Poetry Class 2

This professor found his usual seat.

V. Shnodgrate was writing something on that large board, and that’s when I ventured a question.

“Shnoddy?”

I shouldn’t have said it quite like that, but I did. And, you know, this professor doesn’t think it was necessarily my fault. For instance, everyone calls him that–on this PL blog, that is–so I can’t really be blamed.

Shnodgrate spun around. “What?!”

“Mr. Shnodgrate…I was wondering…well, see here…well, for instance…well…look here, that stick you’re holding is rather nice. What wood is it made from?”

“A special wood,” Shnodgrate said as he turned and began to write on the board again.

(He uses his stick to point to things on the board, you know.)

“The wood must be harvested at midnight on a full moon,” Shnodgrate continued. “That way, the wood will never crack.”

Now this is a wonder. You see, this is exactly what Painting Pundit had suggested, and it was quite right.

The class was small today. Only Amelia–who sat in front of me–and Schwarz Tauptinker–who sat next to me–were there…

“Today,” Shnodgrate began, “we will have a lecture… We must speak about bad poetry. That way, we can learn what good poetry is. Good poetry is not defined by how…”

And that’s when Amelia passed me a note:

He’s not a very good teacher, is he?

Now this professor knows (all professors do, really) that note passing isn’t something that should be done in class.

And, so, that’s why I handed the note to Schwarz, who promptly interrupted Shnodgrate and read it aloud.

“Okay,” Schwarz said, “he’s not a very good teacher, is he?”

Shnodgrate stopped. “Who isn’t?”

“I guess you, chickit!”

Shnodgrate shook his head. “The first exam…you all automatically get an F.”

Poetry class is vexing, you see.

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104 Responses to “Poetry Class 2”


  1. 1 The Lite Rider November 5, 2014 at 22:47

    I see you began on a rather questionable note with “Shoddy” … secretly I liked it. Along with that hot-potato gesture of immediately passing the note off (which we all know it is rude to write notes during class – does Amelia know this?!) Now if Amelia’s note contained some sort of dire news, that would be different. But then one would not know, unless one accepted the note! :) (You guys can all come back from your first exam F’s, I’m certain!)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:42

      Yes, but surely I shouldn’t get an F, right?! Shnod needs messed with…it keeps him on his toes. Imagine passing a note. I thought for sure Shnod was going to see it, didn’t you?

      • 3 The Lite Rider November 6, 2014 at 21:52

        Well even if he had, it would have resulted in the same response. It’s Shnod’s class, so he can give whatever marks he wants.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke November 7, 2014 at 19:56

        Do you think I can convince him to give me an A?

      • 5 The Lite Rider November 7, 2014 at 21:13

        Not so sure I’d try that, but it could work. Let me know!

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2014 at 20:45

        Okay! *resolutely thinks about it for half a second, then gives up and agrees with LR*

  2. 7 erinkenobi2893 November 5, 2014 at 21:29

    Oh dear! Only Amelia should get an F… I should perhaps write about when I substitute taught poetry class. ;-P

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:31

      Yeah! How about you sub next week? That way you can fix this problem.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 November 5, 2014 at 21:35

        Okay. :-P I’ll see if I can get it to you using the draft share function. ;-)

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:37

        *nods* Yes, please.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 November 6, 2014 at 13:44

        :-D Done! Tell me what you think.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:56

        Okay…

  3. 13 InfiniteZip November 5, 2014 at 16:53

    Get the curr fired I say!!!

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:22

      Nice! But how, Zippy?

      • 15 InfiniteZip November 6, 2014 at 10:23

        Be a better poetry teacher ….write some poems like Dr.Seuss….about the punchy lands and stuff :)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:54

        Oh…that would be quite fun. A poem…do you think I could do it?

      • 17 InfiniteZip November 6, 2014 at 16:34

        Most definitely …put proverbs in it too…it will confuse him….

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke November 7, 2014 at 19:54

        And maybe his head will fall off?

      • 19 InfiniteZip November 8, 2014 at 13:20

        Hmmm. No, I don’t think so…maybe a limerick will do that :)

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2014 at 20:52

        What’s one of those?

      • 21 InfiniteZip November 9, 2014 at 02:25

        There once was a man from Nantucket…
        Whose….oh, too much information…
        Google it :)

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2014 at 13:10

        Won’t do it! Google hates me.

      • 23 InfiniteZip November 11, 2014 at 13:36

        It must be because you are smarter than it :)

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2014 at 13:43

        Yes, yes! That must be it, Zippy.

  4. 25 L. Marie November 5, 2014 at 15:35

    Amelia passed you a note, rather than anyone else. If I were in fifth grade, I would yell, “She likes you! She likes you!” But I’m no longer in fifth grade, so I can’t.
    Schwarz shouldn’t have read the note out loud, but since doing so fits his personality, his actions were appropriate.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:21

      *hangs head* It’s that obvious? Rats. But she didn’t write anything about love on the note, so maybe it’s not that?

      Would you have slapped him?

  5. 27 Catherine November 5, 2014 at 03:08

    Oh dear. An “F”? On the first exam? Passing notes never ends up well.

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:48

      *nods* Should I debate Shnod?

      • 29 Catherine November 7, 2014 at 02:57

        I think you should! Maybe if you argued poetically you’d get extra credit.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke November 7, 2014 at 20:00

        There’s an idea! Maybe sing a few verses for him…”Dear professor Shnodgrate, don’t you feel I should get an A?” All sung.

      • 31 Catherine November 9, 2014 at 23:42

        I like that! I think any teacher should give an A to someone who sings their arguments to them.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2014 at 13:14

        Yes! For sure. As long as it isn’t too awful.

      • 33 Catherine November 14, 2014 at 02:04

        That’s true, I guess. But the professor won’t be awful.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2014 at 16:18

        How do you know?

      • 35 Catherine November 16, 2014 at 23:53

        A guess. Because you probably won’t!

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2014 at 17:10

        That is very nice of you, madam.

  6. 37 Julie Harris November 5, 2014 at 02:02

    Sounds like Amelia is going to cause trouble… A vexing class, indeed!!

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:46

      Yes, you should…spank her for me, Julie.

  7. 39 Simply Skeptical November 5, 2014 at 00:10

    Schwarz is a teacher’s best friend! I wonder if he brings Apples to class?

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:45

      He probably does. Do you think I should put worms in his pasta?

      • 41 Simply Skeptical November 5, 2014 at 21:00

        Not unless you’re a vindictive Professor. Nah, not you. :-)

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:28

        I’m very vindictive!

  8. 43 Susan P November 4, 2014 at 21:06

    Somehow I think the Professor will end up eating the note.

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:45

      No! Do you think Shnod will make me?

      • 45 Susan P November 5, 2014 at 15:00

        I’d keep an eye on him if I were you.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:13

        But, technically, I’m not allowed to mess with him, right?

      • 47 Susan P November 5, 2014 at 22:42

        Only if you can get away with it.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:41

        That’s such a wicked thought, but I love it!

  9. 49 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 4, 2014 at 20:17

    I think Shnoddy did the right thing. How disrespectful of Amelia, although I’m not surprised. You taking her note just made life worse on you, I fear. (I love passing notes, which means I’m slightly envious Amelia did so.) I do believe you had a fair question. *giggle* You’re always mesmerized by neatio accessories. I think you need a pointer, Duke.

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:40

      Yes, a pointer. Do you suppose one could kill Amelia with a pointer? I’m not sure. But it can’t be my fault. Isn’t it just natural to take something that someone hands to you? That’s how one gets another one to touch bugs, you see.

      • 51 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 5, 2014 at 14:59

        I think one could kill her with a pointer, but seems less tragic for both of you if you tell her to go away. Jail sucks, I hear. I suppose it is natural…but not so if you are handed something from someone you despise. .. Hmm. And how to get someone to hold a corn snake….happened to me on Saturday. Yucketh.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:12

        Well, jail might be cool. For instance, consider: one goes to jail, and meets some crime lords. (2) One gets friendly with the crime lords, but giving them some iced tea. (3) One gets out of jail around the same time the crime lords get out. (4) One begins to use his connections withe crime lords. Brilliant, wouldn’t you say?

        What’s a corn sanke?

      • 53 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 6, 2014 at 04:55

        I don’t think you’re allowed to hang out with crime lords, Duketh. Sometimes I wonder about your safety and decision making skills. *laughs*

        Well….look it up, Dash-Man. A rather large snake.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:48

        Oh, I’d be fine! I don’t see why I couldn’t!!!!

        *laughs* Great name… Nice! Well, they seem friendly enough. Did Mr. Warrior hold it, too?

      • 55 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 10, 2014 at 03:43

        Go for it. See what happens…

        No, he didn’t get to hold one. I was at a conference and the zoo keeper made me do it.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2014 at 13:15

        Humph noodles! That makes me not want to do it now…

        *laughs* That wasn’t fair of him! but, hey, I’m impressed.

      • 57 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 11, 2014 at 21:02

        *waits for you to do it* I may wrinkle soon.

        It wasn’t fair at all. He was bullying me, I bet. Or maybe I flirted with him shamelessly and told him I was brave enough to try. Sorta like I do with you. Were you him? I may never sleep well again…*shakes*

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2014 at 13:48

        Wrinkle?

        Well, what’d the mean chap look like exactly?

      • 59 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 12, 2014 at 21:10

        Well, you know…because its going to take you forever to get out there.

        Depends…what do you look like? *smirk*

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2014 at 23:03

        I’ll get there….in a week?

        Well, I’m about this tall *shows with hands*, I’ve got brown hair, I think. Some sort of eyes. Both intact, thank goodness. Two ears, not five. And that’s about it.

      • 61 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 14, 2014 at 04:41

        I won’t hold my breath, but I believe you. *smiles brightly*

        Okay, so he wasn’t you. He was only this tall *shows with my hands* Blue eyes, not hazel, and blonde hair…he did have two ears, however, so maybe he was your brother.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2014 at 16:19

        Well, then I have lots of brothers. How do you know what eye color I have? I did tell you, but then you forgot, you know.

      • 63 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 17, 2014 at 03:18

        I never forget what you tell me, you know, which makes me think you lied about telling me in the first place. Easy to remember your eye color, it’s mine!! Yes, loads of brothers, you’ve told me that, as well. *smiles*

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2014 at 17:11

        Brothers? Did I say that?

      • 65 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 18, 2014 at 20:56

        *rolls her eyes*

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke November 24, 2014 at 13:27

        *laughs*

  10. 67 Lady Cheetah November 4, 2014 at 19:01

    You are guilty by association. How shall the Professor get out of this?

    • 68 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:39

      Do you suppose I can call the police?

      • 69 Lady Cheetah November 5, 2014 at 14:11

        Better go for SWAT.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:07

        With machine guns.

  11. 71 Angeline M November 4, 2014 at 17:16

    You shouldn’t have accepted the note…you know how Amelia can be. But of all the delicious things to do in a class, I count note passing as being up there close to the top. On the top of the list is scooting your chairs quietly closer and closer to the front of the room each time the instructor turns to write on that big board. Pretty soon, he turns, and…….hello there.

    • 72 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:39

      *laughing* I’ve got to try this! Couldn’t you just imagine the bewilderment on Shnod’s face? I mean…he’d be google eyes or something. Of course, I could steal his stick then, right?

      • 73 Angeline M November 5, 2014 at 18:29

        Exactly! We used to do that in high school. You can only imagine the look on the nun’s face after the last big scoot and we had her surrounded :)

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:27

        *laughs* Did she rap your knuckles?

      • 75 Angeline M November 5, 2014 at 22:18

        It was worth it :)

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:39

        *laughs* That’s the spirit!

  12. 77 FictionFan November 4, 2014 at 15:37

    *grim face* Amelia passed you a note…and you accepted it? Shnoddy should have smacked your knuckles with his stick. I’m so glad my Schwarzy did the right thing and turned you both in.

    Personally I think the letter F is one of the best letters…
    Signed, FF.

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:35

      But how can this sweet, loving professor be blamed? I didn’t do anything. Except take the note. But I didn’t know what it was. For instance, if I handed you something you’d take it, without thinking. Probably.

      Good point. And you like ‘E’.

      • 79 FictionFan November 5, 2014 at 17:15

        You shouldn’t have been sitting near enough to her! In fact, it would be better if you were never in the same room as her…or state, for that matter. You’re such a flirt! *definitely NOT a jealous face*

        And ‘V’ and ‘J’…

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:23

        *embarrassed face; maybe tries to hide* Should I drop the class, do you suppose?

        Yes…do you know what they stand for?

      • 81 FictionFan November 6, 2014 at 15:04

        On her head? Yes, please…

        Yes, they stand for Outrageous Flirt!!!

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke November 7, 2014 at 19:47

        *mouth drops open* Boys can’t be flirts… *nods decidedly*

      • 83 FictionFan November 8, 2014 at 00:20

        Huh! That’s what you’d all like us girlies to think… *frowns menacingly* (Did you see the WordPress thingie about the new emoticons, by the way? They’re still not nearly as good as the old ones…😠)

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2014 at 20:50

        Yes…would you please believe it? (I did not! So…they’re not near as good…what an interest. Is there a cool one?)

      • 85 FictionFan November 8, 2014 at 00:21

        Haha! And so tiny, you’d need a magnifying glass to know what they were…emoting!)

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2014 at 20:51

        *laughing* See? Our complaints worked. They were like, ‘they stopped using those smileys on the PL Blog. Which is odd since they used to use thousands of them a sentence!’

      • 87 FictionFan November 9, 2014 at 00:23

        *laughing* Yes, all the little smiley faces have probably turned into wee sad ones since we started neglecting them…

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2014 at 13:08

        For sure! WP has messed up lots of things.

  13. 89 Debbie November 4, 2014 at 15:35

    An “F” isn’t a good way to start off, Professor. Passing notes in class, vexing the instructor, going off-subject — all, I’m afraid, are designed to put any professor in a bad mood. I knew Amelia would get you all into trouble!

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:34

      And you were right! I shouldn’t have taken the note, huh?

  14. 91 PorterGirl November 4, 2014 at 15:17

    Oh dear! An F for your first exam. I suppose this means you don’t have to study for it, now. Many moons ago when I was at school, I friend of mine got ‘U’ grades in nearly every subject (which means ‘ungraded – it was that bad). But he managed to convince his equally stupid parents that it meant ‘Unbeatable’.

    Schwarz should have said he was compsong a poem – then he might have got away with it.

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:34

      *laughing lots and lots* Well, I say, that was quite creative of him. That is such a hilarious story.

      Good point. Do you think he did it on purpose?

      • 93 PorterGirl November 5, 2014 at 14:16

        Definitely on purose – he is such a naughty thing! But very funny indeed. I would quite like to be in this class, you know

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:09

        What would you have done to him had he done what he done to you?

      • 95 PorterGirl November 6, 2014 at 08:28

        For any ordinary person, I would have spanked them. But Schwarz is quite extraordinary so I might have just laughed and eaten a cake. I would probably have got an F, anyway.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2014 at 13:53

        *Laughing* You’re such a good sport, Lucy. Laugh and eat a cake…I should make that my motto.

      • 97 PorterGirl November 6, 2014 at 14:13

        You should! It has served me well in life

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke November 7, 2014 at 19:42

        *laughing* Okay, tis my motto now.

  15. 99 walt walker November 4, 2014 at 15:05

    Now that wasn’t very nice of him to read that aloud. He should be punished. And everyone should get an f except you, Old Sport. You are the victim here.

    • 100 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:32

      Yes! Thanks, Mr. Walker. I think I do agree with you. I mean…it’s almost as if Schwarz set me up. Of course, do you suppose I shouldn’t have taken the note?

      • 101 walt walker November 5, 2014 at 13:47

        As you said, if someone hands you something, you are likely to take it. Unless you suspect foul play. Did you suspect foul play?

        Also, it would be rude not to take it. And you don’t want to be rude. Unless you are feeling rude. In which case you might.

        Plus, what if it had been an emergency? Then you would have been liable.

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 13:52

        I didn’t really think about it. You know, I looked up and it was there. So, this professor thought it was being passed around the class or something. I’m…guiltless!

        *laughs* I’m rude to Amelia all the time!

        Yes, yes! Do you mind if I use your points when debating Shnod?

      • 103 walt walker November 5, 2014 at 14:01

        Of course, good sir.

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke November 5, 2014 at 21:06

        *bows* I do appreciate it. ==[:-{)=


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Punchy Argot:

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