Interviewed for Office

I went with Schwarz, because I thought it my professorish duty.

But it really wasn’t. At least, I don’t think it was. But we can’t be sure.

Schwarz Tauptinker and I were shown into a rather nice, nautical looking office.

And then, we did what we were supposed to do: we sat, and waited.

Around a half-hour later (we were both getting rather cranky) this old fellow came in and sat across from us. He had so many shiny gadgets on his shirt (coat), that it was quite impossible to see the shirt. But I could tell: the shirt didn’t fit him too well. (That’s not supposed to be a rhyme.)

“So,” he said, “we need a commodore for our fleet.”

“How many ships have you in the fleet?” I asked.

The brute turned to me. “Was I talking to you? I don’t think so. In fact, now that I think about it, why are you even here?”

“‘Cause I said so!” Schwarz shouted–almost.

That jolted the brute, and he turned back to Schwarz. “We have 3 ships in our fleet. And we need a commodore. Now, be warned, you’ll be the fiftieth person we’ve interviewed for this job.”

“Don’t see why I should care,” Schwarz remarked.

And he did have a point, I’d say.

The brute sort of bristled. “That means there’s a lot of competition for this job!”

“Yeah,” Schwarz answered, “but it’s not like I have to go through all the applicants. That’s your job.”

I think Schwarz had a point again.

The brute was about to say something else, when Daddy Salami came in, dressed like an Admiral.

He stared at the brute for a second or two, before screaming out, “What ya doing here, cur-sauce-noodle-brain!”

The brute stood up and took off his shirt (or coat) with all the buttons on it. It obviously wasn’t his.

“I was…I didn’t…I didn’t mean to do it! I mean, I was just having a bit of fun!”

“Get out of here,” Salami said, “before I decide to feed you to me pet barracuda!”

The brute was gone.

“Now,” Salami said as he sat. “Welcome, Commodore Schwarz Tauptinker.”

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97 Responses to “Interviewed for Office”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 December 18, 2014 at 13:36

    Schwarz the Commodore! X-D This is the best! I can’t wait to see some of Schwarzy’s antics in the navy! X-P

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 20:16

      I can only imagine! Bet there’ll be some ramming!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 December 19, 2014 at 01:38

        Probably! X-D I can’t wait to see it!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke December 19, 2014 at 15:42

        Cool!

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 December 20, 2014 at 15:58

        ^_^

  2. 6 The Lite Rider November 26, 2014 at 21:25

    Go Schwarz! And DS cut the crap immediately, didn’t he?! ;-)

    • 7 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:44

      He sure did! Count on DS for that. You know, I wish I could be half as tough as Schwarz was.

      • 8 The Lite Rider November 30, 2014 at 20:50

        Loved Schwarz in this!

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke December 2, 2014 at 19:57

        Me too! He was spicy!

  3. 10 Nancy Loderick November 26, 2014 at 18:23

    Well Professor,

    This interview sounds a lot like some job interviews I’ve been on. A real nightmare. It was a good thing you were there. :)

    Nancy

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:46

      But Schwarz did seem fine, don’t you think?

      • 12 Nancy Loderick November 26, 2014 at 21:06

        Hey Professor,

        Oh, Schwarz was in fine form, as always. :)

        Nancy

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:41

        Yes, wasn’t he spicy?

  4. 14 Catherine November 26, 2014 at 17:24

    Oh, wow! Schwarz was really on a roll. And the brute deserved it, having pretended to be the interviewer!

    Will the professor be going along, or were you just there for moral support during the interview?

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:40

      I was there mainly for moral support, I do believe. But, perhaps I can sneak onto the ship? I’ll definitely think about it. You can come, too, if you’d like.

      Schwarz did rip him! I was surprised.

      • 16 Catherine November 30, 2014 at 00:39

        Ooh, I’d love to! (And I think you should, as long as you don’t get caught.)

        Good for him! It was quite brilliant.

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:59

        Great! We can go in the crow’s nest. There’s an elevator to the top, actually.

        He was! I must practice the art.

      • 18 Catherine December 2, 2014 at 04:37

        An elevator? To a crow’s nest? How strange! (But I want to try it, because I’ve never ridden an elevator up to a crow’s nest before.)

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke December 2, 2014 at 20:13

        *laughing* I know…well, I just don’t want to have to climb all the way up there!

      • 20 Catherine December 4, 2014 at 04:33

        I think more ships should install elevators.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2014 at 19:12

        Yes, I do too. *laughs*

  5. 22 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 26, 2014 at 05:47

    Man.. I missed the meeting. I do like boats. A lot. Water. A lot. But I haven’t a name like Commodore. *pouts*

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:06

      Commodore Audith…doesn’t sound right, though. How about Captain Audith? That’s the ticket, I say. Water is so bad…I can’t swim, you know.

      • 24 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 26, 2014 at 16:45

        I’m no captain. Probably best suited for wench. Dinner detail and laundress. I know you can’t. ..so we’ll swim shallow. I know you don’t mind that, Duke.

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:33

        *laughs* You’re not a wench neither!

      • 26 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister November 26, 2014 at 22:19

        Laundress it is then, Duketh. Just let me find my hair net.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:44

        *hands her a fish net*

      • 28 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 1, 2014 at 04:11

        Fits my curly hair perfectly.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke December 2, 2014 at 19:59

        *laughs*

      • 30 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 3, 2014 at 03:50

        I know I look silly.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2014 at 15:43

        Naw! I do, though.

      • 32 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 3, 2014 at 22:03

        Naw! Are you wearing the fishing net now?

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2014 at 19:03

        No…but I can if you want.

      • 34 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 5, 2014 at 02:40

        Well….yes, I do. Best if we both look silly. Not really fair that it looks too big on you, Duke.
        *cuts her hair off*

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke December 6, 2014 at 20:01

        My head is the size of a huge balloon, you know.

      • 36 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 7, 2014 at 04:43

        Do you have a cold? I’m worried about you, Duke.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke December 8, 2014 at 14:33

        I must have had one, yes. But I’m getting better!

      • 38 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 8, 2014 at 19:55

        Okay, I’m glad you’re feeling better!

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke December 8, 2014 at 21:14

        Thanks, Audith!

  6. 40 John W. Howell November 25, 2014 at 23:09

    Nothing like an ill-fitting shirt to warn of an imposter.

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:02

      *laughs* Very good point. And, usually, that sign is ignored. Why do you suppose that is?

      • 42 John W. Howell November 26, 2014 at 17:04

        Too many distractions I would guess.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:36

        The shiny pins!

      • 44 John W. Howell November 27, 2014 at 01:29

        Yup. Shiny anything is a powerful weapon.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:49

        Very true. That means the professor is a weapon.

  7. 46 Susan P November 25, 2014 at 22:47

    Wellllll this isn’t going to be going to Gilligan’s Island, is it?

    • 47 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:01

      I hope not. Well, I mean, probably not. There’s no island out there to get stranded on…

      • 48 Susan P November 26, 2014 at 14:18

        Maybe a dark passage like the Dawn Treader.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:26

        I should have captained that vessel.

      • 50 Susan P November 26, 2014 at 20:42

        Could you have gotten rid of the dark?

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:50

        Yes, I would have turned on a light!

      • 52 Susan P November 26, 2014 at 21:25

        I think you should send Eustace

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:44

        He’s a dragon.

      • 54 Susan P November 30, 2014 at 21:02

        And…your point is?

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke December 2, 2014 at 19:58

        Can’t be trusted.

      • 56 Susan P December 2, 2014 at 20:26

        You can’t be trusted?

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2014 at 15:40

        I’m not sure. Can I?

      • 58 Susan P December 3, 2014 at 18:39

        I think you can be trusted.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2014 at 18:58

        Well, I must say, thank you.

  8. 60 walt walker November 25, 2014 at 17:17

    Nautical looking offices are always the best.

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke November 25, 2014 at 20:48

      They are. Don’t they always have life savers that are way to small?

      • 62 walt walker November 25, 2014 at 21:32

        And old men with peg legs.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:00

        True. And stout looking arms.

      • 64 walt walker November 26, 2014 at 14:17

        And corncob pipes. Or is that just snowmen?

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:26

        *laughs* I think it could be. Perhaps you’re singing too many songs as of late?

      • 66 Susan P November 25, 2014 at 22:45

        But they have to be small to get them into your mouth.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:00

        *laughs* I suppose that’s true. Even the rubber ones?

      • 68 Susan P November 26, 2014 at 14:18

        I suppose they come in different sizes and colors.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:26

        And flavors.

      • 70 Susan P November 26, 2014 at 20:41

        Cherry is good.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:49

        It’s the best, wouldn’t you say?

      • 72 Susan P November 26, 2014 at 21:24

        Especially tart cherries.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:43

        Hmm…I can’t be sure about that.

      • 74 Susan P November 30, 2014 at 21:02

        They have lots of melatonin.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke December 2, 2014 at 19:58

        Like the professor!

      • 76 Susan P December 2, 2014 at 20:25

        I don’t think so. No, I just don’t see it.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke December 3, 2014 at 15:39

        And why not?

      • 78 Susan P December 3, 2014 at 18:39

        It’s dark in here.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke December 4, 2014 at 18:58

        Hmm…

  9. 80 FictionFan November 25, 2014 at 17:05

    My Schwarzy’s so wonderful, isn’t he? And I can’t help but notice how nice he always is to the Professor, even though the Professor’s jealousy often makes him so mean to dear Schwarzy. Now, it’s obvious why Schwarzy got the Commodore job – with his talent, charm and great team-leadership skills – but…who on earth gave the Silly Old Sausage the job of Admiral?!? I fear the fleet may be doomed! Unless my Schwarzy saves the day…

    Will the Professor be going along as cabin-boy? Will Schwarzy be doing seagull impersonations? So many questions…

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke November 25, 2014 at 20:47

      But…but…but…when was I mean to your Schwarzy? I can’t recall. I thought I was a polite gentlemen, and I must say, Schwarz was a polite lady, too. I’m sure DS will do fine. At getting the pirates. Maybe he is one–in disguise!

      Cabin-boy?! That doesn’t sound right. What do they do? And I’m sure Schwarz will.

      • 82 FictionFan November 25, 2014 at 23:28

        Lady? LADY?!? See? Viciously mean – sometimes I wonder if you’re related to Zez…

        DS will quite possibly sell the fleet to the pirates – or he might sell Ruber. I bet he doesn’t look nearly as good in his uniform as my Schwarzy… but then, who would? *thinks of Darby but dismisses the thought*

        I think you’d make a dinky little cabin-boy – with little raggedy trousers and bare feet. Or maybe my Schwarzy would let you have very own little uniform… so sweet! I’d give a year’s supply of chocolate to hear Schwarzy impersonate a seagull… *sighs wistfully*

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:04

        I think I could be. But I don’t have the orange hair, rats.

        *laughs* See how well you know him? He might indeed sell Ruber! How about Rafa? He might look good in a uniform. Maybe a bit monkey-ish, though.

        Raggedy trousers? Well, I would be more like TS then…can’t you be the cabin-boy instead? Please? Well, you’ll be getting to hear Mr. Schwarz coming up here…

      • 84 FictionFan November 26, 2014 at 17:21

        Bet you can gurgle, though…

        I’d put nothing past that Sausage! He has a very unique approach to childcare. (One I rather like, as it happens…) Rafa in a uniform! Oh… *feels an urgent desire to dance and sing* It’d need to be a sleeveless uniform for him though… *ponders happily* Monkey-ish indeed! This jealousy will eventually consume you, you know!

        Oh yes, I’d love to be the cabin-boy! You can be First Mate then – of course, you’ll need to call my Commodore “sir”… Eh? What? When??? *gives ears a special clean in anticipation*

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:39

        Actually, maybe you’re right about that.

        See? You do like him after all. A wonder, madam. A wonder. *hangs head and laughs* I’m not jealous, just professorish. I’m already consumed by hate anyway.

        Cabin-girl or boy? *laughs* Soon! I hope…

      • 86 FictionFan November 27, 2014 at 02:42

        Aha! I knew there was a genetic connection! Perhaps you’re his clone…

        Well, someone has to keep Ruber in line… You hate me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *keels over and screams and screams*

        Boy, I think. It’s more traditional, and I’m ready to make the sacrifice. I’m practicising being grubby and clumsy to get into the part… Me too!!!

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke November 30, 2014 at 19:53

        Clone? Nah…I’m too important to be a clone!!!!!

        No, no, NO! What gave you that idea? *laughs and tries not to*

        Hey! Such insults. You’ll have to wear boy clothes then…including a hat.

  10. 88 Debbie November 25, 2014 at 15:59

    So THAT’S how he got the job — knowing the hirer!! Not bad if one can swing it. Of course, the waiting must have been dreadful. But I found myself clapping at Schwarz’s comments — wonder whether he will be as good a commodore as he acted, though?

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke November 25, 2014 at 20:46

      I hope so. Connections are everything! Do you suppose he could do any worse than DS? Imagine him being the Admiral.

  11. 90 desertdweller29 November 25, 2014 at 15:40

    Ah, that’s the story of how Schwarz became Commodore Schwarz! I was wondering, you know.

    • 91 Professor VJ Duke November 25, 2014 at 20:46

      Were you? Than I’m very glad to have answered it. Do you think he’ll make a good one?

  12. 92 PorterGirl November 25, 2014 at 14:40

    Oh my goodness that was BRILLIANT! Schwarz was very sharp in that interview, I would say. Perfect for the job. But what role will the Professor have within the fleet? I feel an adventure afoot – marvellous!

    • 93 Professor VJ Duke November 25, 2014 at 20:45

      I’m not sure. They won’t have me be the cook–I’d just cook beetles and beans–but maybe I could be the guy in that thingy that looks out?

      • 94 PorterGirl November 26, 2014 at 08:28

        Beetles and beans are high in protien. But not so tasty. Maybe Ruber could be the cook?

        Aha – the crow’s nest! Yes, that would be a good job. As long as you didn’t mind heights.

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 14:11

        That’s an idea. Maybe he’d make beef of some sort?

        Well, I’m not sure if I would. If I do, just come and get me on the elevator, please.

      • 96 PorterGirl November 26, 2014 at 14:23

        Probably beef. Or something noodley, if we’re lucky.

        They are very high up. Maybe you could keep look out from the poop-deck *giggles*

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke November 26, 2014 at 20:28

        *laughs* That always makes me laugh too, but we can’t do it on the ship! We have to act like it’s just normal to say that.


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