And fingerless gloves.

        (I don’t have a pea shooter…are they real?) Absolutely! Most gruesome way possible.

      • 72 FictionFan October 30, 2014 at 17:10

        Aaaarghhhh!!! You didn’t deny it!! I’m not sure even fingerless gloves (even though they do sound very, very cool. Are they stripey?) can make up for the idea of you being that… that… no, I can’t bring myself to say it!!

        (Yes! Did you think I’d made it up? Basically it’s a blowpipe. South Americans use them to shoot poisoned darts. Scottish people use dried peas. We’re so cool!)
        Hmm – I could make her read an entire book of Shnoddy’s poetry! That should do it…

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 22:12

        Well, ’cause it’s silly to deny. You know the professor isn’t Shnod! Well, I just got some fingerless gloves and I must say they’re rather cool, I think. Time to shoot some outside vids. You should get a pair as well.

        (I did! Do you have one?) I think you must needs sit down with Shnod and have tea–coffee.

      • 74 FictionFan October 31, 2014 at 01:55

        Hehe, you just denied it, silly! If only I could be sure…

        Ooh, very smart! Do they match your beanie? I should – I’d like red ones.

        (Sadly no, but I think I may have done when I was very little. My Dad was a bit mental about giving his children lethal toys. But I could make one.) See? That’s just typical of the befuddled old fool – doesn’t even know what he drinks!

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke October 31, 2014 at 18:49

        You tricked me again. Well…oh dear…

        Nah, I don’t wear a beanie for that sort of thing. I’d like a Pats beanie, actually. Red ones would look awesome on you.

        (Nice! That sounds like an awesome dad to me. Too bad he didn’t get you a katana. Make one? *shocked face filled with wonder*) He probably drinks both–together.

      • 76 FictionFan October 31, 2014 at 22:19

        *girlie fist pump*

        *chuckles* I didn’t realise you had a whole collection of hats for different purposes. Cool!

        (I think my mother would have drawn the line at that, unfortunately. Yeah, tube plus peas. Shouldn’t be beyond my skill-level, I feel… ) That wouldn’t surprise me. Or he might drink cherry juice…

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke November 1, 2014 at 17:26

        Don’t know if I should do that…

        Well, sorta, I guess. Hats are neater than…socks!

        (Mothers are so un-fun at times, you know. I couldn’t do it, I feel.) Um… *laughs* What if he does?

      • 78 FictionFan November 1, 2014 at 20:41

        You couldn’t – your biceps would get in the way.

        I’ve never tried socks on my head, but I’m guessing they’d be pretty neat…

        (They are! But on the other hand, if it was left up to dads, kids would be fighting full-scale nuclear wars by age five.) Oh…nothing! *whistles innocently*

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke November 2, 2014 at 23:58

        I’m like Vin Diesel–the sudden!

        *laughs* I’ve played sock wars…long time ago.

        (I don’t see what’s wrong with that…) What are you whistling?

      • 80 FictionFan November 3, 2014 at 18:18

        No, no, no! Like Rafa…

        *chuckles* I can’t help wondering why I’m not surprised by that…

        (*laughs lots*) I don’t know – I listened very hard but it was unrecognisable.

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 21:09

        Only his hair gets in his way!

        It was fun, too, which surprised me at the time.

        How’s Monk coming?

      • 82 FictionFan November 3, 2014 at 23:50

        *laughs* Yes, that’s a problem Vin certainly doesn’t have!

        *chuckles* Soooo c&a!

        Er…I haven’t listened to him recently. I’m sorry! *guilt-ridden face* But I was listening to Acker Bilk yesterday – does that redeem me at all?

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke November 4, 2014 at 14:27

        *laughs* He wears that gold chain and that black muscleman shirt! Cool.

        Hey!

        It sure does! Acker is amazing. What were you listening to? (I’m surprised you know about him!)

      • 84 FictionFan November 4, 2014 at 17:03

        Not cool!! SO not cool!!!

        *chuckles again*

        Oh dear! I kinda wish I hadn’t mentioned it now, ‘cos it sounds like you didn’t hear. Unfortunately he died, so they were playing all his stuff on the news all day… But I did know about him anyway – my Dad had some of his stuff when I was a littl’un. I rather like him…

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:38

        Oh come on! It’s not half bad.

        Did he really? Rats. Poor bloke. Oh well. He had such a unique tone on the clarinet. I bet you’ve heard Stranger on the Shore, then, over and over agin!

      • 86 FictionFan November 5, 2014 at 17:28

        It’s horrific!

        Yep, a zillion times or so. But it stands up to hearing again…

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:27

        But why? What’s it remind you of?

        Kenny G’s is better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • 88 FictionFan November 6, 2014 at 15:08

        The 1970s!!!!

        I bow to your superior knowledge! *shakes head sadly behind Profesoor’s back*

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke November 7, 2014 at 19:50

        Vin Diesel does it today! Bet he wasn’t born in the ’70s!

        *laughs* Well, at least, you like Angel.

      • 90 FictionFan November 8, 2014 at 00:25

        Exactly!!! (But if I ever get my hands on a time-machine, he may end up there…)

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2014 at 20:52

        Aw! And he’s so great, too. In a weird sort of way.

      • 92 FictionFan November 9, 2014 at 00:30

        Well, at least we agree on ‘weird’…

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2014 at 13:10

        And muscles.

  15. 94 Lady Cheetah October 29, 2014 at 14:34

    V. Schnodgrate is deep. I like reading about his work in story form.

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:48

      I think he’s a very wise man at times, but…I wouldn’t want to be his pupil. And yet, I am. There’s something wrong there, isn’t there?

      • 96 Lady Cheetah October 29, 2014 at 20:59

        That is an amazing contradiction. Unless he ‘ball & chains” you consider yourself free to leave. Fly little birdie fly.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 21:01

        But what about learning about Dick’s poetry?

  16. 98 PorterGirl October 29, 2014 at 14:19

    Amelia is in the class! There will be trouble, for sure. You mark my words.

    Good to see Schnograte taking fashion tips from The Dean *laughs*

    Dick Hercules really is my favourite poet. I want to learn all about his poetry. I hated poetry until he came along and now I am a keen student. So there!

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:46

      There sure is! Lucy, you come and get her, please.

      *laughing* I know, right? We should get those chaps together some time.

      Shh! Shnod might hear, but I agree!

      • 100 PorterGirl October 29, 2014 at 22:04

        I should come and get her. She reminds me very much of Head Porter’s daughter, scheming little wench.

        Certainly! I think they would argue wonderfully, but at the same time agree completely. It would be an interesting meeting to witness.

        *laughs*

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:14

        Yes! A scheming little wench. Well, whatever you decide to do to Head Porter’s daughter (I hope it’s ghastly from what she put our Head Porter through) do it to her too, please.

        I agree. I’m sure the Dean has lots of proverbs of his own.

      • 102 PorterGirl October 30, 2014 at 13:17

        I was thinking of killing her, actually. It seems to be the done thing in Old College.

        I am sure he does. Very sweary ones, I should say. And a lot containing the word ‘bugger’.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:32

        *laughs* Junior definitely sets a good example. (I still think you should hunt him down.)

        *laughing lots* I do love that chap.

      • 104 PorterGirl October 30, 2014 at 14:20

        We haven’t seen the last of Junior Bursar, I can assure you. But keep that under your hat, Professor.

        He is a fine fellow indeed!

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 22:07

        Nice! The mark of an excellent story teller…

  17. 106 Susan P October 29, 2014 at 14:12

    That just seems really disappointing. And, really, given the time of year, Edgar Allen Poe seems appropriate.

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke October 29, 2014 at 20:44

      But doesn’t he mess with the mind?

      • 108 Susan P October 29, 2014 at 22:35

        Well, that is the point, isn’t it?

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 13:15

        Maybe I’m him?

      • 110 Susan P October 30, 2014 at 13:44

        Only if you are an opium addict.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke October 30, 2014 at 22:01

        Oh dear…no wonder his stories were strange.

      • 112 Susan P October 30, 2014 at 23:01

        Yes, well. A lot of writers of that era dipped into that stuff.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke October 31, 2014 at 18:43

        Except the professor.

      • 114 Susan P October 31, 2014 at 23:58

        What makes the professor so different?

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke November 1, 2014 at 17:29

        The way he parts his hair?

      • 116 Susan P November 1, 2014 at 20:08

        I dunno…the portrait that was recently posted in the PL didn’t give the impression that anything was parted.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke November 2, 2014 at 23:53

        Well, maybe it was a fake, then?

      • 118 Susan P November 3, 2014 at 14:07

        *shocked*

        Why would you let someone put up a fake portrait of you?

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 15:40

        I’m not sure. Was I wrong?

      • 120 Susan P November 3, 2014 at 15:42

        It just seems…deceitful or something.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 15:45

        I told you I’m wicked.

      • 122 Susan P November 3, 2014 at 18:37

        Werry wicked, sir,.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke November 3, 2014 at 21:11

        *nods* I’m not sure what to do about it either.

      • 124 Susan P November 3, 2014 at 21:24

        You need to figure something out. Your entire life may be at risk.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke November 4, 2014 at 14:17

        It can’t be my fault, though, can it?

      • 126 Susan P November 4, 2014 at 20:50

        Dun’t matter if it is or not…the cat is out of the bag.

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:44

        Put it back in–quick!

      • 128 Susan P November 5, 2014 at 14:59

        The cat is out and is watching you.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:11

        I bet George had something to do with it.

      • 130 Susan P November 5, 2014 at 22:41

        George rules.

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:40

        With an iron paw.


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